Frayed Knots

by FountainPenguin

"It's not my problem if you're embarrassed, Anti-Cosmo," H.P. said as I hugged my shoulders. He scratched his chin. "Hm. I suppose there's no help for it. If you honestly and truly want to wear a hat, then you'll have to secure a high position of power so no one ever dares to say anything about it that's negative in the least." (Written August 2016 - Ongoing)

3. Fun With Yarn

(Posted November 14, 2017)

Fun With Yarn

In which the Spring of the Feathered Pillow occurs, and Julius can hardly be described as the fireball at the party

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I grew up in such a world, with my mother quick to smack the back of my head when she thought I stepped out of line, only for one of the camarilla members - or Anti-Bryndin himself - to intervene when they caught her doing it too often. There were twelve members on the camarilla court. Fifteen officially, sort of, but that was if Anti-Bryndin, Anti-Elina, and Anti-Buster were included. Each of the seven zodiac elements was represented, with both the High Count and Countess having chosen six Anti-Fairies with zodiacs who did not match their own.

Anti-Bryndin was of course a Breath, and the enormous button on his black scarf was yellow because of it. Anti-Elina wore a green circlet between her ears to symbolize the Leaves Year. Anti-Buster? Who knew.

Not me. On days when we pups were allowed out in the gardens to wander, I sometimes sat on Sunnie's bridge with my bare feet dangling over the dark creek, my fists gripping the iron rail. There I would pass hours in silence, gazing over the sea of black leaves and bioluminescent lizards, flowers, rodents, and pollinating insects glowing with every colour of the Fairy zodiac and not a colour more. In the absolute centre of the garden (I'd been told, hadn't believed, and measured it with Augustus and Caden one day to be sure) lay a fascinating testament of unique Anti-Fairy architecture (a "gazebo") built of black wood and hung with paper lanterns that often glowed as red as the sky. As red as Anti-Buster's cloak. But that was no element of the zodiac I knew. If Fire was blazing orange and Sky was inexplicably so navy blue it was nearly black, then what could deep red possibly be?

We pups were strictly forbidden to touch that strange gazebo. Forbidden to even approach it. I'd hopped across the stones in the pond anyway and gone all the way up the steps- but only once, when I was younger and more daring. Regret welled in my throat before I'd even pressed my hand against the doorframe and stared, eyes wide, across the bare, dark floor. Just being that close had frozen my teeth down to the roots.

I was a headstrong child, yes, but not a stupid one. I'd dropped back into the pond immediately, soaking myself to the pits of my wings, and splashed back to hunker underneath Sunnie's bridge with the glowing eels and salamanders. Even the fat fish never strayed near that central marker in the garden where the seven stark divisions melded into one, no matter how we pups tempted them with bread and kitnut shells. Perhaps best to error on the side of obedience and listen to the camarilla on this one.

Over the next four years, as new pups came in and I left the nursery behind, I became familiar with each member who did sit upon the camarilla court. While anywhere between two and four hundred Anti-Fairies, servants and pups included, resided within the Blue Castle colony at any one time, because of my long nose and sharp green eyes, the camarilla themselves began to recognize me too. And best of all, my mother did not hold a seat anywhere among them, she hardly standing in Anti-Elina's favour given Mum's relationship with Anti-Elina's husband and all.

So, the camarilla became aware of me, and if ever they noticed a new scratch or bruise upon my tiny body, they were quick to confront Anti-Florensa about it. I relished every punishment she undertook, so much so that I even took to faking a limp in my foot every now and then. She deserved a little scolding from time to time.

Thus, Mother and I coexisted to some degree throughout my youth. Augustus was constantly flitting off to attend to this or that self-inflicted duty (Gathering dirty scraps of colourful Tarrow outfits and distributing them to the needy in bulk one week, assisting Anti-Robin and the other servants in the kitchens to prepare plenty of food to feed the hungry the next, so on, so forth), but when he was around, he rarely allowed me to stray from his watchful gaze. Mother never struck me with her bo staff when he was there to step between us instead.

… Often, it seemed to me that she became much more prone to physically striking out when he was around. Perhaps because Augustus was much older than I, the camarilla were more reluctant to intervene when it was he who shuffled along the halls behind me, clutching a twisted arm against his chest. Yes, he was a colour-eye (or an "iris") like myself, but it certainly didn't give him a sturdy backbone.

He didn't bring the matter of his frequent injuries to the camarilla's attention. And after the way Mum flew off the handle at both of us when I spoke to Anti-Elina on his behalf… I never attempted to take the matter into my own hands again. Augustus, usually wincing, assured me it was better that way. Better that she hit him than she take her fury out on us both. I didn't disagree.

I gravitated to the roosting room by the end of my first Sky year. Somewhere on the opposite side of the Barrier, Cosmo shed his round exoskeleton, so in turn, I shed my square one. The last of my zodiac to do so, I remained small and darkly-furred. With my shedding came freedom of mobility. True, my wings were still bound, and would be until my cohort reached its 50th year and we had our canetis. But with longer legs, I could run instead of waddle. I'd grown out of soiling diapers, thank Tarrow, and a new wardrobe of clothes was suddenly opened unto me. Of course, many of them were too big, but to have loose-fitting tunics which flowed down to my knees - I could see my knees! - instead of conforming so tight and stiff to my awkward square body. Oh, what a lark!

Yet in a way, my new form also came with a bill to be paid. The first was mainly a small one, or so everyone kept telling me. It came on slowly, with pain down my back. I waved it off, but soon enough, it became obvious what was happening, and I could deny it no longer.

I grew a tail. It was a long, black, naked tail which sprouted from the puffy, rabbit-like tuft on my rear end. That wouldn't have been a cause for concern, except…

"Why don't any of my friends have tails like me?"

"The long tail is all part of being Faeumbra fae," Mother assured me, stroking my cheek with the pad of her thumb as I whimpered in her lap. I clutched my tail in front of me with both hands. "All Anti-Fairies have small tufted tails, but you belong to the common anti-fairy subspecies. The anti-fairy patron is the Elrulian free-tailed bat. You have the same round ears, the same narrow wings and pointed wingtips, and their white toes; it only makes sense that you would have their tail. You wouldn't be much of a free-tail without one, luv. Now put it away, Julius. To show any part of your tail is an enormous sign of indecency."

"But what do I do with it? It's so long."

"You'll have to keep it tucked in your trousers like I showed you."

"But it hurts when it's crumpled…"

She turned my chin up so I had to look her in the eye, or at least try to, though my lids were blinking rapidly. "Your tail is a private part of you, Julius. Don't let the others see you have it. Don't discuss it. They shouldn't even know. You need to keep it hidden. Don't make me punish you. I really don't like punishing."

So, I kept my tail stuffed away in my pants. When other Anti-Fairies were around, that is.

Mother said my tail and toes were traits that Tarrow had allowed common anti-fairies alone to evolve, and that crossbred children did not inherit them. That meant they were passed down from my father instead of her, despite the fact that she had them too. Even Ashley was a crossbreed, carrying his mother's six-pointed anti-fairy crown, but the more heavyset body, huge feet, and small ears of an anti-barbegazi. Not to mention the fact that while the leathery skin of his wings was black, the forearms of his wings were crispy gold in colour.

I waited for another common anti-fairy to be born in the Castle so I might have someone to confide in about the discomfort of stuffing my tail away, the freedom of letting it curl out from beneath my tunic in private, the shame I felt in doing so. Oh, how I longed for someone! But in the Soil year, when I was two years old, a decree went out that ordered all fairy drakes to have no more pups (or "nymphs" as they were called) until further notice. For weeks afterward, I caught whispers that always died guiltily away when those speaking realized I was there. No one would explain all the details to me. No one would even look me in the eyes when the subject came up. I heard something about trying to halt the spread of a harmful mutation in the fairy genepool, something about hospital visits, something about some kind of tube being sealed in the process, though part of it was above my comprehension.

Of course, since Anti-Fairies were never born without their Fairy counterpart born first, this also meant an end to the anti-fairy race "until further notice". As far as the Blue Castle was concerned, I was the youngest of my kind. "Until further notice", I was incapable of ever fathering my own pups. I'd never thought much on the subject of parenthood before. But suddenly, being told what I couldn't have made me want it with furious passion. My parents hadn't been married, so my own sire had evidently performed his duty twice and hadn't stuck around to see the results. I didn't know so much as a name, and considering the way I'd heard Mother spit at Augustus that he was "So much like his father!" on days when he was being particularly goody-goody, I didn't dare breach the subject with her.

My mother was Anti-Bryndin's third wife, after Anti-Elina and Anti-Zoe (the latter of whom I heard many a story of, but never saw). So, Anti-Bryndin became something of a father to me. Or Anti-Buster did when he wasn't around, though he was hardly up to the task of meeting my emotional needs.

Augustus seemed to sense news of this no fairy babies business before news of the law even reached our ears, because he had a sudden meltdown. He locked himself in one of the non-perishable food storerooms and wouldn't come out for what seemed to be months, no matter how much I begged him to. There he would sob alone, neglecting even his beloved service projects, not turning outward to anyone, and of course not even having a betrothed to be concerned for him. It really was no surprise that I lost interest in the majority of my peers - even Augustus - and took to following members of the camarilla about on their work instead, as far as they and my tied wings were permitting. I liked adventurous Caden and I liked serious Ashley, and that was mostly it.

Even excluding the matter of my tail, sometimes the price for my new body seemed a steep one. It was suddenly cold, to wander through life without that comforting layer of fat which had kept me secure back when I was young. No longer bristling with pointy corners, and lacking my "blubber," I would need to turn to an act known as "bundling" when I rested. True, we Anti-Fairies were creatures built to withstand cold temperatures, and with very few exceptions it was impossible for us to die so long as our hosting counterpart still lived, but even we had our limits for health reasons. In order to keep our body temperature up, we all slept (or even rested while awake) in very close proximity to other Anti-Fairies of our ranking. I speculated that our tradition of betrothing pups young and presenting them with a life partner to snuggle up to may have some origins in satisfying this sort of physical need. We were a touchy-feely lot by nature.

I also became aware that Anti-Bryndin had not been lying those times he referred to me as sickly and cold. It began with innocent experimentation, as these things always do, with touching each other and ourselves. But before long, whispers had spread among those of us in the bottom creche: Anti-Fairies with scales and fur in lighter tones of blue would warm you up quite well when the nights were cold, which they always were since the temperature in Hy-Brasil varied little with the seasons. Anti-Fairies with darker fur were colder and made much less desirable sleeping partners. Automatic second choices. For shame.

Additionally, now that I was no longer "mostly head," my head and body were of course distinctly separate. My head developed the ability to open from the top backwards as though it had a hinge. I learned quickly that up in my forehead chamber, I had a mass which we called my core. Even when I stood in front of mirrors and cracked open my dome, I couldn't really see it, but Augustus assured me it was in there, deep down beyond the stringy red forehead material, like a small white ball.

This was the life-sustaining organ of my body, as it were, where I drew power directly from Cosmo Prime, who in turn drank from the energy field itself. Something about metaphysical straws which were referred to as "magic breathing lines" … I didn't really look into it. Only Seelie Courters could see them with their special power called "field sight" that kicked into gear when their eyes rolled in the backs of their heads and began to glow much brighter than normal. Fairy biology didn't really interest me.

What did concern me was the nature of being an Anti-Fairy. Both Fairies and Anti-Fairies were built with their cores in their large heads. There were multiple organs located in there, I learned, to allow the pouches on the midsections of our small bodies to open directly into our bodies like a cave; heavy pups clinging to our fronts would overbalance us, for even without our helium gaskets activated, we were small and weighed little. No, our pups nested deep within. I was young and my pouch not much developed, but there was plenty of room there that I could wedge my entire closed fist inside, then open it and wiggle my fingers. As a drake, I did not have teats in there like Anti-Fairy damsels and Fairy drakes did, which made it a lovely place to stuff small objects that I hoped to sneak past Mother's notice without having to stick them in my mouth.

Point being, the core was located in the head, and this was the organ with which we drew magic from the "pools" we shared with our counterparts; or, in layman's terms, our counterpart drank magic directly from the energy field through the "straws" that were their magic lines, and this magic was drawn through their core and filtered by the time our own cores drew it out of them… normally with very little backwash.

Exactly how it worked any further than that, I never particularly questioned in any great detail. Fairy biology was not inherently to my interests, especially with my firm adherence to the Zodii philosophy, whereas most characters you meet in the streets would draw upon the nonsensical teachings of the Daoism religion and their belief in the literal physical splitting apart of our Aos Sí ancestors in order to explain the connection between counterparts and the core. Suffice to say, Cosmo was doing a very excellent job of breathing over there on the other side of the Barrier, and the nature of the core was the reason we Anti-Fairies could not die so long as our hosting counterpart lived. However, I did not bother to deconstruct the reasons why. I was finally starting to read, and I had bigger dreams involving enchanted knives and wing bindings to captivate my mind.

Fairy magic was warm, and because warm magic rises, Mother explained to me that the magic running through a Fairy's "internal magic lines" (I prefer the Anti-Fairy term "veins") gathered mainly in the upper area of their bodies, allowing it to pool around the core in his head. For we Anti-Fairies, it was different. Because Anti-Fairy magic was a cold thing, it gradually descended towards our feet the longer we remained upright, and at times left us dizzy to the point of exhaustion. It hadn't been a problem while I was very small and square, but in my new body, I'd attempted to push my limits- only to pass out every time I remained upright too long, and wake again with Augustus tending to me in the nursery.

The logical solution to the issue of cold magic sinking was to hang upside-down if at all practical. This act was called roosting, and evidently, this problem had existed since days long in the past. Our ancestor species had evolved strong toes which allowed them to cling to branches or crevices in rocky walls. The same week I finally shed my old skin, Anti-Bryndin drew me out of the nursery (bustling with two small litters of Sky Year Anti-Fairies who had been born at the Castle) and walked me along the upper halls to the roosting room.

Of course I'd visited it a time or two when seeking out my Water friends who had moved on without me, but mostly, I didn't. Due to my delayed birth, the other Waters had all grouped off to form friends before I'd come along. While they were rarely unkind to me directly, they didn't make an effort to include me in their games. None of the jars I'd broken at Anti-Venus's tower had contained smoke for Blue Castle pups, so I was the youngest of the lot. The other Waters migrated to the roosting room almost as one, and I stayed behind to befriend Ashley and a few of the other Sky year children.

Besides, Electro spent a great deal of time in the roosting room, and I thought him biting and mean. Clever, resourceful, and strong, and his fierce loyalty to the zodiac and Zodii traditions combined with his straightforward brains ensured I'd trust his judgements with my life, but his ever-growing sarcasm and sneering gaze did not mesh well with my shy feelings. Oh, how I hoped I wouldn't find a Fire ring in my handkerchief when the day of our cohort's Tarrow betrothal came. I didn't have many options were that the case.

"I can't fly," I protested when Anti-Bryndin nudged me with his leg into the roosting room for young juveniles. The first thing I noticed was the spongy red carpet that engulfed my claws, although much of it was covered by sheets of translucent plastic. It was also loud- that was the second thing I became aware of. Voices squeaked above my head and wings rustled like flapping rolls of parchment caught in an Earthside wind. Words were lost. Chatters flew back and forth until only those actually invested in each individual conversation could keep them straight. Sometimes from down the halls you could hear them getting riled up like this too, but I found the clash of too many high-pitched squeals annoying and preferred to engage in conversations with deeper-voiced adults. The room was tall and the stone walls, prone to casting echoes, didn't help cut down on noise. I pressed down my ears with a grimace.

To the left of the door was another large mural, this one depicting Thurmondo seated between the roots of a grey milbark tree, its long tendrils drifting in the nearby creek, which lapped at his uncovered toes. Apart from the red dots that symbolized his eyes, he was faceless and painted all in a single tint of green. Wrapped from the shoulders down in a blanket of overlapping autumn leaves, he shivered against the grey slush and falling snowflakes. Yellow Winni crouched in the branches overhead. Although the mural was as active as the one in the great hall, with a faint painted breeze stirring the milbark vines, fish occasionally swimming down or stones shifting in the water, Winni seemed content to remain up there forever, blinking, while Thurmondo hunched his shoulders and battled the chill alone.

It must have been the first day of spring: Naming Day. Thurmondo had lost his memories as winter faded, and Winni had arrived to wait patiently for the right moment to make a move on him and incite the cycle of progressing seasons all over again.

On the right side of the door sat the most important feature of the chamber. This roosting room's array was a great pink tree with dozens of twisting branches sprouted from a bit of imported white vapor set in a circle in the floor. A chesberry. It stretched all the way towards the ceiling, and Anti-Fairies clustered in rows among just about every branch, clinging by their toes alone, although a handful of them sprawled on top of the branches on their stomachs with heads propped against their fists as they gabbed to those who dangled below them. When Anti-Bryndin nudged me forward again, I added, "My wings are tied."

"I will carry you." Anti-Bryndin bent over me with his mouth open. I half thought he was going to bite off my head, but instead, he fastened his teeth in the thin scruff on the back of my neck. His teeth scratched against my scales, but he found a hold. "Oh," I said as he hoisted me into the air.

Generally speaking, most Anti-Fairies did not have the combined leg and wing strength to take flight directly from the ground. Anti-brownies could do it, as could anti-wisps, but that ability was mostly limited to their individual subspecies. Anti-Bryndin had been walking the Castle corridors with me and, grounded, he chose to scale the wire mesh clinging against the walls until he encountered a branch that reached us. From there, he crawled along the array until he found the spot where he wanted to lower me.

Augustus was working late down in the kitchens, so Anti-Bryndin placed me instead beside Angus and Teresa, two of my fellow Waters. They broke off from talking and craned their necks. They clung to a thin, twig-like offshoot of one of the chesberry's main limbs. Perfect for small pup feet to wrap around. Anti-Bryndin waited until I had my toes curled forward and firmly latched into place before he let go of my scruff.

"You are holding?" he asked, keeping one hand beneath my head.

"I…" I blinked at him, shifting my feet and rustling my wings around me. What was I supposed to do with those? Hug myself with them? And what about my arms? My scruffy hair felt unusual, dangling into empty space. It dawned on me why I had been dressed in a single piece of stretchy black cloth from neck to tail that clung tightly to my ankles for pyjamas. I said, "This is so high. I've never been upside-down before."

"You are okay. I will catch you if you fall."

I leaned forward, trying to catch a glimpse of his face, even though he was still up there above me. "Not forever, though?"

Anti-Bryndin smiled. "Not forever, Julius. But I am creche father. It is my job. I will watch the creche tonight. You have one night to learn how to hold steady and roost. I do not mean to watch tomorrow."

"I understand."

"Your toes will lock on tight. This is because you are heavy. There is a part inside your head, the helium gasket, which helps you float, but this is only when you beat your wings. That is why we can fly down, and walk, and be weighed on scales. When your wings don't flap, they do not use energy. You are heavier not flapping than when you do flap. Being heavy makes it hard for Anti-Fairies to get from the ground to sky when they are not flying, but it has your toes lock on when at roost. They will only open if you want to let go. Is this okay?"

"Yes, High Count."

Anti-Bryndin flicked his ears. With one hand, he adjusted the way I folded my wings so they covered my shoulders, rather than wrapping my lower body and leaving my arms exposed. "Close your wings against your neck. You need to be warm. Stay by Angus and Teresa. Don't get sick. You are dark and cold."

I nodded my agreement and, after he'd dropped from the branch and flapped off to a nearby perch he liked a little better, allowed my attention to wander around the room. Perhaps as many as two hundred and fifty Anti-Fairies roosted in here. A few of them were clearly born into the Castle as nobility like I was, as evidenced by their brightly-coloured eyes. More likely than not, the Antis whose eyes were red were servants, or the children of servants, who merely lived at the Castle by association with their job. Cooks, cleaners, political assistants to the High Count and Countess and the like. Of course, very few of them were asleep yet, and for those who waved their hands when they chatted, their betrothal rings glinted in a bright collection of colours.

Oh. Yes, some of these Anti-Fairies had been born in the neighbouring towns and colonies, but had been invited to the Castle to participate in Tarrow betrothals, and had then been adopted into our ranks to grow up together with partners who already lived here.

Beneath my wings, I massaged my bare fingers. Someday, I would be counted among they who bore those shiny rings.

My day came soon enough.

It was Naming Day, of course. Mother Nature had christened it the Spring of the Feathered Pillow. We gathered in the front hall, up and down the stairs. In total there were twenty-one of us, but we were just the Castleborns. Other Anti-Fairies clustered outside the rear gate that led into the gardens. Soon enough, we would see them. As I sat on the bottom step of the staircase beside Ashley, hugging my knees to my chest and trying not to crush my tail, even my usually-serious mouth twitched up into a smile. Tonight, I would know my lifelong partner. I would be betrothed.

Unless I messed up.

Anti-Buster checked each of us over as one by one, we shifted from the stairs and started along the statue-lined hallway that led away from the front doors and the camarilla's front dining room. Seven scrolls floated in the air around him. He would confirm each name, and the scrolls would rustle and scan themselves until one of them found the name upon itself, and butted his cheek. At that, Anti-Bryndin would twirl his wand and tap the floating crown of the Anti-Fairy in question, which then switched from black to the appropriate zodiac colour with a foop. "It's only temporary, children," he informed us when we whined and touched them. "The charm only lasts three hours. Your crowns will all return to normal once the ceremony is complete."

Over on right-hand wall, a passageway door creaked open. My ears flicked up. The door swung lightly and sounded as though it were made of thin wood, although on this side, it was decorated to blend seamlessly into the cinderstone of the walls. One of the servant passages; I myself found little use for them. "Psst," whisper-called a familiar shaking tone from inside.

Augustus? I glanced at Anti-Buster, who sighed to inform me that I was wasting everybody's time, even though he still had nine Anti-Fairies to get to besides me. Augustus motioned for me again with his hand. I slipped from the stairs and hurried over to him.

"What are you doing?" I demanded, trying to keep my voice soft like his. I glanced back over my shoulder. "We're calling attention to ourselves and causing problems."

"S-sorry." Augustus once more beckoned me closer, this time urging me to step all the way inside the passage with him. I didn't, and he crouched down, the purple flower in his lapel brushing his chin. "I w-wanted to catch you before the ceremony starts. How do you feel?"

I hopped from one foot to the other and nodded. "Breathless. But I'm ready. I've waited for this moment ever since I was one month old. Here I am, just over four years later. My time has come."

He nodded. "D-don't be n-nervous. Just t-trust in fate. E-everything will w-work out in the end. And if y-you don't find a m-match tonight, th-that's okay. It j-just means you'll f-find a really g-good one when you're older. P-patience is a virtue, and you'll be r-rewarded."

I wasn't quite as sure about that, seeing as I saw no value in missing out on over 150,000 years of spending time with your partner only to find some other random poor, unpractised sort when you were older, but I said nothing.

"I th-thought it would h-help you if you t-t-turned your t-tunic inside out."

"I like my tunic just the way it is," I protested as Augustus, once more, motioned for me to step inside the servant passage with him. It was dark in there, anyway, with only one torch that I could see a decent distance along the wall. Behind Augustus, perhaps beyond another passageway door, I could hear the clicking of cooking utensils and the chitter of many Anti-Fairy voices preparing for the festivities tonight. Whatever meat they were cooking up blossomed in my nostrils and threatened to make me drool acid on my shirt.

"J-just do it." Augustus didn't need to loosen the buckle on my tunic much in order to slide it up and over my head. I squawked, taken aback but at least aware enough to be grateful he'd pulled me behind the edge of the passage so the others by the stairs couldn't see me.

"I say," I sputtered when he flipped the tunic and pulled it down over me again. "What in the name of smoke was that for?"

Augustus smiled as he adjusted the fabric around my wings. "F-for good karma. L-love is a t-tangible embodiment of f-fate that's m-meant to t-t-twist in different w-ways for e-each and e-every individual. Th-the identical evil sp-spirits who th-think only of th-themselves and sc-scoff at marriage are its n-natural enemy. They h-hold no power over you w-when you wear your cl-clothing inside o-out, you know. Their f-forces surely won't w-work against you to p-prevent you from d-discovering your true d-destiny and s-setting yourself on the p-path to finding t-true love now."

I wrinkled my nose, but without complaining, I trailed back to Anti-Buster so he could turn my crown from black to turquoise blue.

So, no doubt in anyone's mind which zodiac they belonged under, we were let out to the lush and glowing gardens in a thin trickle. White paper lanterns lit by multicoloured flames hung from frizzing ropes that ran between what seemed like every tree in the entire place (many of which had adult Anti-Fairies roosting from their branches to witness the ceremony and cheer their offspring on). Even the cloudstones beneath our feet had been swept clear of any stray black or grey leaves. Ashley, who was already much taller and more broad-shouldered than I was, kept his hand placed between my wings and steered me forward more than I led him. I shook my head and allowed myself to grin. To think! Why, just four years earlier I had hauled him from his dying mother's pouch with my own claws!

"Julius?" he whispered, suddenly stopping in the middle of the path to turn towards me. The enormous spiky tuft in the front of his dark blue hair bobbed each time he moved. "Do you think my partner will, you know… like me?"

"Of course." I pushed his chest. "You act tough sometimes, but you're a big softy, you old rascal."

He glanced up at the sky. "I wish our dads had been married to our mums. Maybe then they would be here to see us."

"Blimey, that would've been pleasant, wot?"

His eyes closed. "I'm going to stay with my partner forever. No matter what happens."

"Break it up, you two." Teresa grabbed my elbow and pulled me away. "Didn't you hear Anti-Buster? We've all got to take our places at our own zodiac's garden ornaments. For us Waters, that's Sunnie's bridge. Keep it moving, chillybutt. Follow the glowy turquoise flowers."

"Ugh." I threw back my head, but let her drag me on anyway. "For the record, you are an irritatingly pushy nag and I wouldn't exchange rings with you if you were the last Water year in Hy-Brasil."

She stuck her tongue out at me.

Sunnie was the third-eldest of Tarrow's seven sons. The arched entrance of the mystic black gazebo in the garden's centre pool faced Dayfry's place near the Castle's back entrance. This put Water Years such as myself over on its right side. From where we clustered on the wooden bridge, I could catch glimpses of other pups taking up their respective places here and there, but only until Angus and Samuel stepped in front of me.

"Lighter furs in the front," Anti-Buster droned, sweeping past us on foot as always, his cloak flowing at his heels and arms locked behind his back. "Darkers in the back."

"What!" I cried.

He swivelled his attention on me. "Lighter furs in the front. Darkers in the back."

I twitched my nose, but complied, sticking my thumbs in my tunic's too-loose belt. The bridge would have been wide enough for the five of us Castleborns to stand on comfortably, but we'd joined up with easily three dozen unfamiliar Anti-Fairies born into neighbouring towns and colonies. The magic leaking off them all at once rang like chimes in my ears. When I shifted towards the right side, I could see well enough through a gap between Harriet and Angus. A respective hush gently fell over the entire place. Even the eels and fish hummed quietly in the reeds.

Murmurs started up again, though softly, when Anti-Bryndin and Anti-Elina ducked through the wispy curtain and stepped out onto the rear-facing Castle balcony, behind the Love Years. Both he and she held a spiralled candle in a dish which sizzled with red flames. Anti-Elina wore a puffy green dress decorated with glitter and cobwebby strings, her gloves russet like autumn. Anti-Bryndin wore a yellow coat beneath his black scarf- a fancier coat than I'd seen him in the previous Naming Days I'd been alive for. It had at least eight buttons down the front, and he even wore a white cravat. It looked quite nice, though he itched it constantly. I paused to squint. Hadn't he been wearing a different set of yellow clothes for the New Year celebrations we'd had earlier this morning? Something stretchier?

Ears swivelled. Heads turned. Shushes flew. All became quiet again. A single royal toad croaked among the drifting lilies and abruptly dove into the water. Anti-Buster, who had crossed the stepping stones to stand before the black gazebo with its scarlet lanterns, bent down on one knee in Anti-Bryndin's and Anti-Elina's direction.

Then he stood again, taking an ornate white box up in his arms. "I stand in as Tarrow's representative," he called, louder than I'd ever heard him before. "I act as the ever-neutral party on the camarilla court. Seven years ago, Mother Nature named the Love year the Year of the Crossed Stars. Let the betrothals of the Crossed Stars cohort commence. May destiny, not happenstance, guide us all."

He started with the whispering children who'd gathered near the purple bench in Dayfry's slice of the courtyard, of course. I couldn't see much from where I bounced on my toes, but I'd been told the routine a thousand times. One by one, each Anti-Fairy present reached into the white box and withdrew one of the black handkerchief packets that Anti-Buster had shown us years ago. Though they giggled and shifted and plucked at the bundles with their claws, no one dared to open them. Not yet. Not while Anti-Bryndin and Anti-Elina were up there with the enchanted candles still burning.

Anti-Buster drifted clockwise to those in Saturn's Fire year at the lava well, and then he moved to us at the blue bridge. With my darker fur tone and younger age, I was relegated to be the last to draw. The package lay silky smooth in my palm. I held it up to the light of a nearby turquoise lantern, squinting through the dark cloth as Anti-Buster left us for the Skys.

A single, solid ring was definitely wrapped inside the dark cloth. Such betrothal rings were sculpted of hard foggilite, and they rubbed (sometimes painfully) against our knuckles as a constant reminder of the promises we were making today. In addition, when worn, their colours would declare the year of our birth even from a distance, allowing those who wished to approach us to consider whether we might be compatible with them, as well as determine whether we had already been promised to someone else. Later, when we engaged in official marriage as adults, the coloured rings would be exchanged for bands of black leather set with chips of our partner's zodiac gemstone instead. I couldn't tell what colour the ring in my package was, but somewhere out there in the crowd, some other handkerchief bore a turquoise ring to balance it. There had to be.

I glanced at my fellow Waters, all of them shifting on their heels. Each seemed bigger, tougher, faster, and stronger than I was. Fleetingly, I didn't much care for my odds. The moment I glimpsed my colour, I would have to utilize the one thing I did have a surplus of - intelligence - and outwit them, lest every potential match for the Water year be claimed too quickly, and I found myself standing in the courtyard with no betrothed at all. Just like Augustus. He had let himself be pushed around, and now his ringless finger branded him an outcast in the Castle for life. I would not make the same mistake.

Samuel rubbed his hand against his shirt and glanced back at me. "So? Do you hope you get paired with a damsel or a drake?"

I blinked. "It doesn't really matter, does it? If our karma is balanced and we're selected by fate, what else is there?"

"I dunno. I was just asking."

"Well, I prefer not to make plans. Once you put work into those sorts of things, you start calculating the positive and the negative outcomes. You get attached." I shrugged. "While I do set myself towards long-term goals, such as marriage in general, I prefer to work with what I'm given and let Tarrow guide as he will from there. As long as I get betrothed to my fated today, I'll be happy. And if I don't…"

Then my social life as I knew it was over. I quivered to imagine what Mother's reaction would be then, if not one but two of her sons failed to make ends meet. I smoothed my hair. Contrary to popular belief, I actually did brush it regularly. Three times this morning alone, and once in the afternoon. Prickled messiness was simply in its nature.

"… Well, if I don't, then I suppose that's fate too, and I'll find a way to work with that."

Anti-Buster finished passing out the rings and returned to the gazebo's rocky island. He stepped inside and placed the white box reverently on its dais. There it would stay to soak up the rest of Naming Day until late tonight when he carried it back inside the Castle and it vanished for another seven years.

Stepping out of the gazebo, Anti-Buster bowed on one knee again. This time he didn't get up. My eyes slid up to the balcony as Anti-Bryndin and Anti-Elina raised their spiralled candles high.

"The time has come to open your packages and learn the zodiac of your betrothed," she announced. Rustling picked up all around me. "By sacred decree, there is to be one minute of silence and stillness in honour of Tarrow, beginning now. Do not any of you shift your feet from where you stand. Take the time to ponder over your ring and reflect on what Tarrow has blessed you with. The search for your partners will begin when the lanterns are blown out."

I wedged my claws beneath the braided white cord and tore it loose. The kerchief fell open in my hand, bearing my coloured ring towards the sky. It was shiny, glimmering, dark sapphire blue.

Sky.

For a moment, I could do nothing but stare at it in disbelief. The Sky spirit, Munn, was a trouble-making prankster who endangered himself - and others - far more often than he ever saved the day. He was the spirit of speed, travel, and kindness, in addition to being a clever escape artist and thief. True, he was on good terms with Sunnie, as they were both considered the princes of the cloud spirits. As respective spirits of Focus and Acceptance, the bond between them represented hope for the future, forgiveness for the past, and mutual self-discovery through careful, patient exploration. Not to mention that whenever they kiff-tied in the old stories, snappy and sarcastic commentary was guaranteed. Sure, I would try to trust in fate, but was Tarrow really sure this was the match meant for me?

Well. While they weren't quite the natural match that Water and Soil were (Sunnie and Twis having been fated, "yellow-bonded" partners themselves), Sky was still a fairly decent match for a Water year. The two were considered to have a "purple bond", or one that could easily sway either way, for good or for bad. Thank Tarrow I hadn't drawn Winni's yellow ring, for Sunnie was notorious for begrudging the spirit of rest and self-care in the old stories. No surprise then that Sunnie got along so much better with the spirit of Devotion and hard work than the one he considered the embodiment of sloth…

With a Sky hand in hand with me, it wasn't so likely I'd struggle to act in sync with my betrothed, or have to be dragged off sometimes and forced to engage in the hours upon hours of special education that taught partners of naturally non-compatible zodiacs to understand each other and function properly. A Soil year would have been preferable, but I wouldn't necessarily turn up my big nose at a Sky. After all, I'd been raised among them almost more than I'd been raised among Waters. Quite the lovely bunch, our Castleborns.

Who were my options? Ashley, of course, though privately I knew him too well. We were related. While it wasn't unheard of for cousins to exchange affectionate kisses, it was generally frowned upon in Anti-Fairy society. Those marriages among cousins were traditions of Seelie culture; evidently, they were unlikable even to each other, and had such limited ability to woo that their parents had to do it for them.

Kasey, Day, and Prickle all fell beneath Sky year too, though none of them particularly caught my fancy as a marriage partner. They were like siblings, and we bickered awfully under the wrong circumstances. That left Tumble as my best choice. He tended to be more forward than I was comfortable with, snatching others' toys and puzzle pieces and such, but then again, that would make us a balanced pair. He could manage the socializing activities, and I would run damage control in the background. We'd make for an excellent team.

Of course, on top of that, there was always the chance that I could be matched to one of the strangers from the neighbouring colonies. Oh, there would be so much to do tonight! Dining together at the feast, introductions to one another's parents, hours spent talking and getting to know one another intimately, showing him or her around, our first bundle together at roost…

… All this assuming I even landed myself a partner here today first.

I glanced around, sucking on my lower lip, as everyone waited in frozen anticipation for the High Count and Countess to signal that our minute of peace was up. Munn was Tarrow's fourth son. The Water and Sky years were immediate neighbours on the zodiac. The fastest way to reach their section of the gardens would be to move to the left. Curses! I was on the wrong side of the bridge! If I could just quietly scoot over-

"Julius Anti-Cosmo Anti-Lunifly. You dare mock Tarrow's time of peace?"

My wings stiffened. My body turned to ice. My foot was in the air and I was no longer facing Tarrow's gazebo, so I couldn't really deny what I had been doing.

How had Anti-Elina noticed me from up there?

When she called me out, the Waters in front of me turned around to smirk, scoff, or stare. I became increasingly aware of the adult Anti-Fairies roosting in trees around the garden, and their eyes bore into the back of my sweaty neck. My bare foot came down again. I shifted back to the right side of the bridge. Or the wrong side, as it were.

Oh gods. Were they still looking at me?

I knew I should be trying to strategise. I should be craning my neck in the hopes of glimpsing my fellow's rings. Then I would know which way they were likely to bolt when the signal was given, and I could avoid being trampled. But all I could do was stare at my feet.

Were they still looking at me? What were they saying about me? Who were they talking to? Did my mother know? Was Augustus even out here? He was supposed to be out here. He'd promised he'd be out here. But, wouldn't he have settled to roost in one of the trees near Sunnie's bridge if that were the case? Shouldn't he be watching me? Was I not worth the effort of leaving the Castle? Were his precious service projects and kitchen duties more important than his own brother? Had he abandoned me? Did he even love me anymore? Was I just a burden to him? I didn't really have any close friends- was I just a burden to everyone? Did burdens even deserve Tarrow's influence in their lives?

The last two dozen seconds of Tarrow's minute were painful ones. I clutched my ring in one hand, my handkerchief tucked into my belt. Even when I was almost sure all attention had turned to the balcony again, it didn't make the burning in my eartips lighten up at all.

"Tarrow's minute has ended," Anti-Bryndin proclaimed. "We start the hunt for partners now. It is your fate. It's decided. C'est la vie." He and Anti-Elina blew their candles out. As one, every paper lantern in the garden went with them. All that was left to light our way were the glowing flowers and garden creatures, and the faint stars high above.

The game began. I took a step back, but one of the foreigners shoved me to the ground on his way past. I plopped on my back, crumpling my tied wings. "Hey!" I cried, but no one stopped. No one helped me up. Everyone was too busy shouting, scrambling off through the gardens, beating their wings, except for the Waters who had opened their handkerchiefs to find Water rings, and were rapidly making selections from the cream of the crop. I rolled to my feet by myself and huffed through my nostrils. Fine. I got the message. I was on my own.

Off to find the Skys. At least since the others had gotten a head start, they were no longer in my way and I didn't have to push. Making it to the Sky section of the garden would be simple. It wasn't as though it or Munn's astrolobe were that far away.

Except, some of those Waters who had run off certainly had Sky rings of their own. And the number of Skys who had drawn Water rings was certainly limited.

Oh dear.

I hurried to the end of Sunnie's bridge, clenching my ring in one hand and my throat in the other, as I watched the others take off. It took all my self-control not to burst into screams. Their wings! They weren't tied down like mine. Canetis rings might hold down their ears, rob them of their echolocation, and make them clumsy, but they didn't steal the powers of flight altogether. All around me, Waters scrambled up the railing of Tarrow's bridge and dropped off, giving them the lift they needed to break into flight. They skimmed across the centre pond, wings spraying droplets with every fanatic beat. Even as I darted through the garden, batting draping fronds and glowing vines out of my face, I couldn't help but notice just how many of them were gliding. Alarm flared up in my chest and spurred my scramble on.

All the Waters could fly. Except for one.

No. Other pups were scaling boulders and small trees, climbing up fountains and bits of fence where grapevines grew. They were tossing themselves into the air, all of them with merry cackles or delighted squeaks on their tongues as they wobbled off. Why hadn't I thought of that? Why hadn't I planned for this?

So all the pups in the garden could fly, apart from one. No one had brought this to attention before the ceremony began. Had no one thought of me? Did they even care? Now that I noticed it, shouldn't even Mother have extended a grain of pity my way and cut the rough rope that tied my wings together? She wouldn't want me to fail today, right? She- she didn't like punishing. She wouldn't want to find flaws in her children- She wouldn't use my inability to land myself a match today as an excuse to treat me as an outcast! She already had Augustus whom she hit- whyever should she want to turn against me? True, my mother may not have wanted to birth me, and perhaps she didn't love me quite as much as she should, but didn't she still like me, at the very least? Why should she want to torture one of her own smoke and blood?

In my panic, I tripped over a stick that branched into three at one end. Its sharp twigs scratched my thin legs. I fumbled, arms pinwheeling, and crashed against the bank of the pond. Dry dirt, flecks of stone, and bitter ashes gave way beneath me. I scrambled with my hands and feet, but that only loosened them more quickly. Helpless, muddled, grounded, I slid down a short slope and into the pond with a quiet plop.

Water flooded my ears and nose. It seeped between my lips and coated my teeth with mucky filth. Mud and dirt swirled around me, triggering deep panic I didn't realise I had. I drew a thicker glob of magic from Cosmo's supply through my core, blinking and straining as swirling grit rolled about in front of my face. A bright eel snaked past my fingers. I kicked off, thrashing my legs, and clawed my way back to the surface. Drenched, dripping, I dragged myself onto solid ground.

Was it over? It couldn't be over yet- we'd only just begun. Anti-Fairies still swirled about every which way, though of course we'd had the order of the zodiac stamped across our brains ever since we were born. We knew which direction to go, who we'd find. Perhaps it would have been better for me to remain on Sunnie's bridge, and allow a Sky with a Water ring to come to me. I scowled in the general direction of several older damsels roosting together in a tree, hoping they wouldn't notice.

On my feet again. I hadn't lost my Sky ring, thank Tarrow, and I kept my hand in a fist as I dodged around topiaries and tried not to crush the vibrant flowers. At least not more than necessary.

When I broke from the thick bushes and stumbled across the mosaic of white and navy-blue tiles that formed a bird with wings outspread across the ground, I paused to orient my senses. It was mostly empty in this corner of the gardens. All the Skys had moved from their places, apart from two who had clearly bonded with one another. They say together, happy as larks, beside the great astrolobe. I didn't recognize either one of them. How many commoners had been brought in from the outside world to steal our opportunities, again?

I waited impatiently for a break in their conversation, then when the pair looked over at me, asked, "Would either of you happen to know the number of Skys who opened Water rings tonight?"

They shrugged. "There were only sixteen of us to start with," the damsel said.

"Right, thank you." I stumbled on around the gardens, heading towards Twis' section, knowing it was perhaps in vain. Already, Anti-Fairies were flying less across the pond, and settling more on the ground with partners in hand. A few here and there still raced about, attempting to match up. I had a Breath and a Fire approach me, but I could only shake my head and watch regretfully as they flew off.

I hurried through Twis' winding tunnel and headed on towards Winni's birdhouses, beehives, and peacock coops. In the process, I passed Ashley (me feeling a bit more relieved than more traditional adults might have liked when I saw the ring in his palm was green for the year of Leaves). He hadn't found a partner quite yet either, but I pointed him back the way I'd come, knowing with a twinge of jealousy that he surely would. How many Leaves with Sky rings could there be?

How many Skys with Water rings could there be?

A chilling quiet had fast begun to fall across the gardens. The dark lanterns bobbed on their strings. The plants around me weren't rustling quite as loud and fast anymore. Anti-Fairies were beginning to pull in their wings and settle down. The babbling voices were ones of excitement and greeting, not the calling out for a partner to meet them beside a certain aspect of the garden. In fact-

It was almost as though-

it-

were-

all-

… over.

It was over.

I made another circle around the garden at top speed, my arms pumping, wings fluttering at my back, bare feet slapping, only to be greeted with pitying glances by those who had sat down hand in hand with their betrothed.

The Skys were taken.

And it was over.

Back on Sunnie's lonely bridge, I collapsed to my knees and grabbed my hair in my fists. "No! That can't be it! This isn't the end!" Both hands dropped to the ground. I slammed them into the ashes, keeping my head bowed. My shoulders shook. "It's not fair!"

Gradually, the paper lanterns hanging from their strings began to glow around me. Anti-Bryndin and Anti-Elina must have lit their master candles again. As I crouched, huddled beneath the huge sleeves of my inverted tunic and my shaking wings, turquoise lantern light flickered over my arms.

"It's not fair," I whispered. The tip of my nose brushed the wood of Sunnie's bridge. Around me were tiny footsteps, adult wingbeats, and voices, and praise, and congratulations. Kisses and welcomes to the family line, to the rank of nobility. It was over. Because it was over, the lanterns had been lit again. Because the lanterns had been lit again, whole families of parents and pups now began to make their way across the gardens towards the rear entrance of the Castle again. In they would go, to feast and laugh in the great hall.

I clenched my fists until my claws bit my palms. So this was to be my fate. I accepted it with a bitter gulp. I did not pay attention to my peers when they shot me pitying glances as they passed by hand in hand with their newfound partners. I did not care. I did not feel…

… ashamed.

No. I covered my mouth, squeezing my lips. Then, blindly, I drew back my arm and hurled my Sky ring through the railing of Sunnie's bridge. It pinged off a stepping stone and splashed somewhere in the middle of the pond. Then I slapped my hands to the wood again, and shook alone.

I raised my eyes at last, though not my head, when Anti-Buster's shiny black shoes and fluttering cloak hem came to a stop right in front of me. "Julius," he said, "the ceremony is finished. You know the Castle rules, sir. No pups allowed in the garden unsupervised during mealtimes."

I shook my head.

"Come along, sir," he prompted, making no attempt to reach out to me- physically, or emotionally. "You're expected in the great hall for supper."

A second, smaller figure stepped out from behind Anti-Buster. For a hopeful instant, I thought it might be Augustus. He was thin like Augustus, he wore a purple flower in his shirt today to represent Love like Augustus, and the two had the same middle tone of blue fur and the same ringless hand. But it wasn't Augustus. This nose was small and pointed instead of long and rounded, the hair black and long in the back instead of short and blue. It was Caden.

He crouched beside me and lifted my hand. "Tarrow's plans for you all be coming together later, matey," he promised. "You've simply not reached there yet. Your soulmate just never arrived at the Castle today. Arr, perhaps he or she has yet to be born. You be only four and a half years old, aye? It perhaps be a long time until you be finding the right one to marry. Tarrow trusts you, and he be guiding you along your destiny. Rest assured of that."

I jerked my hand away. "I don't want to wait until later! I was promised a soulmate. Tarrow wouldn't want both me and my brother to suffer this way!"

Anti-Buster's scalding pink eyes lingered on my fingertips. "Sir? Where is your betrothal ring?"

"Um…" I remembered the satisfying plunk the thing had made when its shiny surface had broken the still water. My ear twitched. "See, I, ah, dropped it just a moment ago. I'll go and fetch it. I know it's a sacred thing."

He studied me for a moment, then sighed and turned with a swish of his cloak. "Wherever it is, go and fetch it. Don't try to return it to the box in Tarrow's gazebo- just bring it straight inside. Do be quick, sir. I have duties to oversee inside. I will allow you a moment to gather your composure before you join the introductory ceremony and place your unclaimed ring on the head table. If you have not come inside by the time the food is presented, I will come and locate you again."

Better luck next time, was the implication. Only, there wouldn't be a next time. I nodded slowly as Caden gave me a wave and the two moved off towards the Castle.

Retrieving that miserable betrothal ring from the pond wouldn't be pleasant, but I knew the rule of our little game nonetheless. If the ring wasn't placed on the finger of our fated match tonight, it was to be returned to Anti-Buster during the ceremony inside, so that he could hold it in a safe place should we ever marry our true soulmate and want it back for sentimental reasons.

I left Sunnie's bridge and crept down the bank, holding the reeds in my fists and testing for solid ground with each step as I went. Perhaps it was a bit silly. After all, even if I approached the pond cautiously, I had thrown the ring a fair distance for my little arm, so getting wet in order to retrieve it was inevitable. When I realised that, I let go of the reeds and slid down onto a smooth brown rock. Cold, black water sucked at my ankles. A certain electric hum tingled in the air.

Well. No time. Inhaling a deep suck of magic, I stepped off the rock.

A shape lurched out at me from under the bridge.

With a yelp, I flashed my right hand towards my left hip, where my silver training sheath usually hung with my child-safety wand tucked away inside. The sheath that had been taken away for tonight, as we weren't permitted to call upon magic as we searched the gardens. A pity. I scrambled backwards, grabbing at reeds that snapped and dipped in my hands. My feet slipped, I slipped, and together me and my feet crashed into the pond.

Drenched, sputtering, I looked up as the dark shape from beneath the bridge burst out of the water in front of me and turned into a damsel about my age. "Guys, guys, I grabbed the glower!" she crowed, holding a purple, bioluminescent royal toad in her hands. Then her smile dropped. She pricked her ears with a jingle of canetis rings. "Good gravy. Did you guys and girls get going without me?"

Her fur was lighter in colour than mine; understandably she was a little taller than I was, though the dark water whisking about her calves made it difficult to tell for certain whether or not she were standing on sloped ground. This was, after all, the creek which ran downhill beneath Sunnie's bridge to the pond. Perhaps the oddest thing about her was the colour of her wings. Most Anti-Fairies bore black ones, though some ranged to dark brown. Even grey wasn't entirely unheard of. However, this damsel's wings were such a pale shade of brown, they were almost pink.

Not that she didn't have enough black on her elsewhere. The damsel's short hair gleamed shiny black like the water and leaves around us, puffy and springy despite the water dripping from her curls. Her eyes were red, the lack of colour indicating non-noble blood. She stood there, her soaked brown coat clinging to her thin frame. Its hood had filled with water, gradually draining and dripping down her back and making her shiver. The sleeves were much too big for her. They drooped over her hands, and over part of the royal toad as well.

"Uh…" I still sat in the muck, my knees jabbing out of the water. My toes clenched. I shifted my eyes to her bare right hand. "H-how long were you under that bridge?"

The damsel hummed as she thought about it. "It's impossible to ensure exactly accurate information. An eternity, almost."

Could… this be my fate? I didn't dare check the colour of her crown. Not yet.

"You're free to feel my frog," the damsel assured me. She pushed the toad's wrinkled, purple mouth against my cheek. Its throat swelled like a bubble, then released as it croaked. I pushed her wrist away.

"Ah, let's maybe put the toad back where he belongs now, darling."

She grinned at me with slightly yellowed fangs. Definitely a foreigner to this part of Plane 8; no one who took residence in the Blue Castle or lived in the nearby Anti-Fairy World capital city of Luna's Landing would dare allow their teeth to look so filthy. "You mean, 'I propose we perhaps place our purple pal in the precarious pond permanently'."

I curled my lips into a smile. "I see you're a fan of alliteration. I'm from the Anti-Coppertalon colony. My name is Julius Anti-Lunifly. Could I compare it with yours?"

She hummed again for a moment before she gave in. "Mona Anti-Feldspar. Anti-Bentleaf colony." Mona studied the toad still in her hands, then, with clear reluctance, set it down in the mud nearby. The tubby toad gave out one last croak and hopped away into the reeds.

Once her hands were free, Mona placed one across her stomach and bowed. The other hand, she offered to me. I took it, water droplets sloshing down my arm, and allowed her to pull me to my feet, whereupon I removed my turquoise-blue crown and bowed in return. She really was taller than me. Not by much, and not for long, I hoped. With luck, I might outgrow her by the time we hit 150,000.

"Yay, you're a Water whippersnapper," she said, studying the crown as I replaced it in the gravitational field above my head.

"Oh? What do you mean by 'Yay', pray tell?" For the first time, I dared to take a peek above her head. My core seemingly fell from my head to my throat and pumped until my tongue dried in my mouth. Could this be true? Was it all really happening? Did Tarrow care about me enough to bless me with a soulmate after all? If she was a Sky, her crown turned temporarily navy blue-

…

It was brown.

Mona felt around in one of the bulging pockets of her coat. She wore an amauti, I realized, though I had to think the word over carefully to ensure I remembered right. It was quite thick and fluffed up, its hood enormous and engulfing. The coat stretched just past her knees like a tunic. If it was indeed a true amauti, that meant she was an anti-qalupalik. Faeumbra crepito, her subspecies was called. Her bobbing crown bore only three points instead of the anti-fairy six. Oh! That would explain the pale pink-brown wings. The patron bat of the anti-fairy subspecies was the Elrulian free-tail, which had given my kind our long tails and white toes. The anti-qalupalik patron happened to be the northern ghost bat. Yes, that sounded right. Though northern compared to where, I didn't remember being told. That was research for another day.

"My meaning," she said cheerily as she drew a blue ring from her pocket, "must make manifest that I'm matched with a Water man."

"Really?" I studied my reflection in her crown and straightened my wings. "I say, that's a lark. I'm matched with a Soil."

Mona's eyes brightened from deep maroon to cherry crimson. She let out a short, pleasant hum. "Crikey! That's a convenient coincidence. Can I catch the colour?"

She meant the ring. She wanted to see the ring. Now? I tapped the claws of my right hand against my knee, then gave my ear a flick.

"Well now, see, when I was out and about searching for my match, I dropped it in the pond. That's why I'm out here after everyone else went in. And, here we are. Quite the marvellous display of fate, wouldn't you say?"

Mona had begun to suck on her knuckle when I'd said, 'Everyone else went in'. "Our friends and fellows went forward feasting without us?"

"Good smoke, how long were you under that bridge for? I'm beginning to wonder if the water clogged your pointed ears." I presented her with what I hoped was a reassuring grin, and reached out to give her cheek two quick pats. "Hurry along and find us a place in line so we can announce ourselves at the ceremony, darling. I'll fetch it back and catch up to you quick. Go on."

Mona nodded. Still shaking water out of her hood, she scrambled up the bank on the other side of Sunnie's bridge and hastened off.

Once she'd vanished into Saturn's Fire segment of the garden, and hopefully from there to Dayfry's and the Castle after that, I released the magic in my cheeks. I climbed out of the pond and picked my way around until I stood before one of the seven stepping stone paths that led up to Tarrow's gazebo.

No one tried to stop me. This had to be my fate.

I dipped my thumbtoe in the pond. Again, silly and pointless, seeing as my tunic was already rather soaked and threatening to chafe. The first stepping stone was too far a jump for me to make with my wings tied against my back. The attempt sent me plunging down. Black water exploded through my mouth and down my throat; I had to swallow it. Sputtering, I sloshed over to the first stone and dropped my cheek against its jutting corners. One down. In this painful manner, I hopped my way across the pond to Tarrow's looming black and red gazebo on its little centre island.

The ornate white box still rested inside, alone on a tiny dais, like the head table in the great hall. I lingered at the gazebo entrance, kneading my knuckles against my thumbs. A lingering creepiness stirred the air about the place and sent my knees trembling. I hardly dared to disturb a place which seemed so sacred.

Then I remembered Augustus with his ringless hand. I remembered the shame of trembling on the ground while my proud peers all looked upon me in mocking. I took a breath, took a step, and lifted the lid of the box with two shaking hands.

Less than a dozen neat packets remained inside. I had to unwrap four of them before I found a Soil ring, sparkling and amber brown. I grabbed it, shoved it on my finger, stuffed the black handkerchief between my fangs, and tied the rest of the betrothal rings back up as I had found them. True, I was generally clumsy for a creature born in the Water year (said to carry Sunnie's blessing of agility), but I was adept in my fine motor skills and quite a natural at tying knots.

Then I shut the box's lid and backed out of the gazebo. The sickly, warning feeling clung like fog to the ends of my fur.

"I'm actually doing this," I murmured, fingering the Soil ring as I stared at the box. "No one is stopping me. This must be my fate."

I didn't waste any more time idling. I hopped the stepping stones back to Dayfry's section of the garden, paused to dip the ring in the pond so it would be wet when I gave it to Mona, and sprinted for the door.

It was a long run from the rear of the Castle to the great hall, but the thrill of locking eyes with Mona again lent wings to my heels. I heard the bustling noise of the celebration all the way from the courtyard. Shrill pup voices cut through the air on occasion as each pair came up to the dais and introduced themselves to the High Count and Countess, after which Anti-Bryndin would repeat their names in his bouncing chirrup for the crowd. And I laughed as I ran. I was one of them! I was one of them!

The doors to the great hall had been propped open, thank Tarrow. Yes, I did thank him quite a bit. I glanced swiftly about for Mother, didn't spy her, and ducked in without being much noticed by anyone. Vegetable-stuffed tortilla strips rolled up like pinwheels, creamy heaps of golden corn, vanilla-frosted cockroaches, platters of stinky cheese (Pass!), skewered chunks of mango and apple, young mice with strawberries stuffed in their mouths, blue beans, and baskets of honey-drizzled bread slices had already been spread across the tables.

A long line of pups snaked along the far wall, leading up to the head table where Anti-Bryndin stood. Rosy red light filtered in through the barred windows above the newly-betrothed pairs, along with the occasional dust mote that would instantly captivate those whose heads it floated over. I shook my head. Youth.

Mona, of course, waited at the rear of the line with her hood mostly up and hands stuffed in her amauti pockets. She'd been craning her neck towards the doors, ears frantically twitching in the hopes of scooping up my shape and form. When I slipped over to her, her wings and shoulders relaxed.

"Ready to roll? Did you round me up a real ring?"

"Of course," I puffed out. Then and there, I lifted her right hand and slid it over her claw and into place on her middle finger. She studied it, tilting her hand one way and the other to watch the torchlight glint off its sleek brown surface. I leaned my own hands against my knees then, still soaked and freezing, now fighting against my Fairy Refract counterpart Dame Cosmo for a sizable share of Cosmo Prime's filtered magic to drink from, until Mona held up her Water ring. I extended my hand to her, palm down, with my eyelids tightened. I didn't dare watch, for in doing so, I might shatter the dream. Thereupon I would jolt awake, wet not from the pond but from my tears, shivering in the garden outside without a match to my name.

The foggilite was cold, smooth, and beautiful against my knuckle. When I peeked, Mona stood in front of me, smiling with those faint yellow teeth. They weren't so yellow in this light, even though it was the colour all the torches in the hall were glowing. They were very pretty teeth; her fangs were short and sharp, as opposed to being long and slightly curled like mine.

"Perfect pair of partners," she whispered. She gave my hand a squeeze. Like we belonged together! She held it the whole time we stood in line, our hands swinging and both of us giddy as caterpillars. Eventually, we stepped onto the dais where Anti-Bryndin stood to greet us. Anti-Elina perched on the table with her legs dangling in front, a patient smile pressed against her lips. Anti-Buster sat in the leftmost chair, his foreclaws resting against his lips. I pointed at Mona and grinned at him. He did not acknowledge it.

Anti-Bryndin tipped his head when he saw me. He gestured to me with his hand. "You?"

I lifted my chin. "Julius Anti-Lunifly of the Anti-Coppertalon colony. She's Mona Anti-Feldspar of the Anti-Bentleaf colony. I asked."

Mona hummed with amusement. Several chuckles circled the great hall. Oops. Had I spoken out of turn, introducing Mona instead of allowing her to introduce herself? I shook my head and laughed along with them, because I didn't even care. Anti-Bryndin repeated what I'd said in a much deeper, louder voice. My roaming eyes at last picked out my mother, sitting at one of the nearest tables beside a beaming Augustus. The frown on her face as she sized up Mona suggested she'd had higher hopes, but that was only to be expected from her. Her scathing blue eyes were not washing over me, shaming me, and I was quite all right with that.

Mona and I dropped off the dais and sought out a place to sit. Augustus motioned us over. Goody-goody that he was, he was hardly popular and space had been left on the bench beside him. I bit my lip, glancing left and right. I always sat with Augustus at supper. Where were the other matched pups, the popular crowd?

Tumble waved us over to another nearby table. Samuel, Teresa, and Harriet joined in with eager whispers and low congratulations. I pulled Mona after me, and made sure she had no trouble taking her seat. Of course, it was easier for her, since she was taller and her wings weren't tied like mine. But, I didn't make as much of a fool as I normally did, scrambling onto the bench. I settled myself, up on my knees, hands braced against the table, and looked about.

"Pass the garlic bread and the blue beans, please, Electro, old chap. Oh, and the pickled pinkies along with it. I'm in the mood to celebrate!"

Ashley leaned forward on his elbows. "I'm glad for you, Julius. When I saw you sitting on the ground, I was worried you'd given up hope."

"Me? Perish the thought. Since when do I ever give up on my long-term goals?" I paused then, and tilted my head. "What about you? Did you…?"

He shrugged his wings. "Tarrow knows what he's doing. Everything will work out for the best one of these days."

"Oh. I see."

Together we ate and joked, devouring probably more of the appetizers than we ought to, the main course not having even been revealed yet (Though the rumours hinted the cooks were planning to bring in roasted lidérc and griffin veal for the occasion). When I was mid-bite in another piece of garlic bread, Mona hummed and nudged me between the ribs with her elbow.

"Julius, the culprit in the crimson cape is currently catching curiosity."

I turned my head. The bread fell from my mouth. Anti-Buster was indeed staring in our direction. Or rather, directly at my eyes. As I watched, frozen, he leaned over and murmured something in Anti-Bryndin's ear without dropping eye contact. Anti-Bryndin looked up from his honeywheat roll and looked over at me too. Then he looked sharply at Anti-Buster. Then at me again. He put the roll down.

"Uh-oh," I said, sinking everything below my nose beneath the table. "I'm in trouble."

"Darn declared?" Mona asked. "You didn't dare do anything deeply dangerous or despicable. Did you?"

Anti-Buster braced both hands against the table. He pushed back his chair, rose, pushed it in again, then descended from the head table and started in my direction. I covered my face, sinking lower, as Mona and the others tried to urge me up again.

All too soon, Anti-Buster closed his hand over my shoulder. "Julius?" he asked, his voice low and nearly disappearing beneath the conversations around us. "Might I have a word with you in private, sir?"

I shook my head, clinging to my bangs.

"I request an audience, sir." Anti-Buster lowered one of my hands from my face and tugged me out of my seat. His grip on my wrist was gentle, but I still shook him off and tailed miserably after him without being dragged along. The gazes and whispers of those still at the table stung the back of my neck.

We moved out of the great hall and into the silent hallway. Anti-Buster took several steps down the statue-lined corridor that led to the Castle's front entrance, then turned around. "What happened during the betrothal ceremony tonight, sir?"

I tried to meet his eyes, but the tears forced my swimming gaze to flicker down again. I tugged at the front of my tunic. It was still inside-out, damp, and truly beginning to chafe now. My toes tightened into the rug. "D-did something happen?" I asked. "I drew a Soil ring from my handkerchief bundle. When the lanterns went out, I looked about to find my match, same as anyone. Mona had slipped into the pond before the ceremony to chase a royal toad. Sh-she's an anti-qalupalik. They like water, and because we breathe magic from our c-counterpart's cores, we Anti-Fairies can of course stay underwater near indefinitely. Sh-she told me when we were at the table just now that she wants to heal animals when she grows up. So, she was in the pond, and for a time I couldn't find her. But in the end, after everyone started to go inside, I did. We met beside the pond. That's what happened. I swear it."

"Is that the truth?"

His eyes oozed across my scalp like stinging pink jellysweepers. I shoved my tears away with my knuckles and shook my head. "It's- I- Mona's my fated! We exchanged rings and we're together now, and we're happy. That's fate, isn't it?"

Anti-Buster said nothing, which was worse than him saying something. Scoldings I could take, but this waiting game burned my flesh from the inside out. I inhaled another trickle of magic through my core, then steadied my chin and looked up.

"H-how did you figure me out? It was my ear, wasn't it? Ashley always tells me my left ear flicks backwards when I lie. I can't help it."

Anti-Buster gave me a long, slow nod. He studied me for a moment more, then unfastened the black jellysweeper clasp on his cloak. Bending down, he removed the cloak and wrapped it around my shoulders instead. It was enormous, of course, but he closed it at my front and pinned the two sides together. The jellysweeper's tentacles stretched between them like chain links.

"Whoa," I said. I had to close my eyes and rub them with my fists before I dared to open them again.

"What do you see when you wear Tarrow's sacred garment, sir?"

"I…" I blinked again. My fingers closed. I lay them against my chest. "You… you're wearing a shirt."

It wasn't the most intelligent observation I'd ever made in my life, but for a moment, it was awfully important. Of course, Anti-Bryndin always wore his black shirt beneath his red cloak. But suddenly he had… Well, this shirt was very different. It hovered around him, clinging in place like a large sweater, as real as my eyelashes and yet as intangible as a rainbow. And it was rainbow. Perhaps hundreds of coloured threads wove in and out of connection with one another winding in thick, loose loops. Perhaps thousands. Long tendrils of yarn curled out from the edges of the metaphysical sweater, drifting about like jellysweeper tentacles. The ends snaked off to unknown realms- many into the great hall, and others simply around the corner until they disappeared

Anti-Buster dipped his head. "Look down at what you're holding, sir."

I'd been so busy trying to figure out how his second shirt was floating around him without exactly touching his body that I hadn't realized I was holding anything, but I did as he asked. I didn't wear a shirt like he did. In fact, I was practically naked, my tunic nonexistent. But, I did wear a thin ribbon of yarn around my neck, like the beginnings of a scarf. Its tail looped around my wrist. The tassels of the little scarf shimmered, somehow as green as my eyes and yet as turquoise as Sunnie's Water symbol, and sprouted like pasta noodles. The vast majority led into the great hall. A solid white line, thick and glowing, came from my head. It disappeared straight into the floor between my feet. Every other second, a burst of colour shot up from it and into my being. Usually yellow, though I saw one purple puff. Another white cord from my head led up into the ceiling, this time without the coloured puffs. Of course- those connected my core to that of Cosmo Prime and Dame Cosmo, he somewhere below on the lower Planes of Existence, she above. Those bright pulses must be the magic that I breathed.

"Sir?"

Oh. Right. My hands clutched a single length of yarn. Where it left my scarf, it was blue and green like the others. A mass of it lay scrunched at my feet before the length curled up again to meet my left fist. From there, it stretched to my right hand, so I held the yarn in both. Between them, the colours abruptly split. A fat blank tangle stared up at me. The writhing aura it projected made my stomach churn and my fingers crispen like I'd sat with my wings too near a torch.

Everything was green and blue to the left of the knot. On its right, the yarn turned simultaneously brown and yellow. That thread snaked around my hand and off into the great hall like the others, but I didn't have to ask to realise that if I followed it, it would lead me to where Mona sat, feasting happily. The knot between us must lie at the exact centre point. Perhaps it would stretch when we moved apart.

"You split your fate," Anti-Buster said patiently when I stammered out the obvious question. He still crouched, sharp knees pointed like spires, or claws. He had two white yarns stretching from his head like I did, and of course the engulfing rainbow sweater. "You took two people who weren't intended to closely bond together and forced them to meet anyway. If you and your partner were truly fated, the blend at the halfway point between your yarns would be seamless and red."

So the brown and yellow was indeed Mona's yarn. Perhaps she wore a little scarf of the stuff like I did. If these bits of yarn connected me to people I'd come in contact with, and Anti-Buster was older than both of us, it made sense that he would have enough yarn to form his sweater, whereas our supply was more limited as of now. I raised my gaze to meet his. "Am I in trouble?"

Anti-Buster folded his hands together, letting them rest between his knees. The purple ring on his middle finger caught the torchlight. "You aren't in trouble, sir."

"But you're still mad at me," I guessed, taking a step back. My fingers clenched around the yarn in my hands. My toes caught in the cloak. Anti-Buster grabbed my arm to keep me from falling over.

"No. None of us are mad, Julius."

"Disappointed?"

"Curious." Anti-Buster ensured that I was balanced, then withdrew his fingers. He pursed his lips. "You knew you were forbidden from entering Tarrow's gazebo. But you did, sir. You knew the rule that, were you not to find a match here at the Castle today, you were to retire with dignity inside with the rest of us and accept the destiny that had been laid out before you. But you didn't. You weren't meant to cut the canetis rings from your ears. And yet, again, you did, sir. You have always acted against your destiny."

I released Mona's half of the yarn and covered my eyes. "Well, because it's not fair! Why should everyone else get to be betrothed, but not me? I waited just as long for this as anyone. I worked just as hard to find a match as anyone. Harder, even- I think I can go as far as saying that. I believed just as much as anyone else!" My hand dropped. "Anti-Buster, I want to believe in the Zodii philosophy, but… I don't know if I can put my faith in nature spirits who make me feel like- like I'm worth less than the people around me who didn't wait as long, or work as hard, or believe as much as I did."

Anti-Buster considered my words with four of his claws pressed together in front of his lips. I held my cheeks puffed, bracing myself

Instead, he nodded. It was long, and slow. "We would never force you to believe in the Zodii philosophy, sir. Should you wish to be, you may be excused from the proceedings, as young Darrell was. You need only to respect our traditions so long as you live among those who do believe."

"But I want to believe!" I picked up Mona's brown and yellow trail of yarn again and stared until it blurred before my eyes. "If… if the nature spirits want me to care about them, then they have to prove they care about me. Don't they want me to be happy? Don't they love me as much as they love the other pups in the Castle? Or- or am I being punished just because I was born so long after Friday the 13th? Am I just a burden? Their side project? Their last choice when it comes to granting miracles? Do they even notice me at all?"

Anti-Buster stretched his hand forward and placed his fingertips to the jellysweeper clasp against my chest. I couldn't tell if he wanted to take his cloak back now, or if he just wanted to soothe my mounting anxiety, but I fell silent anyway.

"I'll allow you to make the choice, sir," he said, his tone as patient and smooth as it ever was. "If you bring your partner back up to where Anti-Bryndin, Anti-Elina, and I sit, and you tell the four of us the truth, then the black knot will come apart. Your fate will return to the way it was intended to be. Your partner, of course, will return to her colony knowing what you did, and no longer believing you are a fated match. You won't be betrothed any longer."

I shook my head rapidly. Losing Mona wasn't an option.

"Or…" Anti-Buster raised his eyebrows. "You can choose to proceed with your plan as you intended, having forced the match against Tarrow's design. You can keep your knot, sir. I will not tell anyone what you've told me. Your life plays out as you grow up in the Castle, hand in hand with the partner you've knotted fates with. We will see what becomes of it. It's your choice."

I bowed my head. My claws slid along the yarn, plucking at it here and there, but it didn't frizz or snap beneath my fingers. I knew it wasn't really there. Not really. This… this yarn was a thing of Plane 23. A holy, heavenly thing meant to be viewed by the nature spirits and the Wise Ancients. I shouldn't even be allowed to touch it like this.

My eyes squeezed shut. "I… I don't want to be an outcast like my brrrother. I really, really want to be betrothed. Everyone else gets to be betrothed. I don't want to worry about finding someone to marry when I grow up. I want to stay with Mona. I already like her. Please don't tell her I'm not her real match. Sh-she'd hate me."

I opened my eyes again. Just to the left of the black knot, the yarn broke apart. The threads unravelled, turned pink at their tips, then made themselves into a second knot and linked together again. My wings shook.

"Anti-Buster, it- it tied another knot. It's pink. What happened?"

He nodded. "You've made another karmic choice that resulted from your first action. You've begun to veer away from Tarrow's selected path for you."

"W-what does that mean?"

"A yarn that is free of knots is called 'destiny'. Those are fates that are touched by Tarrow's hands, and have not been interfered with by unnatural causes. If you want your fate to achieve the state of destiny, you'll have to figure out what you must do to untangle both knots." Anti-Buster slid his fingers down and placed two claws against my wrist. "In this case, you have to tell your partner what you've done."

Tell Mona I'd lied to her? Tell Mona I'd stolen from Tarrow's gazebo? Tell Mona I'd gone against his design? Tell Mona I was a liar and a thief and I'd been sacrilegious and-? I swallowed. "Is it… very bad if I have knots?"

Anti-Buster watched my face. He dipped his head again, just slightly. "That's for you to decide, sir. Tarrow outlined your destiny, but if you don't want to follow his plan, then it's your choice to split apart from it. Fate and destiny are real things, but you always have a choice to say no. You are your own Anti-Fairy. Never a plaything of the nature spirits."

As he started to unfasten the jellysweeper clasp at my neck, I realized something else. "Wait a moment. Your sweater has a significant number of knots in it." Most of them green. I raced my eyes along the ones nearest his throat. One of Anti-Buster's thickest threads appeared to be connected to his apparent soulmate, a fire-coloured yarn, in a blend of red and white; his red wasn't a seamless transition any more than mine was. It was a snarling knot the size of my fist, with fritzy fuzz sprouting in all directions. Other knots in various colours clumped around it.

The cloak came away. The loops of glowing yarn faded. "Yes," Anti-Buster said. "I have my own knots to carry, sir. I'm under no obligation to share why."

He stood. I stood too, just looking up at him for a moment. Then Anti-Buster beckoned for me to return to the great hall. "Finish your feast and enjoy every moment you spend with your partner, sir. Do seek me out if you ever feel the need. I would prefer you didn't tell your peers what we have discussed. The knots and the strings of fate are intended to be a sacred subject we only discuss when you're older. We don't want you worrying your puphood away. You are young, you will make mistakes, and you are learning to grow. On that note, please do not ask if I will let you wear my cloak again. It reveals far too much about yourself and your peers all at once, and isn't a garment to be worn lightly. There are Anti-Fairies who have been driven mad over matters like this, sir."

"Yes, Anti-Buster." But even so, I couldn't resist feeling at my bare neck as I returned to Mona, listened to her describe the mammoths and porpoises she wished to train someday, and later introduced myself to her mother and mum. Although there was no physical trace of them on Plane 8 where I grew up, as the years went by, I would pat my body and the air around me in search of my two known knots. Some days, under just the right circumstances, I swore I could truly feel them. They were solid things, tightly-wound things, resting at the base of my throat.

Try as I might to curiously pick at and loosen them with my claws, they never seemed to do anything more than fray.