You Belong With Me

by milevenloveandeggos

"While I have been silently waiting on the side line, he has fallen in love as well, but that someone has not been me. And now I'm stuck with being his best friend, and though I would not want to miss one minute of our friendship, it hurts so much to watch him being happy with someone else." Mileven, 1980's High School AU (inspired by the Taylor Swift song 'You Belong With Me')

11. Chapter 11

AN: Happy Mileven Day, everyone!

I guess it's time for a longer author note, but you will see that these few additional words will do nothing to this already huge chapter…
First of all, it's been ages I know, and I'm deeply sorry for that. Life is just too busy sometimes and the time for writing is never enough. I also must admit, that I started writing another multi-chapter fanfic a while ago and spent a lot of my writing time on that one as well, causing me to have even less time for this story. I know, I shouldn't work on so many projects at the same time, but I can't help it when inspiration strikes and I must go with it, that's simply how I work best.

(Side note: Maybe you are interested in checking that fanfic out as well; it's different to this one, but if you enjoy reading some of my stuff, you might enjoy that one, too. But it's not Mileven, because the characters are so OOC that it felt wrong to use El and Mike for it, so what I did is, that I use Millie and Finn as my „actors" in that story. Some of you might think that's weird, but I simply can't go too out of character with Mileven, also not in an AU story, because they still must feel like themselves to me. The Millie character is still a bit like El, but the Finn character is like the anti-Mike; I could have also called them Enola and Miles or Elodie and Richie or whatever other characters that they have played, but in the end I decided to go with Millie and Finn. If you can accept them as characters in a story and want to give it a try – after you have read this chapter ofc – then you find my new story „Same as You" on Wattpad, username milevenloveandeggos).

But now enough of that and back to this story… Another reason why this chapter took so long to write is the sheer length of it. You basically get like 3 chapters packed into one, so consider that as my little sorry-it-took-me-so-long present to you and also my gift for you on this year's Mileven Day. I really wanted to get it done for today and so I spent a few sleepless nights to finally finish it.
In the end I simply underestimated how much I wanted to put in this chapter. I knew perfectly well how I wanted it to be, where it should start and where it should end, but I only realized during the writing process how much I had to write in-between all that to get a smooth transition from chapter 10 to 12.
This chapter also includes another very long flashback (which is like a little fanfic in itself), and you could argue, that I could have left that out in order to get this chapter done faster, but this is how I always wanted to tell the story and I believe there is a nice full circle moment within all of this, which I hope you will see after reading the whole chapter.
As this chapter includes a lot of different dates and has a three year time jump in the middle of it, please take extra care of the dates. I hope it won't be too confusing after all, with all the dates, but also with the pace, because I tried to only focus on what I truly wanted to tell when I realized how long the chapter was turning out to be.

Anyway, this is not only the longest chapter by far, it's also probably the one with the most references to the show and the one with the most dramarama.
It was a lot of fun to take complete scenes or some sentences from the show and put them in a new context within this story, and I hope you enjoy reading these little references just as much as I enjoyed writing them.
On the other hand, writing all the drama was hard at times and I truly struggled at times… I guess I'm just too emotional when it comes to these characters, that I spent so much time with already and that I love dearly and so when they cry, I sometimes cry with them (stupid, I know, but what can I do.)
But yeah, I guess what I try to say with this is, prepare yourself for a lot of raging teenage hormones, and I'm sorry for the amount of fights and insults going on in this chapter. I must admit there's a lot going on here, but after I pretty much destroyed everything with the last chapter, the road to closure is a long and hard one, but I promise brighter days lie ahead of us.
And just for the record let me say I'm #TeamMax, as she was my rock in this chapter, who kept me going when I hated myself for writing certain stuff.

As always, I dearly hope you enjoy reading this chapter and I love to hear what you think of it.

PS If you want to get back into the story after this long time, but don't want to reread everything, I recommend starting at chapter 9, because for me the chapters 9, 10 and 11 are very much linked with each other.

PPS We come closer to the end; only two more chapters left after this… I get emotional again, bye.

Chapter 11

31. October 1984

Friends forever and always, that's what they had sworn; they against the rest of the world, fighting dragons together and saving the day; a paladin and a mage united in their hearts and souls, forming an unbreakable bond, that nothing could destroy, not even the darkest creatures from an alternate universe.
However, the truth was, that the real challenges never laid in the shady dungeons and mystique forests of a fantasy game, where the simple rolling of the dices could solve the case. No, the true test was life itself with its ups and downs, which could bring you the greatest of joys and happiness, but also the greatest of crisis and challenges; and in that case it could not be solved with a bit luck of the dices.

El couldn't even tell at what point it all had gone downhill and where she could have intervened to stop everything from falling apart. It had been a set of single events, that in their sum had led to their current situation, each one adding a further rift to their friendship until it had exploded in their faces, and so now Mike and she were not talking, and it killed her a little more with each passing second.
Some might consider her a bit overdramatic, as it had been roughly a week since they had last spoken with each other, but to El it felt like an eternity.

The thing was, they always spoke with each other, day after day, and suddenly there was this unusual silence, that was almost deafening. There were maybe a handful of days she could remember, where they hadn't seen each other or at least had talked on the Supercom or phone. Mostly it had been days in which one of them had been so ill, that they had slept through the entire day, or she had been out on a camping trip with her dad, where they had been in the woods, far away from any civilisation and a telephone.
But other than those few times, Mike had always been a part of her day in one way or the other. He was an integral element of her life and as long as she could remember they had always played together, drawing chalk pictures on the street, or building blanket forts in the basement, and as they grew older, they had mastered every milestone together, from kindergarten to Middle School, from her parents' divorce to his younger sister's birth.

They were practically attached to the hips and it was no question who would partner up when a teacher asked the students to form pairs for an assignment, it was no question who would sit next to them on a bus ride, and it was no question if their respective friends would like each other, because they shared the same friends anyway. They were an inseparable duo and everyone in the little town knew, that they came as a package deal; if you wanted to befriend El, there was no way past Mike, and if one wanted to get to know Mike, with him came El. It had been that way when Mike had approached Will in kindergarten, because he seemed to be lonely, only to introduce him to El 5 minutes later; it had been that way when they got to know Lucas in 1st grade and he had bonded with Mike right away, only to learn in the next lunch break, that he was best friends with a girl; and it had been that way when Dustin had moved to Hawkins in 4th grade and he had joined the "Explorer club" of the Hawkins Elementary School, where he met the boys and of course El.

Though each of the other boys had first gotten to know Mike, no one had ever questioned that he had introduced El to them on the same day. They seemed to understand right away, that being friends solely with Mike was not an option, and so they had accepted her as one of the boys.
To be fair, she had learned a couple of years later, that Lucas had teased Mike a little in the beginning about his friendship with El and had made jokes about the dark-haired boy wanting to marry his best friend, because he couldn't understand that a girl and boy were friends to begin with, but as weeks had passed he must have dropped the teasing. El had never experienced any of it anyway, as he only had done it when she was not around and so she had learned about it years later during one of their sleepovers, where Will had let it slip by mistake, causing the then 12-year-old Mike to turn the darkest shade of red she had ever seen up to this point.

But apart from that mindless teasing of little kids, she always had been an equal member of the party (how they had started to call themselves later) and she had happily gone along with all their ideas, no matter if it was the AV club they had joined in Middle School, the Star Wars phase the boys had entered, or when they had gotten interested in D El had always been right there with them. And even though not all the things were close to her heart, she had never felt like she was missing out on any girls' things, because what truly had mattered was the valuable time with her four friends Will, Lucas, Dustin and above all Mike.
There had never been a reason for El to question this or search for something else, however, it all had suddenly changed when they started their final year in Middle School – and with it came Max Mayfield into their lives.

Looking back at the events now, almost two months later, El thought that the dominoes had likely started to fall at the last day of their summer break.
She and the boys had spent the Sunday afternoon at the arcade, where they had discovered that a certain MADMAX had broken all their records, which they had neatly built over the past few years. El still remembered the moment perfectly:

...Early September 1984

She was playing at one of the automates or more precisely she tried; she had never been a good gamer, which was probably caused by her lack of competitiveness; she just couldn't find it in herself to chase after some record or try to get the highest score possible, and so her play was missing the necessary drive. However, Mike never failed to encourage her and so he stood next to her on that precise afternoon, leaning towards the screen, with one of his hands placed on El's back, cheering her on to kill the dragon.
It was the sudden scream of Dustin that caught their attention and they looked up to see him running from one machine to the next with the other two boys close on his heels. Then he joined El and Mike, only to push them apart and open the scoring table of the game, "Nooooo!"

"What is it?", Mike asked, confused by his friend's behaviour, whereas El was more confused by the sudden loss she felt, as soon as Mike's hand left her back.

"This person has cracked all our high scores!", Dustin replied, while still staring at the display in front of him.

With that he ultimately caught Mike's attention as well and he leaned in to see for himself, "MADMAX?! Who the hell is MADMAX?"

"I have no idea!", the other boy said in a mixture of admiration and outrage over loosing all the top scores to this new gamer in town.

"But he has not beaten your legendary score in Dig Dug, has he?"

"By merlins beard, he has!", and with these words Dustin dragged Mike along with him, leaving a confused El behind.

From there on, the boys had no other topic then this mysterious MADMAX and though it only had been a few hours between the arcade afternoon and the start of the new school year the next morning, El was fed up by the topic already, when she took her seat in first period. However, nothing could have prepared her for the moment when Mr. Clarke walked in with a girl following him and he introduced her as a new student, called Maxine – pardon – Max.
She practically felt the excitement boiling inside the four boys sitting next to her and with a strange feeling in her stomach, she observed their eyes following Max through the room to her seat.

After that her friends became obsessed with the redhead, as they were convinced that Max must be MADMAX, and they started to follow her around and observe every move she made.
To say El was annoyed by it would have been a bit of an understatement; she couldn't understand her friends' fixation on the new girl and additionally she couldn't understand this constant pang in her heart, whenever they were talking about the other girl or whenever the boys were staring at her in the halls; a feeling that arouse especially whenever Mike was the one saying Max's name or she saw the fascination glistening in his eyes. He wasn't as bad as Dustin and Lucas, who seemed to have developed a crush on the girl, but still she couldn't shake the feeling of being left out; it felt like Max was about to steal her place in the party and take Mike away from her.

...08. October 1984

As September turned into October, one of them came up with the idea to invite Max to their Halloween night out, and after some days of discussions, the boys eventually asked El to approach the other girl.

"Oh come on, El, please ask her.", Lucas begged and Dustin added, "Do it for us!"

They were standing in the hallway of the school, her four friends looking at her expectantly, and El was mustering all her willpower to not roll her eyes at them, "Why does it have to be me?"

"Because you know how to talk to girls.", the dark-skinned boy explained.

"You know just as much about it.", she shot back, the annoyance starting to rise in herself, "You are talking to one right now!"

"That's not the same.", Dustin stepped in, "You are El."

Her head snapped towards the boy, no longer hiding her anger, "And what is that supposed to mean?!"

However, before Dustin could come up with a reply, Mike intervened and placed his hand on her shoulder, momentarily soothing some of her anger, only for it to return even stronger when he started to speak, "El look, we talked about it. She doesn't seem to have made any friends so far, but someday she will and wouldn't it be great if we could be those friends? She is THE MADMAX, she is the coolest girl in town, and imagine her being friends with us!"

"Not to forget, she can skate! Like how cool is that?!", Dustin added, as if that would change El's mind.

In fact, El struggled a lot that morning to keep herself in check; her friends' words hurt and she felt overshadowed by this Max, that the boys kept praising non-stop. She couldn't understand why they were so eager for weeks to add another member to their party; their group was perfect as it was and there was no need to add anyone, let alone another girl.
"If you are so eager to be friends with her, go and talk to her yourself. I don't see why you need me for that!"

"Because it would be weird if a guy would just walk up to her and invite her to a Halloween night, but you girls always chit-chat, even if you don't know each other, that comes natural to you!", Dustin continued to argue, either ignoring or not seeing her annoyance.

"When did you ever see me chit-chat with other girls?!"

"You talk to Nancy.", he replied nonchalantly.

She had to muster all her willpower to not roll her eyes at the curly-haired boy, "That's because she is Mike's sister! And you all talk to her just as much! By that logic, you should send Mike to HER.", she finished with a nod in the direction of Max's locker, where the other girl stood, close enough for them to see her, but far enough for her to not hear the discussion among the five friends.

"Me? Why does it suddenly have to me?", Mike retorted defensively.

"Because you are the one with two sisters, so you surely know how to talk to other girls than me."

"Holly is four, you can't count that; and Nancy is annoying, you can't compare her to Max!", he argued.

El felt the anger further building up in herself, "He brought Nancy into the discussion, not me!", she pointed accusingly at Dustin, while glaring at her best friend.

Sensing that the discussion was slowly drifting into a fight, Will intervened, "Okay stop! Everyone calm down, please! You can't force El, if she doesn't want to do it."
His words soothed some of El's anger, though he wasn't done with it, yet, "But El, we would really appreciate it, if you could ask her, if she would like to join us on Halloween. I know we ask much from you, but I think Max could use some friends, she's always alone. Maybe she doesn't know how to make friends and needs someone to make the first step."
El felt her resolution crumbling, as Will was addressing the caring side in her; she couldn't bear the thought that someone felt left out, not even if that someone was Max. Sensing the shift in her, he continued, "And if you do this for us, we owe you something. Name your price and we will do it, right guys?"

The other boys hastily nodded their confirmation and El let the thought linger for a moment, contemplating her options. After a while, she eventually sighed and said, "Okay, I do it…", which caused Mike, Dustin, Will and Lucas to cheer, so she quickly emphasized, "BUT, in return you do my homework for at least a week."

She had hoped, that they would back off after she named her price, however, they nodded again with eagerness, and seeing how she had lost this battle, she sighed another time, "Alright then, I will see what I can do, but I won't promise that it will work."

"Go, get the girl!", Dustin chanted, obviously not in the slightest concerned that El might not be successful, and with it fuelling her annoyance once more.

"Yeah, whatever.", she hissed and abruptly turned on her heels to get away from her friends, whose present she could no longer endure, and to walk straight up to the other girl in question.

In her back she heard Will sending a quick "Thank you!" in her direction, while Lucas high fived Dustin, but it were Mike's words, that stuck with her, "You're the best, El!"

"Just not as great as MADMAX, apparently…", she thought bitterly, but didn't speak the words out loud.

It took her only a few seconds to reach the other girl at the end of the hallway, and when she stood in front of her locker, Max momentarily hidden behind the open metal door, she cleared her throat and awkwardly said, "Hi!"

Max's head came into view, as she closed the locker to see who was speaking to her. She eyed her up sceptically and with suspicion laced in her voice she replied, "Hi?!"

"I'm El.", she continued, not entirely sure where to start the conversation.

"I know! We share the same class."

She laughed nervously over the awkwardness that surrounded them; this plan was doomed to fail, "Oh yeah, right…"

"Do you want anything?", the other girl asked bored, apparently fed up with the conversation already.

Well, it seemed like it was time to get it just over with and deliver the message the boys had asked her to, "Yes, I mean, I was thinking… do you want to become friends?"

Looking at her as if she was mental, Max asked suspiciously, "Why?"

"I don't know... I just thought, maybe you like to have some friends around here."

"You don't sound very convinced of what you're saying.", the other girl eyed her up, searching for the true meaning behind her words, and suddenly struck by an idea, she added, "Did these stalkers send you here?"

"Stalkers?", she asked confused.

Max nodded towards something in El's back and as she turned to follow the direction of her vision, she got to see the four boys hastily turning away when they realized that the two girls had caught them prying.
"Oh… These are just my friends, Mike, Will, Lucas and Dustin."

"I know who they are as well, but I also know how they always keep following me around, therefore I call them stalkers.", she said, still looking at El appraisingly, "Thus far, I excluded you from that label, but maybe I have to change my perception."

"What?! No, I'm not stalking you. I don't even like you!", El exclaimed before she could think about her words.

Surprisingly, Max started laughing, not taking any offence in what El had so mindlessly said, "And yet you are here talking to me right now…"

She couldn't deny this fact and so she decided, that it was maybe time to be just honest with her, "Okay look, the boys sent me here to ask you, if you want to celebrate Halloween with us?!"

"And why do they sent you, if you don't even like me?"

"I guess they thought you would definitely say 'yes' if a girl asked you."

"How presumptuous of them!", she noted with a frown and El couldn't help herself, but to agree with her assessment, "Do you at least get something for your selfless act for the group?"

"The party…", she corrected her last word and upon seeing the confusion in Max's eyes, she added, "We call ourselves the party. And yes, they will do my homework for at least a week."

"Good for you!", Max grinned, "Will they do so irrespective of my answer?"

"I guess so…", El mused, "The deal was only that I ask you."

The redhead grinned mischievously, "Okay, then I don't have to feel guilty for saying 'no' to your invitation. You get your homework done and you don't have to endure me in your 'party', which you obviously didn't want me in to begin with, so double win for you!"

Deciding that their conversation was over, Max was about to turn and walk away, but something in the way she had talked to her intrigued El, and she felt the unexpected desire to learn more about the other girl, so she moved her hand quickly to touch her on the arm and stop her, "Wait! I'm sorry if I sounded rude. I actually wouldn't mind if you joined our Halloween night."

"You weren't rude, just honest. I appreciate that!", she retorted, "You seem cool, I wouldn't mind hanging out with you, but I'm not such a big fan of your four stalker friends."

Despite the fact, that she currently wasn't the biggest fan of the four boys either, she still felt the need to defend them, "No, they are actually quite nice when you get to know them a little more. And Halloween is always fun, you really should come with us this year."

Max pondered her words for a moment, before she asked, "What do you do for Halloween?"

"We always go trick or treating, we know the best neighbourhoods, where you get the real good stuff.", El answered excitedly, "And we always dress as a group; you could be a ghost with me!"

Upon her words, Max initial interest turned into a shake of her head, "And here I thought you were cool… Ghost costumes are something for five-year-olds!"

"But it's part of our party costume, the boys are the Ghostbusters and I am their ghost!", El explained, as if this was common knowledge.

The other girl looked at her as if she had just grown a second head, "Why do they get to be Ghostbusters and you only get to be a lousy ghost? Not that dressing as Ghostbusters is in any cooler, but at least they don't wear a blanket over their heads."

"Because only boys can be Ghostbusters."

"Says who?", she snorted contemptuously.

"I don't know...", El replied confused over the weird questions, that she had never spared any thought on, "I guess, it simply is that way…"

"Bullshit!", Max exclaimed outraged, "Girls can be the same things as boys and most girls are even better then their male counterparts, like Wonder Woman for example!"

"Wonder Woman?!"

"Don't you read any comics?"

El was confused as to where she was going with this question, "I do sometimes with the boys…", she answered hesitantly, "But there were only characters such as Superman and Spider Man…"

"Ugh boring!", the redhead rolled her eyes at her answer, "Wonder Woman is so much cooler, than these guys. She's an Amazon warrior and she surely needs no man to protect her, because she fights better than any of them!", she said passionately and upon seeing El's questioning look, she added, "Are you free now?"

Taken by surprise upon the weird question, she stuttered, "I- don't… I'm not… I was supposed to drive home with Mike."

A knowing grin broke out on Max face, "Mike?! Is he your boyfriend?", she asked intrigued.

"NO!", El replied in shock over such an assumption, "He's just my best friend!"

"Hm, I thought…", she started, but then decided against whatever she had been about to say, "...nevermind. So what are you doing at his place?"

Though she was still confused over Max's surprising assumption, she answered honestly, "Nothing, we just live next to each other, and as my mum still works in the afternoon, I often go to his place for lunch and afterwards we do homework and just hang out."

"But now you are freed from doing the homework for at least a week, so basically you have the day off."

"I guess so…", El replied uncertainly.

Max grinned at her and with excitement in her voice she declared, "Let them do the homework and you come with me and I introduce you to the legendary Wonder Woman."

"I don't know, I have to talk to Mike first and…"

"Why? You are free to do whatever you want, you don't owe him anything.", she brushed her thought off, "And if they can send you here to talk to me, they shouldn't be surprised if we decide to hang out with each other. Give them a taste of their own medicine!"

"Give them the medicine…", El mumbled, while contemplating Max's words. She couldn't deny, that the other girl fascinated her and made her feel a little rebellious; maybe she had been a bit too fast in her decision to dislike the girl; maybe she should give her a chance and after she had been so annoyed with her friends' behaviour, she felt some spark in herself to pay it back to them, and so she finally agreed, "Okay, let's go!"

Max only grinned in reply and moved to stand next to her, interwinding her arm with El's, as if they were lifelong friends, and arm in arm, they walked through the hallway and out of the school, leaving four speechless boys behind.

...18. October 1984

A single afternoon with Max had turned into a second one, and a third, and before she knew it they had become friends. It only had been two weeks, but by now the two girls were spending any given minute with each other, Max introducing El to a whole new world that went beyond Star Wars and D , whereas El showed Max all the hidden spots in Hawkins, that offered more adventures than the boring downtown.
Even at school they became attached to the hips, always walking the hallways together and spending the lunch breaks at a separate table, to discuss whatever topic. El had tried to introduce Max to the rest of the party, but the boys had acted weird, with Lucas and Dustin battling each other over Max's attention, and Mike being all grumpy and suddenly very dismissive towards the new girl. The only decent behaving one had been Will, but as the attitude of the other three guys had overshadowed his genuine attempt to welcome Max in their party, the two girls rather remained to themselves these days.

They were sitting on El's bed this mid October afternoon, a bunch of magazines spread on the sheets, that Max had brought with her. It was a mixture of teen magazines from her own collection and some issues of the Cosmopolitan that she had stolen from her mum. Max had been in shock when she had learned that El had never read one of these; of course she knew that these magazines existed, but she had never felt the desire to buy one and as she obviously hadn't looked at these kind of magazines with the boys either, it was rather unknown territory to her.

"Oh, you found Ralph Macchio.", Max noted, as she caught El staring at the picture of a handsome teen, whose dark hair had captured her attention.

"Macchio?", she asked, the name not sounding familiar to her.

"Yeah, he's the Karate Kid.", her friend stated and as to underline her words she made a karate move with her hands and let out a loud "Hi-ya.", causing El to giggle.
"He's so hot, right?"

She examined the picture again and the boy portrayed on it; though his dark hair had caught her interest, she had to admit that he was missing something on a second look; maybe if he had some light freckles he would be more her type.
"I bet he's an amazing kisser, too.", she was torn back to her bedroom by Max's statement and stared at her friend confused, wondering where she was going with this conversation. But she didn't have to wait all too long for the answer, because Max continued, "Hey, uh, is Mike a good kisser?", she asked with a sly grin on her lips and curiosity laced in her voice.

El felt her cheeks reddening upon the thought of her best friend and kissing, two things that simply didn't feel right being used in the same sentence. "I don't know…", she answered hesitantly, not sure if Max was intending something with that question and feeling a bit embarrassed to confess the next thing, "I never have kissed a boy."

"Like never ever? Also not for fun during some game?", the immediate reply came.

"No, never. And what kind of games include kissing?"

Max gaped at her, as if she wasn't sure if El was messing with her or not, but as she sensed the honesty in her words, she went on to explain, "Like 'Truth or Dare?' or 'Seven minutes in heaven'?! You must have heard of those."
When El only replied with a shake of her head, the girl sighed, "Oh jeez, we have more catching up to do than I thought. Seriously El, you hang around too much with this bunch of nerds. I thought you were at least getting something out of it, but looks like Mike is more of a coward than I initially thought."

"Why? What does Mike have to do with all of this anyway?", she asked the other girl confused.

"Uh, nothing.", she replied, as she obviously felt like she had said too much already.

But El wasn't ready to drop the topic, yet, "No, you said he's a coward, why? I don't understand what this has to do with me kissing a boy."

Sensing that El wasn't going to back down, the redhead sighed, "Look, I obviously don't know the others as well as you do, but I still have a pair of functioning eyes, and I see how Mike looks at you. There is just something in his eyes that is only there around you. So I thought at first, that he was your boyfriend, which you denied, and so I came to the conclusion, that the two of you must have kissed at some point and now he's longing for more, but doesn't know how to approach the topic, but now you tell me, you haven't even kissed once, so maybe it's even worse than I thought…"

El stared at her friend dumbfounded, not sure if she should laugh about the absurdity of it all or if she should be disgusted by just the slightest idea of Mike and her kissing. In the end she tried to state the obvious, "Mike and I are just friends, best friends. We know each other since forever, we could never kiss, that would be so weird."

"Sure.", her friend said, not sounding convinced at all. "Don't forget to call me when you two are married and have 6 kids."

"Who on earth wants to have 6 kids?!", she countered incredulously, "And anyway, it's more likely that I will marry Ralph Macchio than that I will marry Mike Wheeler! That's never going to happen!"

Max only laughed in return, but dropped the topic to El's great relief; there was just something about the image of Mike and her kissing, that left her on edge and made her feel uncomfortable within her own body.
Still, the image remained in the back of her head, even after Max was long gone (not before they had decided to meet up again the next day to watch Karate Kid), and she lay in bed. It kept coming to the forefront every now and then, and though she tried to shake it off, it only became clearer with passing time. And when she finally drifted off to sleep, the image found it's way into her dreams as well.

...19. October 1984

"What do you mean, you'll spend the afternoon again with Max? What about your plan to come with me to my place? And what about our Friday D campaign?", Mike shot back at her angrily.

"We decided to watch Karate Kid today, no big deal.", El replied, her voice laced with annoyance, but not reaching the same level of anger that Mike displayed. She couldn't fathom what his problem was; so she wasn't going home with him, but that wasn't a reason to snap at her like that. "And anyway, it's not like I stand you up, this is not a fixed thing. I usually spend the afternoons at your place, but today I'm not, end of the story. It's not like this changes any of your plans, because your afternoon will look the same, with or without me."

"You act like it's only about today.", he pressed forward.

She stared at the boy in front of her irritatedly. They had been walking on the school grounds after Mike had approached her, but as soon as the initial talk had turned into a discussion, they had come to a halt, facing each other. Confused by his statement, she asked, "It's not?"

"No! You haven't spent a single afternoon with me in two weeks!"

Now that he pointed it out, she realized that she had in fact spent all her free-time with Max lately. However, despite the truth in his words, she couldn't understand the problem that he seemed to have with this. "Okay, you are right, it's been a while.", she tried to make a step in his direction, "But how about we meet up on Sunday? I keep the afternoon free and…"

"So now we have to fix dates in advance to meet each other?!", he interrupted her, his anger still evident.

El got more and more confused the longer this discussion went on, "I thought this was what you wanted…"

"What I WANTED?!", he spat out, his voice considerably rising, "You think I WANT to be just a note in your calendar, that you squeeze into all your schedules?!"

"Then what is it that you want, because I don't understand any of this!", she shot back in frustration and annoyance over his attitude.

"I want it to go back to how it was. You spent the afternoons at my place and we don't have to fix any dates to see each other."

She had to take a steadying breath to keep her rising anger in check. He had pushed her to the side for weeks over his obsession with Max and now he demanded for things to go back to the way they were before the fiery girl had entered their lives. Still, she tried to explain her point to him, hoping he could see the nonsense in his accusations, "But now I also have Max and I like hanging out with her; she's different. So you can't expect me to come to your place every single day."

"Why do you have to hang out with her anyway?! I don't see what's so special about her.", he complained, the hurt evident in his voice.

"Are you kidding me?!", she hissed at him, no longer able to contain her anger over his words, "YOU were the one, who wanted me to approach her, because you all were obsessed with MADMAX. And now that the two of us actually get along, it's suddenly a huge problem. None of you were asking me how I felt, when you were constantly gushing over Max for weeks, so don't be fucking surprised, if I currently enjoy spending time with her more than with YOU!", she ranted angrily and poked him in the chest with her index finger upon her last words.

"But you weren't supposed to spend all your time with her!", he went on, just as angry as her, "All we asked you to do was to invite her to our Halloween night."

"Well, plans change, and it's not up to you to decide for me, what I am allowed to do or not. If I want to spend time with my new friend, this is my decision and mine alone!", she snapped with a newfound confidence; all the time she was spending with Max had sparked a sense of female empowerment within herself, that she hadn't known up to this point, "And actually, I really enjoy it to not always do the same things for a change, like playing D for the millionth time. With Max I can explore some new stuff, GIRL'S stuff!"

"What is wrong with D ?", Mike asked confused, looking at her as if she was a stranger to him.

"Nothing, I just want to try out some new things and Max introduces me all these great women, like Wonder Woman or Madonna, and I get to talk with her about music, and all kinds of movies, not just Star Wars, and we can chat about boys…"

"Boys?! What boys?", he interrupted her explanation.

Fed up by his attitude, she rolled her eyes at him and sighed, "Just boys in general. I could never talk with you guys about such things."

For a moment he let her words think in, while staring at her as if he saw her for the very first time. After some time spent in silence, he finally said a little calmer than before, "I don't understand why you suddenly want all that. You never expressed any interest in these things before."

"Because I didn't know they existed! We always did what you guys wanted, and now that I want to do some girl's stuff as well, it's suddenly a big problem.", she explained exasperated.

"It's simply not fair that you change everything. It was good as it was!", Mike said defensively over her accusations.

But El was just getting started with laying all the things on the table, that had bothered her for weeks, "Maybe for you, because I always followed the party, no matter if I truly liked it or not! None of you ever considered what I truly wanted!"

"And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?", he shot back at her, his anger slowly returning.

"It means, that none of you ever questioned if I wanted to play D every Friday, or if I wanted to watch Star Wars for the millionth time, or if I wanted to adjust my Halloween costumes to yours. You never asked, you simply took it as granted, that this is what I wanted, too, but now for the first time, I actually do what I want and I don't compromise my wishes in favour of the party. You have never asked me before, so I won't feel sorry now, that I do as I please, and maybe it's your turn now to simply accept that!"

He stared aghast at her during her speech and meeting her level of anger, he shot back, "How am I supposed to accept that you become a whole different person?"

"Oh so just because I explore a few new hobbies and made one more friend, I'm suddenly a whole new person to you?!", El retorted with bitter sarcasm.

"If you act like you do, then yes, you ARE a different person!"

"How I ACT?", she shouted, no longer holding any of her anger back, "What about how YOU ACT? You're all grumpy and act out on me and Max, just because I made some decision for myself, that don't go along with how you have planned things. Not everything can evolve around you, Mike Wheeler!"

The hurt that she was feeling, reflected in his eyes, and was evident in each of his words, "But if you would have stuck to the plan, then we would have a great addition to our party now, and we could celebrate Halloween how we had planned it."

"And how would that have looked like?", El snorted, her patience with him crumbling, "You all dressed as Ghostbusters and what would have Max and I supposed to be, some lousy ghosts?! Sorry, for not playing your ghost anymore, maybe Holly is willing to do as you please!"

"It's not about the fucking costume! We just wanted to have Max in our party!"

"To do what?! Replace me as your friend in it?!", she glared at him deadly, "You had no problem with pushing me to the side since the school year started and Max moved into town!"

He stared at her in shock, some of the anger subsiding and making place for guilt, "El, that's not true..."

But she was done with this conversation and knowing that she couldn't endure looking at him any longer, she stroke her last blow, "Oh, it is and you know it! You treated me like garbage, all of you did, but you as my best friend should have known better. And now that you get some of your own medicine, you realize how bitter it tastes and let it all out on me! But you know what, FUCK YOU, I'm done with you!", and with it she turned on her heels to leave him standing on the middle of the school grounds.

...21. October 1984

Everything about this situation felt wrong.
Mike and she never fought, it was just something they didn't do. Of course, they had little disagreements here or there and sometimes they bickered a little, but it never had been anything serious and usually they went back to normal after a few hours.
However, this time it felt more serious, more real, and it had already been two days since their fallout in which they didn't talk; this were 48 agonizingly long hours for El, in which she replayed their fight over and over again.
Had she been too harsh on him? Had she been unfair when she had told him to fuck off and then had turned around and left him standing there?

"No!", an inner voice was telling her. She had every right to chose who she wanted to be friends with and who she wanted to spent her time with. If he didn't like this, it was his problem not hers, and he shouldn't have acted like a jealous boyfriend in this situation.
And still, she had this nagging feeling, that she had neglected him too much and that she was just as much at fault as he was. Maybe it was time to talk to him again and forget about the past few weeks, because truth be told, she deeply missed her best friend, and she only realized how absent he had been in her life, now that they weren't talking.

With determination she stood up and quickly changed into some casual clothes. So far she had spent this Sunday morning on the bed staring into space and being lost in her own thoughts, and had not bothered with getting changed, still wearing her pyjamas, but now with the goal to talk to her best friend ahead of her, she quickly got ready.
Then she walked downstairs, bid a quick goodbye to her mum, while she slipped into her shoes, before she stepped outside and walked the few metres over to the Wheeler house.

For a moment she contemplated if she should ring at the door, but knowing that Mike was likely down in the basement anyway, she decided to try it there first, and rounded the house going straight for the backdoor.
She was about to knock on it and make her presence known, when she realized that someone had forgotten to fully close the door and she heard Mike's voice echoing, "What's wrong with me? What did I do wrong?"

She halted her movements, as something within told her that this was related to her fight with Mike and the curiosity got the better of her, and so she stood still and kept listening.

"Nothing.", came the simple reply from Lucas, but Mike kept going in a whiny tone, "What did I do wrong? What could I have done wrong?"

El heard Lucas sigh unnerved, "Do I have to go through this again?!"

There were some crunching noises, as if someone was eating loudly, before she heard Mike again, "I just don't understand what I did to deserve this."

"Nothing. Nothing. That's my whole point.", Lucas repeated, "You are the victim here."

"I know. It's just, why is she treating me this way? I don't know…"

The other boy sighed once more, "Mike…"

"What did I do wrong?", her best friend repeated with emphasis and by now El was sure he was eating while saying all this; probably crisps… before midday… she felt disgusted, but she wanted to keep listening to what they were saying about her, "What did I do wrong?"

"Mike, stop.", Lucas intervened, "Relax. Just relax, okay? Stop asking rational questions."
El was getting more and more irritated by this; where in all of this had been any rational questions? So far there had been nothing but an irrational whining coming from Mike, but maybe she had missed that rational part and she just had to keep listening a little longer to catch up on it.

"I know, I know, you're right, you're right", Mike sighed in reply and with a supportive "Yeah" from Lucas, he continued, "Because women act on emotion and not logic."

And before El could even process these words, Lucas added, "Precisely! It's a totally different species."

She had to muster all her willpower to not storm into there and byte the two boys' heads off, as the anger rose in her, but she also wanted to hear the rest of their conversation.
However, she was suddenly surprised by a third voice, as she had assumed that it were only Mike and Lucas in there, but maybe the whole party had gathered together that Sunday morning, "Guys, it's ready!"

"Will, not right now.", Lucas brushed him off.

Her third friend sighed in annoyance, "Your girlfriends are mad with you, so what?! What else is there to talk about?"

"They're not our girlfriends, Will!", Mike retorted, equally annoyed.

"Yeah, that would be weird.", Lucas added quickly, though he sounded not very convinced by his own words.

"And anyway, we're trying to solve the great mystery of the female species.", her best friend continued before he ended his words with a loud burp, "Dude, you can smell the nacho cheese."

She was disgusted, if more by the conversation or their behaviour she couldn't tell, but her friends weren't done, yet, "I got that beat.", Lucas said mischievously.

"What?", Mike asked, matching El's own confusion.

But they seemed to realize what was about to happen, because suddenly both Will and Mike said with slightly panic-stricken voices, "Oh, no! No, Lucas, no!", and before El herself got the chance to catch up, she heard the loud farting noise.

Okay, this was it! She was done with listening to her so called friends, though they were more looking like cavemen to her in this very moment. When had they turned from nice boys into these disgusting animals? She needed to leave and talk to the remaining person she knew, who obviously hadn't lost their mind – Max.
She was just about to turn and walk back to her house, when a cheerful voice caught her off guard, "Oh hi, El! I didn't know you were joining us today."

The blood froze in her veins, as she came to realize, that apparently not the entire party had gathered in Mike's basement, yet. She should have known, that it wasn't like Dustin to remain quiet during any discussion, but when she had heard Will, she simply had assumed that the fourth boy were there as well. But for whatever reason, he was coming later and stood right behind her now, catching her right outside the backdoor.
Her mind was working overdrive to find a suitable reply or explanation for the situation she was in, but before she could come up with anything, the door was pulled open and in front of her stood Mike, all blood drained from his face, "El!", he breathed out in shock.

She stared at him for a moment, the anger over his prior words rising further in her upon actually seeing him, and without a word she turned and walked quickly in the direction of her house.

"El, no wait!", her best friend ran after her, as soon as he had overcome the first shock. He grabbed her by the arm, forcing her to halt, but he slightly flinched back when he saw the deadly stare in her eyes.
She glared at him in annoyance and anger, and she saw the determination crumble within him, "W-What are you… Why are you here?", he stuttered, but gathering some of his courage he finally pressed on, "Do you want to come in? We were about to play a campaign and..."

However, El was not willing to hear any of this, as she shot back in anger, "No, I don't think that's a good idea!"

"What? Why?", he asked in confusion.

"If I only see you and I'm a different species than you, then I should be with my species more.", she spat out with a final glare.

He stared at her even more confused, "What are you talking about?", but El was done with the conversation and turned to leave again.
It took him a few seconds, but as the realization came crushing over him, he gasped, "Wait, did you hear all of that conversation? Did you spy one me? That's totally against the rules!"

He was right, it was against their party codex to listen in on anyone's conversation, but she was done with them and most of all with him and so she cut him off with a last, "I make my own rules!", before she turned away and left him standing there for a second time in two days.

…

And this was how they had ended up not speaking with each other for one and a half weeks and it killed her a little more with each passing day.
Yes, she had been incredibly mad at Mike for the way he had acted during their fight, and also in the weeks prior to that, but as time passed, she realized that she held onto the anger more out of pride, than out of real hatred for him. The truth was, she missed him; she missed hanging out with him, she missed spending her afternoons with him, she missed walking the school hallways with him.
She had been so consumed by her blossoming friendship with Max, that she hadn't realized how much she had neglected Mike over it, and now that they didn't talk and there was no option to just walk over to him, she felt the loss in her life. She still spent all her time with Max these days and she was grateful for it, but the more time passed, the more she also wanted her best friend back.
However, something held her back from approaching him. Maybe it was the feeling, that though she was at fault, too, she felt like he had been acting more unfair to her than the other way around, and so she felt like it was his turn to do the first step in her direction and apologize; or maybe she was simply scared, that if she would walk up to him, that he would tell her, that he was done with her for good.
Whatever the reasons were, she hadn't approached him and neither had he, and so they were stuck in this limbo of ignoring the other one's existence, even though all her thoughts evolved around him by now.

She had been good in shutting out any thoughts about her (former?) best friend for like two or three days, but soon enough he had crawled back into them, taking up more and more space in her mind, to the point, where she had been constantly thinking about him during this day.
It was the Halloween night and following their plan, Max and she had been trick and treating on their own. Max had dressed up as Michael Myers, while El had discarded her ghost costume and had followed her new obsession by dressing up as Wonder Woman.
And though she had felt like a true superhero, she hadn't been able to shake off the feeling that something was missing. Max had tried her best to cheer her up by joking around and randomly scaring other people, but El had been rather absent the whole night.
And just when they had been about to call it quits for the night, Max had decided to scare one more group, but when she had jumped out of the bush that she had hidden behind, she had jumped right into none other than Lucas, Dustin, Will and Mike. The boys had screamed loudly and Max had doubled over with fits of laughter, but El had only stared at Mike, who had stood a little behind the other three boys, and he had stared right back at her. For the first time since their fight, they had looked the other one in the eyes, and she had seen her own sadness reflected in his.
She had been about to say something, but before she could get out a word, the two groups had parted and with it Max had dragged El along, while Mike had followed his friends. She had stared at his back, while he had walked away with his shoulders slumped, looking like a lost boy in his cute Ghostbusters costume.

Now a few hours later, she lay awake in her bed, not able to catch any sleep. Her thoughts kept running back and forth, constantly circulating around what had happened over the past few weeks and around her best friend. She missed him more than she would admit to anyone, not even Max, but yet it felt like this was the end to their story. Maybe that was part of growing up, to accept that friends come and go, and that some things were never meant to be. They had perfectly worked for so long, but now that they had gotten older it was maybe time to accept, that they were simply too different… "a different species"… the words still rang in her ears and they still cut through her heart like a knife, but there wasn't that much anger and bitterness attached to it anymore. By now all that there was left was sadness and the wish to put all the things that had been said to the side and starting anew. Feelings had been hurt on both sides with their words and actions, but nothing hurt more than the loss of her best friend, and maybe it was time for her to overcome her pride and fear in favour of talking to Mike and see if they were able to safe their friendship.

Pong.
The sound of something hitting on glass tore her out of her deep thoughts and back into her bedroom, causing her to sit up straight in her bed with a wildly hammering heart.

Pong.
It resounded in her room and this time left no doubt, that something was hitting her bedroom window.

Pong.
Maybe this was some kind of Halloween prank and some random teens were throwing things against her window or this was the start to some real life horrors, like in those horror movies, that she had watched with Max. She knew these thoughts were irrational, but the surrounding darkness caused her mind to come up with the wildest scenarios.

Pong.
But it was to no avail, she had to take a look and see what was causing this noise. With a hammering heart she stood up, switched on the light on her bedside table and stumbled to the window, opened the curtains and peaked outside. The dead end of the road lay before her in peaceful darkness, only roughly illuminated by some street light in the distance and the shimmer of light coming from her own bedroom. She let her gaze travel to the lawn underneath her window and saw something that looked like the outlines of a lonely figure, but it was too dark to make out who it was.

"El?!", the person underneath her said, upon seeing the movement at the window, and though it was nothing more than a loud whisper, she recognized the voice immediately.

"Mike?!", she squeaked in astonishment, "What are you doing here?"

"Can you please come down?", he whispered back.

Her first impulse was to tell him, that he was crazy for showing up here in the middle of the night, but realizing that any discussion that they may have over the distance of a few metres was likely going to cause waking up her mum, she thought better of it and gave in to his request by nodding her head.
She grabbed a sweater that lay on the chair in front of her desk, and put it over her pyjama top. Then she moved as quietly as possible through the hallway, down the stairs and towards the front door, switching on the entrance light on the way. With a still loudly hammering heart, she opened it and stepped out, walking straight into the waiting boy.

It was still dark outside, but now some light shone through the gap of the ajar door, and illuminated the path in front of her house. Mike stood there, the costume that he had worn earlier had been exchanged by a pair of jeans and a knitted pullover, watching her with nervousness written on his face. "Hi.", he breathed out, still keeping his voice low as to not wake anyone.

"Hi.", she mirrored his example before she repeated her question from earlier, "What are you doing here?"

Not answering immediately, he took another step forward closing some of the remaining distance between them. He stared her right in the eyes, as if he was searching for something, and after what felt like minutes, he finally moved his right arm forward and opened his hand, presenting something to her, that she hadn't noticed he was carrying with him.
"I want to apologize to you, El.", he whispered, still holding out the things in his hand, "And I don't know... I just thought that I couldn't show up barehanded."

The situation confused her, as she wasn't sure what she was supposed to do in this moment, and so she remained still, waiting for some kind of explanation from him. Her silence seemed to make him feel uncertain, because suddenly he pulled his hand back and mumbled, "Sorry, I guess this was a stupid idea…", and he turned abruptly to leave.

"No, wait!", El exclaimed with the panic rising in herself that he could vanish from her life again, and so she said the words louder than it was advisable at such a late hour "Please stay!"

He halted his steps and looked back at her, "You're sure?"

"Yes.", with relief she saw that he turned around and slowly walked back to her, "I was simply a little confused as to what this was that you held out to me."

"Oh…", he chuckled nervously, "This was nothing."

She raised an eyebrow at him, knowing him all too well and sensing that he wanted to back out of whatever he had initially planned, "Mike?!", she pressed on.

"Well, I…", he started to explain, but deciding against it, he chose to lighten the mood instead, "Does your species like M ?"

As this wasn't helping to erase any of her confusion, he moved his hands and opened a little brown package, "Open your hand.", he tenderly instructed.

She did as she was told and Mike dropped a few coloured chocolate beans on her hand. She stared at the sweets for some seconds before a smile broke out on her face. It was just a tiny gesture, but it still caused her insides to do leaps of joy.
Encouraged by her smile, he held a second item to her; it was a white envelope. El nervously reached forward and took it, and with a confirming nod from him, she opened it. Inside was a card, that showed a teddy bear that held a bunch of balloons and inside those was written 'Get Well Soon'.
Upon her questioning look he sheepishly said, "That was the best card I could find in my mum's drawer. The rest were just birthday and Christmas cards…"

While he had spoken, she had proceeded to open the card; inside were written three simple words in his messy handwriting, and yet, they were the most important ones to her in that very moment:

I'm sorry.
- Mike

"I guess there are no cards that say 'I'm sorry for being a jerk to my best friend!"

A grin broke out on her face; she had missed this good humoured boy incredibly and his ability to always make her smile. Still, she also felt the need to not leave him hanging like that and so she went back to the more serious topic at hand, "Mike, it's okay…"

"No, El, nothing about this is okay. And that's why I'm here.", he took a deep breath as to prepare himself and then continued with sincerity, "I'm here to apologize, because I'm sorry, El, for the way I have treated you, and all the things that I have said and done. It wasn't fair to call you out on your new friendship with Max and it wasn't fair how I behaved towards you because of it. And more so I'm sorry for the way I have talked to you and for saying you are a different species than me, as if that was something bad. In fact, I don't care if you want to explore new hobbies and be around girls more often, as long as I get my best friend back!"
And in an afterthought he added, "I miss you."

She felt her heart swell upon hearing all this and before she could think about her next step, she slung her arms around him and hugged him tightly, the package of M 's that he still had been holding falling to the ground from the shock of her sudden physical contact.
"I missed you, too.", she whispered into his shoulder, feeling the relief over being reunited with her best friend washing over her. Now that she finally talked to him again and his well known scent was surrounding her, she realized what a void his absence had left in her life.
All their fights and accusations of the past few days and weeks suddenly felt irrelevant, and she was ready to forgive it all, but there was still something she had to do, "I'm also sorry.", she whispered towards the night sky.

When he heard her words he untangled himself out of her tight hug and leaned back slightly to look her straight in the eyes with a stern expression on his face, "No El, there's nothing you have to feel sorry for. I was the one who messed this up, but you have every right to decide what you want to do and who you want to spend your time with, and I must learn to accept that."

"It's okay, Mike, I understand that. And I'm also at fault, no matter what you say. I shouldn't have spent every minute with Max and neglect you and the rest of the party in the process. It was just so exciting and new, but I will try to balance it more in the future, so that I get to spend time with her, but also with you!", and remembering another thing, she added, "And I'm sorry for spying on you. I shouldn't have done that!"

"And I shouldn't have said what I said in the first place."

She smiled at him, "I have already forgotten about it!"

A smile broke out on his face as well, "So are we friends again?"

Instead of an immediate reply, she hugged him again tightly and this time he hugged her back. Embraced by the one person that knew her like no one else, she finally answered, "Best friends!"

04. November 1987

Her feet felt like they were made of lead, as she moved through the school hallways with each step dragging on painfully slow and bringing her closer to her locker. All the students around her were preoccupied with their Wednesday morning routine; some chatting with friends, others copying homework last minute, and the rest was still in the zombie-like state of a tired teenager. Everyone was acting normal, like this was just a day as usual, and not like her world had fallen apart three nights ago.
El didn't know what she had expected, but somehow it felt wrong that everyone was indifferent, while she was in pain. Maybe it was selfish to think that her personal issues would affect anyone's life, but in this moment she wished that others could feel the ache in her heart and would share her turmoil of emotions, so that she wouldn't feel like a stranger in the world, she had detached herself from.

She moved past all the students, that were nothing more than a faceless crowd, and turned another corner to step into the hallway in which her locker was located. Almost immediately she saw the fiery red of Max's hair, which was braided into two pigtails, when her eyes fell on her destination. The girl leaned onto the metal cabinets waiting for her, just as they had agreed on over the phone the prior day.
Slowly El walked towards her friend and when she was close enough for the other girl to hear her, she spoke with a raspy voice, "G' morning, Max."

"Oh jeez, El...", she exclaimed as her head shot up upon being addressed and recognizing her friend, "You sound like shit!" Studying El's pale face, the dark shades under her eyes and the frizzy hair, that stood up in all possible directions, she added, "And you look like shit, too!"

"Thanks.", El muttered sarcastically under her breath, while she worked on the combination of her locker, "It's great to have such a caring friend as you, who knows exactly how to make me feel good on this awful morning."

Max laughed over her antics, "Yeah, you see, that's me; your wonderful best friend, who always knows exactly what to say to you."
However, her demeanour changed and with some worry laced in her voice, she inquired, "But seriously, you don't look good at all, El. Are you sure, that you are fit enough to be back at school already? Maybe that's more than just a simple cold…"

Fiddling with the lock while Max spoke, El finally got it off and opened the cabinet door, momentarily hiding her face from her friend's view.
She couldn't handle Max's worried expression over her allegedly illness, not when it wasn't entirely true. It wasn't a complete lie either, but it largely bent the truth and left out big parts of the entire story, namely everything that had led to her current state.
El had wanted to confide in her only female friend, but she hadn't been able to do it; like truly physically incapable of saying the words. She had tried to say something about what had happened on Sunday, when they had spoken on the phone on Monday and yesterday, but as soon as she had set her mind to bring up the topic, her throat had constricted to the point that she couldn't breathe any longer and her heart had clenched so painfully, that it had brought tears to her eyes. And without telling the entire story, Max only knew that she had stayed at home, because she had caught a cold, something that wasn't such an uncommon thing for this time of the year, so it hadn't raised any further questions from the redhead.

But what Max didn't know was that the reason for said cold had been the indefinite amount of time, that El had spent huddled on the muddy forest ground, in just a cotton sweater and a pair of jeans, that both had been soaked from the rain, which had been pouring down on her in a never ending stream, after the impact of her actions and Mike's reaction to it had made her lose all steadfastness. Maybe she would still lie there now and mourn her shattered heart, that had been left behind in the darkness of the fateful night to die away, if it hadn't been for the strong arms of her dad, that had picked her up at some point.
Everything that had happened was nothing more than a faint memory of blurry pictures, but El had been able to connect the pieces in her head to conclude, that Hopper had returned home after his dinner date with Joyce, who he had dropped off at her house beforehand, and upon his arrival he had found his daughter in a distressed state outside, so he had carried her into the cabin, where he did everything to care for her. He had somehow managed to get her out of her wet clothes and had put some warm sweatpants and a hoodie on, before he had carried her to the couch, where he had covered her with several blankets and then had taken her in his lap.

There had been something in the way he had hold her, that had made her feel like a little girl; protected, cared for and loved. It was like she was brought back to the times when she had woken up from nightmares featuring all kinds of monsters, and her dad had come for her rescue, taking her in his strong arms in the middle of the night and with it he had taken away the fear of all the nightmares that had haunted her. It was a feeling of safety and security, that makes you believe that all the monsters can be defeated, and which in this intensity only a father can provide to his child.
She had cried and cried, her head buried into the brought chest of her dad, who had hold her until she had drifted off into a restless sleep.
Upon her awakening on the next morning, El had felt the effects of the time spent outside in the rain and from two nights of bad sleep; her head had pounded, the throat had been scratchy, and her eyes and nose had itched. So as a result, Hopper had informed her mum and the school that she was sick and El had done the same when she had talked to Max on the phone in the afternoon.

Retrieving the necessary books from the locker, El moved back to face Max again, "I will be fine.", she murmured, hoping that the other girl would drop her questioning.
And she would be fine again soon, at least physically, that much El knew; the question that remained though was, would she ever be able to restore her heart. Right now, it lay there in million tiny pieces, like the toughest of jigsaw puzzles, and she wasn't sure how to bring back the pieces together.

Max studied her for a few moments, as if she could sense the heaviness in El's words, but eventually she nodded and said, "Alright then, here to another day in this cesspool, that calls itself a school."

El sighed and they turned to walk in the direction of the classroom, where they had their first lesson this morning, a double period Maths; could life be any crueller to her?!
As they strode through the halls, that progressively became emptier while the students moved to take a seat in their respective classrooms, El couldn't help herself but to surreptitiously glance left and right in search of a dark mob of hair, that would be easily detectable for her among all these people. She couldn't tell if it were Mike's height, the unusual nature of his face and hair that were so unique, or if she had a specific radar sense just for him, that always made her detect him immediately as soon as he was in view. However, right now he was nowhere to be seen, leaving her in an unsettled state.

It was not like she wanted to see him, but she knew it was inevitable; Hawkins High was considerably small, just like everything in this goddamn town, so she knew they would run into each other eventually. Adding the fact that they were neighbours, it was rather a matter of hours than days that she would see him again, and she didn't know how to deal with that prospect.
Thus, if she couldn't stop it from happening, maybe it was good to get it just over with, like ripping off a bandage, with all the consequences this might entail and all the emotions that would come to the forefront when being face to face with her childhood friend.

Friend…
The word had a strange edge to it as it entered her thoughts about Mike. Were they still friends?
There was undeniably so much more, it had been there for weeks, months even, but after their kiss not even Mike could fight the argument, that they had crossed the line and that their feelings for each other ran much deeper than those of purely best friends.
El had felt it in the way he had hold her in his arms, pressing her towards his chest as if he had wanted to erase any space between them, while his lips had performed this heavenly dance with her own ones, moving so delicately, passionately, sweetly, hungry, ravishingly, demanding, affectionately, devoted.
His actions had spoken the words he couldn't voice out and they had showed her the true nature of his feelings for her, that he had tried to hide away in the depths of his heart; the spark of lovers that connects two people, forming an invisible bond of belonging. He had claimed her as his with just a kiss, and El could still feel the imprint of his lips on hers, which was probably engraved into her being for eternity.

But then he had closed the door to his heart, shutting her out and leaving her back alone in the darkness of rejection, which caused her own heart to shatter from the thunder of pain and her emotions to tremble under the cold of loneliness, while the rain had washed away any traces of hope.
And with the first light the next morning, she had realized, that she had lost something significant that night; she had lost her unconditional trust in him. A trust that they had built over their entire lifetime together, one so strong, that she had believed it could never be harmed, and which had led to her willingly lay her heart in his hands, because she had been sure, that he would keep it safe.
However, with the betrayal of her trust, El wasn't sure if there would ever be a way to move past this; they couldn't go back to just being friends, but they couldn't be anything else either at this point. Right now, all that was left was a feeling of sorrow, hopelessness, and anger, which neither worked as a foundation for a friendship nor a relationship.
El had no idea if they could ever overcome this and how this could be possibly fixed, and she feared that her next encounter with Mike would confirm that they didn't stand another chance.

Her musings were interrupted when El realized that they had reached the classroom and Max and she had taken their usual seats at the very end of the room. It scared her a little that she couldn't remember getting here, while she had been consumed by her thoughts, but apparently her subconscious had worked enough to follow her friend into her misery (because as nothing else one could label approximately one and a half hours of Maths).
The only good thing she could see in this class right now was, that she didn't share it with Mike. In fact, only Max was with her in this one, while the four boys took an advanced course.
It was definitely one of the downsides to being friends with a bunch of nerds, as it was a constant reminder of her own averageness, that kept bugging El and was contributing to her already damaged self-esteem; there is just as much rejection a girl can endure before the way she views herself suffers from it.
Anyway, this one time it had a positive side effect that their skills were unmatched and caused by that had different timetables. They only shared some classes and none of those were on this day, however, tomorrow would be a different story.

Ms Clemens entered the room and with a snooty greeting started her lecture. El almost immediately zoned out, not even trying to follow her teacher's words. Her interest in numbers and formulas was barely existing on a regular day and with so much else going on at the moment, it couldn't be a surprise that her mind wasn't up to adding such useless information to it.
She rested her head in the palm of her left hand, whereas her right hand absent-mindedly took the pen to draw some nonsense in the corner of her notebook.
Shutting out the classroom around her, El's thoughts went back to what actually mattered: How to gain back her life! Seriously, this is what they should teach one at school, the ups and downs of life and how to navigate through the teenage years undamaged, but no, instead some higher forces deemed it necessary that she learned how to extract the 'x' in a ridiculously long formula, which looked like it was just made up to make everyone look stupid.

At least that was how El felt – stupid. And not only stupid for having no idea how to extract a letter among a bunch of numbers and more letters, but more so, stupid, because of the fool she was.
A stupid fool in love with a boy who had kept her waiting in the dark, always feeding her hopes, just to destroy them again the next moment, a boy who had ultimately made a choice three days ago, but only to hit her with the final blow to break her heart, which she had trusted him with to keep it safe. It all fed into this turmoil of emotions she was feeling, from sorrow to rejection, from shame to fear, from betrayal to hopelessness, but above all that stood anger.
Anger over Mike, who had hurt her feelings, anger over the trust she had so willingly given, anger over the scars that were drawn permanently, and first and foremost anger over herself, because no matter how hurt she was, she couldn't stop loving him. This was maybe the one thing she still knew for sure; she, El Hopper, loved Mike Wheeler wholeheartedly, unconditionally, irreversibly.
Easy as that, right? However, the question was, if love alone was enough at this point, and she honestly had no answer to that.

As if to taunt her own foolishness her gaze fell on the scribblings in the corner of her notebook. While thinking about Mike, she had absent-mindedly written his name and drawn an embarrassingly number of hearts and flowers around it. She stared at the drawing, which felt like a proof of her own wretchedness to El. Was there a way for her to sink any lower than this?
He had hurt her like no one ever had and still here she was scribbling his name like the lovesick schoolgirl she undeniably was. She should hate him, she should curse the day he was born, she should forget he had ever existed and never waste a single further thought on him, but somehow she couldn't, and she despised herself for that, which resulted in an unnerved groan from her, mingling all her anger, frustration and disgust in this single sound.

"Is there something you wish to share with the class, Miss Hopper?", she was roughly brought back to reality by the snippy question from her most hated teacher.

"Uhm, no… sorry, Ms Clemens.", El mumbled embarrassedly, as she felt the eyes of everyone staring at her.

The older woman fixed her with her piercing gaze, "Then it would be advisable, that you don't interrupt the lesson with any further sounds coming from you, Eleanor!"

She nodded, before she lowered her head and Ms Clemens continued the lecture. Trying not to make any further noise, El carefully ripped the page with her little drawing from the notebook and folded it until it was only a small snippet of paper.
Just when she decided to give listening to the lesson a try, El felt a nudge to her elbow. As she turned her head, she saw that Max leaned slightly over to her and held a small piece of paper in her direction. She hastily looked up to see that their teacher stood with the back to them at the board before she snatched away the letter from Max's hand and discreetly unfolded it on her desk.

Spill the tea, what's up?

El had to refrain herself from groaning another time upon reading Max's words. She wasn't in the mood to share the story, so she replied with a simple 'Nothing', folded up the letter and handed it back to Max.
Pretending to be listening to their teacher's lecturing, she kept her face towards the front of the classroom, but El could feel her friend's death stare on her, when she read her reply. Within a few minutes the letter returned to her.

Cut the crap, El! Something is wrong and I can see it. Is it because of your fight with Mike on Halloween?

If it only were just this, but that fight felt like nothing more than an easy banter to her after the events on Sunday. However, El happily moved along with that assumption.

That's part of it. But can we not talk about it right now? Maybe we can hang out this afternoon?

Max would find out about it eventually, so maybe it was time to tell her. Therefore, an afternoon with her female best friend would be just right to tell the entire story, and definitely better than writing it down on a piece of paper in the middle of her Maths class.

Okay, I leave it at that, FOR NOW! But you're not off the hook, yet.
I originally had planned to go to the arcade with Lucas, but you know I will ditch that sucker any time for you. So, my place or yours?

The way Max had underlined the "FOR NOW!" three times told El, that there was no point in dragging it out for much longer, however no one can blame a girl to at least try, right?

Oh no, you don't have to. We can move it to another day.

But the second her friend unfolded the letter and scrambled a hasty reply onto it, El knew she had lost this battle. With a smirk on her lips, Max passed the piece of paper back to her, when their teacher wasn't looking.

Nice try, but no excuses! I will come with you to your place after school, okay?

Okay.

Yes, she had to tell Max the entire story, even if the thought alone cut off the air she was breathing; it would be like reliving the whole evening again, however, she couldn't put it off forever and maybe it would help her a little to confide in her friend. At least she had another few hours to prepare herself for the task.
Well, and then there was the impending encounter with Mike, that surely would happen, though unlike her talk with Max, she didn't know the time and place, yet. It could be within the next hour, within this day or the next, who knew… All she knew right now was, that extracting the 'x' from a formula wasn't the toughest task ahead of her.

The rest of the lesson passed by with the ever-same thoughts running through her head. She couldn't stop her mind from reliving all the past incidents and asking herself the same questions over and over again. Of course, listening to her teacher's lecture had been doomed to fail right from the beginning, and though she tuned back in from time to time, she couldn't recall a single word. At least she managed not to gain any further unwanted attention on her part and so no one interrupted her silent musings.

After what felt like painful eternity, the bell finally rang and ultimately brought El back to the classroom, with all the other students around her hastily packing away their stuff and heading into the small break between classes. Slowly, El followed their example and stored her books and pencil case in her bag, while she could feel Max's eyes boring into her back, who stood by and waited for her friend.
As the last two they left the room and wordlessly walked down the hallway in direction of their next class, which El fortunately shared with Max as well. For their French lesson they would be joined by Will and Lucas, who had taken the course with them, while the other two boys had chosen Spanish.
The bad side of it was, that Mike's locker was close to the French classroom, and they had to pass it on their way there, so chances were high that they might run into him, and just if on cue, she saw the group of boys standing around it, when Max and she turned the last corner on their way to their destination.

Mike stood with his back towards them at the end of the hallway, that the two girls had just entered, and so his slim shoulders and the dark curls were all El could see, but it was enough to send her into a frenzy. Waves of hot and cold washed over her, causing her to shiver involuntarily, and despite the remaining distance of hundred meters between them, she had the feeling he was invading all her senses.
It was like she could feel his physical presence, as if he was standing next to her and his arm was brushing hers while walking, electrifying the touched skin, and making her blood boil, and she was inhaling his well-known scent with each shaky breath that she took, filling her nose with a touch of nutmeg and the hint of maple syrup. Surprisingly there was also a new scent she detected, which reminded her of autumn leaves, pine wood and wet soil, which was mixed into Mike's and was adding a rougher edge to it.
She had the feeling he was permanently imprinted into her being and now that she lay eyes on him for the first time, it came to the forefront and completely disarmed her. El felt weak under the force of his presence in the same room, which spiralled her right back into the dimly lit living room and into his arms, as if he had been waiting for her all along.

Each of their steps brought them closer, causing her heart to race and herself to panic, as her mind drew completely blank. She was straight walking into an encounter, that could be one of the most fateful ones of her life, and she couldn't shake the image of herself on the way to the gallows.
They had maybe passed half of the way, when Lucas recognized the two of them, who stood opposite to Mike and had the best view of the hallway of all the four boys. He leaned forward and said something to Mike with a head movement towards the girls, and with that the tall boy snapped around.

El stopped functioning and came to a halt, no longer able to do another step forward. Max walked a few more steps until she realized that her friend was no longer next to her and turned towards El. All eyes were on her, the ones of Max, the ones of her male friends, but it all became irrelevant under Mike's gaze, that fixated her. She felt them searching her own ones, but she couldn't meet them; she didn't want to see the emotions that would be reflected in them. She had no idea what was awaiting her, but whatever it was, she decided in this split second, that she didn't want to find it out.
Panic driven she hastily looked left and right, just anywhere that wasn't Mike, and suddenly her gaze fell on the washrooms, just a few meters ahead of them. Without any further thought and any explanation, she strode forward and grabbed Max's elbow, basically dragging her along with her towards the wooden door. In her peripheral vision she could see some movement and without taking a confirming look, she somehow knew, that Mike came in their direction. She hastily took the last few meters and with a swift movement she opened the door, entering the room with Max on her heels.

As soon as her friend was in as well, she pushed the door close and dragged her friend further to the back of the washrooms. She somehow doubted that the boys would follow them in here, but she nonetheless wanted to bring as much distance between the entrance and herself as possible.
It was only when they had reached the very last bathroom sink, that she halted and rested her hands on the side of it, balancing her body and trying to catch a breath, as if she had just run a marathon. It had been nothing more than a few meters, but she was panting like they had run for hours and she tried desperately to fill her lungs with air again. The second his eyes had met hers, she had stopped breathing and now her lungs were burning next to her racing heart.
As she stood there over the sink, her eyes travelled up and took a look at her reflection in the grimy mirror. She was greeted by her pale face, as if she just had met a ghost, and her darkly underlined eyes, that spoke of the lack of sleep in the past few days.
Then her gaze moved past her own reflection and she stared right into the scrutinizing eyes of Max. She could hear her friend's question already before she opened her mouth to speak.

"El, what the fucking hell was th-", but the redhead never got the chance to finish that sentence.
All of El's senses had been engulfed in the single goal to escape Mike, and therefore she hadn't paid any attention to her surroundings, or if anyone else was with them. But it was only when Max got interrupted, that she realized her mistake.

It was a scream of insults, that she couldn't understand, because just when she turned to find the source and before her brain could catch up on the situation, the flat hand came in contact with her cheek.
A stabbing pain shot into the flesh that had been hit, causing her vision to blurry momentarily and her to stumble two steps backwards only for her back to hit the bathroom wall. Out of instinct her left hand shot up to cup her burning cheek, while she saw the outline of some people through her teary eyes, wrestling and screaming at each other.
Only slowly she came back to her senses and started to catch up on the commotion happening around her.

"Liv, let me through to HER…"

"No, don't do that!"

"…I swear, I'll kill that bitch…"

"Touch her one more time and you'll wish that you were never born!", El knew that this was definitely Max's voice, though she still had troubles to understand the whole situation and her pounding head was not helping the matter.

"SHUT UP, MAYFIELD! This has nothing to do with YOU!"

"Oh it has a lot to do with ME if you SLAP MY BEST FRIEND!"

"You better watch out, that this so called FRIEND doesn't steal your man, because this is what this one does!"
El's vision had cleared at this point and she was staring right into the furious face of Trish. However, it didn't show any traces of her former beauty; she was pale and just like El she looked like she hadn't slept in days; her eyes were hollow and red rimmed, speaking of the many tears that the other girl must have shed. But now, her eyes were not glistening with tears, but with a raging fire, which was burning El alive under her deadly gaze and seeing as El was now looking at her, Trish's focus had shifted from Max to her directly.
"Yes El, YOU'RE A FUCKING SLUT!", she yelled, while her two friends Emma and Olivia had positioned themselves in front of the furious girl to shield El from Trish, so that she couldn't attack her another time physically, but they couldn't stop the words from reaching her and each one was like a knife to her chest, "You're an ugly, bitter and jealous bitch, and so you go around and steal other girls' men for fun!"

Max had in the meantime moved over to El and had placed an arm protectively over her shoulder, while she was completely frozen and could only let all the insults wash over her. She couldn't say anything in her defence, not when she felt like she actually deserved every single one of them, but Max wasn't minding to fight for her instead, "You better WATCH YOUR WORDS, toad!"

However, Trish was not even thinking about stopping any time soon, as her high pitched voice echoed from the bathroom walls, "Or WHAT?! You want to fight me, Mayfield? If I were you, I wouldn't turn my back towards HER, because I assure you, SHE will stab the knife right into it!"

"Trish, she's not worth it…", one of the other girls pleaded, but the brunette was not even listening to them.

"I'm sure Lucas is the next one on her agenda! Isn't it like that, El?! You only GO AFTER THE BOYS THAT ARE TAKEN!", she screamed, "I always knew you were into Mike, fuck, the whole school knew! It was actually quite embarrassing to watch how you were pining over him for years, but you never made a move, NEVER! And just when he starts dating me you decide to go after him! Is it the kick that you need?! Or are you so bitter that you can't stand it when other people are happy?! WHAT IS IT, EL? And now that you reached your goal, how long will it take before you go after the next taken guy? How long will it take before you look for the next Mike, because THAT'S WHAT SLUTS LIKE YOU DO!"

Word after word hit her, each one hurting just as much as the slap to her cheek, and she could only stand there and let the other girl attack her, waiting for the final blow that would end her, while silent tears ran down her face.
She let it happen without any resistance, not even finding a single ounce of strength within her to fight Trish; maybe it was the exhaustion of the past days causing her to feel helpless and weak, or maybe it was the fury of her opponent that was making her feel small and horrible, or maybe it were the actual words that were shouted at her, because every single one was true – El would have loved to deny it, but she couldn't find any arguments against them when she actually felt like she deserved every single one of them. Of course, she knew she would never go after Lucas and probably Trish knew that as well, but the anger had washed away any voice of reason, however, other than that El had to agree with the other girl and the truth of her own behaviour disgusted herself, causing any words she might have retorted to die down on the way out.

She never had wanted to be that kind of woman that couldn't respect the boundaries of a couple being in a relationship. Whenever she had seen these things in the soap operas she liked to watch so much, she had enjoyed it as part of the show, but always had brushed it off as something that couldn't happen in real life, at least not to her, cause she deemed herself above such poorly written dramas, that were nice to watch on TV, but were a disgusting behaviour if it would happen for real. Such things as cheating or going after a guy who was taken, by using rather cheap and luring measures, was something she regarded as slutty behaviour. It was one thing if two people fell in love with each other, despite them being in other relationships, because sometimes feelings simply can't be controlled, but it was another thing altogether, to push the matter at all costs and not accept certain boundaries. And with each of Trish's words she realized that the other girl was right, she had taken it too far, and with it she had destroyed more than one relationship in the process.

As through a tunnel she heard the further screaming of Trish, but also Max, who was fighting a battle for her, that was not worthy to be fought. She wanted to stop Max from defending her, because she didn't want her friend to burden any of the guilt, that she had put onto herself, but she had no strength left to speak a single word.
El realized that Max had turned her body towards her and had placed both her hands on El's shoulders, likely as to steady her friend, who was close to fainting. However, her head was turned towards the other three girls, one being Trish, who was partially shielded from their view by her friends and who built a barrier between the two main opponents, while trying to calm the screaming girl.
Still, she could see Trish's face, which spoke of the blind fury written all over it, and though the words no longer reached El's ears, as if her mind had decided to shut down the outside world, she could read everything she needed to know in the girl's facial expressions.

Even without knowing any details, it was evident to El that Trish knew about Mike's and her incident at the cabin; she knew that something had happened between them, something that shouldn't have happened while Mike was officially committed to someone else. She could only guess, but probably Mike had immediately drove up to Trish's house on Sunday evening and had confessed his mistake to his girlfriend, probably begging her for forgiveness. She felt sick to her stomach at just the whiff of a thought, how he likely had spoken about the great mistake that he had made and how he regretted every second about it, how he had momentarily been confused by some lifelong feelings for his best friend, but that he had realized, that she could never come close to Trish, and how he ultimately had chosen her over El, begging Trish to give him another chance.

The more so she suddenly got surprised by tears streaming down Trish's face. All the fury had built up within the other girl and had pushed her to her breaking point, slowly giving way to tear after tear rolling down her face and washing away the control, that she had over the situation and El. She could literally see her collapse in front of her eyes, her shoulders sinking, and the aura with which she always had held herself, vaporizing into nothingness. She was shrinking, like she had been this overly powerful woman, who nothing could harm, and now turned into a small girl, more helpless then any of them, who was dreading to fall apart just like El.
Her friends seemed to sense the shift as well, because Emma and Olivia reached out to steady Trish, similar as to what Max was doing with El, before the tears could force her to the ground. And with it, it hit El, that despite their differences, they were very much alike in this very moment.
She had never questioned Trish's feelings, because they had been irrelevant to her. Maybe it had been self-protection, that had caused El to ignore her opponent's emotions, too scared as to what she might find, or it had been some form of arrogance, that had caused her to think that only she had felt something for Mike in all this time. Whatever it had been, she suddenly realized how selfishly she had only considered herself and Mike in this weird love triangle that they all were stuck in. To El Mike had always belonged with her, because in her self-centred mind no one could ever feel the way she did for him, as if she was the only one able to love him, but maybe her dislike for Trish had caused her to forget that also her heart had been part of the game, and that the stakes of it breaking were just as high as for herself.
And before she could think about it, she spoke the question, that now invaded her mind and fuelled her with guilt, being the first words she said during the entire encounter, "Do you love him?"

Max, Emma and Olivia all gasped and turned their heads to El, surprised by her suddenly speaking and by the odd question, but Trish only studied her wordlessly while the tears continued to run down her face. Their gazes locked, both visions a little clouded, but still it was like they saw the other one for the first time, without prejudices or distaste, simply two girls who were stuck in a situation that had hurt them both.
The seconds ticked by and anxiety started to build up in El, as she waited for a reply by the brunette girl; she couldn't even say which answer she dreaded more, that Trish didn't love him and that Mike had chosen a girl over her that didn't feel the same for him, or that Trish did love him and that her outburst was born from more than hurt pride, but spoke of true pain, that El had inflicted on her with her actions over the prior weeks.

Finally, Trish spoke, again surprising El with a sudden defeat audible in her voice and with the words themselves, "I could have, if we would have gotten a real chance! But it's hard to allow yourself to fall in love with someone, who's heart is already occupied and always has been."
El gaped at her, completely speechless over the unexpected reply; she had thought that she would get a simple 'yes' or 'no', and that the other girl might lie about it to conceal her feelings, but she hadn't expected such an answer, that was so vulnerable and could only be regarded as sincere.
However, the other girl didn't even expect a reply from her as she continued in a way that sounded like she was more talking to herself than to anyone specifically in the room, "He was the first one I wanted to be in love with… I wanted this to work…"
She got interrupted by a new wave of tears, that run down her face, and El felt how the first surprise was replaced by an enormous gilt, one that she had felt deep down in herself ever since her actions on Sunday and maybe even to some extent before that, but which now hit her full force and consumed every part of her being, causing her to feel smaller than she had after all the verbal attacks from some minutes ago.
She never had wanted to be such a person, who willingly hurt others to achieve their own selfish goals. She always had regarded herself as kind-hearted, as someone who looked out for her friends, but also tried to treat everyone else with the same respect, even if she didn't particularly liked someone. Never in her wildest dreams had she thought, that she were capable of being this awful to someone else, even if that someone was Trish of all people, because no matter how much she despised the other girl, hurting her like that wasn't fair and something El would have never thought she would be capable of doing.

But here they were, in some disgusting washroom of their school, both hurt and teary-eyed, and she felt nothing but disgust for the person she had become. She couldn't believe how loving a boy had turned her into this selfish individual, who only had her own wishes and desires in mind.
Love was supposed to be something beautiful and all the stories she had read about love and all the movies she had seen, had always drawn an image of lovers, who became the best version of themselves, because of the love sparking between them. But she couldn't say the same about Mike, Trish, and most of all herself; all of them had turned something beautiful into some sick game, where everyone wanted to win the price at all cost, not one moment considering, that the stakes for playing were their hearts.

She wanted to say something, some form of apology, but all the words sounded insincere and wrong in her head, and the guilt was constricting her throat. She wanted to say that she was sorry for everything that she had done, for doing everything in her power to jeopardize Trish's relationship with Mike, for not considering certain boundaries, which decency dictated, but she was not able to speak any of it.
All that was left for her was to stare back at the other girl, hoping that some of those things in her head were reflected in her eyes and after some moments passing in deadly silence, Trish nodded, hardly visible to anyone who wasn't staring at her with same intensity that El did, and she said quietly, nothing but a whisper floating through the tile covered room, "I wanted what you always had…"
And with it, she pulled herself out of their silent communication and turned on her heels, leaving the other four girls behind in shock.

El gasped for air, as the force of the words and everything that had happened in the past few minutes hit her chest and forced the breath out of her lungs. She was incredibly grateful, that Max was already holding her, because latest by now it would have been the moment, in which she could no longer hold the weight of herself and the burden of emotions pressing down on her as some kind of heavy rock. Meanwhile, her peripheral vision took in Emma and Olivia, who shook themselves out of their initial stupor and hastily rushed to catch up with their friend, who had left the room just moments ago.

With the door closing after them and leaving the two of them alone, El let out a sob, followed by another one, and another one, finally free to express the confusion, guilt and pain in this single sound.
"What the fuck was THAT?!", Max exclaimed next to her, not directly addressing El, but more so trying to process everything that just had happened. She turned to the sobbing girl, now directly speaking to her, "El, what the fuck did just happen?", but not receiving an immediate answer, she pressed on in a mixture of concern and impatience, "El, I see that you're distressed, but please talk to me!"

She knew that she owed Max an explanation after everything she had done for her the past few weeks and how she had fought for her against Trish without even knowing the whole story to it. Maybe this moment was just as good as any other, now that she was hurt beyond measures, and talking about it couldn't make it any worse at this point. And maybe it was good to finally have someone she could confide in with all her confusing thoughts and self-loathing, even if it was just to get the confirmation from her friend, what a horrible person she truly was.
So she nodded, but said, "Not here…"

Max immediately understood, not needing any explanation to know, that El wanted to leave this dreary room, which felt even more disdainful now than it already did on a normal day.
She slung her arm around El's waist, offering a support to the drained girl, that she equally welcomed and despised, feeling unworthy of such a caring gesture from her friend. But not having the strength to fight it, she let Max guide her towards the door and out into the deserted hallway. The lessons had started some time ago and with it all the students had disappeared, leaving not a single soul in sight. A part of her had feared that Mike had stayed outside the washroom, maybe even listening in on what was going on inside, but it seemed like he had chosen to go to his Spanish lesson and El was endlessly relieved that she didn't have to deal with him right now.
When he had been walking towards her earlier, she had felt like she couldn't deal with him or anything else in that moment, but this had been nothing compared to how she felt now. How long had it been since then; 20, 30 minutes maybe? She couldn't tell, but it felt like she had gone through an entire life since then; but lately each moment of her life felt like a lifetime...

Without questioning where they were going she let Max lead her through the halls until she eventually pushed open the backside exit, leading them outside and to the picnic area with all the tables and benches, where the redhead placed her on one of them.
It was rather cold out here, but El welcomed the fresh breeze, which at least washed away some of the heaviness pressing down on her. Additionally, the sun was shining and though it didn't help to make it any warmer outside, it tickled nicely on her cheeks and dried the remaining wetness on it.
She let her gaze travel around and as she took in her surrounding she realized that she had sat on the exact same spot almost a month ago; it felt weirdly familiar, though everything had changed since then – same spot, but she was a different person – it was crazy how much had changed since that Homecoming night.

"El?', Max's question drew her attention away from the memory of chocolate eyes staring at her in the dim light of the gym, back to the here and now, "I don't want to push you, but I'm seriously dying here. I feel like I missed something in-between Halloween and whatever it was, that just happened. Usually, I would assume that this bitch has simply turned mental, but I can see on your face, that there is more to the story."

"I kissed him.", El pressed out the words dryly and quickly, getting over with admitting the shameful truth.

Apparently, Max hadn't expected such a quick answer or she was taken aback by the words themselves, because she asked confused, "Who?"

She looked back at her friend slightly annoyed, not able to stop the sarcasm to take the better of her, "Who would I possibly kiss among the long list of candidates?!"

"Yeah okay, that was stupid, I just try to process this.", Max replied while she studied her closely, and as the words finally sank in, she exclaimed, "Wait, so you're telling me, that Mike and you kissed?!"
Though El only reacted with the tiniest of nods, it was enough to elate her friend, "Oh my god, you truly kissed him?! Like for real? When, how? How was your first kiss? Was it any good?! I need all the details!"

She did nothing, but let the storm of her friend's excitement wash over her, not able to find any excitement in herself. She had always thought, that whenever she would finally kiss a boy (which in her dreams always had been Mike of course) she would happily share all the details with her female best friend, while they would grin and giggle about it all the time, similar as it had been after Max and Lucas had kissed for the first time. But in her current reality, there was nothing of that left, and she felt numb and exhausted, as the butterflies in her stomach had died a few days ago.

With her silence Max's first excitement was slowly subsiding as well and the more she thought about it, the more the pieces started to fall into place in her head – El's bad state, her weird reaction over seeing Mike, Trish's outburst half an hour ago – and she could literally see in her friend's face, how she started to see the greater picture, when she gasped in horror, "El, what happened?"

She braced herself for telling the story, that she actually wanted to forget, but she knew she had to tell it to someone and who was better than her best friend. Max and she had become the closest they could get over the past three years, and she was probably the one person she trusted the most after Mike. Now, that she felt like there was nothing of said trust left between her and him, Max was her only anchor, and though she feared she could lose her as well, as soon as she would find out the truth, El started to finally tell the story; how she had gone to her father's cabin and how Mike had eventually found her there, their big fight and how she had lost control and had overstepped the line and had kissed him, how he had kissed her back, but also how he had said Trish's name after she had ended the kiss, and finally how she had run after him into the pouring rain and how she had begged him to stay, but he had made his final choice and had left.

Max had silently listened to her talk, not interrupting her once, as she probably sensed, that El wouldn't be able to finish it, if she would have gotten interrupted. It was only when she summed it up with, "...and so he chose her over me.", that Max spoke up for the first time, or better said, raged, "What a fucking ASSHOLE! I swear, I will punch him so hard the next time I see him, that he will regret the day he was born!"

El felt extremely exhausted after retelling the story, but with her last bit of remaining energy she sighed, "No, Max, please don't say that."

However, her friend wasn't even considering to stop her rage against Mike any time soon, "Me saying this is the least of his problems, because I'm dead serious, El! Don't defend that motherfucker!"

"I'm just as much at fault as he is…"

"Are you FUCKING KIDDING me?! He left you!", she interrupted her reasoning and with putting emphasis on each word, she added, "In. The. Rain."

"But I shouldn't have kissed him in the first place.", El tried to bring back the conversation to her own misdoing.

Max only snorted contemptuously, "He can call himself lucky that you were actually willing to kiss him. And as it sounds like, he wasn't much complaining either. But of course he had to be a coward, why am I even surprised, it has always been that way!"

El felt like her friend was missing the whole point, "No Max, that shouldn't have happened… He's in a relationship and…"

"You call that a relationship, with that bimbo?!", Max interrupted her again, "Nah, she didn't deserve any better."

"Max, no!", she repeated, "It was my fault!"

"El, listen to me! You have to stop with being so understanding with everyone and you must stop that damn self-loathing! Was it maybe not the perfect timing? Yeah, maybe. But fuck it, things like that happen. Actually, it was doomed to happen. You two are in love with each other as long as I know you both, and I don't care what both of you said and how you were both denying your feelings back then and how some of you still do up to now. I KNOW WHAT I SAW from day one onwards and this had to happen eventually! But what I fucking can't believe is, that even after this, that asshole has the audacity to run, and if kissing you doesn't bring him to his senses, then me punching him will definitely do the job!", the girl raged with the fire that was always burning in her.

"Don't do that, please.", El pleaded in reply to her last remark and upon seeing no reaction from her friend, she pressed on, "Max, please promise me, that you won't punch him!"
The redhead acted as if she didn't hear her and so she emphasized it another time, "Max, PROMISE it!"

"Okay, okay. I promise it!", she sighed stubbornly, "But I'm still mad at him beyond words!"

She shook her head defeatedly, "You should rather be mad at me instead."

"Sorry, to disappoint you, but I can't bring myself to see any flaw in your behaviour.", Max replied with a shrug.

"You should though…"

"Remember, I make my own rules.", she said grinningly and El couldn't help but to smile a little upon hearing that old phrase; a saying that Max had taught her right in the first week of their friendship.
It wasn't much, but for the first time in days she felt a little hope, that not everything was lost and broken in her life, and she felt such a relief that she finally had confided in someone. Though she had dreaded this talk and had not enjoyed reliving the events through her own words, she felt a lot better now that it was done. She had the feeling, that she no longer was alone in this and that someone stood by her side, despite her own flaws and wrongdoings, and it meant more to her than she could ever fully express.
Still, the events of this morning and the past days had drained all the energy out of her and so she soon expressed her desire to go home. School wasn't over, yet, but in no way she felt able to go back to some classroom and pretend she was listening to whatever the teacher said; even that simple pretence felt too much for her in that very moment.
Max immediately understood and despite her knowing the whole story now, she insisted on going home with El like they had initially planned earlier, and soon after the two girls left the school and drove through Hawkins to her house.

El looked forward to curling up with Max in front of the TV, with some hot chocolate in hands, and watching whatever nonsense was on at this time of the day; it would be the perfect way to shut out all thoughts and give herself the rest, that she craved so desperately.
However, as soon as her house came into view, she saw something, that put an abrupt end to all these plans – or more precisely – someone.
She would recognize his black hair everywhere and as soon as they turned into their street, she knew Mike had skipped school, just like they had, and was now sitting on the little step in front of her house, waiting for El's arrival.

"I can't do this right now", she whispered towards Max, as they discarded their bikes on the lawn. There was only so much she could handle in a single day and her limit had been reached long ago.

"Don't worry, I got this!", her friend replied determined and without further ado she stormed towards the waiting boy.

Mike had stood up when the two girls came closer and was about to take a few steps towards them, but he didn't get far, as the fiery redhead walked up to him with long strides, "Wheeler, you better remove your sorry ass from here and go home or I swear, I will forget myself!"

His features immediately changed from nervous anticipation to annoyance upon the girl's attack; despite them all being friends by now, Mike and Max had never been able to fully overcome their rough start from three years ago and so there was always an underlying tension between the two, that was set loose whenever one of them attacked the other one.
"This is none of your fucking business, Mayfield!", he shot back, matching her cold tone, "I need to talk to El!"

"She doesn't want to talk to you right now, so fuck off!", Max said unabashed, not showing any sign of backing down towards the taller boy.

He stared down at her angrily, "And you know what she wants?!"

"Better than you do and right now she doesn't want to hear any of your shit!"

"This is ridiculous…", he spat out annoyed and took a look over Max's shoulder straight at El. Addressing her directly, he continued in a lot softer tone, "Please, El… can we please talk?"
She hastily reverted her eyes, not able to meet his and see the desperation in them; she was afraid that looking at him would make her give in to his pleads and she just wasn't ready for it. Not able to say anything either, she only shook her head as a reply to his question and seeing it, he pressed on, "El, please, I'm sorry! Give me a second to explain everything."

But instead of El it was Max who answered him once more and she wasn't done with attacking him, yet, "She's not your dog, who comes around whenever you feel like it!", El heard her rising voice, though she was still not looking at Mike and therefore also not Max, "You FUCKING LEFT her that night! I swear, if I didn't promise her, I would punch you so hard for that stunt!"

"I told her I needed to fix things!", the boy shot back at Max angrily and towards El he continued again in a calmer tone, "I know I messed up, but I try to sort this out now!"

"Does that include sending your crazy girlfriend to attack us?!", Max continued arguing with him on El's behalf.

This time she caught him completely off guard and he let out a confused, "What?"

"That crazy BITCH slapped El in the face!"

"WHAT?!", Mike repeated, as he still had problems to follow Max's train of thoughts despite her explanation, but as the words slowly started to sink in, he turned his attention back to El, "Wait, Trish slapped you?" Fuck El, are you okay?"

He wanted to move towards El, but the smaller girl in front of him put a hand on his shoulder and held him back, "No Wheeler, she is NOT OKAY! Your mental girlfriend attacked her, after you told her whatever story about what has happened. But this is only a small footnote on the long lists of things, that you have pulled off. So you better remove yourself from this front yard this instant or I will do it for you!"

"No, no, no wait!", he hastily stepped in, "She's not my girlfriend anymore!"

She immediately knew it was true, when the words left his mouth. Something in El had already suspected that they had broken up when Trish had confronted her, but she hadn't been able to allow the thought to blossom in her mind; too much had broken in her already and such a thought would have been like poison to her already dying self. And in the end, it didn't change anything anyway, as they had passed the point a long time ago, where a simple break up would solve everything between them.
A sarcastic laugh from Max brought El back to the situation taking place in front of her,"Oh, so she dumped your ass?! Good for her! I didn't thought she had it in her!"

"SHUT UP, MAX!", Mike shot at her furiously before he spoke over her shoulder, "El, please listen! This is one of the things I wanted to talk about with you…", he paused momentarily to glare at the redhead, "...privately…", but Max wasn't showing any sign to move away and so he continued unnerved, ",...but okay, then here. I just want you to know, that I broke up with her. I did so right away after… I left you."

"Why?", came the whisper from El, surprising Max, Mike, and above all herself when she suddenly spoke for the first time during the whole interaction between them.

"Why, what?", he asked confused, but tenderly, "Why did I break up with her?"

The softness in his voice caused her head to turn and for the first time she looked him in the eyes, almost trembling when she saw her own hurt reflected in his orbs. "No, why did you leave me?", she whispered almost inaudible.

"I- I told you… I needed to fix things.", Mike stumbled over his own desperation to get the words out, "I thought you knew what I meant..."

"No, Mr. Know-It-All, she DIDN'T KNOW what you mean!", came the angry answer from Max instead, "You ran away from her, what is she supposed to think about that?! You left her in the pouring rain, for god's sake, you can thank heaven that she only caught a cold and that her dad found her before she could have become seriously ill!"

"Fuck, I-", he helplessly searched for the right words, "El, I thought you would go back inside…"

"I begged you to stay…", it was El's turn to speak up again, the words hardly above a whisper.

"I know…", he whispered with audible pain in the voice.

She couldn't help herself as the tears threatened to fall again, "Then why did you leave me?"

"Because I couldn't stay…", he confirmed what she already knew and upon hearing the words of rejection, that he could never give her what she craved, the tears fell down her face.
"No El, please, you don't understand!", he pleaded with panic as he saw her in this state. Through her wet eyes she saw how he could no longer hold himself back and pushed Max aside, taking a few long strides towards her and before she could react or stop him he had encircled his long arms around her, so that her tear strained face was pushed into his chest, immediately clouding her mind with his scent, that equally comforted and frightened her now. She only stood there and cried, neither able to hug him back nor to push him away, as she needed his touch just as much as she couldn't take it.
For some time they simply stood there like that, before Mike broke the silence again, whispering, "Because if I would have stayed, I would have never been able to leave you again, and I would have hated myself for that!"

His words were the push that she had needed to pull herself out of his tight hug, as they fuelled her anger, "Is the thought of you and me so disgusting to you, that you must hate yourself for it?!", she cried.

"No!", he replied in shock, "You get it all wrong!"
He looked at her helplessly, while El glared up at him, waiting for some explanation, that would likely only confirm that they had reached the end of their story; she didn't see how she could ever overcome his betrayal and the pain he had inflicted on her. Still, some hopeless part in herself wished for him to say or do anything, that would wash it all away and patch up her broken heart.

They stared at each other like that for a while, he trying to make her understand whatever it was that ran through his mind and she daring him to speak and end not only the conversation, but also whatever was left from their lifelong friendship.
Finally, Mike sighed and gave in, "Fuck… what I'm trying to say is, I could never be disgusted by you or… us.", he added as an afterthought, letting the word linger on his lips for a moment, as if he tried to get used to its taste, before he continued, "I guess, that yes, I was fucking scared for so long… hell, I still am, but I can't pretend anymore. You were absolutely right when you said, that I have been lying about my feelings. I tried so hard to pretend to not see it, to not feel more than I was allowed to feel for you as my best friend, but I can't do this anymore. You are my first thought in the morning, and my last one in the night; you make me the happiest when you are around me and whenever you are gone, I catch myself wanting to be close to you again; I can't breathe when you look at me and whenever you smile, it's like I'm falling down that hole... and you know what? It's the best feeling in the world and I can no longer act like this doesn't mean anything. Not after that… moment."

It was like the words had opened a knot in himself, cause suddenly they kept coming, as if he had to get it all out once and for all, not even waiting for any reaction from her, "But El, please understand that I couldn't stay that night. I already let it go too far…", he pleaded, before he hastily added, "And don't think that this means, I didn't want it. Fuck, I wanted this so much… I dreamed about this and so much more for so long, even though I tried to lie to myself about this fact, but I couldn't allow any more of that to happen. Not then, not when I was still in a relationship."
He took a deep breath and then went on, desperately trying to explain himself, "All I always wanted to do was the right thing, and with it I messed it all up. I just wanted to hold onto our friendship at all costs and so I kept this relationship with Trish going, because with it I could keep pretending that you're only my friend. I wanted this to work so badly, that I didn't think of hurting your feelings or Trish's, because I thought this was the best for everyone. But in the end, my feelings for you kept coming in the way, and the longer it went on, the harder it got to pretend, and it all led to that moment, in which…", he stared her right in the eyes before he breathed out, "…in which you kissed me."

Her heartbeat rang in her ears, as it hammered so loudly because of his words, while her mind still tried to catch up with their meaning, not able to believe any of what she was hearing. Her tears had subsided, as her whole self was too entranced in Mike's speech, helplessly hanging on his lips, and afraid that she could miss any of it.
"And El, please believe me when I say, that I wanted nothing more than to stay in that moment with you forever, but I couldn't. I never wanted to be that guy, who plays with some girl's feelings or who cheats on his girlfriend, but somehow I became exactly that, and I fucking hate myself for it. That's why I said, that I needed to fix this, because even though I can't go back and change anything, I at least owe it to all of you to be honest with myself, my feelings and with Trish and you. And that's why I ran that night, because I was afraid that I would make it worse if I stayed and because I wanted to sort out this mess, starting by telling Trish the truth, the entire truth, and tell her that I couldn't be with her any longer, because I couldn't betray her any more than I already did."

He let the words linger for a moment and mustering up all his courage he took a step towards her, closing some of the distance, that she had put between them after ending their hug, "And that's why I'm here now, because I also need to fix this thing between you and me, and though I know I fucked up massively, I somehow want to make it up to you, because as I already told you, you are the most important person in my life and I can't loose you! I simply can't loose you, El!"
As if to underline his words, he took another step forward to stand right in front of her and looking down at her, he spoke right from his heart, "It scares me to loose you, it scares the living daylights out of me how I feel about you, but I tried to hide, to pretend, to run away, and it only caused me to push you further away in the process, and this is the last thing I ever wanted. So if saving us means to give in to these feelings, I'm willing to take the risk. Just tell me I haven't lost you and I will be all yours, in whatever way you want me in your life!"

For a while there was nothing but silence, the sheer impact of his words had caused her to lose all ability to speak. Just a few days ago she would have given everything to hear those words and she would have done nothing more happily than to tell him, that she was his and that she wanted to remain his forever.
But now? Now she felt lost. Lost because she no longer could sort out the emotions running through her, as it were too many at the same time; lost because something had gone missing in the constant turn of events; lost because she couldn't give him the answer, that he pleaded her to give, "I can't…", was all she eventually got out.

He waited for her to say something more, but as nothing came he asked instead, "You can't? What do you mean by that?"
Still there was silence, as El struggled to get any word out, and with the seconds passing by he became more and more desperate, "El, please talk to me…", he begged.

With all the willpower that she could muster, she pushed herself to get some of the words out, that she feared to hear herself, "I can't tell you what you asked me to… I want to, but I can't!"

"No, El please, don't do that!", his voice was breaking, as the desperation in him rose, "Please don't say that! I know how much I messed this up, but please trust me when I say, that I'm all yours!"

"Mike…", she sighed when he unintentionally had brought up the core of the whole matter, "This is exactly the problem: I don't know if I can still trust you. One day we are friends, on the next we don't talk; you tell me you want me to be happy, then you proceed to break my heart over and over again; we kiss and you tell me now, you wanted nothing more than to stay, but still you ran… You're actions are so contradictory, that I no longer know what is true and what is not. You say you were pretending all this time and that you finally want to come clean to fix everything between us, but how can I trust, that you won't change your mind again tomorrow?"

His eyes displayed a sadness upon hearing each of her words and she sensed that he wanted to reach out to her and sooth her doubts away with a hug, but there was a new kind of invisible barrier between them, that none of them was able to overcome, "I won't, I promise you that! Just please, don't make me loose you!", he finally whispered.

But she couldn't allow herself to believe him; all she could do at this point was to be honest with him, "I want to believe you, but it's not that easy. I have to regain my trust in you, I have to sort out all the mess in my head, and I have to somehow make peace with everything, that has happened!"

"I do anything you want to fix this!", he tried to convince her.

A sigh escaped her lips, "Mike, it's not just you, it's also me. You say, that you hate yourself for the role you played in all of this, but I hate myself just as much!", he tried to interrupt her, but she immediately cut him off, "No, let me finish! I hate myself for selfishly going after you when you were in a relationship with someone else, not considering if I would hurt you or Trish with my actions; I hate myself for being so foolish and letting you decide on every step of the way, letting you close to me whenever you wanted and play along when you pushed me away again; and I hate myself for every tear that I shed over you. I always considered myself a strong person, but you turned me into this crying mess, who has shed more tears than I could ever count, and turned me into a version of myself, that I absolutely despise."

He had stared at her helplessly during her own little speech, as if the way she viewed herself was physically hurting him, and at the end silent tears ran down his own face, "No, don't say that, El! All that has happened is only my fault, mine alone, and you are the most amazing person I know! You're strong and at the same time so sweet, you're considerate, you make me laugh like no one else can, you are incredibly smart, and you have the biggest heart of anyone I know and somehow you always have found a space for me in it. You're my best friend, and at the same time you are so much more than that; you always have been so much more! You're my home and I- I lo…", the tears constricted his throat and stopped him from finishing the sentence.

El wanted nothing more than for these words to be true, but she knew better, "I wish I could see this image of myself that you paint, but maybe this imagery is a delusion, nothing but a lie that you keep holding onto. I would love to trust your words, but as I said, I don't know what I can still believe in."

"Then what can I do to fix all this?", he pleaded in a final attempt to get through to her, though he already knew that the battle was lost.

"First and foremost, I need time to sort out all my thoughts and feelings; it's simply too much at the moment!"

He nodded immediately to ensure her, that he was fine with whatever pace she set, "That's fair enough. Just don't close the door on me and tell me what I can do."

"Mike, I don't know…", she said hesitantly, not willing to feed his hope with false promises, "I guess, I have to learn to trust you again. I have to trust that you really mean what you're saying this time and don't change your mind again tomorrow."

"I won't and I will do everything to prove it to you, I promise!", he replied straight away.

El nodded indefinitely, not sure if he was able to keep the promise this time. She didn't want to hope for anything, that might turn into another delusion after a harsh awakening. Feeling the exhaustion of the past minutes, hours, days come creeping back in, she only said, "But not today, please. I had enough for a single day already and I need some rest."

"No of course, that's fine…", he hastily rushed to assure her, "I'm just glad, I got a chance to talk to you.", and with a side eye towards Max, who El had completely forgotten during their exchange and who stood a bit closer to her house, badly pretending she didn't see or hear anything, he added, "Maybe this wasn't how I pictured it, but I take the opportunities as they come."

She couldn't stop the smile from forming on her lips, causing him to smile a little as well over her reaction to his words. No matter how messed up they were right now, both with tear strained faces and heavy hearts, stuck in an undefinable situation, where they no longer knew who they were and what they were for each other, Mike still managed to lighten her mood, even if it were just for the tiniest of moments.

Before she got carried away, and could say or do something that she would regret later, she quickly turned towards her waiting friend at the front door, and moved past the tall boy.
Just when she reached Max, a thought shot through her mind and she turned back to Mike one last time, who was still standing where she had left him, staring right at her. The smile from just a few seconds ago was gone and he looked sadly at her, not hiding the fact, that he must have been following her with his eyes while she had been walking away from him.
"Mike?", she addressed him, causing his eyes to widen a little in anticipation of what was about to come, "Please promise me one more thing: Don't confront Trish about the slap on my face!"
The raven haired boy looked at her in astonishment and she could hear the light gasp of surprise coming from Max, but she continued either way, "I know she did it, because she felt hurt and she had every right to be. She… we…", El searched for the right words, "Let's say we came to some form of understanding for each other and I don't want you to add any more pain to it."

Although he still looked slightly confused, he nodded his agreement, and with this matter sorted, El quickly turned away from him again, not waiting for any further statements from Mike, and opened the front door to her home, letting Max in with her, before she closed the door and with it also shut out her heart.

07. November 1987

Another year older, but did that mean she was also another year wiser?
If wiser meant that she knew all the answers to the questions in life, well then she had to say that there were more unanswered now than ever before. But if wiser meant, gaining more experience in life, then she felt like she had experienced enough in the past few weeks to last for an entire lifetime.
Maybe she had to add that question to all the remaining unanswered ones...

El lay in bed, while the last hour of her birthday had started to tick by, and as sleep wasn't about to come, her mind drifted off to the ever same questions running through her head, but she wasn't closer to answering any of those than she had been a few days ago.
She desperately wanted to move on and find some form of closure in her life, but she was stuck in the almost same state that she had been in last Wednesday. If anything had changed, then that she wasn't as angry anymore with herself or Mike, and instead of the hatred for herself that had consumed her, she now felt some form of resignation; maybe she had simply accepted the person, that she had become.

However, in regards to Mike, she was still stuck right in the same feelings as she had been when she had closed the door on him. There was this wish in her, like a little spark, to overcome all their obstacles and somehow continue in whatever way, but it wasn't strong enough to enlighten a fire in her. Something was still holding her back, as if she tried to protect the ghost of her heart, while she had lost her real one about a week ago when it had shattered beyond repair on the forest ground.
She was somehow waiting for him to say or do the one thing that would finally let her believe, that everything he had been saying this time was true, but she couldn't even pinpoint herself what these gestures or the words would look like. She simply hoped that he would come up with the right thing, that would allow herself to trust him again, even though she didn't know if such a thing actually existed; maybe the rift between them was too deep and she had been damaged by the events beyond repair, and so she maybe was waiting for some kind of healing that would never come.

She couldn't even say that it was a lack of trying on his part, because the past few days Mike had done his very best to show her that he meant what he had said – well, he had tried at least, but El hadn't really given him the chance to talk to her; she simply couldn't do it.
He had tried it at school, where he had waited at her locker on Thursday and Friday morning, but as soon as she had seen him waiting there on Thursday, she had quickly morphed into the crowd of students in the hallway and had quickly gone to her first period without getting the necessary books. Having a feeling he would be there again Friday morning, she had given Max her combination and had asked her to get the stuff she needed for her, and when the two girls had met up, Max had confirmed that Mike had been waiting there again as she had suspected. El had been wondering what had took her so long, as she had waited almost 15 minutes for Max at their agreed meeting spot, which according to her friend had been caused by Mike asking her to deliver a message to El, which she had answered with a "Wheeler, I would like to win a million dollars, but I guess both our wishes won't come true!", resulting in their usual bickering.
Mike had also tried to talk to her before, during and after each class that they shared, but El had perfected the method of arriving just in time before the teacher closed the door and she was leaving each lesson in record time as soon as it was officially over. There was not much Mike could do during a class, but she still had felt his eyes on her the entire period and she had to muster all her willpower to not glance at him once. Instead she had stared in front of her, pretending she was listening intently, though she couldn't recall a single class of the past few days.

In the lunch breaks they had found refuge in the changing rooms of the girl's Basketball team. El had never been more happy in her life that Max had started to play that sport, because she was sure, that Mike would never come looking for her in here.
However, the travel to and back from school were a challenge in itself, as she and Mike shared the same route. But she still had managed to avoid him during these times by changing her entire schedule, leaving at different times as per usual, taking other and far longer routes, and making additional stops at places like Max's home and the police station to the great surprise of her dad.
She knew she couldn't uphold these changes forever, but at least for the past two days, they had perfectly worked in her favour.

But the biggest issue in all of this was likely the fact that he knew exactly where she lived and that he had to do nothing more than to cross a street to stay right in front of her house, and so he had made it his personal goal to come over as frequently as one could manage in two single days.
As long as El was alone in the afternoons, she could easily ignore the ringing door bell – well, not easily, but she had managed to sit through it in her room, her heart aching to go down and see him, but her body and mind being reluctant to follow her heart's wishes.
It was a bit of a different story though when her mum had returned home in the evenings, who wasn't willing to play along to the "let's ignore the doorbell" game, but at least she had followed her daughter's wish when she had pleaded her to say that El wasn't here in case it was Mike.
Of course it had been Mike every single time, and so her mum had delivered the message to him, while El had hidden in the shadows of the first floor hallway, where she could hear each of the words that had been exchanged between the two.

It all had reached it's peak when Mike came over for the third time on Friday evening (not counting the times that he had tried it before Terry had returned home and the two times that he had called them on that day on the phone; and whatever amount of times he had tried it through the Supercom, but El had turned that off completely, so she couldn't say if and how many times he had tried it through this channel), and her mum eventually had lost her patience with the two of them.
"Okay Mike, look…", she had sighed unnerved, "You know I like you and I'm sorry that whatever happened between you and El is causing such a rift between the two of you, but I can't force her to speak to you."

"But Terry, please, I need to show her, that I'm willing to fix this!", she had heard Mike's distressed voice from her hiding spot on the first floor.

"I think she knows that you are trying your best."

"But it's not enough, if she keeps refusing to talk to me.", Mike had pressed on with an urgency in his voice, as if it was a matter of life and death.

El had heard another sigh from her mum, but this time it had been less annoyed and more the tone of a caring mother, "Maybe you just have to give her a little time, I'm sure you two will figure it out."

There had been silence for a moment before Mike had said more quietly, so that El had to fully concentrate to catch the words, "I just fear that I waited too long and now it's maybe too late to…", his voice had broken for a split second, "I'm afraid that I have lost her."

"Again, I don't know the details of your fallout, but knowing the two of you, I don't think that you have lost her. There are sometimes challenges that we must face, but you two have always overcome any obstacle, and in the end it only made your bond even stronger.", Terry had reassured him.

"I hope you are right…", Mike had whispered back with in a hoarse voice, "I dearly hope so. El, she's… Terry, I…"

"I know.", her mum had replied sadly, though El hadn't understood what she meant by that.

There had been a surprised gasp coming from Mike, "You do?"

"Yes, a mum can tell such things.", Terry had vaguely said, but after a moment of silence she had continued in a more direct tone, "But Mike, please try to be patient and give her the time she needs. And as it is her birthday tomorrow, maybe it's better if you don't come here then."

"But…", he had tried to protest, but her mum hadn't given a chance to continue.

"She will talk to you when she is ready, but let her celebrate her birthday tomorrow. I can tell, that it's not easy for her either and she deserves a peaceful day."

"I guess, yeah… If that's what she wants.", Mike had sighed defeatedly, after he had contemplated her words for a moment, "But can you please tell her, that I was here."

Upon that Terry hadn't been able to hide her amusement, as she had replied, "Oh, she knows."

"Okay… good. I just want her to know that I'm not afraid anymore and that I will keep waiting for her, no matter how long it takes.", the boy had said a bit louder, probably in hopes that it would reach El, no matter where in the house she was hiding, "Alright then, I guess I will be going. Sorry for the interruption, Terry, g'night…"

"Goodnight, Mike.", her mother had said and with that had closed the door behind him.

And in fact, Mike hadn't come over or had called them ever since that encounter with Terry the prior night. Her birthday was slowly heading towards its end now and El hadn't heard anything from her best friend the entire day. She wasn't sure how she was supposed to feel about that; on the one hand she had celebrated a nice and quiet birthday with her mum and dad, aunt Becky, and Joyce and Will at home, and they had acted as if they were a little patchwork family already (it was the first time that they had come together like that, but El had asked her mum if it would be okay with her and Terry had agreed to inviting Hopper's girlfriend and her son as well). El hadn't felt so carefree and loved in a very long time and she had extremely enjoyed the afternoon with her small family.

On the other hand, something had been missing, and that was Mike. He had always celebrated her birthday with her, no matter if it had been little kids' parties in kindergarten or birthday celebrations at her home with her High School friends. Last year he had even went out for dinner with her and her parents, as he had come over to give El her present and when they had ended up talking and laughing for hours, Terry had spontaneously invited him to join them on their birthday dinner at Benny's; Hopper had been a little surprised to see him when the three had met him at the restaurant and he had acted somewhat weird around Mike that night, but all in all it had been a fun evening for El, surrounded by her three favourite people in this world.

But this year was the first birthday without Mike in it; no visit, no call, no present, no card. And though she was glad that he respected her wishes and gave her room to shutout the past few weeks for a single day, it was exactly his absence, that left her more on edge the longer the day went on. It simply felt wrong, that he wasn't there, and his absence left a void that neither her family nor her friends could fill.
They all had congratulated her on this day, Will in person, the others had one by one called her throughout the day; with Max she had even spent more than an hour on the phone before her guests had arrived, and they had just giggled and talked about anything and everything that didn't involve Mike Wheeler.

And still he had been on her mind the entire day, first he was nothing but a little thought that she could easily push away, but as the day had progressed, the image had become more prominent. There was an urge in her to see him that day, that she wasn't even able to grasp; yes, it was the first birthday without him and his absence left a lasting remark, but it wasn't like she was ready to forget the past and move on. She was pretty certain, that if he would have shown up, that she would have refused to talk to him just like on the prior days, but somehow she still wished he would have tried.
She knew how irrational it was to wish for something, that you didn't want in the end, but she was beyond the point of caring how weirdly her brain worked when it came to the raven-haired boy.

With a sigh she turned in her bed, in a desperate attempt to find a more comfortable position that would finally allow her to fall asleep, but just as she had rested her head on the pillow again, she heard it.

Pong.
Her eyes shot open, as she immediately recognized the sound of something hitting her bedroom window. This couldn't be…

Pong.
Dread washed over her and her entire body tensed, when her first impression was confirmed. She already knew who it was, though some part in her was refusing to believe it, and with a sigh she stood up to check if her worst scenarios would be confirmed.

It took her only a few steps through her bedroom to switch on the bedside lamp and open the curtains, and just as she had suspected, there in the night on the barely-lit lawn stood Mike, ready to throw the next pebble against her window.
"Mike?!", she hissed in a mixture of disbelief and anger. She had waited all day long for exactly that sight in front of her, but now that she saw him, all the negative feelings came crushing back like she had already suspected they would and they mingled with the annoyance, that he came over at such a late hour.

"Can you please come down here?", he whispered towards her, loud enough for her to hear it, but not too loud, as to not wake her mum.

She wished nothing more than to tell him to 'Fuck off'. What on earth made him believe, that he could come over here in the middle of the night to talk to her?! Whatever he wanted, he should have done the same at brought daylight and not now, when they could only talk in a whispering tone with each other.
She felt like there was no other option now then to follow his wish and come down to him, because talking over that distant was risking waking her mum, and that wouldn't be a good idea – Terry hated to be interrupted in her sleep.
Of course, there was still the possibility to simply ignore him and return to bed, but on the one hand she wasn't sure if Mike would truly give up then and return home, and on the other hand she knew, that the questions over what he had wanted would haunt her and would guarantee her no sleep for the night.

So eventually, she decided to give in and after putting some sweater over her pyjamas, she stumbled down the hallway and down the stairs.
A fire was burning in her that was caused by the helplessness that she felt upon being forced to talk to him by the circumstances of his visit, and she was sure that he had planned to put her into exactly this position.
She was ready to unleash that burning fire on him and tell him that whatever he wanted in this moment had to wait for any other time, but when she angrily opened the front door she was met by nothing but darkness.
Her eyes searched the area, but there was no one in sight. "Mike?", she whispered loudly into the night for good measure, but she was only met by silence.

The already burning anger in her intensified; what kind of sick joke was this?! Was he now planning to pay it back to her, that she had ignored him, by stealing her sleep? Did he think it was funny to play tricks on her mind like that on her birthday of all days?
She was about to turn around and slam the door as loudly as she could risk without waking anyone up, when her eyes fell on the step in front of the threshold. There on the ground lay something and when she bent down to pick it up, she recognized it was a package of M 's and a white envelope. Her heart dropped upon seeing the two items that held so much meaning for her and upon taking the two pieces into her hands, the memories of a similar night three years ago came crushing over her.

With a heavy heart she searched the night once more to check if Mike would suddenly reappear, but he remained absent, and so she slowly closed the door and as if she was sleepwalking, she went back upstairs to her room, carrying the two pieces with her.
She took a seat on the edge of her bed, where she sat for a little eternity, not moving, while her eyes were fixed on the brown package in one hand and the white envelope in the other hand. Her thoughts were running wild, as she tried to sort the turmoil of emotions that washed over her upon the present, which meaning she just understood all too well.

El couldn't tell how long she had sat there, but eventually she made up her mind, and with a heavy sigh she stood up and walked to her desk, where she threw both items into the bin underneath it. With that done she lay back down on her bed, where she tried to catch some sleep that would never come, as the image of the two items just a small distance away from her haunted her. But no matter how hard her heart tried to convince her, she didn't give in and didn't pick them back up – she knew she had waited for some gesture from Mike, but now that she got exactly that, she realized that they were simply past a point, where a package of M 's and a "I'm sorry" written on a birthday card would repair anything between them.

Lyrics:
Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you?
Been here all along, so why can't you see?
You belong with me