(With the Fallens)
Raven: how annoyingly fun, I got a crying baby in the back- (swerves on the road and sticks her head out the window) Aye!!! Drive on the road like a proper beggar!!! Get off your phone if you're gonna act like a drunk cod on wheels you compensating skanking fishmonger!!! (phone rings) what!!?
Chicacora: that is no way to treat a fine friend!!
Raven: …friend? Never had one of those before-
Chicacora: (laughs) I hear a fine fellow like you has acquired a dangerous little specimen!! How is that going for you my dear?
Raven: how does all of hell know about this?
Chicacora: we're both fallens with great standards, of course I would have more info than most of the lords currently dominating all of the seven kingdoms of Hell. Plus it's my duty to get rid of spies from Heaven.
Raven: get rid of?
Chicacora: oh, this'll not due, my friend you had no idea of Angels on your back? Such ugly little vermin with a dainty figure always sniffing their nose into other people's business.
Raven: I knew nothing of it. But then again even if I did know, the likelihood of them knowing olden Gallic words is below or beneath their ideal credentials. Besides, I didn't ask for your help in the first place.
Chicacora: you don't ask for help period…
Raven: …right…and what's the problem?
Chicacora: *chuckles* Tell me Whistler…what does it look like? Is it hideous? Demonic looking? Angelic looking? Ohh!!! Does it have bat and/or angel wings? Do we need to fry it in an oven? Does it have horns like a dragon? Or does it just have golden angel hair? Tell me…I must know!!!
Raven: pipe down, your voice is going to wake the monstrous looking bugger. It took me hours for it to settle down after I took it-
Chicacora: hmm, mustn't like you with your everyday rude look.
Raven: wouldn't have liked you either. (swerving around cars and people)
Chicacora: Tell me what it looks like.
Raven: (looks back) it is hideous looking.
Chicacora: That's so mean, it's only a baby…
Raven: what do you expect me to say? "that the baby is good looking and has the grace and beauty of some worldly famous actor?"
Chicacora: I mean…well…does it look like Tony Curtis? Or is it Patrick wayne?
Raven: (looks back at the baby) it has horns.
Chicacora: *gasps* really!!!!?!?
Raven: no, Chicken Pox, it's…a baby, plus we don't know if it's gonna be the bloody Anti-Christ, or an Angel sent down to Earth.
Chicacora: well, that won't do.
Raven: Honestly I could care less about it.
Chicacora: but, it has the ability to either save or destroy Earth, and potentially starts a war meant to end all wars-
Raven: famous last line.
Chicacora: unfortunately…especially since it's Heaven and Hell saying it.
Raven: No surprise there.
Chicacora: you know…if a war does happen between the two of them, what is ishadar going to do?
Raven: were thinking of letting them see the outcome of them burning their hand. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a baby to give up.
Azeraphil: ( come into view of the viewers, drinking coffee) good evening my dear friends…been a bit en'it? The baby has been…hold on…let's take a nice stroll over to "Delamont Mansion" also been made a hospital, where a Nun, a Priest and a Doctor of the last known surviving members of the Delmont family, and…you know that would make for a great joke… 5 women heavily pregnant ready to give birth (Sits down) we are gonna make this switch of the package and one of the babies, (Starts playing with cards) now you might know this card game from before. Take a nice look at how the cards will play. If you're anything like a card player, then you know the infamous dance of "Pithomire" but in human language I suppose that would be "the guessing game." As you can see the dealer; me, will start with 5 cards, but even if I end with 5 cards, only one may come on top. As we have the 5 cards, we will shuffle them up, but as we shuffle them up, the game in which you know as the "guessing game" you must guess what card we chose, and if you're right, then you win the prize of seeing the rest of this lovely story.
Mother Mary: quickly everyone, quickly!!! We must get everything prepared for the supposed heir that is to be born!!! Ransom!!! please make sure that all the maids and the 5 nuns are with their assigned wives!!
Ransom: wait-!!
Mother Mary: what?
Ransom: I am on my period-
Mother Mary: you should've thought about it before coming here-
Ransom: I sent you an email and told me that if I want to call in sick I needed to come in person and tell you or give you a two week notice.
Mother Mary: And that is my fault, how?
Ransom: because you're the one who replied to me?
Mother Mary: well, suck it up buttercup. (turn around) Adams!!! makes sure the whole castle is locked down; no repeat of last time of hobos begging for money inside the hospital lobby. And no one pitching tents up in here either!!! Berg!!! By the good gracious hand of God!!! What are you doing muddling on the floor like a bumbling babbling band of baboons!!?!?! You are a grown adult with kids and a wife…get yourself together and start the 3 horns-
Berg: but mother I-
Mother Mary: don't care, get to your job, before I give you something to cry about.
Berg: …how many horns do I-
Mother Mary: 1 short, 1 half, 1 long!! Everyone else stay out of the way of working people, get in the way and you get to muck out the pig sty for the rest of the month-
Everyone: …(nods and looks at her)
Mother Mary: (turns back to the group) What are you still doing here? Get out!! And do your jobs!!
Everyone: yes Ma'am!!
Mother Mary: (glares at them) Excuse me?
Everyone: …sorry Mommy!!
Mother Mary: try again-
Everyone: sorry Mother Mary.
Mother Mary: thought so-
Maranda: (comes running in) Mother!!! Mother!!! Mother!!! Mother!!!! Mother Mommy-!!!
Mother Mary: what?
Maranda: Sorry, Mommy Mary…Mother Mary…
Mother Mary: ….(glares at her)
Maranda: excuse me a moment as I chug down some Holy water sitting in the Cathedral as we speak-
Mother Mary: do not start, maranda-
Maranda: and may the Lord not strike me down himself but through the luxurious hands that are upon the good Lord's servant; named after the first servant and mother of the almighty son of God; Lord Jesus Christ; the Massiah; all hail God's chosen Mother to bare the child to come; Mother Mary!!!
Mother Mary: (not amused) are you done?
Maranda: (falls on her knees) strike my face Mother Mary; so that it may plead for forgiveness and mercy, for my mouth has sinned against you-
Berg: (walks in but stops) …what did I just walk in on…
Mother Mary: You have made more sinful choices tonight, by being belligerent and miserably mistaking it to be a blessing, you know what they call that?
Maranda: what?
Mother Mary: The devils work, now get up off the floor!! Why were you-
Maranda: oh! There is a car marking the symbol of...(whispers) "the fallen."
Mother Mary: well that's not good…what is one of them doing here?
Maranda: That's what I asked, but she simply said for me to fetch you, but I told her not to ask for your presence because I was there, but she glared at me, with a silent glare…much like yours but…not as blessed.
Mother Mary: What does she look like?
Maranda: shorter than I thought one of those buggers to be, had white hair with two long braids on either side…and um…she is missing a right eye.
Mother Mary: Anything else of particular importance?
Maranda: like?
Mother Mary: Her wings? Did she show them?
Maranda: No.
Mother Mary: stay where you are, I am going to confront this monster-
Raven: my oh my, how insulting-
Mother Mary: (turns around) y-y-your…*clears throat* your t-the…your the-
Raven: Do you need time to get used to what you're saying?
Mother Mary: you monstrous devil-
Raven: *sighs* not a devil, I am a fallen Angel like the-
Mother Mary: same thing. Lucifer was a fallen and he became a devil-
Raven: no…the devil is lucifer…he was an angel but he became what we all call the devil, a fallen angel who striked lies in the hearts of man…hence the name. What you're looking for is a demon, a devil is not a species it is a person, a demon on the other hand is a species.
Mother Mary: What is the difference? They both are a sin.
Raven: true…but I am not the king of hell and wish to not be in charge of degrading imbeciles.
Mother Mary: so your a demon-
Raven: no…I'm not a demon, I am called an-
Mother Mary: sinful monster.
Raven: You nuns are a catholic cult, you're stealing a baby and switching it out with another baby that you don't know if it is evil or not…and then calling me evil because I happen to not be an angel. To be truthful neither a demon, nor an angel is going to step foot in a filthy muck like this place.
Mother Mary: …I must go and talk to someone…very important. Stand outside.
Raven: …
Mother Mary: …
Raven: …
Mother Mary: (pointedly looks at her)...
Raven: oh!! You want to watch my booty scooty out of the housey wousey?
Mother Mary: …?
Raven: Okay dokay.
(Inside the Supreme Mother's Office)
Mother Mary: (knocks on the door) Bishop!! Bishop!!! (comes into the office) Bishop, there has been some rather disturbing…news…
Raven: well, well, well, a Mother beneath the Supreme Mother, calling one above you by name? What has the world gone to?
Mother Mary: I meant Supreme Moth-...how'd you-
Raven: not important, finish that statement even though there is no going back now.
Mother Mary: …(hesitant) you allowed her into-
Bishop: into my office? Well someone like her hasn't given me much options…especially when she walks into the place acting like she belongs…
Raven: Actually I crawled up the grape vine and ripped my cloth on my way to an empty hall. Which by the way. You all suck at having people stand guard. I could've walked in here with one of your robes on and stolen all the goods in this place…although none of it is real.
Bishop: hush up child.
Raven: I am older than you. I was there when your grandmother was born.
Mother Mary: she In fact does not belong here, such disrespect would not have been tolerable in Heaven.
Raven: You would be surprised how many angels like to take "a road less traveled by" to get to God's throne room.
Mother Mary: Your blatant disrespect in the Lord's home is absolutely inappropriate and inexcusable. It is a breeding ground for consequences, many deserving to you.
Raven: this is an old renovated hotel that got turned into a nunnery that later was a…trafficking violation, which was abandoned after the cops came in and put an end to it, which then was dormant for about 6 years before being turned into a large drug ring, that went up in flames after a heavily drunk gang leader wanted to "light the place up." It was then made into a mansion that was bought by a dude who believed sacrificing his wives and children to appease the demon gods was a better option in order for him to have a son. While he did not have a baby boy and took part in multiple polymerous relationships, he married a clever lady who burned him like a witch at trial, and later gave birth to his first and only baby boy…
Both: …
Raven: …and then the mansion caught on fire and everyone kind of died due to CO poisoning because the baker left the stove open. And now you guys inhabit it and call it a hospital for Christ without knowing the history behind the land.
Mother Mary: …well…we have rid it of sin-
Raven: with what? Dream catchers?
Mother Mary: no!!! Those are the devils work-
Raven: I was…I was kidding…
Bishop: …quiet both of you!!! If you will? (turns to raven) What is your business here? And why are you here?
Raven: glad you have asked, see I have been tasked by some very special and interesting friends, though I myself don't consider them part of my empty circle-
Bishop: Yes, I do believe that this circle of yours is quite empty…can we establish why you have come here?
Raven: I have done so because a friend of theirs, who happens to be an amazing coworker of mine, has asked for some assistance…
Bishop: get to the point, Rat.
Raven: Now let's not call each other names, we're both adults. Are we not? And we of course don't want to upset the package…after all, we don't want it growing up to despise the church and become an Anti-Christ, now do we? *laughs*
Bishop: (not amused)
Raven: (turns to Mary) Do you all not have a humorous bone?
Bishop: do not say such words in front of me as if it is a joke-
Raven: (stares her dead in the eyes) madam I don't joke.
Bishop: You're a vile creature, that shouldn't even exist.
Raven: I believe you are talking about demons and the Devil-
Bishop: I said what I said. And I rest my case.
Raven: then I shall say what I say, and tell you, that this little package is hungry…and will need a suitable mother. (Turns around).
Bishop: And where do you think you're going?
Raven: …I believe the locals call it, "out the door." I'm not entirely certain, so I might have to check back with you on that.
Bishop: You have a job, and that job isn't finished till you have made sure "it" goes to a proper family.
Raven: But you called me a vile creature, what makes you think I want to stay?
Bishop: (glares at her)
Raven: …fine, but call me a "vile creature" and I'll call you a "snobbish bread winning swine."
Mother Mary: I beg your pardon?
Raven: (looks at her) I would love to be pardoned, but I think my plea deal went out the window, some billion years ago.
Mother Mary: apologize to her Supremacy!! Immediately.
Raven: (bows) please accept my humble apologies, for I have not been so kind to you before.
Bishop: You lie through your teeth.
Raven: no, ma'am I believe they call it a "tongue."
Azeraphil: (walks on the scene) back to our card game at last…In the first room, the Orange room, contains a pregnant lady…we call Lady A. The Green room holds Lady B. Now, Lady A and Lady B will both be having twins…how cute. The next 2 rooms; hold Lady C and D. The two ladies are only going to give birth to one child. Truly an ugly and cute sight…the last one, Lady E will give birth to triplets…how does one do such things? I haven't the slightest clue. Now that that has been said, and you are hopefully still following the cards; the hand has been drawn, and the cards have been dealt, if lucky, only one shall come out on top, the rest nothing more than dust in the winds…or whatever you children say "you nothing but a piece of gravel." Now, take a good look at whom the baby will be passed onto and become the saving grace or a doom and destruction!!! (walks off)
Mother Mary: Gather!!! Gather!!! Gather around and-
Raven: no, you're supposed to say, Hear ye, Hear ye!!! A message from the king!!! (turns to Mary) now you may try.
Mother Mary: …(turns back to the crowd) as you might have all known the person here with us tonight will be giving you detailed instructions that must be follow-
Raven: meaning dot the I's and cross the T's.
Mother Mary: Do you mind?
Raven: no, I don't mind at all…would you like me to finish the speech or…?
Mother Mary: (glares at her then turns to the crowd) for if one mishap or mistake is made on this very night, the outcome of how this will turn out will be on all of your heads…(turns to Raven) if you will please.
Raven: yes, as you might have known, I am carrying the soon to be antiChrist or future Child of God, so in any way your part in this is to keep the other's not chosen for the important work of being the parent of a child whom may very well hold the worlds life in its little grabby hands, away and occupied-
Mother Mary: And your part?
Raven: …I have a part?
Mother Mary: she is to send this child to one of the maidens to handle it with care and switch it out with one of the children.
Raven: oh…
Mother Mary: Is there a problem?
Raven: I wanted to leave.
Mother Mary: Then there is no problem. Now assign the children to their works.
Raven: (looks around) Woman with the Hijab you're in charge of Lady A, woman with the full body suit, you're in charge of Lady B, Becky with the good hair!!
May: me?
Raven: yeah, who else would I ask for, Elsa and Anna over here? Or Peter Griffin and Poccohonnas?
May: …
Raven: You're in charge of Lady C. I'm certain you won't mess it up.
May: of course not, I'm not like you.
Raven: I wouldn't want to look like Ariana Granda getting stepped on by plastic surgeons 20 times over, thank you next. And Casanova-
May: why is her name remembered and not mine.
Raven: because Casanova makes sense, and she and I have a long standing feud, also you annoy me. (turns to Casanova) You're in charge of Lady D…and you.
Mother Mary: I have a name.
Raven: You do?
Mother Mary: yes!!!
Raven: Imma call you bald lady.
Mother Mary: I will not answer.
Raven: You answered perfectly fine before. Although I didn't need you to answer when your Lover assigned you to Lady E's room.
Mother Mary: How dare you lie in my presence!!!
Raven: wow…you two having a torrid love affair?
Mother Mary: I am the head mother of this Hospital, how dare you think of me as a low good for nothing worthless piece of garbage,
May: hey-
Mother Mary: shut up. I am in charge of the future child, why? Because I am a higher rank, and should handle an important package!!
Raven: Would you like to take a look at the rosters? Cause after spending time with Bishop I'm sure you know what her hand writing looks like…I bet you even know what I and T is her's.
Mother Mary: (glances at the roster) You must have forged it.
Raven: I would never. See (shows her the clipboard)
Mother Mary: …Blasphemy!!!
Bishop: (has been zoning out for almost all of the meeting) please respect my decisions. I do them not based on status, it is because we all have to take turns doing something important.
Mother Mary: Am I not important?
Bishop: (zones back in) *smirks* you're already doing something important.
Mother Mary: please stop making inappropriate innuendos in a holy and proper place, Ma'am.
Everyone: …
Raven: …cool…Any questions?
Ethel: one-
Raven: Great!! Get to work.
Brandon: (comes in) it is starting, ma'am.
Raven: I'm not a ma'am.
Brandon: (pauses to investigate her) sir?
Raven: …now that's just rude.
Everyone: (leaving)
Mother Mary: Child!!
Raven: (turns to look at her) I also knew your granddad.
Mother Mary: what?
Raven: don't worry about it. What do you need now?
Mother Mary: I would like to ask why you would put me in such a humiliating situation?
Raven: I didn't put you in a humiliating situation, I put you in charge of a heavy woman the size of a barn like every other woman in there-
Mother Mary: that heavy woman is a commoner.
Raven: And God loved every beggar who is humble enough to know when her stick is too far up her donkey.
Mother Mary: What did I do to offend you?
Raven: nothing I know of, why?
Mother Mary: before you came here, I was the first person anyone would go to for doing important work. The amount of trust was so high up in the cloudscape, only for it to be squandered by someone like you who has made me like a common worker bee.
Raven: Then that must've been a short amount of trust in you.
Mother Mary: Your very existence puts little trust in me.
Raven: my very existence, existed like a ray of sunshine and unicorns on fairy dust and pixie sticks.
Mother Mary: your words are blasphemy.
Raven: I think we have reached the point of no return.
Mother Mary: which means-
Raven: We should end our conversation, it's teetering on falling into the Abyss.
Mother Mary: …(looks at her) you should fall into an Abyss.
Raven: …you hurt a lot of people's feelings. But you know…maybe that woman over there would like to talk to your antic disposition.
Mother Mary: antic…? What woman-?
Maranda: Oh dear Mother!!?!?!
Mother Mary: (freezes in place) oh please don't leave me here-
Raven: oh…so now you beg for my existence to exist. I see how it is, don't want me here when I am needed, but want me here to get you out of a situation you put yourself in by being the definition of "Karma."
Mother Mary: such ignorance from an unruly ugly little brat!!!
Raven: … "and the gift just keeps on giving, the whole year round." (Turns around and walks away)
Mother Mary: no!!! Child-!!
Maranda: mother, who was that you were talking to. She looked like the "thing" we were talking to earlier.
Mother Mary: why are you breathing so loudly in my vicinity?
Maranda: sorry-
Mother Mary: no, I'm sorry that your nasal congestion is not working properly for you to not be breathing properly. In short I wish you would go to a well and dunk your head in the water a few times to clear up your mistakes.
Maranda: The well's water is so far down.
Mother Mary: I know.
Maranda: I might get stuck…
Mother Mary: such a shame.
Maranda: …
Mother Mary: …what did you want-?
Maranda: you missed me-
Mother Mary: not really-
Maranda: I mean, what about me?
Mother Mary: What about you?
Maranda: What am I doing?
Mother Mary: doing-?
Maranda: for a job?
Mother Mary: …you can bring a plate of cookies…or something important like that.
Maranda: and?
Mother Mary: …And you can bake that beautiful cake you know how to make. Very good, I would say God has blessed you with a wonderful baking thumb.
Maranda: really?
Mother Mary: oh yes, (sassy snaps) I think that if you were to open a bakery you'd bring the Good Lord's light and love in everything you do.
Maranda: oh mother *sniffles* you're so kind hearted and sweet. How do I deserve your blessed gifts of love? (Hugs her)
Mother Mary: yes…I do believe God has Blessed me with such a wonderful gift…
Maranda: mother?
Mother Mary: what?
Maranda: Am I important enough to bring some of these delicious treats to the guests?
Mother Mary: *gritted teeth* of course…you are.
Maranda: Oh you make me blush.
Mary: hmm…sister Maranda?
Maranda: yes?
Mother Mary: please unhand me. I have a commoner I have to take care of.
Maranda: Your job is so important. I want you to know that. (Let's go and gives her a smile)
Mother Mary: *strained smile* How sweet. (Walks away)