ATTENTION SECURITY GUARDS: HERE ARE TEN RULES OR SUGGESTIONS WHEN DEALING WITH MISTER SPOCK.
1. Do not call Mister Spock a name except Sir, Commander, Commander Spock, or Mister Spock. He is your superior officer and has earned his rank.
2. Do not call Mister Spock 'half-breed.' Our Captain did so once to mess with an enemy Android's mind but didn't like to do it. Mister Spock may raise an eyebrow to show people, but deep inside, it's an insult and hurt by it. Just don't use that term.
3. Do not call Mister Spock 'green-blooded hobgoblin.' Our Chief Medical Officer does so on occasion. It may or may not be a term of endearment from him. The same term from a security officer is not acceptable.
4. Do not call Mister Spock 'A walking computer.' It's true Mister Spock is a very intelligent man, but he's a Vulcan, not the ship's computer.
5. Do not touch Mister Spock. He's a private person. Also, he's a touch telepath. He wouldn't want to deal with your illogical emotions.
6. Do not question Mister Spock's orders. You may think of him as heartless, but deep inside, he's got the biggest heart of all of us. There are reasons why he is what he is.
7. Do not look at Mister Spock incredulously if he shows emotions, especially to the Captain. They are bonded spouses. Our commander has emotions, and how he shows them is none of our business.
8. Do not regard Mister Spock as a Romulan. He's a Vulcan. They're not the same. NEVER EVER MIX THE TWO, or your head will be on a platter (by me, your CSO).
9. Do not ignore Mister Spock, especially when passing by him off-duty. A nod, good morning, or something to acknowledge his presence is appreciated even if he never shows it. It's a sign of respect.
10. Do protect Mister Spock with your life if you have to. It's your duty. He prefers you live than die, nevertheless.
CHIEF SECURITY OFFICER