Second half~ Izaya's turn

Chapter 23

Izaya came too groggily. His whole body ached and dried dirt still clung uncomfortably to his skin, but under his fingers he felt the smooth softness of linen sheets. Carefully curling his fingers around the unexpected texture, he began to pull his disjointed thoughts together.

He was in a bed, no longer trapped under heavy cold earth. He squinted up at the ceiling above his bed as he eye slowly adjusted to the dim evening light, the shapes shifting into focus around him as he took in his surroundings. Light was something he didn't think he'd live to see again. He certainly never thought he'd be so happy to see the cracked paint of Shinra's guest room ceiling again or the texture of cheep linen against his skin.

He swallowed thickly before taking in a shaky breath, some of the fear still lingered. There was some cruel part of his mind that persisted that he'd wake up any moment now and he'd be right back in that grave, dirt pressed into his skin like a straightjacket pinning his limbs in place until he suffocated In that darkness. The weight of the blankets wrapped around his frame was anything but comforting, just a horrifying reminder that he could blink and sheets could become dirt one again. Light was comforting, but he didn't want to blink just in case it was all an illusion, a cruel comfort his mind conjured in his last moments. His eyes stung as he tried to stay focused on the ceiling, he was doing to need to blink soon whether he liked it or not.

"You're finally awake." A rough voice spoke from his side. He knew that voice and a small ball of fear nestled in his chest, stilling his breath. With a jolt Izaya looked over. There, sitting in a chair next to his bed, just beside the open window, sat Shizuo. Fear swirled in his gut as those cold mocha eyes observed him though the cool blue of his tinted shade. Izaya truly hated those glasses, the tint always making it difficult to read the blondes expression.

Instinct had Izaya flinging the sheet off himself and into the face of the blond man and he was across the room in a matter of seconds. He had to run. He had to escape, or he really would end up right back in that hole. Izaya didn't want to die. He didn't want to suffocate alone where his voice and sight were cut off along with his air. If he didn't want any of that, then he had to get far away from the man that put him there in the first place.

He reached the door in a flash. Turning the knob, he yanked it open barley a few inches and just as fast it came to an abrupt halt. Izaya's face fell as the door was slammed back shut right in front of him, his shoulders hiking up at the sharp sound. Any sense of relief he had from managing to get to the door first was extinguished in an instant.

Izaya's breathe stilled in his throat as he caught sight of the familiar tanned hand of the blond beast, his arm passing right over the raven's right shoulder. Palm laying flat against the surface of the door he'd just forced shut and leaving cracks in the wood splinting around the point of impact, effectively cutting off Izaya's escape.

Izaya's sure the odd sound that slipped from his throat was something akin to a sob. "Shinra! Help!" He cried out in panic in hopes his friend was nearby, banging on the door with one hand while the other trembled against the knob still pressed to his palm. His forehead pressed to the door as he tried to listen for any sort of response from the other side. Tears prickled at the corners of his eyes as he squeezed them shut, trying to block out the feeling of being caged in from behind.

"Don't bother, he's out." The blond's voice held some level of irritation, though it lacked the malice from back in the park. "Turn around Izaya."

Izaya was frozen, eyes cracked open, he kept them focused on the door defiantly. He refused to turn to face the man, fearing the aggression that was bound to seep back into the man behind him the moment he did. This could easily be the calm before the storm, as he had already seen. Of course Izaya wasn't stupid; he knew just not looking didn't mean he was safe. If the door was no longer an option he'd go for the next best thing. For whatever reason, Shizuo had yet to grab him, only half caging him in as he demanded the raven turn to face his fate. He could still run.

"Iza-" ? Just as Shizuo had began his name Izaya ducked under the man's arm, knowing it would make it difficult for the blond to make a grab for him. His gaze locked on the open window on the other side of the room. He'd run for it. He'd always been faster than Shizuo. He'd make it, he was sure he would. The window was already open so this time he wouldn't have to pause to open it like he had the door.

"Fuckin hell!" Shizuo hollered after him. "Stay still will you!"

Hell no! He leapt over the bed, flinching in pain as he stressed his wounds. Almost, he was so close. He could scale down from here. It wasn't the first time Izaya had left Shinra's in such a fashion. He could. He could-

"Ack!" He choked, his thoughts cut short when he was yanked backwards by the scruff of his shirt, away from the edge of the window, his fingers slipping from the sill as he was pulled away from his escape route. His body moved weightlessly through the air as he was tossed carelessly onto the bed with a huff of air from his lungs on impact, his poor ribs burning and screaming in pain at the rough treatment.

"Stop fuckin' running you damn flea!" The blond climbed on top of him before Izaya could even try to right himself, an irate snarl curling at the beast's lips as he pinned both of Izaya's hands into the mattress on either side of his head.

Izaya kicked out, tried to buck him off as he squirmed to free himself from Shizuo's iron grip on his wrists."Let go you stupid bru-"

"Shut up!" Shizuo's hand clasped harshly over the ravens mouth, successfully shutting him up. Izaya thrashed and struggled to free himself, trying to pry the hand from his face with his hand that had been feed in favor of shutting him up. When that failed he sunk his teeth into the others palm. Still he got no reaction.

A muffled yelp slipped out as the blond put more weight on him, leaning down to press their foreheads together. Moister gathered in Izaya's eyes, Shizuo was putting way to much weight on his abused ribs. He whimpered softly, he swore he could feel the bones threatening to snap.

"Listen here flea. Shinra filled me in on the gist of it. I get that you were the kitten I was taking care of. Now calm the fuck down, I'm not going to hurt you. When I take my hand away you're going to talk and stop spitting like a disgruntled cat. Got it?"

They were so close; Shizuo's breathe lightly brushing against his skin as he spoke in a low tone. Izaya could feel heat filling his face at the close proximity as he narrowed his eyes in what he hopped looked like an actual glare. Sure he wanted to be close to the brute, but this isn't quite what he had in mind. The fact they were only a few inches from kissing had there not been a hand over Izaya's mouth was unfortunately a little overshadowed by the pain in his side where the blond's knee was pressing against to keep the raven still.

He was sure he looked like just that, a pissed off cat all red faced and glaring. Hopefully Shizuo would think the color was only a result of his own anger and not the small amount of embarrassment at the close contact. Izaya just nodded, a little disappointed when the press of Shizuo's forehead to his own retreated.

The moment Shizuo removed his hand; Izaya couldn't help the sly little smile that graces his lips, or what he chose to do next. He tilted his head innocently to the side and made a sound the blond had clearly not expected.

"Nya~" If Shizuo felt the need to liken him to a disgruntled cat, then he figured why not. Perhaps not the smartest thing he could have said in response and the smack up side his head was to be expected. At least it was a gentle hit by Shizuo's standards. The scandalized expression on the brutes face was totally worth it.

"Did you just meow at me?" He asked in disbelief.

"Probably not. Side effect maybe?" He jokes playfully. Clearly it had been an intentional choice but he was curious to see if Shizuo would simply accept that as an excuse for the odd behavior. He seemed rather reasonable for once, reasonable being he wasn't actively trying to murder the raven, so Izaya couldn't help but test his limits. However he'd keep the teasing light, he was in enough discomfort right now and ticking the blond off wasn't currently in his best interest.

"You make me want to strangle you…" Shizuo grumbled at him. He sounded irritated, but the words lacked any real threat.

"That's nothing new~ But do you think you could get off me? Or are you that comfortable sitting on my crotch?" Izaya prodded as he walked his figures up the man's outer thigh suggestively, feeling a twinge of disappointment as the action elicited a mild look for disgust from the other. It was to be expected, but hurt none the less.

Pissing the man off probably wasn't bright. It seemed right now Shizuo was willing to talk, so prodding at the man's patience when he was finally willing to comply with Izaya's wishes would be counterproductive. Old habits did however die hard. Izaya was smart; his self preservation skills were not so great however. Where Shizuo was sat wasn't the issue, where his knees pressed into Izaya's sides was, mainly the one up against his aching ribs. His pride wouldn't let him just tell the man he needed him to get off because he was in pain, so he decided to tease the blond instead.

Shizuo huffed, a look of abhorrence as he shifted his weight off Izaya to sit at his side. Izaya slowly sat up, trying to be mindful of his ribs so he wouldn't flinch as he straightened. He had no idea what to say, or where to start. Again he regretted not planning any of this out before going to find the blond, it would have been helpful right now. He normally wasn't so impulsive.

As the silence stretched on Shizuo finally spoke first. "Why did you- why the hell did you act like that? Why the fuck were you so damn cuddly with me? What was the point?" He could see the anger boiling under the man's skin, his face reddening in frustration. For all that Shizuo was trying to stay calm he was clearly pissed.

Russet eye scanned the blonds face before adverting to the side. "You look like you're about to pop a blood vessel…" He replied quietly. Definitely not the response the blond was looking for if the animalistic growl that crawled up his throat was anything to go by.

The edge of Shizuo's jaw clenched and his voice come out as a barely controlled growl. "Probably because I feel fucking betrayed, that's why! How do you expect me not be pissed? I cared about you because I thought you were just a cat! I told you things because I thought I was just talking to an animal! I still care, but I also still hate you and I don't know how to deal with those conflicting feelings."The blond put his head down into his palms, tugging at a few golden strands in frustration.

"I was an animal… I couldn't talk, I didn't know if I'd ever be human again." Izaya replied calmly. "What do you think I should have done? Would it have been better to hiss at you from under the furniture, scratch at you whenever you came near? That would have been stupid don't you think? You'd have gotten rid of me and then I'd have been pretty screwed."

"You could have tried to tell me, you managed to let Shinra in on it. It feels like you were fucking spying on me even if I know you didn't do it on purpose as first!" The blond bit out angrily.

"I managed to tell Celty because she could tell something was off about me. Even if I managed to write something out, and trust me I tried, your phone was too hard to press the buttons. But let's say I had managed it, I would have been too afraid to show you. For all I'd have known, with your temper I wouldn't have survived long after if you knew it was me. I don't know how much you'd even have bothered to read and I was too damn small to fight back if I needed to. I wouldn't even have been able to try and talk my way out of it either. We both know you do first and regret after. Even if you didn't intend to hurt me, I was a little too small and fragile to take the chance." That wasn't the whole truth but it was part of it. Sure he'd had a few nightmares where Shizuo found him out and went for the kill but he was also afraid that on the off chance Shizuo let him stay with him, that the man would have started to treat him more coldly once he knew. In the end Izaya just didn't want to lose the little bit of warmth he was being shown and so he never asked Celty to say anything.

The look Shizuo gave him at that seemed a little hurt. "You knew I felt bad about what happen to you, you could have told me Izaya. You could have asked Celty to tell me. I wouldn't have hurt you for something you had no control over." The words were soft, almost trying to be comforting. It shouldn't have made the raven flinch as he did in response.

Izaya had no idea what he was supposed to say to that. He could of course try to explain his other reason for not saying anything. It would probably make the Shizuo feel better if fear of being killed wasn't his only reason for not telling him. There was however a good chance he's receive another disgusted look if he tried to bring up feelings, the grim thought settling a constricting pressure in his chest.

At his side he heard Shizuo sigh before the man gave the raven a light nudge. "Izaya… you wanted to talk, so talk. I'm listening."

Izaya carefully examined the blond expression, clearly Shizuo wasn't buying that Izaya had acted like that out of self preservation alone and frankly Izaya didn't want him to accept that excuse. If he did then that was the end of whatever this had been. This man was giving him a chance to ask for more. Or at least Izaya hopes that's what he's doing. Either way the look he was being given was open and patient, not something he was used to being offered.

As much as Izaya wanted this talk, every fiber of his being just wanted to flee, to back track and just forget he had ever started feeling anything at all for the brute. That wasn't possible, he knew it wasn't. It was easy to reject feelings you never felt, to close off and not let anyone in and yet living together for so many months, he'd slipped up and let this man slip through those growing cracks. He could never forget how good it felt to receive unconditional affection, from someone he hadn't realized just how much he struggled to keep in his life in such roundabout ways for nearly a decade.

He desperately missed those gentle touches, the tenderness with which he was handled, like he was worth something to the other, as if he was truly loveable not just a pest or a nuisance like he had grown so accustomed to.

If he didn't want to lose that, if he wanted to keep some semblance of what they had build over the months he'd been stuck as a cat, then he was going to have to metaphorically spill his guts and the thought of that terrified him just as much as the loss of what they build did. Ironically spilling his literal gut's had been less stressful.

Izaya swallowed, his saliva thick in his throat before he finally started to force the words passed his pressed lips. "At first I just wanted to mess with you. Be as big a pest as I could and make the most of the situation without being bad enough you'd want to get rid of me… but the longer we spent living together the more I realized how much I craved touch without malice. I- I don't want to lose that now that I'm human again." He nibbled at his lip nervously, keeping his focus on his own fidgeting fingers, twirling one of his rings around his pointer finger as he spoke.

"I wanted so much to just push everything you've made me feel down, just put it in a box and just never deal with it like I do with 90% of the stuff that I don't know how to deal with. But it's not so easy. We lived together for a year, and somehow as a cat it felt so much longer. Like not only was the word so much bigger but time crept by at a slow pace to match that over whelming size. Maybe you'd prefer if I did distance myself, and perhaps that would be better for both of us. Still, I hate it but I can't let go. I can't pretend I didn't feel anything, that I did start to love… to love your company… or that you returned that affection, even if it was given under false conditions. Under normal circumstances I would have started distancing myself from these emotions... but we lived together for so long I got attached and to some extent you were reciprocating these feelings so I stupidly let them grow when I shouldn't have."

Izaya peaked up to see how the blond was taking this. Shizuo didn't seem disgusted by his words but he did seem frustrated. He shook his head in confusion before fixing his glare on the raven beside him. "But you hated me. How can living with me for a few months change anything? You messed with me for years, made it clear you loathed my existence. You called me a monster and I even proved your point. I fucking crushed your body under an industrial sized dumpster… you- you died Izaya. Do you not get that?"

"That hurt and yes I'm fully aware that you essentially killed me." Izaya gave an exasperated sighed. His untimely death back then wasn't what this was about. Sure it sucked and he was mad at first. But they had been dancing around trying to kill each other for years, something just finally gave and Izaya lost. That was all there was to it and he had accepted that and was well past forgiving the blond after months of watching him drown in guilt over it.

"I'm not holding any grudge about that and honestly I don't think I ever really hated you Shizu-chan." Izaya took a deep breath; he'd confessed this once already. Although at the time he had been a cat and Shizuo had understood nothing he had said. He could do this again.

"What I hated was that, even though you also push people away just as I do, you still manage to attract them to you… even me, I never could stay away. No matter how much you lack control of your strength and hurt others on accident, people still care for you. I wish I was more like you Shizu-chan. I wish I wasn't such a coward, that I had even one person that cared enough to push back when I pushed people away. I push others away as to not get hurt, but you push them away so they don't get hurt. You don't fit into my understanding of humans, in a good way. I ended up hoping that we could stay close even after I was me again… I can take a little roughness, you know that I won't get scared off by your temper and if you can come to not hate me when I'm me, then maybe I don't have to worry… maybe neither of us will end up hurt if we just try to get along."

"Izaya…"

"… I think… I love you…" It came out as a whisper, a confession he wasn't sure he should have made but still put it out there. "If pressing my lips to yours when I was a cat didn't already tip you off." He tagged on softly. For once in his life he was putting all his cards on the table, he staked the tower and would simply let everything fall where ever they may. Even if they ended up crushing him in the process, it was up to Shizuo which way it tilted.

Shizuo ran his hand down his face. He was clearly beyond frustrated with Izaya's confession. "I don't- Fuck I don't love you Izaya… I don't even think I can like you passed just not wanting you dead anymore."

The raven's heart sank. Of course he knew that, but still. "That's fine. I'll take whatever I can get. If we can just try to spend time together as friends, then that's enough. If it really doesn't work I promise to disappear. If you'll at least try, you'll never have to see me again if it doesn't work out."

Shizuo looked unsure so he added, almost a ting of begging seeping into his hopeful voice. "I can put it in writing if that helps, a legally binding restraining order of sorts."

Izaya watched as the blond seemed to struggle, a slightly wounded look crossing his features before he seemed to decide on an answer.

"Friday, next week. Once you've rested a bit we can meet at a café and see what happens. I honestly don't understand why you want this after everything, after I…" He sighed "A date or just a hang out, we will see how it goes I guess."

Izaya perked up at those words. Shizuo was actually going to give 'them getting along' a chance. "Yes! I mean, thank you. I promise you won't regret it."

"…Doubt that." Shizuo stood up to leave. He paused, turning his head back before adding one last thing. "We can't go back to how we were… I don't want to anyway. But… no matter how this goes, I am sorry for what happened and I'm even more sorry for what I did in that park when you didn't even do anything."

Izaya tilled his head to the side, a small smile tugging at his lips. He honestly didn't expect he'd get any apology and really he didn't care if he got one and yet those few words left him with growing warmth in his chest. "Thanks~ You know I'm not nearly as mad as I should be about that." He paused. "Might be avoiding that park for awhile though." The laugh that slipped out was a bit more bitter then he intended. As much as he tried to cover it up he'd been truly terrified. He'd likely be avoiding more than the park, holes in general made him feel incredibly uneasy. But he wasn't going to tell Shizuo that.

"I'm not going to hurt you" Shizuo say's… While hurting him. .;

Amazingly no one broke anything. (Not counting Shinra's table or sofa last chapter… or cracked door.) No bones were broken and that's all that matters.

Next: A very forced date that will hopefully go well. For Izaya's sake, he's gonna try anyway.