Frayed Knots

by FountainPenguin

"It's not my problem if you're embarrassed, Anti-Cosmo," H.P. said as I hugged my shoulders. He scratched his chin. "Hm. I suppose there's no help for it. If you honestly and truly want to wear a hat, then you'll have to secure a high position of power so no one ever dares to say anything about it that's negative in the least." (Written August 2016 - Ongoing)

21. Bottled Emotions

A/N - This chapter parallels the Origin of the Pixies chapter, "Fruitful Fruition"

(Posted November 27, 2018)

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Bottled Emotions

In which Julius comes to terms with himself and the goings-on of the Eros Nest during the Year of the Golden Goslings

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I shot from the washroom so fast, I bowled Asher over. Juandissimo only barely ducked away in time. "Sorry," I shouted back, but only partly meant it. I winged my way back through the corridor, flinging pings of echolocation as I went. Lohai's carpet bag swung and slapped against me. My brow furrowed, but I hadn't forgotten the way. The path felt familiar. Left turn. Then swing right, and cut across the bridge that spanned the drop to Planet Earth below. Where was that door? That, I didn't know.

"Señor, please!"

There was my right turn. I pulled up before the employee access door, staring in frustration at the silver handle. Double locked today. I could pick the physical one without problem, but disabling the magical hex would take a moment longer. Perhaps it was best to take the long way around the Nest. At least then, I could keep moving. Besides that, what were the odds of me finding the door locked when it almost never was? How curious. Why, the spirits were practically waving red flags in my face to warn me away from this path! It was too much of a coincidence to be anything other than fate. So I veered away, speeding up my wingbeats.

Poof! Juandissimo materialised before me, holding his hands together in a plea. I yelped and poofed around him, but he reappeared in another cloud of dust. Oh, perfect. I ground my fangs together. "Excuse me."

"Señor, your presence has been requested in the surgery room. Please, will you join us?"

My fingers twitched towards my wand. "Out of my way, I must insist. This is far more important, I assure you."

Juandissimo took my forearms and pushed them into the air. His gaze locked with mine. "I am under orders to return you to Señor Pickfeather. I cannot disobey."

"Oh, give over!" I shoved his shoulder away with my hand. "That lout ought to thank me for his existence. I blitzed his granddaddy."

Juandissimo pulled back, his eyebrows raised. I poofed off again, this time using my wand, and ended up much closer to my destination. The Fairy hall. The employee access side of the hall, specifically, since my wand had previously been chipped to allow me in. I shook my head and flew the rest of the way. Which one, which one…?

I found the rear door to Ilisa's cabin the moment Juandissimo found me. Screen door. Hexless, by the sound of it. Plain lock. Of course. Without magic and with employees stationed nearby, Ilisa wouldn't have been able to get out, so an unenchanted lock was all they'd ever needed. I shoved the star-capped end of my wand in the scanner and jimmied it around while Juandissimo hovered behind me, both his hands pressed over his mouth.

"Señor, please! We must go."

The lock clicked open. It moved with ease. My fury slowed. I stared at the door for several silent seconds, lowering myself to the ground. Oh. Oh. Swallowing, I sheathed my wand and pulled in my wings.

"Ah. Erm. Well now. You know, suddenly I'm not so sure I can do this."

Juandissimo glanced at me, rubbing one of his temples with two fingers. "What, really, are you trying to accomplish, señor?"

I stared at the mesh in the door's screen. "Oh my gods. I don't know." My fingers moved automatically to the left pocket of my coat. Tucked in there, deep down at the bottom, lay the shiny black button I'd stolen from the Water Temple. I pulled it out, looked at it, and clenched my hand into a fist.

I might not get another chance. "I'm sorry," I muttered to Juandissimo without turning around. The button went back in my pocket. I smoothed my shirt with my fingertips. "I have to do this."

"Señor," he protested, "Ilisa's wheelchair, it is not here."

"This isn't about the chair, you know." I pulled the door open, and glanced over my shoulder. Juandissimo stared at me, his wings fluttering a kilobeat a second. I tilted my head, gesturing inside the cabin with a wave of my hand. "Well? Are you coming?"

Juandissimo grasped his hair in both fists. "This- this is madness! We should not be here. We are not permitted. We must return to Señor Pickfeather. Those are the rules!"

"In a moment," I promised, making the sweeping gesture again. Eyeing me nervously, Juandissimo pulled in his wings and stepped through the doorway. I followed, allowing the door to swing shut behind me. He flinched when it did and hastily lit the end of his wand. I lit mine, although blue instead of yellow. In silence, we raised our arms and examined what little of our surroundings we could see.

Ilisa's cabin only had one level. Two rooms. One large sleeping pallet on full display, coated in soft animal skins, as was common for basic bedding a million years ago. Hmph. The bed's purpose was obvious, and clutched my chest in a squeeze. I dropped my gaze, lowering my glowing wand. Rough wooden floorboards. A dresser bearing a few dry flower stems. Not much else. Just the one breeding room, and one attached washroom for cleaning up in between. No kitchen area to speak of, or even a dining table. Of course. Why would Ilisa need a place to prepare her own meals when the Eros Triplets kept her on a strict diet and fed her breakfast in bed every day of her service?

"I," Juandissimo said softly, his voice halting on the word. I glanced at him, and he licked his lips. His wand sparked. "I… have never been here before. It looks brighter in the paintings."

"That doorway is terribly narrow," I noticed dryly. "Too thin for either a wheelchair or adult wings. One must land to step through, mustn't one? Cruel trick, that. Ilisa couldn't walk."

"Why are we here, señor?" he asked. His wand sparked again, and I shot him a wary glance. He was a luz mala, brought into existence through magical means. That meant his magic was inherently unstable. Fairies were naturally creatures of empathy, and if his feelings began to overwhelm him, I didn't want to be around.

"I'm looking for something," I said, holding out my wand. I stepped forward, keeping my eyes on the floor. "I don't know what it is, exactly, but I'll know it when I find it. Something good, and innocent, and right. Something…"

There. On the ground, tucked halfway under the raised sleeping pallet.

My wand slipped from my hand, its light puttering out. My legs wobbled beneath me. Suddenly, Lohai's bag felt more like an anchor dragging me into a deep, dark pit. As my eyes welled up with tears, I pressed my hand over my mouth and sniffled. Oh. I fell to my knees, and then reached my hand forward. A scrappy plush animal made of red cloth lay on the floor, gathering dust. I lit my wand again and sat there, holding both. When I turned the little bear's face towards mine, I drank in the white skull-like markings with the three jagged teeth to form the mouth. One of her deep black button eyes was missing, just as I remembered it would be. Whimpering, I hugged her to my chest and ducked my head.

"Nothing's changed." The words hitched as they left my tongue. "Even after all these years. Thank gods. Thank gods. They didn't sentence anyone else to this place."

Juandissimo knelt beside me, holding his wand with both hands in his lap. "Oh," he said, very softly. "Are you Zodii, señor?"

I nodded without opening my eyes.

"This would mean you believe in reincarnation, sí?"

I nodded again, tightening my grip on the old bear. The limp in my wing ached all the way to my spine.

"I see," Juandissimo murmured. He turned his wand over between his fingers, allowing silence to sit between us.

"You believe me," I said, opening my eyes with caution. He looked at me, with a neutral expression. His eyes glowed in the dark, and even when he dropped them to his hands, I could still make out their violet colour.

"I… hesitate to make a judgement call, señor. This is not my place. I shall not overstep. But please, señor, we must return to Señor Pickfeather soon. The gyne is to come out of surgery soon, and they will wonder where you are."

"His name is Mr. Whimsifinado," I muttered. Juandissimo did not reply. I shut my eyes again and leaned back against the old skins and furs on the sleeping pallet, cradling the bear to my shoulder like a sleepy pup. "He has a name."

A few seconds passed in silence. Then, slowly, Juandissimo raised his head. He brought his hands near his chest, linking his fingers together. "Señor, I… I have something I wish to confess. May I speak openly in your presence, por favor?"

"Please, darling."

His thumbs tapped together. "I saw… You stood for the gyne when he was so scared. For Señor Whimsifinado." The name conflicted with his accent just enough to make one end of my mouth quirk up in a smile. Juandissimo didn't notice, his hands shaking, brows crunched together. Again, he pressed against his chest. "You have always spoken to me as though I deserve to call myself a fairy. Why do you do this?"

I brought my knees up, frowning. "Whyever not? You're a person, aren't you?"

Juandissimo's eyes swelled with pained hesitation. "But you are an Anti-Fairy. Your people, they are evil. You taunt us with your bad luck, and hurt our homes and families. How can you do this, and then try to be our friend?"

I thought about that for a moment. It would have been easy, so easy, to deflect the blame of bad luck upon the umbrae my people fought an endless war with. But Juandissimo's tone was sincere and frightened, and I could not do that to him. So I said, "We balance the universe, as The Great Universe Queen Whose Name Anti-Fairy Tongues Do Not Speak desires us to. Eons ago, Tarrow blessed our smoke with sentience so we might fulfil a destiny. A world that veers from the point of homeostasis cannot maintain its valued ecosystems. Balance is everything."

"Balance?"

"Well, some people believe 'good' and 'evil' to be opposites."

He paused. "Good needs no evil, señor. Happy does not need heartbreak."

I sighed and hugged the bear. "Balance is everything," I said again, more firmly this time. "This is why every species of creature, from us to angels to wild animals, has variation in personality. Aggressive members of a species defend territory at the risk of losing offspring, while passive members of a species see more of their children reared to adulthood at the risk of losing territory. A species as a whole cannot last long without balance in all things. Variation is survival. That's why I support my fellows who spread bad luck in the field. Fairies ensure the survival of our children by protecting their own, just as their Domestic Fae ancestors did long ago. Anti-Fairies secure territory. My people protect your farms from pests, and your flocks from hungry demons, and your homes from thieves, just as we did when we were Solitary Fae. Our twin races flourish because of, not in spite of, one another. Neither of us could live without our opposite, for more reasons than the most obvious one which comes to mind. Do you see?"

Juandissimo was not convinced. Shifting the way he sat on his feet, he said, "You hurt my people every day."

"… Yes. Some of us. Not all of us. It would seem that some of my people have forgotten we were once your guardians. And some of yours have forgotten we were once your equals. Some of you. Not all of you."

"Ah, sí."

He finally sounded satisfied. I rather suspected he was Daoist, but if he saw no reason to contend with me, I saw no reason to contend with him. I leaned back my head once more, stroking the soft ears of the little skull-faced bear.

"It was here in this room, you know. In my past life as Ilisa Maddington. I was the only one of my kind, except for my children, and Drk. Euan ensured I bred plentifully so my offspring would never go extinct. I was s-so beautiful in their minds with my fascinating wings, and so the Triplets paired me up with nearly every drake they could find. It was in this room. All of them, on this very pallet. I wasn't allowed to leave. I couldn't leave." I pressed my clenched fist against my forehead. "I remember. Not in full… It's partly blocked from me even now, but I was addicted to their praise. Their compliments. Their bodies. So many delightful, slippery bodies. Oh my gods- Ambrosine, skittish and awkward. Yes, I was his first kiss. I remember! And there were others."

Juandissimo waited for me to finish, his hands resting on his knees. When I briefly paused to wipe a tear away with my thumb, he said, "I am so sorry, señor. Ilisa… She was not treated with the kindness that she should have been shown. The Eroses, they wished to preserve her species… but they did not ask Ilisa if this was okay with her. With… you."

"Yes, I know. I know. It's just… Smoke. I took my place before the Fairy Council as the will o' the wisp ambassador, once. I could fly. I didn't need the chair so long as I had room to stretch my wings, so no one knew. My mother was a coward who feared the world wouldn't find me beautiful anymore if they knew, and she always begged me not to tell. My staff - the one I carried to the council meetings and the battlefield - once belonged to Fergusius the Great. All my fellow ambassadors hated me for not engaging in lifetime monogamy with a single partner. As if I had a bloody choice.

"And then the war- don't start me on the war! I didn't get to see it end. I- I died in the Soil Temple, buried alive and beautiful no longer. My wings… Those horrid falling rocks tore off my wing, and that was when I knew I only had minutes left." I clasped my hands against my eyes, suddenly thick in the throat. The cloth bear fell to my lap. My wings swept forward, wrapping over my shoulders. "I-it's so very difficult, you know what I mean? I faded away wishing I could fly just one last time. The Triplets never let me fly while I was in the Nest. Oh, I would do anything to fly again. To live a life I wanted to. Free. Unrestrained…"

"I'm sorry, señor. I am no Eros Triplet, or even a cherub." Juandissimo moved one hand to my leg, and lifted my chin with the tip of his wand. I blinked unhappily at his eyes, and realised he was weeping too. His fingers squeezed. "This is not a real apology, coming from a simple fairy like me, but I am so sorry to hear these things. What you describe would be very hard to live."

I flattened my wrist over my mouth until my teeth bit bone. "Oh! I saved the Mulberry Division from the Temple's collapse when I died. Ambrosine was there… He and his sister were the last ones to ever see me alive. I'm the reason their forces went on to destroy the Shadow Bridge. Luna's Landing lost its Bridge to Earth because of me. It's my fault the war ended in the Fairies' favour. And- and…" I closed my eyes. "Gods, it's fuzzy now. Oh- Juandissimo, old sport, don't wipe my tears with your sleeve like that. The acid will burn right through the fabric."

"That's but a small matter, señor."

And then I realised something else, and I sobbed even harder. "Her name was never Clarice! She tried to tell us who she was every time a mind-melder asked, and we all misheard. I'm a Fairy! A Fairy in an Anti-Fairy's body!"

"I know, señor," Juandissimo murmured, holding me close. I buried my face in his chest and wept until my wings collapsed against my back. He pressed his cheek against the top of my head, staring at the wall in the dark while our wands burned on the floor beside us. Gold and blue. That Daoist fairy held a Zodii anti-one like we were brothers, and instead of mocking my beliefs in favour of his, he wiped my boiling tears against his own shirt and whispered gently in my ear, "I know."

Because Juandissimo had been so patient with me for the several minutes that I cried with him, I did not argue when he finally urged me (gently) to join Asher and my fellow researchers in the alpha surgery room where they were, ah, working with Mr. Whimsifinado. We were too late to join them, as they'd put him under a sleeping spell and begun prodding around his insides by the time we reached the corridor. Drk. Ludell, Triplet of the Evening, happened to be outside the surgery room door with his quiver slung over one shoulder. He was pulling on his gloves, a winged mug floating in the air beside him. A hexagonal pixie nymph balanced in his arm, whining softly. Good man, really, but every time I looked at his sharp face and cropped pink hair, my skin crawled with memories of Anti-Ludell imprisoning my soul in a jar when I was but lifesmoke long ago.

With him (to my surprise) was young Drk. Cupid: Dm. Venus' eldest son and therefore the next Triplet of the Morning in line. He had a quiver of his own positioned between his feathered wings, the arrows tipped with razor points despite his inexperience in the field. As was tradition in the Eros family, he wore little but a pink coat and cloth garment around his waist, much like the depictions of Aengus, the ancient god of love among the Tuatha Dé Danann. Technically he outranked his uncle, even though he was hardly more than a nymph. The buttons on his jacket had been slipped through the wrong holes.

At our approach, Drk. Ludell nudged his nephew forward with his foot. I hovered in the background. Juandissimo apologised profusely on my behalf, wings spread low and wide. He took the blame for our sudden disappearance… blame he probably shouldn't have taken, but I was very grateful. I couldn't have handled a scolding in the shaken mindset I was in. Drk. Cupid clasped his hands at his waist, obviously flustered at the sight of an older, taller fairy drake treating him as a superior. His crossed eyes couldn't seem to decide where he ought to look.

Right about then, I heard movement behind the two cherubs. When I leaned to the side, I realised that the clear chambers at the end of the corridor - we called them 'on deck,' officially - were all occupied by will o' the wisp counterparts in pink surgery gowns. We used those triangular chambers for holding fae before surgery or between running tests on them, and all three counterparts were present. My eyes widened. The anti-wisp I recognised instantly, smiling her dumb smile and braiding her unbrushed black hair. The refract slouched where he stood. He toyed with ten sock puppets, and didn't glance up even when I strayed over to get a closer look.

The primary counterpart faced me, one hand braced against her hip and the other palm flat against the glass wall beside her cheek. Her hair caught my attention first, as it began with blue on her scalp before fading into yellow, orange, and red at its lower tips. Then her wings: black, speckled around the edges with spots of blue, orange, and white. Interesting- wisps always took their wing colour from their father's eyes, you know. She showed the swallowtail gene too, at the bases: Two little tags swirling below her wings like a family cowlick. Although I'd never met her, I certainly remembered her counterpart from that time I'd visited Anti-Fergus. Kalysta Ivorie.

My eyes began at her navel, then slowly rose to her face. I had to tilt back my head. She was tall. Taller than Mr. Whimsifinado, and he'd been tall. Good smoke, she was really quite tall. She gazed down at me, just as I gazed up at her. I'm not sure there's ever been such a tall wisp, as a matter of fact. I'd been tall as Ilisa, but she would have dwarfed me even then. Funny. We were related, but we looked so different after a few generations between us. Her ears were still pointed, her face narrow rather than round, but her skin had darkened by a few shades compared to mine.

"I've read your novels," I said, for lack of anything else to say. Clasping my hands at my waist, I shrugged. "Well. Bits and pieces of most of them. Mostly over my roommate's shoulder, actually."

Kalysta leaned back her head, leaving her hand on the wall where it was. "Aren't you a bit underage for erotic literature?"

"Well, I've always had a soft spot for will o' the wisp authors, and you're the most famous one there's ever been. Although…" Here, I narrowed my eyes, and pressed one finger to my lips. "I do have one critique I wish to offer."

"Oh?" She tugged at the slight sleeve of her surgery gown. "I'm listening."

"Good. Now, look here. While your writing is superb in many fine ways, I do ever so despise the exaggerated way you write Anti-Fairy accents."

Kalysta blinked, like she hadn't even expected this to be an issue. I stared up at her in disbelief, now crossing my arms. Her response? "I just write them the way they sound."

"Yes, well, take it from an actual anti-fairy, darling: Your overzealous use of apostrophes and misspellings to point out 'deviations' in our speech from your precious 'Fairy norm' is incredibly offensive, and I speak for many of my people when I say I wish you'd stop." It occurred to me then that if I were "out" to her regarding my past life as Ilisa, I could have played the Do it because I'm your several-times great-grandmother card.

"I didn't mean to offend anyone-"

"Which is why I point it out, so you can write more respectfully in the future. Oh- I'm terribly sorry, luv. I didn't mean to cut you off there. Yes, go on."

Kalysta reached behind her to grab a water flask hanging from the wall by its strap. She was scowling now. "No… Unfortunately, the accents are part of my established canon, and I can't just change them in future projects. My publisher expects a certain tone from me, and I try to make my stories real. It's just my writing style, y'all understand. No offense intended."

I stared at her some more, the fond respect I'd once held for her going up in smoke. What? I say, would she very much like it if I began spelling Fairy accents (and only Fairy accents) out in my head in such a ridiculous way? I mean, she was a will o' the wisp, and most of the Earthside wisps spoke with the same drawl that Mickey did. Exaggerating hers for once would be simple.

Bloody smoke, I don't know. Why does it seem as though Fairies insist on being… like that? Is respect for an entire population really that difficult of a thing to offer up? Come now, I don't claim to be the best at it, but surely I'm better than they? Am I exaggerating my intelligence out of proportion? Hmph.

Kalysta glanced up from her water flask. There wasn't anything else in the chamber to hold, apart from a blanket, and maybe she simply wished for a bit of tactile stimulation. "What's your story?" she asked. "You're an anti-fairy, but apparently you're working on a top secret project here in the Eros Nest with the finest cherubs in the universe."

I checked over my shoulder, but Drk. Ludell, Juandissimo, and Drk. Cupid were holding conversation now, by which I mean the cherubs were conversing while Juandissimo scribbled notes on a clipboard, and none of them seemed bothered that I had moved further down the corridor. "Yes, ah, I'm here as an intern, as I have an interest in preserving the genie race, as a matter of fact. That, and I've spent my whole life until now studying the nature of the honey-lock in search of any possible loopholes to end its control over my people once and for all."

"Really…" Kalysta gazed at me again, appearing genuinely interested in what I had said. She traced her thumb along the strap of the flask. Her eyelids flickered shut. "That sounds like a worthwhile adventure. If I were a hundred thousand years younger, maybe we could work alongside one another. I fell into writing because job opportunities are scarce for will o' the wisps otherwise, but I always did want to attend school in the cloudlands. I write romance. I think it would be interesting to observe reproduction the way you and the cherubs do, and draw the feelings and the stories out of it."

I raised my eyebrow, not entirely comfortable being lumped in with the cherubs, but I let it slide. "Perhaps. Who knows? I might write a book of my own someday."

… Oh. Ilisa Maddington's biography. The one I'd written in collaboration with the researcher Henry Bates. I wrote that. I blinked a few times. Oh. No wonder I'd considered it my comfort story, even as a child.

She nodded thoughtfully. "You're a curious drake, Julius. I feel as though we could have many inspiring conversations together. The honey-lock is certainly an interesting concept to play with. I don't normally write Anti-Fairy romance, but you give me an idea for a story…" She was quiet for a moment, then asked, "Would you be offended if I wrote about an anti-fairy whose field of research was Fairy reproduction, and he maintained a professional distance from the Fairies he studied for millennia on end before deciding he needed to know for himself what their love felt like?"

I looked at her. "Quite a bit, actually. Not only on my behalf, but also on behalf of the poor soul you believe would willingly throw herself at his or her captor's feet and call it love. Use me for inspiration if you care to, but at least strive to be accurate to both the biology and culture of my people. If you're writing Anti-Fairies, I advise you to do your research carefully. Consider the current zodiac year as well as the years of the lovers in question. Consider cultural expectations - on both sides - along with the physical improbability of such a couple coming away satisfied from that encounter when chances are that one or both of them wouldn't be fully pleasured. Believe me, I'm all for cross-Court love stories. My grandmother Anti-Miranda had a civil Fairy partner, you know. It's the lack of research and accurate portrayals that bother me, and frankly, my dear, given what I've seen of your works so far, I have my doubts that you're the damsel who can pull it off."

Kalysta wrinkled her nose in disappointment, but didn't protest. I paused, fingering the strap of Lohai's bag. Had I been too harsh? It's what I believed. I hate reading stories that write Anti-Fairies as creatures capable of mating face to face. I hate reading stories written by Fairies who act as though their system is infinitely more intimate, and that we Anti-Fairies are detached and undesirable for all the kisses we can't exchange at the same time. Is it too much to ask that my ability to love be presented factually and with respect? Presented as something normal, something that still carries with it that same intimacy and desire the Fairies credit themselves with? Believe me, our nights are no less passionate. A moment's research never killed anyone. There aren't many published Anti-Fairy authors out there (writers of erotic literature even less so), but reading how we portray ourselves would be a good start, I think.

Drk. Ludell called my name just then, so I bid Kalysta farewell and hurried to his side. He gestured to young Drk. Cupid. Fumbling, struggling with eye contact, Drk. Cupid took the clipboard from Juandissimo and flipped it to its second page.

"Okay, um. This is about the pixie gyne. While he's uncon- uncon-"

"Unconscious," Drk. Ludell supplied.

"-that, in the surgery room, we, um, we're going to prick him with the strongest oxytocin arrow we've got."

My brows shot up. "The blackout arrow, sir?"

"Yeah, that one." Drk. Cupid sighed in frustration, rustling through the papers. "Ooh, this would be sooo much easier if we actually had arrows with the power to make him really fall in love the way the media thinks we do, but we'll just have to do the best we can, okay? We want to study in situ sexual behaviour, and since you've done excellent with the ethograms even when the pixies move fast, we want you to, uh, take the notes for us on this too, if you're willing to work for a little while longer today. You have a perfect memory, after all."

Today? My jaw dropped open. "Excuse me? You're doing this immediately after pulling him from surgery?"

Drk. Cupid looked up, puzzled. "What does that have to do with anything?"

Flinging my arm sideways, I cried, "He isn't in a romantic mood! We'll be here all week!"

"Julius," Drk. Ludell scolded, and I ducked my head. "Forgive me, Eros Morning," I mumbled to Drk. Cupid. It was an effort to prevent my hands from turning into fists.

"But…" Drk. Cupid checked Juandissimo's clipboard again. "This says he's in heat."

I slapped my palm against my forehead and drew it down my nose. It jarred my monocle slightly out of place, so I corrected it while clearing my throat. "Drk. Ludell, if I may express my honest reply?"

Drk. Ludell raised a brow, and looked at Drk. Cupid. When Drk. Cupid didn't react, he nudged the child with his foot again. "Oh," Drk. Cupid stammered. He clutched the clipboard to his chest, backing a step away. His wings bumped against Juandissimo. "Um, yeah. Okay. Yeah. You can say something."

"I mean no offense, sir, but let me put it this way. Would you ever be in the mood to mate with someone in a sterile, scientific environment knowing full well your most private intimate behaviour is being monitored in every way?"

Drk. Cupid blinked. "Yeah, of course."

"Oh, right. Triplet of the Morning. You won't have a choice but to mate until you produce triplets of your own someday. Bad example. Hmm…" I tapped my claws, then tried a different approach. Bringing my hands together before my chest, I said, "Over my 400 years of studying this drake, I have concluded that pixies are a lekking species. They display for mates in groups. Mr.… Er, the pixie gyne isn't likely to be compliant if you don't give him anyone to compete against."

"Very good, Julius," Drk. Ludell praised, only sounding half sincere. "We've taken that into account, but it doesn't particularly matter. He's in season, after all, and we've kept him dry this long. He won't reject a damsel who comes onto him."

"… He isn't interested in people. He doesn't enjoy it."

"He had a wife once. She might disagree with you." Drawing his cocoa mug from the air, Drk. Ludell brought it to his lips. "Everyone's interested in someone."

I lifted two fingers. "Sir, may I express my honest reply?"

"You may."

"I am an Anti-Fairy." I touched my hand to my chest. "I believe in the idea of soulmates- that it's our fate to bond with the best possible match for our personalities in this lifetime, and Tarrow can nudge us in the right direction. However, not all bonds are romantic ones, and I believe that's important, too. Some Anti-Fairies choose to go their whole lives without mating with the partner they matched rings with at their betrothal ceremony, or with anyone else either apart from the command of the honey-lock, and, well… I can't pretend I would want that lifestyle for myself, but they seem to be happy, and I think that's important. Their bond still holds intimate value to them, even if they describe their love as non-sexual. These affectionate, non-sexual partners call themselves 'courgettes.' That life works for some people. Other Anti-Fairies, happiest on their own, reject betrothals and partnerships altogether. I've spoken to the pixie gyne's father personally. He told me himself, his son isn't interested in, ah, mating and things of that nature. Unusual for a Fairy, I know, but I just… thought I should mention that, sir. You can coax him all you want, but I don't think he'll express a romantic side of himself willingly, even if a damsel approaches him first, sir."

Drk. Ludell considered my comment, while Drk. Cupid stared up at him and Juandissimo floated quietly with his head bowed. "All right," he conceded at last. He combed his fingers through the short tufts in his hair. "We'll move on to Plan Beta, then. Cupid, find your brothers and then check in on that damsel you three are always losing track of. Julius, Juandissimo, follow me."

Drk. Cupid handed Juandissimo back his clipboard and sped off in a flurry of feathers. I fell in beside the fairy, eyeing Drk. Ludell cautiously. Drk. Ludell entered the surgery preparation room and began readying himself to scrub in. Splashing his hands in a basin of fresh water, he said, "Have you ever used a courtship ethogram sheet before, Julius?"

"No, sir, but I'm willing to learn."

"No; we're behind schedule already, and I don't have time to teach you now. I'll do it myself. Juandissimo, fetch the plume. We'll use her instead. Julius, pull the sperm they'll be using today from the cryo room. It's under 'Ivorie, Kalysta.' Right side, near the door. Bring it here so I can give it one last check before we inseminate the gyne, then report to the beta examination room- Dm. Venus can use your assistance there instead."

"Erm…" I lifted my two fingers again. "Dm. Venus as in… your sister, Eros Morning? That Dm. Venus?"

Drk. Ludell stared at me hard enough to melt my socks into string. "Yes, that Dm. Venus," he said. "Don't keep her waiting."

Oh my smoke. Dm. Venus Eros. My knees knocked together. Swallowing, I nodded, then flew back into the corridor. The cryo room was two doors down, behind the three triangle chambers that held Wisp-Kalysta and her counterparts. They watched me in silence, barely moving apart from Anti-Kalysta's fingers braiding her dirty hair. I shivered.

I'd visited the cryo room twice before, both times with Juandissimo when we were artificially inseminating dwarves. I twisted the star on my wand in the door's lock and opened it. Icy air blasted my face. My fur fluffed out. With a shiver, I wrapped my wings around myself and waddled in. As Ludell had promised, I was able to locate the Ivorie rack quickly, the half-dozen vials sparkling with frost. I had to stretch up on my toes, but I managed to grasp one marked with the abbreviation for yesterday's date, LA/88/YoGG6.

As I dropped back to my heels, I thought, Hmm. I wonder…

Slowly, I turned around to face the display case behind me- the one the Triplets kept near the front of the cryo room because they enjoyed showing it off on tours to fancy ambassadors from alien races. I knew its label by memory: WARNING. For universal distribution purposes and emergency species revival only. NOT FOR CASUAL USE.

I drew my lockpicks from my coat and pocketed the Ivorie vial in their place. The lock on the case wasn't particularly strong, as we were in the employee access hall behind a locked door to begin with, so I made quick work of it. The panel clicked open. Faint threads of cold leaked around the edges, twirling into spirals around my neck. I scanned the racks inside the display case, which was deeper than it was wider or tall, and it was fairly wide and tall. Sperm canisters were arranged on the left, eggs on the right. My nerves splintered at their ends. What if someone walked in on me like this? What if Anti-Kalysta heard me fumbling around and ratted me out? What if the Eros Triplets banned me from the Nest for life? What if?

There. Bottom two racks. Maddington, Ilisa - MS/72/YoFC13.

I stared at the row of perfect vials, my hand on the door of the case, my wings trembling. I gripped my bangs in my fist.

Maddington, Ilisa - MS/72/YoFC13.

"That's mine," I muttered, staring and staring. "That's my own sperm from another lifetime, half a million years ago. That, right there… you could create a child with something that fertile. A real, living, legitimate child technically borne of my own loins. I'm looking at halves of my future offspring right now. Eat your core out, fairy baby mandate."

Maddington, Ilisa - MS/72/YoFC13.

She's dead. She's dead, she's dead, she's dead. They don't have her counterparts' eggs or sperm on hand. If they used this, the honey-lock would sync to Ilisa's closest viable genetic match, the same way it does if an Anti-Fairy parent dies within three months of their hosting counterparts pairing up.

Maddington, Ilisa - MS/72/YoFC13.

I covered my mouth with one hand. Yes. Yes. I could complete the fertilisation process in the Blue Castle and raise the child as my own- I knew the basics.

No one was watching me. So I whisked one of Ilisa's sperm vials from the rack and slipped it into the opposite pocket from Kalysta's. My throat squeezed. Don't mix them up. Don't mix them up.

All I needed now were some fertile eggs, and I'd be a father as early as I wanted to be. I wasn't really sure when; perhaps I'd wait a mite longer. My eyes skimmed across the options in the case, all of them drawn from fae holotypes long ago. Lorian Weidenburker? Too old. Mallardi Fern? Even older. Well, I suppose they were probably young when their eggs were drawn, but you know what I mean. Ky Braddocki? Ilisa was his great-granddaughter, so that option was out. In fact, she was probably related to most of these people.

The last canister on the rack read, Haploid pixie eggs - LA/76/YoGG6.

I looked at the eggs for a long time, the cold vial of Ilisa's sperm chilling my hip through my coat. Briefly, I entertained the possibility of a half-wisp, half-pixie nymph sucking sleepily on their thumb in my arms. But of all Fairykind, pixies were probably my worst option of all. Their genetic code was unstable and unhealthy, and I couldn't afford to risk Ilisa's precious sperm on dead ends. My sperm. My children.

Fine. No pixie eggs, then. Tapping my fangs with one claw, easing the door mostly shut to keep the cold in, I scanned my options. As near as I could figure, the case only contained genetic samples of the most famous Fairykind in the known universe. Every holotype seemed to be accounted for. Dm. Venus had frozen plenty of her own sperm, too. I supposed she had a right to. The power to influence love as totally as the Eros Triplets did was passed through their bloodline, and maintained by purity. Should one of her children taint themselves with some unpardonable Fairy sin, she was honour-bound to kill them and sire new Triplets in their stead. Such was their fate, whether they were juveniles or long-grown adults.

If all the eggs kept under lock and key here in the display case did indeed belong to holotypes and famous figureheads, then most of them were my own ancestors. Ancestors on my Ilisa side, anyway; biologically she was considered a common fairy mutation, but one born of considerably crossbred blood. Hmm. All right, then. I wouldn't make use of holotype eggs. If I intended to make use of my precious frozen sperm, I'd have to find another donor.

I shut the door and glanced further into the cryo room, which stretched long and far. Other sperm vials lined the shelves. After a moment's hesitation, I crept along one of the rows. Ice bit my feet with every step, but I forced myself on. Shelves were labelled according to different races in the universe, and no drake eggs were present in the Fairykind section.

I set one hand to my hip and pushed the other through my hair. "Well, this is certainly a fruitless effort, isn't it, Lohai dear? Of course the Eroses wouldn't care for eggs drawn from regular, average drakes when they'll always be able to step outside and pluck one off the streets. They only store what comes from the most important, most unique Fairies in the universe. Chances are, they've paired everyone they can with bloody Ilisa, so there's no telling how many of Ilisa's descendants are running rampant through Fairy World now, dotties and non-dotties alike. Hmph." My fingers pinched and tugged a snag of my bangs. "I say, where precisely in here am I supposed to find a male Fairy notable enough to have his eggs preserved and yet guaranteed not to be descended from- oh my gods!"

Whipping around, I flew back to the display case and wrenched open the door. I tore through the first several rows of vials without hesitation, sweeping my eyes back and forth. When they locked onto a canister of eggs on the sixth shelf, they went wide.

Oh my gods. Yes. Yes, yes, yes!

Magnifico, Juandissimo - ES/13/YoCW4.

My lips parted. Of course. A fairy brought into existence with genie magic. That implied his father was sterile, but desperate enough for children to strike a deal with a devilish djinn anyway. A sterile drake wouldn't have been permitted to breed with Ilisa. I was almost positive there wasn't any wisp in his lineage- Juandissimo showed standard fairy wings, after all, without the elaborate spirals or rounded shape that typically went along with will o' the wisp ancestry.

He was perfect. So perfect. My fingers hovered over the egg canister, weighing pros and cons. I was sure Juandissimo wouldn't mind if I borrowed just a few. He had so many, after all…

No, I couldn't sneak away with the eggs now. Not if Dm. Venus was expecting me in the other room. They wouldn't stay frozen until I reached Anti-Fairy World again. I'd have to come back for them tomorrow. So I left the eggs in the case, and took only the two vials of sperm. The first went to Drk. Ludell. The second, I kept hidden on my person. He didn't seem to notice, nor did anyone else. Good.

I opened the door to the beta examination room and shut it softly behind me. The energy field spiked with the sound of sharp cart wheels speeding down a road. Three pixie counterparts sat on the metal table. The anti-pixie was in tears, covering his face. The primary sat stoically, arms crossed. The refract bounced her legs, fists clenched in her lap. To my left stood a corkboard, its surface tilted at an angle like a drawing table. A cherub with braided hair worked behind it. She sat in a fluffy chair much too pompous for an examination room, in my private opinion. Her fingers flew across a large keypad in her hand, which was connected to a bulky screen clamped to the corkboard's top. She continued working for a moment more while I fidgeted in the doorway. Then she raised her head.

"I assume Ludell sent you?"

"Yes, dame. I was asked if I could stay longer and assist you today."

"You're late."

"I'm… I'm sorry, dame."

Dm. Venus studied me, blue eyes prickling against my skin. I could only maintain eye contact for a few seconds before I ducked my head, tugging at a fold in my coat. I felt underdressed. The anti-pixie continued whimpering into his hands.

"Come around to this side of my desk."

When I did, I could see from her drawings that she wasn't much of an artist, but she was a pious note-taker. Circles, arrows, thumbtacks, bits of string, and criss-cross marks in multiple colours organized her work in the most chaotic manner I'd ever seen. The sight threatened to make me nauseous, but I held my stomach and my grown.

Dm. Venus turned to me, her face expressionless. She settled her elbows on the arms of her chair, and folded one leg over the other. "You're an anti-fairy. Your memory is perfect, and I've already done the hard work for you. Look at the DNA analyses for these three pixies and tell me what's wrong with this picture."

My core fizzed like a dying spark in my head. I shifted my attention to the assortment of parchments pinned to her corkboard, and bit my lip. "Um…"

The colours. There were so many noisy colours. The crying. The rustle of cloth. The energy field ringing around my head. The click of Dm. Venus' fingernails. I gripped my elbow, darting my eyes left and right across the corkboard. My ears went back. Circles? Circles probably indicated important notes… but what about that star? And was a green star more important than a blue one? What did those arrows mean? Everything had arrows, with unnecessary feathers drawn onto the rears of their shafts. Numbers crawled in every direction. Words stared back at me in a language I did not understand. I'm not even sure it was Snobbish, but my nerves were too taut to tell.

"I… I don't know, dame."

"Hmm," Dm. Venus said. Reaching past me, she lay her finger on a small block of information boxed in red. "Explain what all this means, in your own words."

I stared at the block, feeling the fur rise on the back of my neck. Warm shivers poured like a river down my spine. The words with the largest print read Damselization phenotype, with the words Drakulization? and Gynecomastia? and Androgenic? written above it. My saliva dried into frost.

"Erm. Well. Ah… I'm afraid I don't have an answer for you, Vinnie. My strength is in studying behaviour, not biology."

Her head jerked to the left. "What did you just call me?"

"What?"

Dm. Venus stared at me, horror thundering across her face. Her hands clenched around the ends of her puffy chair's arms. "You called me Vinnie. Who told you to say that? Only my grandfather has ever called me Vinnie."

"Oh," I said, covering my mouth with the web of skin between my forefinger and thumb. "So sorry, dame. Slip of the tongue. It- it won't happen again, I assure you. My sincere apologies."

With a huff, she gestured to the corkboard and all its messy notes. "Thus far, all the pixies we've studied have been genetically identical. However, while we were examining this particular refract, we realised the three Wilcoxes are not."

"Oh," I said. Dm. Venus nodded and waved her hand again.

"I sent for the counterparts immediately to confirm it. Across the board, their sex chromosomes are backwards. The primary and anti-pixie are biologically female. The refract is male."

I looked again at the three pixies on the examination table. Wilcox Prime had tilted back his (her?) head, gnashing her(?) teeth at the ceiling. Anti-Wilcox continued weeping, and Dame… Drake… the refract continued to fidget with… their robes. "Oh. Well. That's certainly… different."

"Pixies are identical." Dm. Venus slammed her hands against her thighs, then pressed her fingers to her temples. "This is the part that doesn't make sense. Their reproductive systems are correct. Wilcox and Anti-Wilcox have the drakian reproductive system, but damseline sex chromosomes. The refract mirrors them. Absolutely nothing else changed in their bodies. They're biologically female, but they became functional males during their early development. No documented alteration magic. It just happened naturally. There must be will o' the wisp in their genepool."

"Ah," I said, wrinkling my brow. If they were descended from Ilisa, I suppose it was for the best I hadn't pinched the pixie eggs from the cryo room.

Dm. Venus stared at the three pixies on the table, now resting her chin in her hand. "I'm conflicted on how to gender them," she muttered.

I eyed the table, then her. "Why don't we ask them?"

She glanced up at me, not removing her hand from her mouth. "Excuse me?"

"It's certainly a perplexing concept from our perspective, so why don't we allow them to decide how they wish to be addressed?"

"That isn't scientifically accurate."

"Why not?"

Dm. Venus considered me, then consulted her notes for a moment. I waited. And waited some more. In the end, she said, "Julius, take the refract back to the enclosure," and that was the end of that. You know, I never did find out what she decided to call them.

Mr. Whimsifinado's surgery was already over, although it would be some time before the narcotics worked their way from his system (Although privately, I think pixie blood itself might be a narcotic, and that's why every member of their species looks so tired and their pupils are practically non-existent). Juandissimo was waiting for me outside the door, so we brought Dame Wilcox through the halls together.

It's curious, you know. Each Fairy subspecies was housed on their own in the Faedivus corridor, because Fairies prefer close-knit family units, and most of them are territorial. Nearly every Anti-Fairy frolicked together in a single colony, as my people were a social species. The Refracted? They divided themselves into flocks according to sex, and lived according to a strict code of piety which insisted that damsels never sit in the presence of drakes, and which also prohibited the very thought of mating for pleasure. In my culture, the iris virus was perhaps our greatest status symbol. In theirs, coloured eyes were a sign of betrayal and shame. Multiple subspecies mingled together naturally in a single flock, but multiple sexes? No. When the three of us passed by, a dozen refract damsels rushed forward to see us. They pounded on the window glass and jabbed their talons down the corridor in the direction we were going. Dame Wilcox ignored them, staring directly forward, so I followed her example.

The pixie refracts had an enclosure all their own. I wasn't sure why. Perhaps plumes don't get along any better than their gyne counterparts do, or perhaps 'typical' refracts mocked the pixie ones for having brown feathers and purple hair. Who knows. Anyhow, Juandissimo unlocked the door with his wand when we arrived. I tipped my crown at Dame Wilcox in polite farewell. She ignored me, too. Just inside the enclosure, Mister's counterpart stood on a flat rock beside a pool of water, bullying her younger sisters with her snooty air. She broke off in irritation when Dame Wilcox arrived, and slunk saltily away among the tall yellow grass. Juandissimo shut the door, and locked it again. That was that.

"Well." I looked at him, and he looked at his feet. Tilting my head, I said, "I should be getting home for the evening."

"Sí, señor."

"Thank you. For… you know. Earlier, in the cabin."

"Sí."

I held out my hand, palm downturned. Juandissimo hesitated. He glanced up, questioning. Nod, encouraging. He began to reach forward… then stopped, and pulled back. I completed the gesture for him, pressing my palm against his. A smile cracked his quiet countenance, and he did look up and hold my gaze. I smiled and let him go. "I'll see you around, friend."

"See you," he repeated, his eyes crinkling with emotion. "Mi amigo."

"Times will change one day," I promised him, adjusting Lohai's bag against my shoulder. "Folk who are wishbirthed won't always be looked down upon. We've earned more rights for drones, we're striving for more rights for Anti-Fairies, and society will come through for luz mala like you someday. I may be but one Anti-Fairy, but I shall do everything in my power to ensure it."

"Gracias, amigo." Juandissimo lifted one hand to his neck and drew several crossing, swirling symbols with two fingers. When he finished, he placed one hand to his stomach and the other behind his back, and bowed. Then, with one final, shy smile at me - eye contact and everything, he flew back the way he had come. I watched him for a moment, my hands clasped behind my back. It seemed to me there was more of a bounce to his wings than usual. Nice chap. I looked forward to utilising his genetics in my experiments. I'd grab them tomorrow, perhaps. Tonight, I had to return to Anti-Fairy World and prepare a cold place to store Ilisa's sperm.

The quickest way outside from the Refracted hall involving passing through the Anti-Fairy tunnel. I swung through the place on rare occasion when I wished to visit with my own species during lunch or some such thing, but I hadn't been by in months. Anti-Wanda and Anti-Wendy were easy to spot with their swirls of blue hair, and it didn't take long to pick out Anti-Juandissimo, either. When I floated past, my hands tucked in my pockets, Anti-Wanda was sculpting a castle of black sand right beside his own, and I thought, Isn't that funny? He's a luz mala just like his counterpart, but we Anti-Fairies aren't so picky, are we? Luz mala. Gynes. Drones. Those with virgin pheromones versus those with mature ones. To us Anti-Fairies, they're all just 'Fairies.'

I paused. Did that line of thought really show progressive thinking on my part? Or did it invalidate the many intricacies of a culture I had no right to weigh in on?

That was funny too, I realised. I felt perfectly all right calling the Fairies 'all Fairies' - proud of myself for not drawing lines of class distinction, even - yet I would never wish for the Fairies to lump all Anti-Fairies in the same group as though our various subspecies and customs were identical. In fact, as I reached the end of the tunnel, I recalled that the anti-will o' the wisps lived separately in the next hall over, in an enclosure better suited for those with moth wings than bats.

Hm.

So lost in thought was I that I didn't even register the twinkling sound of nix refract in the energy field. When I came around the corner, I found myself suddenly nose to nose with a young, shyly smiling damsel - a child - with the standard white facial feathers and glimmering golden hair. Very short hair, bundled in thick, springy curls. Gold wings, too, heavy and silent as an owl's. She wore pink robes that reached her ankles, but her feet were bare. The sparks in the energy field definitely suggested 'nix refract,' and her tall, five-pointed crown confirmed it. Ooh- I tried hard not to feel jealous that a child's crown floated half a dozen times higher than mine ever would.

"Excuse me, sir," she said, folding her hands. "My mommy and I came down to the Deep Kingdom to see my cousins who live here at the Eros Nest, but I got myself all mixed up, and now I'm plumb lost, sir. Can you help me?"

"Oh?" I resisted the urge to crouch down to her level and wrap my hands over my knees, even though she was a rather adorable little thing. "Why, of course! No matter how busy one may be, one should always make time for those in need, you know what I mean? Where did you last see your mother?"

The nix refract shifted her weight between her wings. "I don't know. I need to get back to the High Kingdom Barrier. My name's Dame Artemis. Dame Artemis Cairo."

"Erm." I raised one eyebrow. "You're a Refract. Are you allowed to speak your name down here on the lower 12 Planes of Existence? I was under the impression that's against your culture."

Dame Artemis looked at me, then grabbed her curls with both hands. "I forgot! I always forget stuff like that! … Well, my guardians call me Dame Artemis, so I'm sure it's fine. Can you please get me back to the Kingdom Barrier, sir?"

The Kingdom Barrier? I scratched behind my ear. "Um. Oof. You see, I can't poof you any higher than Plane 12, where Hy-Brasil and Tír Ildáthach end and Avalon begins. We Deep Kingdomers aren't really permitted to travel up there… Technically, I'm not allowed to go until I'm 200,000. And poofing there from here will be terribly expensive, too. I'm not sure…"

The young dame wrung her hands, lowering her head. "I… I just thought I'd try, sir… But really, if you could maybe just get me as close as you can, that would do, sir. I… I think I can make it back on my own if you just point me the right way, and my mommy will probably find me as long as I'm close."

"Oh, all right," I relented. Maybe I could find some room for this in my budget, and buy that new desk with the eighteen drawers in it next decade. I let my arm drop. "I promised I could make time for a poor child, and so I shall. Come along, then- We'll have to step outside the Nest for this. Do you not have a wand?"

Dame Artemis shook her head, slipping her thumb inside her mouth. She reached her other hand up to me and grasped three of my claws. As we floated along, she said, "My mommy won't let me, sir. She says starpiece magic is a sin, and only core magic is pure and good."

"Hmph. There's no evidence of that. I say, there isn't a shred of evidence for that. Lack of regular magic usage will stunt your growth, you know; just ask a tomte. How old are you, anyway?"

"6,000 next century, sir."

Oh. I had… not been that tall as a 6,000-year-old. Probably. Tracking time inside a genie's lamp was difficult, after all. I shrugged. "Well, all right. Let's get you up there, then. Pip pip."

We hurried along, although frozen sweat drenched my fur. I hadn't even realised Anti-Fairies could sweat so much. Ilisa's sperm wouldn't stay frozen forever, and I had a long way yet to go before I reached the Castle. I could maybe try enchanting the vial to remain cold, but if the Eroses had decided against it, they must have had their reasons. I wasn't sure if touching the vial would count as magic-touching the sperm itself, but magic had unpredictable effects on mortal things at times. Food altered with magic lost all flavor and nutrition. For all I knew, a similar parallel was true in this case.

When we came upon the nearest emergency exit, I scanned my wand so the alarms wouldn't blare and let us out. Dame Artemis laughed, holding her hands towards the stars as though they were sunshine. "All right," I said, crouching beside her. I wrapped my arm around her waist and lifted my wand. "We're off to the High Kingdom now. Or as near as we can get, anyway. One ticket to the Hush World, coming up."

Foop!

My wand glittered blue. I'd half-expected it to sag with an unflattering noise, as it was prone to doing on random occasions, but it came through for me today. Dame Artemis and I dissolved into smoke and zipped into the sky. Her non-existent talons clenched my collar. Flashes of worlds shot across my vision - Plane 9, Plane 10, Plane 11 - before we crashed onto Plane 12 and reformed. I went sprawling on my chest and chin, the tails of my coat flopping so far forward, they slapped between my ears. My monocle flew off. Spitting out blue soil thick with crystals, I pushed myself onto my knees and dusted down my front.

"Oh, smashing. You know, I never can seem to get the hang of this nonsense. Anyway, here we are now, and that's the most important part about it."

"Whoa," Dame Artemis said, shielding her eyes. When I replaced my monocle, I examined my surroundings for the first time.

All the sky was purple, and every rock a cascade of blue. The black grass had become wild and overgrown, curling into knots and strangling the life out of thorns. Dame Artemis and I balanced on a precarious outcropping suspended high above a motionless pool. Silent waterfalls trickled into it from several points around the crater. A truly enormous beanstalk of a vine coiled into the clouds above. My eyes trailed upward. As a child, I'd always been taught that mountains hung upside-down on Plane 12. This seemed to be the case. Dame Artemis and I clung to one peak, and another bore down on us from above. I picked up a stone and flung it as high as I could. It didn't make it far before gravity reversed, and pulled the stone after it. It clattered when it fell.

"I've…" Her voice halted. Her grip tightened on my clothes. "I've never been to Plane 12 before."

I glanced around, holding her carefully to my side. "Neither have I, although I'm beginning to understand why next to no one lives here. It's nicknamed the Hush World for a good reason, I suppose." My eyes trailed towards a structure far in the distance that appeared to be a damaged castle, or rotted palace. It was separated from us by a vast empty drop that swirled with steam and disguised any solid ground. No leaves rustled in the barren trees. No animals prowled about. No birds raised their voices to fight the dark. My ears went back. "Something's wrong here. The energy field is torn in this dimension, more tattered than anywhere I've ever known before. Luck does not flow properly."

We sat for a quiet moment, clinging to one another and gazing at the distant ruins. She glanced at me sideways. "I thought you couldn't poof places you've never been before, sir."

"Sometimes you can. There are certain points in the energy field more stable than others, so one can sense them and lock onto their coordinates if one is well-tuned to the field. The two Divide Gates are good examples." I nodded to the enormous vine behind her. "I suppose that's your ticket home, then. Once you cross the Barrier, a Refract on the other side should be able to pop you wherever in the High Kingdom you need to go."

Dame Artemis flung her arms around my shoulders, crushing me with all her strength. "Thank you, thank you, sir!" she squealed, and kissed me on the cheek. Then, releasing me, she scrambled up the vine. At a certain point, gravity reversed on her, and she fumbled to keep going. I ensured she made it (politely averting my gaze from the underparts of her robes) before raising my wand again. Dame Artemis waved at me from above, then vanished into the underbelly of the High Kingdom. Rumour had it that Plane 13 was shockingly bright and sunny, and I hoped for her sake that was true. With a shake of my head, I was off to the Castle as quickly as I'd come.

I had school off the following day, so my shift at the Eros Nest began earlier than usual. When I scanned my wand at the front desk to clock in, three small cherub drakes, all clutching oversized bows and dressed in pink, poofed in front of me in sync. The tallest threw a finger in my direction.

"Hey!"

"Future Eros Triplets?" I guessed as the three children swarmed around me. I sheathed my wand and held my ground. "Ooh, let me see. I know this." I pointed at the front and centre drake. "Drk. Cupid, Eros Morning, of course." Then I pointed to the shorter one on the left. "Drk. Lucius, Eros Afternoon." The third was the tall one. "And Drk. Apuleius. Eros Evening. Did I get that right?"

Drk. Cupid clapped and nodded, but Drk. Apuleius eyeballed me with a scowl. "What do you know about Refracts?"

"In general?" I tilted my head. "The Refracted are the third genus in the Fae family. White, feathery bodies. Their natural hair colours range between gold, brown, rose, peach, and silver. Golden wings, mostly. Huge black talons, larger than Anti-Fairy claws, in addition to scaly hands and feet. They keep to themselves in the High Kingdom, and almost never stray down here to the secular planes of existence. Why do you ask?"

Drk. Lucius grabbed my hand, shoved his nose in it, and drew in a great big sniff. "Uh," I said, pulling back. "What are you doing?"

"You smell like juvenile nix refract," he reported. "I can sense the magic spread on you. It's fading, but you can't hide it from me. Where did she go? We were tracking her, but then we lost her until now."

"Oh." I fought to maintain a straight face. "A nix refract? Did she, um, get out of her enclosure…?"

Drk. Cupid nodded empathetically. "Yeah, she always gets out. She's reeeaaally sneaky. So, Dm. Venus always makes us go get her back. It's like training. So? Give us the deets about where she went!"

"Er…" So those guardians that Dame Artemis had mentioned must be cherubs. That explained why they had no qualms about calling her by her name, even though that went against Refracted culture. They had to call her something in their reports, after all. I shifted my feet, not sure what more to say.

Drk. Apuleius grabbed my hand. The triple scoops in his pink hair barely came up to my shoulder while floating. "We'll have to take you to Dm. Venus."

"Your mum?"

Drk. Lucius glared at me. "Dm. Venus."

I sighed and adjusted my monocle as the three young cherubs banded together to push me along the corridor. Hopefully she wouldn't hold my question regarding the genders of the Wilcox trio against me.

You know, this could turn out all right for me. Perhaps today was the day I worked up my courage to tell her about Lohai and my plans to raise even more genie children in the future.

I was brought through the Holotype Hall shortcut again, although I avoided looking directly at Ilisa's portrait this time. The door to Dm. Venus' office was pink, as was most of the decor inside: Walls, desk, carpet, bookshelves, and so on. Two squashed pillow-chairs (bags filled with beans, I think) sat in front of her desk like mushrooms. Dm. Venus herself was already seated in an enormous armchair, even grander than the one she'd used in the examination room. When Drk. Cupid opened the door, she tilted down her reading glasses and fixed him with a glowing stare.

"Cupid," she said. "Mommy's working."

"Um," Drk. Cupid said, shrinking away. His wings bushed behind him. His hands flew to his face. I watched this silently, making idle calculations in my head. The future Triplet of the Morning was a nervous mama's boy. Interesting.

Drk. Apuleius had no such hesitations. He put his arm in front of me, so his wrist bumped against the slit on my stomach. "Dm. Venus, we think this guy helped Dame Artemis escape."

"'This guy?'"

"This anti-fairy," Drk. Apuleius corrected himself, crossing his arms. "She got out, and we can smell her on his hands."

Dm. Venus stared at me, one hand near her cheek and her elbow braced against her desk. "Did you break a nix refract from her enclosure?"

Frozen prickles ran down my forehead and settled in my cheeks. My left ear flicked back. "No, dame." In my defence, that wasn't a lie. She was already out of her enclosure by the time our paths crossed.

"Hmm." Dm. Venus shifted her attention to her triplets again. Drk. Lucius fidgeted at my side, and Drk. Cupid had retreated into the corridor. Their mother dismissed them with a wave. "Go have your dinner. I'll speak with this anti-fairy a moment."

"Yes, Dm. Venus," the trio chorused, and flew off in a scramble of feathers.

"Sit," Dm. Venus said to me. The heavy door fell shut.

I looked at the bean bags, then at her. She had to be kidding. But when she indicated them with a lofty wave of her hand, I realised that she wasn't. Morosely, I sat in one of the sagging "seats" and ran my thumbs along my knees.

"So." The cherub steepled her fingers beneath her chin. "You're the young anti-fairy who's interested in breeding genies."

Oh. She knew about that? I regarded her with caution, tightening my hands around my legs. "Yes, dame. My name is Julius Anti-Lunifly."

"It's a pleasure to have you visit me," she said, skimming her eyes over the part of me that wasn't concealed behind her desk. "I'm glad to hear someone as young as you is taking an interest in my line of work. Breeding is my specialty. Now, tell me. What research concerning genies have you done that has led you here today?"

My mouth dried. Who had let on to her about my interest in genies? And how long had she known? I squirmed my wings. "Erm. Ah. I… I can tell the males and females apart from one another at a glance from adolescence onward. Healthy females develop thicker bodies. I, um… I know that when breeding, the females ought to be brought to the male rather than the other way around, seeing as they are territorial creatures by nature. This upsets them less."

"All of that is true," she acknowledged. A disinterested note began creeping into her voice. She removed her reading glasses, and set them aside with a click. "What else?"

"Let's see…" I took a moment to swallow and gather my thoughts. "Well. I know that orange is an exceedingly rare tail coloration. I know it takes time to prepare them for breeding. Err… For conception to occur, a doe must first be exposed to a month of cool temperatures to signal to their bodies that the season is changing. Seasons were, um, a thing on their native planet. Then when temperatures warm again, it…" I withdrew my wand and fiddled with the cap. My ears lowered. "It gets them in the mood, and then they breed. This is why breeding on their own is near impossible in places with cool year-round temperatures such as the cloudlands. They just can't."

"Correct. How can you tell they're ready to reproduce?"

"Bucks are fertile any time of the year so long as they breed in a warm environment. It's mainly the does you have to be concerned about. After they're exposed to a week of warm temperatures, a doe's tail glows brighter to signal she's receptive. Some people call it the 'ghost gene.'"

Dm. Venus nodded without emotion. "When and how will you know the pregnancy took?"

"Well, the mother might just tell you, first of all. If she lets you, you can palpate her stomach. And… even if she won't talk to you much about it, even in the early months of the pregnancy you can tell when the mother is expecting from the way she coils when she sleeps, always with her tail perfectly in the middle of her coil instead of wrapped around her." I scratched at my neck. "Th-the whole thing is a long and delicate process and leads to five years of pregnancy by our calendar. It's thought that genies developed such powerful magic to fend for themselves partly as a result of this slow reproductive rate."

Dm. Venus leaned back in her seat, keeping her fingertips below her chin. "So you have done your research. You're a very interesting child, Julius. But I have one thing to ask. I assume you're aware that genies give birth to whole litters of candles."

"Yes, dame."

"And you've found a genie you're interested in introducing to ours."

I hesitated. "Lohai is too young to breed at this time, but someday she will, I hope."

She pursed her lips. A loose strand of her braid curled around her ear. "If you intend to pursue a life of breeding genies, I want you to realize they're born in groups for good reason. Genies may be rule-free when it comes to granting wishes, but the universe chose to balance this by making them incredibly fragile. Fairy babies are born with blubbery exoskeletons that protect them until their connection with the magical energy field has fully stabilized. Genies are not blessed with a similar privilege. They're produced in litters because if they were born one at a time, the race would have gone extinct hundreds of millennia ago. The candles must always be kept warm and dry, and properly fed. They're frail and aren't likely to survive rough handling, head trauma, disease, or even high emotional stress. No exceptions."

"Yes, dame." I shifted in my squashed chair. "And I know I'm an anti-fairy. A late-litterborn too. I will not handle them without thick gloves to p-prevent them from coming into contact with my cold skin."

"I'm glad. But, even with the utmost care, the mortality rate for candles is extremely high." Dm. Venus locked her gaze on mine. "Especially when it's the dam's first litter, it's very possible that none of them will survive to lamphood. It can be quite frustrating for the caretaker. When the time comes, assuming you continue this pursuit, I would advise you not to get attached."

I nodded. "I understand, dame, but I have been researching genies for years. I've studied how to care for them, and I plan to devote all necessary time to ensuring their survival."

"All right. And if you have to make a choice, save the does. There are never enough female genies to go around, and the universe doesn't need half as many bucks as it does have."

I nodded again, a bit slower this time. Dm. Venus nodded back.

"Good. And you know the dam's milk will be deficient in iron?"

"Oh, yes. Genies, um, they're planet-dwellers, and normally the candles would gain the iron they need from the dirt they pick up while scrambling over and basking on warm rocks. However, vapour and cinders lack that necessary iron, as will a lamp if the mother did not prepare the space properly for raising her offspring. As I am raising the young indoors, I will be providing them with an iron supplement I designed and injecting it into their skin directly."

"Kill the white-tails if you ever get one," she said simply, stretching her arms. "I'm aware it sounds cruel, but it is necessary. Their digestive systems are as malformed as a black-egg's. They steal milk and don't grow, and always die within a few months. Removing them early is the best way to ensure survival of the others. The dam will push them out of the nest and into the cold when she has the strength, but you may as well make it easy on her. And privately, I would suggest you go ahead and kill the runts too. Approach the birth realising you will not be able to save her entire litter. Instead of attempting a foolish mission, devote all your resources into the most healthy few."

For the third time, I nodded, but didn't reply.

Dm. Venus stared at me, neither frowning nor smiling. "That's how genie breeding works. One day, you'll want to know this. Any last questions?"

"Erm… In your experience, when will their powers begin to show?"

Her nails tapped against her desk. "If removed from their dam at nine months and given a lamp of their own, the first sparks will be noticeable as early as a decade. Two or three if they're left in her lamp to split her supply. It would easily be a century or more out in the wild, depending on the environment. Anything else?"

I glanced down at Lohai's carpet bag. "No, dame, thank you. I think that about covers it."

"Very well. I trust you will be able to manage. If the dam loses her whole litter early, she may be rebred as early as six months after giving birth." Dm. Venus extended her hand. "May I examine your doe?"

I lifted the bag from my shoulder and slid it across her desk. The cherub snapped her fingers, and the fabric instantly turned transparent to reveal Lohai, in her tiny en lamp form, sleeping in the soil and coals at the bottom. The tip of her smoky tail twitched as though she sensed us watching her even in her dreams.

"A rose." Dm. Venus sounded satisfied with the colour. "Still young, but she looks to be a lovely specimen. We'll need to run some tests to confirm her health before we do anything, of course. I'm putting the finishing touches on a large project of mine at a moment, so it will take several weeks before I can look over the results. In the meantime, might I suggest you enjoy a private tour of the menagerie?"

… Did she even realise I'd been gathering research for her 'rather large project' for the last four hundred years? Or that I knew my way around a large part of the Eros Nest by instinct at this point? Instead of asking, I said, "I would enjoy that very much, dame. Thank you."

She watched me stand up. "I will personally send for you when the time comes to breed her. Until then, she'll be held for study and placed on the proper diet."

"Thank you," I repeated. I abandoned my bean bag and started for the door, but my hand refused to complete the simple movement of turning the knob. I pulled it back. Licking my lips, I turned around again. "Dm. Venus? May I ask you one last thing?"

"Just one last thing," she said, sliding Lohai's carpet bag to one side of her desk. She flapped out a very long scroll in its place. "I have work to do."

I closed my eyes, holding my fingertips against my mouth. "Did Ilisa Maddington… have a wheelchair?"

Two beats of silence.

"Yes," she said stiffly.

"It's not included in her Holotype Hall portrait."

"During her time here at the Nest, she never used it. The artist didn't think it was a necessary detail to add in."

My ears blazed. The cherubs had taken that chair away once. Why did they have to take it away again? I rubbed my arm, sliding my hand down to my wrist. "Do you, um, still have it lying around? And if so, could I perchance see it?"

Dm. Venus huffed through her nostrils. Her reading glasses returned to her nose. "Julius, I'm very busy. I don't have time to search this massive facility for chairs."

I held her gaze, clenching my fangs. My ears went flat. Both cheeks burned. My spine coiled into a spring. If steam began leaking from my ears, I wouldn't be surprised. "Ah, didn't Ilisa leave you something important just before she died? A book, I think?"

"I have work to do," Dm. Venus said, getting up to check something on a shelf behind her. "Leave me now."

"There was a book," I whimpered, my eyes filling with tears. "Please… It's important."

"Julius, go. You've already been dismissed."

"FOR TARROW'S SAKE, VINNIE, I'M HAVING AN IDENTITY CRISIS AND I NEED TO TALK TO YOU, SO SHUT THE [redacted] UP AND PARK YOUR PUFFY REAR END IN THAT FAT SEAT RIGHT NOW!"

Dm. Venus flashed around, her eyes screaming into mine. I fell back, clutching my chest. My other hand grabbed at my bangs.

"Oh my gods. Oh my gods! Did I really j-just scream at you like that? I- I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't know- I don't know what came over me. Oh my gods, oh my gods, I just did that. I just did that. I yelled at you. You're Eros Morning. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It- it won't ever happen again as long as I live, I swear."

"Is there something you want?" she spat.

"A diary," I choked out. My claws curled in deeper. I pinched my own skin. "I-it was blue. Light blue. It had a butterfly on the cover. In the lower right corner, above a white flower. Very simple. A-and there was a pink ribbon for marking your place. When you were still a child, I-Ilisa met you in the camp - the war camp outside the rear entrance to the tunnels - and asked y-you to hold onto it for a little while, until she sent someone to get it. The tunnels were too dark, and sh-she was going to fight, and couldn't write in it anymore. I- I- I need to take it back now. Please."

Dm. Venus affixed me with a peculiar look. Her shoulders didn't relax, per se, but some of their tension did ease. Her wings rustled. In slow motion, she rose from her desk and floated over to a filing cabinet against the opposite wall. I watched her pull out a thick stack of bound bark strips. She stared at the cover for quite some time. Then she turned towards me again, lifting it so I could see the front. "Is this the one?"

Unable to form words, I jerked my head once in a nod. She held her arm out as far as she could reach, not coming any closer.

"Here. Take it. Don't bring it back. Don't ever speak to me again. From now on, Charite and Ludell will relay between us instead."

"Okay," I whispered. I stepped forward and lifted the old diary from her hands. "Th-thank you. So much. I'm so terribly flustered. I leave you my most s-s-sincere apologies, I assure you. It won't ever happen again."

"Anti-Lunifly," she said before I could turn away. "Come here."

Oh no…

I didn't want to, I really didn't, but I lifted my blurry gaze to meet hers.

"Come here, Julius," she repeated, more firmly this time. She snapped her fingers and pointed at the floor.

My wings jerked to obey the command. I swallowed. When I reached her side, Dm. Venus wrapped her hand around the bottom of my chin. She tilted my head to one side, then the other, scrutinizing my face as though I were a sweet fruit she intended to eat. As she did, I searched her expression. My body began to shake. I pressed the diary to my chest and ran my tongue along my fangs. My toes curled.

"Do I scare you?" Dm. Venus asked in a low voice, the feathers on her wings prickling.

I wasn't sure how to answer that. I wanted to say 'No.' Or rather, the old me wanted to say 'No.' I said nothing.

"There are ways to kill an Anti-Fairy," she told me calmly. Her thumb slid down my throat until it rested on my windpipe. My core began to beat nervously inside my head, but although Dm. Venus brushed the sensitive nerve, she did not press against it. She watched me the entire time, pink eyebrows raised. "A pup dying inside its mother's brood pouch is certainly one method. Being swallowed by a full-grown glider snake with inrita in its stomach acid is one of my personal favourites. Siphoning an overdose of unfiltered magic from your counterpart's lines directly to your core is yet another, and it's very, very easy to make such drowning look like an accident when you are as powerful as I am."

My eyes darted to the side. Dm. Venus clenched my face, so I flicked them back.

"I know many secrets of the universe, Anti-Lunifly. I am Dame Venus Eros, Triplet of the Morning. At the stroke of midnight, every midnight of my life since I was fifty years old, I take on my sacred duty to scour the universe for signs of sexual passion. I fire my arrows in lovers' backs as I have been tasked to by Aengus himself. I knit your yoo-doo doll with my own hand. I watched when your parents conceived you among the milbark trees by the riverbank, slices of aitvaras meat roasting to crisps on a nearby fire. I was there. Of all the eggs inside your father's head, I selected yours to pass through his fallopian tube. I was there. I watched when your grandparents conceived their children. I was there. Not a single creature of this generation comes into being without my say-so. Have I made myself clear? I. Was. There. Those were my arrows which gave you life. My arrows! My arrows! I MADE YOU!"

Soft tears raked down my cheeks, sizzling with horror. I blinked up at her, and still said nothing. My mother always said they honey-locked in the afternoon- Dm. Charite was the Triplet on duty, I wanted to scream back. But I didn't. Dm. Venus tightened her fingers into my cheeks. Her nails broke through my fur to my facial scales. Her second hand slapped beside her first, cupping my cheek as she leered over my face. Her wings stretched above her, shedding greasy feathers like drops of rain.

"You would be smoke without me, little child. Stupid, wretched, wild smoke. Are we clear?"

No answer.

"Are we clear, Julius?"

"Y-yes, dame. As a crystal, I hope."

Her eyes raged with thunder. Lightning crackled in her blood. "I am Dame Venus Eros. I control the most powerful magic in the universe. I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it just as easily. I can bless your loins with eternal fertility. I can rip your ovaries apart with the faintest flutter of my eyelashes. Your nature spirits are nothing. Who is there when the gods make love? Who is there? Say my name!"

"D-D-D-" I tried to clamp my hand to my mouth to hold back my choked sobs, but Dm. Venus did not allow that. Her nails pinched my throat sharper than any claw.

"Say it!"

"V-Venus," I whimpered, the name forever soiled now. "V-V-Venus Eros."

Her eyes narrowed, glowing with icy flame. "Engrave it in your prayers. I'm above the gods. I alone am the deity you owe your life to. Don't you ever forget that. I suggest you do not test my patience again."

"No, d-dame. My s-s-s-sincere apologies, d-dame."

She squeezed my windpipe, digging her thumbnail through my fur and between a patch in my scales I hadn't realised was vulnerable. My ears exploded with bells and alarms. It was every shrieking brass musical instrument I'd ever heard and every one I'd yet to know. It was ice picks on chalkboards. Wand blasts above my head. Howling foops preying on my children. My ethereal contact with Cosmo's core snapped like fangs around my throat. Razor-sharp chunks of frozen magic plunged from my karmic weave and slammed into my skull. I didn't even know Unseelie Courters could break contact with their hosting counterparts like that. Could you still regenerate without access to breathing magic? I should have had plenty of it flowing through my body to sustain me, but for some reason, I gagged. Forgetting my place, I grabbed Dm. Venus' wrist and tried to shove her back. My claws raked her soft skin. My feet kicked off the ground. Instead of noticing, she leaned forward.

"Aha. No. That isn't good enough, Julius. Say it again."

"D-D-D-Dame, I c-can't br-breathe…"

"Say. It. Again."

My wings scrambled wildly behind me, fighting to break away from the shrieking sound killing me from the inside out. Couldn't breathe. Couldn't breathe. Averting my eyes, which spilled heavy teardrops on my shoe, I choked out, "I am b-b-beyond horrified by my own traitorous tongue, Dm. Venus. What I said was uns-s-speakably rude, and I most certainly overstepped my place. I shall pray to the spirits every day for as long as I live that you will be able to f-find it within your godly power to forgive a lowly anti-fairy such as I. I s-s-swear by my crown, it will never happen again."

Dm. Venus examined me a moment longer with a half-lidded, sneering stare that could have chilled even Mr. Whimsifinado to the bones. I spat pleas and whimpered promises I'd have slain spirits to keep. Then, a single finger at a time, she released me and withdrew her arm. I slammed to the floor, crumpling my wings beneath me. I gasped. I choked. Couldn't breathe. Couldn't breathe. Oh gods, oh gods, oh my gods. My link with Fairy-Cosmo was gone. Just… gone. I tasted dry air inside of me. No magic. None whatsoever.

It took me four minutes of my chest heaving before somehow, somewhere, the threads in my karmic weave managed to intertwine with Cosmo's consciousness again. I locked into his magic lines, and with him, my access to our shared magic pool. I inhaled again. Dm. Venus watched the whole time in silence. At last, my shaking steadied out. Hugging the diary to my chest, I risked a glance upward at the stiff cherub sneering down at me.

"Thank you, Julius," she said, as calmly as holiday well-wishes. "That will suffice. Now leave me. Never darken my mood with your presence again. I won't hear another word from you again for as long as you live, or I will kill you where you stand. Is that understood?"

"I'm s-s-sorry." I couldn't race out of there fast enough. Didn't even bid Lohai good-bye. It was several minutes before I stopped running. I slammed my back to a wall inside the damsels' restroom near the muntjac enclosure, far, far away from the fae corridors, and slid to the floor with a plop. It was fifteen more minutes before I'd calmed down enough to uncurl from my shaking ball.

… I missed Huey. Huey was a fine example of an Eros Triplet. He played with me, flirting like a gentleman and soothing my anxieties with filthy promises- assurances that I'd nearly served my time at the Nest and would soon fly free again. Almost made love to him once, sprawled across him in bare minimum clothing and plucking at the pink hairs on his muscular chest. Never went all the way, but we essentially could have. Oh, drat! I wasn't supposed to let that memory get through. Sorry. Sorry. It's so hard, it's so hard… I'm trying my best.

I opened the crumbling diary to its middle and blew off the dust. Choppy strings of words, divided into stanzas, rolled over for me belly-up. Numbers were scribbled beside a few of them. I stared blankly at the page. Were those song lyrics? Why would…?

No. Focus. Everything has a reason. I leaned over the diary (which fell into shadow as my head blocked the automatic bulb-lights) and realised for the first time that I was staring down at my own handwriting. Cursive slanted left, capital J's in place of I's. Stanzas, stanzas… poetry…

Wait a moment. Those weren't lyrics. Those were names. Drake names. The first several pages of Ilisa's diary were covered in drake names. And not ones randomly picked off the top of her head, I imagined. Some were underlined once, others twice, and it wasn't long before I realised I'd marked the drakes who had successfully borne my children. Butterfly-winged 'dottie' children, anyway. I thumbed through the pages in search of actual prose, my horror steadily growing when the list of names went on and on and on. Found a Julius and several Cosmos in there, their names written identically to the way I wrote my own: Big tail on the C, underlining the rest of it. Good smoke! Was there a single drake alive in that time period that Ilisa didn't have a round with? Were the drakes fertilised through artificial insemination included in this list, or was this just an account of everyone I'd ever…

Oh gods. No wonder I was so obsessed with raising children of my own today. Could I still call myself a virgin even knowing who I used to be?

The names did change to prose eventually, albeit rather poetic prose written in my hauntingly familiar fluffy cursive script. The little i's were dotted with hearts and everything. Sarcastically, if I knew myself well enough.

After several minutes of frantic searching, my patience evaporated. I flipped a dozen pages farther ahead, flushing furiously at everything my eyes skimmed over. For Rhoswen's sake, I didn't need the juicy details of my previous sexual escapades. I needed direct answers! Was I right about being Ilisa? Was I wrong? What? Had I even left myself an explanation in case my plans should work?

Page 204. I never asked for this. I've never had a husband. Only faces in the night.

Page 216. The Zodii believe in reincarnation. Oh, I ever so hope they're right. I need another chance. I want a life that wasn't stolen from me. Look out, universe, because your princess is coming back. I don't care how long it takes. I'll find a way. There simply must be someone, somewhere, whom no other spirit wants to inhabit. That will be my ticket back. No one ever turns down Ilisa Maddington. If it's the nature spirits themselves I have to [seduce], then so be it. I suppose I'd better brush up on my astrology, ahahaha.

Page 218. This is not a good plan by any means. I am not confident in my ability to woo a giant chicken goddess. Ah, well. Worth a try, hm?

Zodii investigation, worship, demons, acolytes, Temples, notes, architecture, Sunnie is a gorgeous hunk of muscle for a nerdy scholar, want to bear his children, flirting in the echo chamber, actually spending the night sleeping beside the man, Twis will absolutely kill her for this, Sunnie is totally into her, nature spirits aren't normally this easy but Ilisa really is that bloody fritzy so here we go, explicit, explicit, blah blah blah, allegedly had her mind addled in the process and went gumdrop insane, clearly not true considering that I'm reading a first-hand account of this, raising Skyleene as her apprentice ambassador, war, war, pranks during war, more war, extremely detailed secret Fairy battle tactics, abandoning secret Fairy battle tactics in favour of seducing her enemies on the field, this does not work because they're Anti-Fairies who have their pride, everyone thinks she's insane and mostly ignores her, Ilisa feigning she's gone off the deep end, double agent stuff, travelling across the cloudlands through the Soil Temple's tunnel system in the Year of the Fallen Mountain…

There. Halfway down Page 291. Crooked handwriting, with a smear of dirt across the page.

I would give anything to fly unrestrained again.

That was the final entry. I closed my eyes, and leaned my head back against the wall. Well. Well, well, well. I'd made it back around in the end somehow or other. I could vouch for that, even if no one else believed me. I knew it. Absolutely. I held my hand against my chest, envisioning the soft flutter of wispy wings along my back. When you know, you just know.

And then I began to laugh. Ohhh, to think of it! Once the most desirable will o' the wisp in the universe, and now a lowly little anti-fairy with horrid anxieties and nothing more to his name!

Their name? Her name?

… His name.