A/N: I'M ALIVE! I SURVIVED THE SOLO WEEKEND SHIFT, with God's help ofc. Exhausted is a pretty good way to sum up how I feel now lol, but I promised I'd get this chapter out to you guys. Being called doctor by the nurses was such a great feeling until I realised each time they said it, it meant they needed something from me, so it ended up making me weary by the end of Sunday XD
Anyway! This is THE chapter you've all been waiting for! Or at least one of the big chapters you guys have been waiting for haha. I hope you enjoy it as much as I had a blast writing it.
Responses to guest reviews:
Haneypots: Yayyy, I need you to stick around man XD Hehe you can tell I'm having fun with all these surprises, got plenty more under my sleeves! ;) Haha you're not the only one. Exactly! Aang's such a nice guy, he doesn't want anyone to be hurt by his actions – whether he remembers them or not, but he doesn't have much attachment to Katara because of his lack of memories and I guess that's what makes it so painful. Haha that's true, I mean this is what this chapter is about, well kinda anyway XD Definitely more fun XD I found it! Thanks for sharing, fanart esp angsty ones are always fun to see. Haha interesting ideas my friend, I can't say I thought of it, but I'm loving your ideas of introducing more drama, dw I've got you covered tho in some other way you'll find out later XD Anyway, excuse the wait but we're finally here!
A: Hope the wait wasn't too bad XD I'm really glad you liked it! Exactly, its like their roles have completely reversed which I hadn't intentionally planned, but it's a fun and ironic way to look at it. Haha wayyyy too soon and easy, you know me by now, I like dragging things out, the more drama the better! Close, that's the next one XD Haha 26 and still counting XD but super happy to have you along for the ride my friend. Have fun with this one!
/
Later that day - evening:
Katara's POV:
I was meant to go straight to sleep when I returned home, but I found myself doing everything but resting. From house chores to being lost in thought. It was a vicious cycle until everyone returned home.
However, the stiffness in the air from the night before has lingered. Fuki was stuttering around me before she disappeared into her room. Yatsu doesn't even spare me a glance before he races to his own room. And even Yun doesn't seem to know what to do with himself. So, when the bell rings I'm actually almost grateful when I open the door to reveal the Air Nomad.
"Hey, hope this isn't a bad time." The Airbender apologises as I step to one side to let him in.
"Not at all. Things are a bit...tense. Yatsu could do with a friendly face." I reassure and watch as the man steps through the door and into the house. He spots Yun lounging on the sofa with a coffee and smiles.
"Nice to see you again Yun." The Avatar greets politely, prompting the man to grin in response.
"Likewise. Should I get you something to drink?" My fiancé offers as he sets his mug down on the tea table, only for the Avatar to shake his head.
"No, no. Rest. Just going to give Yatsu a quick crash course in Airbending, so hopefully there will be less mishaps." The Air Nomad explains and Yun's eyes automatically slide towards me with a pointed expression. I give him a half shrug in response. It's my way of telling him that the Airbender doesn't know the details of the tension between my son and I. Yun seems to get it as he reaches for his mug once more with a nod.
"Yatsu is upstairs in his room. I'd get him, but...I haven't been his favourite person." I mumble as curiosity burns in the Airbender's eyes.
"Yes of course, I'll go up." Yatsu's father confirms and after a moment I follow him up the stairs. I watch as the Air Nomad knocks on the door before speaking.
"Yatsu? It's Aang, mind if I come in?" The man queries softly and no sooner has he spoken, the door jerks open as he gazes at his father with excited eyes.
"I didn't know you were coming!" Yatsu squeals with delight and jumps to hug the man. The sight sends a dull ache in my chest as I recall he used to look that excited to see me too. I bite my lip and look away, unable to watch the sight.
"Thought to drop in and give you some more lessons." The Avatar reveals with a wink as he ruffles the boy's hair.
"Really?" His wide eyes of excitement is enough to make the ache in my chest intensify.
"Yep!" The Airbender confirms with a smile, but he must've caught the expression on my face as he frowns and turns back to the boy. "Can your Mummy watch too?" The Air Nomad asks, testing the waters and Yatsu's face immediately turns sour.
"No!" He shouts and I cringe. 'When did he become so bitter towards me?' I think as the wound in my heart seems to rip open.
"Why not?" His father's question is direct and to the point, cutting across Yatsu's haze of anger as he frowns.
"Mummy did something awful!" The child screams and with wide eyes I realise he's going to spill something that he definitely should not be saying in front of the Airbender. I rush over to him and clamp a hand over his mouth.
"I know you're mad at me, but you don't need to tell everyone about our personal business." I grit firmly, but if anything that piques the Airbender's interest even more. Yatsu's eyes pierce into me with a look of betrayal and I find myself withdrawing my hand.
"Mama you're..." He starts, but I quickly shake my head.
"I know! I'm the worst. You hate me. I've got it. You don't need to repeat it." I croak back as I press my forefinger and thumb pads over my closed eye sockets. The action sends a wave of new black dots across my vision as a bout of dizziness hits me. I breathe through my mouth before pulling my hand away to find both airbenders gazing at me with furrowed eyebrows. 'Of all the times for them to look identical.' I groan silently as I drop my hand to my side.
"M-Mummy?" Yatsu's voice trembles and I frown in surprise. 'He hasn't been this gentle in a while.' I wonder in confusion.
"What?" I echo when they both continue to stare at me.
"Katara...you're crying." My ex-husband notes in distress as he moves to brush his thumb against my cheek and when he pulls it back, I spot the shiny spot of moisture on his thumb pad. I immediately twist around to give them my back. 'So much for my promise of never crying in front of the boy.' I curse myself.
"I'm going to get some rest. Let me know when you've finished teaching Yatsu." I say, excusing myself, but something grips the hem of my shirt.
"M-Mummy w-wait." The stutter in my son's voice has me stopping, but I can't bring myself to turn around to face him. 'I never wanted him to see me cry. He was only ever meant to see me strong. He's had to rely on me for so long, if I wasn't strong then who else could he depend on? It's probably one of the hardest things that I found as a single parent.' I take in a deep breath.
"Yes sweetie?" I reply.
"Are you...are you crying because of me?" Yatsu's whisper holds an underlying tone of fear and I have to swallow back my ball of emotion as I turn to face him.
"No. I'm just upset about what I did yesterday. I shouldn't have done that." I choke back as I kneel down in front of him. My son gazes at me with wide eyes as he reaches forward to rest a hand against my cheek in a manner so strikingly similar to his father that the battle to keep my eyes clear seems like a losing one.
"I...I've never seen you cry before Mummy." Yatsu croaks as he rests his other hand on my other cheek. I give him a watery smile and place my hands over his.
"Don't worry I'll be fine." I reassure as I pat his hands, but the boy doesn't look reassured in the slightest.
"Mummy, I'm not mad about yesterday." My son mumbles. I bite my lip.
"I still shouldn't have done it." I argue and I can tell my ex-husband is looking increasingly confused as his gaze darts between the two of us.
"I was going to hurt someone, you stopped that." Yatsu protests, but I bite the inside of my cheek. 'While that's true, there are better ways of going about it. Hitting your child is never one of them. It's especially worse that I acted on impulse.' I chew my lip.
"That doesn't change..." I start, but stop when Yatsu stomps his foot.
"Mummy I'm a big boy, one slap isn't the end of the world!" The child shouts and I cringe while the Avatar's jaw slackens. I swallow and look away from them both. "I don't want you to cry Mama. I don't like it." Yatsu adds quietly. My breathing catches at hearing that. 'I used to tell his father that same thing.' I recall numbly.
"Ok. No more crying." I promise as I pull his hands away from my face and give them a gentle squeeze. The boy scrutinises me critically before giving me a determined nod.
"Good and I...I...I won't ask about Daddy anymore." Yatsu mutters as he drops his head, but not before I catch some moisture collecting in his eyes. It pulls at me deeply as I reach forward to tilt his chin up.
"If I'm not crying, then I don't want you to either." I insist, but big fat tears start rolling down his face.
"I just want Daddy to know I e-exist." Yatsu cries as he starts hiccupping. 'Shoot.' I curse as my eyes automatically dart up to my ex-husband who's watching the entire exchange uncomfortably.
However, as soon as he hears Yatsu's comment, a frown makes its way to his face. Grey orbs snap towards mine and in a moment of blind panic, I avert my eyes. From my peripheries, I spot his hands clenching and his face tightening. My heart drops. 'Oh no.' I think as a sinking feeling engulfs me.
"Hey Yatsu, what about I take you to the science store tomorrow?" The Air Nomad interrupts suddenly. The randomness of the suggestion is enough to distract the child's attention as he blinks up in surprise.
"But...the science shop is expensive." Yatsu points out in confusion, only for the older Airbender to grin.
"That's not a problem. You can pick out anything you want, but on one condition." My ex-husband bargains and somehow, he's got the boy completely wrapped around his finger.
"What's that?" Yatsu asks suspiciously.
"Mind if I borrow your Mum for now?" The Avatar requests lightly, but to someone who's known him for as long as I have, I can make out the restrained rage behind his eyes. A storm is brewing in them and I'm too terrified to face it.
"I don't think..." I start in an attempt to sway the conversation elsewhere.
"Deal!" Yatsu exclaims whilst bouncing on his heels, as if completely forgetting that he was moments away from having a full-blown meltdown. 'Children will never cease to confuse me.' I think in disbelief just as the man flashes a grin to the boy.
"Great! Now, if you'll excuse us." My ex-husband murmurs before snapping out his hand to grip my wrist tightly. He leans in close to my ear. "Where's the nearest window?" The Airbender whispers stiffly. I can feel my lungs being squeezed against my ribcage as I try to pull out of his grip.
"What are you thinking?" I demand as the man pulls me behind him, not waiting for my response. I'm pulled into the bedroom I've been sharing with Yun, but the Air Nomad barely pays it any mind as he tugs me over to the open window and with one blast of air we're flying through it and up in the air.
"What are you doing?!" I yell as the Avatar bends us on top of the roof. I watch as he sends a blast of air down, closing the window we exited to reach the roof. I find myself stumbling as soon as he releases his grip on me and I quickly latch onto a nearby ledge. "Shoot, what's gotten into you?!" I shout angrily, but stop when I see a darkness swirling in his eyes. The sight has a chill running down my spine.
"Yatsu's Dad doesn't know he exists?" My ex-husband states tightly as he crosses his arms over his chest. I swallow and narrow my eyes at him.
"How does that have anything to do with you?" I fire back, but inside I feel my body quivering in fear. 'Spirits I knew it was a bad idea to let him get close. I don't even know what's running through his mind right now. He just looks livid.' The Airbender stares at me; it's the first bit of hesitation that he's shown on his face since he grabbed me here.
"You've implied we were still married when I lost my memories. Yatsu mentioned that he was five years old, nearly six. I lost my memories six and a half years ago which potentially covers for the time you would've been pregnant with him. Plus, he's an Airbender." My ex-husband lists off as he looks up directly at me. "And his own Dad doesn't know he exists." The Airbender adds as he scrunches his nose up.
I feel my stomach twist at the summary he's just thrown in my face. 'The timeline. I foolishly didn't even think about the timeline. I fell pregnant just weeks after he lost his memories. Shoot, shoot, shoot! I can't believe I never thought about that before.' I curse myself as I bite the inside of my cheek so hard that I feel a rush of metallic taste.
"If you have a point then say it." I grit out as my fingers dig into the ledge for dear life. The man looks me dead in the eye.
"You're going to make me say it?" The Air Nomad breathes back in disbelief. I scowl at the Air Nomad.
"I don't even know what you're getting at." I bite back, the lie is so obvious that I feel like cringing after saying it.
"Am I Yatsu's father?" My ex-husband drops bluntly. I thought I had prepared myself for the inevitable question considering the amount of lead up he gave me to it, but nausea slams into me even with the mental preparation.
"That's a bold thing of you to assume, just because of a coincidence in the timings." I fire back. Lying would be easy, but for something this big, it feels so wrong and I find myself struggling to flat out deny it. I observe the way his jaws clench as he unfolds his arms to drop them to his sides.
"If we were indeed married when I lost my memories, then either Yatsu is mine or..." My ex-husband stops himself abruptly. I narrow my eyes at him, not liking his implication.
"Or what?" I cut sharply as I clench my hands. The Airbender scrutinises me as he pushes his shoulders back tensely.
"Or...you cheated on me while we were together." The Air Nomad mutters.
The accusation cuts deep. Deeper than I thought imaginable. 'Even after he disappeared on me during that Yon Rha fiasco, I never even looked at another guy. Five whole years. And then after he lost his memories, I dedicated myself to Yatsu and only for the past month did I finally cave. And now I'm being accused of cheating on him?'
I inhale sharply, ready to throw back a harsh retort, but my breathing catches and my eyes sting. 'Shoot. That...that really hurt.' I think with a pained pang. The Airbender's taut features drops when he catches my wounded expression. I suck in a breath to still the squeezing in my chest, not wanting him to feel sympathetic for me.
"Katara..." He starts, his voice dropping its previous hostility as he takes a step towards me. I move back as hurt continues to course through me.
"I didn't. I would never do that. Spirits you have no idea how loyal I was." I spit back, making the man recoil in shock. The Avatar chews his lips in thought before slumping his shoulders.
"Yeah, I...I didn't think you were the type of person to...do that." My ex-husband mumbles as he rubs the back of his neck.
"Then you shouldn't have asked." My voice was meant to be angry, but I can hear it tremble. I shift my body weight, trying to find my footing on the uneven roof. His mouth moves wordlessly up and down for several moments before sighing.
"S-Sorry. That was...out of line." The Airbender apologises quietly while staring at the ground. After an age he lifts his gaze, pinning me with those stormy orbs of his again. "So, Yatsu...he's mine?" The Air Nomad finally whispers after an age. I bite my tongue.
"You're assuming a lot of things." I mutter as I turn to give him my side.
"Katara, tell me the truth. Am I Yatsu's father?" My ex-husband presses as he closes the distance between us. I clench my jaws, but remain silent. 'Evading and lying doesn't seem to be working.' Rough hands grasp my shoulders and I'm pulled forward until I'm face to face with my ex-husband. I can feel his fingernails digging into my skin as he gazes at me solemnly. "Tell me." The man orders. My fingers curl into fists by my sides.
"No." I utter tightly as defiance radiates in my blue eyes. The Airbender inhales deeply as his gazes darkens.
"I have a right to know if he is." My ex-husband bites back with narrowed eyes, but my lips remain sealed. 'I don't know why I'm prolonging this torture. My refusal to respond is enough of an answer in itself. So, why does he keep pressing me for confirmation?' I wonder irritably as the Avatar starts shaking me hard. "Katara, just answer!" His voice rises an octave.
I have to press my lips tightly together to stop the sudden tremble I feel in them as my heart starts pounding so loudly that I feel it in my ears. 'Come on dumb mouth, just answer him.' I chide myself, but my tongue is just so numb. I can't make it move no matter how hard I try to. I swallow, but the Airbender's shaking persists.
"For the love of spirits, SAY SOMETHING KATARA!" The Airbender's screech is so loud that it cuts across the air like a whip. I flinch hard. If he hadn't been holding me, I would've easily flown right off the roof several metres away.
"Y-Yes." I croak back finally, shocking both the Air Nomad and myself.
"Yes...what?" My ex-husband whispers as a layer of fear enters his grey orbs. My lips move wordlessly for several moments as I look away.
"He's yours." I mumble and instantly I feel his hands retract from my shoulders as he takes a step back from me.
"A-Are you sure?" The Airbender asks weakly, as if all the anger has been sapped out of him. I bite my lip hard, struggling to get the words out because it just reminds me of how traumatic the whole experience was.
"You...lost your memories a couple of weeks before I found out I was pregnant." I reveal briefly, not daring to tell him that he conveniently lost his memories the very next day after our night of intimacy. 'That...that would be too painful to confess.' But when I see the horror on his face, I wonder if not telling him was worse.
"You mean for nearly 6 years I had a son and you never told me?" The Airbender wheezes back and I stretch out a hand to him in an attempt to placate him, but he slaps it away with such force that I have to grab at the ledge again to not lose my footing.
"I..." I begin with the intention of defending myself, but no words come to mind.
"I might've forgotten everything, but that doesn't mean you should've hidden this from me!" The Air Nomad yells and for the first time in years, I spot his eyes and arrows flashing bright white. I widen my eyes in alarm.
"Ok take a deep breath, I know this isn't what you expected." My words are in a garbled mess as I rush to calm him down, but when his face contorts into a snarl, I know I'm too late for that.
"This isn't what I expected?! You lied to me for years! You hid him from me for years?! How do you expect me to forgive that?! It doesn't matter if our relationship was dead. I could've at least had a relationship with him! You can see how badly he craves for one! What's worse is I've met him multiple times over the weeks and you never said a word! To either of us! Why would you do something so cruel?!" My ex-husband bellows as he shoots daggers at me with his eyes still glowing. 'I never liked seeing him in the Avatar State, but at least his hatred was never directed at me.' I feel my legs shaking as each jab hits me deeper and deeper. It's almost relentless as I feel my chest squeezing so unreasonably tightly that I forget how to breathe.
"You...you didn't even remember me. You said I was confused that day, remember? How did you expect me to convince you that I was carrying your child?" I argue, but the fire in my belly has long been extinguished. More so when his hands curl into fists.
"You're just making excuses for not telling me. He's my son, I have every right to know he exists! Spirits Katara, I've been a Dad for years and had no idea! I missed out on half his childhood! How could you lie about this?!" His yelling coupled with the raging wind around us makes my eyes water and when I try to blink them back, dark spots appear across my vision. 'Spirits, I really am past my limit. I should've slept when I had the chance.' I think numbly as my grip on the ledge loosens.
My shaking legs seem to have gone past their limit too, so when I stumble, I'm not surprised that I can't re-establish my balance on the unstable roof. I sense myself slipping, even before I see myself plummeting down. Rushing air greets me again as I fall, but it's different from the Airbender's bending. It's less livid, but it carries its own sense of impending doom. I close my eyes as my head throbs with a splitting headache. 'This isn't how I wanted things to go. We were meant to stay married, love each other, have a few kids together, watch them grow up together. Not this. Never this.' I think to myself as tears stab the backs of my eyes and my throat burns with anguish.
"KATARA!" The Avatar's scream interrupts my thought fog and it's almost comical that he's worried about me after what he just found out.
Just before I hit the ground, I feel strong arms grab me and we land onto the floor with a harsh thump. My heart is still beating erratically from how close I was to dying or at least being paralyzed.
"Katara?!" The Airbender probes in fear as he gives me a shake. I open my eyes briefly, but my vision has gone completely. Blurred with tears and black dots from exhaustion.
"I'm fine. I haven't had much sleep." I mumble as I screw my eyes tightly for several seconds before re-opening them. It's still a bit fuzzy, but it's better than before. I can make out my ex-husband's frantic panic in his eyes as his lips are down turned alongside his deep frown. It's a few moments later when I realise I'm perched on his lap as he holds my shoulders.
"Spirits, do you have any idea how close you were to hitting the ground?! I-I almost didn't make it in time." The Air Nomad chokes as moisture starts to collect in his eyes. I gaze up at him with furrowed eyebrows as the part of me that still cares about him jerks at his distress.
"I knew you would." I mutter as I move off him. I ignore the bout of dizziness and move to rest my hand on the grass before closing my eyes again.
"Katara?" I hear him probe in concern, but I raise a free hand to silence him as I try hard not to heave out my dinner.
"Give me a moment. I...I know you're mad. You have every right to be. You both do." I mumble as I finally re-open my eyes.
"Stop. We...we can talk about this when you've had some rest." My ex-husband interrupts, sounding more solemn than I've ever seen him be before.
My stomach churns and I twist away from him to close my eyes again just as my dinner makes a come-back. I vaguely hear a pained whine, but I keep retching until my stomach feels empty. I lean back, only to find myself landing in the man's arms.
"Spirits I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have..." I can feel the quiver in his breathing due to being this close in proximity to him.
"Don't worry about it. You didn't know I've not been sleeping." I insist feebly. I exhale through my nostrils as I push myself off him again. "Give me until tomorrow. We'll...sit down and talk about it then." I offer weakly.
I resist the urge to close my eyes in exhaustion. 'There was a time that a lack of sleep would barely touch me unless I was going weeks at a time with close to no sleep. But after having Yatsu...I've been suffering with bouts of anaemia and tiredness. The birth itself was difficult, but I had always hoped I'd bounce back right after. But every time I push myself a little too much, I end up in a weak puddle of mess.' I massage my forehead.
"Let...let me help you up." My ex-husband murmurs as he takes my elbow, but I shrug him off.
"I can get up myself." I mutter, making the man frown.
"Why are you being so stubborn?" The Airbender asks as his lips downturn into a displeased expression. I resist the urge to glare at him and sigh instead.
"You're not my husband anymore for you to keep fretting over me." I mumble, stunning the Air Nomad as he pulls away from me completely. I regret the comment instantly and bite my lip.
"I don't have to be your husband to care about you." The Air Nomad retorts irritably. Something jerks out of place in my chest as I feel another bout of nausea coming on.
"I... don't want that." I argue, earning me an incredulous expression from the Avatar.
"You don't want me to care about you?" He echoes back in disbelief. I stare hard at the grass as I shift to my knees.
"No. It will bring back so many... memories and emotions." I falter. 'We couldn't find a balance as friends, not ever since we started a relationship. So, it would be impossible to even think about it now.' The Airbender stares at me for the longest time before finally replying.
"You're the mother of my son, so caring about you is part of the package." The Avatar mutters as he runs a hand over his bald scalp. My stomach twists. 'Of course. Why did I even think it would be anything else.' I rebuke sourly just as the man turns to give me his back. "Spirits, I actually have a son. This...this is too much to take in." My ex-husband breathes out as the revelation of the news finally hits him full force. My lips part in worry as I go to stand in front of him.
"I..." I start, but the words don't come. 'What do I even say to that? I had 9 months to come to terms of being a Mum. He's had no preparation or insight into it at all. It has just...been dumped in front of him like the click of a finger.' I gulp, suddenly scared he's going to disappear like he so often used to do when things became a little too much. "... you're not... going to disappear, are you?" I query quietly as a flash of anxiety runs through me. He blinks and snaps his head up to meet my blue eyes in shock.
"Why would I disappear? I was just mad at you for letting me miss most of his childhood." My ex-husband points out wearily and I suck in my lips in irrational relief. 'His trauma really did influence a lot of his past decisions, if now he's saying he's not going to run away.' I think to myself as I give him a shrug, refusing to directly answer his question.
"Some people find the responsibility a little too much to handle sometimes." I reply vaguely. The Airbender looks ready to dig deeper into my words, but thinks better of it.
"Right...let's just get you back." The Avatar mumbles as he leads me through the adjacent houses and back to my front door. I half expected the man to escort me inside, but he stops just before the doorstep. "Do you have work tomorrow?" The Air Nomad asks suddenly. I furrow my eyebrows and nod my head.
"Yeah, I have a shift in the mor-" I start, but the man interrupts me before I can finish.
"Tell them you can't make it." My ex-husband utters firmly and I stare at him as if he's grown two heads.
"What?! Why would I tell them that?" I argue as I rest a hand on my hip.
"You're swaying on your doorstep as we speak. You need to rest because you aren't going to be able to help anyone if you're shattered. Besides, you owe me a proper explanation." The Avatar states sternly. I open my mouth to protest, but one glare from him has me clamping up almost immediately. "Good." I hear him voice as he spins on his heels and walks briskly away.
I stare after him for the longest time before shaking my head and re-entering the house. I spot Yun sitting by the stairs as he bounces his knee up and down in thought. When he spots me, he jumps to his feet and rushes over me.
"I heard a lot of shouting, are you ok? Did he hurt you?!" The earthbender fires out as his hands pat down my arms. I catch his hands before they stray any further and give his fingers a reassuring squeeze.
"Don't worry, he wouldn't do that." I stress earnestly as my fiancé gazes at me dubiously. I release a quiet exhale as I lean back against a wall. "He figured out Yatsu is his." I mutter and I feel his hands slip from mine in shock.
"You told him?" Yun breathes back with wide eyes. I cringe and shake my head.
"He picked it up when Yatsu said his Dad doesn't know he exists. He...he knows I was married to him before his memories disappeared. Then he realised the timings of when he lost his memories and when I became pregnant matched up a little too nicely." I explain with a bitter mumble. The consultant crosses his arms over his chest as he leans back slightly.
"He knows you both were married too? Let me guess, the shouting I heard was his response to finding out he has a son?" Yun queries dryly. I swallow and nod my head slightly.
"Don't tell me you told me so, because I know." I mumble as I move towards the kitchen to grab some water.
"Ok I won't, but how's he taking it?" Yun questions as he follows behind me. I exhale heavily as I open the fridge and grab a bottle of water.
"He's angry. I've been roped in to talk with him tomorrow and he wants to take Yatsu to the science store. I'm not sure...exactly what's going to happen. Does he want custody over him? How involved does he want to be in his life? Do I even tell Yatsu? It's just...too much." I whisper, feeling more and more drained as I think about it. Whatever quip the earthbender has on its tongue quickly dies out when he eyes me from head to toe.
"I think...you need some rest. I know you haven't been having much sleep and it's catching up to you. Go sleep, I'll take care of the kids. We'll talk properly when you're feeling up to it. If you want me to stay with you tomorrow to talk to him, then I will." Yun murmurs as he steps forward to take hold of my elbow gently as he guides me out of the kitchen. I give him a half smile.
"Thank you Yatsu, I appreciate it. I think...I probably should talk to him alone, but I'll keep you in the loop." I voice tiredly and with a nod he leads me upstairs to our bedroom.
"Ok, I'm around if you need me." The man utters with a squeeze of my shoulder. I wait until he has exited the room and closed the door behind him before flopping backwards on the mattress. 'What a mess of a day. I just don't want to think about anything.' I think to myself as my eyes flutter to a close from the weight of them. With a groan, I reach for the closest nightgown to change into before falling back into bed. I'm out like a light as soon as my head hits the pillow.
Next Day:
I'm sleeping so deeply that when a shrill pierces my ear drums, I almost think that it's part of a dream. I groan and roll over to my side, ready to continue sleeping, when the shrill continues insistently. 'Is that the bell?' I wonder blearily as I rub my eyes and glance at the clock on the bedside table. 1pm it reads. I balk and jerk forward to a sitting position.
"Shoot, I overslept." I curse as I pull back the duvet.
The house bell rings loudly once again and I find myself hopping off the bed and moving downstairs. My eyes glance at a paper on the dining table and I snatch it up before going over to the house door.
My heart drops when I realise that I can make out the figure of the person on the other side through the hazy translucent glass door. The hand that was moving to unlock the door, drops to my side. 'Spirits, I forgot we promised we'd talk today, but...I don't feel ready at all. I haven't even decided how much I want to tell him and what I best keep to myself. I don't want another shouting match.' I think numbly as I massage my forehead.
"Katara I can see your shadow on the other side of the door." My ex-husband calls out. I groan and reach out to unlock the door, not having much of a say in the matter.
When I pull back the door, the man is standing stiffly and I can instantly tell that he's still angry. My stomach plummets and the paper in my hand crinkles as I clench my fingers. When the Airbender's eyes fall on me however, the anger vanishes almost instantly and instead his lips part in surprise.
"Did you just wake up?" He asks suddenly as his eyes dart off to the side. I furrow my eyebrows and glance at my attire to find that the nightgown I tiredly put on last night has a little more on display than I usually wear during all our encounters. My shoulders are showing and the V-neck reveals the upper third of my sternum. I bite the inside of my cheek, suddenly feeling uncomfortable.
"I woke up to the bell ringing." I reply dryly and the Air Nomad winces.
"Sorry, I didn't realise you'd still be asleep. I...should've checked." The man mumbles. I sigh and move to one side.
"You can wait in the lounge while I change into something else." I mutter as I look down at the paper in my hand. It's a note from Yun. When I glance up, I find that the Airbender hasn't budged.
"I can come back later." My ex-husband voices unsurely, but I shake my head as I wave the paper in front of him.
"I have to pick up the kids today, Yun has been roped into another late shift, so I won't have time later." I brush off as the Avatar skim reads over the note before sighing.
"Ok fine." He mumbles as he finally steps into the house. I close the door behind him and when I turn around, I almost collide straight into the Airbender.
"Spirits, you know the lounge is..." I start, but freeze when his hand reaches towards me. I grasp his wrist before he reaches my shoulder and flash him a warning look. "What are you doing?" I demand sharply, but his grey orbs aren't fixed on my face, it's staring off to the side.
"You... there's...nail marks on your shoulders." My ex-husband whispers as his face crumples in guilt. I frown, confused for a moment until it hits me. 'Oh. He grabbed my shoulders pretty roughly yesterday, I guess it's from that.' I realise as I release my hold on him.
"They'll go away." I say with a shrug as I move to walk past him, expecting him to give me way, but he doesn't move.
"That doesn't make it ok." My ex-husband stresses as he presses his lips tightly together until they tinge white. My jaw slackens, surprised that he's fretting about it.
"You just found out you've had a son for nearly 6 years. I think you're warranted a little anger." I remind with a grimace, but when I spot the moisture collecting in his eyes, I mentally feel kick myself. "Seriously it's fine." I insist as I hesitantly stretch out a hand to squeeze his arm. His eyes drop to my hand briefly before flickering back to my face.
"It isn't fine, I'm really sorry. I should've never lost my cool like that. That...that's never happened before." My ex-husband apologises as worry enters his eyes. I bite my lip. 'He hasn't lost his cool in over 6 years? Spirits, maybe I really was bad for him.' I realise as my chest tightens painfully.
"Trust me, I'm not bothered." I reassure and give him a smile just to prove it. He scrutinises me for the longest moment before releasing a breath.
"I promise I won't ever do that again." The Air Nomad vows as he bows low. I widen my eyes and reach down to pull him up by the shoulders.
"Stop it. You're being too nice to someone who's spent years lying to you." I rebuke tightly. Confliction arises in his stormy grey orbs as he turns his head to the side, giving me a clear look of the throbbing at his jaws.
"That's just who I am. Losing my temper isn't me." The Airbender states seriously. I release a quiet breath as I pull away from him.
"Everyone loses their temper at some point. It's normal." I brush off, but when his eyes snap back to me with an obvious protest on his lips I'm quick to continue speaking. "Let me go get changed." I utter firmly as I turn my head away from him, ready to move past him, but he still doesn't give me away. "Can I get past please?" I request wryly, but his eyes doesn't leave me neckline.
"You've got a scar on your collarbone." My ex-husband murmurs as he reaches to brush the area with his thumb. I recoil from him instantly as a flare of anger rushes through me.
"You can say things without touching." I grit back, but he doesn't even flinch. His eyes are just glued to my collarbone. 'Spirits, memories or not, this scar always seems to bug him.' I exhale loudly. "It's just a scar." I voice flippantly which is enough to finally draw away the Airbender's attention from the blemish.
"It's an unusual place to get a scar." My ex-husband notes solemnly, taking me by surprise. My hand subconsciously goes to cover the mark as unease bites at me. 'Unusual is right. Getting whipped was not how'd you picture getting a scar.' The thought results in an unbidden shiver down my body. 'Times like these makes me glad he doesn't remember anything. It was a burden he carried for a long time and is in part what affected the intimate side of our relationship.' I recall heavily.
"So it is." I mutter back and push past him when it doesn't seem he's going to move any time soon.
"I'm starting to realise a lot must've happened between us. Not just that we were married and have a kid." The Air Nomad breathes quietly. I freeze for a moment before moving towards the staircase.
"Considering how long we knew each other for, is that really a surprise?" I voice softly and I don't give him the chance to respond as I swiftly ascend up the stairs. I take longer than I should've changing as the dread from the upcoming conversation churns through me.
When I pass a nearby mirror, I eye my neckline, relieved to see that the scar is pretty much hidden as long as I don't bend down or stretch. 'While it doesn't bother me like it used to, what does bother me is people's attention to it. At work, we have to wear scrubs which usually has a low v neck, so there's no hiding it unless I wear a shirt underneath which is what I've opted to do for the last several years. But times like this, it just reminds me that it's still painfully obvious and visible to others if I don't pick the right clothes to hide it.'
I massage my forehead and give my back to the mirror. 'Time to see what my ex-husband wants to say.' I decide anxiously as I descend down the stairs. The Airbender is standing lost in thought by an old photo frame of Yun and his daughter. I quirk my eyebrow and draw nearer to him just as he exhales softly.
"Why didn't you tell me?" The Air Nomad asks as he turns around to face me. I blink and stop a metre away from him.
"I told you, you had lost your..." I start, but he doesn't let me finish.
"That isn't enough of a reason for you not to at least tell me. You said you found out you were pregnant a couple of weeks after I lost my memories. You were pregnant for 9 months. You could've at least sent me a letter or something." My ex-husband utters logically as his eyes crinkle with disappointment at me. My lips part and I find myself looking away.
"I didn't even know where you were when I found out. I know your job as the Avatar means you travel a lot and it's not like I could ask one of the council members for your location." My argument is flimsy, even to my ears.
"And what about when I did return to the city? Are you saying you couldn't find me then?" The Air Nomad points out sharply and I cringe.
"No, I...I could've found you and told you. I've even seen you a handful of times over the years." I admit begrudgingly as I clasp my elbow. The man clenches his jaws as confliction arises in his eyes.
"Then why? Why didn't you want me to know?" My ex-husband presses as he takes a step towards me. I shrink back reflexively and he stops. Another question arises in his grey orbs, but he refrains from voicing it.
"I...felt you were better off not knowing." I mumble. The silence that follows is so deafening that I find myself rambling to fill it. "You didn't know me, it would've been awkward, your job is dangerous, you travel a lot..." My words come out as a jumbled mess and I only stop when the Airbender lift his hand up in front of him.
"You're lying." His words hit me like a punch to the gut. When I don't respond, he repeats himself. "You're lying and making excuses. Tell me why you really didn't want me to know." The Air Nomad utters seriously as he drops his hand to gaze at me steadily.
My fingers dig into my elbow as I tighten my grip around the joint. 'The irony. I was fed up of him for always lying and here I am doing exactly the same thing. I hate it.' The spark of self-loathing is quickly replaced however with thoughts of how to answer him. I shift back until I'm leaning against a wall.
My eyes draw away from his until I'm looking off somewhere to the side. The first thing that lands in my line of sight is the photo that the Airbender was looking at earlier. Yun. His daughter. And his deceased wife. One happy family. Before she died of course. 'Yatsu never had that luxury. I deprived him of it. He never knew what it was like to have a complete family.' I chew my lip in thought.
"I told you that our relationship became complicated. Too many things got in the way and fractured what we had. I...I was worried if I sought you out, then your memories would return, so I kept away." I confess with a sigh.
"What memories did I have that you so badly want for them to stay hidden?" My ex-husband asks in confusion as he moves into my line of sight.
I can't help it, a sharp bark of bitter laughter rips out of my throat. 'What memories did I not want him to remember indeed. He had a lot of baggage from even before I met him. Couple that with all the things we went through? It just feels like there were hardly any positive memories leftover.' I think bitterly as the Air Nomad stares at me with a troubled expression on his face.
"Katara?" He probes cautiously and I drop my head.
"Sorry, I just...honestly, I raised Yatsu by myself just so that you wouldn't uncover those memories. It feels redundant of you to ask me what they are now." I explain sourly, only for the Air Nomad to part his lips, speechless.
"Are they...that bad?" The man whispers with frightened eyes and I swallow, hating myself for revealing more than I should've. Hating that I'm downplaying the better times we spent together. I take a deep breath through my nostrils before replying.
"Do you need the answer to that question?" I respond with a question of my own which takes the Avatar by surprise as he scratches the back of his head.
"I prefer knowing than not." The Air Nomad utters decisively and suddenly I find it too hard to be around him. 'I saw firsthand how his past traumatized him. His blood phobia. Those nightmares. His withdrawal. An absent smile. That level of grief. All that guilt. Those panic attacks. An accumulation of PTSD. Uncontrolled use of the Avatar State. His tears. His self-harm. Those white scars. His...suicidal ideation.'
I spin on my heels and give him my back as I screw my eyes tightly closed. 'I hate that I lost him. I hate that we couldn't rebuild what we had. I hate that he can't remember me and all the moments we shared. I hate that I had to go through the pregnancy, labour and raising a child all alone. I hated all of it. But...seeing him suffer was the one thing I hated the most.' I repeat in my head until it becomes a mantra.
"Katara? Hey." His voice is gentle as I feel light hands holding my forearms, shocking me out of my thoughts. I blink and re-open my eyes to find him looming over me with concern etched into his features. I push back the thoughts of the past with a swallow.
"I'm sorry, but I can't help you with that." I mutter. 'I was so close to telling him that his lost memories are a blessing in disguise. But he's smart, if I told him that he'd work out that his past was difficult and go digging for information. I didn't go through what I did, for him to return to his unhappy state again after all this time.' I convince myself as the Airbender keeps a hold of my arms as he tries to catch my wavering gaze.
"I see. You know...the more time I spend with you, the more I want to know everything." The Airbender murmurs as his features soften slightly and I find myself stiffening. 'Shoot, that's what I was afraid of.' I think as a flash of panic crosses my eyes. I pull away from him until there's enough distance between us for me to breathe normally.
"Be careful, you don't want to make Jin jealous." I mutter bitterly and for a moment it almost seemed like the man forgot who that was before he blinks and gives me a bashful smile.
"I wouldn't dream of doing that." The Air Nomad replies smoothly, as if the thought was completely foreign to him and with a sinking feeling I realise it's because they've developed their relationship to the point that they trust each other so easily and completely. I swallow the sudden lump that appears in my throat and look away.
"That's...good." My voice falters, but the Air Nomad doesn't notice as he goes to rest his backbone against the arm rest of the sofa while crossing his arms.
"I'm assuming you haven't told Yatsu yet." My ex-husband deduces simply. I purse my lips and shake my head.
"I haven't." I confirm and watch as he chews his lip for a moment in thought.
"I'm getting the impression you don't intend to." The Airbender observes as his features harden once more. I can't maintain our eye contact and drop my gaze.
"What would I tell him? That you're his Dad? That you suspiciously lost your memories one day?" I point out bluntly, but the Air Nomad shakes his head.
"I still want him to know. It's obvious he wants a Dad and he has one. Why deprive him of that when I'm right here?" My ex-husband insists firmly and I find myself at a loss on what to say.
"How...how will you even manage a kid? You travel all the time. And surely Jin will feel uncomfortable knowing you have a son with someone else." I say as I finally raise my eyes to meet his, but he shrugs easily.
"I already told her. She was shocked, but was excited too. More excited than me if I'm being honest. She wants to meet him actually." The Airbender reveals and my stomach twists at hearing how easy-going she is. 'No wonder why they get along so well. They're just so similar.' I realise numbly as I go to hold my bicep. "And...I don't intend to take him away from you if that's what you're worried about." The Air Nomad voices quietly as he gazes at me steadily. My breathing catches and I have to clench my jaws to stop me saying something I shouldn't.
"So, what do you want? Drop by and see him anytime you're free? That's what Sok...my family does already. I don't want Yatsu getting his hopes up only for them to be dashed when you aren't around half the time." I voice fiercely as I fold my arms across my chest. 'Best I avoid mentioning my Dad or Sokka. The last thing I want is for them spilling things they shouldn't.' I think with a grimace. The man is taken aback as his jaws slacken.
"I suppose I won't be around as much as I should be, but that's better than not having been around at all." They Avatar argues with a pointed glower. I inhale sharply at the jab and clench my hand.
"Fine. I'm picking Yatsu in an hour. You can talk to him then." I fire back and move to get away from him, but he's fast. Quicker than lightning he appears in front of me, blocking my only exit.
"Why are you so mad? Do you prefer if I wasn't in his life?" The Air Nomad demands with furrowed eyebrows. My lips tinge white from how hard I'm pressing them together.
"You haven't been in his life at all. It just feels like you're coming in now when it's easier, but you missed all the hard parts." I retort, but his eyes flash with frustration.
"That's because you never told me!" The Airbender retorts loudly as irritation is painted clearly across his face. I bite the inside of my cheek as something pricks the back of my eyes. 'That's because I wanted you to be happy. I never wanted to do this alone. But I can't tell him that.' I swallow.
"Just...make sure you don't disappoint him." I mutter with the intention of trying to move past him, but he stretches out his arm to rest his palm against the wall, blocking my way again.
"You know what confuses me? If we were arguing this much back then, how did we even decide to have a child." My ex-husband snaps and my breathing hitches.
His words are like a knife in my chest and I have to bite my lip hard to stop them from trembling. The man notices the change in my demeanour and instantly drops his arm as his eyes crinkle with concern.
"Katara?" The Airbender probes cautiously with an outstretched hand, but it never reaches me and just remains in mid-air. "Oh." He breathes out as his eyes widen. His hand drops a moment later. "We...it wasn't planned." My ex-husband echoes numbly in realisation. I bite my lip.
"No, it...wasn't. A child was the furthest thing from our minds." I admit with averted eyes. 'We were already on the verge of getting a divorce.' I think dryly and when I flicker my eyes up, I find the Air Nomad raising a hand to his forehead as he leans back slightly.
"So...Yatsu was a complete accident? You weren't on contraception?" The Avatar reiterates back in a daze. I wince at how candid he's being about something so private. Doctor or not, talking about this...feels uncomfortable, especially when the man can't even remember anything.
"I wasn't. I told you our relationship was pretty much in tatters. We weren't..." I trail off as I try to select my wording. "... intimacy wasn't something we did much." I confess as embarrassment creeps into my face. Whether the Airbender is oblivious or his curiosity is greater than his embarrassment I don't know, but he refuses to let up on his questioning.
"So...when you found out you were pregnant..." My ex-husband trails off uselessly as his eyes become helpless. I sigh and lean back against the wall behind me with crossed arms.
"Devastated was putting it mildly. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to have kids. Desperately actually. But when you lost your memories and I realised I had to go through it all alone, it was...a bit much." I mumble as I run a hand through my hair in an attempt to distract myself from the Airbender's steely gaze.
"Why did you keep him then? He's the child of someone you didn't even like. You could've had kids with someone you loved, like Yun." My ex-husband whispers, his face is strained as he speaks and I find myself jerking forward in protest at his words.
"I loved you! I wanted kids with you!" I fire back sharply as my eyes flash angrily. "Yatsu wasn't the mistake like you're implying. It just...wasn't the right time." I add stiffly. My anger dissipates however, as soon as I see the shocked expression on his face. 'Shoot. I said too much.' I think worriedly as I pinch the bridge of my nose. "I need to go and pick the kids up. Come if you like. Or don't. I'm not going to stop you either way." I mumble as I push myself off the wall.
"Would...if we both weren't involved with someone, do you think you would've..." The Airbender stutters and I feel my whole body going cold at his implicit suggestion. I whip my head towards him and scowl.
"Don't even try asking that." I hiss venomously and he immediately backs off. "You can be Yatsu's Dad if you want, but that's it. We aren't married anymore. We aren't friends and we're barely acquaintances. You're just my son's father. I talk with you because of him alone." I utter so fiercely that the Airbender audibly gulps and moves to one side.
"Right. Of course." My ex-husband mutters as he kicks the ground and digs his hands in his pockets. I eye him wearily, holding in my sigh as I move around him and pick up my car keys.
"Are you coming or do you want to reschedule for another day?" I grumble and after a pause he gives me the barest of nods.
"Yeah, I'm coming." The Air Nomad replies quietly. I spin on my heels and make my way to the car, relieved to finally have put a lid on that conversation. At least for now.
A/N: Dun Dun Dun! Well, was it what you guys had hoped and imagined? I hope the reveal lived up to your expectations. I had a ton of fun writing it and tried to inject as much feels as I could. Aang isn't what we call an angry person, so I don't intend to drag it out for long, but it is something that will sit at the back of his mind and make him unhappy, as any secret reveal like this would. I can't remember what the next chapter is about, was a while since I wrote it, but I think we can all guess what's going to happen haha. Next chapter might be the weekends and if not, it will be the following weekend.
Thought it would be fun for me to pick one line that I liked writing the most in each chapter. This chapter is a hard one, because there's a few I liked writing, but I'll pick this one:
"Seeing him suffer was the one thing I hated the most."
If you guys had a favourite line, feel free to share. Anyway, until next time! And I apologise in advance if my updating is slightly a bit more sporadic, still aiming for weekly to fortnightly updates tho!
13/8/24