(Posted May 1, 2018)

Spirited Forth

In which Julius deepens his understanding of his own identity, and begins to learn Anti-Bryndin's native tongue of Vatajasa

The entire camarilla court was still in the corridor. I crouched down in front of my study door, pressing my ear against the gap. My thin tail, always poking out from my pants when I knew I was alone, waved above me.

"How did this happen?" Anti-Autumn exploded. "They're not even a decade old. Why are they acting like that? Have they been sneaking out to Fairy World for years before this too?"

Anti-Irica snapped, "This all comes full circle back to you, Anti-Alin. 'Oh, they cut off their canetis rings, let's tie their wings instead of replacing them'. Now you've left them unbalanced for the rest of their life. Thanks."

"Hey, hey, it ain't the li'l Skippy Junior's fault," Anti-Richard soothed, his wings rustling as he flew from one end of the hallway to the other. "Why, why, hey! It's supposed to be caught in a dead sprint running through a family line, ain't it? Sure it is! And Julius' got a smasher of a brother, ain't that right? He's picture perfect! He's a superstar, you get? You get."

"Augustus doesn't have it," muttered Anti-Blaze. "And if Anti-Florensa does, she's done a smoofing fine job of keeping it under wraps. They must have gotten it from their father. Anti-Karina, are you finished 'thinking' yet?"

"I don't know what to say to them! I'm just a historian. I'm not really qualified for this kind of work."

Anti-Praxis sighed. I could hear his bare foot tapping against the ground. "Well, unless anyone thinks they can produce another actual, living, full-fledged Anti-Fairy afflicted with their condition in the next ten minutes, you're the best option we have."

Brief pause.

"Just go in there with confidence and a smile," Anti-Tuck urged. "Make them feel special. Think about everything you want to say before you say it, and cast it in the best possible light. Don't hurt their feelings. They're a sensitive child."

"I'll try."

Wingbeats. I jumped to my feet and backed away from the door. I tucked my tail beneath my tunic again. Then I settled back in my desk chair, hands knotted in my lap, just as the door opened. Anti-Karina, holder of the Seat of Soil on Anti-Elina's half of the court, floated in. She shut the door behind her, but I knew the rest of the camarilla could hear us. Of course they could hear us. Still, she caught my eye and smiled as though I were her only concern.

"Good morning, Julius."

"Why yes, it is quite the scrumptious morning, isn't it, Anti-Karina?"

Once we had wrapped up the opening small talk and I (politely) questioned the purpose of this meeting she'd requested with me, to my surprise, she began by saying, "We think there's a restless nature spirit trapped inside you, Julius. Most probably, a Fire one. Perhaps a baby."

"Is there?"

She nodded slightly. "You understand how two nature spirits come together as one to create the weather and change the seasons, don't you? And how when they come apart, the lesser spirit immediately gives birth to a baby that embodies the bond and the emotions they shared?"

"Yes? What's your point, darling?"

"It's possible that your particles ended up bonding with those of a newborn nature spirit when you were only lifesmoke. After all, you were in that state far longer than most pups, imprisoned by anti-cherubs until it was almost too late for you. You were there inside the Anti-Eros tower as it was burning. It would be an easy mistake."

The cold seeped into my cheeks. I squeezed my knees. "I didn't do it on purpose."

"I know, and I'm not blaming you at all," Anti-Karina assured me. She rested her hand on my shoulder. "But this spirit seems to be affecting your mind. We believe it to be a Fire spirit due to the fluctuations in your energy levels. After all, Saturn is also known as the spirit of Energy. Bonding with a baby spirit like this isn't a common predicament, but I assure you, the camarilla and everyone else in the Castle will assist you in working and growing with her as best as we can."

I shifted on my tail end. "Couldn't we possibly, um, remove… her?"

"Oh, sweetie." Her fingers stroked my hair. "No, we can't. But I hope you don't want to. She's part of you now. All you can do is learn to live with her."

"She balances me?"

"She balances you."

"Then that's quite all right, I suppose."

Anti-Karina continued smiling. "Do you understand what this means, Julius?"

"I'm not certain I do. Could you elaborate?"

"What do you know of Saturn's alternate forms?"

I glanced towards Anti-Robin's carved blessing tokens lining their usual shelf on my study wall, across from my desk. "His sacred animal, the horned lizard?"

"No, I mean his alternate selves."

"His seasonal forms?" Saturn's spring form was one of antsyness and immaturity. His summer form was passionate and powerful, his autumn form determined and show-offy, and his winter form wisened and dignified.

Anti-Karina cleared her throat. "I'm talking about when nature spirits take each other's favours. For example, Anti-Bryndin currently holds Winni's favour: The beryl button on his scarf. Anti-Elina holds Thurmondo's favour: the jade circlet on her head. But what happens when both parties involved in a favour bond are nature spirits?"

"Let me remember. When Saturn takes Sunnie's favour, his appearance doesn't particularly change, but he takes on the persona of the Prince of Stone. Although he remains Saturn at heart with most of his personality intact, he gains the ability to draw upon Sunnie's mastery: Water, Focus, tact, introspection, education, logic, tranquility, and the like. It is then Saturn, acting as the Prince of Stone, who has the authority to distribute blessings in Sunnie's name, and accept Sunnie's offerings as though they were his own. On rare occasion, their roles can be reversed, and Sunnie can take Saturn's favour. However, that almost never, never happens, because Saturn is more dominant. Therefore it's his right and fate to play the host." Nodding, I began to count off on my claws. "When Saturn wears Munn's favour, he becomes the Prince of Lightning. With Twis he's the Prince of Ash, with Winni the Prince of Lava, and Thurmondo the Prince of Nitrogen. And of course, Dayfry ever represents neutrality and balance. He never accepts his brothers' favours in modern times, so we have no record of what Princes would come to light then."

"That's right." Anti-Karina drew a few lines on her leg with her fingertip. "And when two bonded spirits come apart, the child that results from that union takes on the characteristics of that bond. For example, Beira, the spirit of winter, was born of Sunnie and Twis after they disengaged from being the Prince of Mud. What does the bond between Sunnie and Twis represent?"

I rubbed behind my neck. "Although Dayfry is the zodiac spirit of Love, we acknowledge that there are seven types of love. Dayfry himself embodies Philia, the love for everyone as though we were all his brothers and sisters. Sunnie embodies Agape, or selfless and unconditional love, and Twis embodies Pragma, or long-lasting companionate love. Their relationship is one of calmness, tenderness, maturity, and friendly affection. That's why we say they have a yellow bond, and believe that those born in the Water and Soil years are naturally compatible. That's the type of love Mona and I are striving towards. Though privately, I would prefer a little more Eros and Ludus in my future that one might expect from our bond, if you know what I mean."

"Good. Now-"

"Saturn embodies Eros, or passionate and sexual love, and Munn embodies Ludus, or playful and lighthearted love. Their relationship is one of desire and flirtation. Lastly, Winni embodies Philautia, care for oneself to ensure one is physically and emotionally prepared to provide for the needs of their partners. Thurmondo embodies Storge, or the love that grants one forgiveness, patience, and assists one in fulfilling their expected duties, such as when facing a reluctant honey-lock. If I do recall." Of course I did. Anti-Fairies never forget anything.

"-Well. Thank you for summarising, Julius."

"My pleasure, Anti-Karina."

She paused for a moment to scratch her head, and apparently regather her thoughts. "Yes. Because your energy levels come and go so quickly, and strike hard in both directions when they do, my prediction is that when you were born, your particles became entangled with those of a baby lightning spirit."

I tipped my head. "That would make sense. Saturn and Munn are creatures of explosive passion, so lightning spirits do tend to be quite common in the air."

Anti-Karina nodded. "Let us try to communicate with her. Perhaps she'll tell us her name."

"You want to speak with the spirit inside me?"

"It's worth a try."

"All right," I said slowly. I watched Anti-Karina sit on the floor, folding her legs. I sat down across from her and allowed her to take the lead. She took my hands in hers. We closed our eyes. Anti-Karina leaned in, and I felt her mind penetrate my own like a spear.

I jerked back at once, gasping in the process. Anti-Karina flicked back her ears. "Is something the matter?"

"I- Um-" I fanned my hand at my face, knowing it was pointless, as the blood from my core was flowing down into my cheeks anyway. "I didn't realise we were mind-melding. It's, um, my first time. A-and it's just such an intimate, private experience, you know? Feeling another person's mind pushing inside yours that way? My apologies, darling. Do try it again. I won't squirm. I'll be patient and good. You'll see. Right now. I can and I will."

She began the mind-meld again, forcing her cold mental energy to weave between the wrinkles of my brain and fan out like the gentle strands in a cobweb. She probed through several places in my memories, prowling as though on the hunt. When I felt her combing through my memories of the day Mona and I were betrothed, I began to feel as though I were peeling onions. Fortunately, she moved on before she could learn too much.

"I believe the young lightning spirit inside you is trying to tell us that her name is Clarice," Anti-Karina announced after a few moments of silence had gone by. She pulled the piercing spike of her mental energy away from my head. The tingling sensation in the forefront of my mind lightened up. The green glow around her hands faded into nothingness.

I wasn't sure precisely where she picked the name "Clarice" up from, as I didn't recall ever hearing it before in my life. Yet when I whispered the name to myself, it tasted pleasant on my tongue. "Well, then. I'm honoured to host Clarice's spirit alongside my own. I do hope she guides me well."

The camarilla were all still waiting outside my door when Anti-Karina opened it, even though they pretended that they weren't. "We had a good talk," she told them, patting my shoulder, "and I think they feel they have a much better understanding about themselves and the whole thing. Don't you, Julius?"

"'He,'" I corrected, cautious and confused. "I'm a drake."

Anti-Karina glanced at the ceiling. "Yes, well… You have two spirits inside your body. Now that we're aware of it, it's appropriate to call you 'they.' That's what High Count Anti-Kahnii did eons ago when the Anti-Fairies first became an organized society. We continue such a practice today."

Oh. Well, if that was our people's cultural tradition, who was I to argue? I mean, it wasn't a big deal. I didn't mind if other Anti-Fairies wanted to call me "they." In fact, it was sort of a flattering relief. So it turned out that Ambrosine was wrong after all! I wasn't a drone Fairy in an Anti-Fairy's body, and I didn't require any silly dominance pheromones. My condition must be natural and acceptable in the eyes of the spirits, because Anti-Fairies had a word for me! I wasn't crazy! I just had a nature spirit who accidentally got tangled up inside my brain!

"Hello, Clarice," I whispered when I was left alone. "It's the two of us now."

There was no response. Was there supposed to be? I didn't feel noticeably different or special. Maybe that just meant Clarice had silently been with me my entire life.

Mona, Ashley, and Caden threw a small celebration in the courtyard for me after the reveal. Well, Caden did all the organising, and created most of the decorations, and baked the bread we ate. But Mona and Ashley did show up. Still, I ensured that he received the biggest, most gracious hug. What a joy, to have a friend who cared so much about me, even though he was neither my cousin nor my betrothed!

I progressed. My research concerning the Anti-Fairy reproductive system was exhilarating and exhausting simultaneously. I had approximately six billion years of recorded history to sift through in the span of only one lifetime. Well, more like five billion, really, seeing as that's when the ancient Anti-Fairy ancestor race, the Solitary Fae, began to take form. Few primary source documents had survived from that time period. The ones that had needed to be sent for specifically, and carried in by the annual trade ships from the massive underground library system on Planet Yugopotamia. One piece I was after eluded me for three years entirely before the workers there managed to locate it in their cluttered bins. Another required an army of soldiers to invade and blow up two planets before they found a legible copy. Such are the lengths one must be willing to go in pursuit of scientific discovery.

And on top of that, the personality profile I'd been born with only knew how to read Snobbish. Thousands upon thousands of texts were written in the original Anti-Fairy language, Vatajasa, and others in the old Fairy tongue, Gaideliac. While I knew they spoke Vatajasa predominantly in the Far West Region, and the Maroon Robe himself was practically always a native speaker as a result, the only Anti-Fairies I knew in the Castle who had enough mastery of the language to unravel ancient texts with me were Anti-Bryndin and my own mum. Of course, neither of those options appealed to me. Sigh.

But I was nothing if not a determined child. I decided to approach the less intimidating potential teacher first. One day while passing Anti-Bryndin in the corridor as he cooed over Winslow in his arms, I greeted him with, "Ben'argenta, Vürstlik Anti-Bryndin."

So delighted was he with my seemingly overnight fluency in his native tongue, he stopped right there, grabbed my shoulder, and launched immediately into a spiel about Anti-Fairy culture and history. All in a language I didn't understand more than a few basic words of, mind you. It took me upwards of an hour to disentangle myself from his attention. In retrospect, not my most well-thought-out idea.

Option 2. I found my mother in the courtyard one day, outfitted in a dirty purple tunic, overseeing several young juveniles who were practicing their combat techniques on a small white demon. Her familiar staff stood at her side. I approached her at an angle, not wanting to startle her, and bit my lip.

"Mum?"

Her ears twitched in my direction, though her eyes remained locked on the anti-fairies in the sandpit. "What do you want, Julius? I'm working right now."

"Can… can you teach me some Vatajasa?"

My mum turned her head. She flicked her ears left, then right. Then at me again. "This is a trick. Who put you up to this?"

I braced myself for the impending blow, arms flying up to block my face. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to bother you! I just want to know some, a-and no one speaks it as good as you do except Anti-Bryndin, and I d-didn't want to bother him. I'm sorry! I'll go! Please don't be mad!"

Mum looked at the staff in her hand, then at me. She reached behind her and set the staff on the ground. "No. I'm not mad. Julius, you don't have to be scared of me. You know Mummy only smacks you and your brother around to shake the bad karma away, don't you?"

"Y-yes? I get it. I know my f-f-frequent good behaviour attracts bad k-karma, but…" I didn't want to open my eyes any more than I had to. "I'm sorry I b-bothered you. I know you h-hate me."

She crouched to my level, balancing on her toes. Her hand came up to cup my face. I flinched, but didn't try to run, as she traced her fingers up my cheek and through my hair. "Don't be scared, Julius. Mummy won't hate you forever. She wants to love you as soon as you give up that smokeforsaken sass and learn respect and obedience like a proper anti-fairy. Mummy wants to help you so much. She just has… very hard days sometimes. It's because she was so good as a child. Now she has to be balanced. She doesn't want you to grow up to have very hard days like her, so she wants to crush the impulsiveness out of you before it consumes your soul. Do you understand?"

"Y-yes, Mum."

"Don't shake so much. You'll lose your fur that way."

"I'm t-t-trying. I'm s-sorry." I flapped my hand at my face, trying to fan away my tears. They sizzled on my cheeks. My crown floated lower than ever between my ears, defending my vulnerable head and ready to strike with its spikes at any threat. My mother watched me for a few seconds, then turned her attention to the anti-fairies standing with the felled demon in the sandpit. They jumped and fumbled when she caught them staring.

"Practice is over for the day. You're all showing marked improvement since last week. Get out of here."

The scufflers exchanged disbelieving looks. One tightened his hand around his wand. "Uh… Thank you, Dame Anti-Florensa. I'm glad we impressed you."

"Wh-what's going on?" I asked, tightening my arms around my stomach.

"What's going on? Good smoke, are you deaf? I'm going to teach you some Vatajasa now. That's what's going on. Honestly, do I need to strangle your little neck before you pay attention to me?"

"Oh. Thank you?" I watched nervously as my mum settled in the prickly yellow grass. Mum looked at me, then patted her knee.

I didn't want to. I really didn't. But I settled down in her lap anyway and looked up into her face for what felt like the first time in years.

"How did you get your horrid burn scars, Mother?" I asked without thinking. No one else would tell me and it seemed taboo to even acknowledge them, so I never had. I considered her fiery blue eyes and towering curls to be her more noticeable features anyway, especially when we were indoors and the dark blotches on her face blended with the shadows. When she shot me a sharp look, I shrugged. "Anti-Bryndin always says you're the greatest warrior in the whole cloudlands. You honour Saturn in his Temple every Saturday. Why did he let you get hit in a fight?"

She placed her fingertips to the left side of her face, tracing out the purple-black mess that splattered her skin like a cobweb flung across a lily pad. "Oh, that. It wasn't Saturn's fault. It was mine. I made a foolish mistake."

"But you're the best."

"Of course I am. I was tournament champion at the Festival of Energy so many times that everyone lost count and the finest warriors gave up competing against me to spare their pride… Julius, you know Mummy loves her position as Anti-Bryndin's personal guardian."

"Yes, Mum." I snuggled up against her chest. Her furry legs were so much softer than the gritty cinders and dry grass. "You practice close combat fighting with your staff all the time. Not even the Fairies can beat you, and Fairy gynes are masters of close combat!"

"That was the idea. I once held a place on the camarilla court, you know."

"Did you? I never knew that. You've never told me before, and Augustus never said either. It really seems as though that would have come up in conversation before now."

"Shh. It was the year your brother was born that I kiff-tied with Saturn. How can you desire a mortal partner once you've known a nature spirit's touch? Something you, perhaps, may grow to understand." Her fingers stroked my hair again, rubbing fuzzy blue tufts - so unlike her shiny black ones - between her claws. "Anti-Bryndin and I sang together almost every night back then. And when we did, Winni and Saturn themselves came together on Plane 23, and Saturn took his favour and became the Prince of Lava. Lava itself flowed from the mountains every evening and filled that bit of rocky outcroppings on the northern border that you know as the lake. I loved my life for nearly 40,000 straight years, Julius. Even my bad days weren't so hard then."

Again, Mum touched the cheek that had never quite healed. "But when your father got me pregnant with you, suddenly everything I cherished - my strength, my skill, my beauty, my agility, my speed - it was ripped away from me. Oh, I tried. I pushed myself to my limits, trying to prove to everyone that being pregnant didn't make me weak."

"You were the best," I reminded her. "Logically, it's impossible to regress to the point where-"

"Julius." Mum rapped her knuckles on the back of my head. "At least try to keep it in your mouth when I'm talking. See, this is why you cause so many problems. I am your elder, and in social situations, you are to defer to me."

"Sorry. I'll be quiet. I won't say anything else anymore. Not a word. I'm sorry. I really am. Sorry."

She sniffed. "We were attending a conference in Fairy World when it all started to go wrong. Some Fairies got a mite too rowdy and pinned us in the corner. Anti-Bryndin needed me. I took a hit I shouldn't have tried to stop." Her knees tightened around mine. "I lost my arm that day, Julius. From the shoulder down. Going to smoke and regenerating wasn't an option. Not when I was pregnant. Not with that awful court case, the Xero Act, about how Anti-Fairies have no right to prevent the bearing of children if that is what their counterparts choose to do. I thought I'd miscarried you anyway. You stopped moving in my pouch for some time."

"Did I?" Was that, perhaps, the time I had bonded with Clarice? Had I in fact technically died?

"Of course you squirmed. You were a regular little nuisance even back then." She looked away. "And it was especially irritating because before that day, you were always a wriggler. Never could sit still any more than a crockeroo with a tail full of stinger ants. You just had to go and stop being predictable without any notice, didn't you? That's so like you."

"Sorry, Mum."

"I should hope you are." Mum sighed through her nostrils. She tilted back her head, searching the dim red sky for traces of stars, perhaps. "Saturn broke his tie with me that night. I'd been stabbed physically in the back a hundred times before, but this was worse than all of those experiences combined. My prince no longer wanted me. Not as his medium to the mortal realms. Not to represent him on the zodiac. Nothing. After we argued, he insisted that I challenge him to win back his respect."

My eyes widened. "Challenge him? And- and while you were highly pregnant with me?"

"It wasn't unreasonable," she sniffed. "After all, I was the best. Don't you dare go forgetting that."

"Of course you were. My apologies, Mum. I meant no disrespect."

"Well. I lost that fight. Saturn is a proud warrior, and he has no interest in playing for the losing team. He left me with these burns, and decided he wanted nothing to do with me ever again."

"Just like that?"

"Yes, like that. Weren't you listening? Hmph. Bratty pups these days." Mum lifted me beneath the arms until our foreheads were nearly brushing. She gazed into my eyes, hers so piercing blue they blinded me. Then she set me down on her knee again. "I stayed with my sister Anti-Joanie in the Far West Region until you were born. You never came. I waited. I needed you, needed someone to need me, but you couldn't even be bothered to show up on time. Punctuality is a virtue."

"I'm sorry. I tried. The anti-cherubs got me."

"That's no excuse."

"Sorry."

"And upon my return to the Blue Castle, I learned I'd already been replaced on the camarilla behind my back. Saturn made a show of selecting a new medium immediately. I've heard that Anti-Tuck was the very first to visit the Fire Temple's echo chamber following my… resignation. He was but a stranger to us, and didn't even hold a place on the court. He came from a young bachelor colony and had nothing to his name. Yet Saturn claimed him nonetheless. Anti-Bryndin couldn't refuse him." Her eyes trailed to mine. She tilted her head. "It's still strange, you know. Even now, I feel so naked without Saturn's warmth beneath my skin."

"If Saturn offered you his favour and the chance to be reinstated on the camarilla court, do you think you would take it?"

"What a stupid question. In a wingbeat. I was the best."

I looked at the interlaced fingers in my lap. "You sound like you loved him. Loved him more than even my father."

"Your sire was a disappointment. Where was he when I cried out for support all those aching nights with a heavy belly nearly yanking me from my roost? Sure, he visited me every other week or so, bearing all manner of elegant foods, but what should I care for that when convincing him to stay any longer than lunch required begging on my knees? Saturn, Anti-Bryndin, and my fellow members of the camarilla were all I had during those days. Even when no one else could be there for me, Saturn was. Julius, do you know what everyone thinks is wrong with me?"

"Is there something wrong with you?" I asked innocently.

She knocked again on my head. "The 'noble' and 'proper' camarilla consider it taboo for a medium to allow the nature spirit they host to interact so directly with the mortal world in modern times. But I couldn't help it. As my pregnancy symptoms became more severe, I allowed Saturn to push his consciousness to the forefront of my mind, and take my control away from me. Never much at first. Just here and there. But when you're like me, you forget to consider the consequences sometimes. I grew desperate. I let him in, day after day after day until I spent more time engulfed in blackness than in the real world. I wasn't even there when Augustus was born."

My wings shivered at the thought. "Oh."

"Don't ever do that," she snapped at me, clenching her claws into my shoulders. I squeaked as Mum shoved her nose against mine. "You're going to grow up to be Sunnie's medium, and let him experience the mortal realm through you until he wreaks enough havoc to destroy us all. Isn't that right?"

"No, Mum! Never!"

"Liar!" She shook me back and forth until my eyes were dizzy. "You're a filthy little liar, just like that worthless scum who sired you! I knew you couldn't be trusted!"

"No, Mum! I promise! I'll never let Sunnie control my body if I ever kiff-tie with him! Never, ever, ever! I promise!"

Her teeth tightened. "You'll leave me too, just like he did. Your father showed up the night he slipped your tiny smokeless body from his pouch into mine. He did his duty. And he spent every day until he died fawning over that goody-goody brother of yours instead of speaking to either of us with the attention we rightfully deserved. His memory doesn't deserve half the respect Augustus showers him with."

"I'm s-s-sorry."

Mum pushed me off her knee and into the grass. "You should be. If it weren't for that pregnancy, I'd be respected as more than a- a- foot soldier who happens to speak the High Count's native tongue. Don't you try to leave me too, Julius. No matter where you run, I'll find you if you do, and you'll be sorry."

"Y-yes, Mummy. You're my family, and I love you, and I'll always be here for you. E-even during your hard days."

"Good. You'd better be."

I wiped my cheek with the back of my wrist. "Wh-what do you think Papa was reincarnated into? He was born in the Year of Breath. Augustus says that maybe instead of coming back right away, he- he took the patient path and is holding out for one of his sons to have a Breath year pup, so he'd come back as one of them, if one of our other ancestors hasn't already laid claim to the position. Th-that's what Augustus told me."

"Augustus is a liar too. Your father doesn't have the patience to twiddle his thumbs until you're an adult. Not that it even matters, seeing as you and your brother are both sterile. A fitting end to Anti-Robin's worthless genepool. Good riddance, I say."

That hurt. She didn't notice.

"Now, let's get to work on learning Vatajasa."

We began with simple things, like greetings and common verbs. After we'd done a few conjugations together without me stuttering like my brother, I finally worked up the courage to ask, "What does septmeth mean?"

Her eyes hardened into diamonds. "Where did you hear that word?"

"I made it up," I lied.

Mum swatted the back of my head. "Nonsense! You've been sticking your father's enormous nose where it doesn't belong again. Whatever are we going to do with you? You don't need to know those sorts of advanced words, Julius. You wouldn't have a use for them. All of that research nonsense is done in Snobbish these days. I'm not going to waste my valuable time teaching you how to say things in Vatajasa that will never come up in realistic conversation."

"But-"

"I'll give you some conversation books to study. Now, conjugate sina with me."

So much for my plan to translate those research scrolls. Anyway, I didn't want to halt my studies to master either Vatajasa or the dead-outside-the-Daoist-rituals Gaideliac language right now. I thought that I could afford to at first, but to my crushing disappointment, I found that I couldn't commit the Vatajasa words I read to memory. They were too foreign, too confusing, and they slipped between my fingers like rain. Apparently, I had to actually understand what I was reading for it to stick in my mind. It was hard to want to do that when I still had piles of perfectly simple Snobbish documents to comb through on my desk.

I practiced with Mum's conversation books on occasion anyway, realising that when I grew up, I could perhaps spend some time in the Far West Region, and locate an intellectual fellow there who could teach me the words I needed to translate the old scrolls. It would certainly help to become fluent. When my energy levels were highest, I devoured every simple Vatajasa lesson Mum saw fit to give me.

And to my surprise, I discovered, my mother's company wasn't entirely unpleasant. Certainly, steps had to be taken and sacrifices made in order to remain on her less intense side, but she embodied both brawn and brains. Even if it was with some sarcasm or annoyance, she always answered my questions about any subject honestly when I sought her out. Her scathing love was tough and bitter, but it endured. I valued that more than the empty promises I often received from Augustus any day.

When I was 16, a certain Zvezda O'Scarlett died of salt overexposure after plummetting from the cloudlands and into Atlantis Ocean. The skin of Seelie Courters is particularly sensitive to such things, and mermaids allegedly reported the news. O'Scarlett had been mayor of Esterale, an old-fashioned town in Fairy World's Lower West Region, since before even Anti-Bryndin was born. We at the Blue Castle broke into a flurry of activity the moment word of his counterpart's passing reached us courtesy of the Anti-Highperch colony. Every Anti-Fairy in the universe knew Esterale. While the town itself wasn't much to behold, or so I'd heard, it did feature one crucial centrepiece of interest to our people: Beira's temple.

Beira was a minor nature spirit, eldest daughter of Sunnie and Twis. Eldest of all the minor spirits, as a matter of fact. As the stories went, Mother Nature had refused to allow Beira command over the soil of any planet, so studious Sunnie and determined Twis encouraged their daughter to strike a deal with the ancient spirit bears and devise the cloudlands of dust, smoke, and mist instead. It was because of her that we had the cloudland colonies and the rich magical plant life that we did to this day. My people had happily lived, married, raised families, and died in Esterale not all that long ago. We'd been forced to abandon the settlement during the war, leaving Beira's temple to fall into uncaring Fairy hands. Who knew what its interior looked like now.

As with all the minor spirits, Beira's favours could manifest only as simple beaded necklaces, nothing near as elaborate as the tokens many in the camarilla wore. Unfortunately, beaded necklaces were easy for anyone with half a speck of magic to fake. These days, no one knew for certain whether Beira had taken any living mediums, or whether she condemned the practice at this time and chose to roam the cosmos unbound by our pesky mortal needs. There were always rumors and conspiracy theories floating around Anti-Fairy World about so-and-so minor spirit kiff-tying with so-and-so commoner, and our nation as a whole had largely given up trying to ascertain if any such claims were true.

Making contact with Beira wasn't the important part of the matter. She was but a minor spirit, and it wasn't as though we required her direct influence in our daily matters (although increasing the landscape with additional clouds and floating rocks would never be frowned upon by any Fae). This was simply about reclaiming a precious piece of our stolen history.

Anti-Bryndin and Anti-Elina decided which one of them would make appeals to Esterale over a quick game of casting beads while in the reading den, and Anti-Bryndin groaned good-naturedly when the green beads on the floor far outnumbered the yellow ones. After embracing his wife in a tight hug and then stepping back, he nodded to my mother, who floated near my chair. "Take Anti-Florensa and be safe."

Anti-Elina and my mother stiffened at the same time. They glanced at one another sideways in that way you do when one of you is High Countess and the High Count's favoured wife, and the other, despite the legalities of marriage, considers herself only a concubine. Even with my nose absorbed in a pile of scrolls I hadn't bothered to cart up three flights of stairs to my study, I spotted the key to breaking the tension. My ears snapped up.

"May I go too?"

"You want to go?" Anti-Elina asked in some surprise. I realised then that she'd put on her finest diplomat dress, with a wide silver stripe down the centre of the blue fabric, feathery puffs fluttering about her shoulders, and black gloves wrapping around her hands. Her black boots went up to her knees, accented in silver dashes wherever possible.

Scrambling to mark my place and shove the heap of papers aside, I blurted, "I want to see where Nana Anti-Miranda used to live before she came to the Blue Castle."

Drumming her claws against her elbows, my mum tilted back her head. "They are over 30 years old now. Perhaps it would be good for them. After all, it's my family that had ties to Esterale before the war."

I opened my mouth, then shut it again without correcting her. Anti-Elina made exactly the same motion. And thus, our travelling party was formed.

We kept our group small so as not to incite unnecessary Fairy hostilities. I was no one of particular importance, and so remained in my usual plain blue tunic, although my mum made an actual effort to put on her black and orange martial warrior garb instead of the sloppy purple shirt and shorts that she typically floated around the Castle in. As we sat inside the customs building at the border to await the confirmation of our passports, Anti-Elina hunched on the bench beside me, holding her hands over her face. Her fingers caressed the green circlet of metal leaves around her forehead. "Please, oh please, let them grant us this one trivial building."

"I haven't been across the border since I was eight," I said, resisting the urge to kick my feet. I leaned forward, holding my knees. My tail squirmed beneath my clothes, craving the same freedom I did. "I've visited a hive estate and a small wealthy community in Fairy World before now. What is Esterale like?"

Anti-Elina ignored me and continued muttering into her gloves. After a moment of silence, my mum said, "You'll see it when we get there in just a matter of minutes. Keep quiet. And stop wiggling around."

So I did, but flexed my claws. Our passports were approved. Four Keepers dressed in the usual pale blue uniforms arrived to escort us. It was under their discretion that we poofed across the Lower West Region, and reformed along the outskirts of the ramshackle town. Deep crimson peaks leered above us. Two young redcaps and a brownie crouched behind some nearby puffs of cloud, whispering together as we gathered ourselves and brushed swirls of smoke from our clothing and into the air.

"So that anti-goblin with the coloured crystal glasses is the High Countess?"

"Think so."

"Huh. You know, Maybe they have too many festivals. She could stand to skip a few meals."

"Yeah, all that food should go to Fairies. Anti-Fairies don't even have to eat to live. It's just wasteful."

My ears twitched. "How dare you?" I demanded, grabbing for my wand. The children squealed and ducked their heads.

Anti-Elina grabbed my arm and yanked me back. "Julius, no."

"Why not? They're mocking you! Anti-Bryndin isn't here to defend your honour, so as the only Anti-Fairy drake in this travelling party, I feel it is my duty to step in." I pointed my claw at the offending miscreants. "I would never let them speak about my wife that way!" True, admittedly Anti-Elina always had been rounder and heavier than most, but that was no reason to point it out as though it was the first thing you noticed when she came into town, any more than one should immediately question my mother's burn scars, or scoff at my short stature, or mock Anti-Bryndin's Far Westian accent, or grill Augustus on the motor tic that made him twitch and stutter. I typically made an effort not to focus on such deviations from "the norm" myself, and not only because my vision wasn't all that good. Simply, I fervently believed in looking past the surface. It was what lay inside that counted in the end.

"They're pups," Anti-Elina said crisply. "Ignore them."

I groaned, but stuffed my wand back in my sheath appropriately. Esterale was a mountain town, and as everyone floated along the pass towards its entrance, I walked beside my mother. "I say, this is the town Nana Anti-Miranda came from, isn't it?"

"Yes." She turned her head, taking in the red boulders on either side of the pass. "This is likely the place I would have been born if there hadn't been any war."

"Would Anti-Robin still have been my father if you grew up here?"

"That wasn't my decision. If it were up to me, you would have been Anti-Bryndin's son."

I rotated one ear in Anti-Elina's direction. "Oh. Right. Of course."

"Your father cooked me up the best plate of aitvaras nuggets the afternoon you were conceived," Mum said wistfully. It was the nicest thing I'd ever heard her say about him. At least, I still thought of him as a him, even though the camarilla whispered sometimes that his soul might have been entangled with a baby spirit as a pup like me.

The village itself wasn't much to look at. The road ran thick with pink dust and fluff. A handful of houses, perhaps ten, clustered around a mountain stream that poured into a pool from the higher rocks. I craned my neck. Perched far up the neighboring cliff, where the stream became a waterfall that tumbled into the sky and glinted with rainbow mist, I could just make out a tiny, round-roofed building, like a garden shed comprised of white crystal. An enormous carving of a crab had been cut into the red rock below it. Beira's temple.

Anti-Elina hovered at the town entrance, her hands folded in front of her waist. The Keepers lingered on either side. We waited respectfully for an escort. Finally, a pale leprechaun drake with pink hair, dressed in blue, noticed our presence and ran up to welcome us. A moment of awkward pause ensued before he extended his left hand.

"High Countess. What brings you to our lowly shantytown?"

Anti-Elina lifted his hand in both of hers. The drake flinched visibly, as though he expected her to snap his wrist. "I wish to extend my condolences for the loss of Zvezda O'Scarlett. He was a fine drake."

"Y-yes, he was. Thanks. Why are you here?"

I locked my fingers into the fabric of my tunic, twisting it uncertainly in my hands. Anti-Elina hesitated. Then, carefully, she said, "The Blue Castle has a proposition for your town regarding the temple property. When may we discuss it?"

"Now is fine." Smiling pleasantly, he folded his arms behind his back. "Zvezda was my grandfather. What's on your mind?"

More silence. I closed my eyes and bit my lip. Anti-Elina tried again.

"I wouldn't desire to pressure you on short notice. May we join you for supper?"

"Today's not a good day for that, I'm afraid. I apologise. We didn't know you were coming and don't have anything ready." The drake turned his head. "We can talk while we skim over to see the temple, if that's okay with you."

I looked at my mum. She looked at Anti-Elina. Anti-Elina hovered there, speechless. Well? No one else was going to say anything. Dragging my chains, I trudged over to the leprechaun drake and lowered my voice. "Sir, if supper cannot be prepared, it would be appropriate for you to invite the High Countess in for tea."

The leprechaun wrinkled his nose. "Where am I supposed to get tea?"

My palms went to my eyes. I tried. I really did.

And so, our party approached the cliff with the waterfall. Anti-Elina floated alongside the leprechaun, with my mum between them while me and the Keepers followed behind. Pleasant conversation was made- short and terse on the Fairy end of things, as was typical. Anti-Elina refused to be deterred. She danced carefully around the subject at hand, making nice despite the Fairy's bluntness. After several minutes of this, my mum nudged my shoulder.

"That one," she murmured, nodding to one of the small houses shaded by a large black tree. A zinflax tree, I believe, thorny and resilient. I followed her gaze. The building she indicated was distinctly one of Anti-Fairy architecture. The garden was weedy now, the roof riddled with nests of large birds or possibly young dragons. Ah. In my mind's eye, I tried to conceive what it may have been like to grow up alongside not only other Anti-Fairy children, but Fairy ones as well. Esterale had a reputation for being extremely open-minded before the war. So this was the town where my mum's mum, Anti-Miranda, had shared a home with her Fairy partner (not "husband", legally). She'd raised my uncle Harold here, and spent six months pregnant with Auntie Joanie before the next Friday the 13th brought her sweet relief. Curious, how a simple war can change a family's fate so dramatically.

"Mum?"

She kept her focus on Anti-Elina and the leprechaun as their conversation grew slightly more heated. Still, she flicked one ear my way. "What do you want, Julius?"

"How do you feel about your mum marrying a Fairy before you were born?"

A grunt. Her grip tightened on her staff, strong muscles bunching in her arms. Oh. No response? I tugged on her tunic.

"Do you think I might ever fall in love with a Fairy?"

Her eyes slid down to me. "Don't be preposterous. Are you thick? You're betrothed to that Soil dame under Tarrow's blessing. You're going to marry her."

Oh. I'd forgotten. Still, it was an interesting concept. A Fairy and an Anti-Fairy, living together and grossly smitten with love. It sounded like a child's storybook. I couldn't help the urge to ponder how it might end.

Anti-Elina gestured towards the temple high above us. "Drake O'Scarlett, we Anti-Fairies consider this land to have historical significance. Our hope is that we may purchase the temple from you so we can continue to preserve it for future generations to visit and enjoy."

The drake held up his hands defensively. "Hey, let's not get upset about this. I want you to know straight off that I don't [have intimate relations with] Anti-Fairies."

You could have heard the plip of three Anti-Fairies' anxiety shooting into the energy field from a dozen kilobeats away. Anti-Elina brought her fingertips to her jade circlet. "Excuse me?"

Realisation, in some form, dawned on his face. "Oh," he said. "My word choice was crass. Right. You're the High Countess. What I meant to say was, I don't think it's appropriate for us to have a casual encounter over a matter like this. Let's take those hormones down a notch."

That did it. I peered around my mother. "Us? Overemotional? I say! That's a rather barbed statement to come from a species and sex who actually menstruate!"

"Julius," Anti-Elina snapped. "You're not helping."

"Well, it's true," I muttered into her tunic. "I read about it in an essay regarding external justification once. Takes the phrase 'bloody emotions' to an entirely different level."

My mum stabbed the back of my head with the blunt end of her staff. As I was rubbing it, a Fairy damsel with puffy yellow hair poofed over to see what was going on over here.

"What's going on over here?" she asked, reasonably.

"These Anti-Fairies want to buy the mountain shrine," the drake informed her, brushing off the hem of his shirt.

This new damsel, a banshee from the look of her enormous crown, looked at us curiously. "I thought Anti-Fairies didn't believe in possessing land."

"That's correct, dame. We didn't, until we wanted to get this piece of land back from your people." Anti-Elina touched her chest. "In fact, our eventual goal is to reclaim all the old temples to the minor spirits that are littered throughout Fairy World, just as we presently hold jurisdiction over all Zodiac Temples but the Water one. Historically, Zvezda has refused us no matter what we offered. We're hoping that views may have changed now that he is, regretfully, out of the picture. Beira is a very respected figure in our culture, and I know your people are the reasonable type. I hope that we can work out a deal."

As she spoke, the damsel's smile tugged down into a frown. By the end of Anti-Elina's explanation, she had crossed her arms. "Because my people can't be trusted to maintain a few little buildings? You don't think we can treat it right? We're not a bunch of wand-waving idiots, you know."

My mum made a move forward with her staff. Anti-Elina raised her hand, gesturing for her to stay back. "I'm sorry. We've come a long way. May we discuss this over tea?"

"The shrine's ours," the banshee said, placing her hand on the leprechaun's upper arm. "The money from the tourists sustains our village."

Anti-Elina considered this statement. "Then we should be able to strike up a deal. I assure you, were Anti-Fairies permitted to frequent this place, you would have an abundance of tourists as early as the first week. In a matter of months, your little village could bloom into a large, bustling town. Imagine the opportunities."

The leprechaun backed away, holding his hand to the banshee's fingers on his shoulder. "The offer is appreciated, High Countess, but I'm afraid we're going to have to refuse. The mountain shrine was built on Fairy territory, and while we're living here, we'd like the majority of our visitors to remain Fairies."

"If you'd give us a chance, I'm sure we can work something out-"

"Your filthy money's useless," said the stubborn banshee. "We don't want any of it. And if your husband flies out here to try and mind-control us using Winni's favour, I'll have him thrown behind bars. I'm a lawyer, you know."

Which explained why she was living here in the shantytown. Law. Pfft. What a useless profession. This is what we had the Fairy Council and Da Rules for.

"Honey," Anti-Elina said sarcastically, folding her arms, "please. If I sent my husband out here to 'mind-control you', you would be dead before your lips came apart. Anti-swanee have horns for a reason. I'd sleep with one eye open." Whipping around, ignoring the horrified gasps and the way the nearest Keeper grabbed her arm, Anti-Elina stalked off with her gloved fists clenched by her waist. My mum kept pace with her, and the other Keepers fell into beat behind.

After one final glance at the temple and the crab carving on the cliff, I hurried on their heels as fast as my biting chains could take me. "High Countess," I began.

"Yes?"

I set back my ears at her tone, but kept my voice level. "Can we walk the path the refugees took through the mountains when they left? We don't have to go far. I just want to get an idea of what it looked like."

"There were no Anti-Fairy refugees in Esterale," said one of the Keepers.

I twisted around. "What? Certainly there were. My maternal grandnana was a refugee from here. She came from the Far West Region to mourn over my aunt Anti-Joanie, and she told me about it. I knew about the temple and the crab, and about the red colour I would see here. I knew what to expect because she told me stories of what it was like."

The Keeper shrugged. "Anti-Fairies lived here before the war, but they weren't refugees. No Fairy forced them out. When the time came, they left willingly through the gate."

"Hmm," I said, and that was all.