Frayed Knots

by FountainPenguin

"It's not my problem if you're embarrassed, Anti-Cosmo," H.P. said as I hugged my shoulders. He scratched his chin. "Hm. I suppose there's no help for it. If you honestly and truly want to wear a hat, then you'll have to secure a high position of power so no one ever dares to say anything about it that's negative in the least." (Written August 2016 - Ongoing)

25. Trails Mix

(Posted June 11, 2019)

Trails Mix

In which Anti-Cosmo experiences his first adult migration season in the Winter of the Crippled Tern

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Luna's Landing was the city in a crater, but Cedarcross was a mountainspire town. Across the final frosted canyon, a cluster of broken, snowy peaks loomed against the sky like snarling castle towers. Light leaked through the hundreds of windows speckling the rock walls like stardust; I could make out soft pulses of the music echoing around the cavern even from here.

I pricked my ears. Voices. Indistinct at this distance, but the accents were undeniably Hy-Brasilian. And all adults, for the first time I'd ever experienced at the end of a migration. My people. My home. After weeks of flying the trail with only Anti-Kanin for company, I craved the nectar of interaction. Song, dance, expertly prepared food, no Fairies poking hot wands in our business, shelter from the bitterest edges of cold… Gods, the food. I hadn't eaten a bite more substantial than foraged sprites for days. The thought of a full meal dusted my lips with roaring temptation. With a laugh, I dove into the canyon, but my drakefriend rushed after me and yanked on my hand.

Drakefriend… I'd never get used to calling him that.

"Pah. I think we were tailed, matey."

"What? Don't talk tosh now- everyone comes to Cedarcross at this time of year, Anti-Kanin. Of course we're being tailed."

"By an owl?"

I followed his pointing claw to a large golden-brown bird hunched in a scrawny black tree sticking from a gap in the side of the mountain. It must have flown incredibly fast to keep up with us for the hours we'd been flying uphill, but it showed no signs of exhaustion. It wasn't breathing, panting or otherwise. Aha, that confirmed it. Amateur shapeshifter. Couldn't even disguise that guilty look on its face. Too, the tree it perched in had no leaves at this time of year to hide the very tall, very shiny snow-white crown above its head.

"That crown style, Caden. A nix refract." Louder, "Dame Artemis? Good smoke, is that you?"

The owl shifted its feet, the tree creaking. Anti-Kanin cleared his throat and shot me a pointed look. Oh, yes… She was a Refract visiting the lower Planes of Existence. I wasn't supposed to speak her name. My apology.

"You're on the Anti-Fairy migration trail," I said instead, lifting my voice again above the wind. We'd reached a terribly high altitude by this point. Thin air scratched across my throat. "Nothing else of any interest exists here, which is precisely the point. No one gets that lost, my dear."

"You caught me red in the wings, sir," said the owl. She released the branch and skimmed to a new perch on a crooked nearby ledge. "But then, I've never been one for hide and seek."

Anti-Kanin's wand zeroed on her throat before she finished speaking. The end fizzed with sparks of blue. "How many are ye?"

"Oh, I believe she works alone. In her culture, she's considered a disgrace. Other Refracts don't associate with her."

"Who knows you're here?"

"As few as possible, I imagine. She'd hate to be dragged back to the Nest, which gives us an entire stack of karma-charged cards to play with."

Anti-Kanin let out a grunt. "Matey, stop answering for the prisoner."

"Aye, captain. My apologies, captain."

"I'll ask again. What are yer intentions with us tonight, feathers?"

The owl leaned to one side, its head twisting upside-down. She raised a talon my way. "Ooh, ask him, sir. I told him and I'm sure he tells it better. I've been listening to him jabber since we left Sootwater, after all."

"That long?" I squeaked. Resting in Sootwater Creek had been my idea.

Dame Artemis popped back into her regular form, shedding sparkling feathers. She had a milkshake in the curve of her clawed hand, her wand poised like a twig between two knuckles. "Since the Cracklewings joint at the border."

Her cup said 'Minty Fresh' but she reeked like a trunk of burned cleaning supplies, as always. Anti-Kanin tilted down his own wand. "Wench, if I had an itchy trigger finger, you'd've been shot through the windpipe by now."

(Poised like a twig? Why did I say that?)

"I'm 27,000 next millennium. Would you shoot a child, sir?"

Ignoring that, he asked, "What's that around your neck?"

The sun pendant. I winced. Dame Artemis pointed to the dark patches under her eye with her pinkie claw. "Trophy," she said. "I'm here for the antidote."

"Antidote?" I repeated.

She hopped down from the ledge and walked towards us, curls bouncing and boots crunching in the fresh snow. She was tall enough to come up to my nose, and I shifted back. Anti-Kanin steadied my shoulder with a hand. "Yes sir." She nodded to the stone spires behind us. "You were born and raised as experts on many more Zodii beliefs than I've even heard of, sirs, so I assume you both know what this place is."

"What?" Anti-Kanin mumbled, his wand arm dropping. Strike her or don't- that was the question spinning circles in his mind. And he was at a loss. A flush flared in my face. This- this impotent little Refract child had injured his pride. I brushed his hand away and moved towards Dame Artemis. Fear flashed across her eyes. Only for an instant, but I saw it. Her wings prickled up, feathers splayed and ready for take-off at a moment's notice.

"Yes, we know it. An old Zodii Temple to Salalalyn, the demigod of Sleep, youngest daughter of the Cycling Hen and the Reaping Crow. She blessed the location and granted it to the Anti-Fairy population back in the days we were subject to seasonal torpor. We're honouring her by travelling here, not disgracing her in any way."

"How did you know that?" Anti-Kanin muttered.

"Sally."

"Come again?"

Dame Artemis looked at me, then Anti-Kanin, then me, and took a tiny step away. "She prefers the name Sally, sir."

"Really?" I drawled. "Have you met?"

She gripped her necklace chain just above the sun pendant and said nothing. I sighed and gestured to the snowy peaks.

"Come along, then. You've journeyed this far and the honourable thing to do is let you in. Our Zodii code demands it. All may worship at any temple they choose, no matter what their species."

Anti-Kanin fixed her with a warning stare. Leaning in, he growled, "Don't wring with us, glitter-rump."

"No wringing, sir. I just want to go in."

I knew he and I were thinking the same thought: Don't take your eyes off that dame until we find Anti-Elina. She'd organized the migration this winter. She could tell us what to do.

"Sleep temple, hm?" I asked, falling into step beside Dame Artemis. Since she was walking, I did too, even though the frost scorched my feet like thorns. Anti-Kanin took up position on her other side. She glanced between both of us again.

"Yes, sir."

"You act as though you know a great deal about this temple for someone who used magic to journey here. That wouldn't make your trip a traditional pilgrimage. I wonder about that."

"School project, sir?"

I clenched my teeth. "Nice try."

Four guards with drawn wands stood at the entrance to Cedarcross Point, though I knew, too, that one of the camarilla members was surely watching their backs from a tower window just the way they did back home. Er, at the Blue Castle. To my shock, one of the guard's fur bore uncanny resemblance to a patch of fresh moss. I hadn't recognized him from afar while he wore white instead of yellow. He faced an emerald glimmer that lit the sky behind the shortest peaks, but when we came close, he picked up our sound in the energy field and his ears flicked back. He spun around to face us.

"Anti-Cosmo!"

"Er," I said. I couldn't decide whether I was more or less uncomfortable that he remembered my adult name instead of calling me my private one. I'd only turned 150,000 a few months ago, after all. Had he been tracking the important dates in my life all this time?

Anti-Fergus came forward, hand raised as though he intended to ruffle the thin scruff on my head. "I knew your father, remember? Anti-Robin?"

I tightened my grip on Anti-Kanin's arm. Anti-Kanin placed a head on my shoulder and said, "Matey, the last time they saw ya, you slammed them to a wall and stole both their wands."

"Is that a Refract?" asked one of the other guards, but Anti-Fergus waved them off with a flap of his arm.

"Keep your wands low. That's my niece!"

I turned to Anti-Kanin, hands on my hips. "Did you hear that? She's his niece. Of course she's his niece."

"Took her in when things got rough with her family," Anti-Fergus explained, holding his hand out towards her instead (I hadn't gotten my head pat). "I know it ain't much, but I want to make my little home a sanctuary for the weirdos who get themselves lost. I was adopted myself, you know." He laughed, turning to the uneasy guards again. "Getting caught by them feather-tushes at the Nest was the best thing that ever happened to me. Because now, I don't have to be afraid of 'em anymore."

I stared hard at Dame Artemis, who shrugged in reply as though saying, Things are going my way, so I'm not complaining. Anti-Kanin cleared his throat. "She says she's here to worship, not migrate. I'm sure she won't be a bother. Anti-Cosmo and I can supervise her 'til Anti-Elina can get a look at her."

The three guards stepped back to discuss the situation together. I politely folded back my ears. To Anti-Fergus, I said, "It's delightful to see you again, old chap. If I may inquire, why were you staring so intently at the Barrier beyond those peaks a moment ago?"

Anti-Fergus glanced over his shoulder at the green glimmer again. I watched as his brow furrowed like a field. "Because… he is. His family paid the coin for it, mine the magic. Only drake in 24 planes who hates it more than I do."

"Ah, yes, of course… You can sense all that, sir?"

This time, Anti-Fergus did reach past Dame Artemis and scruff the hair on my head. "When you finish growing up, the lines connecting your core to your counterparts' through the energy field'll open like floodgates. You'll find out you can sense a lot of things then, heh heh."

I swallowed a bitter lump in my throat. His words only reminded me of the adulthood talk Anti-Buster had given my litter back at the Castle, which only reminded me that Mona had come into her adult wings already, which hurt because I still had potentially tens of thousands of years left before I joined her. Fortunately, I was saved from answering by the other guards waving us through the double doors. Anti-Kanin floated straight in, but I paused to admire the elaborate carvings for a moment. Dame Artemis halted beside me, playing with her sun pendant.

"Are you well?" I asked.

"Truthfully I'm not very fond of Zodii temples, sir. I'm just here to see if she'll speak to me."

"Perhaps, darling, perhaps. Who knows? Salalalyn might even give you a moon necklace to go with that sun you have there, wot?"

Dame Artemis turned the pendant over in her hands and nodded once. We floated through the doors together and into a high-ceilinged entry hall at least four times wide as it was across. The walls were painted gentle brown and interspersed with columns, the floor tiles reflective black except for the strip of white near the door. Directly ahead of us stood a massive and beautiful stone statue of a sheep on its hind hooves, forelegs upturned and raised above it. Twin staircases, one on either side, curved up to a single doorway just behind the sheep's head. I thought the place as peaceful as could be, but Dame Artemis's wingbeats staggered. She dropped back to her feet, only to stumble two steps forward. I caught her arm.

"Are you all right, my dear?"

She massaged the back of her neck. "Yeah… I'm dandy. I'm dandy."

Anti-Kanin and I helped Dame Artemis back to her wings and steered her over to a blue-haired damsel standing in front of Salalalyn's statue. She wore a fine black outfit with many golden snaps and buttons down the front. A square black hat floated above her head in place of a crown. When the damsel saw us, she extended a gloved hand and said in Vatajasa, "May I take your coats and shoes, dear drakes and dame? … And your, ah, drink cup."

Dame Artemis slurped at her straw. "I'm keeping this."

"Anti-Wendy?" I broke into a grin and flipped into speaking Vatajasa myself. "What a lovely surprise! It's me, Anti-Cosmo. The drake who visited the other side of your enclosure all those times? What brings you here tonight? I didn't think Anti-Fairies were allowed out of the Nest, even for migration season. Good smoke, look at you! I've never seen you smile before."

"Yes sir." The smile just couldn't seem to dance away from her lips. When Anti-Kanin, Dame Artemis, and I gave her our shoes, she said, "Dm. Venus brought us here because our dance troop is performing for several nights this month. My sister has the lead role, of course, but I won't be joining them. That life wasn't for me. Nowadays I work here organizing the closets and not saying much to anyone. Except to the drakes I like, of course." She winked at me. I clasped my hands.

"That's wonderful, Anti-Wendy. I'm so happy for you."

"Would you like me to take that bag to your room, sir?"

It took me a moment to realize she meant Lohai, who had become such a constant presence on my arm I hardly noticed her anymore. I hesitated. "We uh, haven't gotten our assignment yet."

"Check in with First General Anti-Buster just up the staircase, sir. Once you've registered, everything we servants put in your delivery bin will automatically be poofed to your room's storage comb every hour on the hour."

"I loathe walking on marble," Dame Artemis muttered beside me. "My place is carpeted for exactly this reason."

"Comb?" I asked.

"It's, ah…" Anti-Wendy made a triangle with her fingers. "Honeycomb, sir. In your roosting room, you'll find that one of the walls is covered with shelves like the comb of a hive."

"Oh, I see. The ledge nook system."

"Right," she mumbled, glancing away. "You wouldn't use insect terminology in Anti-Fairy World… stupid."

"Thank you for your service, Anti-Wendy. Being a servant takes so much patience, honour, hard work, and dedication that often goes unnoticed by the crowd, but I hope you realize how dearly you're appreciated. If you see your sister before I do, be sure to tell her Anti-Cosmo said hello. Ooh, drat. Don't tell her that. She'll question my intentions and I shall never have peace of mind- for smoke's sake, who sends someone to tell their sister nothing more than a simple greeting? She'll think I'm a disaster. Don't say that."

"It's all right," Anti-Wendy assured me. "I'll be sure to let her know you're here." As she turned away, she blew me a kiss. Anti-Kanin poked me in the ribs with his elbow.

"Heh. I may not have understood a word that popped from her mouth, but I'm not blind. Looks like you have a damsel to woo this winter, matey."

"Anti-Wendy?" My cheeks fizzled up. "No, no, it isn't like that, really."

"Just saying, I wouldn't mind."

I smacked his chest with the back of my hand. "I have you. You're enough trouble as it is."

We flew up the stairs and found Anti-Buster and the Seat of Sky on Anti-Bryndin's camarilla, Anti-Praxis, waiting for us at the registration table just outside the ballroom. To be more specific, Anti-Praxis was waiting at the table. Anti-Buster paced back and forth near a mural of Salalalyn and her three brothers, combing his claws through his hair.

"Ben'argenta, Uncle," Anti-Kanin called. Anti-Buster turned, ears flattened.

"Anti-Kanin… Anti-Cosmo. It's good to see you both made it. Did either of you notice anything… unusual about that damsel downstairs?" When Anti-Kanin and I exchanged glances and told him we hadn't, his frown deepened. "There's something odd. Something almost familiar…"

He returned to his pacing. "Ben'argenta, Anti-Praxis," Anti-Kanin greeted. "Anti-Cosmo and I are reporting for winter. And this dame's here to worship at the temple tonight."

"And eat dinner too?" Dame Artemis asked hopefully.

Anti-Praxis started to speak, but broke into sharp, scratching coughs instead. "Are you feeling all right?" I asked. He shook his head, still coughing.

"He isn't contagious," Anti-Buster said, and when he regained his voice, Anti-Praxis added, "I've had sore bones for years. It would seem my throat is going too. Here. You two are in Roosting Room 9." He bestowed us each with a small pin shaped like a sheep. Dame Artemis got an honorary golden one. She leaned away.

"Uh… I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but do you have anything in silver? Gold isn't my colour."

"You're gold already," I teased.

"It doesn't go with anything I wear!"

Anti-Praxis broke into another fit of coughing. Dame Artemis slunk behind me, clinging to my arm. "I'm sorry, dame," he choked out, "but at this time of year the upper levels of Cedarcross Point are reserved for those here on migration."

Anti-Kanin unclipped the pin. Dame Artemis slid to my other side. "I'll be in and out, I swear. I'll keep my mouth closed and I won't bother anyone. You won't even know I'm here."

"As an outside party, you'll need to wear one of our golden pins. Orders of the acolytes."

"Gold's heavy. It throws off my flight pattern."

I shot a pleading look at Anti-Kanin for him to leave me out of this. Fortunately, he was big and strong enough that he didn't need me to hold her in place. He grabbed her arm and pulled her close. Dame Artemis gave up, though she scrunched her eyes and fists in anxious anticipation. Anti-Kanin stuck the pin through a fold in her robes. She blinked and looked up at him. Then down. One talon clicked against the metal sheep.

"Oh. It's only painted. I can do that."

I turned away so she wouldn't see me roll my eyes. Anti-Kanin gave her an approving slap between the wings. "C'mon, mateys. I think we're just in time to catch the next tour."

"Tour of what?" Dame Artemis asked. I put on my most sickly sweet smile and linked my arm with hers.

"The moon gallery, of course!"

She looked at me like she had half a mind to hex me.

The three of us joined a tour group filtering into the nearest side corridor. The floor had been designed purposely uneven, craters gaping at every step. Punctured dots lined the walls, lit by a glowing panel on the other side. Our guide shared tales of the past, present, and expected future. When the corridor widened, we found ourselves surrounded by more display cases, dioramas, statuettes, and posters than a Spellementary science fair. I grabbed Anti-Kanin's elbow.

"Look over there. A scale model of Luna's Landing!"

Dame Artemis snorted. "I have a bigger one back home."

I drifted around the room, reading every label card twice over. Dame Artemis followed me, unimpressed. No matter what I showed her, some relative had shown her first. Any fact I read she already knew from memory. What the gallery had one of, she had two. I really expected to interest her with the moon rocks. They sat piled high in a shining barrel, and I ran my fingers over all of them.

"Aren't they simply fascinating, my dear? I've never been to a planet's moon before! In fact, I've never been to Plane 2… Frankly, I'm a bit intimidated of the alien landscape down there."

"It's nothing special," Dame Artemis muttered. She plucked up a pebble and rolled it between her palms. "Shouldn't this stuff be in Princess Eve's temple anyway? She's the moon spirit. When did Sally get involved?"

Anti-Kanin sighed and took the pebble away. "It's symbolic, lass. Our capital city's founded on the tale of Helena's folly; we named it Luna's Landing for a reason. Earth's moon is more than Earth's moon. It's our moon… Respect that, please?"

She sucked her straw again and pointed at the mural on the nearest wall. "Who's that fritzy thing with the black wingtips? Artist's depiction of Helena lurking through the shadows in shame?"

"I imagine it is. And look." I ran a claw across the mural's base. "Here come the foops hot on her tail, howling her name evermore."

"They painted her feet too big," Dame Artemis decided. "All right, pals. This body of mine is starving. When's food?"

We finished the gallery walk and made our way into the dining hall. The second level of the dining hall, specifically- there appeared to be three. The entire room was lit by floating, colourful orbs that bobbed overhead in a string of beads. The ceiling arched high, high overhead like a breaching sea serpent. Low tables shaped like open roses sprouted a mere few wingbeats apart, each one encircled by an even eight cushions. A good hundred and fifty people were already seated and sharing stories. My eyesight wasn't the greatest (particularly on that side), but it seemed to me that some sort of semicircle stage took up the left-hand wall. Two figures dressed in pink stood near the curtain with a black-haired fellow, though I couldn't make them out from here. Were they looking up? I leaned over the rail and craned my neck. Criss-crossing metal bars had been driven into the cavern's ceiling, obviously intended for roosting. I couldn't understand why until the two dozen anti-fairies hanging there snapped their arms and wings up in unison and began to twirl. A band played the music from a nearby nook in the wall.

"Ceiling dancers," I breathed. "This is a classy party." I… felt underdressed.

Anti-Kanin chuckled and patted my shoulder. "Yep. I said the same my first time seeing it."

I turned to gauge Dame Artemis's reaction, but she had eyes only for the ground. She crouched beside an artificial flower garden and traced her fingers across the petals of a pansy. "They're beautiful…"

"Do you have many flowers in the High Kingdom?" I asked. Perhaps Anti-Fairy migration culture didn't interest her, but maybe we could bond over her homeland. "Or do your people consider growing flowers to be a waste because they absorb nutrients that could feed more beneficial crops?"

"I love yellow flowers…" Before I could stop her, she snapped the pansy's stem and tucked it all behind her ear. I scowled. She snorted, combing talons through her curls. "What? No one will miss just one."

They'd notice something amiss if I keep picking them and lead a false trail back to you, I thought, but didn't say so. Instead I said, "For the record, that colour doesn't go with anything you own."

"Suck a lemon, pal. It'll make you sweeter."

An escort arrived then to lead us to our table on the lower floor. I bit my tongue the whole way there, trying to remind myself that it would be undignified to lash out at a child.

"She's a guest who won't be here longer than an hour or two," Anti-Kanin told the drake who flew up to recite the dinner specials. He bobbed his head, filled our wineglasses, and placed an ishredsi dish on the table. I watched Dame Artemis for a moment, though she was picking at the feathers sprouting from her wrist. Finally, I gave up on my naive hope that she'd realize she was the youngest at our table and therefore the intended server of the appetizer. I took the ishredsi myself and scooped us each a small portion. The bowl went back on its tray, but to my horror, Dame Artemis picked it up and served herself even more. My claws tightened on the table's edge. I may have screamed inside my mouth.

"We appreciate your company and are happy to have you, dame," Anti-Kanin said, giving a meaningful ear flick my way. So that's how it would be the whole rest of the meal, then? Fine. I huffed internally and shifted my attention to the ceiling dancers. Foam-white clothing with silver trim appeared to be the style this evening. Suits and skirts flashed with rainbows as they twirled between glowing orbs and leapt from bar to bar. The two sunset-haired dancers had been positioned at opposite ends of the circle like swishing candles…

"… Anti-Kanin? I don't see any blue-haired damsels up there."

"Suppose not," he said, searching himself. I waited a few more minutes, twiddling my thumbs, but no other dancers rushed in from the sidelines. The entire team appeared to be present here and now.

"Look. Anti-Wanda isn't here."

"Who?"

"A friend of mine I often visited at the Eros Nest. Anti-Wendy's twin, in fact. She told us her sister would be dancing tonight, remember? No, you don't speak Vatajasa. It doesn't matter. Something's wrong. I can feel it."

Dame Artemis, still chewing, followed my gaze. She took another bite and said, "Count the petal dancers, bub. They're uneven."

"Oh gods, she's right. Why didn't I notice that?" I looked again at Anti-Kanin, my mouth running dry. "One of them is missing. Look. There's a drake up there in the loop who doesn't have a partner, but he's feigning like he does."

"You're making yourself anxious, matey. The lass must've had to take a sick day. Just stay calm and enjoy the show, aye?"

"But-"

Anti-Kanin placed a firm hand in my lap. "Anti-Cosmo. Let it go. If they ain't lined up evenly, let's not point it out to them. We're here to eat good food and enjoy the atmosphere. Not criticize the entertainment. Aye?"

I gazed up at the dancers, watching them twirl and jump and flap their wings. As much as I would have liked to, I didn't buy Anti-Kanin's argument. If Anti-Wanda had taken a sick day, Anti-Wendy wouldn't have assured us she had the lead role when we saw her at the door. My eyes slid down to the pink figures standing onstage. Hmm…

"Yes, yes, I'm certain we shouldn't worry… Look here, Anti-Kanin. I'm going to do a lap around to clear my head. I'll only be a second. Don't worry about me- I'll come right back."

"Aye, matey."

Dame Artemis stood up at the same time I did. "You're both very gracious for letting someone like me join your meal, but I think it's for the best if I take my leave now. If you need me, I'll be worshiping at the other end of the temple." She grabbed her milkshake cup and flitted off. I slipped away in the other direction, padding towards the stage on the tips of my toes. As I came closer, the two pink figures by the curtain became more distinct. One was Dm. Venus, making marks across a clipboard. A smaller, fluffy-haired figure in a suit coat but no trousers floated a respectful distance away from her, his hands clasped behind him. Thank gods she brought the dumb one. And his nervous nanny too.

"Drk. Cupid," I whisper-called, keeping all but my eyes below the stage's lip. Too quiet. Right. His detection threshold was higher than mine. I raised my voice. "Drk. Cupid!"

This time he heard me. He rotated one eye in my direction. I beckoned him to come, but he didn't move. He pointed with two fingers, however, and Juandissimo slipped behind the stage curtain. I waited for a moment, puzzled, until a door beside me swung open and Juandissimo ducked into the dining hall.

"Have you found a problem, señor?"

"Um…" I gestured towards the ceiling with a rolling hand. "There's a drake up there. He seems to be, ah… missing his partner."

"Is he, señor?" His voice cracked there at the end.

"Come now, chap. You and I both know the dame who's absent. Soft blue hair, oversized flat fangs that sit crooked in her jaw, a laugh that could charm a glacier into melting, a little mole on her leftmost knuckle. Where is she?"

Juandissimo fidgeted with his wrist. "Lo siento, señor. I don't-"

"Anti-Wanda," I snapped, my patience snapping wire-thin. "Your counterpart's damsel- you know who I mean!"

"Silencio! She will hear you." Juandissimo dropped his voice to a whisper again. "I- I apologize, señor. The dame you seek is changing clothing now and not to be disturbed."

I stared at the sheep-shaped pin sticking out of his shirt collar. The number 4 was painted on its side. Dm. Venus would have reserved a room for herself, her children, and the triplets' caretaker before she reserved anything for her musical entourage. That meant the anti-fairies from the Nest were most likely sharing roosting room 5. I took off into the corridor before Juandissimo could speak another word.

Room 5, Room 5, Room 5… I flew past door after door, watching the numbers tick lower and lower. When I found the proper door, I fully expected it to be locked. It wasn't. It swung in to reveal a windowless chamber with dim torches, a roosting array modelled after an elm tree, and the back of an undressed anti-fairy damsel who flaunted long curls of blue hair and a short black tail no thicker than a bone. She whipped around. I froze, hand still on the door. Good smoke. She really was dressing.

"Tap tap," I said weakly, clicking a claw against the stone archway. "Um… You know, your hair looks simply radiant when it's down like that, darling. It frames your face rather nicely."

Anti-Wanda held her tail steady behind her, hands cupped around it for additional cover. She didn't speak for a moment and only looked at me, panting slightly in either annoyance or confusion (I'm certain it was the latter).

"Don't really like simple," she said at last. I noticed then that the beauty paint around her eyes had been running. Dark stripes marred her cheeks and the back of one hand. I tipped my head.

"You know, my dear, that's actually rather fascinating. I barged in unannounced and without any hesitation whatsoever, you hid your tail, not your stomach pouch the way a Fairy would… Clearly no matter where you were raised, there is Anti-Fairy blood in your core, wot?"

Anti-Wanda scratched her, ah… bun with her claws. "Shameless drake. Whatcha want? This ain't your roost."

"Shameless? Oh, um. Right." I averted my gaze to the floor. "My apologies, darling. I've seen you undressed in your enclosure so many times that I must confess I didn't think you modest."

"Ain't really. Just noticing you're not really a gentledrake. Guess our brains was both wrong on this one."

"Your delicate wit stings as sharp as ever," I responded dryly. The fur prickled down the back of my neck. I clasped my hands. "As a matter of fact, I am a very honourable gentledrake, which is why I came looking for you, actually. Your sister told me you had lead role in the performance tonight, and when I couldn't find you up there, well, I became terribly frazzled. I thought perhaps you'd hurt yourself."

Anti-Wanda hesitated. "I'm sick."

My eyes narrowed. "Who ordered you to say so?"

"Dm. Venus. Aw, shoot. Probably shouldn't have told you nothing about that."

"I'd predicted as much. She's a tyrant, that dame."

Anti-Wanda shrugged and picked her discarded suit off the chair beside her. "Guess she thought I'd fly off now that I ain't trapped in the Nest. She saw me talking to my sister up front, too close to them front doors. That's why she locked me up back here in the roosting room."

"… This door wasn't locked."

Silence.

"As a matter of fact, roosting room doors never have locks. It's a hazard. It came right open. Did you even try it?"

She wiped her cheek again. "Aw, shoot. Don't matter. She knows I'm too dumb to get out by myself." Anti-Wanda looked my way, her lower lip trembling. "You remember my boyfriend?"

"Anti-Juandissimo? Of course. What-?"

"He got away," she blurted. "We did our dance up here in Cedarcross couple years back. He done flew away. He's free now and… and… the boss said… she said I was a ha… that I wasn't even… A-and he didn't never come back for me…"

The energy field glittered with the sound of raindrops plinking on river stones, but only at its surface. If you listened long enough, you'd hear the seething winds and crackling embers beneath. "Have a seat, darling," I whispered, lifting the suit from her hands. Her fists clenched the crimson fabric as though it were a dying friend.

"I can't go back there, Anti-Cosmo," she choked out. "I wanna get out. I wanna travel. See the world. Eat new foods. Speak new words. Find my pa. I wanna see the cloudlands and the planets too. It's been 170,000 years trapped inside that anti-fairy tunnel. Smells of droppings and mould in there, and there ain't no talking sense into the fruities next door. If I gotta spend my whole life there, I'm gonna die before it's over."

I hovered before her with the suit draped over my forearm, at a loss for what to say. "Your pa?" I finally asked. Anti-Wanda looked up. I shrugged. "You said 'pa' instead of 'parents.' I was curious to know if he ever visited you."

Anti-Wanda shook her head. She rubbed her fist against her nose. "He changed his look any time he came to see us pups, back when my sis and I lived free. Think he was hiding from someone, keeping' low. Never told us his name. One day Ma took us to Fairy World and left us there. Cherubs picked us up not long after that."

"What?"

"Uh-huh. Plopped our tails on a bench and told us she'd be back with carnival tickets real soon. Always wanted to see the carnival. Shouldn't've asked her again after she said to shut my trap." Her eyes glazed over. "Anti-Wendy was asleeping, but I remember that's what Ma said. Said it just like that and left us there."

"Gods, that's horrific… But suppose something happened to her? She could have been arrested by some young Keeper jumping to conclusions, or-"

"Anti-Cosmo, I ain't never gonna forget the way she flew off as long as I live. Dame lost weight that day. Two weights, right up here on her shoulders. Shoot, we waited on that bench for days… Didn't let my sis leave even when she begged. We was starving. Poor dumb me really thought she was coming back." And she laughed, touching those wet cheeks again. "Guess Boss is right, huh? I'm half. I'm just a half. Half a balanced anti-fairy, half a pretty anti-fairy, half a brain…"

"Two halves make a whole," I assured her.

"A whole what?" she spat back. "Idiot?"

Her accent slurred the word in a sharp, stabbing way I'd never heard before, like claws dancing across the springcase keys. I thought about her statement and decided to say, "Two halves of a whole partnership: You and the idiot soul you marry. Idiotically happy, I'm sure. Someday you'll be out there travelling the world with the other half who makes you feel whole."

"Chump," she muttered. "Ain't no half a partnership either. After I get free, I ain't tying myself down for nobody. No wedding, no rings, no promises, and anyone who tries to court me's gonna get their heinie kicked to Santa's workshop. And don't say that makes me like my mama."

My ears flicked back in alarm. "Darling, I would never dream of it. Believe me, if that dame truly did drop you over the border instead of turning you over to a relocation home, then I despise her as much as you do. Why, I would slay a dragon for the chance to have my own pups, and yet your mother abandons you and your sister like that and your father doesn't stop by to say… Wait. Hold the wand. This is… familiar." My eyes slid one way, then the other. I opened my mouth and shut it again. "Wait… Wait." I turned a full circle, drawing tick marks in the air. Then I spun around again and hugged the poor suit against my chest. "Oh my gods. Oh my gods, Anti-Wanda. I know your father."

She blinked as though plunged in a stupor. "Huh?"

"Smoke, it adds up! Twins abandoned by their mother in Fairy World while their father never knew! He's been looking for you ever since, but he never expected to find you in the Nest. He didn't know you were still in Fairy World all this time. Anti-Dusty's daughters."

"… Huh?"

I threw the suit back into Anti-Wanda's lap. "Get changed, and in a hurry. Do you have a wand? If so, use it now. Good smoke, I need to sit down. No, I'll stand. It's just- This is-" I tried to bow to her, sweeping off my crown in the process. Shock dropped me to one knee. "You're the lost princesses, darling. You would be heir to the High Countess seat right now if Anti-Dusty hadn't been cut from the Anti-Coppertalon family tree- Anti-Buster told me once on a visit to Fairy World in my youth. Oh my gods, we have to find your sister. You both have to come with me."

Anti-Wanda trembled, curling her claws into the fabric of the suit once again. "I… can't go with ya, Anti-Cosmo. The boss'll find me wherever I go. She told me herself. I ain't fast or smart enough to get away- I'm just a half, remember?"

"Half a partnership," I said, extending my hand. "We're in cahoots now, my dear."

"Cows don't hoot…"

I couldn't hear the dining hall music this far down the corridor, but surely they'd be wrapping up the show soon. I licked my lips. "Anti-Wanda, do you crave your freedom more than anything, even Dm. Venus and her foul words? Do you want to meet your father again? I know him- he has the authority to get you out of there. He can help. You can come… home."

… Home.

"Come on, Anti-Wanda," I begged. "Get dressed. Well? Why aren't you moving yet?"

She shook her head. "Don't we gotta make an escape plan? It's gotta have plans."

"There's no time. You're alone here and Dm. Venus is busy with the show- this is the perfect opportunity to slip away. Until you're with your father, she owns you. We may not catch a better chance than this; it's fated, isn't it?"

"So there's a 'we' again," she muttered. "Same deal goes as last time?"

She pronounced we like my mother pronounced my brother's name. A thin pin pierced my chest. I rested my hand to her far cheek and turned her face so our foreheads barely brushed. "I am not like Anti-Juandissimo, my dear. I swear I shall not abandon you should we run into any trouble."

Anti-Wanda didn't push me off, but her jaw clenched, slipping against my fingers. "You didn't know him. Don't say you're the better drake."

I held her gaze unblinkingly. "Then I'm not like your mother. Come on." With a twirl of my wand, she was dressed again. I grabbed her hand. She yanked it back.

"Your effa's beating faster than a stampede of hogs down a mountain."

Indeed, I could feel swirls of magical effervescence leaking from my palm, mingling with the energy field's threads like a string of lights in an ulk tree. "It happens when I'm nervous."

"I make ya nervous?" she asked, as though this were hilariously amusing. I squeezed her hand and fought to ignore the quickening of magic in my veins.

"Extremely. The charming and elegant do that to me."

Anti-Wanda and I took the long way to the temple's front, circling the dining hall. Our progress was made even more agonizing by every straggler we came across, for we constantly had to slow our pace so as not to attract suspicion. If word got back to Vinnie that I of all people was interfering with her work and helping one of her primary dancers attain her freedom, I didn't even want to know what she'd do to me.

Dm. Venus. I meant Dm. Venus.

"Have you ever been to Comet Falls?" I asked Anti-Wanda as we passed through the final archway. We hovered above the landing in the entry hall now, behind the head of the watchful sheep.

"Where the comet falls?"

"It's a large town where the Sky Temple is, in Fairy World. That's your zodiac, isn't it? If Dm. Venus ever allowed you out anywhere, that's the one place she would have let you visit, I think. Ha. Darling, if you believe that shiny Rainbow Bridge or that port city of flashing signs and gamblers were the biggest tourist traps in Fairy World, then you really haven't seen Comet Falls. The landscape is beautiful, although the town is more eccentric than quaint. Perhaps more than some."

Anti-Wanda shook her head. She slid her fingers down the banister as we descended. "Ever been there yourself?"

"Goodness no, not yet. But I plan to have my honeymoon there. I was going to ask you for roosting recommendations."

"Shucks, if it's your honeymoon then I'd try being upside-down and naked."

"Yes, that's quite amusing."

Halfway down the staircase, we both stopped mid-wingbeat. No Anti-Wendy waited to greet us at the bottom. A cloud of blue smoke huddled near the floor. A little square hat lay upturned two wingspans away. The smoke didn't even twitch, only clustered in a heap. "Anti-Wendy, what happened?" Anti-Wanda cried, racing down the last of the steps. She tripped at the bottom, even while flying.

"She can't hear you if she's regenerating," I pointed out, hurrying after her.

Anti-Wanda ignored this helpful observation. She felt around my waist until she found my sheath, then drew my wand. "Someone did this to her. We gotta find out why."

"Oh, indubitably. That villain won't get away with this. I say we start by questioning the guards out front."

Before we could even stand, a deep boom sounded somewhere overhead. I stared at Anti-Wanda. "That came from the moon gallery in the northwest section."

"How'd you know?"

"I studied temple architecture in my youth, including this one. Plus, I was just there earlier today. Come on." I snatched back my wand. "Someone must have broken in."

Anti-Wanda threw her sister's lifesmoke a pained glance, but followed me without hesitation. We flew back up the stairs and past Anti-Praxis at the registration desk. I jerked to a halt. Anti-Wanda kept flying towards the moon gallery, but when she realized I'd stopped, she flipped over to peer back at me.

"Anti-Cosmo?"

"J-just a moment, darling!" I skimmed back to Anti-Praxis. He'd left the desk behind and staggered halfway to the gallery entrance, but that horrid cough slowed his movements and left his balance unstable. I took his hand. "Anti-Praxis, are you all right?"

He hacked into the curve of his arm again, wings beating all wrong. "It's nothing new. Old bones, weak body. Hustle your buns, lad- You've gotta get that wand!"

I hesitated. My instincts cried out for me to stay with someone hurt, but he did make a good point. Anti-Wanda and I had a crook to catch. I nodded and flew back to her. Together we raced through the moon gallery.

The struggle had ended before we even reached the final room, if there was a struggle at all. Several people crowded the corridor. Anti-Fergus had Dame Artemis - of course it was Dame Artemis - pinned to the wall, hands behind her back. Anti-Elina aimed a steady wand at her face, an ivory wand in her other hand. Anti-Bryndin leaned against the doorframe with his arms folded. His foot was propped on a statuette that had fallen and must have made that heavy crash. "Is it over?" I asked, not sheathing my wand.

Anti-Elina glanced back at me, wiping her bangs from her eyes. "We caught this refract trying to make a run for it after desecrating Helena's temple."

"What?"

"Um." Briefly, Anti-Elina dropped eye contact, then glanced at Anti-Bryndin. He made a rolling motion with his hand to signal she should continue. "In the mural. Salalalyn's and Helena's temples are painted beside each other in the depiction of Plane 23 near the top. It's, um…" She held up some sort of shiny clump of wire or wool for me to see. "She scratched away the roof with gold. We found the scrubber in her drink cup, see? The one she brought in."

"That's not the real High Countess," Anti-Wanda breathed in my ear. "She's acting real funny."

"It's Thurmondo," I whispered back. She looked blank. "Prince Thursday? The Leaves spirit? They're kiff-tied. He has no choice but to take control if ever his medium steps inside a temple that isn't his own." Louder, I asked, "Gold?"

"Yeah. And she would have kept at it if we hadn't shown up, I think."

Anti-Bryndin clapped me on the shoulder. "Your courage feeds us all, drake, but we have this matter under control."

I bowed my head. "Yes, um. Th-thank you, Prince Wednesday. We Anti-Fairies are beyond fortunate to have you looking out for us. Sir." With my head still low, I glanced at Dame Artemis. She hadn't acknowledged my presence yet, but only smiled a content, sour smile at nothing in particular. Anti-Fergus kept a fierce expression on his face, but I could tell from the rattle in the energy field how disappointed he was to catch his honorary niece at the scene of a crime.

"May Anti-Wanda and I look around, esteemed princes? She hasn't seen the gallery yet and I had hoped to show her before we heard the crash."

Thurmondo turned to Anti-Bryndin again for permission; Winni waved a dismissive hand, his confident smile dropping. "Touch nothing," he ordered. "And if he asks you to leave, then you do it without question. I mean it. In this temple, his word is law."

"Yes, High Count. Er- I mean- That is to say-"

Winni chuckled and ruffled my hair as he, Anti-Fergus, and Thurmondo left the gallery. They dragged Dame Artemis off, though she called out obscenities between her cackles and a few threats that she would be back someday to finish the job. I clapped my hand against my forehead.

"I just called a demigod 'High Count,' Anti-Wanda! I can't believe he didn't skin me alive."

"Didn't act like no prince I ever heard of," she muttered.

"Come on. I want to take a look around." I walked down the rest of the corridor and into the final room of the tour. It was large, with no balconies and only the one exit. It brimmed with display cases and appeared well lit by skylights and windows. I frowned.

"How peculiar. The bars on any of these windows are wide enough to fit an owl if she were determined enough to squeeze through. With such an easy getaway, why would Dame Artemis risk running back through the corridor? That's where Thurmondo said they caught her."

"Duh!" Anti-Wanda poked her claw against my neck. "Must've dropped her wand outside the room. Only Fairies can still poof without touchin' their wand."

"True…" I touched my claw to the top of one display case. "Then why not throw that clump of gold out the window? Once Winni and Thurmondo caught her with it, they knew exactly what she'd done. If she'd disposed of it and didn't steal anything, no one would have noticed the mural had been tampered with. At least not for a while."

"Coulda been her snack."

"… No. Dame Artemis may be a child, but she's awfully clever. I think she got herself caught on purpose. She wanted us to know exactly what she did."

Anti-Wanda leaned her head so far over, her ear brushed her shoulder. She squinted at me, scrunching up her nose. "Why's that, smarty-pants?"

I bit my lip. "I don't know, my dear… I don't know."

"Huh… Hey, does the refract girl fly much?"

"What?"

"Saw her walking. You called her by name a sec ago. You know her?"

"More than I care too. She only flies in owl form, really. In most cases she sticks to the ground."

"Aha. So, maybe when she's not sticky, she don't go up 'cuz she's afraid of heights. That window's pretty high up here. See?" Anti-Wanda pointed through the bars. "We's over the cliff."

I twisted the cap of my wand and began to pace. "Yes, yes, and something else is strange. She didn't make a single appeal to Anti-Fergus to help her, nor did she attempt to explain that this was all a misunderstanding. She didn't so much as look at him, but he swore to me just today that he was like an uncle to her. I didn't figure Dame Artemis as the type to surrender easily."

Anti-Wanda shrugged and went to pick up the fallen statuette. I stayed a while longer, floating in a circle and staring hard at the mural on the wall.

"Why waste time to ruin that and not appeal to the spirit you came here for…?"

"Because she thinks of no one outside the own self," said a new voice behind me. Anti-Wanda gasped. I fumbled my wand and spun around, but managed to retain the dignity required to make a stiff bow. I only glanced up when the click scuttle click click of hundreds of tiny feet came to a stop. The drake who stood before me… wasn't exactly a drake at all, by definition. His long body meandered like a snake between the display cases. He wore his coat open to show a large chunk of pearl sat embedded in his chest. White rivers of power coursed beneath translucent skin. I blinked. He was Alien, not Fae at all. A Delkian to be precise. All were permitted to worship in our Zodii temples, and no matter what his race, his identity was undeniable.

"Oh. Oh. Good evening, High Acolyte. I hope I didn't disturb you or overstep my place. My name is Anti-Cosmo. That's Anti-Wanda. We're here on migration, and I say with all honesty that it's an honour to speak with you."

"Märlgrita," he practically purred, pincers tapping, though he left out the 'r.' He extended a leg, or perhaps a hand, for me to take. I did. "You come and investigate the noise?"

"A bit, though I, um… don't fancy myself a hero. Only a clever young drake with curiosity to satisfy." I nodded at the mural. "Märlgrita, could you tell me about this image over here of the black and white bird perched on this outcropping? It's a hawk, isn't it?"

Märlgrita pressed three palms against the wall. "It is Helena who fought to steal the second sun. Touching its flame left those wings of soot."

I traced the shadowy figures with my claw. "That's what I thought. She seems to be dressed in royal clothing and speaking to secret forces."

"Indeed."

"Well, Winni and Thurmondo - pardon me for saying so, for I don't mean to imply anything - but they suggested Dame - I mean, the Refract damsel - came here to wipe Helena's temple from the mural with a golden scrubbing brush. However, if I were going to desecrate a demigod, I'd erase the spot where she was portrayed like a queen. An outcast queen, but a cunning one intent on regaining her status nonetheless. Especially if I am short and can easily reach this royal bird down here, but have to fly higher or stand on an object in order to get to that painted temple on the map." I tapped one hand against my palm. "But why would she come for Helena? … High Acolyte, isn't that Prince Morn down there in the opposite corner?"

"It is."

"He rules the sun, the day, the state of awareness in a way…" I shook my head. "If this was revenge for losing her ability to sleep, it wasn't very well executed. Never send a nonbeliever to do a worshipper's job."

Several feet tapped closer to me. I heard Anti-Wanda's wings press more tightly to the wall, crumpling in the process. "This disappoints?"

"No, no…" I turned away from the mural and drifted around the room again. "I simply wonder if damaging the mural may have been meant as a distraction. In all the confusion, that Refract damsel might have stolen something after all."

"I would not have let that happen," Märlgrita said calmly. "We High Acolytes sense all things within these walls. No step is taken, no plant leaf shifted, no speech spoken, no item swiped without my knowing. These are the abilities of the ones I serve. With them, I can match any thief. The beautiful things displayed may not be of my people, but I defend them as my own."

"Yes, I'm certain you do… My apologies for the trouble that child caused you nonetheless."

"None at all, Anti-Cosmo. You enjoy the temple for the season. Leave the thieves to me."

I bobbed my head, unconvinced. None of the display cases appeared to be broken and the High Acolyte seemed convinced that all was well. The mural leered over me, shadowy claws marking up my cheeks and chest. Very well. With a shake of my wings, I edged over to the entrance of the gallery. Anti-Wanda scurried after me. Märlgrita's eyes boiled into the back of my head. His hundreds of feet began to click scuttle click away. What a dull and creepy life he must live, confined to Salalalyn's temple day in and day out until he died. Wiping the dust off a row of ancient figurines was probably the most excitement he had on a regular basis when my people weren't around. Ha. I don't see how anyone could ever want to be High Acolyte.

"Anti-Cosmo," Anti-Wanda hissed when we made it outside.

"What?"

She stuck a thumb over her shoulder. "That guy had the biggest butt I have ever seen in my whole life. I mean huge."

"My dear, your powers of observation astound me."

While we were descending the stairs back to Anti-Wendy, Anti-Wanda suddenly stiffened up. I ducked beneath her outstretched arm and realized instantly what had stopped her. Anti-Wendy had finished regenerating, but only recently. She still lay cheek-down on the floor. I suspected Dame Artemis had smacked her with something, perhaps a statuette, very hard on the back of her head. The entry hall was alight with movement - Anti-Bryndin barking orders, Anti-Elina pointing all directions, camarilla members and guards crawling all over - but Anti-Buster crouched beside her, holding her hat.

"Odd," I murmured. "Dame Artemis came around this way to get to the moon gallery instead of simply leaving the dining hall from the upstairs level."

"That's him," Anti-Wanda whispered. "That's my pa. Anti-Cosmo, that's my pa. He always changed his looks, but I know it from his eyes. That's my eyes. That scar on his cheek. I know that scar."

I threaded my fingers with hers and gave her hand a squeeze. "I know. Your mother stole you from him and he's been missing you ever since. Let's go tell him 'Ben'argenta.'"

Anti-Wanda seemed reluctant to move, but I nudged her forward anyway. Her hands remained in a ball at her chest, knuckles purple. At the bottom of the stairs, I cleared my throat.

"Anti-Buster, I'd like to introduce you to Anti-Wanda and Anti-Wendy. They're twin damsels who were born in the Winter of the Surrounding Thunder and abandoned in Fairy World by their mother as pups."

Anti-Buster stood up very quickly, squeezing Anti-Wendy's hat in his hands. I dropped down to help the poor dame up. Anti-Wanda stretched out her hand. Anti-Buster stretched out his. I was just lifting Anti-Wendy to her feet when a cool stream of effervescence washed over the back of my neck.

"Anti-Buster?" Anti-Bryndin stepped around me, hands clasped behind his back. Anti-Fergus and Anti-Elina weren't with him anymore, and I wondered with a sudden prickle down my spine if he'd stopped to wait for us here. He smiled at the First General, but his eyes were half-lidded. Gesturing to Anti-Wanda, he asked, "Who are they?"

"Anti-Wanda," Anti-Wanda said, leaping instantly into action. "Ben'argenta, High Count boss, sir. Anti-Wendy's my twin there. We came with the dancers from the Eros Nest."

Anti-Bryndin's eyes swept up and down. My claws tightened in Anti-Wendy's arm. Did he like what he saw? I wasn't sure. Either way, Anti-Bryndin swivelled to face Anti-Buster, leaning forward on his toes. "Are they your pups, my nervous red-caped friend? What family do they belong to?"

Anti-Buster gazed back at him, half-brother to half-brother… or servant to demigod. The challenge itself didn't need to be spoken aloud, for it was already there, embedded in our every tradition: If word gets out they're Anti-Coppertalons, you start a revolution. Anti-Bryndin began to tap his foot, and Anti-Buster lifted his chin.

"I've never seen them before in my life, sir."

"Then these two return to the Nest with the dancers," Anti-Bryndin replied, and floated off down the hall. Anti-Buster twisted on his heel and followed without a backwards glance. Anti-Wanda stood beside me, very quietly, very still, with her hands together in front of her chest. Anti-Wendy stirred in my arms, rubbing her eyes and mumbling to herself. After several silent seconds, I cleared my throat.

"I, ah… see that taking surprises calmly runs in the family…"

Anti-Wanda lowered her head. "I hate you."

I didn't try to protest as she helped Anti-Wendy up to her wings. But as they started off, I burst out, "Anti-Wanda, wait." When she turned, I flung my hand towards the open double doors. "The guards are probably all distracted with Da- with the nix refract. If you take off now, Dm. Venus will never catch you."

Anti-Wanda shook her head. "Too late."

"So that's it?" I asked, still gesturing as she led her shaking sister down the corridor. "You're giving up? You're going back to that wretched hag who tortures wisps and says you're only half of what you want to be?"

"At least I'm halfway there," she said over her shoulder. "I know where I'm going and I'm already most the way. Not bad for only 170,000 years of a million old."

I don't think she meant to be so poetic, but she left me there with my hands in my pockets and my head to one side.

The rest of migration season passed rather uneventfully, or at least I found myself so lost in thought that I believe it did. I'd dreamed that Cedarcross would be a place Anti-Kanin and I would wander together and I'd never leave his side, but in reality we signed up for so many different activities with so many different people and made so many new acquaintances that I suppose it didn't matter. I saw Anti-Wanda a time or two, but only from a distance as I didn't dare approach her. A few times I spotted my brother with some new dame they were courting but obviously lacked interest in. My mother was their usual self most days, drifting around the outskirts of the crowd and picking something off every platter in a single trip. We were so absorbed in looking about to see if those behind us were watching that we once bumped straight into each other by one of the dessert tables. My mother caught my plate, which was fortunate since I clapped my hands to my mouth when I saw them.

"Ah," they said.

"Ah," I said too. "Hello, Mother. Enjoying Cedarcross?"

"Hmph. Not in the slightest. These floors are filthy and none of these festivities are exciting anyone for long. It's all this talk of public affection regulations that's scarred the younger generation. What once we called natural behaviour and didn't bat an eye at is facing scorn from our own people. The Fairy media has poisoned their minds. Now, are you going to take this?"

I looked at the plate they were offering me. Since I'd nearly dropped it, the ice cream, fudge, and pumpkin pie had slid together in a mess on one side of the plate. "I… I don't like my food touching."

My mother sighed loudly and handed me their own instead. "You always were such a picky eater. It comes from your father's side." They plucked a single strawberry dipped in white chocolate from a nearby platter. "His company was the only reason I could ever stand crowds like these. He hated them more than I did but neither of us wanted to be the first to leave the room."

I blinked. "You would seek my father out at migration? Willingly? You've never mentioned that."

"Every year. I must have said something about it."

"I would have remembered."

They shrugged their wings and dangled a second strawberry in front of my nose. "Once I married Anti-Bryndin, no one else would lay a finger on me. Your father was the only idiot stupid enough to try."

"And you allowed his advances?" This was news to me.

"I pitied him."

I took the strawberry, claws clenching. "Mum, was… there ever a time you felt you loved my father? Any time at all?"

"Well, I certainly didn't marry Anti-Bryndin for his way of charming damsels," they sniffed, and continued their anticlockwise circle around the food tables. I watched them go, smiling thinly. That might have been the most complimentary thing I'd heard them say about Anti-Robin. I fingered the strawberry, then had another thought.

"Mother?" When they turned in confusion I said, "I love you. You've always let me know where I stand with you. Even at my lowest points, I always knew that if I asked you a question, you would answer honestly and without hesitation. I didn't realize until I left the Castle just how much you know and how much I missed having you around to talk to. We've both fought our inner battles as best we can and understand each other's highs and lows. Thank you for being there for younger me when you could, even if it wasn't easy."

"You're a good son," she said, and that was all I saw of her that winter.

Anti-Kanin and I left Cedarcross a week before most. I was feeling stir-crazy and he wanted to visit his favourite eating establishments without worrying all the tables were booked. "May as well try that Cracklewings place again," he called back to me as we flew. "Let them know we appreciate what they do for our people."

I said nothing. Anti-Kanin dropped back to join me. "You feeling under the weather, matey? You've been mopey for days."

"I… I don't know what I'm doing with my life, Caden. I don't. I once dreamed of breeding genies, but when was the last time I put any energy towards that goal? I'm not even halfway where I want to be. All those folk we saw in Cedarcross seem so content with their lives as they are now. I don't know why I'm out here when I prefer the walls of my study to the open air. I'm wondering if I ever should have left the Castle at all."

Anti-Kanin flew above me and made a kissing sound as he passed over my head. "Don't let it worry you much. Everyone's always got something more they want to have. Ye're only 150,000. That's awful young for a Fae. One day everything'll line up for ye. Hey. I thought we could go for dinner tonight and perhaps dessert, then find a nice roost where we can get rather cosy. Think that'd be easier on you than it was back in Cedar? Ain't no one judging you when we're all alone."

I dug my claws tighter into my sides, wondering why we're all such idiots who fall head over heels with the desire to mash our faces up against bags of flesh stretched between bone. "Tonight's not the night."

Oh gods, I wanted him. Or at least, I had before. Now, I… I wasn't sure. I couldn't explain my sudden lack of interest in Anti-Kanin, and that only frustrated me more. My fingers found a near-permanent home clutching my face, while I shrank into my wings and trembled. Smoke. Why didn't I feel I could say with honest passion anymore that I loved my drakefriend? What was wrong with me?

Anti-Kanin and I kept on our travels for years, picking up new members for our little colony and letting them fly off again as they wished. We circled down as far as Plane 3 and up as far as Plane 11. At times we roosted with groups of strangers, other times with old friends. I learned a few card games, Anti-Fairy and Fairy ones alike, though I abstained from any and all drinking contests.

Then the years turned to decades. I looked for Anti-Wanda and Anti-Wendy each time I went to Cedarcross, but if ever I tried to approach, Anti-Wanda sensed me coming and made an excuse to disappear. I didn't blame her. I was avoiding Mona just as much (though she answered to Anti-Saffron now, by my calculations).

During one migration when Anti-Fergus wasn't on guard duty, I pulled him aside and said, "I'm not happy in my bachelor colony, old chap. Could I possibly stay with you and your anti-pixies for a time? I'll pull my weight, I swear it."

"Got enough help from your brother," was his stern reply. "And last time I checked, the two of you weren't on speaking terms. No thanks."

"Anti-Fergus," I protested, but no matter how extravagant my pleas, he took no interest in me. I clung to my coat, ears drooping as he flew off to dance with some lovely dame.

Fine. If I couldn't leave my bachelor colony, I'd try something else. Anti-Kanin and I had a talk. I told him I'd travelled for decades now and longed to settle down. He agreed. We purchased a little place in Sootwater Creek, not far from the Cracklewings' family restaurant. I suppose the stereotype that Fairies have horrible memories is up for some debate, because Rupert recognized me the moment I introduced myself. Perhaps he was a drone, but if I didn't know better, I'd swear he was running the whole establishment. He even gave me a job there part-time waiting tables. That didn't solve all my problems, but it gave me a reason to leave the roost in the morning and a new way to stimulate my brain. The work was simple, but I fell in love with it anyhow.

One Lovers' Day, when I was working the late shift (I always offered to, being the youngest and most subordinate), Rupert came out of the kitchen to watch me gather dishes. I paid him no mind at first, but when he followed me to my fourth, I began to worry.

"Um. Can I help you, Mr. Roebeam, sir?"

"Have you put on a couple centimetres this month?" he asked.

"I haven't been keeping track."

"How's the tail?"

"I'm sorry?"

Rupert tapped a finger against his teeth. "Mm… Your wings have been sore, haven't they?"

"Oh, indubitably. And I've been oversensitive to everything around me too. I hope I'm not becoming ill." I waved my wand over Table 5. "How did you guess?"

"You've been walking between the tables more than flying, Anti-C. That's reason to celebrate."

"Celebrate, sir?"

"If you'll have this dance. Here's the deal: I'm giving you two weeks off. And when you get back, let's talk about promoting you to shift leader."

I straightened up. "What? What's all this? I- I'm flattered, but it's so sudden, sir."

Rupert poofed a small mirror into his hand. "Hold this high and look close, you silver fox. Your scent gland's coming in."

I snatched the mirror and tilted it back and forth, clawing at the top of my hair. "Oh my gods, my middle's balding. And the fur beneath is turning grey! Look, Rupert- it's turning grey!"

"I see," he said with all the amusement of a prowling cat. "Lock up tonight and then don't come back 'til after New Year's."

"Thank you, sir! Thank you!"

That evening, I bought a bouquet of witch's hips from the little stand on the corner and fooped home faster than ever. When I rang the bell of our little bachelor pad and Anti-Kanin opened the door, I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him fiercer than I had in years.

"Didn't need to do this," he protested.

"Happy Lovers' Day, you big idiot," I said, kissing him again. When he at last broke us apart, swiping his tongue around his lips to capture the full experience, I drew back down the corridor, towards the roosting array. But as I did so, I pulled Anti-Kanin after me by the lapels of his coat. "I daresay I know exactly what you want tonight."

Anti-Kanin raised an amused eyebrow. "Aye?"

My fingers walked their way up his chest until I flicked him on the nose. "Ooh hoo, can't you feel it? Tonight's the night we go through with it all. I shall accept your singing until morning breaks." Not that it was my first time in any life I'd lived, but it was certainly my first time in an Anti-Fairy's body. This would be an experience. "Prrrr…. Tonight, darling, we fertilise my stolen Fairy child at last."

"Are ye old enough?" he asked seriously, dropping the smirky smile. "Er… ye don't look any taller'n before."

"Of course! Why, didn't you know? My tail came in a week ago!" I imagined it swishing back and forth, although I'd noticed it… wasn't nearly as bushy as I'd hoped it would be. I suppose its rat-like thinness came from my father's line. I grinned nonetheless. "Ooh, isn't this thrilling? I'm growing into my adult wings, I've got my adult tail, and my scent gland's come in too. That means I'm legally, properly old enough for further intimacy now, at last! What do you think? I'm positively fritzy, aren't I?"

"Oh." Anti-Kanin brought a finger to his lips. His eyes swept to my toes and up again. He shifted his weight away, and when I stepped after him, he gently shut the door. "Erm. I suppose I always assumed ye'd be getting taller when ye came into adulthood."

My hands drooped at the wrists. I took a step towards the roosting room, holding them to my chest. "Wh… what difference does it make whether I'm short or tall?"

Anti-Kanin's hand migrated behind his neck. His eyes fled to the ceiling. "Errr…"

"I'm a real adult at last," I said again, my voice cracking. Was he… rejecting me? No one had ever rejected me when I was Ilisa Maddington. Not to my face. "I really am, Caden. I promise. I- I know I'm still rather young and I'm terribly undersized, but I really have matured into my adult body, and I have adult feelings for you. Don't you want me?"

He said nothing. My eyes stung.

"We've kissed undressed a thousand times! Did it matter then that I was short?"

"We wasn't exactly… adults then, scout," he said quietly.

I lowered my gaze. "I wasn't. But you were. For a long time. You didn't mind. You said it was okay because I was legal age, even though I hadn't fully… become…"

"Well. Ye were gonna grow up, buck. But singing together won't be a lick like kissing, no matter how undressed we've found ourselves before, aye? That's a commitment too large to make easy." Anti-Kanin slapped his hand against my shoulder. "I hope ye realise we can still be friends, matey."

"Are you breaking up with me over this?" I asked, absolutely floored. My fingers wrapped over my lower teeth. "I- I don't understand. Caden? I didn't do anything wrong. All I did was get older. Don't you still want me? A-and… Who am I going to fertilise the Fairy child with? I wanted… I'd hoped…"

"Ye're still cute," he assured me. He kissed the centre of my forehead before he headed towards the kitchen. I stood there, frozen, blinking soot and acid from my eyes.

Cute? I didn't want him to think I was cute. I wanted to be fritzy.

He still thought of me as hardly more than a child! Good smoke, had my father faced this same social barrier when he was my age? Would my future children? That is, if I even found someone who wanted to sire children with a scraggly little drake like me someday.

"Caden," I shouted after him. My hands tightened. My eyelids squeezed. I jabbed a claw towards the roosting room. "My feelings consume me! I desire your passions! I swear here and now that I am going to form the magic to fertilise half my Fairy child tonight, with or without you! Don't let its myriad health problems be upon your head!"

Anti-Kanin pretended not to hear me. All right, fine. I went digging. I'd allowed my drawer in our room to become so crowded over the years with scrolls, knickknacks, sketches, Lohai's bag, and random newspaper clippings. But after emptying half of it into his, I found what I was looking for. I grabbed the magic bubble that contained Ilisa's sperm and Juandissimo's eggs, slammed the washroom door behind me, changed my mind, threw it open again, slit the bubble with my claw, and brought a cloud of fertilisation magic into existence all by myself, thank you very much.

That night, I slept on the floor instead of going to roost, my body heaving as I wept my silent tears into the tangled fuzz of the bath mat I'd pillowed beneath my head. In retrospect, I suppose it was actually the following day that I wept, perhaps in the afternoon, for I wasn't tired and I stayed up so very late, trying and failing to satisfy my needs… My long-kept bubble, shakily reformed, cradled a scarlet mist along with the goopy sperm and eggs. Aha, red magic… Shame on me. Everyone knows zygotes fertilised with red terminate themselves within hours after the event… It's reasons like this the Eros Triplets fire their arrows to artificially force passionate yellow magic during fae fertilisations… No. Precious reds do not survive to term.

The child would need a surrogate parent to host it anyway, I thought, gazing at it from my place on the crumpled washroom mat. I don't have one. All these millennia I maintained it with care, and I've chosen to end its chance at life in a single bloody night.

I sat up, no longer muffling my sobs, and clutched the bubble to my chest hour upon hour until the tiny bead of hope inside finally gave up trying to live. So that was that. It was over. I leaned my head on the cupboard beneath the washing basin, pulled in my knees, and squeezed that bubble so it contorted. Then I hugged it even more. Poor, dear Fairy egg. Its colours were grey and black. Sick and irreparable. And I cried, because it wasn't fair that my desperate impulses ruined my dream of fatherhood in an instant after cultivating it for a lifetime. It wasn't fair that I'd done this to myself even when I hadn't wholly wanted to.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, blinking towards the ceiling. The cruellest part of the whole event, I thought, was that the night before hadn't even fulfilled me. Perhaps I'd done it wrong? I'd researched… I'd taken careful notes on how it ought to go… I'd practiced in my imagination day in and day out. I raged with fire even now, my body wailing with hunger deeper than any my belly had ever cried for.

Why had the spirits abandoned their loyal servant, leaving him to wallow in his hatred and doubt? Why was I still unsatisfied, still brimming with desperation even now?

In any case, Anti-Kanin and I never spoke about that night again. Nor any other night I shamelessly saw to my desires within his earshot, just to try and make him jealous. He never was. He never was.

A week after our clash, I slipped three towns over and returned in the sleepy hours of the morning with an entire stack of magazines containing indelicate portraits of undressed Fairy damsels, along with a basket of scented oils and other country remedies that were supposed to enhance particular sensations. I didn't sleep for three days. Gods, I know it was disgusting to look upon the wisps - my little wisps - with the lust I did, but it was the only type of indecent magazine one could come by in Anti-Fairy World, I swear! My own people don't pose for such lewd material, and I knew of no shop that dared openly sell the stuff, for the more dubious folk always had to secure them across the border in secret, and not for a reasonable price by any means…

"Gah," I muttered to myself the morning after. A sad scene I made, straining to peer at the posing damsel by the faint light of a candle flickering in its dish. I wrinkled my nose and flipped to another page. "I know on some level this is doing something for me, but it's not enough. Now, if only I had proper Anti-Fairies to drool over… Perhaps I'd be happy then. Wait." I looked off to one side, pricking up my ears. "I'm a painter. A bloody good one, too. I can paint all the nude Anti-Fairies I want."

Oh, pity. If only I had a model. Or brushes, or canvas, or paints.

Sigh.

Three months later, we returned to Cedarcross for summer migration. Anti-Kanin met a wonderful drake who ran a seed shop on Plane 4, and they would laugh and talk while I was around, and sometimes when I wasn't. One day when they'd been particularly flirty over supper, I declined their invitation to join them in the lava pools and stayed stubbornly in my seat as the servants tidied up the dining hall. One of them paused beside me.

"Are you finished with your soup, Anti-Cosmo?" she asked in Vatajasa.

"Finished enough," I mumbled.

"Are you feeling well? You haven't been in very high spirits this year."

I glanced up to see Anti-Wendy watching me, her ears pointed forward in concern. "Aha. You've noticed?"

She flicked her hair behind her shoulder. "I keep up with those I consider friends."

"At least I have one, then." I stood, exhaling, fingers spread across the tablecloth. "Thank you for checking in, darling. You always serve above and beyond. If you'll excuse me, I shall retire to roost."

"Good night, sir."

I paused, then turned back and picked up the last plate on the table. Handing it to her, I said, "Anti-Wendy, I never did apologize. It's my fault you and your sister are still imprisoned in the Eros Nest. I'm sorry for trying to force things with your father. If I'd tipped him off in private instead of within the High Count's earshot, perhaps Winni wouldn't have felt so threatened by your return and all would have turned out all right."

Anti-Wendy took the dish in silence, clicking it on her stack. "We all miss your visits," she said. "If you're ever in town, do stop by the Nest again."

That set the gears turning in my head. I watched Anti-Wendy gather up the wineglasses. "May I be so bold as to ask when you're off tonight? I'd love to escort you on a late night stroll."

"I'll be free in the shake of a wand."

I wasn't dressed in my finest clothes, but neither was she, so I decided not to change them. She held my arm and we circled the shrub garden by the light of the sunset skies and talked about a lot of things that weren't very important at all. "You return to the Nest at the end of the week, don't you?" I asked near the end. "Tell me, do they still strip you all of your clothes and toss you into that tunnel like wild creatures?"

"Oh, yes. Then I'm back to being Anti-Binky's prize again."

"I recall the bloke. You've rejected him before, haven't you?"

"I don't expect him to listen for much longer."

"It's a difficult predicament, I know." I tapped my fingers against her gloved palm. "At least you have your sister."

Anti-Wendy leaned her head against my shoulder and gave her wings a shrug. "I haven't seen my sister in years."

"No? Did they finally let her go?"

"I don't know. The summer before it happened, when I was in the kitchens, I heard Dm. Venus talking to the High Count… I never learned what about, but I heard them say her name. I haven't seen her since, not even up here in Cedarcross."

"Hm… Did Dm. Venus sound at all concerned? I never thought such a deity would stoop to asking help from anyone."

"No, no. He approached her saying my sister's name. My Snobbish isn't good, but I understood that much."

"Interesting," I murmured. We floated on in silence. At the courtyard entrance to her roosting room, I kissed Anti-Wendy's wrist, holding her gaze the whole time. "Argenti'rima d'sõch."

"Silver blessings, dear friend," she repeated. I bid her goodnight and flew back to my own roost. I'd brought a smile to her timid face, but my core still drooped like a damp peacock's tail.

Anti-Kanin always stayed friendly to me in the months following our break-up. Oh, I don't mean to imply he didn't. But… even so, the more his eyes wandered to Anti-Shimmer, the more I began to feel like the odd drake out. The third wheel. And not the one on a wheelbarrow.

"I want you to be happy," I told him the night before migration season was to end (He'd had no desire to leave early and beat the crowds home that year). "Anti-Kanin, you're clearly enchanted with Anti-Shimmer, and you know for certain he's willing to return your advances. Don't let this opportunity pass you by. Besides." And I shrugged my wings, dropping my gaze to my toes. "He's your age anyway. I don't want you wasting any more time on me."

Anti-Kanin paused. The clothes he'd been folding with his wand all froze in unison, hovering around us like diamonds made of rain. "I never thought I was wasting my time. I still love ya, Anti-Cosmo. You've always been my best friend. I don't want ye to feel jealous of Anti-Shim. I'll… I'll quit talking to him if that's what you want me to do. I'll do it in a wingbeat."

"It's not really you," I protested, lifting my hands. "At least not mostly. I simply need a break, that's all. I want to take some time and figure myself out. I want to follow a few temptations and find out if any of them click. I want to know for sure what it feels like to be in love. But most of all, I want you to be happy. Does Anti-Shimmer make you happy?"

Anti-Kanin turned his wand between his fingers. "Aye."

Happier than I did? I almost asked, but I bit the comment back. The year of Breath isn't a lucky one for the Water year, I almost said too. But I didn't.

"We both know I'm too young for you," I whispered. "You need to be giving your affections to someone your own age, darling. Perhaps we can try again someday, but I don't want you to keep waiting forever for me to grow up, hm? Go on, chap. Rush to Anti-Shimmer and offer to court him. I don't mind it."

"You mean it, matey?"

I bit my lip, resisting the urge to rub my scent gland across his chin. "I do."

And so I let him go, quietly wringing my hands, and making myself smile by pinching my claws into the web of skin between my thumb and forefinger. Anti-Kanin hugged me fiercely and flew off to share the news. Those two had supper at Cracklewings' the following night and were inseparable ever after. After migration season, Anti-Shimmer moved in with us and became a third member of our bachelor colony (which wasn't much of a bachelor colony anymore) and that was fine.

"You really don't mind?" Anti-Kanin would fret most days. I'd reluctantly blow out the kitchen candle and wander into the roosting room for bed. Anti-Kanin was still my best friend. Invasive or not, even Anti-Shimmer wouldn't dream of turning me out. He saw me as one sees a cousin or younger brother. Yet it still felt like an intrusion to take my once-familiar place on Anti-Kanin's left side, single and odd, when just months ago the two of us had been so close.

"I really don't. I'm so happy for you. You positively glow these days, Anti-Kanin. Anti-Shimmer's a good drake."

I often spent the evenings sweeping the kitchen ceiling with a broom or rereading one of my Kalysta Ivorie novels or preparing meals for Lohai, and I'd listen to them giggle and whisper in the next room while they expressed themselves with deeper kisses and cuddles than anything Anti-Kanin had ever given me, and it was fine, it was fine, and I swept and read and drank my tea alone late at night, and I didn't mind one bit.