Once she left Riley, Buffy headed inside her home. She took a seat on the couch and looked outside of the window, thinking about everything. Being pulled out of heaven. Having to be the Slayer again. The ever-growing terrifying stack of bills on the desk. The recent plumbing issues. The prospect of having to get a minimum wage job on top of her Slayer duties. Trying to make sure Dawn was getting to school and doing what she needed to be doing. And now Riley Finn was back in town. On top of all of that, she had to conceal her true feelings from her friends for numerous reasons but especially because she didn't want to worry them.

It was too much. She felt as though instead of being brought back to life, she had been dragged from heaven to a hell dimension, and it was a struggle getting through each day. The only time she ever felt the burden of everything begin to lift was when she was off with Spike, going to demon bars or hiding out in his crypt and drinking. He was the only one she had ever admitted how she was feeling to since she was resurrected, the only one that she didn't feel as though she was burdening by being herself.

Of all the things she had considered a terrifying possibility recently, Riley Finn returning had not been one of them. The psychology major graduate student that had been part of a military monster squad that captured and experimented on demons and vampires. The guy that had gone against everything that had been drilled into his head about the supernatural and found the right things to do.

They had gone through so much together with the Initiative and Adam, especially Riley, who had unknowingly been a part of Maggie Walsh's experiments, and he had been much needed support while Buffy's mother had been sick. At least, he was before he left, flying away in a helicopter because he believed she didn't love him. The reasons still baffled the Slayer, even to this day, though she had forcefully buried her feelings about Riley and his departure deep within her heart so she could handle the situation with Glory.

Riley's return felt like another cruel weight on her shoulders on top of everything else she was having to endure, but at the same time, while seeing him caused her heart to ache painfully, she couldn't help the way the sight of him still affected her. Just like the sight of Angel still affected her. She wasn't sure she could ever stop loving either of them, and yet she couldn't be with either of them. Part of her wanted to know if he was seeing anyone, but it wouldn't make a difference. There was too much going on to even fathom the possibility of repairing the amount of damage between her and Riley. And she already felt as though she was in Hell with everything else going on. She couldn't put herself through romantic problems as well. No, she needed to keep a distance from Riley and the idea of him as much as possible.

She would figure out a way to deal with the money situation. And keep Dawn and make sure she was doing her school stuff. And slaying some vampires. And lying to her friends. She could handle it. She's been handling it, even if it feels as though it's breaking her. She had to. The visits to Spike's crypt needed to stop. She was getting far too comfortable just hanging out with Spike, even if he was the only one that she felt as though she could be honest with. It wasn't good, and it didn't solve anything. It just was a pause on everything else.

The Slayer let out a shaky breath and kept her gaze on the window, focusing on Dawn. She needed to be strong for her younger sister that drove her nuts sometimes. The sister that she died to protect and would do it again in a heartbeat. Even watching the street that was getting brighter as the sun rose, the Slayer didn't really feel the concept of time as she was wrapped up in her thoughts. It was only when she heard a familiar voice that she realized the time.

"Buffy? Are you okay?"

The Slayer turned her head and noticed the all too familiar redhead, the best friend witch that had hurled her to this damnation of the living. The friend she loved so much and hated that she felt any resentment towards her despite knowing she had only been trying to help her. The friend that had thought she was in Hell and had been trying to save her.

Buffy gave Willow a smile, contrary to the thoughts that had been consuming her for the past two hours she had been sitting on the couch. "I'm fine. I was just thinking. I woke up early so I came down here" she explained, despite not getting any sleep at all.

"Oh? Thinking about what?" Willow questioned, walking over and taking a seat next to her on the couch.

Buffy couldn't think of something that wouldn't worry Willow, so instead she blurted out something that would only end up making her feel worse but would help Willow think things were fine. "Why don't we hang out at the Bronze this evening? We haven't really gone there since I got back."

"Oh, that's a great idea!" Willow said, pleased at the thought of them hanging out at the Bronze. "It'll be like old times. And you deserve to have some fun after everything"

"Great. Then it's settled. Tonight, we'll all hang out at the Bronze" the Slayer said, smiling a bit as though it was a good idea. Even though all she was doing was dreading the situation that would require her to further put on a mask of happiness. She loved being around her friends, but that didn't mean it wasn't hard since she was resurrected by one of her best friends. "I should head upstairs and shower before getting Dawn up to go to school."

"I'll wake up Dawn when its time to. You don't need to"

"Thanks, Will" Buffy said, giving her a small smile before heading upstairs, not realizing that Willow had a small look of concern as she watched Buffy retreating up the staircase.

The witch pushed her concern away, however, not wanting to consider the possibility of her best friend being in any pain when all she wanted was for her to be as happy as she seemed. The slight inconsistencies with Willow's belief of how Buffy was handling being alive again were not enough to become a lasting concern. After all, wouldn't Buffy have talked to her if anything was wrong?

Buffy grabbed some clothes and went into the bathroom, thinking about everything that had knew she should probably mention Riley's return to Sunnydale, California, but she didn't want to face the questions about how she was handling it. She didn't want to see the look of concern on their faces as they inevitably recalled the way she had reacted after Riley left until she had managed to bury the feelings in her heart. The worried questions would only result in increased concern if she accidentally expressed her true feelings. The feelings about how much it hurt to see him again, how much it hurt that he had left and that she knew his leaving was somewhat her fault. Perhaps if she had been more vocal about her feelings, he never would have left her. She couldn't afford to continue thinking about what ifs when all it would do is result in more of a mental spiral that she continuously found herself going into since she got back.

She let out a sigh and washed her hair, hoping that all of this would get easier. Being alive again after everything. She closed her eyes and let herself try to relax a bit, enjoying the isolation time in the shower provided, The brief absence of the responsibilities weighing her down. Soon enough, it was time to get out, and she dried herself off before getting dressed. She then headed out and went downstairs to make herself and Dawn some breakfast. She pulled out some cereal and some milk before pouring two bowls of cereal and then adding the milk.

"Dawn! I made you a bowl of cereal" she called out as she put the milk back in the fridge.

Buffy heard the familiar landing of Dawn reaching the bottom of the stairs before her sister made an appearance in the kitchen. "Thanks" the brunette said as she headed over to the fridge. "But I figured I'd just grab a drink and head out with Xander."

"He's not here yet. So you have time to eat"

Dawn deflated and took a seat at the island counter, poking her spoon at the cereal disappointedly. "It's not even the fun one with the cute little shapes and the marshmallows"

"Next time" Buffy promised, watching her take a bite of her cereal. "How did you sleep?"

"I slept well enough." Dawn said before looking up at her sister suspiciously, "I did wake up in the middle of the night though. Past the time you're usually home unless there's a crisis. And you weren't in bed. So where were you?"

The slayer hesitated, caught a little off guard and mentally noting she needed to be careful. Finally, she said "Riley's back in town. He paid me a visit, a courtesy heads up that he was in town."

"Oh" Surprise etched across her face. Riley returning was the last thing anyone expected after how badly the relationship had ended. "What did he say? Did you kick his ass for leaving?" She liked Riley a lot and had missed him when he was gone, but eventually that had turned to second hand pain as well as her own feeling of betrayal. Riley hadn't just left Buffy. He had left all of them and hadn't even told Dawn goodbye.

"Language. And no, I didn't. We just went for a walk and talked."

"And how are you doing? You were a wreck for a little bit after he left. Even though you tried to hide it" Dawn said.

"I'm fine. Really, I'm good" Buffy lied, smiling at Dawn.

"Well, he should have stayed gone. We don't need him anyways" Dawn said firmly, taking a bite of her cereal.

Suddenly, the front door opened, and Xander 's voice rang throughout the house. "I'm here to bring Dawnmeister to school"

Dawn nearly squealed happily, and she dropped her spoon in her unfinished cereal, some of the milk splashing out and onto the counter at the sudden impact. She didn't want to go to school, but she did like spending time with Xander.

"Dawn!" Buffy said in exasperation but didn't follow after her.

She turned back around and pulled a towel out of the drawer before cleaning up the spill. Once she was done cleaning up the cereal, she leaned back, letting her facade fall a little, just for a moment, taking in the brief time period of being able to just be herself. Even small simple tasks felt harder to her ever since she was resurrected. Just reminders of where she had been and where she was now.

"Are you okay?" A familiar voice spoke up from behind her. She turned and saw Tara standing near the doorway, looking concerned.

"I'm fine" she said, putting on a smile, something she had gotten so used to doing. Then, as she continued, she tried to redirect the conversation away from her feelings. "Did Willow tell you that we're all going to be hanging out at the Bronze tonight?"

"Yes. She mentioned it briefly before getting in the shower" Tara said, noticing the change of topic but deciding not to push. "Are you sure you want to go out? We can all hang out here"

Buffy shook her head, knowing it was easier for her to end up leaving if they were out and about than if they were here. Just in case she found herself needing an escape again. She hated that she needed to already plan out an escape, but it just made things easier. And right now she needed easier. And it would also help her friends think that she was okay, which was something she needed the most. "The Bronze is fine. We deserve to have a night out"

"Okay" Tara smiled at Buffy. "Well, Willow and I were going out into town this morning, get some air and pick up some stuff. Do you want us to bring you back anything?"

She shook her head. "No, but thank you"

Tara gave Buffy another smile before leaving, and the Slayer turned back around before putting the dishes she had washed away, hoping that when she went out later, her ex wouldn't be around. Even if part of her longed to see him again, to touch him. She wasn't going to put herself back through that again, no matter how much her heart had skipped a beat when she had seen him again and fluttered a bit when they had talked. She had too much to deal with to add complications with Riley Finn to the list.