A/N - Did you know you can also read Frayed Knots and my other FOP works on AO3? I now have an account there (FountainPenguin) if you would prefer to follow this story there instead. As always, you can also check out my Tumblr (FountainPenguin) if you ever want to see my art, worldbuilding posts, or send asks about my fanfics too.
(Posted September 11, 2018)
Where We Set Our Fires
In which the Autumn of the Slicing Ripples occurs, and Julius adjusts to life following his lengthy imprisonment in Liloei's lamp
The eyes gazing back at me from the washroom's elaborate mirror were the eyes of a 68,756-year-old. They hadn't fully dried. Or the "eye," anyway. The one that hadn't gone blind. Even when Caden floated the scissors and brushes around my head, snipping and combing out long tufts of my scruffy hair, I didn't want to blink. Sometimes I had to, with crusty pain. My face was warm. Too warm. I rather suspected I had a fever, although I didn't wish for this information to get out just yet. I ached all over.
"Where is Augustus?" I finally managed to ask. I leaned back on my padded stool. To think that only two hours ago, I'd been tucked away inside a genie's lamp. Now, Caden and I had staked out the grand washroom just off the preening chamber where Anti-Bryndin entertained Fairy guests. Because the washroom pool was kept filled with chemicals that would kill our ticks and fleas but badly burn our eyes and mouths, I'd never been allowed in here unsupervised before. But that had been when I was young, and I was a child no longer. Not anymore. I cleared my throat. "Yes, that's his name. May I speak with Augustus?"
Caden pressed the teeth of a seashell comb against my skull and wrestled with a filthy knot. Even several dunks underwater hadn't shaken off all the dirt I'd accumulated over the millennia. He wrinkled his nose. "Regret to say your brother hasn't lived in the Castle for centuries, matey."
I stared at the mirror again, a lump welling up just below my chin. It bobbed when I swallowed. "O-oh. That's only to be expected, I imagine, for it's typical of Anti-Fairy drakes to leave their birth colony by the age of 150,000… and he had no need to stay here any longer. He's nearly 100,000 now, isn't he? And aren't you, Caden?"
"'Round about there, ta."
"And… do you miss him? I mean, he was in your creche for the longest time. You were paired up for Tarrow dances every cycle."
"He chose his path. No winds blow the same, and we must all sail our own seas, aye?"
"I see… What about Mona, then? Is she here? I'd like to see her."
He had to think about that one for a moment, brushing the sideways sweep of his hair even further to the left in an old, familiar way. "The dame be living with her mothers in the Anti-Bentleaf colony, I'm afraid."
I turned my head, and the teeth of one of the hovering brushes snagged in my hair. "When did you last see her?" Dare I ask? I had to, with force. "Did she mention if she'd been re-betrothed?"
"Can't be sure. Haven't seen the wee lass in three centuries or more."
"Can I talk to my mum?" I murmured, turning away again. I rubbed my forehead with the heel of my hand.
Caden hesitated. The scissors strayed quite close to my good eye. I eased them back with one claw. "Aye," he said. "But I would advise ye to think on that decision for a long while first. You know your mum as well as I do… In fact, I may know her better now. It be Saturday. She travelled far to the Fire Temple and has yet to return. Think she mentioned it was that time of year, and she wanted to stop by your father's memorial on the way home."
My claw stayed against the scissors. They gnawed at the end. Still, I couldn't tear my eyes away from Caden's reflection. A rush of cold sped through my lines and made Liloei shiver in my head. My voice fell into a flat strip. "What?"
"Your mum ought to hail home soon, matey. I understand that word of your return was sent to her crystal ball. On her staff," he added, as if he thought I could have forgotten. He intended his words to be comforting, I'm sure, but they only urged me to clench my fangs.
"No. No, that can't be right at all. I'm sorry. No disrespect intended, old sport, but you're mistaken. My father doesn't have a memorial. If he did, I would know about it."
Caden only shrugged. I sighed. All right, fine. My gaze roamed again to the mirror before me, flanked with carved stone roses and ivy vines. I brought my knees to my chest.
"Caden? Do you ever do something impulsively smokeforsaken stupid, and after doing it, feel incredibly in touch with one of your recent past lives?"
He thought about it, sucking on his bottom lip. "Can't say particularly that I've felt such a shiver in me timbers. Mayhaps every now and again in a distant blue harvest moon. Why? Do you feel a connection?"
I pressed my thumbs to my temples and rubbed them around. "Frankly, I have the strangest urge to cocoon myself in tar and feathers just to warm my wings. A silk blanket would be nice. Good smoke, it's bloody cold in here. What happened while I was away? Did we lose a war against a frost giant?"
Caden chuckled. "The wind blows about the Castle just as she always has. Wherever ye parked your rear for the last 68,000 years must've been mighty toasted." He set the comb down, reaching for a larger brush. "Where might that be, anyway?"
"Um…"
Alas, poor Caden. How was I to explain I had bottled myself inside a genie's lamp? As fond as I was of my friend, I found myself reluctant to volunteer that information. Word tended to get around in a colony. There would be so many questions, such scrutiny, all the demands to know how I had successfully found the loophole that had granted my freedom from her lamp, and all the scornful sideways looks as my peers sized me up and made passing remarks on the close nature of my relationship with the softer sex of another species.
And Mona… Acid bubbled in my throat when I thought of her. I bent my head. How was I to speak with her again, to pick up where we had left off as though the last sixty and a half millennia had never happened? I wasn't quite certain if I considered my relationship with Liloei a romantic one. She and I had never kissed, but… after my 68,700 years in the company of my genie friend and she alone, had I…? Was it possible that I might feel just a little…?
The door to the washroom swung open behind us. I stared in the mirror and Caden turned around. Anti-Elina floated back inside. She reached up and set her crystal ball on its high bronze rack as before. "I just got off scrying with Ambrosine Whimsifinado," she said over her shoulder. "He's been worried to tears about you ever since you disappeared. I asked him if he would come and speak with you before we integrate you straight back into busy Blue Castle life. He'll help us move at the most comfortable pace for you. He's meeting us at the Breath Temple once you've finished with your regeneration. That will cure you of the frostbite Sunnie left across your legs."
I winced as Caden snipped off a lock of my hair that I'd particularly liked right around my ear. "Oh, dear. Anti-Elina, are there any Anti-Fairies who do therapy work like Ambrosine does?"
She paused beside the water basin. Her expression shifted from strictly business to concern. "What do you mean?"
My gaze dropped to my lap. "Um. High Countess, I recognise and appreciate your concern for me. It's true I have been locked up in my study for the last nearly 70,000 years. Perhaps it would indeed help me to speak with a therapist one on one for some time. I only wish my therapist could be an Anti-Fairy, you know what I mean? Is there an Anti-Fairy who could be my therapist?"
"That isn't our way, Julius. You know that."
Right. Anti-Fairies had been denied educational opportunities since the war. My parents' generation had grown up behind the Barrier's shiny green walls. Who was there to turn to but a wealthy Fairy?
Anti-Elina helped me rinse my hair (what was left of it) while Caden cleaned and packed away the tools. I had to float (albeit awkwardly since I was out of practice) because if I braced any weight on my legs, they would wobble too much. When I turned to leave, he embraced me.
"I'm glad you made it home dandy fine, matey. We've missed yer witty tongue."
I hugged him back, burrowing my face into the flared collar of his shirt. "Oh gods, I may have missed you most of all. Why, I missed all the rest along with you, but you always know how to comfort and strengthen me somehow, dear friend. I was so lonely so much of the time."
The corner of his mouth tugged up even higher than it usually did. He ruffled my hair and went off to return the cutting tools wherever he had found them.
Anti-Elina tapped one finger to her nose as she studied me. "Dress nicely. We leave for the Breath Temple as soon as Anti-Bryndin receives clearance."
"Oh, right. The Breath Temple. For healing. Thank you very much. Erm…" I twisted the cap on my faithful old wand loose, then tightened it again. "High Countess? May I have a moment alone before I have to go, please?" Here I glanced meaningfully at the chamber pot, even though I didn't need to use it. Anti-Elina's eyes softened. She left me alone. The door clicked shut behind her.
I inhaled. My claws flexed. All right, then. I had to act swiftly. I'd never been taken to the Breath Temple for forced regeneration before, and I had no idea what might happen to Liloei if she remained inside my hollow forehead chamber while I was killed at Winni's altar. Whatever happened, it promised to be painful, and I didn't wish to put her through that experience if it could be avoided.
Liloei's final request to me as a lifelong friend had been to seek her out a genie buck with whom she could procreate. Simple enough, wasn't it? Over and done with, pip pip cheerio, hm?
There was only one problem. Liloei couldn't leave the confines of my head unless I released her within a perfectly closed-off chamber to serve as her new lamp. So how was I to locate not only a free, wild genie buck who suited her tastes, but also get myself alone with him?
Wait a moment…
I studied the dull black wand in my hand. How funny. I had to be the only anti-fairy who still used a training wand at this age. Or was it age 75,000 that we were meant to receive our adult ones…? Bah, I couldn't remember. I mean, I'm sure I could have, but my head throbbed with so much heat, it hurt to think. I turned the wand over in my fingers. Alas, the poor trinket. It had been useless in Liloei's lamp, and as I had yet to try it out, I had no clue whether it would even work. I shook it several times, and it sputtered blue sparks. When I checked inside the star cap, there was still a thin amount of rosewater sloshing about inside. That would have to do. I held the battered wand against my forehead and closed my eyes.
"Come on. Come on, Julius. It's one quick poof to the Eros Nest. You're in, you'll greet the cherubs, you'll visit the genies they keep on display there, perhaps stop by the Anti-Fairy enclosure for old times' sake, and you're out again." Then, because I knew better than to allow the cold star contact with my skin while channelling my magic, I extended my arm.
The wand in my grip began to rattle. Thin smoke leaked out from beneath its cap in a way that didn't feel familiar. I yelped and tried to pat it out, but there was little I could do. My wand lurched forward as though it had been hooked. A burst of bright white magic blinded my good eye. Shocks of lightning zinged up my skin, sweeping me off my feet entirely. My wings leaped of their own volition. I jerked about in the air for a matter of seconds, then fell with a plop on the floor. Face-first. Panting. My wand clattered beside me, still smoking black.
"Bleh! So this is what washroom tile tastes of. Rubbish. Rubbish- that's what this is." I pushed myself up and wiped my mouth, squinting against the glare of the lanterns. Liloei and I hadn't needed anything quite this bright back in our lamp. She'd designed the walls themselves to gently glow, and she could dim them at my request when I wished to recharge my energy.
I shook myself out, then grasped the handle of my wand again. Soot still clung to every tuft of my fur. I forced myself to stand anyway. Either my wand was faulty, or nearly 70,000 years after my disappearance, Anti-Fairies still couldn't poof past the Barrier into Fairy World. Come to think of it, I believe Anti-Buster had mentioned the Barrier in passing while I was stuffing my face with griffin veal and the camarilla court were discussing the best time to haul me off to the Breath Temple.
I regarded my wand with distaste. Or both. That was a possibility too.
One more try, just to make a fair effort. I waved it through the air, and again shocks of electricity blasted across my skin. My fur rippled in the wake of it. It nearly knocked my fangs from my upper jaw. This time when I face-planted, I landed in something softer than the tile. Oof! I sat up, spitting out clouds and the salty tears welling up in my eyes.
"Oh gods, it's been too long! I'm so out of practice; this is just embarrassing. Ah, where am I?" I squinted into the sky, slowly pulling myself together until I was sitting on my knees. As I'd forgotten to bring a handkerchief along, I rubbed my fist against my nose.
Yellow leaves. White trunks with swirling black markings and thin branches stretching into the sky. My nerves stilled. Ipewood trees. The forest. I was in the Barrenglades. Plane 4. Winkleglint's estate must be nearby. It wasn't precisely the Eros Nest… not at all, in fact. The Eros Nest was situated on Plane 8 of Existence just like the Blue Castle. I'd somehow landed myself halfway there and yet twice as far away.
"Aha… aha…" I pushed dripping snot across my lip, squeezing my eyes shut as my stinging tears rained against my knees. "Lily? Are you all right?"
If she responded, I couldn't hear it. I hunched my shoulders and hissed through my fangs.
"Ow, ooh, ow, ow… Good smoke, I am in a considerable amount of pain right now. My head is filled with fire. I shan't try that again for some time. Gods, this doesn't make any bloody sense at all. How in Tarrow's name did I end up in the glade half of the Barrenglades? I'm in Fairy World! I can't have crossed the Barrier! Unless…"
My eyes widened. Slowly, they trailed upwards. I brought my hands up to my forehead.
"Oh, no way. Of course! Why, it makes perfect sense, doesn't it? The Barrier is intended to keep Fairies and Anti-Fairies apart, but genies are more powerful than either of our species. So long as I'm acting as her lamp, the Barrier can't block me out! Or at least," I added with a wince, flexing out my wrist, "it can certainly try, but I can manage to fight my way through the pain every now and again, hm? Why, this is a brilliant discovery! Simply remarkable, ahahaha!" I'd have to hold onto this one for later.
Blearily, I looked around the woods, wondering what lived among these trees. There were no birds, no bats, no rabbits. No animals of any kind that I could spot, although a few minutes of exploration turned up tracks that looked as though they may belong to some sort of echidna. The forest was full of colour, certainly, but not of noise. Not of life. Eerie emptiness clung to every tree branch and gave me shivers as I stumbled along on my swollen, blackened, long-frostbitten legs.
I don't know how long I dragged myself along before I recalled that I had wings, and I don't know how long I flew before I reached Winkleglint's estate. Ah, my faithful wand had remembered the way, even though I hadn't intended to land here.
I struggled up the path and fell against the wooden door, slapping it softly with the palm of my hand as I flopped onto my knees. It opened eventually, and enormous Fairy hands pulled me in. I might have heard my name, or I didn't. I lapsed unconscious before I could be sure.
When I woke, I lay on my back. I found myself smothered in thick white blankets with my wings folded uncomfortably beneath me. My feet were elevated on cushions that kept them above my head. After blinking a few times, I realised I was in the guest house where Anti-Buster and I had stayed during my study abroad opportunity in Fairy World. A large hand rested on my stomach. My eyes trailed along the thick arm up to the checkered pink and white shirt, and then the freckled face and silver hair. Orin Winkleglint.
I tried to sit up, squeaking something, but Winkleglint pressed me back to the bed. "Shh," he murmured. He rubbed his hand in circles over my stomach as though I were a little child with an aching tummy. "You'll be home soon."
"Oof," I groaned, rubbing my eyes. "Oh, dear me. I was upright too long again, wasn't I? Curse this blasted heat. It certainly didn't do me any favours."
Winkleglint took a dish from the side table and brought it to my lips. I drank greedily, desperate for even more. "Heh heh," he murmured, stroking my hair back with his hand. It still itched from Caden's cutting it, but I ignored him until the dish was dry.
"I've got to get to the Eros Nest," I panted, still wiping droplets from my mouth. "It's urgent!"
"In good time," Winkleglint soothed, taking back the dish.
Sindri's husband - I recognised him because of his ginger beard and green leprechaun hat - poked his head into the room then. "I've scryed the High Countess. She'll be on her way as soon as she can."
"No," I choked out. I grasped Winkleglint's shirt in my hands and twisted, wincing as I felt one of my claws tear a rip in the cloth. "I can't go to the Breath Temple. Don't let her take me!"
Winkleglint felt my forehead, not bothering to detach my claws from his shirt. "You're running a horrendous fever. Your head is absolutely burning up. And your legs are in terrible condition."
"Aye, gangrene," the leprechaun confirmed. "'Tis an awful way to go, but far less damaging to an Anti-Fairy than a Seelie Courter, I should say. At least your kind regenerate."
The sob exploded from my chest. I grabbed the blankets, yanked them over my head as far as they could go, and hunkered beneath in the dark where it was safe. "Don't let them take me to the Breath Temple! I don't want to go! I don't want to go!"
I lapsed into sleep again, tossing fitfully for I'm not sure how long. Not long enough, I rather suspect. I awoke to muffled voices outside the door, still tucked in the oversized guest bed. My ears twitched, then flattened. It sounded as though Anti-Elina had arrived, here to take me to the town of Godscress where Winni's Temple lay.
I had to act. I was Julius Anti-Cosmo Anti-Lunifly, descendant of Her Glory Cadmea, the Teumessian Fox herself. The nature spirits blessed her with the ability to evade capture forever, so long as she desired to. I called silently upon that blessing now. My hand shot out from beneath the blankets, grasped the black wand that had been lain on the bedside table, and whipped it through the air. In a screaming flash, I was gone.
I'd aimed again for the Eros Nest. But when I blinked open my eyes (eye), I found myself lying cheek-down in a cold cobblestone alley, strewn with litter and dotted with ants. The ching! ching!s of the casinos and open market games set up for the Alien tourists told me all I need to know. Anti-Fairies were not welcome here, where luck was a commodity difficult to come by. I was in the city of Serentip, the main port between the cloudlands and the foreign skies.
My plans changed the instant I recognised this detail. Obviously, getting myself to the Eros Nest was proving to be a struggle. My reason for visiting that humongous indoor menagerie- zoo- whatever the Fairies called it- was so I could attempt to crawl inside the genie enclosure and loose Liloei from my head, thereby freeing her to mate with any male genie she chose. But what if there was another way?
Magical beings such as Fairies and Anti-Fairies could not free genies from their lamps. Magic simply couldn't affect magical items such as genie lamps. But the Alien races, like all the tourists who just so happened to be wandering the city of Serentip every day, were considered mortal. Yugopotamian, Boudacian, Snobulac- I wasn't sure who or what I would encounter. But one thought beat against the inside of my head, stronger than the beads of sweat pouring from the sealed lip of my forehead dome.
You freed a genie by rubbing her lamp. I needed a non-magical alien to pat me on the head.
I wobbled upright, but squeaked and fell against a rough wooden wall before I could go far. My skull throbbed as though filled with sloshing lava. Every time I blinked, the world grew blurry instead of clear. While I was still in the alley, away from the public eye, I took a moment to empty my stomach into a trash bin. Colourful butterflies wriggled from my throat and flew off in a pastel cyclone. I wiped sticky legs and bits of wings from my lips, then staggered into the street.
But I had a problem. For not only did I wish for a non-magical alien to release Liloei from my head, but she deserved her freedom too. I knew the ways of genies. Once released with an affectionate rub, she was duty-bound to grant three wishes to her rescuer. Assuming that he asked.
My head acted as her lamp now, so when all three had been used up, she would find herself sucked back inside, to await the next head pat I received. Only if given her freedom with a wish would she become, well… free to wander where she wished. And I would miss her terribly when she left. Although right now, I felt that she and I could use a break apart. My head sweltered on.
I stuck to the edges of buildings, sneaking through the shadows wherever I could and trying not to attract unwanted attention. I didn't make it very far before my wobbly legs gave out beneath me. I toppled to the path, dropping my wand.
"No, no," I muttered to myself. This tourist trap of a city was much too much for me. I had to get someplace quiet, someplace cool, and rest a moment. Had to… not be… a conspicuous anti-fairy…
My hand closed around the handle of my wand. But I couldn't turn into a fox. No one had ever given me explicit training, and I'd never seen a real fox in my life. And so… that lonely day in Serentip, I did something that Anti-Luniflys, descendants of Her Glory Cadmea, were not supposed to do.
I turned myself not into a stunning sapphire fox, but into a thin blue rat. I had seen rats.
That was it. That was all I could do. I fled under the nearest shop, squeezed through a crack into the basement, and fell unconscious among the sacks of fish and shells.
In the end, I found the sucker I was searching for inside a small casino. I snuck in underage, as I am wont to do. My rat form helped with that tremendously. One would imagine that shapeshifting wouldn't be permitted on casino premises, but somehow, I made it to the washrooms before I changed back into myself. After that, it was simply a matter of time before a quiet Snobulac male wearing rather unimpressive tourist garb wandered in. By himself.
I discarded my initial plan of searching out a kindly soul who might willingly make the wish to free Liloei from my head. Rather, I leapt at this first young Alien I had managed to trap alone, and seized him by the collar. At my command, the startled reptile obliged my sputtered request and petted my hair. Twin trails of smoke began leaking from my nostrils. They swirled until I coughed and spluttered. My forehead swung open, its hinge squealing like a newborn manticore.
And Liloei materialised before me in a comforting swirl of violet. Oh, Lily, my dear, dear friend…
The confused Snobulac didn't seem to know how to react to this bizarre spectacle, poor chap. Of course he didn't. He was non-magical, after all. Genies may not have been a part of local legend in his world, since Mars and Earth were their most notable stomping grounds. Or maybe they were, and he had ideas to wish up, and I had just taken the worst risk of my entire life.
I sparked with fury and desperation. Not towards him necessarily, but with the universe at large. I did not fear Snobulacs, with their pointed teeth and bulging stomachs. I was an Anti-Fairy, and Anti-Fairies regenerate. I had Liloei to look out for me anyhow. I drove the point of my wand into his forehead, twisting it deeper. How much deeper, I wasn't sure. Tears blurred my vision.
"Wish her free to go! Wish her free to go!"
Baffled, the Snobulac said, "I wish you were free to leave?"
That broke the spell. I felt that power ripple through my blood and bones, just as I assume Liloei felt it within hers. The golden cuffs fell from her wrists and clattered on the tiled floor, and it was over. I pulled back my wand. Liloei turned to me, placing her folded hands against her chest.
"Julius," she whispered. Her eyes shone. She placed her fingers against her lips, and blew me a gentle kiss. "I thank thee immensely."
"Where will you go now?" I whispered, ignoring the uneasy Snobulac beside us.
Liloei smiled in a mischievous way. "I wish to live. There is so much to see." Her tail whisked around, bleeding purple smoke. "I hope to meet a buck. My dream to bear candles of my own draws near. Then, pregnant, I shall retreat somewhere small and silent until my litter are born. We shall see what happens after that. I believe I might explore the universe."
I nodded, unable to speak past the knot in my throat. I desperately hoped she wouldn't turn out to be like so many genie mothers in the stories she'd shared with me, who dumped their candles on unrelated foster parents to raise as soon as they were weaned.
"I'll miss you," I whispered, straining with all I had. I embraced Liloei around the middle, and she wrapped me carefully in her arms.
"As I shalt miss thee."
Then she was gone. I disappeared into the casino basement before the befuddled Snobulac had the chance to turn on me, although I'm quite certain he alerted security to my presence. Returning to my pathetic rat form, I hid among the dirt and cobwebs in a secret hidden place, and there stayed as quiet as I could. Tears dribbled from my eyes the entire time I waited for the Keepers to throw me in the street. It was cold. Dark. Lonely. Sniffling, I curled up on the floor and hid my head beneath my skinny rodent arms.
"I want to go home."
I passed two more years in Serentip, skulking in cellars and gnawing on the scraps I found in garbage bins. The Keepers did track me down eventually. So it was that despite my sputters and pleas, they dragged me to the border between Fairy World and Anti-Fairy World again, and the High Countess was called upon to pick me up. She sighed when she saw my despondent condition, me curled up on a wobbly wooden chair with my hands pinned over my ears. Jorgen von Strangle, much older and far more buff than I remembered, gloated from his place beside the entry gate. He held his massive star staff as though it were a javelin he'd throw at a moment's notice.
Anti-Elina knelt before me, placing her hand against my cheek. I whimpered and hugged myself more tightly. I didn't want her to see me like this. I didn't want anyone to see me like this. I didn't want to see anyone.
"Take them to the Breath Temple," she told my mother, who had arrived alongside her. "You'll need to carry them to the dressing room and help them change. It doesn't look as though they'll be able to walk on those blackened legs anymore. I'll contact Ambrosine Whimsifinado."
I raised my head, reluctant to meet my mum's silent stare, but knowing someday I would have to.
"Julius," she said. Her muscles were just as sleek and shiny as I remembered. More so when her arms were folded, the way they were right now. "What have you done?"
Somehow, I couldn't find it in me to flinch. I let my head drop to my knees again. Mother tweaked the end of my nose.
"You disappear all this time, make your grand return, and whisk yourself away again while my back is turned. And now you can't even be bothered to walk. What have you got to say for yourself? You're just like your goody-goody brother, dragging nasty karma around after you. You get that from your father's side. It's your Anti-Cosma blood that makes you so disagreeable."
"I don't mind not walking," I muttered, pressing my heels against the tops of my thighs. "I'm used to it. I really am. You have no idea."
But to my surprise, Mother's firm blue eyes softened. She rested her hand on my shoulder. "Well, as long as you weren't out there trying to flee your marriage to that Mona girl, then I still love you."
She gave me a handkerchief to wipe my nose. Somehow, I felt much better after that.
"I don't want to go to the Breath Temple," I whispered when she boosted me up in her arms. But I didn't protest any further than that. My legs seared every time they moved. For the last two weeks, I'd been mostly dragging myself through the city streets, and I'd spent months before then limping on my toes. In Liloei's lamp, her magic had kept me healed. Once I left, it hadn't taken long for nearly 70,000 years of infection to set in. I tightened my arms around my mother's neck and squeezed my eyes shut. "I'm frightened of the stories, Mum."
"The acolytes are professionals," was her only reply.
They didn't bother cutting my hair this time. Although they could have, given how long I was left to wait by myself in the Temple's dressing room. Because of course the thing I wanted bloody most in the world was to be left all by myself again. Like the rest of the Temple, everything in the dressing room was either yellow or white. The tiles on the floor weren't large and marble as I had expected, but tiny and lined with thick lines of grout. Since I couldn't hang from the provided roost, I sat on my padded bench, hands on my knees, quietly kicking my feet. They'd gone numb long ago. I couldn't remember when.
I picked at the sleek, tight fabric of my Temple clothing. After considerable searching, the acolytes had actually found something close to my size, small though I was. It was a single piece stretching from my neck to my ankles, and all the way to my wrists, but it wasn't a robe. It conformed to the curves of my body in an unfamiliar way. I wasn't sure what the cloth was made of, only that it certainly wasn't cotton. It stretched when I pulled. I only made that mistake once, because it snapped my skin when I let go. That smarted. I turned my glare on the broken vase of flowers on the floor, filled with bright marigolds and sunny roses. And weepy little chamomile flowers, which I'd stomped beneath my heel a moment ago. I loathed chamomile. Huey used to make me chamomile tea every morning and every afternoon. The fuzzy memory churned my stomach even now.
Finally, my ears snapped to attention when I picked up footsteps just outside the door. I raised my head in time to watch Ambrosine come in. He stayed near the door, rubbing his chin as he sized me up. His eyes glowed more intensely than seemed natural, and I wondered drearily if he was using that field-sight power the Fairies had in place of the Anti-Fairy mind-meld. You know. The thing that let him see the useless colours of magic around me, and not the aspects of personality that an Anti-Fairy could hear. Magic was disabled within the Temple walls, but apparently Fairies can have whatever they want.
"I've been very worried for you," he told me.
"I appreciate it," I sneered in reply.
Ambrosine nodded only once. His eyes trailed to the thin curtains that divided the roosting area where we now were from the bathing pool. Then to the vase of flowers I'd picked up and looked at several moments ago, before I'd thrown it on the ground and watched it shatter. "I'm glad I managed to catch up with you again. It isn't safe to let an Anti-Fairy with divus displacement disorder wander aimlessly across the worlds without taking his pheromones."
My eyes narrowed. "Excuse me?"
Ambrosine reached into his vest pocket and pulled out a small bottle with a pink label and a flat top. He did not give it to me. "You need to be taking those pheromones, Julius."
"Ambrosine, I'm frankly not sure you understand my situation as well as you pretend to. My mind was entangled with that of a nature spirit when I was born. Painting silly donated pheromones along my face is never going to change that."
"Your behaviours are too chaotic without them." He turned back and held the door open so Caden and my mother could step in. Behind Caden came an acolyte dressed in yellow, black, and white striped and diamond patterns. He carried a long, curved knife sheathed at his hip where his wand should be. The fur lifted all along the back of my neck. Although I should have been quaking at the sight of the blade that would soon be slicing through my skin, I ignored it for now. Something about Ambrosine's presence made me seethe and spit above all else.
"Oh? My behaviours are too chaotic, you say? Because Anti-Fairies are inherently dangerous to everyone around them? We're predisposed to be threatening, and a tiny shift in our moods is all that it takes to push us over the edge? Is that it? Is that all you think we are?"
"Of course not." Ambrosine dropped the container in my mother's hand. "Is Anti-Elina waiting outside?"
Caden nodded. "Aye, she can't enter a Temple that isn't Thurmondo's while she acts as his medium. He wouldn't take it very well."
"Mmhm. Tell her I'd like you to weigh him daily and send for me in a month if he's still underweight. The applica-"
"'They,'" Caden interrupted.
Ambrosine stopped. "What?"
Caden glanced at me in amusement, then at Ambrosine again. "Julius' spirit was tangled with a lightning spirit's when they were born, matey. They are a 'they,' not a 'he.'"
My mother nodded in confirmation, crossing her arms. Her biceps bulged as usual beneath the sleeves of her dress. Silence. I could hear Ambrosine rephrasing himself in his head, plotting out sentences that would allow him to get by without using any pronouns to mention me.
"I don't mind being called a 'he,'" I said softly, pinching my knees together. "No one ever asked me how I feel about it. I sort of prefer 'he.'"
"Fine," Ambrosine said, voice terse. "Now, the application process for these is written on the label. Three times a week. Painting them on the same way you would make preening dominance signals would be the most helpful. Monitor Julius' weight, and keep me updated on the matter."
He wasn't even looking at me anymore. It was like I wasn't there. I was already sobbing before he finished, my hand folded over my mouth. Oh, that hurt. That just hurt in a way words struggle to explain. Ambrosine turned to me again, his eyebrows peaking above the little half-circle glass lenses on his nose.
"I'm sorry, Julius. I'd like to take some time to talk to you one on one, but your physical health needs to come first. I'll speak with you again after your ceremony."
"'Ceremony,'" I scoffed, and glared at the ground.
Ambrosine departed (after shooting me a final pitying look), and the acolyte who had followed Caden in stepped forward. I thought he was going to drop to a crouch when he spoke to me, but instead, he sat in the wicker chair across from my bench.
"Hello, Julius. My name is Anti-Gil. I'm looking forward to working with you today. You'll float out of here a brand new anti-fairy."
I kept my wet gaze firmly rooted on the floor. "I know what you do."
Anti-Gil paused. "That's some rather nasty black frost Sunnie bit you with. May I take a closer look?"
I shrugged. Anti-Gil reached for my leg, and lifted my foot into his lap. He pressed at my ankle and examined the bottoms of my toes. I only knew this because I watched him. I couldn't feel anything at all.
"I care about your comfort," he said as he worked.
"Sure you do," I muttered. I noticed a twitch in my mother's wings, but she stayed beside Caden with her staff.
Anti-Gil set my foot down again. "Would you like to examine the knife we'll be using today?"
I noticed he said "we'll" instead of "I'll." I took note of the way he sat (very relaxed with his ears pointed towards me), and the calm and gentle way he spoke, and I wondered whether he had a family and a nice dinner waiting for him at home. Perhaps tonight he'd curl up with something entertaining to read, or play a game of Throw with the pups in his bottom creche. He'd go on with his life tonight unaffected by what he did to me today. This was just another job to him. He didn't understand me, or anything I'd been through over the last two years.
Or the last 68,000.
No one did.
"If you like," Anti-Gil said softly, "I can cut off the tip of your thumb so you can get an idea of how regeneration will feel."
"You can try to."
"It's inrita," he said, examining the hilt in its sheath. "It won't be like being cut with a non-magical blade. Are you sure?"
I stopped answering his annoying questions, and started staring into space instead. I'm sure he told me something important about what was to come, but I tuned out everything except the pauses where I was supposed to say, "Yes, thank you" and "No, sir."
My mother had to carry me out of the dressing room again. A low rumble filled the Temple, growing louder and louder the deeper into the Temple we went. Caden and Anti-Gil followed us down the shining halls until we came across a double-doored chamber at the far end. The sleek clothes I'd dressed in were slightly too big for me, and unfortunately, the magic we could have used to adjust them didn't work inside the Temple walls. I suppose it didn't matter.
When the white doors opened and I saw Winni's fountain blooming to the ceiling in its seven-tiered glory, I nearly lost my nerve. The rumbles turned to roars. I squirmed in Mother's grip, only to feel her arms tighten around my stomach. Caden noticed my struggles and gave my hand a squeeze.
"Don't overthink it, matey." He had to raise his voice over the thunder of the water. "Regeneration begins with the prefix re-. You'll come back just the same as you've always been, minus Sunnie's curse. Aye?"
"I don't want to do this," I whispered as my head began to thump. The fountain was enormous, taking up the entire room like a tree in a corridor. Through some magic I didn't understand, the water that poured over the edges gleamed with gold. Even the fountain's bottom layer was lifted on a platform above our heads. Water gushed down in wide, pounding, foamy chaos, then gurgled into the drains in the slick floor below. Spray splashed our faces even though we stood in the doorway. It was endless. It was chaos.
Squinting, I searched the wall behind the falls until I picked out a massive door carved with Winni's swirling Breath symbol. If I recalled correctly from my architecture studies (and I surely did), that led into the echo chamber, where it was said Winni himself could communicate with mortal ears. When he wanted to. That was the place Anti-Bryndin had turned himself over to the Breath spirit, killing himself with a knife much in the same way Anti-Gil was about to do to me. Only, Anti-Bryndin had been alone, all by himself. That would be difficult, I think.
My ears twitched at the sound of the double doors swinging shut. Mother tried to set me on my diseased feet. Pain shot instantly up my spine. My feet may be numb, but it didn't change the fact that my legs couldn't support my weight. I cried out and fell forward, but no one was quick enough to catch me, and I fell on my hands. They slipped across wet tiles. My entire body shook. I raised my head, blinking at the tumult before me. My ears went flat. I spat out a mouthful of water, and watched it trickle towards the nearest slitted drain. The sleek fabric that ran past my knees blocked out some of the cold, but not the hardness of the floor. My sharp knees dug in deep. Something about the whole situation felt familiar to me, although I couldn't pin my claw on the reason why.
Anti-Gil had picked up a second acolyte along the way to this rear chamber. Together, he and she moved me closer to the falls. My knowledge of the Breath Temple was vague, but I expected them to stop before we reached the storming water. They did not. I was lowered to my knees, with my head bent forward. The water slapped my back and nearly knocked me down. Water blurred my eyes. Straining my ears became a struggle. If anyone spoke, I wouldn't be able to hear a thing. I bit my lip, bracing myself for what was yet to come.
Anti-Gil traced his thumb along the blade, very gently. The loving way he gazed at it made me wish I could inflict a bout of bad luck upon him and cut his hand completely off. Ah, well.
I'd heard that whenever an anti-fairy regenerates, it makes their primary counterpart sneeze. This thought kept playing through my brain in a loop until Anti-Gil sliced the blade through the back of my neck and severed my head.
Poof!
All became smoke.
When the twinkling stars in my head died away, I opened my eyes to find myself lying on a long stretch of small, wooden chips and softer shavings. And I do mean I opened my eyes, plural.
Mostly it was dark around me, but the strange thing was, I myself appeared to be glowing blue. My skin was smooth beneath my rubbing hands, as though I'd shaved all my fur and peeled off all my underlying scaly plates. I touched my body, puzzled by what I found. Or rather, what I didn't find. I felt as though I were but a wax figurine brought to life, intended to be decorative and not anatomically correct. Hm. Was this the place Anti-Fairies went to regenerate? Either it was taboo to discuss such matters, or in the rush to cart me off to the Breath Temple before I could run wild again, everyone had forgotten I hadn't grown up learning such things with the rest of my litter. I'd expected to feel sluggish and hazy in this world of the undead, as though stumbling through a dream. Only, I wasn't woozy at all. My mind felt clear… clearer, perhaps, then it had for a long time.
With that thought, I looked around for Clarice. If I was ever going to meet her, it seemed I would meet her here. I mean, that was logical, wasn't it? If our minds were intertwined? Was subspace but a thing of fantasy?
No Clarice. I was all alone. It was just me. Only me.
Around me were the thin, white bars of a cage. They stretched into the sky, until they reached some sort of lid. I could hear voices in the distance, but I couldn't make out any of the words. When I made the attempt to stand, my sickly legs crumpled beneath me. I turned around to try again, and found myself staring through the cage bars and into the depths of a single, enormous, dark brown eyeball. Great white claws like those of a snapping crab reached out to kill me where I sat. I tried to scream, but I didn't have a mouth. I tried to run, but my poor legs couldn't manage even that. I tried to fly away, but my wings were broken or weren't even there at all.
Then I woke up, gasping, where I'd fallen on my side in the Breath Temple. I scrambled to my feet, grabbing for my mother. For Caden. For someone. Even Ambrosine, if he'd been around. My mother was the first to my side. Regardless of my sopping hair or the trails of smoke still writhing around me, she hugged me with fierce affection. She pressed my nose to her bosom, wrapping her arms behind my head.
"M-Mum?" I whimpered into her dress.
"Shh, shh," she murmured, stroking my hair with her palm. "All is right now. Sunnie's curse has fled, and with it, your misfortune is removed."
Misfortune. How I'd missed hearing anti-fairy words spoken from anti-fairy tongues. I turned my head to the side, leaning my ear against my mother's chest. My mood sank even lower. My secret hope had been that regeneration would cure the blindness in my eye. It hadn't. There were rules about regeneration, although I knew them only vaguely. Something about external injuries and something about deep afflictions. Something about blood, something about bone. I'm sure a Breath year could tell it better. I'm just a bloody Water who doesn't know anything about my own zodiac at all.
Mother took my shoulders and turned me back around. Anti-Gil looked about expectantly. "And whose wrist am I tethering them to before they leave here today?"
"Mine," Caden said firmly.
What? I whirled on my mother again, trying and failing to yank away from her crushing grip. "You're- you're tethering me? You never said that!"
She gazed down at me, unflinching. "The High Countess decided to supervise you until we're certain you're ready to be on your own again."
"Mother!" The tears were exploding down my face like a volcanic eruption underwater. It wasn't that I didn't like Caden - of course I liked Caden - but I didn't understand why I couldn't be tethered to Ashley. Or better yet, trusted to take care of myself. Was it his physical strength? Caden had always been strong and muscular, and in truth he would be more difficult to writhe away from than my cousin, even if Ashley was also broad-shouldered and taller than I was. "Please! Did Ambrosine put you up to this? Please, don't!"
Mother made a signal to Anti-Gil and the other acolyte. Then she gripped my shoulders despite my wriggling. I was shaking even worse now than I had when I first entered the fountain room. Caden stepped close to me, and I stared up into his gentle face with multiple kinds of wetness dripping from my cheeks. He took my right hand in his left and interlaced our fingers.
"'Tis for your own good, mate. And it's just until you readjust to colony life."
"I don't want to kiff-tie!" I shouted above the crashing water. "I don't need a tether! I'm fine!"
It was no use. Anti-Gil brought his knife to mine and Caden's forearms and made a sharp, painful slice. Everything below the cut turned to smoke. The tendrils twirled and mingled around one another like serpents in a dance. I watched in disgusted fascination as our two hands gradually regenerated into blue flesh. Only, now they were connected together at the wrist, melted into a single limb. It was Caden's thick, light-furred arm I saw, rather than my thin, dark one. My own arm, quite simply, had been fused completely inside of his. I could wriggle my fingers and touch his bones. When I tightened them into a fist, his skin bulged slightly in a disturbing way. He and I were bonded now, sharing blood and sharing pain.
Ha! Kiff-tying! The way the nature spirits hold hands, blending bodies into one. Only, they can release themselves from such bonds as they choose. I laughed a bitter, choking laugh and shook my head. At least I'd always preferred to use my left hand anyway. Though this would certainly make relieving myself in the chamber pot a rather awkward experience.
I turned to my mother, tugging Caden a single step after me. "How could you?" I whined.
She was not repentant. After thanking Anti-Gil and the other acolyte, we left the Temple. Distractedly, I wondered why we weren't stopping by the dressing room, until I realised that Caden and I would have to be poofed into our regular clothing with magic because of our linked limb, and that required us to move outside.
We were hardly down the front steps when we met up with Anti-Elina again, who greeted me and then nodded to my mum. "Keep their arms still, Anti-Florensa."
"What?" I started to twist, and as I did, Mother's hands clamped around my wrists. Well, mine and Caden's. She crossed them in an X behind my back. I struggled against her- not too hard, because I didn't want to hurt her (though I seriously doubted that I could). Caden caught my chin and held my face steady. "What are you doing?" I spluttered as Anti-Elina drifted close. She unscrewed the lid of the pheromone bottle Ambrosine had given her and poured a bit of sickly-scented, sticky-looking clear liquid into her cupped palm.
"It's time for you to take your pheromones."
"What? Here and now? Did Ambrosine put you up to this too?" I struggled a little harder, but Mother squeezed my arms until her claws sunk through my fur and between the cracks in my scales. I gasped, "All right, I'll take them! Let me go! I can do it myself!"
Anti-Elina dabbed two fingers in the puddle of liquid in her hand. As Caden kept my head in place, she began painting out loops and swirls on certain sensitive parts of my face, such as along my cheeks and across my nose.
"You don't need to hold me," I protested. I even relaxed my struggles to prove it. Though every instinct in my body screamed at me to tear myself away from the underlying reek of boiling bananas, I held still as she went along with her work.
"We're trying to help you."
"You're not helping me! You're making me feel like I'm more of an animal than a p-person. High Countess, I'll take my pheromones. Please, just let me do it myself!"
I couldn't stop crying until we returned to the Castle again. Caden took a seat in the library, and I curled in his lap and wept, staring and staring at the place where my wrist disappeared into his hand.
"I want to talk to Liloei," I sobbed into the wrinkles of his shirt. He wore a buttoned shirt now. Most drakes in the Castle did, as tunics were now a thing of the past.
"Liloei?" Caden asked, holding another white chocolate truffle to my mouth. I hated the way I loved those things, and I knew Ambrosine (via Anti-Elina) had put him up to it so the truffles would give me a better attitude about the pheromones, but I couldn't stop myself from eating them. Especially with only one hand, which made me cry a little harder. I shook my head, refusing to answer Caden's question.
"Mona. I want to talk to Mona. Where is she? Still with her mums in the Anti-Bentleaf colony? I want to see her again."
"Well…" Caden's expression became thoughtful. The energy field twinkled with the sound of rustling leaves in a spring wind. "Today is Monday. She's arriving on Friday for Esteemed Anti-Ember's funeral. Can ye wait until then?"
I almost spat out the truffle in my mouth. If it hadn't been delicious white chocolate, I would have. "Nana Anti-Ember went to smoke?"
Caden nodded. "Unexpectedly."
"Oh. Oh." I swallowed then and wiped my eyes. I could still recall her sizing my creche up our first participatory Friday the 13th, leaning on her staff and teasing her son about the pudge of his stomach. Well, that explained why Anti-Elina had been the one to escort me to the Breath Temple, even though she was Thurmondo's medium. "H-how is Anti-Bryndin holding up? After all, Anti-Ember was his mum."
"He's resilient," was Caden's careful reply. "He's been in mourning as of late, tucked away inside his office. Gent's spent a good deal of time lately in the company of his friend Shamaiin, from Fairy World. You're bound to meet him soon. Interesting fellow. Plans to run for the Purple Robe position on the Fairy Council next time elections roll around. A gyne, though he's a pinch short of a full set of freckles, if you spot what I'm picking at here."
I lifted my eyes. "I see. And… How is Anti-Buster?" Even though it was supposed to be a secret, I still remembered that day at Winkleglint's estate when our First General had confessed to me that Anti-Ember was his mum too. Caden was the nephew of the damsel who had birthed Anti-Buster's twin daughters, and he probably knew his uncle's connection to the Anti-Coppertalon family as well as I did.
Caden paused. "Anti-Buster is… grieving for Anti-Ember in his own way."
That was an interesting way to say relieved, I thought.
Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday passed with agonising slowness. When Friday dawned, I begged Anti-Elina to release my bond with Caden:
"Please, so I can reunite with Mona properly. After all, she is my betrothed."
With reluctance she relented, untying the thick, loose loops in our karmic weaves and assuring me that come Saturday, Caden and I would have to tether our hands again. I didn't care. For the moment, I was free. Free! Free!
I sprinted about the Castle, laughing like I'd gone mad. Of course I could fly, but gods, it felt absolutely incredible to run. I hadn't done that for what felt like years, and maybe was. So while Caden, Ashley, Electro, and all the others were setting up chairs in the courtyard where the funeral would be held, I was streaking through the woods with the tails of my white tuxedo flapping behind me.
Then, and only then, did I feel like I had come home.
It was incredible. A dark cloud had lifted from my shoulders for the first time since I left Liloei's lamp and spent those two feverish, frostbitten years in Serentip. I didn't cry myself to sleep on Caden's shoulder, or lie lethargically across his lap while he tried to entertain me with library books. I was free from Liloei's lamp, free from the Castle, free from Caden's tethering kiff-tie. I longed for it to last forever. True, I suppose I had felt better before… but I had also felt so much worse.
I don't know what changed for me. I really have no idea what it was. But Dayfry must have been smiling on me dearly, because on the morning of Anti-Ember's funeral, while her smoke and magic were cycling in the energy field who knew where and her spirit rested on Plane 23 with the spirits themselves, I felt fearlessly fantastic.
I was sitting on the grand staircase with my legs dangling through the bars, kicking my feet as I chewed contentedly on the banister, when a damsel in a beautiful sleeveless, white dress covered in ruffles and bows stepped across the threshold. She wasn't wearing her anti-qalupalik amauti. Not today. It lay draped across her arm, furry and brown. I'd heard her arrive before I saw her, actually. She hummed a new tune I didn't recognise, but she was humming all the same, just as she always, always did. Just as I remembered. Her black hair, so often frizzy, had been mostly tamed and combed into short puffs around her shoulders. Ashley gestured upstairs, and she looked up and smiled at me.
No one had to tell me her name.
"Oh, Mona…"
I ran down to greet her, flinging myself straight into her arms. I laughed until I cried, and she laughed too. She was so much taller than I was - almost a whole head - but in that moment, I didn't care.
"You're not speaking alliteratively," I observed, walking out to the courtyard with my arm in hers (I walked- I had working legs). I chose a seat beside Caden, closer to the rear of the arrangement than the front. He gave my knee a pat in greeting as I sat down, and I smiled tightly back at him. Then my full attention returned to Mona, whose feet were crossed neatly at the ankles in the proper damseline fashion.
"I struggled through speech therapy." Mona shrugged as though in apology. "It's irrationally, irritatingly difficult, and I'll never be completely cured, but people say it's simpler to understand me now."
"I never had trouble understanding you."
That made her smile. "Well. You didn't have a choice besides practicing patience with me. We were serious soulmates."
Anti-Buster, who had been pacing behind us, paused to tap me on the shoulder. When I looked up, he placed a finger to his lips. Ah. The funeral was beginning. He looked hard at me, then at Mona. We nodded, and he returned to pacing.
I held Mona's hand in my lap and caressed her palm. By Rhoswen's journal, it felt incredible to use my own arm again. Anti-Elina was the first speaker at the funeral, and she always spoke with great waves of her hands. Once, when her voice became particularly loud, I whispered to Mona, "Were people impatient with you?"
She bent her head against my ear. "It wasn't easy every day, but I managed to make it through."
"Caden told me you've been living in the Anti-Bentleaf colony. With your mums."
"And I've anxiously attended to adoring animals."
"Have you now? Fascinating! Tell me that story."
Anti-Buster's claw tapped on my shoulder again. When I glanced around, I noticed several irritated ears pointed in our direction. Mona and I fell quiet for a time, listening to Anti-Elina speak with passion about her dear mother-in-law. Anti-Ember's staff, with its lantern dangling from the top, lay across the table behind her. When Anti-Buster moved to the front of the courtyard to sit beside his half-brother Anti-Bryndin, Mona and I made our move. She snatched up her amauti. The pair of us snuck to the back row of chairs, then bolted into the Castle. We ran all the way through the halls until we burst out into the rear gardens. We only stopped at Sunnie's turquoise footbridge, and paused to giggle and smooth the wrinkles in our funeral attire.
"We just need a few moments to ourselves," I insisted, clawing my hair. Goodness, it did need another trim, didn't it? "Why, we've been apart for nearly 70,000 years. We deserve a private reunion where we don't have to feel rushed by the masses. Well? Come now, darling, don't be shy. What's new with you?"
Instantly, I cringed. Sure. What's new with you in the nearly 70,000 years we've been apart? Anything at all? I may as well stab myself in the throat with a jolly spear, because my conversational skills will never be getting any more refined than this.
Mona practically glimmered as she adjusted her skirts. She pulled her amauti on over her dress, and that was the Mona I remembered, soft and fuzzy. "Well. At long last, I learned the legacy of my last life. That's extremely exciting, isn't it?"
I lifted my eyebrows. "Did you really? So you know who your current soul is a reincarnation of? How remarkable."
"Mmhm. My great-great-great grandmother, Anti-Jesse Anti-Greenshire."
The family name caught me off guard. It took a moment before I recalled that Mona was adopted, and the Greenshire name came from her biological father's side. "Anti-Jesse the poet? The one who wrote about Her Glory Cadmea leading the hunted animals across the stars, with Her Glory Laelaps in hot pursuit? The piece etched in gold leaf above the camarilla's roosting room?"
She nodded, a grin breaking out across her face. "Indeed, exactly! I was in the library, reading her works. And then I remembered writing her works. And… it all started coming back to me then, in bits and pieces. I've always been able to recite her things by memory, but I never understood why. I thought maybe my mums made the most of many nights reading them to me. But they said they hadn't. It's interesting. When you know who you're a reincarnation of… You just know. You know?"
Briefly, I wondered if it bothered her to realise that none of her descendants had a chance at ever hosting Anti-Dixie's reborn soul, seeing as Anti-Penny was her biological parent. Did Anti-Dixie even have any offspring of her own, or was Mona her only tie to motherhood? The thought clenched me with an odd sort of terror, not for her so much as myself. Not only would I never know the joy of raising my own pups if I couldn't find a way around the ban on common fairy and anti-fairy children, but I would never have the opportunity to reincarnate into one of my descendants either! I'd more likely be sent to take an animal form in my next life, and from then on only incarnate as the descendants of that simple creature. Such a cruel fate! Why, who gave Fairies the right to steal my entire family line's future from us that way?
"I'm so happy for you," I said, squeezing both her hands in mine. "Are you planning to write many poems again during this latest visit to the cloudlands?"
Mona shook her head. She drifted towards the edge of the bridge, leaning her folded arms against the railing. "I always admired animals in my last life, writing relentlessly. In this life, I want to attend to animals instead."
I took up a place beside her. "Of course. There's certainly no shame in dabbling in as many experiences as you can. That's why the nature spirits allow us to return here so often, after all." I pressed my lips together. "I do wish I could figure out whether or not I'm a reincarnation in this lifetime."
"You surely shall someday. It takes time to."
I snorted before I could stop myself. Pulling away from the railing, I wandered down the footbridge until I reached the pond's edge. There, I shed my shoe. Mud squelched between my toes. I bent down to roll my pant legs to my knees. "I'm sure I had a long line of ancestors awaiting my birth. Son of a concubine and a goody-goody servant. They all must have been tripping over their feet to sink their claws into my newborn smoke."
"Don't say that," Mona told me softly. She followed me into the pond, trying to keep her dress above the dark water. I'd waded forward, searching for glowing toads or salamanders in the dark. "Life is sweet."
"I suppose," I said, looking up. I stood and flicked water from my hands. Mona brought her face quite close to mine then, so our noses bumped.
"I'm so super satisfied to have you back."
The nervous laugh spurted out of me despite my attempts to contain it. Mona pulled away, blinking at the resulting spittle. "I'm so glad to be home," I said. I brought my thumb to her cheek and wiped the flecks of spit away. "Sorry. I panicked."
"I'm fine."
I softened my noises. She shifted her pale, ghostly wings. We shared a long look, tried to glance away, then both found ourselves drawn to one another's eyes again. Mona just looked so pretty standing there, I found I couldn't contain my most primal urges any longer. So I kissed her.
On the lips.
And she kissed me back.
We pulled apart, giggling at our wild scandal. Good smoke, what a jolly exciting sport this courtship game was. The possibility of being caught in our daring act thrilled my spine. Kissing wasn't against the rules, though from the way my blood pumped through my veins, one might imagine it was.
Shyly, I tucked my hair behind my ear and averted my gaze. I knew I was being forward, for Mona and I had hardly exchanged pecks on the cheeks by this point in our lives. Yet her allure enchanted me, and I kissed her again- this time on the nose. I practically had to stretch onto the tips of my toes to do it, but with my hands clasped behind my back, up to my knees in pond water, I daresay I embodied the picturesque dream of a gentlemanly sweetheart. Mona hummed, playfully turning her head away.
"M-Mona," I stammered out then, folding back my ears. Suddenly I found myself terribly hot under the collar, flushed with what I suppose was desire; nonetheless, I took her elbows gently in my hands and pressed on. "Have you ever kissed anyone before?"
She smiled. "Not in this lifetime. I waited for my soulmate to come home. Why should I want anyone else?"
"Oh." By this point my face was blushing purple. I touched my cheek with my hand. This conversation had certainly turned terribly steamy quite fast. No wonder we pups were so often sent outside the room when flirting began; words as passionate as these weren't for childish ears. "Th-that's really very charming, and I'm quite flattered to hear it. You kiss very well, I should say."
"I missed you."
"I really missed you."
"You look quite cute wearing white. And it's incredibly interesting to enjoy your wings untied. I never really had the chance before."
"Good smoke!" Unable to control the blood flowing to my cheeks, I bent over, covering my face with both hands this time. It was ludicrous; I simply couldn't stop grinning like an utter buffoon. Water slurped about my legs. "Oh! You really think I'm cute?"
Mona giggled. "Very cute."
"Stop it. You're making me freeze down."
"Well, you are."
"I'm embarrassed," I laughed. I crouched down and dipped my hands in the pond.
"What are you doing?"
"Cooling off," I said, splashing my face. "Although I suppose it would be more effective for me to warm myself up, hm? I just- I'm just so… Mona!" I lunged for her to steal another hug. She stepped back, almost tripping on a stone. "Ohh, it's so grand to be free at last!"
She kissed my face, and I squirmed against her, vaguely aware of my tail fighting to set itself free from my trousers and wave through the air. I was just so excited! I felt as though I could burst! Craning my head, I kissed Mona's mouth again, and again. My hands slid up her back to her shoulders and down her arms to her elbows. Bracing myself against her helped me keep my balance a great deal, and it just felt more romantic somehow.
Dear smoke. Me, a romantic! Could you believe I'd actually managed to find a partner who adored me so dearly? I wouldn't have believed it myself if I hadn't lived through the moment. And to think Mona had waited for me all these tens of thousands of years! This must be true love.
Mona placed her hands on my shoulders and leaned me back against the railing of Sunnie's footbridge. "What are you doing?" I mumbled. I found that my mouth and hands knew the roles to play, even if my eyes and ears could hardly believe what they were sensing. I dropped my hands to her waist, slipping them beneath the open halves of her amauti until they pressed against her hips. That felt right. Mona hugged my back, her arms wrapped beneath my wings. The fluff of her coat's collar filled my nose and rubbed my neck. With a final lash, my tail did free itself and beat back and forth.
In that way, we kissed. Quite a lot, I must admit. Maybe five whole minutes, ahaha! Well, I never did insist I was a pure and proper child. Her kisses touched my lips like rain. Not that I'd ever actually seen rain in my real life, but I imagined what it must feel like. I wondered spontaneously then about my soul and the Zodii belief of reincarnation, and if in one of my past lives, I'd ever kissed a pretty damsel in the rain. Or maybe a cute drake. Surely I must have kissed someone before, somewhere in another point of history.
Mona claimed to be the reincarnated spirit of one of her ancestors. Had Anti-Jesse ever known one of mine? And had our souls ever kissed each other this way before? I'd heard it said that Tarrow betrothed young pups together because he knew our past lives even when we forgot them upon rebirth. It's why we called each other soulmates, after all. Finding each other and falling in love all over again for all eternity was our fate. It was decided.
That evening in the pond, I'd swear my first kissing session was a spiritual experience. I felt absolutely in tune with the water beneath me and the sky above, the soil on the bank and the leaves in the trees, the fire of the stars and our entangled breath, and the outpouring of sincere love all around us. I felt in tune with Clarice and with Fairy-Cosmo too. It was incredible, like nothing I'd ever experienced before. I found that I rather enjoyed kissing. It just felt so right.
I knew then what the rain tasted like against my skin. It brushed against me just like Mona's caresses on my face, of course. Smooching her among the reeds and rushes, I couldn't help but fantasise. Well? Would we still be doing this 100,000 years from now? 200,000? What would our pups look like? I could envision it now: Me kneeling at the bank of the pond, holding up a tiny daughter splashing about, while Mona hunted for glowing royal toads with our son.
Oh gods. Pups. Pups! We'd be of legal age soon enough, young and excited. Then at long last, I could finally put some of my reproductive theories to the test. I nearly groaned aloud at the thought. Of course I'd glanced at my research here and there during my time in Liloei's lamp, although I hadn't actively worked on it without access to the books I needed. But I'd never forgotten my desire. The possibility of uncovering a loophole in the fairy baby mandate didn't seem quite so far away anymore.
I leaned my head away from Mona at last, dropping back to my heels. My toes squelched in the mud. We stared each other in the mischievous eyes and giggled like budding maniacs. Then Mona's ears flicked up. "Cripes. Can you catch the cacophony?"
I swivelled my own ears around. I could hear the bubble of the stream trickling around my ankles, and the shift of pebbles, and the croak of toads. No music. I looked at Mona. She looked back at me with her teeth set. "Smoof," I whispered. "Weren't we supposed to be at a funeral?"
"Shoot. Let's streak, sugar."
"Stole the words right out of my mouth. Speaking of which-"
"Julius," she protested with a laugh, pushing me off. She brought both hands behind her head and lifted her frizzy hair over her collar. Then she let it fall. She waded over to the bank. "Hurry. Gotta go."
"Yes, yes. But let's do this again sometime, wot?" I took her hand. Clasping tight to each other, we ran through the gardens for the castle, cackling the whole way.
Unfortunately, our escape did not go unnoticed. Anti-Buster stood directly in the centre of the path, surrounded by high hedges. I tried to pull Mona to the right at the same time she tried to pull me to the left. Our linked hands smacked into Anti-Buster's stomach. He stepped backwards.
"And where have you two been for the past half an hour?"
I tugged at my lapel while Mona adjusted her soaked skirts. The damp white fabric clung to her legs in a way that was almost transparent.
Anti-Buster drew his wand and fooped us both into new, dry clothes. Then he moved off the path and gestured with his hand towards the Castle. "Dinner is just beginning. I will grant you both a pass this time because I know you're quite excited to be reunited after nearly 70,000 years of separation. However, in the future, do take care not to get distracted when there are ceremonies underway."
"Yes, Anti-Buster," I whispered. The two of us took off. We found the Castle's rear entrance propped open by an enormous split geode nearly as tall as I was. As soon as we were inside, Mona and I looked at each other and collapsed into snickers. I leaned forward, bracing my palms on my knees, while she covered her mouth with both hands.
"Oh gods, did you see his face? I couldn't tell whether he wanted to pat us each on the back or smack us in the buns!"
"Next time," she gasped between her tears, "we should stay so much sneakier."
I grinned. "Oh? Next time, you say?"
"I think I do say. That is, if I wasn't too improper for a gentledrake like yourself."
"Not at all." I cupped her chin in my hand. "And to prove it, do allow me to make the first move again."
"Oh!"
Her lips were soft and tender, not rough and chapped at all. Although I didn't know very much about kisses, I found that if I focused on Mona's bottom lip and pretended I was sipping soup or ice cream from a spoon, I did a very good job. At least, her constant humming picked up and she kissed me fervently in return. Soon enough she had backed me into an alcove below a sizzling blue torch, bending just a bit over me so I could stretch up and wrap my arms around her neck and kiss her like a swishing fire-
"Ahem."
We both looked up to find Anti-Buster standing over us. He pointed down the corridor. Eep! This time, I grabbed Mona's wrist. We hurried off to dinner hand in hand, just the way we were always meant to be.