A/N This is pretty long but I couldn't find a better stopping point.
An Unexpected Blessing
Chapter 4
His Friday night had certainly taken an unexpected turn and Jethro couldn't begin to imagine what his future would be. All he knew for sure was it would include this precious child. He would not be a part-time dad. What that meant for Holly and him he didn't know. There were undoubtedly going to be some long conversations in his future and maybe some arguments and probably even some tears. Whatever it took, Jethro was already determined to be a full-time dad to Logan.
Logan slept in his father's arms for just over an hour. He began to wiggle around and finally opened his big blue eyes and stared up at a face he'd never seen before. Jethro smiled at him and held him up on his lap.
"Well, hello little boy. I'm your daddy."
Logan looked around but he seemed perfectly at ease with Jethro. He reached out and touched Jethro on the face and smiled.
"How about we get you some dry pants and go find your mom?"
Jethro found the diapers in the drawer of the changing table and quickly had a dry one on Logan. He dressed him in the clothes lying on the table and went in search of Holly. He found her in the kitchen baking something that smelled like chocolate chip cookies. His favorite. Holly turned around from the counter and almost cried when she saw Jethro standing there holding their son. Logan seemed very happy with the situation. He smiled at her and held out his hands and she took him and hugged him.
"Hello sweet boy. Did you have a good nap with your dad?"
Logan babbled something and patted her face. Holly looked at Jethro but his expression was unreadable. She remembered that look from the time they spent working together.
"I know you must have many questions and I want to answer them all. You're welcome to stay of course or if you want to leave and come back that's up to you."
"I'm not going anywhere. At least not yet. How about I take Logan and you finish what you're doing. We can talk in here or I'll go wait for you in the other room."
Holly kissed Logan on the cheek and handed him back to Jethro.
"Are you up for feeding him some fruit?"
"Sure, it's been a long time but I'm sure I can manage."
Jethro knew Holly was aware he'd lost his family years ago so he didn't worry about talking about being able to care for a child. Holly showed Jethro the seat she used for Logan and got out a jar of baby food peaches and a spoon. Jethro put a bib on Logan and sat down to feed a child for the first time in over 20 years. Holly turned around to take a tray of cookies out of the oven.
"Shall I just start at the beginning or do you have specific questions you want to ask first?"
"Why don't you just start where you're comfortable. If I have a question I'll interrupt you."
"Okay. I guess I want to start by apologizing to you for not telling you I was pregnant right away. I found out almost 2 months after I left here. I was traveling in Italy with my friend Maureen. The two of us went to college together and we've stayed friends. Anyway, I was feeling a bit off so I went to a doctor and got the news. I was so surprised I didn't really process the idea for several days. By then we were on our way to Barcelona where Maureen has lived for several years. That's where I stayed until I came home a few days ago."
Jethro listened to her but his real concentration was on getting peaches into Logan faster than he could spit them out. Jethro realized he still had the knack for getting the spoon in and then wiping up the chin and getting it back in before Logan had spit it all out. Holly turned around from the counter and watched him.
"You're pretty good at that. Lucky for you he loves peaches. I've tried a couple of things he obviously doesn't like yet and it's a lot harder to get those in him."
"I remember trying to get Kelly to eat carrots. Not a favorite of hers at this age. And very messy."
Holly smiled at him. She was pleased to hear him speak so easily about his lost daughter. She knew he still suffered from her loss.
"Why didn't you come home when you found out you were expecting?"
"I had promised to help Maureen with a project she was working on about Gaudi, the Spanish architect."
"The one who started the famous cathedral in Barcelona, right?"
"Yes. She is developing a curriculum for grade school age children about his life. I told her I'd stay for 3 more months and then I was coming home. But just 2 weeks before I was ready to leave, she fell and broke her leg very badly. She had to have surgery and couldn't get around on her own for weeks and weeks. Long story short I wound up staying and caring for her and trying to help with her project at the same time. Honestly the time simply got away from me and I stayed and now here I am."
"And why didn't you call me?"
"That's the hard question isn't it. Jethro we had one night together. One night that was the result of me being traumatized and hysterical. We had no real relationship and even though we'd known each other for a while we didn't and still don't really know each other. I had no idea how you would feel about an accidental pregnancy. Of course, I would have known had I asked you but….I simply let it slide and I'm sorry, I know that hurts you."
By this time Logan had eaten all the peaches and was sitting happily in his father's lap banging his hands on the table. Jethro stroked his soft brown hair and kissed him on the top of his head.
"It does hurt that I missed the first 5 or so months of my son's life. It feels like I should be angry with you Holly. I wish you would have felt like you could trust me with the news from the beginning but I guess I can understand why you didn't. You're right; we don't really know each other all that well. We know things about each other but that's not the same is it?"
"No, it isn't. What are we going to do, Jethro?"
"I don't know. I have some more questions, okay?"
"Of course."
"How did you choose his name?"
"You don't like it?"
"No, I do like it. Just wondering how you chose it. What's his middle name? And his last name."
"Logan is a family name on my mother's side. I've always liked it but I never expected to be able to use it. His middle name is James. I wanted him to have your initials. His last name is Gibbs. I hope that's okay with you."
Jethro turned Logan around and held him up so they were face-to-face. He kissed him on the forehead and said, "Logan James Gibbs you are a very cute boy and I love you." There were tears in his eyes again and he wasn't even a little be ashamed of them. Logan stuck his tongue out and blew bubbles in his daddy's face.
Holly had tears of her own. She had no idea what the future looked like for the three of them but she liked how they were starting.
"He's all good with his shots and he's healthy and everything, right?"
"Yes, he's in perfect health and meeting all his age appropriate milestones."
"When's his birthday?"
"Oh my gosh I should have told you that right away. He was born on November 10th. He weighed 8 pounds 3 ounces. He was perfect right from the start. I'm sorry you weren't there, Jethro."
Jethro was smiling at her. "November 10th is the Marine Corps birthday. Perfect. Look Holly, I don't want you to worry about how things went before now. As far as I'm concerned the important thing is you're here now and we have a lot to figure out. I know you could have decided not to keep the baby and I'm beyond grateful you have given me this fantastic gift. You have to know I want to be a full-time father. I'm not going to be satisfied with seeing Logan on weekends and one night a week."
"I wouldn't expect you to settle for that. What does that look like, Jethro? What does it mean to you?"
"It means I want to be there for bath time and stories and when he wakes up in the morning. I want to be there when he has a bad dream or falls down and scrapes his knee. I want to take him fishing and teach him stuff. I want to be his dad, Holly not just his father. Do you understand what I mean?"
"Yes, I understand but Jethro, where do you see me in all that?"
"I guess I see you right there with me being his mom."
"I wonder if you truly understand what you're saying."
"I know it sounds crazy and I admit I have no idea how we will get to that point."
"I hear you and I understand what you want so we have to sort out how we're going to manage all this. I have no set expectations. I firmly believe Logan needs 2 committed parents so I want us to figure out how we're going to make that happen."
Jethro stood up suddenly and walked into the living room with Logan. He needed time to think and he was through talking for a while. He didn't really have any more questions. He was holding his son; something he never expected to be doing. He had given up on the idea of a family years ago and thought he was okay with that. His mind drifted off to Allison. Now he thought he knew what she'd been keeping from him. She must have known about Logan. Her investigator had located Holly and that meant they probably knew about a baby. He appreciated her not telling him. What would become of their relationship? Did that even matter now that Logan was in the picture?
Holly had a play mat on the floor with some toys on it so Jethro sat down and put Logan down on his tummy. Logan quickly reached out and grabbed a stuffed dog and rolled onto his back with it. He chewed on the ear and waved his arm around happily. Jethro watched and wondered about his relationship with Logan's mother. How could he spend the time he wanted to with his son and not also spend a lot of time with his son's mother? He thought about what he'd told Holly he wanted. He wanted to give Logan his night time bath and read him stories and put him down for the night. How would that work? He wanted to get him up in the morning and feed him and play with him and take him places. He was going to want to teach him to ride a bike and throw a ball and take him fishing. How could he do all that if Logan lived with his mother? Would Holly be willing to let him have Logan for days at a time? No, that wouldn't be enough anyway. Even if she let him keep Logan for a while how was he going to manage a baby alone when he was working? Or when he got called out in the middle of the night? This was going to be very complicated.
Holly came in the room with a plate of warm cookies and a glass of milk. She set those down on the table in front of the couch then she sat down on the floor with Logan and Jethro. Jethro reached for a cookie and the milk.
"Thank you. These are really good."
"You're welcome. Baking helps me when I'm stressed."
"You stressed about me being here?"
"No. I have been stressing for weeks and weeks about how this meeting would go. Seeing you with Logan, I know things will work out. Somehow."
"How do you see this working out? You've had months to figure out how we would deal with this. I've had about 2 hours so I'm sure hoping you have some ideas."
"Jethro, of course I've known about Logan for months but until today I have had no idea how you were going to react. For all I knew you would say 'good luck and goodbye.' I'm sorry but I don't know what to do either."
"You interested in having a family, Holly?"
"I guess since I have a child I already have a family."
The tone of the conversation seemed to be going in a somewhat angry direction and Jethro didn't want that to happen. What he wanted from Holly was some idea of how she saw the two of them going forward together.
"I think you know what I mean. I'm talking about the two of us, Holly."
Holly got up and began pacing the living room. It reminded Jethro of how she was pacing around this same room the night they unknowingly conceived Logan. This time he didn't go to her; he stayed on the floor with Logan and ate another cookie. He wanted her to be honest with him about her ideas for their future.
"I don't know what to say."
Logan was rolling around on the blanket kicking his feet in the air and blowing bubbles. Jethro watched him for a few more minutes then picked him up and kissed him. As much as he wanted to hold onto his son for the rest of the day he felt like he needed to live. He hugged Logan and handed him off to his mother.
"I think I better go. I don't know how we're going to do this Holly but I do know I want to be the father Logan deserves. We will have to figure this out pretty soon. I'd like to come over tomorrow for a while if that's okay with you."
"Of course. Jethro you're welcome to come anytime. I have some errands to run tomorrow morning but I'll be home by lunchtime."
"How about I come in the morning and stay with Logan while you do your running around?"
Holly thought for a moment and realized if she allowed Jethro to keep Logan while she was gone it would be the first time she had left Logan with anyone else since he was born. She had never been more than a room away from Logan.
"I guess that would be okay."
Jethro heard her reluctance in her voice. He couldn't blame her but on the other hand he was Logan's father after all. He decided not to call her on her less than enthusiastic response.
"Great. Is 9:00 okay for you?"
"Yes, that will be fine."
Jethro rubbed Logan's head and squeezed Holly's hand as he left.
"I'll see you guys in the morning."
On his way to his truck Jethro looked in Holly's car to check out the car seat. It had been a very long time since he'd needed such a thing and this one was certainly not like the one Kelly sat in.
Jethro stopped at Target on the way home and after a lot of study and a conversation with a young woman who was there buying diapers, he decided on a very safe looking and expensive car seat. The woman who helped him said she had two children and had used that same model for both of them. She asked what kind of vehicle he was putting it in and when he said a Ford F-150 she told him it would work perfectly. She knew that because her husband drove the same truck and he had a car seat in his. She even gave him some tips on installing the seat. Jethro thanked her and headed home to see if he could figure out how to put the thing in his truck. He was glad he had finally given in and bought a new truck last year. His old truck would not have been okay for transporting Logan.
All the way home Jethro replayed the last several hours in his mind. He was still very much in a state of shock and unsure of how things would work out. He decided maybe he needed some advice. Ducky would be the best person to talk to but he knew Ducky wasn't home tonight. Maybe tomorrow. Once Jethro had the car seat installed he went to the basement to work on his boat. Naturally, he couldn't get Logan off his mind but he needed the quiet and the solace the boat always brought. Tonight the boat wasn't much help but it did tire him out enough to let him finally go to bed around midnight.
Jethro arrived at Holly's townhouse right on time Saturday morning. He was excited about spending the morning with Logan by himself. Holly on the other hand was somewhat anxious about leaving Logan with Jethro but she knew she was being silly and over-protective. Her son would be perfectly safe and probably very happy with his father. It was just that she had no experience with sharing Logan with anyone. Better get used to it she told herself; Jethro was going to be around a lot in the future. And the future had started yesterday when she introduced Jethro to their son.
Of course, Holly had a schedule all written out for Jethro. She had made note of when Logan would eat, when he'd have a bottle, when he'd probably take a nap and on and on.
"You planning to be gone for a couple of days are you?" Jethro smirked at her and was rewarded with a sharp punch in the arm.
"I've never left him with anyone before now so just cut me some slack."
"Never? You've never been away from him at all have you?"
"No."
Jethro could see this was somewhat of a difficulty for Holly so he took her hand and said, "He'll be fine. I promise I know what I'm doing. We'll be right here when you get back. Take your time, Holly. Don't rush around to get back here. Give yourself a little break is all I'm saying."
"Thank you. I know it seems silly but…."
"It's not silly. It's all new is what it is. Go on now, enjoy some time alone for a change."
"Thank you, Jethro."
Holly kissed Logan goodbye and handed him off to his dad. On her way to her car, she saw a truck in the parking lot with a Navy Yard sticker on it and figured it was Jethro's. When she saw the car seat in the back she stopped short and stared at it. She knew he must have purchased it on his way home last evening. For some reason she had very conflicting feelings about the fact Jethro was already buying such a thing; was already prepared to take Logan with him someplace. Holly finally stopped looking at the truck and went to her car. Wow, he didn't waste any time she thought as she drove off.
Much to Jethro's surprise Holly was gone for almost 4 hours. During that time Logan ate a jar of peas, had a bottle and two diaper changes. They played on the floor and Jethro read him 5 stories. Jethro, known to some as a 'functional mute', talked almost constantly to his son. He told him all about Kelly and all about the things he wanted to teach him to do. He told him many times that morning how much he loved him and that he would always keep him safe. He took several pictures of Logan to show to Ducky. And everyone else, eventually. Holly called on her way home and offered to pick up some lunch for them. When she arrived home with Five Guys burgers and fries she found Jethro lying on the couch with Logan sound asleep on his chest and an episode of Gunsmoke playing quietly on the television.
The aroma of French fries got Jethro off the couch and into the kitchen with Logan still asleep on his shoulder.
"Wanna hold him and I'll get the food organized?"
"Yes, thank you. Everything alright?"
"Just fine. He ate and drank, pooped and peed and we had a great time."
Holly kissed Logan and hugged him and then took him to his crib so they could eat. Jethro found plates and napkins and put the food out. He snuck a few fries while he waited for Holly to return.
When she sat down she said, "You bought a car seat."
"I did. Last night on my way home. Talked to a woman with 2 kids who recommended the one I bought."
Jethro had heard the edge in her voice but he was going to ignore it unless Holly made an issue of him having a car seat for his son.
"You planning to take Logan somewhere?"
Again, Jethro ignored the way the question sounded. He swallowed a bite of his hamburger and said, "Well, I thought I might want to take his mother out to dinner one night soon and if she wanted to go I figured I'd need a seat for him."
Holly looked at him for the first time since she'd sat down. He was looking at her with that smirk she'd come to recognize when they worked on that case together. She studied his face and was reminded of how much she liked those icy blue eyes that now seemed to be looking right into her soul.
"That's what led you to buy a car seat last night huh?"
"Yep. That okay with you?"
"I think that would be very nice, yes."
"Good."
From there on they concentrated on their lunch. Holly asked about Jethro's team and he brought her up-to-date on how everyone was doing. Jethro asked how her errands had gone and she admitted she enjoyed the freedom of not having to deal with a stroller while going from place to place. When they were finished eating, Holly threw away the trash and came back to the table. Looking at Jethro she knew he still had lots of questions.
"Why don't we go sit in the living room and you can ask some of those questions I know you must still have."
"Okay."
Jethro picked up the toys that were scattered around and put them and the mat in a basket Holly had sitting at the end of the couch. He sat in the chair and Holly settled on the couch. She watched him trying to decide where to begin.
"Tell me about the pregnancy. Were you sick at all? Did you have access to good care?"
"I had a wonderful doctor. She kept a pretty close eye on me since I'm sort of at the end of the optimal child-bearing age range. I had some morning sickness the first month or so but it was very mild and easily managed. I felt very good the whole time, actually. I did a lot of walking, ate lots of good, fresh food and happily, I didn't gain a whole lot of weight."
"I'm glad it was fairly easy on you."
"Jethro, I'm sorry I didn't call you. I know now you probably would have wanted me here or you would have visited me there. I wish I had done things differently."
"I told you last night not to worry about that. I'm not upset or angry that you didn't let me know what was going on. Like I said, I'm just happy to have you and Logan here now. Do you have some pictures of him?"
"Of course. Come sit here and I'll show you."
Holly got her phone and pulled up the file with all of Logan's pictures in it. She handed the phone to Jethro and said, "Just scroll down. They're in order from the day he was born until a couple of days ago."
Jethro took the phone and sat mesmerized by the photos of his son. He studied each one especially the very first few when he was just a newborn. Holly enlarged a few as he went along and gave him a bit of commentary of some later ones taken at different spots in Barcelona. Jethro thought Logan always looked happy and definitely well cared for from day one.
"I plan to get a lot of these printed off and put in a real album once I get settled. Would you like me to send a few of them to your phone?"
"Yes, that would be great."
"I have a question."
"Shoot."
"Are you and Allison still together?"
Holly knew what Allison had told her but she wanted and needed to hear Jethro's version of their relationship.
"Not in any serious kind of way."
"How about in a casual, non-serious kind of way?"
Jethro shifted away from her on the couch just enough to be able to turn and look directly at her. He knew this was a crucial point and he needed to say it the right way.
"We are still friends but we are not in a relationship. I'm going with her tomorrow to look at a condo she's thinking of buying but we are not a couple in any sense of the word. We were for a short time early last year but we agreed pretty quickly we were not serious about each other. We haven't slept together in a few months."
That was more than Holly had expected him to say but she appreciated his honesty. She was very glad Jethro's description of the situation pretty much matched what Allison had told her.
"Thank you for telling me."
Neither of them seemed to know what to say next. They were both wondering how in the world they were going to navigate their situation. Jethro knew there are all kinds of families in the world today but he was very traditional in his thinking along those lines. He wanted a family and to him that meant two parents living together-preferably married-with their child in the same house. He didn't know how Holly felt about that and since they weren't even dating much less living together he wondered where they went from here. He only knew what he wanted in terms of Logan; not in terms of Logan's mother. He knew he liked her and he had at one point been interested in knowing her better but nothing had come of that interest. When he thought about that he realized nothing came of it because she disappeared after their one night together. Was he still interested? He thought he could be. In fact, he thought he should be, considering who was sleeping upstairs.
The silence between them wasn't uncomfortable. Holly watched as Jethro continued to scroll through the pictures of Logan. She wondered what he was thinking about. The idea of him asking her to dinner was certainly a pleasant surprise. Looking at him, Holly was reminded how impressed she had been with Jethro during their earlier encounters at NCIS. She certainly didn't mind spending time with him back then. After all he was sure easy to look at and he treated her with respect and courtesy. He was always honest with her and he had a surprisingly good sense of humor. She knew he was really smart and excellent at his job. Holly had to admit she had been interested in Jethro after their initial encounter even though she wound up in some serious trouble that time. When he came to her asking for her help in finding Charlotte she was more than willing to go along with his plan. Of course, that led to him saving her life and that led to Logan so she had to admit most of her encounters with Jethro ended well.
The silence in the living room was broken when the sound of Logan babbling and moving around came over the baby monitor. They waited to see if it would continue and when it did they both started to get up.
"You mind if I get him?," Jethro asked.
"No go ahead. He's usually hungry about now so I'll fix him a bottle."
Jethro lifted Logan out of his crib and kissed him in the cheek. He changed his diaper and put a clean shirt and shorts on him and went into the kitchen. Holly handed him a bottle which he showed to Logan.
"You want some of this little man?"
Logan reached for the bottle and Jethro let him have it. He helped Logan hold the bottle and sat down at the table while his son guzzled his bottle.
"He's a good eater isn't he?"
"Yes, he's always been eager to eat. He's really a very easy baby; he hardly ever fusses unless he's hungry or wet. When he's tired he simply lays down wherever he is and goes to sleep."
"Does he like to take a bath?"
"Yes, he seems to love the water. He's been toted around all his life and he seems to adapt very well to wherever he is."
Holly set out the cookies she'd baked the day before and Jethro helped himself to one while Logan finished his bottle. Once Logan was through, Jethro held him over his shoulder and patted him gently on the back until he heard a good burp. Jethro sat him on the table and studied him intently. Logan had light brown hair and dark blue eyes common in infants. His head was nice and round and he was a chubby, healthy looking baby. Jethro thought he was perfect.
Holly watched Jethro study their son. She realized he was doing exactly what she had done for hours and hours since Logan was born; simply looking at him and marveling at what a beautiful, perfect child she and Jethro had made. She refused to think of Logan as a mistake or an accident or anything else except a happy miracle.
Jethro hugged Logan and handed him to Holly.
"I'm sure you have stuff to do so I'm going to get out of here. Thanks for letting me stay with him this morning."
"Jethro you don't have to go. You're welcome to stay and spend time with Logan. Maybe we could talk about things."
"Things? Like what?"
"Don't be difficult, Jethro. Don't you agree we have lots of things to discuss? Things to work out about how we'll care for Logan as his parents."
"Of course we do. I just don't know where to start. You've had more than a year to work this out and you've admitted you don't have a clue. I've had about 36 hours. Excuse me if I'm still sorting all this out for myself."
They hadn't raised their voices of course, but the tone of their voices was definitely trending toward angry. Holly walked out of the kitchen and sat down with Logan down on his play mat. She didn't look at Jethro as he stood in the living room staring out the window. Her mind was going back and forth about what to do. She thought she wanted Jethro to stay, spend time with them and help her figure things out. She also wanted him to leave so she could think straight again. He kept her flustered when he was so close and she didn't know why.
Jethro had said he was leaving because he didn't know what to do there with Holly. He knew how to take care of Logan, how to play with him, feed him and all that but he had no idea what to do with Holly. He thought he knew how he wanted things to go but he didn't know how to get there. They had skipped so many steps most people took before they became parents he wasn't sure how to go back and do all the things they'd missed. More importantly he wasn't sure Holly wanted to go back to all those steps. What a mess!
Holly stood up and went to him.
"I'm sorry Jethro you're right."
"Look Holly, we'll figure things out. Let's just take some time. We each have some thinking to do. Why don't we take the weekend and sort out what we each want and we can talk again on Monday."
"Okay. But how about Sunday evening instead? I'll fix supper for us."
"That sounds good. Seven o'clock okay?"
"Yes, that will be fine. Thank you, Jethro."
Jethro pulled her into a hug and held her for a good long time. Finally, he let her go and kissed her on the forehead.
"Don't worry, Holly. Everything will be fine. I'll see you Sunday for supper."
Jethro picked Logan up and kissed him goodbye and told him he'd see him on Sunday. Holly took Logan from his dad and watched Jethro leave. She hoped Jethro was right and everything would be fine.
On his way home, Jethro called Ducky. He desperately wanted to give voice to all the confusion in his mind and he knew Ducky was the best-only really-person for him to talk to.
"Ah Jethro, not a case on this beautiful Saturday afternoon I hope."
"No case. Could I come see you for a while Duck? Got some stuff I need to run past you."
"Of course, come on over."
"Perhaps you could bring a pizza on your way. I have been craving a good pizza for days now."
Jethro chuckled at his friend. "I'd be glad to. See you in about half hour."
TBC