87) And I Fell Heavy Into Your Arms
He had, as was usual for him when he wasn't in a slam counting the days and planning his escape, lost track of time since the Hunter Gratzner and his subsequent arrival on Serenity with Carolyn and Jack.
He was aware that at least twelve to sixteen months had passed, because Emma was getting to the crawling point, and she'd barely been a bump in Zoë's belly when they arrived. Well, maybe a bit more than a bump but his point stood. Not that he was any sort of expert on child development, but he vaguely recalled babies started to move around more at somewhere near the six month marker.
River simply laughed softly and told him that they'd been aboard Serenity for a year and a half. Maybe a little more depending on which vestigial mode of time measurement based on solar cycles they were using at the time. "Lots changed since then," Riddick didn't consider himself the introspective type. Not beyond knowing his own strengths and weaknesses. He knew himself. Made figuring other people out a lot easier.
"And some things remain the same," River smiled, one of those mysterious looks he loved figuring out. "Must set a course for Aesir after Dyton." She keyed in the coordinates as she spoke, "Figure fuel cost and a cargo to lend weight to the argument for the destination."
"Mal's gonna argue," Now that he didn't understand. Arguing with River was fairly pointless but now and then Mal tried. He always lost unless he resorted to 'exerting his Captainy authority' to win.
"Will try," River grinned. "Almost Carolyn's shift. Want to dance?"
"Which kind," He wrapped an arm around her waist and tugged her into his lap, stealing a kiss. "Dancin' dancing or sparring dancing?"
River giggled up at him, "He will have to be surprised."
Well, that was fine by him. He'd enjoy being with her either way.
Carolyn did her best to not smirk or laugh as Mal grumbled his way through the rest of dinner. He had completely lost the argument with River about where to sail after Dyton and he wasn't thrilled about it.
"Not bào xīn jiùhuǒ when we just got the first mess resolved," She began in what she hoped was a neutral tone. "But why is going to Aesir so important?"
"Maid of honor," River shrugged.
"Uh," Jayne blinked and looked around the table, obviously not making the connection. Jack looked up, interested but refrained from commenting while Riddick did the same.
Kaylee beamed at the younger girl and Simon kissed his fiancée's cheek, "Will you wear your pink dress?"
"If I don't find one I like better on Aesir," Kaylee nodded.
"Whyfore're we headed ta Aesir," Jayne asked finally (when it seemed no one else would).
"Inara is at the new training house there," River explained with a shrug. "As one of Kaylee's oldest female friends it is proper that she attend the wedding. Kaylee will wish to have Inara as her attendant."
Zoë smiled, "Simon, better dust off your Core clothes."
Carolyn smiled and patted Mal's knee, "'Tween River, Zoë and me, we'll find something to carry back with us that'll make money."
"Much of the cotton from Hera is spun and woven into cloth on Aesir," River commented. "Cloth is very cheap there. Unload part of the stolen cargo there."
"So we could find quite a bit of fabric maybe, sell to some of the shops on Dyton, maybe Persephone or New Melbourne," Zoë nodded.
Carolyn gave the darker woman a small grin, "And we know we've got buyers for goods we can find on Dyton and New Melbourne."
River smiled, "Stop on Jiangyin and pick up more compost?"
"Yep, got plenty more of those bags to line the crates when we were on Boros," Zoë nodded.
"Ah the glamourous life of cargo shipping," Jack quipped, and Jayne laughed along with Riddick.
"So, long's it don't stink up the boat to high heaven," Riddick shrugged. "Money spends the same."
"Speakin' of money," Mal looked at River. "Never did hear where Bea ended up."
"Dyton Slam," He was informed promptly. "Identified upon arrival despite sunburns and grime of the desert. Promptly arrested and word sent to the authorities. Warden and guards quite pleased to be given the reward and subsequent subsidizing of her stay in the Slam."
"What's the likelihood someone'll have the smarts to track her there and ask about us," Zoë wondered as she fed her daughter. Squash and cereal this time, which at least Emma liked better than peas. But then, Emma liked most everything better than peas. Carolyn could still recall the difficulty of removing strained peas from a shirt due to Emma's dislike of the vegetable.
"Ten to twenty percent probability," River tilted her head as she considered the question. "Too many variables for any further certainty."
Riddick shrugged, "Have to deal with it if it happens." He commented after a sip of his drink. "We use some of those ship ident skins now and then, could throw mercs and their kind off our trail some too."
"Me an' River can work on more of 'em," Kaylee nodded.
"Create several, use different names for different planets," River agreed. "Those we do business with do not care about the ship name. Only what we have to offer."
Mal sighed, "Well I s'pose you'd better wave Inara, let her know we're headed her way."
Carolyn, Zoë and River had managed to find them both cargo and buyers for cargo. Plus, River had spent a lot of time on the bridge with him 'researching' more buyers for the cloth they would pick up on Aesir. So, Riddick hadn't minded the 'work' the women were doing (and invading his space to do it) one bit.
Aesir sold other goods too. It was a pretty planet, blue oceans, green land, even some rocky regions with mining. So there were a lot of ranches, farms, and some pretty good sized cities with the Rim version of high society.
The farms grew some foodstuffs but according to River most of what grew on the planet were plants to make different dyes. Fields and fields of them. Apparently, most of the livestock folks kept was for the fertilizer and so they could rotate their crops.
River had corralled Jack into the conversations now and then, so his little sister could learn some of the ins and outs and whys and wherefores of what they bought and shipped. Jack hadn't gotten it at first but with Carolyn and Zoë also in on the conversation she started to understand a bit more. Jack also seemed more willing to try and get along with River.
He'd seen Jack smirking in amusement over something River had pulled on Mal and River hiding a smile when Jack made some smart ass remark. They weren't giggling together (like some of those girls he remembered from school who couldn't seem to look at a boy without an attack of the giggles) or anything, but Jack also wasn't sneering and derogatory about every word that came out of River's mouth. It really helped that River wasn't holding a grudge. She'd mentioned once that she could understand how Jack felt, because she'd been a little jealous of Carolyn when Riddick had been in bed with the blonde. Slowly but surely things were easing between his little sister and River. It sure made life on Serenity a bit easier or at least less tense.
The way he figured it, when River and Jack found common ground, they'd get along like a house afire. Mal had muttered something about women taking over his boat about three or four months back and Riddick had laughed and quipped, 'but what a way to go'. Mal had shaken his head with a rueful smile, but he hadn't disagreed with the sentiment.
Carolyn was getting a little edgier as they got closer to Aesir though and for some reason either Mal hadn't picked up on it or he had, and Carolyn hadn't talked about it. Which, on the list of strange, was pretty high up.
"Any idea what that's about," Riddick looked at the ship's resident mind reading genius.
"First time Mal will see Inara since he and Carolyn began…keeping company," River murmured. "Wonders, worries…will he have regrets…"
"Mal's not the type," Riddick shook his head. "And I'm pretty sure he gave up on the idea of him and Inara before she left."
"Didn't say it was logical," The Reader shrugged.
"Well if she doesn't either tell Mal the problem or get over it, guarantee he'll start pressing," He could be sure of that much for certain.
"She will have a word with her," River leaned against him and he kissed her cheek. "Remind her of how much Mal cares for her. Knows her."
"Well, he knew Inara too, right," Sometimes he just had to play the devil's advocate.
But River shook her head, "Superficial knowledge. Friendly acquaintance."
"Wonder if Carolyn knows that," Riddick mused.
"She will speak with her," River murmured. "Grew from the songbird to a hawk, no going back now."
When River had joined her on the bridge Carolyn hadn't known what to expect. She liked the girl. Anyone who could handle Riddick was someone to be respected for one thing. And for another, River was sweet. Dry, funny, sarcastic and rarely impatient with the failings of the lesser brains she found herself surrounded by.
But unless they were working on something together, River tended to let Carolyn have the run of the bridge now that she had the hang of the manual navigation and autopilot settings. It was only with the trickiest of courses that the blonde still needed help with the charting.
"Not long until Aesir," River remarked quietly and Carolyn tensed hoping it wasn't obvious. The dark-haired pilot looked at her, "Mal doesn't compare you to Inara." She declared quietly. "He does not long for her company. Does not harbor romantic hopes for what might be should she give up her career."
"He seemed to miss her," Carolyn murmured. "When she first left..."
"Began to understand when Inara spoke of leaving, that he did not truly know her," That elegant voice, so like Inara's but expressive in a way that was nothing like the Companion's tones. "Cannot love someone truly and not know them. She knows us. All confide in her, care for her, consider her a friend."
Carolyn nodded; she'd liked the Companion. Liked how Inara was willing to give advice about Jack. Liked that she enjoyed talking with Riddick and educating him in some of the basic etiquette he'd missed out on growing up. She'd liked how easy Inara was with the crew, accepting of their quirks and personalities, never trying to change them.
"Began to let go of the idea of love," River continued when Carolyn looked at her. "Mal," She clarified in case Carolyn wasn't following. "Noticed how Inara would enter the room, pause so that all eyes were drawn to her, to admire, then continue as if nothing had occurred. Began to realize that he didn't know her."
"But he was...I mean when she left..." Carolyn wasn't sure how to describe Mal's mood or emotional state immediately after the Companion had returned to the Core.
"Mourned what was not and could never be," Those dark eyes seemed to stare straight into Carolyn's heart. "Accepted. In love with the idea of love. Saw in her what the Alliance could be if tempered with compassion and kindness. Not only rules, regulations and discipline. Wanted her for himself. But let all of it go."
She'd known Mal was in a transitory state when she'd first gone down to his bunk to keep him informed about Jack's little seduction attempt. He'd flirted but he could've been a lot more obvious without making any untoward moves that would put her in an uncomfortable position. She hadn't known for certain what Mal's feelings for Inara were, but she knew he felt something.
He'd waited to make his move. Longer than she would've thought, and she'd put it down to a bruised and/or broken heart.
"Bruised, but not more broken than after Serenity Valley and Miranda," River shook her head. It was a little disconcerting, having River reply to her thoughts but since Carolyn wasn't exactly feeling articulate it wasn't like she could argue. "Waited to be sure this was what you wanted. Didn't want to drive you away by making unwanted advances. Didn't want to abuse his position and make you feel unsafe on his ship."
Carolyn nodded slowly, "He mentioned something along those lines. But I suppose I thought most of why he waited was because of Inara."
"No," River shook her head and smiled, standing up and leaving the bridge with no farewell but a smile.
A moment later Carolyn heard Mal's step in the hall and looked towards the door. His hair was a bit tousled still, and his suspenders needed straightening, but he smiled when he saw her. "Now that's a pretty sight," He crossed the bridge with one long stride and kissed her affectionately. "You and River have a good talk?" The blonde frowned at him wondering how in the world he'd known about her and River talking, and Mal shrugged sheepishly, "River flat out told me that I was to stay off the bridge until she kicked my hatch open."
"I love how you're the Captain of the boat but you still do what your tiny pilot tells you to," Carolyn grinned, shaking her head. "Where's that demand for Captainy respect?"
"She respects me," Mal scooped her up like Carolyn was a feather and sat down in her seat with her in his lap. "She just has an odd way of showing it is all."
"Oh," Carolyn draped her arms around his neck. "I see."
"Truth be told I've known something was bothering you and I hoped she'd get it out of you since I obviously couldn't," He admitted. "Figured I'd give it another day before I cornered you and tortured it out of you." He kissed her neck on the word torture and Carolyn grinned. Only Mal.
"Well, it's hard to say something you know is pretty dumb to the person you're feeling dumb about," Carolyn sighed and rested her head on his shoulder. Almost automatically his head turned, and she felt him press his lips to her hair. "Especially if you're feeling insecure to begin with." His hand rubbed up and down her spine in slow soothing strokes and Carolyn sighed again. "I kept thinking that when you saw Inara again, you'd...make comparisons or try to get her to come back or...something...don't really know what I thought, it just wasn't a good feeling."
"Well, I'll tell you straight out that yes I will be making comparisons," Mal surprised her. The man had a way of doing that. "I'll be thinkin' how happy I am with you. How peaceful I feel, knowin' I can sit with you like this. How I don't gotta rile you up to see how you really feel. And recallin' all the ways I felt inadequate and foolish around her. How I'd pick fights just to see if I could get her expression to change."
One big hand slipped under her chin and tilted her head back to look into her eyes, "You ain't beautiful like Inara. Nobody could be who isn't a Companion. But you're beautiful. You're strong and kind and open hearted and I love you in a way I never loved her. Never could love her. You're real Carolyn. You're right here, on this ship with me, pushing me for answers and trying to prepare for whatever inevitable disaster befalls us. You poke me and make me better. And you don't demand that I change what I can't."
Talk about burying the lead. Leave it to Mal to throw in a declaration of love right along with all the ways she wasn't like a Companion. "See, if you'd told me that," Carolyn kissed him. "I wouldn't have worried about any comparisons you might make."
"Figured you knew," Mal shrugged and she chuckled. "I ain't ever been one to hide my feelings. Once I knew what they were anyway." His dark blue eyes regarded her steadily, "So now you know." A wry twist of his lips, "Think you might could put me out of my misery and tell me if I'm in this by myself or if you're right here in it with me."
"I've been ankle deep in it with you since you told me Serenity had plenty of room for my ghosts," Carolyn told him. "And when you told me the first move was up to me... well...My heart pretty much went splat at your feet."
Oh, that sweet soft smile she just adored, "Well now." A big hand cupped her face gently, "That is welcome news."
Author's Note: So a slow change of Jack's attitude and hey, Mal actually said how he felt. Big shocker.
Chinese Translations:
bào xīn jiùhuǒ (lit. to carry firewood to put out a fire (idiom); fig. to make a problem worse by inappropriate action)