Chapter Twenty-Seven

27/09/2019. 06:45 hours. FBI Offices, Quantico, Virginia.

Emily groaned in exasperation. It was far too early in the morning to be traversing the corridors of the sixth floor. She knew Spencer was due back from his medical leave in the coming weeks and she needed to prepare for his return to work interview. The coffee in the take out cup that she cradled in her hand was taunting her with its warmth and bitter scent. She pushed open the glass doors to the bullpen, relieved to see it devoid of any agents. As her dark eyes scanned the empty desks, she noticed a familiar blazer draped over the back of a swivel chair and tan leather satchel on the desk. Emily glanced over at the break room, expecting to see the genius pouring himself a sickly sweet concoction, though was admittedly taken by surprise when he was not there. It was reminiscent of their fall out over a year previous. With another sigh, Emily turned on her heel and made her way back out of the bullpen and down to the academy gym.

Emily could hear the pained grunts and thumping noises before she even reached the door. She pulled down the cold, steel door handle as quietly as possible and pushed the door open. She was taken aback by the sight that greeted her. Spencer was bare-chested and he wore navy FBI-issue sweatpants that sat just above his hip bones. He had wrapped his hands with bandages. His hair hung over his shoulders in damp curls. The muscles in his back rippled with each punch that landed on the sparring dummy. Emily noticed the long thin scars that criss-crossed over Spencer's back, some faded into a pale pink, some still very red and angry.

"Reid?" Spencer glanced over his shoulder, curls bouncing against his chiselled cheek, to see Emily in the doorway, clutching her coffee as though her life depended on it. Spencer turned fully to face her and brushed the beads of sweat away from his forehead with the back of his hand. The scar on his abdomen was still raw, as was the crude heart carved into his chest. The bruising around his neck had faded into shades of yellow and green. His jaw was unshaven.

"Emily? What are you doing here?" asked Spencer, his hands on his hips.

"I just came in and saw your stuff at your desk. I figured there could only be three places that you would be, and you weren't making your coffee flavoured syrup." Spencer gave a stiff, humourless laugh. Emily tilted her head and considered the young man in front of her. "Are you okay, Spencer?" Spencer shrugged nonchalantly.

"Fine. Why wouldn't I be?" Spencer turned back to the dummy and began throwing punches at it again, grunting as his knuckles connected with the hard rubber.

"Spence, you only do this when you're angry. Please, talk to me." Spencer visibly tensed, his hands balled into fists at his sides. His back heaved as he visibly tried to take control of his breathing and his anger.

"Please, don't…" pressed out Spencer in a low voice.

"Reid, you have every right to be angry. Everything you've been through…"

"Emily, please stop."

"I just want you to talk to us. Talk to me." Spencer slowly spun on his heel, his hand clutching the scar on his abdomen, tears glistening in his eyes. His knuckles were grazed and bloody. He pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes and twirled back to the dummy, clenching his hands back into fists and throwing harder and harder blows against the rubber. Blood smeared the dummy from each punch. Emily silently slipped her cell phone from her jacket pocket.

Prentiss: Dave? I need you to bring Matt and Luke to the gym ASAP. Need help with Reid.

Rossi: What's going on? Be there soon.

Prentiss: He's angry. Extremely volatile. Bring cuffs, leg restraints and a first aid kit.

There was a very audible crunch of Spencer's knuckles shattering beneath his skin. He released an agonised scream, though continued to vent his anger on the dummy. Emily watched in despair. She could talk down UnSubs until kingdom come, but trying to talk down her friend was impossible. In the time that he had been on leave, he had carefully reconstructed the emotional walls around him, as if he was afraid to let anyone in.

"Spencer? Please?" tried Emily. Her words were lost in the wet, tearful screams of pain. She turned to glance over her shoulder at the sight of David being closely flanked by Luke and Matt. Matt had a set of leg straps clenched tightly in his hands. Emily nodded at them to enter. Each thud against the sparring dummy was followed by a tortured scream. Matt and Luke crept up to Spencer.

"Reid? It's Luke. Come on, man. Let's talk." Spencer was too lost in his turmoil to hear anything and it was heartbreaking for the agents to have to restrain their friend and brother to bring him back. Luke wrapped his arms around Spencer's upper arms, wrenching his shoulders back. Spencer wailed and kicked out frantically as he was dragged backwards. Emily indicated to the nearby support pole with a jab of her finger from around her coffee cup. David handed over the first aid kit to Emily and joined the pair to help them bring their genius down to the ground. Luke set Spencer down on the mat holding his arms around the pole. Matt somehow managed to dodge Spencer's flailing legs. David slipped his handcuffs out from the holder on his belt and clicked them firmly around Spencer's wrists behind the pole. Luke moved around to Spencer's front to attempt to restrain his legs, only for his shoulder to be met with a well-aimed kick. Spencer was blinded by his rage, his face crimson, vein bulging in his forehead. Blood dripped steadily from his mangled hand onto the floor behind him as he struggled against the cuffs. David and Luke each held down one leg as Matt worked quickly to wrap the leg straps around Spencer's knees and ankles to bind them together. Spencer released a heart-wrenching scream as he pulled painfully against his restraints. Emily knelt down on the ground beside him and gently palmed his cheek to turn his face towards her. His cheeks were blotchy and soaked with tears.

"Spencer? This is for your own good while we get you cleaned up. I just want you to listen to us first. We know you're angry, and we get it. Really, we do. It's okay to not be okay, Spence. We're all here for you. Hurting yourself won't take the pain away." Spencer opened his mouth to speak. Emily set her cup down and clamped her free palm over his mouth. "No. Shh and listen. You know that inflicting physical pain on yourself won't fix the emotional pain. You know the biology and chemistry behind emotions and physical pain. Stop shutting us out. I know you're embarrassed about everything that's happened recently. You have every right to be. You aren't alone in this. You weren't alone in prison, and you aren't now. Let us in. Please." Spencer stilled, glazed eyes fixed on Emily. His hot breaths misted over the back of Emily's hand from his nose. He appeared to be truly contemplating her words. His hands fidgeted behind him, pain flaring through his wrists and fingers.

"Dave is going to clean your hand, okay? You're staying like this until we're done, and then we're taking you back to Dave's to rest. You're not ready to come back to work." Spencer nodded beneath Emily's palm. Emily removed her hand from his mouth.

Spencer's bottom lip quivered, fresh tears filling his eyes. David popped open the first aid kit behind Spencer and opened the bottle of harsh-smelling antiseptic. Spencer turned his gaze to his bound legs, debating what he had done in his current or past life to make the universe hate him so much, constantly dealing him one bad hand after another. He grimaced, biting back a groan at the fire spreading through his hand and arm as David carefully and gently cleaned his bloodied knuckles. David winced at the sight of the swollen, blackened skin.

"I think you've smashed your knuckles, kiddo," sighed David as he set down the blood-stained gauze he had been using to clean Spencer's hand and reached for a roll of bandage. He wound it expertly around his hand and fingers, layering it to ensure it was well padded. Spencer lifted his head to look Emily in the eye.

"Emily? I want you to keep me in the cuffs. I don't feel like I can keep myself safe." Spencer's voice was small and frail, still trembling with the swell of emotions still raging within him. Emily's mouth gaped.

"Spence, are you sure?" Spencer nodded softly, hair falling over his face.

"I'll just cause myself more pain. Perhaps worse." For once, the genius was being painfully honest.

"Alright. If you're sure. You just tell us the minute you want them off, okay?" Spencer nodded again. Luke went to retrieve Spencer's navy blue button up from the locker room whilst Matt unbuckled the straps from around Spencer's legs.

"I'll text JJ and ask her to fetch your bag and jacket down," said Emily, easing herself up to her feet and quickly typing out a text message.

Luke exited the locker room with Spencer's shirt in his hands when he met with a frantic JJ carrying a black blazer and the genius' beloved satchel. Her blue eyes were wide with concern on the shirt, then trailed up to Luke's anguished face.

"Luke? What's going on?" asked JJ, her voice quivering.

"Reid's not good. He's restrained in the gym right now. We're going to get him dressed and get him to Rossi's." JJ pressed a hand to her mouth to stifle a gasp. The pair walked in silence back to the gym where David had unlocked the cuffs to stand Spencer up. Spencer had an arm draped around Matt's shoulders to keep him upright. Luke handed the shirt to Spencer who slipped it on over his throbbing arms. He fumbled to fasten the buttons, hindered by his rapidly swelling fingers. Emily took over buttoning his shirt for him. Once done, Emily cradled his right hand in hers and closed the cuff around his wrist once again.

"Behind me. Please." Every heart was shattered at the sheer dejection in their genius' voice. Emily swallowed the growing lump in her throat as she moved behind him and pulled his hands behind his back, cuffing them together. JJ reached up and draped his blazer over his shoulders to hide his chained wrists. Spencer hiccupped, fresh tears streaking his face. He looked at each of the faces in turn and his lips parted to speak.

"I…. I'm sorry." David curled an arm around Spencer's torso, pulling him in close and led him out of the fire exit towards the parking lot. Spencer's head was bowed in shame. Matt understood the silent nod from Emily to drive the pair home so that David could focus his attention on Spencer. The remaining trio worked in tandem to clean the blood off the dummy and the floor.

27/09/2019. 07:42 hours. In an SUV on route to David Rossi's House, Virginia.

Spencer stared blankly and numbly out of the window at the passing cars and people, each blurring into a headache-inducing flurry of colours. David watched the young man in concern. His features were much more gaunt than ever before and his once bright eyes were hollow and haunted. Spencer fidgeted slightly in his sight to try and make himself more comfortable with his hands cuffed behind his back. David rested a hand on Spencer's anxiously bobbing knee. Spencer turned his attention to David's hand and then up at the older man's face. David looked weary, as though he had aged ten years in a short space of time.

"How about some Carbonara a la Rossi tonight? We could have a glass of red wine and talk." Spencer averted his gaze but nodded in response.

"Ethanol is a central nervous system depressant decreasing the electrical activity of neurons in the brain. Short term effects of ethanol use include relaxation, decreased social inhibition and euphoria. It is, however, psychoactive and dependence-producing. Given my substance use history, I'd rather not consume anything that I could become dependent on," rambled Spencer. David quirked a greying eyebrow at him.

"I'll drink red wine and you'll drink some grape juice and pretend it's red wine." Spencer's top lip curled slightly in amusement and he rested his head back against the seat. He turned his head slightly where it rested to look at David. The older agent instantly recognised the blank, glazed stare.

"Spencer?" Spencer did not respond. His lips parted slightly as though he was going to answer. Blood trickled out of his nose and down over his lips. His eyes blinked rapidly and his limbs contracted. David unbuckled the seat belt and dragged Spencer down by his shirt so that he lay across the seats with his head in David's lap. He carded his fingers through Spencer's hair as his head rocked in place, grunts leaving the young agent's throat. His wrists twisted rhythmically in the cuffs and his knees scuffed against the seat. Matt glanced into the rear view mirror.

"Everything okay back there?" asked Matt.

"He's having a seizure. It's not a bad one." No sooner had the seizure begun, Spencer's eyes fluttered shut and his breaths evened out. "It's over. It was only about a minute."

"We're about five minutes out. I'll stick around to get him settled and then leave you two to it."

"Appreciate it, Matt. I think I can get him to open up when it's just the two of us. I hadn't even noticed that he had snuck out this morning. It sounds awful, but I hope today has given him a shock to the system."

"It's been a long time coming."

"Yeah. It has. But the kid needs to see that he doesn't need to keep fighting alone. He has a support network around him stronger than any defensive walls he can put up himself. He just needs to open his eyes and see it." David glanced back down at Spencer's sleeping form, his fingers gently twirling the deep brown curls. Spencer had spent far too much of his childhood without a father and having to take care of himself and his mother. He had looked up to Jason Gideon as a father, and he abandoned Spencer too. The prospect of being cared for was alien to him. David was determined that he would be the father figure that Spencer truly needed.