A/N: I don't own Merlin. That was the luck of the BBC.

Hey everyone! Sorry about the delay (if I had a quid for every time I've said that…)

I can confirm I have a rough plan of all the chapters; this will be a 24-chapter story like the last, so hopefully the story will be smoother than the last. I hope to update at least a few chapters this week having been away for a while, so I hope you enjoy.

"Have you gone mad?!" Gaius was pacing up and down in front of a rather startled Merlin, who's hands were still slightly shaking. He was paler than when Gwaine had left him for training not half an hour ago. "What were you thinking Merlin? Really?" Merlin detested the look of disappointment on Gaius' features. It didn't happen often, but when it did, he hated having let down his one true confidant.

He couldn't understand why Gaius was making such a big deal about what had happened. It was nothing really, it had just got blown way out of proportion, and now he was being chastised like a child.

"You told me to look after Lady Teft," Merlin exclaimed, "you said I should keep an eye on her in case she hurts herself! We knew she'd probably end up having an accident with a mind like hers." Again, he wasn't sure what the problem was. It could've happened to anyone; it wasn't his fault.

"Yes, I know." Gaius sighed heavily. "But that was before-"

"Before I was an invalid?" Merlin glared at Gaius. He didn't need coddling. "Before I wasn't allowed to do anything myself?" He needed normality. Why could no one understand that?

"Merlin…" Gaius turned his back on the warlock, taking a deep breath and trying to quell his impatience. Why could he not understand the importance of looking after himself? He put everyone before himself, and sometimes someone needed to make sure that he was okay, that he was taking time for himself.

"No, I need stuff to do, you don't understand." Merlin yelled, standing abruptly, then winced, holding back a groan of pain in his throat, not wanting to give Gaius the satisfaction of an 'I told you so'.

"Then talk to me." The physician turned back to his ward. "Because don't think it's escaped my attention how much worse you look. The wounds seem to be the only bit of you that's healing, and you won't talk to me. You've always talked to me."

"That's because there's nothing to talk about. I'm-" He was cut off abruptly.

"If the next word out of your mouth is 'fine' I swear to..." Gaius pointed a bony finger at him. "You know I can help you Merlin, you just need to tell me what's wrong." It was so frustrating, he could clearly see that his ward needed to do something about what was bothering him, but without telling him, there was nothing he could do to help, except keep a close watch on him.

"There's nothing you can do; I just want to forget everything happened. I want to go back to living my life, and I don't need draughts and potions and talking to fix that. I need to be out there, doing menial jobs for Arthur and protecting him when he's not looking." Merlin sat in a sulk, flexing his hands slowly to trying and stop the jittering. "I need to help."

"You did today, and look what happened!" Gaius hated to point out the obvious, but here he felt it was a necessity. Merlin wasn't safe when he was so jumpy, and the last thing he wanted was for Merlin to be, or even feel, unsafe ever again. As a physician, he was averse to most forms of taking life, often finding there wasn't sufficient excuse for killing someone. For Drin though, if he ever laid eyes on that snake, he'd make an exception.

"She grabbed my shoulder!" Merlin threw his head in his hands, tired of explaining himself away. "She was confused, she got panicky when I tried to steady her arm, and she happened to grab my bad shoulder. It was just a reaction."

"Really?" Gaius raised his brow. "And you going catatonic, that was a reaction too? Lord Teft told me everything. Heck, he was the one to fetch me, informing me that he had a bleeding wife and an unresponsive servant in his quarters. Do you even remember what happened?" He'd had a wave of nausea and worry sweep over him the minute he saw his ward, hunched up in the corner of the room with almost dead eyes. It still hadn't quite left him.

"No…" Merlin sighed, as quiet as a mouse. He'd blacked out, one moment trying to dress Lady Teft's cut on her arm, glad that it wasn't too deep to need stitches as he wasn't certain his hands wouldn't twitch suddenly and injure her further. The next he was on the floor of their quarters, Gaius waving some foul smelling salts under his nose to wake him from a stupor.

"According to Lord Teft, who saw the whole thing, his wife was being rather difficult, as she is wont to do as of late, and as you were trying to bandage her arm, she panicked and grabbed you. At which point you jumped backwards, shouted 'no' a couple of times and then went silent. Lord Teft tried to help you, but you were so far gone he went to fetch me from my rounds." Gaius slumped back in his chair, already exhausted and it wasn't even lunchtime. Why could they not have one day, one normal day when everything was fine for just five minutes?

"That… that all happened?" Merlin didn't know what to say. It sounded like when he had nightmares, when he'd dream of Drin and his viscous knife, only this was the first time anything had happened during the day to that extent. Sure, he'd had the odd flashback, or chill, when he saw an item that reminded him of his time in that tower, but he usually managed to push it to the back of his mind and carry on.

"Yes Merlin. It did. I don't know what's going on with you, but whatever it is, it's not good." Once again, pointing out the obvious.

"It wasn't my fault, tell me how it was my fault." He sounded like an exasperated child when he got like this.

"Because I ordered you, as your physician and as your guardian, to rest, and you didn't. Because I know what's best for you medically and emotionally. And I'll be damned if I let what that monster did to you affect the rest of your life. I want you to get better Merlin. I want you to be able to go on patrol and join in training, and to do that, your shoulder has to be fixed. I'm not trying to be wicked, or overprotective, I just want you to live without a constant reminder of what he did to you. Now really is the time to tell me." He had a feeling he was going to have to continue to push him to accept help. So far it'd been like speaking to a brick wall, who offered him nothing but the occasional 'I'm fine' or 'it's nothing to worry about'.

Merlin's stomach twisted into a knot. He really, really didn't want to lie to Gaius, he'd saved him so many times, and more so this time, nursing him back to health. But he really didn't want a fuss made or for people to be worrying over him.

"I don't know what to tell you," He lied through his teeth, "it happens." He tried to play it off with a nonchalant shrug.

"It happens?" Gaius was starting to get angry now, upset that Merlin would play down something that was as serious as entering a stupor. "I've never known you to regress into yourself like that. Never." He urged. "Why won't you talk to me?" Gaius' frustrations were breaking through his calm demeanour, as much as he tried to suppress them and not interfere, sometimes Merlin needed someone to interfere.

"Because if I talk about it, it makes it real!" The warlock balled his hands into fists, using all his willpower not to land a blow on the wall. He wasn't sure if the shaking was still from his episode, or his annoyance at Gaius' pestering. "I don't want it to become a problem. I want my life back; I don't want him controlling it." Merlin was close to breaking point, tears welling in his eyes that he refused to shed. "He's dead and he's still torturing me."

"Oh my boy." Gaius stood next to Merlin to comfort him, unsure of what to say. He'd known knights to get like this sometimes, after battles or other traumas, and very few ever fully recovered. But Merlin was strong, more than anyone ever gave him credit for, and if anyone could overcome something like this, it would be him. "I wish there was something I could say that'll take away your pain, I'm sorry I didn't realise sooner that you felt this way, I should've known." The old man sighed.

"Don't." Merlin looked him in straight in the eye, more than he had done since he returned to Camelot. "Whatever you do, don't apologise for what he did to me. You, and Gwaine, and Arthur, and Gwen and everybody else, you're the ones holding me together, and I can't thank each of you enough for that."

Gaius thought for a moment, then let out a reluctant sigh.

"Do you feel well enough to go back to work," he held up a hand to silence Merlin's immediate answer, "with restricted duties, that I will be informing Arthur of?"

"Yes, Gaius." Merlin nodded eagerly. "I would really, really like that."

"Alright then, I'll talk to Arthur this evening and let him know what you can and can't do. I'm talking about two or three jobs a day to begin with, got it?" Gaius gave him a hard stare, and his face betrayed his reluctance to offer such a thing to his still-healing ward. But Merlin did have a point, if spending all day cooped up in his quarters was doing him more harm than good, maybe he should go back to work.

Thank you to all the lovely messages you guys have been sending me – especially the guest reviewer J.H.W; I'd love to write you a full response, but for now I'll just say thank you so much!