Frayed Knots

by FountainPenguin

"It's not my problem if you're embarrassed, Anti-Cosmo," H.P. said as I hugged my shoulders. He scratched his chin. "Hm. I suppose there's no help for it. If you honestly and truly want to wear a hat, then you'll have to secure a high position of power so no one ever dares to say anything about it that's negative in the least." (Written August 2016 - Ongoing)

17. Lady Luck On Ice

(Posted October 2, 2018)

Lady Luck On Ice

In which Julius visits an old friend of his father's and witnesses a musical history of the Anti-Fairies in the Summer of the White Sun

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"I need a vacation," I told Lohai, plopping several scrolls down on my desk.

The little genie peered up at me from her warm nest of coals and blackened straw in the corner of her bin. "Why is that, Papa Julius?"

"Why? I'll tell you why." I dropped into my desk chair and spun around to face her. In doing so, I pulled one leg up over the other and leaned forward. "Because every day, I feel I'm constantly being pulled in three different directions. Allow me to share with you my to-do list for the long term: First off, dear Mona has asked me to prepare to lead a bachelor colony by the time I become a legal adult at the age of 150,000. But before that even becomes a possibility, Anti-Bryndin has tasked me to find a job in order to experience a hint of independence. Ambrosine suggested I try the Eros Nest for work, and so I shall. On top of that, have you noticed that I am one of despicably few Anti-Fairies in my cohort who don't have the slightest clue who I may be reincarnated from? I mean, by this point in their lives, most of the others are at least aware if they are their soul's first incarnation upon this world and never had any previous lives at all. Not to mention, there remains the matter of my research regarding the Anti-Fairy reproductive system, which I of course wish to complete and put into action as soon as possible, to no avail as of yet. And, I'm now on break from school. Yes." I nodded with a sharp jerk of my head. "I need a vacation."

"Where are you going?"

"Somewhere I've always wanted to go, yet never tried." I unrolled one of the scrolls and showed her a crude map of the Hy-Brasilian half of the Barrenglades. "The base of Dragondrool Mountain. A bloke by the name of Anti-Fergus lives there, or at least he did long ago. Strange drake, with fur as green as the lushest grass instead of the blue one would expect. Anti-Fergus was a dear friend of my father's before I was born, a very long time ago. Since Mona will be leaving the Castle to stay with her mum Anti-Dixie's colony for a year, I thought I would at last get off my tush and pay a visit down to Plane 4, wot?"

Lohai sat up. "May I come too, Papa?"

I smiled at her enthusiasm, her little pink tail swishing back and forth. Her purple hair was dusky and dull, desperately in need of a wash. I rolled the map up again. "Not this time, I'm afraid. There shan't be anywhere to let you out of your travel lamp, and you'll be terribly bored listening to us old geezers prattle on. But, I shall bring you back a charming souvenir. I promise."

"Please?" Lohai begged, folding her hands together. I had always been immune to pleading eyes, and when I saw her attempting the trick, I crossed my arms and scowled.

"Lohai, I do mean it. I'm visiting Anti-Fergus for no longer than an hour or two, and then I'll be off to the Eros Nest immediately. For work, not pleasure. If you come along, there will be nothing at all for you to do."

"There isn't exactly anything at all for me to do here either," she said, gesturing around my study to prove my point. "I desire a vacation too."

I spent a moment more considering her request, and then shrugged. "All right. I'll bring you along. But you must remain on your best behaviour. Don't forget, I did warn you."

"I won't make a peep, Papa Julius."

So I fetched her special soda bottle, its outside decorated with peeling stickers of unicorns and fruit. This, I dropped into her bin. Its surface rippled, but its size didn't change- leaving her, for the moment, plenty small enough to slip down its neck and disappear. I had to admit, I was frankly relieved that Lohai would be accompanying me. True, her powers were limited while confined inside a lamp. In fact, she could do nothing at all that would affect my world. It was doubtful I'd be able to hear much of her conversation from in there, especially with her bottle in my travel pack, but I did truly value her companionship. After all, she was Liloei's daughter, and after so many years, I cared for her dearly. Lohai was growing older every day, but she would forever be my baby candle stub. If I brought her along on my vacation to ensure she received proper care, and Mona was away, then I really had no reason to return to the Castle until I wanted to. It wasn't a bad way to live.

And so, she and I set out. I made several attempts at poofing where I wanted to go, although since I was unfamiliar with the area, I wasn't sure whether I was close to my destination or too far away. Genie magic could have unpredictable effects, even when the genie in question remained bottled up.

Nonetheless, two hours after our departure from the Blue Castle, I found myself flying along the black, rocky landscape of the Barrenglades until I came across a crooked, pink house not far from the base of Dragondrool Mountain, just as I had suspected. It took a few circles before I actually found it, because its roof was black and blended in with the branches of the bare trees. In fact, I had to find it with my eyes, not my echolocation. The grey paint of the walls was pale and chipped, revealing the pink wood of the chesberry trees beneath. A battered deck wrapped around the edges. I landed carefully before a door that clung on with only one hinge, wishing now that I'd brought socks and shoes. Too many splinters. The sight of so much magical wood made me uneasy deep in my gut.

I wondered why Anti-Fergus didn't simply fix the place up with a wave of his wand. Could it be the monetary expenses? In Fairy World, the filtered, usable magic that could be picked up by a wand was a resource one traded money to obtain, although prices were rather loose and varied by the individual, without a standard, organised system to tie it all together. Anti-Fairy World was different. Money rarely passed through the hands of the individual, held instead only by a colony's creche father or queen. It was the duty of the creche father to budget for the needs of his colony as a whole, and this was one reason Anti-Bryndin wished for me to gain an understanding of money before he sent me into the world to lead a bachelor colony on my own. And poor Anti-Fergus didn't seem to live in a colony at all.

"Top of the morning to you, Drake Anti-Fergus," I called through the broken door. Like his home, it was made from wood, so I didn't dare knock. Shuffling sounds echoed back to me. A figure arrived in the doorway.

Anti-Fergus looked exactly like the drawings my father had done of him all those millennia ago. He was a large man- tall and topped with spikes of yellow hair, his belly very wide around the middle. His colours were incredible, like nothing I had ever seen before. His fur grew thick and rough in a natural shade of mossy green. Freckled, with black fur in the infamous moustache and goatee pattern that confirmed Fairy-Fergus was a gyne. He wore a bright teal shirt too small for his bulging stomach, so it didn't entirely cover the vertical slit that was his pouch. My knees trembled as I gazed up at him, because I swear each of his arms was twice as thick as my spindly limbs. He could have clocked me out cold simply by batting my ear.

But the grandest shock of all?

I only barely managed to keep my mouth from falling open. Anti-Fergus had red eyes. Not lavender. I mean, sure, on some level I realised that if Anti-Fergus lived in the slums of the Barrenglades, he couldn't possibly be considered a noble. And of course, only nobles were permitted to carry the coloured eyes granted by the iris virus, or at least in theory. So if he and my father really were a couple long ago, it was logical that they may have taken certain precautions to prevent Anti-Robin from transferring it. But I was caught off guard nonetheless. I'd really thought that surely, he and my father wouldn't have bothered with…

Oh, never mind.

"I'm Julius Anti-Lunifly," I said when I saw him. I straightened my wings, and spread my arms. "And truly, I'd call myself your greatest admirer!"

Anti-Fergus looked at me for another few beats, then slammed the broken door shut.

"No, it's true!" I ran along the deck to the nearest window and peered between the bars. The sitting room inside was chaos, with bright green chairs overturned and large vegetables strewn across the sofa. Every wall was painted at least ten different colours. Red and black pillows covered the floor. "Anti-Fergus, listen to me! My father is Anti-Robin Anti-Cosma. Anti-Robin Jr. is my brother. I've read so much about you."

The door opened again. I spun around to see Anti-Fergus stomping towards me. This time, he had his star-shooter cocked against his shoulder and loaded to fire. I flared my wings and leaped onto the deck railing, scooting backwards as he kept ploughing forward.

"Who else knows where I live?" he snarled.

"Wha- I haven't told!"

"You gotta swear you won't squeal a word about me ta anyone." He glared through the scope attached to the star-shooter's top. "I don't want no one dragging me into some lab like a creature to dissect."

His accent was thick, one of the heaviest and roughest I'd ever heard. I couldn't discern its origins exactly, but there was a certain upward inflection on his "to"s, a stretching "ee" to his "you"s, and some of his other words ran gruffly together.

"I'm on your side, Anti-Fergus, I promise! I only came here because… well… because I really hoped you might tell me about my father." I shielded my face with my hands, pleading that he wouldn't fire his weapon at such close range. A shooting star to the chest would leave me smarting for a week after regeneration. "I never knew him, you know. He died when I was only two years old. I- I just want to talk to you."

Anti-Fergus stared at me. I stared at him, still crouched on the railing with my wings spread for take-off. Then he grunted, spit a glob of saliva on the deck, and lowered the star-shooter. Without saying anything else, he turned his back and waddled towards the door. His wings hunkered behind him, enormous and pale brown. Quietly, I slipped from the rail and followed him inside. The door creaked horrendously when I stepped over it. Over is the correct word. It leaned against its frame like a bird with a broken wing.

Anti-Fergus allowed me into his kitchen, tossing his star-shooter against the table. It thunked and skidded, almost falling from the other side. If it had, it would have landed in one of several three-legged chairs. Every part of the room - Scratch that; every part of the house that I could see - was in blatant disarray.

"Your place is certainly cosy," I said anyway. "It's so musty at the Castle sometimes that I often find myself longing for a quaint, quiet home in the woods such as this one."

He stopped walking and pointed a chipped, broken claw at the lopsided dining table. "Tea."

Half a dozen teacups sat in a circle around a teapot and several baskets of overcooked beetle chip cookies. Each of the teacups was filled, although there didn't seem to be anyone else around besides Anti-Fergus and myself. I walked over and took a seat in a chair that I was quite certain would snap beneath me. I glanced at the ceiling, but there were no roosts above the table, and no anti-gravity platters that I could see.

Anti-Fergus dropped into the chair across from me. It creaked, but none of its legs broke. He took one of the teacups by its handle and downed its contents in a single gulp.

"You're Anti-Robin's son," he said when he finished, not phrasing it as a question.

"I am. His youngest one of two. I'm Julius, year of Water. I've been attending school at Frederick Shinesworth as of late."

Anti-Fergus nodded and reached for another teacup. Awkwardly, I took a sip. The tea was cold and rather flavourless, but I stomached it politely as an unexpected guest should.

"I've heard your zodiac is Breath, Anti-Fergus. Year of the Green Bat."

"Mmhm."

Another sip. "And… the totem animal of the Anti-Whimsifinado line has always been the wild hog. His Glory Twryth, as I recall. Is that right?"

"Mmhm."

I eyed the teacup in my hands with pain. "Were you good friends with my father, Anti-Fergus?"

He glanced up at me, but only briefly. "Yep. He was a good fellow. Real good cook, too."

"Quite. I suppose you miss him a good deal."

"S'pose I do."

I tipped my head to one side, still clutching my cup since it didn't have a saucer and I didn't wish to be rude by setting it down bare-bottomed. "Did my father ever mention his goals for reincarnation? About if he wanted to make an appeal to the spirits for animal life sooner rather than later, or whether he planned to wait until his progeny arrived on Plane 23 first?"

"I wouldn't know anything about that," Anti-Fergus murmured around the edge of the cup. "Anti-Robin was awful secretive. Didn't ask for much. Just, he wanted that if'n he ever passed before I did, I'd try to help out his little kids. Didn't know if his youngest was a dame or a drake." Anti-Fergus examined me, as though he wasn't sure whether he should confide the next bit to my young ears. With some reluctance, he added, "He left some money. I had your brother take it to the Blue Castle once, just after your pa died."

"Then you were the anonymous donor who helped pay my way into Spellementary School, all those years ago." A bit of guilt welled up in my throat as I reflected on all the years of education I'd never had the opportunity to take. I tilted my head. "Anti-Robin did so love to draw you, you know. I've spent decades - nay, centuries! - studying the notes he took on you."

Anti-Fergus chose not to reply. Creasing my forehead, I tried again.

"Well, if you were to pick the most memorable thing about my father, what do you imagine it might be?"

Again, I thought at first that he wasn't going to answer me. But after a moment, he said, "He always wished he could study at the Fairy Academy someday. Hardest worker I ever did know, but he just didn't have the right stuff to make it in."

"Poor Anti-Robin. I understand completely. Why, I myself intend to leave my mark upon this world before my time in this incarnation reaches its end. I'd rather be remembered for my brains than my dashing good looks, you know what I mean? Not to mention my delightful sense of humour, ahahaha."

"Why'd you come here, Julius?" he demanded, and I realised (too late!) how my "looks" comment could have been interpreted. I squeaked.

"Erm. Well…" Pressing down my ears, I adjusted my travelling satchel in my lap. "A few reasons. Mostly because I terribly needed to get some fresh air, and I thought perhaps you could tell me about my father, and what he was like."

Anti-Fergus studied me, his eyes like coals, until I dropped my gaze to the table. "Nah," he said. "That's not really why you came."

"Really? Why do you say that?"

"Because you just told me you studied Anti-Robin's notes and doodles for centuries on end. If you were just looking for dirt on your daddy, you'd have got up and come to see me a whole lot sooner."

My silence, I suppose, was all the answer he needed. The threads of loyalty I held for my father wavered by a small amount. Anti-Fergus nodded at me and leaned back in his chair.

"I ain't really the smartest of my counterparts, but I do know a thing or two when it comes to people and what they want."

I sighed, then raised my head. "All right, so I'll play right into your hands then, hm? In all honesty, there is something else I came to see you for. Anti-Fergus, have you ever heard of divus displacement disorder? It's a condition of the mind, and everyone says my father had it. But he never made any mention of it in his journals. It has a different name in Anti-Fairy World. Well, not really a name, but… Anti-Fairies know it as a condition that occurs when a nature spirit entangles with the mind of an Anti-Fairy child during birth, while the child is only lifesmoke."

"Really…" A suspicious note crept into Anti-Fergus' voice. "And what happens to an Anti who's gone and got a nature spirit living up inside his brain?"

"Well, it depends on the type of nature spirit, of course. For instance, I… Well, I've been told that I swing between energetic highs and emotional lows. The camarilla believe my mind tangled with that of a lightning spirit when I was born."

Anti-Fergus sipped his tea. "That's stupid."

His words thudded into my skull. I flattened my ears and glanced up in surprise. But Anti-Fergus only drank his tea for a moment in silence.

"It's a family thing, not a spirit thing," he said at last. "Your pa and I talked once or twice about it, when he was expecting you, I s'pose."

"Did you really? Oh! Do you mean, he came right here to this very house during that time when…" I made a sideways line in the air with my finger, back and forth. "Those thirteen days when he carried me, before he placed me in my mother's pouch?"

"Yep. Sat right in that very chair." Anti-Fergus frowned. "Met your mum once too. Nasty dame, really. Not quite right in the head, though, and that's why I say it's a family thing. She gets fuzzed-up thoughts that don't make sense, and she hears voices. Hateful voices. If you've got something different in your lid, it came from her, not from him. Ain't got nothing to do with spirits. Just bodies and babies and blood."

"Oh. Oh." I puzzled over this new information, reluctant to accept it but unable to find a clear reason Anti-Fergus would lie to me. Not all Anti-Fairies believed in the influence of the nature spirits in our everyday lives, and it seemed that Anti-Fergus might be one of them. I believed in their powers still, but I did find myself wondering… could Anti-Fergus be right on at least this one point? Had I perhaps inherited my mother's illness in the same way I had inherited my father's scruffy blue hair? Might the spirits influence some aspects of nature, but leave others to the science of reproduction and genetics to figure out?

Hmm. What a thought. A mother who allegedly heard voices whispering in her ears, and a son whose energy ranged between boundless and non-existent in an endless cycle. Conditions caused by the mortal world and random chance… and not by the spirits or fate at all. Well, well, well. Now there's a thought.

Anti-Fergus peered at me over the rim of his cup. He tilted his head, his enormous ears swiping as he did. "Your brother ain't been right in the head either as of late. Thought it was just a passing fever, 'til it never passed. Wonder if your little star sickness could be the reason why."

My forehead ruffled. "What do you mean?"

"Gonna turn out just like his mother, that one. Hears the threads of karmic weaves and the secret thoughts of souls in a way he ain't really s'posed to. I always said it ran in families. Shame no one ever listens to the fellow on the outskirts down here."

Icy knives ran across my blood. I lowered my ears, wondering when the last time he saw my brother was. Even though I hadn't been afflicted with extreme periods of energy for the last several centuries, I understood the difficulties of living with a condition that affected your mind and your mood. Anti-Robin didn't deserve that burden on top of everything else he dealt with. My father's death, my mother's abuses, his ridiculous stutter… me.

Struggling a bit with my words, I said, "You know, your counterpart's father, Ambrosine Whimsifinado, is a therapist who runs a business called Wish Fixers. I've met him before. He's never believed in the presence of a lightning spirit in my head either. Only, he also told me I'm a Fairy in an Anti-Fairy's body. And sometimes, I wonder if he's right."

Anti-Fergus hesitated, clutching his teacup. "Well, I don't know nothing about real therapy studies, but you can talk to me if it makes you feel better."

"It's just…" I rubbed my eye. "There is a reason, you know, that I am curious about my father's reincarnation plans, if he had any. I wonder if he learned of his previous incarnations, if there were any. I'd like to know whether there's any possibility he may reincarnate into one of mine or my brother's descendants if the opportunity arises in the future. Anti-Buster's told me Anti-Robin was born in the Breath year, you know. But in addition to learning about my father's future, I'm interested in learning of my own past. I don't suppose Anti-Robin left a copy of his family tree around here, did he?" When Anti-Fergus slowly shook his head, I sighed. "Yes, you were quite right. I didn't come here only to learn my father's personality. I'd like to learn about my Water year ancestors in case I might be able to discover which of them, if any, reincarnated into me. I know I must be a reincarnation in this life rather than a new soul to this world; I'm sure of it. Anti-Fairies are supposed to inherit strong memories and even physical traits from their past lives sometimes. I often wonder if I have such memories, but then again, some of the ones I do have really don't make sense."

"Huh."

"Yes. I have a fear of crowds, when I really shouldn't, considering we Anti-Fairies are such social creatures. I'm afraid they're all staring at me, everyone is, and whispering behind my back. I feel as though I don't really belong here. And this fear I have seems as though it's tied specifically to what I look like, and how I move. I mean, when I was first learning how to manage umbrae and demons, I didn't want to hurt them. Can you imagine that?" I let out a bitter laugh. "I didn't want to hurt an umbra, even knowing how dangerous they become if left to fester unchecked! Doesn't that hesitation sound as though it came from a Fairy to you?"

Anti-Fergus lifted his wings. "Perhaps that could be something… I don't really know."

I squinted up at him. "And I've been obsessed my entire life with fathering my own biological children. Why does that matter so much to me when there are so many pups out there who are abandoned as soon as they are born? Wouldn't only a Fairy care this much about whether their children are really their own, seeing as Fairies are the only ones who could potentially have affairs and illegitimate offspring? Anti-Fergus, I can't help but wonder if Ambrosine is right. Maybe I never had any previous lives at all, and I really did come into this world with a little more Fairy than Anti-Fairy in me after I absorbed Fairy-Cosmo's core when I was only lifesmoke."

Again, Anti-Fergus said nothing at first. He turned his cup around in his hands. "I don't know. I think that maybe you're just worrying a lot over nothing. You are who you are. You're a special person. You get to be alive. Why not enjoy it? Don't let anyone else decide how much you should like your life. Thinking too much seems like it's making you unhappy."

"I suppose that's true…" I shrugged. Maybe Liloei was right to hold her beliefs in total reincarnation. Perhaps it was possible that I wasn't an Anti-Fairy at all, but not a Fairy either. I could be a reincarnated genie. Finally, I decided to change the subject. "All right, that's plenty about me for now. What about you? Can you tell me about what it was like, being my father's lover?"

For the first time, his moustache twitched with laughter. He didn't look up, but he sort of chuckled with an exhale of breath through his nose. "Me and Anti-Robin? Heh heh. We was never a pair."

I walked my fingers along the table. "So, you were just my father's weekend squeeze, then?"

Anti-Fergus looked up at me, amusement sparking in his crimson eyes. "We was friends. Nothing but friends. Never went further'n us both exchanging favours." So saying, he pulled on the end of his long green tongue, dragging it all the way from his mouth so that I might see the glimmering emerald stud embedded near the back.

"What? I beg your pardon? Just friends?" My eight-year-old self never would have believed it. In fact, even now my forehead creased at the very thought. What of all my father's notes? What of all his drawings? The days, months, and years they'd spent together? My father's journal, and the way he spoke about learning to cook so he could teach Anti-Fergus too? I threw my arms forward. "What do you mean, 'Just friends?' What, instead of secret husbands? How could that be? You were perfect for each other!"

"And we were." Anti-Fergus poured another cup of tea despite the other full cups on the table and handed this one to me. "We were best friends. Didn't need no kisses to tell us that. The piercings was all for ceremony. We liked talking across the table, just like you and me now."

"But…" I clamped my claws into my skull, sinking down onto the table top. "No. No, no, no! That doesn't make sense! Ceremonial piercings don't count! You mean to tell me that you never kissed his lips even once? Never did any more than bundle and stroke together? So you never sang together? Nothing at all? What, then? Why, doesn't it bother you that you missed so much?"

Tears threatened the backs of my eyes. So my father really hadn't lived a happy life at all? He'd only had my mother, and no one else to turn to for love? For if he didn't love Anti-Fergus, whom he spoke of with such praise and kindness in his writing, then I truly couldn't imagine him loving anyone else at all. I swallowed. "D-doesn't it bother you that you didn't make that connection with my father before he died?"

Anti-Fergus shrugged his wings. "Nah, don't bother me at all, really. For one thing, your pa and I both only liked damsels."

I blinked at this backhanded slap in the face of their caring friendship (which clearly wasn't as caring and friendly as I had been led to believe). I blinked again. Then I sat up. "What do you mean, you only like damsels?"

Only like damsels? Only like damsels? What, exactly, did he mean by that? Did he intend to convince me it's actually possible for a person to fawn over a sweet dame with a pretty face and entirely ignore the deliciously muscular hunk of drake sitting beside them at the supper table, simply because his soul had been born a drake in this incarnation? Hm. Privately, I found that the strangest statement I'd heard since stepping into his home. Possibly the strangest statement I'd heard in years.

Swishing the last of the tea in the bottom of his cup, he said, "I just don't get excited about drakes like I get excited about damsels. Falling in love with damsels is easy. Falling in love with a drake would be hard. That's just how it is for me. I'll sing for a damsel on our way to roost together, but I ain't never wanted to sing a cuddly song to a drake." He flashed the tongue stud one final time. "Exchanging strokes with Anti-Robin was enough. I'm darn sure I'd say he were my best friend."

"But stroke exchanges are a platonic ceremony! It doesn't count if your lips don't touch- everyone knows that. Anti-Robin was perfect for you! If someone is perfect for you, why would it matter whether they're a drake or a damsel?" I flung my arms into the air. "That's why it's called being perfect for each other, you clueless oaf! Limited thinking such as that will only lead to denying yourself the possibility of happiness! Why, that's like saying a Fairy and an Anti-Fairy can't fall in love if their love is truly true!" When he looked at me without answering, I sighed and let my hands fall. "You don't make a lot of sense, Anti-Fergus."

He chuckled and set the teacup down. "Well, one of us has got to."

"Hmm." I squinted at him, trying (and failing miserably) to imagine a life of automatically turning up my nose at any drake who chose to flirt with me. It was a bizarre thought. You know, I'd always promised myself that Mona would be the first Anti-Fairy I gave myself to intimately, but I'd mooned over Anti-Kanin ever since he still answered to Caden in public, and I planned to see that go farther than bundling and stroke exchanges one day. Only like damsels- Ha! What a way to live! I wrinkled my nose. "Well. Thank you for talking to me. And thank you for teaching me how to brew tea. I'm not sure when I'll be able to visit again, but I'd certainly like to. Are you alone here now?"

"Nah. Not alone. I've got Ennet and my sweet Anti-Kalysta… Ah, here she comes out now."

A sudden collection of clacking sounds demanded my attention. I swung my head towards the far side of the dining room, where a damsel was just emerging from behind a beaded curtain that must lead to the kitchen. My eyes widened at the sight of her black and red wings.

Anti-Kalysta, as it turned out, was an anti-will o' the wisp with a basket of cookies in her hands. She was blue like me, not green like Anti-Fergus was at all. Her ears were small and rounded, and not particularly flexible. Approximately a fourth of her light hair was braided, but not at all well. She wore a dark blue dress…

… that actually covered her body… modestly?

I sat in my chair, rigid. Speechless. The damsel before me didn't at all match my mental image of a mothdame, with the sleeveless translucent shirts and all the beads, and that made me enormously uncomfortable. Anti-will o' the wisps were supposed to dress in scanty outfits because they wanted to. Mothdames were always free ladies because Tarrow had led their primary counterparts to be alluring temptresses. It was simply in their nature. It was their fate. Yet here before me was a mothdame who dressed in full clothing, a-as though she weren't driven by hormones at all. Which meant that other mothdames might not be driven by hormones at all either, and that wasn't a thought I was willing to face just yet. It simply didn't sit right in my stomach. My mind swirled with nagging confusion.

So I decided that Anti-Kalysta was a rare exception to the mothdame stereotype of the free lady, and ignored her completely. It wasn't hard, considering that my focus was immediately snatched up by the young drake who came in behind her. Blue fur, scruffy blue hair, and emerald eyes. Oh yes. But no canetis rings. Not anymore.

"Oh," I said when I saw him. It was the only thing I could say. I think I was supposed to feel something at the sudden sight of my brother. I felt nothing. Nothing at all. At least, not for a few seconds. I rose to my wings, setting the teacup down. Then the bitterness welled up inside my chest, and behind my eyes in the form of tears. All this time, Augustus… Anti-Robin… He'd simply been living here? Or passing through the area from time to time, if nothing else.

Then the emotions hit. All my pride flew out the window, as did my uncertainties about his mental health. "How could you?" I screamed, clenching my hands into fists. I floated forward, lurching when I flapped my wings. "Do you have any idea what it's been like at the Castle without you? Being the only one Mother has left to torment? I don't care if you left home- I mean, I'd be long gone too if Anti-Bryndin would allow it. But to not even come back? Didn't you care at all that I'd returned to the Castle after all these millennia?"

"Please don't yell indoors," Anti-Fergus chided, with limited emotion in his voice. "You'll wake li'l Ennet in the back. He's awful cranky when he don't get his whole nap."

Anti-Robin stared down at me, worn and tired. "Get lost, Clarice," he said. He didn't stutter. Except, he didn't really say "Get lost," but instead used a phrase that began with a foul word and ended with "off." I recoiled as though struck across the face, and he turned his back and bent to pick an empty milk carton off the dirty floor.

"Anti-Robin?" I whimpered. His adult name was still foreign on my tongue. He turned unhappily. When he did, I wrapped my arms around his torso and flattened him in a hug. He didn't try to shove me off, even with his wings. I cried into his shirt until I couldn't even force it anymore. I hit him a few times too, with my fist, but he acted as though he didn't notice. Or care.

"I missed you," I said. I wasn't sure if I meant it. I'd coped just fine without him, so what did that mean?

"Julius," he muttered when he turned on me. He raised his hand. I squinted in surprise, but it wasn't until the hand connected with my cheek that I realised yes, he was going to smack me. I stumbled back, holding my face, as he finished with a cold, "Wh-what have you done?"

"You sound like Mother," I choked out, my pride stinging most of all. I rubbed my jaw. It didn't hurt. He hadn't slapped me very hard; it was more of a clumsy shove that came too fast. I'd taken worse from my mum's staff.

Anti-Robin grabbed my hands and flipped them over so my palms faced up. I didn't see anything but blue fur, but he held them so tightly that I feared his claws would break skin. His eyes shut, and his teeth clenched. He leaned forward. His scruffy blue hair brushed my own. I felt his nose against my forehead. "What have you d-done with them?" he snarled. I could hear the tic in the back of his throat flaring up. His talons pinched. "You v-vile caterpillar! You are their curse forever, getting by on b-b-borrowed time you stole from the s-spirits themselves. You ought to qu-quake in shame. Haven't they s-suffered enough? Th-three words: Why? Them?"

"I- I don't know what you want from me!" All I could do was stare up into my brother's furious green eyes, my legs shaking beneath me and my ears so low, I swear they brushed my shoulders.

"I know who you are!" he screamed, shaking my arms up and down. "Your past is laid bare! Wh-who are you to rob them of their s-skin when all you plan to do with it is b-b-breed yourself again? Does your lust never r-rest? They don't need your ch-ch-children! S-set the course straight! Tarrow's law is b-b-broken! It would have been b-better if they'd n-never been born at all!"

"Stop it," I whispered, tears rising in my eyes. Somewhere in the house, an infant began to wail, his screams tinted with panicked echolocation.

"S-smother her." Anti-Robin's face twisted with further rage. He rattled me back and forth again, his hands grasping for my neck. "She won't go underground! Sh-she's afraid she'll die again! I'll b-b-bury you alive, and that will s-set you free."

"Stop…" I raised my foot, and kicked my brother in the stomach. Hard. He stumbled as I shoved. At the same time, I slammed my wings down. "Yelling at me!"

Anti-Robin's claws scraped down my hands. They peeled away. He fell against the back of the sofa, holding his stomach. Then he dropped to his knees. When he toppled on his side, he started to sob and didn't get up again. I wasn't sure what to make of that. Anti-Robin had never allowed me to see him cry before, for he always left the room when he felt the tears coming on. I flapped above him, trembling from the shoulders down, my hands plastered to my ears, until Anti-Kalysta took my arm and guided me to my chair.

"Let him be," she said.

"H-he's upset with Clarice." I squeezed my eyes shut. My claws dug into my scalp. "That's all. That's all it was. Th-this has nothing to do with me. This is Clarice's fault. I-it is, isn't it? It's Clarice? I'm innocent!"

Anti-Fergus bent over Anti-Robin, murmuring soothing words I could hardly make out. Anti-Robin's motor tic seemed to have left his mouth to overtake his entire body.

"I was j-j-just leaving," he choked out at last, slowly gathering himself together.

My nose wrinkled. I sniffed and hugged my chest. "Then… just go. I was just leaving too. And I have no plans to come back here again, so… You can live here if you want to, and you won't ever have to bother with me. Aug- Anti-Robin, I truly did miss you. You don't understand how hard it was for me at the Castle these last years-"

"And you think it w-wasn't hard for me when you r-r-ran away?" Anti-Robin met my gaze with scorn, and tossed his head. "F-Father was right. You always were a m-mama's boy."

He spread his wings and flew out of the house, shaky but airborne. Anti-Fergus reached after him, but his hand closed and fell to the table with a thunk. He bowed his head. My stomach twisted as though it had to be forced through a knothole. I prepared to follow him, but before I did, I forced myself to answer the strange, nagging thought thumping in the back of my mind. I turned to Anti-Kalysta, who stood to the side with a rather dumb smile on her face, and optimistic eyes.

"Ilisa had nine original children." I don't really know why I said that, only that it felt important, for some reason. Maybe Clarice wanted to know. "If it isn't too much trouble, could I ask which of them you're descended from? On her counterpart's side, of course."

Anti-Kalysta smiled at me for several seconds, blank and dumb, before Anti-Fergus nudged her with his elbow. "Oh," she said, setting down the basket of black beetle cookies. "Anti-Leander."

"Hmm," I muttered. The nagging feeling went away, but I wasn't sure why I'd felt so desperate to know. It wasn't as though I had any anti-wisp in my lineage, as far as I knew.

"Julius," Anti-Fergus began as I raced past him. I think he planned to stop me from pursuing my brother, but if that was true, then he didn't know me very well.

I could scarcely believe it. All this time, he'd been tangled up with a spirit just as I was. Or they'd been, rather. And my mother too. Imagine that.

I chased after Anti-Robin, flying as hard and fast after them as I could possibly make myself go. As I went, I pushed the last of the tears from my eyes. I caught up to them before very long, swooping over their head and then under them again as they fumbled their way through the air.

"Oh, hello there, dear brother of mine!" I waved my hand in a mad attempt to catch their eye. Wind whipped against my face. "I say, what's all this rushing about for, in the end? I hope you didn't believe I would let you treat me so horridly and then get away with it so easily. I may not be willing to stand up to Mother's abuses, but I'm not about to embark on the same cycle with you. This, I assuredly vow."

Anti-Robin flew in an awkward way. Rather than pin their hands beneath their armpits where they would stay warm and aerodynamic, I watched them flail about as though they required their arms to flap. I noticed they were weeping openly, but instead of sympathising with them, I found myself thoroughly annoyed by this display. "L-l-leave me alone," they spat.

"L-l-l-leave me alone," I mimicked them in high falsetto. I flew beneath them again, brushing so close to their body that they flinched and even whimpered. They batted me away.

"I m-m-mean it! I don't want anything to do with you anymore."

"Oh, how your voice has deepened with adulthood! And how I enjoy to listen to it. Tell me something else. A long and winding sentence, or perhaps a great paragraph. I know! Do you think my voice will turn out to be just like yours?"

"C-c-cruel and unusual."

"Abusive and proud, you are."

"You're h-horrible for lying to Mona. I-it's all told in your weave."

I pulled up short. "What? How do you-?"

Anti-Robin glanced back at me, but only once, and only for a brief instant. They dipped lower in the sky, then flew higher again. "Your b-betrothed doesn't belong to you. T-Tarrow always tries to pair together those who f-f-fell in love during their past l-lives. And for you, that was n-no one obtainable."

"Wait! Wait, how could you possibly know that?" I barrelled after him, speeding my wings faster and faster. "Anti-Fergus implied you could read my karmic weave! Do you really know of my past lives? Life? Is that what you're saying? Is there really no one meant for me? Anti-Robin? Anti-Robin!"

Their figure grew smaller and farther away in the deep red sky. For a moment, I hovered where I was, simply aghast. Then my eyes narrowed. My fists clenched. I welcomed the anger, as I had longed to welcome it for so many years.

"Hmph. I am no longer the anxious coward you remember me as, Augustus. Perhaps you aren't the only one who has changed."

I took my wand, and went to fire a beam of searing energy after my brother. I could see it all so clearly- The blast would strike them through the wing and doubtless leave a hole. Anti-Robin would stop flying. They would screech like an infant bird, and I'd perform flips in the air as I laughed. My knees would bend against my chest, and I would clutch my stomach until I feared that I would burst. And then, and then! Ohh, I would spiral in the air in the way that spiderwebs do and zip off in the other direction! Long-carried weights would plunge from my shoulders, and I would pump my wings ever faster. At last I'd have cut myself free from the guilty memories that always tied me to my brother and crept into my dreams. No, I didn't need to miss Anti-Robin anymore. Especially if this was how they planned to treat me. I wouldn't take that again. Dealing with Mother had hurt me enough. I would not allow the cycle of abuse to continue playing out in my relationship with them.

But I did not fire the wand. Oh, I certainly held it in my hand. And I pointed it after them as they faded in the distance. But although the confused tears dribbled down my cheeks, I only floated there, holding a silent starry stick.

Yes. This time… just one last time… I decided to do nothing. No one understood Anti-Robin better than I did, as we were two brothers raised under our cruel mother's hand, two young Anti-Fairies with nature spirits tangled in their brains. The Anti-Robin I remembered from my youth had never wanted to hurt me. And even though I was angry today, I knew that beneath the confused swirlings of the spirit inside their head, that was part of them that hadn't changed. I wanted to believe they still loved me, that this confusion which had overtaken them was merely temporary and would pass if I was only patient.

So I did not shoot them. I made my choice. Just this one time, I would stand against our traditions and customs, and I would swallow my pride. Yes. I let them go. Even though I wasn't sure what that made me. A coward, for not seeking revenge on those who had wronged me? A fool, for letting abuses go unpunished? Why, what would the rest of the colony think of me if they discovered what I had done? That at the height of my fury, I had succumbed to showing mercy over justice? Oh, the shame of it!

Anti-Fairies were creatures of balance. Anti-Robin was my elder brother and ought to be respected, but now they had sunk a level by striking me, so no Anti-Fairy would bat an eye if I chose to respond by hurting them. A claw for a claw, an eye for an eye. It was our fate. It was decided.

But I could not - I would not - hurt Anti-Robin. Not today. The tears fell unapologetically from my eyes, but I remained firm in my decision. Not today. There had been enough pain and bad blood between us today. Today, there would be forgiveness instead of pain. And so I turned tail and flew away without retaliation, unsure what the balance and the karma of the universe meant to me anymore. Oh, I was far from being the typical Anti-Fairy, wasn't I? Maybe I really did possess a Fairy brain tucked inside the wrong body.

Perhaps on my way back to Anti-Fairy World tonight, I would stop by Novakiin again in search of Ambrosine. I could ask him about my brother. Perhaps those two could find each other, and maybe that would fix them. Surely Ambrosine would be able to find his son's counterpart if he tried, and Anti-Fergus could show him the way. Ambrosine was not the greatest therapist I'd ever met, but he was the only one I knew, and I wanted nothing more for my brother than for them to find good help.

Crossing the Barrier through the Divide gate was easy, and I bapped Jorgen von Strangle on the head with my wand as I flitted by, flaunting my orange travel card. He shouted something unintelligible, and I laughed aloud and reveled in it. It took a great deal longer than it should have to argue my way across some of the Region borders, since I didn't have a Daoist baptism medal to stand in as my passport to the southern parts of Fairy World. But at last, after spurts of poofing, far too many tram rides, and with my wings sore from flapping, I reached the Eros Nest. Charming little prison, isn't it?

I made the mistake of attempting to enter the place through the wingchair entrance on the side, which flared my anxiety before I even set claw indoors. I flew around. Ah, there it was. The doors were automatic nowadays, and startled me when they slid apart. The cherubs at the front desk (Francesco and Albert) didn't seem to know quite what to make of me. After all, I was a lone Anti-Fairy claiming I had come to see a show. They waved me through anyhow.

My first stop was, of course, to see the Anti-Fairies in their flyover tunnel. But to my surprise, the enclosure on my right side was completely devoid of life. Only the left-hand tunnel was in use, with the anti-habetrots, anti-barbegazi, anti-banshees, anti-duende, anti-kobolds, and anti-dwarves flitting about and munching on enormous pears and mangoes. I watched them for a long moment, wondering about their colourations. All the Anti-Fairies I could see ranged between shades of blue and purple. Wings were black or brown, with the anti-barbegazi having stark white ones like those of the ghost bat that was their patron. All were without clothing, and none came up to the mesh to greet me. They only squeaked, squealed, and played amongst one another. There wasn't a single green creature flying about with them.

How had Anti-Fergus got his colour? I'd forgotten to ask him. My father's notes suggested a mutation in his genes, strange as it was to think about. Perhaps Anti-Robin could tell me someday if they knew otherwise.

I shook out my wings to remind myself why I'd come. Of course, I planned to see this show on ice myself before I dared apply for the open job. I knew the rink had to be nearby. In fact, in the right-hand tunnel, I could see the Employees Only door at the rear of the enclosure that the performers must have passed through on their way out. I read a few of the podium plaques containing information about various Anti-Fairy subspecies, then hurried out of the tunnel in hopes of making it to the show in time.

But when I slid around the corner, I bumped right into a young anti-fairy damsel curling the back of her hair with a hot wand. We both stumbled against a grey door marked, helpfully, To Rink. My hand flew out to brace myself, and slapped the damsel's wrist against the cold metal. Our startled fingers tightened together. A second damsel behind her squeaked and ducked her head. "Oh!" I cried when our eyes met. Hurriedly, I straightened my glasses. "Dear me, I'm so terribly sorry. Are you all right, luv?"

The anti-fairy in front of me wore a full sapphire suit, perhaps tailored, covered in sparkly sequins and rhinestones. Floating above her head was the most amazing hat I had ever seen outside of Liloei's lamp. It was soft, rounded, and a beautiful pale, dusky blue.

Now, where might I find a hat like that? I wondered, struggling to slide my gaze anywhere else. The fabric might have been felt, or something silkier. I wasn't sure, although it did have a certain peach fuzz quality to it that I longed to reach out and touch.

She didn't look much older than I was… perhaps just barely under 150,000, and the identical damsel in the green suit who was half-hidden behind her seemed about the same. Something about the face before me, like a memory, pecked at the back of my mind. I squinted, and the damsel in blue brightened at once and grasped my wrists.

"Green eyes and ragged ears! Ben'argenta!"

"Oh!" I tried (and failed) to squirm my wrist from her grip. "Wait a moment. I know you, don't I? Why, yes! Ahahaha! I say, you're the anti-fairy with the lovely blue curls who spoke Vatajasa with me all those years ago when I was twenty-one, aren't you?"

She grinned, flashing the flat fangs I best remembered her for. "Yep! And this time, I'm wearing clothes!"

Another laugh spurted from my lips before I could try to stop it. I covered my mouth, clenching my eyes shut until my chuckles ended. "Yes, yes, I suppose you are, my dear. And it's a good look for you, I must say."

"Aw, shucks. You's a real charmer. I like your funny new glassy eyes. Hey, we was never formally introduced, was we?" She stuck out her hand, the way a Fairy would greet a stranger. Her sleeve glittered beneath the fake sunshine-white Eros Nest lights, dazzling the walls with twinkles of blue. "Name's Anti-Wanda. Winter of the Surrounding Thunder. Or at least, I think that's what I am."

A Sky year, then. That suited her, somehow, with all her loud but playful forwardness. I clasped her hand in mine, but the name that jumped from my lips was, "I'm Anti-Cosmo. Autumn of the Black Lake. I mean, I'm technically a Summer since that's the time my litter were birthed, but really, I tell everyone I'm an Autumn as that's the time my body met my lifesmoke. It's a bit of a misnomer seeing as my private name stems from a summer month and not an autumn at all, so really I suppose I should just swallow my pride and agree with my mother's insistence that I am a Summer child rather than an Autumn one despite the delays that resulted in my dark colour, and… Oh bother, there I go again, ahahaha." I pressed my right hand to my cheek, my fingers folding in. I could feel slithers of effervescence leaking from my palm and waving against my face. I struggled to keep my wingbeats steady. "Aha, you see, I always do this when I'm nervous. Not that I really should be nervous around you, for you really aren't that intimidating at all, and I mean that in the best possible way. Oh my, I'm terribly sorry, darling. Do forgive me for babbling on as I do. This really never happens, although I suppose it sometimes does."

"I get you," she said, the last word rolling into one. I forced a shaky smile, but it disappeared.

"Look here, I'm so sorry. I have this problem when I'm in social settings, and I get terribly anxious at this time of season cycle. It's spring, you know. My mind became entangled with that of a baby nature spirit when I was born, you know what I mean, ahaha? A lightning spirit. The one I tangled myself up with, so my thoughts don't always come out the way a normal person's should. Although our historian, Anti-Karina, hates it when I use the word 'normal' and I really must apologize. Anti-Karina is on the camarilla court, see. Do you know the camarilla? Well, she holds the seat of Soil, on Anti-Elina's side. Lightning spirits are always more antsy in spring, with the summer storms just around the corner, and that's when I flare up the most. Or at least, I think I do, although Ambrosine has his own theories regarding the nature of things, and they're really very unpleasant to discuss (Ambrosine is my therapist). Her name is Clarice. Sorry. My spirit's is. Although she isn't really 'mine' since she's her own soul, and she's only sharing this body with me…" I shook my head, and at last gave Anti-Wanda a smile that held. "What I mean to say is, I'm Anti-Cosmo. Year of Water."

Anti-Wanda slapped her knee, kicking one foot behind her. "Golly! Somebody wrap him up and lock him in my tank for a couple of weeks. Get on that, Anti-Wendy; I'll take two. Heck, you sure are a people person, Anti-Cosmo. I gotta say, I'm really loving the way y'all High South Region folk talk, h'yuk!"

Her cheerful accent exploded out of her like bubbly cider in a shot glass. It rang out like bells clanging on a windy day, falling down my shoulders in a rapid series of gushing waterfalls. Her "you"s came out like "ya"s and the words that ended in "ing" sounds bounced up in a sharp and delightfully unexpected manner. It swept me away, spun me around, and dropped me on my feet in a giddy whirl that carbonated my stomach acid. Nothing left Anti-Wanda's lips unless it bloomed with life, and I knew in an instant that you simply couldn't have a dull conversation with a damsel like that. Her spunk wouldn't allow you to. Anti-Wanda was a damsel who would never leave you bored, and her own smile made mine flower in turn.

"Well." Modestly, I placed my hand against my chest. "I mean, it does help considerably that I was blessed with eloquence from the moment I was born. I could run rings around my brother's tongue before I knew how to float, ahaha. You know, darling, if I am disclosing my thoughts in full, I'd be a liar if I didn't comment on that exquisite hat of yours. Its majesty compels my attention from afar, and if you step onto the ice with that floating above your head, then frankly I shan't be able to keep my eyes off its wearer the entire performance."

Anti-Wanda howled with laughter. And you know what the funny thing really was? I didn't feel offended in the slightest. Under normal circumstances, laughter might have sent me cringing away in fear of being mocked. But when Anti-Wanda laughed, she brought two skies together in a pair more natural than kitnut butter and jelly. It was the welcoming laughter of an old friend, rather than the sneer of an offended roostmate. My wings lifted. Suddenly, here in the Eros Nest, I wasn't a tongue-tied buffoon puffed up with hot air, chasing dreams that I would never reach. I was witty! I was clever!

I was charming. What fun!

"You're a real devil of a flirt, Anti-Cosmo," Anti-Wanda told me, giving her finger a wave of warning. "I'll let that one slide off my back this time, but keep that up, and I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave."

"Leave? Ha! Leave you blushing up a storm Munn himself will envy for a decade, from the looks of things, wot?"

All right. So I stole that line out of Ilisa Maddington's biography, I admit it. But could you blame me? I was set up. I hadn't intended to flirt with her- Really, my original intent was only to compliment her on her beautiful hat. All the rest sort of, well… happened, like a forgotten instinct. Or a promise yet to come.

And it was so worth it to listen to Anti-Wanda's musical giggle. She fell against the door to the ice rink, this time with both hands on her mouth and her shoulders shaking. The damsel behind her (Anti-Wendy as I recalled, and they looked so much alike that I suspected they had to be sisters close in age) only watched us both in timid silence and fidgeted with her sequined sleeves.

After a moment, Anti-Wanda regained herself and straightened up. "Okay, okay, tap the lid down. Look, I'm all for playing jokey, but we gotta call it quits for a couple hours now." And she laughed again. "That oughta give me enough time to think up a proper way to answer that one."

I couldn't help myself. I watched Anti-Wanda's mouth, my smile creeping out despite my best efforts to press it back. Confidence sparkled on her lips even more than on her clothes. It was in the casual way she leaned her arm against her cane, and the way she positioned herself between me and Anti-Wendy. Anti-Wanda didn't seem to be standing there because she feared I might actually hurt her sister, I should think, but because it soothed her sister's uncertainties to have her there. Simply put, Anti-Wanda projected a wonderfully sweet and protective air about her, like a knowing tour guide or motherly acolyte. I wanted Mona to turn out just like that when she and I were raising our pups.

Anti-Wendy coughed into her fist and gave her sister's sleeve a tug. Anti-Wanda twisted one of her blue curls around her claw. When she let it go, it sprang into a coil. She flashed her bulging flat teeth. "Well, you've been a trouble bubble of fun, Anti-Cosmo, but my sis and I have gotta hit the ice. You're gonna get us late, and my boss'll donate my earnings to charity instead of buying me lunch."

I arched my eyebrows. "Ah, but what better way to spend an afternoon than chatting with a fine gentleman such as myself, who only has your best interests at heart?"

She snorted and set her free hand to her hip. "It's my dumb ol' hat you're after, you codfish."

"Not true, not true." I reached for the hand that held her cane, and raised it to my lips as though I meant to kiss her knuckles. I allowed my gaze to linger on her face. "I'm more interested in the one who's wearing it."

Anti-Wanda's lips twitched again. She pushed my shoulder with her other hand. "Which is gonna be my study-underer in about ten wingbeats if you don't get out of my way."

I allowed her wrist to flutter down with a sigh. "Oh, very well. If you really must go. But I shall count down the moments until I see you both twirling about out there in the rink in all your splendour." I nodded at Anti-Wendy too, and she ducked shyly away.

Anti-Wanda tapped her chin. "Huh. You wanna hear a secret? Sit your blue buns in the front row, starboard side. You'll get a good view."

I leaned forward on my toes, clasping my hands behind my back. "Mm, is that so?"

She rolled her eyes. "Of the show, ya snick."

Her voice was marshmallow on butterscotch, drizzled in chocolate cream, with definite nuts littered all throughout it. A hint rocky, and just a bit lumpy here and there, but I could have listened to her talk all day.

"Your Snobbish is impeccable now," I breathed. Perhaps we had both come a long way since the tiny days of our youth. To think: The last time we'd exchanged words, we'd both been fumbling around.

"Huh?" Her eyes widened. "What's that, 'peckapecking'?'"

The question left her in a purr that slid the two words into one with a thrilling roll of zzzs. A slight chill tiptoed down my spine. As a performer of the stage, Anti-Wanda conveyed that sort of majesty over everyone, I'm quite sure. I shivered and smiled yet again. "Oh, dear me. I'm sorry, darling. Allow me to clarify for you. I was only saying that your Snobbish has improved immensely over the years. It's delightful to communicate with you so easily, without that pesky language barrier keeping us apart."

Anti-Wanda nodded. "Well, it was my native tongue, a real long time ago. Learning it back was kinda easier than learning Vatajasa frontwards. I gotta say, my soul always kinda missed it."

"Yes, well, it's clear the language never left you."

She smiled. "Well, shucks. It'll never be as perfect as it coulda been, but I try. You're a mighty sweet potato, Anti-Cosmo. Maybe I'll see ya 'round the Nest another day? We ain't ever busy here any time other than our shows."

"Around?" A thrill coursed through my blood. I had a friend here now! Someone who, like Anti-Kanin, was actively choosing to be around me because she honestly enjoyed my company, and not simply because she and I had been betrothed when we were seven years old, or because she was my cousin, or anything like that! Ah!

"Well, yeah!" Anti-Wanda tucked one of her bouncy curls over her shoulder. "I'll bet you've got a whole lot of stories to tell about what the outside world is like."

"You want to travel someday," I remembered.

Her eyes turned wistful with pain. "Yeah. More than anything. But here I am, doing my shows 'til the boss dame lets me go. S'not all bad. At least I ain't messed in the head all animal-dumb like the fruities across the way. They're a heckuva lot cuckoo in the keisters, if'n you know what I mean."

Behind her, Anti-Wendy coughed again. This time, I stepped away, and even offered the dames a farewell bow. "I'll be going now. Front row. Starboard side. There I'll be, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed."

"You big blunt High Southy drakes," was the last thing I heard Anti-Wanda say as she and Anti-Wendy passed through the door to the rink. "Telling me about your tail before we even got a date."

The heavy door fell shut behind them. I stood, speechless, just staring after them.

How did I do that? Why, I was perhaps the most anxious drake in the entire Castle, except I suppose for jittery Harold. True, I'd gained tremendous practice whispering sweet teasings to Mona, but I'd never tried to use them on anyone else before. I hadn't thought I'd be able to. Flirting hadn't been my intention when I began this conversation, for in all honesty, I'd simply wished to express my love for her wonderful hat. I mean, it wasn't as though I were at all attracted to this damsel. How could I be, when I didn't even know her? I certainly didn't feel anything for her the way I felt for Mona. Not in a physical sense. And yet, the flirting (if that's what it really was) came so naturally to me once I got started, like an old and forgotten instinct.

I glanced uncertainly at the corridor around me, rubbing behind my neck. Um. Well, in truth, I wasn't sure I was comfortable accepting the fact that I had just engaged in such playful banter with another damsel behind Mona's back. She had recently asked me not to conspire with damsels in secret, after all.

But then again… Why, Mona would never find out about this so long as I didn't tell her. I should hate to upset her, so I would simply take this secret to my next incarnation. What she didn't know wouldn't hurt her, you know what I mean?

I shook my head, whistled a single low note, and reached up to adjust my crown. "My oh my. What a fine dame that Anti-Wanda was, wouldn't you say, Lohai darling? You know, the one Julius on my shoulder is saying that she and I must have been as thick as thieves or saints in a former life. And the Julius on my other shoulder is chiding me not to let a good girl go. Hm."

With my hands still clasped behind me, I made my way around to the ice rink's public entrance door, musing over the shining bounce that lived in Anti-Wanda's eyes.

The crowd that came to watch the show was small, and comprised of more non-magical Alien tourists than Fairies. I made it to my seat the very second before the lights in the skating rink dimmed. Front row as promised, divided from the ice by a mere glass barrier with a thick rail along the top. As I settled in and crossed my arms against the chill, I puzzled over my spontaneous conversation with Anti-Wanda. Fascinating dame to be sure, but oh, how amusing she was! She'd stolen my friendship without even trying. Had I really been out there a moment ago, indulging in a playful spot of banter with a dame I hardly knew?

I evaluated my opinion of Anti-Wanda once more as the show's music began, and found myself surprised (and just a bit disappointed) not to turn up any feelings I considered officially romantic. Oh.

The skaters entered the rink one at a time, to the delight of the crowd. A thin, black-haired drake who looked familiar would be playing Anti-Kahnii, the first High Count of the Anti-Fairies long, long ago. I squinted at him, tapping one claw against my cheek. Ah, yes. His name was Anti-Juandissimo, as I recalled from our introductions long ago. Well, he looked androgynous enough for the part, with his dark hair tied back in that low pegasustail. I'd believe it.

Half the performers gathered in a circle on one side of the rink, and the other half on the far end. I was high enough in the seats that I could see them all fairly well. A single figure stood in each circle of ice dancers. The one nearer me was Anti-Wanda, in her lead role as Anti-Shylinda Anti-Coppertalon, the first High Countess. In the other circle was Anti-Wendy, shy and fidgety. She was the only one on the ice to be wearing green instead of blue, but for the life of me, I couldn't put my claw on why.

That is, until Anti-Wanda began to sing. A hush fell across the rink as her circle of companions broke to reveal her. I cocked my ears forward, as captivated as a promise on the line. She lifted her cane in the air, and balanced it on a single claw. While she skated about.

"Yup! Colour fell to poor blue hands with Rhoswen's fade to dust. Coppertalons rose up then to tame the ancient lust. With spirit bears to guide our way, we'll build our people up."

Anti-Wanda's voice rang with the passion of someone who had studied her lines carefully for weeks on end, and not only committed them to memory, but learned their emotions too. I melted into it. It was then that Anti-Juandissimo skated forward and threw out his arms to welcome all of us.

"The way won't be an easy one, and we have pasts to shed. From smoke we came, so smoke we'll chase, our travel lanterns burning red. Anti-Shy, find us a home!"

"Find us a home!" the other skaters chorused, and Anti-Juandissimo pointed high.

"Umbrae fierce and biting strong, now who can set us free?"

The music tipped into a lighter tune, swirling with butter and liquid love. Anti-Wanda leaned against her cane and gave her hat a tip. "I'm Anti-Shy! My people cry. So what's a gal to do? Oh, it ain't no accident I'm queen, 'cuz I've got me some secrets… Yeah, I've got me some secreeets too!" With the hook of her cane, Anti-Wanda tugged Anti-Juandissimo towards her by the neck. She winked at the crowd in the process. "I never claimed or tried to say I weren't the type that trouble finds. So when Lady Luck's got a problem, yeah! Betcha every coin I've got, her problem's bound ta be with me."

Ah, so Anti-Wendy must be playing Lady Luck tonight, with all the forces of wild umbrae and untamed demons at her command, and in hot pursuit of the early anti-fairies that Anti-Shylinda had led to what became the Blue Castle's building site. Though Anti-Wendy was still so nervous and shaky under the spotlight, this promised to be interesting indeed. I couldn't help my smirk. Costumes swirled and music played. Dancers paired up and spun one another around. Anti-Juandissimo grabbed both of Anti-Wanda's wrists, and together they took the floor, with the snowflake-shaped spotlight tailing behind them. I folded my arms on the railing and leaned as far forward as I could go. All the skaters' movements captivated my imagination and stole my soul away. For a moment, it was as though I were dancing beside them, keeping pace dash for dash across the ice.

Anti-Juandissimo released Anti-Wanda and left her in the spotlight alone. She twirled on one foot as though she'd done it every day of her life. She twirled longer, and longer, and then the crowd was gasping as she held her foot in her hand and bent her leg behind her head. Silent appreciation left my lips in something like a sigh. Flexibility, fast and furious, was a highly valued trait among Anti-Fairies, and not one I had ever put forth the effort into mastering myself. She bathed in that lone spotlight, twinkling with more sapphire than the setting moon in a silver pond.

She was incredible. Only a liar or a loon would try to tell you otherwise. For the first time in my life, I wished I had grown up in the Eros Nest alongside her. I'd have loved to skate the way she did.

Anti-Wanda's foot returned to the rink. She zipped directly towards me. I blinked, and with a whisper, she was there. She hopped up onto the railing directly in front of my nose, her skates dangling over the ice. Startled, I tried to pull away. Anti-Wanda caught my wrist before I could go far. She made the same wagging motion with her finger that she had earlier when we were in the corridor.

"So if you're down in Hy-Brasil, boy, try your luck and come on down tomorr-ah… I'll play snapjik; you try fidch'. We'll see which of us the winner is. These blue hills could use a li'l settling down, and I'm sure liking the view so far."

The crowd oohed and chuckled around me as though they could see me turning pink beneath my fur. Speechless, I gazed up at her. My mouth might have been dangling more than a little. I couldn't say for certain what it was about that mystifying damsel in the blue sequined suit, but something about her presence was oddly comfortable, even though she and I were still mainly strangers. It had something to do with the fact that when I listened to her speak… I was content to simply listen, and be. I didn't feel as though I was expected to be anything more than what I was.

When Anti-Wanda smiled at me, she glowed like sunshine across the North Pole. She plucked off her bowler hat and dropped it squarely on my crown. It was so large, I had to push its brim up out of my eyes. By the time I did, she had slipped back to the ice and skated away again. My cheeks turned a blustery cold to suit my flushing. If I'd been asked to speak, only a squeak would have left my mouth.

What a damsel, I thought again.

In the next instant, the reason for my nerves clicked. The culture of Anti-Fairy World demanded strict social protocol, reliant upon the elements of the zodiac cycle. Being born in the Water year, it was my inborn right to lead Sky, Soil, Breath, and Leaves years in all ways, whether that be by guiding conversations, or by twirling about in a dance onstage. I was likewise expected to defer to those born in the Love and Fire years at all times. Only they were socially permitted to be the first to approach me. Truth be told, such culture was ingrained in me so deeply, I'd never questioned it even during my long and boring years trapped inside of Liloei's lamp.

But while Anti-Wanda may be an Anti-Fairy, she hadn't grown up under my cultural umbrella living here in the Eros Nest. So this was new to me. I tried to remind myself that she was only doing her job, and if it involved a bit of toying with the audience, well, then that was simply how it was. I mean, I'm sure she said the same thing to every anti-fairy drake who crossed the border and came up all this way. The fact remained that she had no idea she was doing something completely unheard of in Anti-Fairy society at large: A Sky damsel, openly taking the initiative to flirt with a drake she knew perfectly well to be a Water? Ha… ha… Ahahaha… It wasn't natural! Why, I didn't even know her!

Now I was the one who was blushing up the storm that would incite Munn's envy. In a matter of social status, Anti-Wanda was beneath me. She had no right to come onto me like this without invitation, even if it was all pretend play. I mean, can you imagine Munn ever teasing Sunnie the same way Anti-Wanda was teasing me? No, of course not. It wasn't his right. There was order in all things, and Anti-Fairies understood that better than anyone. The universe had a particular balance to maintain. Tarrow designed my people to be ultra sensitive to the ebb and flow of luck in the world so we might help to keep that balance. Those born in the year of Sky were intended to be subject to those born in the year of Water, for only then could true, balanced happiness be attained. That was what I had been taught ever since I was born. The spirits had their ways for a reason. Tarrow knew best. This was our fate. It was decided.

I was supposed to be horrendously offended that Anti-Wanda would even consider flirting with me in such a direct way in the public eye. Yet here I stood on the other side of the barrier from the most bubbly damsel I had ever had the pleasure of conversing with, and I wasn't offended at all.

I wasn't supposed to enjoy this in any manner whatsoever. It was unthinkably inappropriate. Sacrilegious, even. No, no, I certainly wasn't supposed to enjoy her teasings.

But I did.

Yes, yes, it was all a game to her, but good smoke, I felt so blooming wanted. Although, I knew then and there that I could never accept a job on the rink beside her. No. This was Anti-Wanda's place, and I could never measure up to her standards here. I should so hate to embarrass her in her own element.

When Anti-Wanda skated off, she performed spin after leap, and leap after spin. Anti-Juandissimo joined in now and again. They skated as a couple, swinging one another around. In this way, Anti-Wanda made her way along the outer edge of the rink. For part of her routine, she skated backwards as she blew kisses in my general direction. Then Anti-Juandissimo swung her again, and sent her twirling away.

How curious, I thought rather absently. I wonder how she'll manage to avoid that wall just behind her.

My question was answered when she smacked straight into it. Or rather, her foot did. Yes. I was there at the Nest to witness the day that Anti-Wanda's skate connected furiously with the glass and shattered the entire pane. Shards flew into the audience, and gasps circled the arena like a snake. I clapped my hand over my mouth and clamped my lips shut. That blocked my echolocation from picking up some of the details, but it didn't change the fact that I had just seen that poor damsel crash and fall. She lay on the ice with both hands crumpled around her jaw. Anti-Juandissimo, in a flustered panic, fled the rink at top speed.

He left her. Anti-Wanda was alone there amidst the frost and glass shards, limp. The crowd shuffled around me. People whispered, but no one moved. I could do nothing but stare at her unmoving body. She needed help. Or if she wasn't injured physically, she was bound to require a shoulder to cry on in order to take the edge off the embarrassment she must be burning under now.

But no one was coming for her. And Anti-Juandissimo had fled. Well, any moment now, I'd leap out there myself and rush to her aid.

Any moment now.

Any moment now…

I shrank into my seat, covering my face with my hands. The bowler hat's brim tipped over my eyes again. I sizzled with second-hand shame. Oh, how humiliated that poor dame must be, lying sprawled out there on the ice, dazed and stunned!

A moment later, Anti-Wanda popped onto her knees, laughing until she howled, and the crowd laughed along with her to hide the ones who were laughing at her. I clutched the hat more tightly to my head and wilted like a flower. I suppose that's when and where I learned how well a little laughter can disguise a lot of pain.

It was an hour more before the ice show ended. Once it had, I waited in the corridor outside the side door to the rink, holding Anti-Wanda's bowler hat between my hands. Sure enough, the performers came out before long. The first few didn't hold my interest. I continued to wait. At last I spotted Anti-Wanda and Anti-Juandissimo float through the doorway, chatting and laughing together. Both halted when they saw me. Anti-Juandissimo took one look at my face, and his eyes widened. They snapped down to my hand, then up again.

"I hope I'm not intruding on a moment," I apologised, and held out the hat. "You see, I only wanted to return this. I would hate to be a bother. You were wonderful out there today, you know. Absolutely wonderful. And that was a smashing recovery you made after your fall, I must say."

Too late did I realise "smashing" was perhaps the worst adjective I could have used here. I forced on a strained smile anyhow.

Anti-Wanda lit up. She pulled Anti-Juandissimo towards her by the shoulders, steering him directly in front of me. "Hey! Anti-Cosmo, this here's my sugar-sweet boyfriend, Anti-Juandy. You remember?"

Boyfriend. She still had that boyfriend.

A fiery emotion like skewered lightning shot through me from tail to temples, bubbling in my veins. Oh, if only I could find the words to explain how I felt when I saw her there with her casual arm slung around Anti-Juandissimo's shoulders- how absolutely proud I was that she had maintained such a trusting relationship with him for so many years, even if at times he fled her side in knee-jolt shame. She'd forgiven him anyway, as a loving partner should. Their relation was built on unbreakable care. That's what love is all about. Good on you, my silly little crumpet! I wanted to shout, my false smile breaking into a true one. No one handed you anything on a silver platter! No one can stop you! You're doing grand!

"Ahaha! Why, of course I remember you, Anti-Juan, you dashing old comedian." I held out my hands, palms down for him to take. "We were best friends in another lifetime, I'm sure."

"Oui, oui, monsieur," he softly said, his gaze downcast. He took my hands, sliding his fingers very quickly. I smirked despite myself and straightened my wings.

"I say, you're a bit of a shy tucker there, eh?" And he hobbled when he walked, too.

Anti-Juandissimo nodded mutely and kissed Anti-Wanda's cheek. She nuzzled him in turn and waved farewell to me. I chuckled as they floated by. They weren't the handsomest pair I'd ever met, but they were certainly interesting.

Then my smile faded. Wait a moment. I checked my hand, then patted the pockets of my coat, frowning as I went along. Funny… Now, where was my…?

I clicked my teeth, then poofed in front of Anti-Juandissimo so I was floating on my stomach, my chin propped up on my hands. He and Anti-Wanda both flicked back their ears in surprise. I raised my eyebrows. "If I may trouble you just a moment more, my good fellow?"

"Oui?"

I pointed twice down at his hand, then pointed sideways at my bare middle finger. Anti-Juandissimo glanced down. Sheepishly, he opened his fist to reveal my turquoise betrothal ring. The clever thief had slipped it from my finger. Impressive. He held it up, and I made a show of swiping it back and twisting it into place again. Anti-Wanda, at least, looked both confused and somewhat embarrassed for her companion's actions. As she should. When I grinned, I showed all my fangs and then some.

"Thaaank you. Well now, see you around, old chap. And I'll most certainly keep my ear out for you, Anti-Wanda, should you ever make a name for yourself as a traveller someday. Do look me up anytime you pass near the Blue Castle, wot? Ta ta!" With a tip of my crown and a twitch of my wand, I was gone from their lives as quickly as I'd come.

---

A/N - What Anti-Fergus told Julius is true: Despite the suspicions of those in the Castle, it was never Anti-Robin Sr. who had a hereditary mental illness, but Anti-Florensa. Since Fairies and Anti-Fairies don't understand human disorders (and can't contract the same ones due to the fact that Fairy and Anti-Fairy brains are halfway between those of humans and halfway between those of animals), Anti-Florensa and Anti-Robin Jr. would both be diagnosed with divus displacement disorder or as having a nature spirit tangled in their brains like Julius was, even though their conditions are different.

As we already know, Julius has a magical condition similar to bipolar disorder, but with more bat/insect biology. Anti-Florensa and Anti-Robin Jr. have something closer to schizophrenia (wind spirits). Schizophrenia normally shows up in young adulthood, and our magical schizophrenia condition here is the same way. Anti-Florensa can make educated guesses about one's future according to the flow of their karmic weave. Anti-Robin Jr. can read bits and pieces of one's past life. Both can sense karmic weaves without wearing Tarrow's sacred cloak (the red one First General Anti-Buster wears), and without biting into the "karmic pouch" on the left side of someone's neck. Of course, having something like schizophrenia kick on only during young adulthood means Anti-Robin Jr. never showed signs of his condition until now, and received no treatments in his youth as a result.

Basically, Fairies consider all extreme deviations from "the norm" in Anti-Fairies to be the result of divus displacement disorder. It's all they know. Anti-Fairies are aware that there are different subsets of the disorder, and explain them through the use of nature spirits. Do forgive Anti-Florensa and Anti-Robin for their rudeness and abuses- I wrote them this way because plot. Don't worry too much about Anti-Robin's fate. He's not in a good place right now since he's still overwhelmed with the sheer amount of information he's just starting to read off people, but he'll improve over time and heal his relationship with his little brother, too. Happy ending! (Anti-Florensa's kind of stuck because she's stubbornly in denial and refuses any kind of treatment, though.)

Possibly worth pointing out that I always write Anti-Cosmo being super uncomfortable around the anti-wisps purely because if I resolved all the social stigmas in his time period, there wouldn't be anything left for Foop and Anti-Marigold to go up against. Do forgive him. It's not a piece of his character I'm fond of, but such is his fate. It's decided.