AN: I'm back with another update. I've been writing every day. That was how I was when I first started writing fanfic, LOL. I just couldn't get enough of it. If you are like me and in Florida, please be safe with this hurricane coming.
Flashback Melbourne 1998 ~ The Second Time
The dim light of Olivia's bedroom was just enough to cast long shadows on the walls, the room filled with the quiet hum of the city outside. The small clock on her nightstand ticked away the seconds, but neither of them cared about the passing time. Fitz stood in front of her, his lips curved in a nervous but eager smile, and Olivia felt the same fluttering in her chest she'd felt the first time. But this time was different.
Maya was still out of town, and the house was theirs for the weekend. There was no fear of being caught, no rushed whispers or stolen moments. Tonight, it was just them, and for once, they didn't have to worry about the world outside.
Olivia's heart raced as she reached for Fitz's hand, pulling him toward the bed. Her fingers trembled slightly, but not with fear. This time, she knew what was coming, and the anticipation sent a thrill through her body.
"You nervous?" Fitz asked, his voice low, almost teasing as his hands found their way to her waist, pulling her closer.
"A little," Olivia admitted, biting her lower lip as she smiled up at him. "But not like the first time."
He leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to her lips, his hands running up her sides, feeling the warmth of her skin through the thin fabric of her dress. "Me neither," he whispered, his breath hot against her mouth. "But I want this. I want you."
Olivia shivered at his words, her body responding to the heat in his gaze. She wanted this too, more than she could express in words. She had thought about this moment all day, her mind replaying the first time they'd made love, the way it had felt both awkward and amazing all at once. But this time, she was ready—ready to feel him, to take her time, to let herself explore the depths of her desire.
Without another word, she pulled him down onto the bed, their bodies falling together in a tangle of limbs and breathless laughter. Fitz hovered over her for a moment, his lips tracing a slow, deliberate path from her mouth to her neck, where he kissed the sensitive skin just below her ear. Olivia moaned softly, her hands gripping the hem of his shirt, tugging it upward until he pulled away long enough to take it off.
His bare chest gleamed in the faint light, and Olivia's breath caught in her throat as she ran her fingers over the firm muscles, marveling at how much he had grown, how much he had changed since they first met. But it wasn't just his body that made her heart race—it was the way he looked at her, the way his eyes seemed to drink her in as if she were the only thing in the world that mattered.
"I love you," she whispered, her voice trembling slightly as she pushed herself up on her elbows, bringing her face close to his. "You know that, right?"
Fitz smiled a soft, almost shy smile that made her heart flutter. "I know," he murmured, pressing his lips to hers in a kiss that was deeper, more intense than any they'd shared before. "I love you too, Livvie. More than anything."
They kissed slowly, exploring each other's mouths with a tenderness that made Olivia's head spin. Fitz's hands wandered down her sides, finding the zipper of her dress and slowly tugging it down until the fabric fell away, revealing her bare skin underneath. Olivia gasped as the cool air kissed her skin, but the heat of Fitz's touch quickly chased away any chill.
He kissed his way down her body, taking his time as his lips trailed over the curve of her breasts, the softness of her stomach, the tender skin just above her hips. Olivia's breath hitched as he paused, his eyes meeting hers, asking for permission without words. She nodded, her body aching for him, for the way he made her feel.
Fitz's hands slid beneath the waistband of her panties, tugging them down and discarding them to the side. He hovered above her for a moment, his eyes roaming her body as if memorizing every curve, every freckle, every inch of skin.
"You're beautiful," he whispered, his voice rough with emotion. "So fucking beautiful."
Olivia blushed under his gaze, but she didn't feel shy. Not with him. She reached up, pulling him down to her, their bodies pressing together, skin to skin. The heat between them was electric, their breaths mingling as their hands explored each other's bodies with more confidence, more urgency than the first time.
Fitz's fingers slid between her legs, teasing her gently, and Olivia gasped, arching her back as pleasure shot through her. He watched her closely, his fingers moving in slow, deliberate circles that had her biting her lip to keep from crying out.
"Fitz," she whispered, her voice breathless, her hands clutching at his shoulders. "I want you. Now."
He didn't hesitate. Reaching for the condom they had set aside earlier, he tore it open with shaking hands, his breath coming in short, uneven bursts. Olivia watched him, her heart racing as she spread her legs wider, welcoming him into her body.
This time, when Fitz entered her, it wasn't tentative or unsure. This time, he moved with purpose, with a confidence that sent a shiver down Olivia's spine. She wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him deeper, her hands gripping the sheets as he began to move inside her, their bodies finding a rhythm that felt natural, effortless.
The room filled with the sound of their heavy breathing, the soft moans escaping Olivia's lips as Fitz thrust into her, each movement sending waves of pleasure crashing through her body. She dug her nails into his back, her head falling back against the pillow as she surrendered to the intensity of it all, the feeling of him filling her completely.
Fitz groaned as her hips met his, her body arching beneath him in a way that drove him wild. He kissed her neck, her collarbone, her breasts, tasting every inch of her as he moved faster, their bodies slick with sweat, their hearts pounding in unison.
"Livvie," he whispered against her skin, his voice strained with the effort of holding back. "I'm so close."
Olivia's hands tightened around his shoulders, her own body trembling as she felt the familiar tightening low in her belly, the telltale sign that she was close too. "Me too," she gasped, her nails digging into his skin. "Don't stop."
Fitz's movements became more erratic, his breath coming in short, ragged gasps as he thrust into her with more urgency, more need. Olivia cried out, her body tensing as the waves of pleasure finally crashed over her, sending her spiraling into bliss. She clung to Fitz, her legs tightening around his waist as he followed her over the edge, his body shuddering as he came, groaning her name against her skin.
They stayed like that for a moment, their bodies pressed together, their breaths mingling in the quiet aftermath. Fitz slowly pulled away, collapsing beside her on the bed, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath.
Olivia rolled onto her side, her hand resting on his chest as she looked at him, a soft smile playing on her lips. "That was… amazing," she whispered, her heart still racing.
Fitz turned his head to look at her, his eyes filled with warmth and love. "You're amazing," he said, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. "I can't believe how lucky I am."
They lay in comfortable silence for a while, their bodies entwined as they basked in the afterglow. Olivia felt a deep sense of contentment settle over her, a feeling of rightness that she hadn't experienced in a long time. With Fitz, everything felt perfect, like the world outside didn't matter as long as they had each other.
"I wish we could stay like this forever," Olivia murmured, resting her head on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart.
Fitz pressed a kiss to the top of her head, his arms tightening around her. "Me too, Livvie. Me too."
London 2008
Olivia lay in bed, staring blankly at the ceiling, the weight of the last few days pressing down on her chest like a stone. Her phone buzzed again on the nightstand, the screen lighting up with Fitz's name. She closed her eyes, willing the sound to stop. She couldn't talk to him right now—not with everything she was feeling, not with the truth about her mother's betrayal still fresh and raw in her mind.
The buzzing stopped, but Olivia knew it wouldn't be the last time. Fitz had been trying to reach her since they reconnected, and part of her had wanted to pick up, had wanted to feel the warmth of his voice wash over her again. But every time she thought of him, of what they'd once had, shame and sadness crept in.
Her mother's revelation had shattered the fragile hope she'd been holding onto since their reunion at the airport. It wasn't just the lost letters that hurt; it was the realization that her life, the one she had built, the one she had convinced herself was right, was not entirely her own. Fitz had written to her and had tried to stay connected, but it was Maya who had severed that bond, keeping her tied to a path Olivia hadn't truly chosen.
And now Fitz had a son, a beautiful little boy who looked so much like him. Olivia couldn't stop thinking about it. What would they even talk about? How could she step into his life when her own felt so empty and directionless? She had spent years chasing success, trying to live up to her mother's expectations, only to find herself feeling hollow and unfulfilled. Meanwhile, Fitz had moved on and had built a life, even if it wasn't with her. The idea of hearing his voice, knowing that they had been kept apart because of her mother's choices, filled her with a sadness so deep she couldn't see a way out.
Her phone buzzed again. She glanced at it, seeing another missed call from Fitz and a text that followed shortly after:
Fitz: "Hey Livvie, just checking in. I hope you're okay. Call me when you can."
She stared at the screen, her heart aching at the sight of his familiar words. Livvie. He had always called her that. She wanted to respond, to let him know she was okay, but she couldn't. The truth was, she wasn't okay—not even close.
The guilt and shame gnawed at her insides, twisting her stomach into knots. She couldn't shake the image of the life they might have had if her mother hadn't interfered. They could have stayed together, gone to college as planned, and built a future that was theirs. But instead, they had been torn apart, and now Fitz had a life of his own—one that didn't include her.
Olivia threw the covers off and sat up, her head pounding from the emotional weight of it all. She needed to escape, to get out of her own head, to run away from the suffocating reality that felt like it was closing in on her. She couldn't face Fitz, not now. Not when everything she had ever wanted felt like it had slipped through her fingers.
She stood up, pacing the room as her mind raced. Her apartment felt like a prison, the walls too close, the silence too loud. Her heart was pounding, her thoughts spiraling into a frantic mess of regret, anger, and sadness. She needed to get out, needed to feel something other than this overwhelming sense of loss and failure.
Grabbing her coat and keys, Olivia left her apartment without a second thought. The cool London air hit her face as she stepped outside, but it did little to calm the storm inside her. She walked aimlessly, her feet carrying her through the streets without a destination in mind. The city buzzed around her, the noise and movement contrasting sharply with the turmoil in her heart.
She passed cafes, shops, and people going about their lives, but it all felt distant like she was watching from behind a glass wall. She felt disconnected, not just from the world around her but from herself. She wasn't sure who she was anymore—if she had ever truly known.
Eventually, she found herself at the edge of the Thames, staring out at the dark water as it flowed steadily past. She leaned against the railing, her hands gripping the cold metal as she let the tears she had been holding back finally fall.
For so long, she had pushed down her feelings, convinced herself that she was fine, that she was successful, that she had made the right choices. But now, with the truth laid bare, all she felt was anger and grief. Anger at her mother for controlling her life, for taking away her choices. And grief for the life she could have had—for the love she had lost, for the future that had been stolen from her.
Her phone buzzed again in her pocket, and she knew without looking that it was Fitz. She ignored it, her heart aching as she stared at the river. What could she possibly say to him? That she had loved him, still loved him, but that her mother had ruined everything? That she felt too broken, too ashamed to face him now?
A sob escaped her lips as she pressed a hand to her mouth, trying to stifle the sound. She didn't know how to fix any of this, didn't know how to move forward. All she knew was that she needed to escape—from Fitz, from her mother, from herself.
She wiped at her tears, her breath coming in shaky gasps as she tried to pull herself together. She had spent her whole life running—from her emotions, from the truth, from her own desires. But now, standing here alone by the river, she realized she couldn't run anymore. She couldn't keep ignoring the pain, couldn't keep pretending that everything was fine when it clearly wasn't.
She needed to confront it all—the anger, the shame, the regret. She needed to confront her mother, to tell her how deeply she had hurt her. And maybe, just maybe, she needed to confront Fitz. To tell him the truth, to let him know that she hadn't forgotten him, that she still cared. But right now, the weight of everything felt too heavy, too overwhelming.
The only thing she could do now was escape—to find some way to breathe, to find some space where she didn't have to face the pain she was drowning in.
As she stared out at the water, Olivia made a silent vow to herself: she would figure it out, somehow. But tonight, she needed to run. And so she did.
Houston 2008
Fitz sat at the kitchen table, his fingers drumming lightly on the wood as he stared at his phone. For the third time today, he had called Olivia, and for the third time, she hadn't picked up. A gnawing sense of confusion and unease settled in his chest. Ever since they'd reconnected at the airport, he hadn't been able to stop thinking about her, about the life they might have had. But now, it felt like she was slipping away again, and he couldn't understand why.
The familiar sound of his son's laughter brought him back to the present. Gabe was sitting at the kitchen counter, happily munching on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. His legs swung back and forth, his feet not quite reaching the ground. Fitz watched him for a moment, a small smile tugging at his lips. Gabe was his world, his anchor. No matter how chaotic things got, being a father always centered him.
"Daddy, look!" Gabe giggled, holding up his sandwich, which had somehow been transformed into a shape that vaguely resembled a dinosaur.
Fitz grinned, pushing aside his worries about Olivia for the moment. "That's awesome, buddy. Is that a T-rex?"
Gabe nodded enthusiastically, his eyes shining with excitement. "Yep! It's going to eat all the peanut butter!"
Fitz chuckled, ruffling his son's hair. "You've got quite the imagination, kiddo."
As Gabe returned to his sandwich, Fitz's phone buzzed again, but it wasn't Olivia this time. His mother's name flashed on the screen, and he sighed, swiping to answer the call.
"Hey, Ma," he said, leaning back in his chair.
"Fitz, sweetheart, how are you?" His mother's warm voice greeted him on the other end of the line. There was always a sense of comfort in hearing her voice, a reminder of simpler times.
"I'm good, Ma. How are you?" Fitz replied, glancing over at Gabe, who was now busy arranging his sandwich crumbs into a mini construction site.
"I'm fine. Just checking in, you know me. I wanted to hear your voice," she said, pausing for a moment before adding, "I've been thinking about you lately, especially after what you told me last time. You ran into Olivia?"
Fitz's heart gave a small, familiar lurch at the sound of her name. "Yeah," he said, his voice softening. "I saw her at the airport when I was in New York for that conference."
There was a pause on the other end of the line before his mother spoke again, her voice tinged with sadness. "Olivia... I always thought she was going to be my daughter-in-law, you know?"
Fitz's chest tightened at her words. He'd thought the same thing once. "Yeah, Ma, I know."
"She was such a good girl, Fitz. Smart, kind, and the way she looked at you... I always knew she loved you," his mother continued, her voice thick with emotion. "It's sad how things turned out."
Fitz leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table as he ran a hand over his face. "It wasn't her fault, Ma. Life just… got in the way."
His mother sighed on the other end of the line. "Life, huh? You got with Mellie after all that. I know you've done right by Gabe, and I love that boy with all my heart, but I always wondered what might've happened if things had been different with Olivia."
Fitz stared down at his hands, the memories of Olivia flooding his mind. He had loved her—God, he had loved her so much. But when she moved away and their letters stopped, it felt like the world had pulled them apart. He'd thought she'd moved on, so he had to. Mellie had come into his life, and while their relationship hadn't been built on the same kind of love he had with Olivia, it had brought him his son. For that, he would always be grateful.
"I don't regret Gabe for a second," Fitz said, his voice low. "He's the best thing that ever happened to me."
"I know, sweetheart," his mother replied gently. "You're a good father. You always have been."
Fitz smiled, glancing over at Gabe, who was now attempting to build a tower out of his juice box. "I try."
His mother's voice softened again, a note of curiosity creeping in. "Fitz... are you still wearing your father's wedding ring?"
Fitz's gaze dropped to his left hand, where the plain gold band glinted faintly in the light. He hadn't taken it off since his father passed away. The weight of it had become familiar, almost a part of him.
"Yeah," he admitted after a pause. "I am."
There was silence on the other end of the line for a moment, and then his mother spoke again, her tone careful. "Do you ever wonder if you should take it off? I know it was a comfort after your father passed, but... I've always thought it was a sign of holding onto something you haven't let go of yet."
Fitz swallowed hard, the weight of her words sinking in. He had never really thought about it that way before. The ring had become more than just a memory of his father—it had become a symbol of the past, of things lost and never regained. Was he holding onto something that was keeping him from moving forward? From being open to whatever the future might hold?
"I don't know," he said honestly, his voice thick with uncertainty. "I guess I just never really thought about it like that."
His mother sighed softly. "You deserve to move forward, Fitz. Your father wouldn't want you to carry that weight forever. And I know it's not just about him, is it? It's about Olivia too."
Fitz closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the chair. "Yeah, maybe it is."
The truth was, he had never truly let go of Olivia. Even after all these years, she was still there, lingering in the back of his mind, a what-if that had haunted him for a decade. Seeing her again had stirred up all those old feelings, and now, with her not returning his calls, it felt like he was being pulled back into that same sense of loss all over again.
"Fitz, you can't change the past," his mother said gently. "But you can decide what you want your future to look like. You have a son to think about, and you deserve to find happiness too."
Fitz opened his eyes, his gaze drifting to Gabe, who had now moved on to playing with his toy cars. He smiled, despite the heaviness in his heart. His son was everything to him, the one constant in his life that had brought him joy and purpose.
"Yeah, I know," he murmured. "I just... I don't know what that future looks like right now."
His mother's voice was soft but firm. "You'll figure it out, Fitz. Just don't let the past keep you from living your life now. And if Olivia's part of that future... then maybe it's time to let her know how you feel, for real this time."
Fitz nodded, though he wasn't sure if his mother could hear it through the phone. He had no idea what the future held, but he knew one thing for certain: he couldn't keep living in the past. Whether Olivia answered his calls or not, he had to confront whatever feelings were left between them. He couldn't let another ten years slip by, wondering what might have been.
"I will, Ma," he finally said. "I'll figure it out."
"You always do," his mother replied, her voice filled with love and reassurance.
Fitz ended the call, placing his phone back on the table. As he watched Gabe play, he felt a strange mixture of hope and uncertainty settle in his chest. Whatever happened next, he knew one thing: he couldn't keep avoiding the truth. Not with Olivia, not with himself.
He looked down at the wedding ring on his finger, the one that had belonged to his father, and for the first time in years, he considered what it would mean to finally take it off.
Later that day, Fitz was absently flipping through some documents for work. Gabe was in the living room, engrossed in his cartoons, and the soft background noise was the only thing breaking the silence of the house. Fitz reached for his phone, checking it yet again, hoping for a message from Olivia. He sighed when nothing new appeared.
But then his laptop pinged—a notification for a new email. He didn't expect anything important, so he almost ignored it. But when he clicked on his inbox, his heart stuttered in his chest.
From: Olivia Pope.
Subject: I Need You to Read This.
His eyes widened in surprise. He hadn't given her his email—hadn't used that Yahoo address in years. But then again, it wasn't exactly a secret: first name, last name, at Yahoo. Of course, she could have easily guessed it.
With a pounding heart, he clicked the email open, his breath hitching when he saw the message. It wasn't just a simple "hello" or a quick update. It was long, and detailed, and attached were scanned copies of something he had never expected to see.
Olivia's Email:
Fitz,
I've been avoiding you, and I'm sorry for that. It's been hard for me to face the truth about why we drifted apart. Recently, I confronted my mother, and I discovered something that has shattered my understanding of what happened between us.
When I moved to London, I thought we'd lost touch naturally. I thought you'd moved on, and maybe you thought the same about me. But the truth is, my mother took the letters you wrote me. She hid them. All those letters that I never received, all those words we poured out to each other—they were kept from me.
I'm attaching copies of the letters I found in her possession. Please read them. I want you to know that I never stopped caring about you. I never forgot about you.
I need space right now to process everything, but I'll reach out when I'm ready. I'm so lost right now, and even though a part of me is glad you're back in my life, I don't know how to find myself again. I need time to figure it out.
Please give me that time.
Olivia.
Fitz's heart pounded as he scrolled down to the attached images of their letters. He swallowed hard as he opened the first one and instantly recognized his own handwriting. It was the first letter he had written to her after she left for London, the ink faded but the words were still clear.
Fitz's Letter (1998):
Livvie,
I don't know how to even start this letter because everything still feels so wrong without you here. It's been a week since you left, and every day feels harder than the last. I miss you so much it physically hurts sometimes. Seeing you walk through those airport doors was the hardest thing I've ever had to watch. I know we said we'd make it work, and I believe we can, but it feels like a part of me is missing without you here. Florida doesn't feel like home without you.
I keep thinking about the beach, our spot. I went there today, just to feel closer to you. But all I could think about was how empty it felt without you next to me. I miss your laugh. I miss your smile. I miss everything about you. I'm trying to stay strong, but it's hard, Livvie. I just want you back.
Please write back soon.
Love always,
Fitz.
Fitz closed his eyes, the words echoing in his mind. He remembered that day, sitting on the beach alone, writing that letter with a heart so full of pain he could hardly breathe. He had been so desperate to hear from her, to know she was okay, to feel that connection they'd promised to hold on to. But he never heard back.
With trembling hands, he opened Olivia's first letter to him. Her handwriting was unmistakable, the familiar loops and curves sending a wave of emotion crashing over him.
Olivia's Letter (1998):
Fitz,
I hate it here. London is cold and grey, and every day feels like I'm living in a nightmare. I miss Florida. I miss the warmth, the sunshine, the beach… but mostly, I miss you. I can't even put into words how much I hate being away from you. It feels like I'm drowning in this place, and no one here understands me. I want to come home, Fitz. I want to be with you.
I thought maybe I'd get used to it, but I can't. I can't pretend that this is okay. I miss the way you made everything better, the way you always knew how to make me laugh, how you knew me better than anyone. It hurts so much that I can't be with you. Every day feels like a struggle to get through without you.
I need you, Fitz. I hate this. I hate everything about this.
Please write back. I need to hear from you.
Love,
Livvie.
Fitz felt his chest tighten painfully as he read her words. She had felt the same way he did, lost and heartbroken, desperate to reach out. And yet, those letters had never reached him. All that time he had thought she had moved on, but she had been suffering just as much as he had. His mother's voice echoed in his mind: "You deserve to move forward, Fitz." But how could he move forward when the past was still so raw?
He continued to scroll through the letters, reading each one with growing anguish. Letter after letter, both of them pouring their hearts out to each other, trying to keep the love alive, but neither of them knew that their words had been intercepted.
And then he reached the last letter he had written—the one after his father had died.
Fitz's Final Letter (1998):
Olivia,
I don't know why you never wrote me, but I can't do this anymore. My father died, and I needed you. I needed you to be there for me, but you weren't. I thought we were in this together, but I guess I was wrong. I guess this distance has been too much for us.
It hurts more than I can say, but I think it's time we both move on. This… whatever this is… it's not working for me anymore.
I'll always love you, but I can't keep doing this. Goodbye, Livvie.
—Fitz.
Fitz remembered the pain he had felt writing that letter. He had been grieving, feeling utterly alone, and when Olivia hadn't responded, it had broken something inside him. He had called her after sending that letter, buying a calling card, needing to hear her voice one last time, needing closure. But instead of listening, he had ended things abruptly, not giving her a chance to explain.
Flashback – 1998:
Fitz sat on the edge of his bed, the phone pressed to his ear as he waited for Olivia to pick up. When she finally answered, her voice sounded tired, almost sad.
"Fitz?" she asked softly and just hearing her say his name sent a wave of emotions crashing over him.
"Livvie… I can't do this anymore," he said, his voice hoarse with pain.
There was a pause, and he could hear her inhale sharply on the other end. "What are you talking about?"
"This long-distance thing… it's too much. You haven't reached out, not even after my dad died. I needed you, and you weren't there."
"Fitz, I—"
"It's not working for me, Olivia," he cut her off, his chest tightening as he spoke the words. "I think we need to end this."
The silence on the other end of the line was deafening. Olivia didn't say a word, and Fitz didn't wait for her to. He hung up the phone, feeling a part of himself break.
Fitz opened his eyes, blinking back the sting of tears. He had never given her a chance to explain. He had let his pain and grief cloud his judgment, and now, looking back, he realized how much he had lost because of it.
He scrolled back to Olivia's email, re-reading the final lines.
"I need space right now to process everything, but I'll reach out when I'm ready. I'm so lost right now, and even though a part of me is glad you're back in my life, I don't know how to find myself again. I need time to figure it out."
Fitz felt his heart crumble once again. Olivia was lost, just like he was, and she needed time to find her way. He understood that—he respected it—but it didn't make the pain any easier to bear. He had waited so long to reconnect with her, and now that he had, she was slipping away again.
With a heavy sigh, Fitz closed the laptop and leaned back in his chair, staring at the ceiling. He wanted to reach out to her, to tell her that he understood, that he would give her the time she needed. But he also couldn't shake the feeling that, once again, they were being pulled apart by forces beyond their control.
And this time, he wasn't sure if they would ever find their way back to each other.
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