"So why, Nala?" Simba asked, staring into Nala's eyes. "Why do you feel so sorry for me? What makes me so special? There must be some significance to it – otherwise you wouldn't have bothered. Am I right?"
Nala shook her head in response, her eyes closed. "No, no, no, Simba," she replied. "You've got it all wrong – not that you haven't ever got anything wrong before. You have no significance," Nala told him. "I just picked out the first cub I ever laid eyes on. I saw your horrible tuft and thin body, so I decided to… take you up as a…" Nala didn't like the next word.
"Friend," she finally said.
That actually hurt Simba inside. Right in the pit of his stomach. Even though he knew it wasn't the real Nala saying those things, it still hurt. Like some kind of sick nightmare. But Simba knew this wasn't a nightmare. It felt far too real for that.
This was real. That was for sure.
"Come on, Nala," said Simba, taking a step towards her. She didn't even notice him – she was far too busy admiring her reflection in a little lake to the side of the field. "There must be something about me that you like."
"Don't I look so beautiful?" said Nala, as if she hadn't even heard Simba. "So beautiful that no one but Haiba deserves me. Here in the pride there is only he, who is beautiful as me. Hey – that rhymes!" She turned to Simba. "Now what did you say, Simba, you miserable excuse for a life form?"
"I was asking if you actually liked something about me," Simba told Nala, glaring at her. "But I get the feeling that I know what your answer's going to be."
Nala laughed in response. "Oh, Simba, I can't say you don't have any comedic value," she replied. "I don't truly hate you, Simba. I just dislike you greatly. You are good for some things, like… Well, you're good at being scared when I attack you from out of nowhere. And you're also pretty good at letting me pummel you. I think I can still see some of the claw marks on your belly. I would say sorry, but I don't really care. But there is one thing that you are very, very good at."
Simba didn't look very impressed. "And what might that be?" he asked, getting the idea that he was just going to get severely insulted in return.
"You're good at giving advice," Nala revealed, sounding quite honest that time. "Whenever there's a problem, you always seem to be good at solving it. If you weren't good at this, then I probably would have just hunted you down and fed you to a few zebras. Nothing personal – you're just not worthy of being eaten by someone upstanding, such as myself."
"But I'm the Prince," Simba blurted out, desperate to use anything he could think of to argue against Nala. All he had received from her was abuse. It broke his heart to hear this coming from someone he loved.
"Ha!" Nala exclaimed. "You think being the Prince of the pride is going to get you some respect around here?" she said.
"Get with the times, Simba. That isn't how things work anymore. You've got to earn respect – you just don't get it given to you."
Simba growled furiously. "You won't be saying that when I banish you from the kingdom," he threatened. He'd had enough of her abuse. He just couldn't take it anymore. "And I won't let you ever come back. Ever."
Nala laughed even harder. "You? Banish me? That's so funny!" She wiped a tear from her eye. "Oh, Simba, this is a laugh a minute. You wouldn't dare banish me. If you did, then I would rip out your eyes and shove them down your throat so you could see my claws tear your carcass open."
"You're a very violent girl, aren't you?" Simba retorted, finding it hard to believe that this was the Nala he once knew. "I'm surprised that I ever got mixed up with a nasty person like you. In fact, that's it." He turned around and headed away from the field. "I'm done."
He didn't have to walk very far before Nala spoke up. "Simba, wait!" she cried, running over to him. "You don't have to go. I was only… kidding."
Simba smiled triumphantly. "Bingo," he whispered, before turning back to Nala. "But I thought you hated me, Nala? I thought I was just a waste of space? I thought I was a pathetic, worthless know-it-all?"
"I didn't mean it, Simba," Nala told him, frowning. "I was just goofing around. Now come on – I need your advice."
Simba closed his eyes and shook his head. "I don't think you really deserve it. Why don't you go and ask Haiba? I'm sure he can help you with your problems. After all – he is so great, isn't he?"
"Simba, I need advice because of Haiba," Nala confessed, standing by Simba's side. "Advice on our relationship. Now I demand that you give me advice, or so help me I will take over this kingdom and rule it for all eternity!"
You remind me of Hago, Simba thought with disgust, resisting the urge to frown. "All right, I'll give you some advice!" he agreed, finally giving in to her demands. He didn't think he could take much more of this… "So what's your stupid problem?"
"It's not a stupid problem," Nala told him. "It's a very important problem that requires your immediate attention. It's the only thing you're good for – so you'd better start talking. Okay?"
"Fine," Simba sighed. "What is your very important problem?"
"I'm going to confess my feelings to Haiba tonight," Nala explained. "I want to know this: what's the right way to do it? I've never done this kind of thing before."
"Neither have I," Simba pointed out. "What makes you think I know the answer to that problem, Nala?"
"Oh, I don't know, you just know that kind of stuff," Nala replied. "Now give me the solution, please! Before I tear your head off!"
"Hmm…" Simba put a paw to his chin, narrowing his eyes in thought. "Well, I would always try the sunset."
"The sunset? I already thought of that," Nala told him, waving off his suggestion. "I want to know what to say – how to make it as romantic as possible. Now tell me – or I will destroy you."
Simba gulped nervously. He couldn't tell whether Nala was joking or not. It certainly didn't sound like she was joking.
"Just look into his eyes, and passionately confess your feelings to him," Simba instructed. "The two of you will kiss, and you'll feel like the most important cub in the world."
Nala stared into his auburn eyes, and couldn't help but feel touched by what he had said. "Simba…" She was actually lost for words. "Where do you come up with things like that?" she asked in disbelief.
"Well—" Simba was about to answer her, when a voice rang through the air.
"Nala!"
Simba and Nala turned around to see Haiba marching towards them. He didn't look happy… "What are you doing hanging around with that freak?"