28

Sydney rummaged around the unusually messy desk of her home office for the set of notes she reviewed late last night. She felt like a walking disaster these days with a big new case at work, James having started the fifth grade and the stress that the custody case was causing them both. Even after she'd settled on an attorney she was more comfortable with to handle Jamie's petition, the situation only felt heavier. At some point she was going to break, but not today because she needed to be in Court in ninety minutes and she still had to drop James off at school, then meet with her associate before an important evidentiary hearing.

And that was only possible if James cooperated.

Sydney headed out of her office as she stuffed the sought after legal pads into her briefcase. She came to a sudden halt at the kitchen island, sighing heavily when she found James still slouched over the counter, swirling his soggy cereal around in the bowl. He had yet to make a dent in his breakfast, his hair stood on end from the shower, his belt was nowhere in sight, his uniform shirt was untucked and his socks and shoes were tossed under the bar stool. It was more of the same these days and Sydney was at her wits end on what to do with him. Actually, she knew what she could do, but stubbornly chose not to.

"James, please," she begged, placing her briefcase on the counter. She disappeared for a moment, quickly returning with a brush in one hand and a black belt in the other. She placed the belt on the counter and tamed his light brown locks causing his head to snap forward and back as she dragged the brush across his head, and still, there was not a peep from him. Sydney then tossed the brush aside to snag the socks and shoes under his seat, firmly depositing them into his lap. "We need to get going. If you're not going to finish that cereal, grab a granola bar or something from the cabinet and finish getting ready for school." The way James ignored her at first, she could have just as likely been talking to the wall. Then he started with the usual questions…again.

"Why can't I see him? What did he do? Did I do something wrong?" he asked for the one thousandth time. The list of questions and their frequency grew everyday as she continued to avoid them. They each had habits the other found annoying - hers was avoidance and his was stubborn persistence which was clearly a Reagan trait.

Sydney closed her eyes and silently begged for patience. "James, please. Not now, this isn't a good time."

"It's never a good time! At least dad says more than you do when I asked him," he replied. Although what did it matter? His mom may avoid answering his questions completely but his dad's answers didn't explain anything anyway. He might as well just not say anything like her.

Sydney frowned. When the hell had Jamie spoken to him? "How? I thought I told you not to call him." And what the hell was he telling James? She knew she should have taken the phone away completely. She was an idiot for thinking the parental controls and limiting his time with the damn device were enough. She'd been tempted to take it away completely but it was her only way to track James and reach him in an emergency. "What did he say to you?"

"Nothing," James replied, dropping his head back into his hand. He didn't mean for that to come out. She didn't know he talked to his dad until he opened his big mouth.

She needed to know what Jamie was saying to him. "James."

He deflated and relented. Despite his anger over everything, he wasn't very good at disobeying orders…most of the time, that is. "That you guys need to work some stuff out. It's not even a real answer but it's better than what you do! You always just say 'later' or 'it's not a good time.' That's what you always do with everything you don't want to talk about. Well, it's been forever! When's it gonna be a good time?!"

Sydney felt his pain, but the issues they were dealing with ran too deep. All she wanted to do was protect him and this was the only way she knew how.

"I know what it means, you know," James told her.

Sydney looked into his hazel eyes, they made her stomach clench. She didn't have a minute to spare, but wanted to know what he was thinking. "And what is that?"

"That you're fighting. You're not even married to each other and you're fighting so it's about me. It was all good until you came back, so something happened when you went away. What is it? Why don't you want me to see him anymore?"

"Is that what he told you, that we're fighting and it's my fault?" she pressed as paranoia kicked in.

"No. But I'm not dumb!" Parents thought kids didn't pick up on what was going on if they just didn't talk about it, but kids know and parents always try to ignore that.

"No one said you were, James," she said, then deflected. Again. Sydney turned and began forcefully transferring things from one purse to another, using today's reason for avoiding this discussion. "I don't have time for this. I have court in less than ninety minutes all the way downtown."

"But," he began.

"No buts, James! Put your shoes and socks on and let's get going! Now!" she ordered angrily. She regretted her tone immediately, unaccustomed to having these kinds of battles with her son, but she wasn't budging. She had too much on her plate and a hearing to get to. Her personal life may be in shambles for the time being, but she couldn't risk doing the same to their livelihood.

James had never seen her like this. Sure, he'd been pushing back a lot lately, but this reaction was new to him, one she never gave him before because he never gave her reason to. James knew he needed to move, but he didn't have to like it. He stomped all the way to the living room, carrying his belt, socks and shoes, as far away from his mom as he could get.

Meanwhile, Sydney grasped the edge of the counter, closing her eyes and willing herself not to cry.

James walked through the front gate and looked around the schoolyard where kids hung out in their usual circles socializing before the first bell. Normally, it was his favorite way to start the day - getting to school early to hang out with his friends. But this morning's exchange with his mom had been on repeat the last several weeks, all except for the heated response he got today. He'd lacked the usual gusto with his routine to get out the door to school and socialize and today's fight had him in a worse mood.

He almost missed Branden and Devon who stood behind the thick, old oak on the far side of the schoolyard. Normally, he wouldn't hesitate to join them, but he wasn't feeling it. He was starting to think he would stay in this mood until his parents stopped fighting but who knew if and when that would happen. He hated this. With nowhere else to go, James forced himself to join his buddies anyway.

"Hi, James," Branden called out, interrupting Devon who had been blabbing away ever since they arrived.

James hooked his thumbs around the straps of his backpack and gave them a half-hearted 'hey' back.

"Where have you been? I was just telling Banden about my birthday party! My mom is getting tickets to a Yankees game - a suite! And we're gonna take a limo and everything!"

James rolled his eyes when Devon looked over to Branden. Devon could care less about the Yankees. He cared about baseball about as much as he did, but they had all been excited about the sport because of Branden's trip. As soon as they heard about Philadelphia, James knew Devon was going to try to one-up their friend for his own birthday. It was bad enough Devon kept throwing it in his face about how great a time they had without him, now he would blab non-stop about this too. James might have enjoyed the perks of the trip, but his annoying friend convinced him that he probably had a better time watching movies and hanging out with his dad than being stuck with Devon for twenty-four hours straight. A birthday celebration sounded great, but in this case, he could do without the company. "Great," he said with absolutely no excitement.

That irked the other boy. "What's the matter with you?"

"Nothing," he replied, not wanting to get into it with him.

But Devon was not one to pass on other people's misery, something he learned at home, unfortunately. A smirk smugly spread across his face. "Your dad hasn't come around yet, has he?"

James ignored him, wishing he'd never let that slip to Branden within earshot of Devon. While his real friend was sympathetic, Devon had filed it away and brought it up when James was feeling low, which felt like all of the time lately.

"I told you he'd leave. They all do," Devon touted, as if his own experience with his absentee father made him an expert.

James felt bad he had to go through that, but it couldn't make all dads the same. He also wondered if that's what made Devon such a jerk. Then he worried if it would make him one too if his dad really didn't come back. Was he going to be mad all the time? James shook that thought from his head and argued back. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"Yeah, I do. Everything I told you would happen, happened, didn't it?"

"Shut up, Devon," Branden warned when he saw his friend's jaw clench.

But the kid couldn't keep his mouth shut. "You're better off. He's just some dumb cop anyway."

"What's that supposed to mean?" James asked, taking the comment personally. He was from a family of cops now and instinctively felt the need to defend them.

"It means what it means! They make nothing and these days cops aren't all good," he replied, repeating things he heard other people say, namely his mother.

"How would you know that? You don't even know any," James argued.

"It's what everybody says! Don't you see it on TV?"

"What? Like you bother to watch something other than Coco Melon?" James taunted.

"Shut up, James! My mom said so too. Cops are always getting in trouble - they're either doing the killing or getting killed."

That set him off. "That's not true, take it back!" James shouted as he launched himself toward the other boy.

"Woah, James! Relax!" Branden jumped in, bringing an arm up to keep him from knocking right into Devon while glancing around them to make sure none of the teachers noticed them.

Devon never flinched and welcomed standing toe to toe with James as he got him more worked up. It wasn't like James would really do anything anyway - he was a softee and this was too much fun. "She also looked him up and was telling Justin's mom all about him."

"Who?" James asked.

"Your dad, dummy! He's been in the news a bunch. Didn't you know? My mom said he's gotten in lots of trouble before. She said he killed someone once," he said. One corner of his mouth curled up, secretly pleased to see James' eyes widen in shock at the news. But he had more to add. "She said he also let his own partner die right in front of him. Guess he was lucky it wasn't him that time."

"Shut up!" he growled as his hands curled into tight fists. He was lying, he had to be. He didn't know his dad at all.

"She said it was weird that your mom would slum it with a cop but it had to be because he was a tasty snack she wanted to try. Not sure what that meant though." Devon's brow wrinkled over the funny look his mom got when she giggled about that to her friend.

"I said stop!" he repeated. Why couldn't he just shut his mouth?

Devon just kept going. "And he's married, right? Soon, him and the new wife will have kids and they'll prefer their own over you. It's better that he already forgot about you."

Branden jumped in to disprove his theory. "That's not true. I got a baby sister and my parents treat us the same."

He couldn't stop the eyeroll, his friends really didn't know how things worked. "Didn't you hear what I said? That's because your parents are still together, stupid."

"You don't know his dad, Devon." Branden continued to back his friend, growing more worried as James' face grew red, his brows angled down and his nostrils flared. He'd never seen him like this.

"Ha, looks like neither does James," he heckled and forcefully pushed James' shoulder.

"That's it!" James growled.

Devon never saw it coming. With fists ready, James cocked his right arm back as far as it would go and with all of the might in his ten year old little body, he released an uppercut right into Devon's stomach. If the Reagan men were around, they would be proud of his form, considering James had yet to learn the sport. They'd also be thrilled he finally shut the little monster up.

Branden stood by and watched as Devon fell to the ground like a sack of potatoes. "Woah, James!" he said, with equal parts shock and envy. He'd always wanted to do that.

Devon curled up on the ground, struggling for breath. Hidden by the big oak, no one took notice of James knocking him on his butt. When air finally refilled his lungs, he looked up to find James frozen and scowling over him. "Ow! What'd you do that for?! I'm gonna tell Mr. Parker!" he sputtered while clutching his midsection.

James' shoulders moved up and down with each breath he took, he was too stunned to speak. What had he done?

Branden stepped in again to defend him. "Do that and I'll tell him you were bullying James and every last thing you said about his dad. Zero tolerance policy goes both ways - you'll get in trouble just as bad for what you said, I'll make sure of it," he threatened.

Devon grimaced as a dull ache radiated in the center of his belly. "Was not! He just doesn't want to hear the truth," he groaned. Even while curled up on the ground, he couldn't keep his mouth shut, flinching when Branden shot toward him simply to see his reaction.

James shook his head as his eyes grew wet. He couldn't let them see him like this. Without a thought to the consequences or any idea of where to go, he turned and ran through the gates of the playground.

"James! Hey! Where are you going?!" Branden shouted after him, but he got no response.

James was gone.