A/N - This chapter parallels the Origin of the Pixies chapter "On the Notion of Cutting Ties"

(Posted July 9, 2019)

Unseelie Courting

In which Anti-Cosmo reunites with Anti-Saffron and asks out a special lady in the Spring of the Running Yale

"Where is it, where is it…?" I shoved empty boxes to the left and broken dishes to the right. When doing so kicked up a cloud of strange orange powder, I sneezed. You know, most people wouldn't spend a single minute of their beloved migration season out dumpster diving behind such a beautiful resort, but I no longer cared so much about what others thought of me. Or at least not most of the time.

"Aha! There you are. Perfection wrapped up in a little silver bow, wot? By all means, let us get you home." I turned around and came nose to nose with Anti-Wendy, her hands on her hips.

"Did you lose something, sir?" she asked in her usual Vatajasa.

"Er… Not precisely, but if you were simply going to throw this fine lantern away, I thought it fair to claim it for my own." I lifted the lantern in question by its handle. It truly was an exquisite piece, presumably handcrafted by the great-grandparents of our great-grandparents long ago. Its shape was pentagonal and all five sides were glass bordered by strong wood. Decorative pieces of jade lined its bottom, perfectly mirroring the floor pattern of the spa up here at Maplefeather Point. The magic inside had finally burned itself out and the whole thing had been dumped in the trash. I couldn't fathom why- I didn't see a thing wrong with it. "You see, my dear, the genie I care for is easily bored and I wish to move her to a new lamp. I've never seen one more beautiful than this. In the future, send them my way instead of tossing them and I'll pay you handsomely."

Anti-Wendy stared at me. "What? Did you translate correctly?"

"I've raised a genie from candlehood to her adult years, darling. Strange to fathom, I know, but nonetheless I speak the truth. Dm. Venus Eros herself placed me in charge of founding a genie conservation program and I shan't betray her trust." I hefted myself over the edge of the refuse bin, shaking off the gunk that edged my wings. "Would you like to meet her? My genie, I mean- Her name is Lohai. She's been in a stubborn funk ever since her hibernation ended, but she'll be back to herself by the end of the season, I assure you. My bag is by that rock over there."

Anti-Wendy gave me another strange look, but brought me Lohai's travel bag regardless. I unscrewed the lantern's top and held the bag upturned over the opening. Unlatching it was the hard part, but I safely considered myself an expert by this point of my life. Together, Anti-Wendy and I watched curls of rosy smoke leak from the bag and into the neck of the lantern. When Lohai's tiny form had collected itself, I eased the bag away and capped the lid back on. Lohai massaged her cheeks and rubbed her eyes, the golden cuffs around her wrists glinting like sunshine.

"There now! Is that not the most extraordinary genie lamp you've ever seen, Anti-Wendy? Whyever did you servants decide to throw it out?"

"It developed a malfunction that regularly caused it to burst into flame."

… Thank Tarrow that genies actually enjoyed the feel of fire.

"While we're on the subject of things in the spa…" Anti-Wendy picked a bit of leaf or insect from my shoulder. "A nice scrubbing would do wonders for this filth."

"Fair enough, darling. That allows Lohai time to settle in before I bother her with supper anyway."

Anti-Wendy followed me back to the courtyard, shaking her head. "You are a strange drake, Anti-Cosmo. I enjoy having the pleasure of knowing you."

"Oh? Well, I certainly enjoy conversing with- OHOH, look down there!" I grabbed her arm to keep her from floating ahead. No one ever came out to the thin patch of yellow grass behind the temple, so the two of us alone were witness to the shadows sweeping down the sides of the sandy canyon below. The sky ranged between rose and forest green, sprinkled with a million or more stars. Hugging the lantern, I lifted on my toes. "Isn't this view absolutely mind-boggling?"

"I'm not fond of heights."

"Ah, well… The Barrier taints it anyway." I pressed my hand to one cheek. "Do you ever just gape at it, longing for the right to travel freely to its other side the way our grandparents once did?"

Anti-Wendy shrugged. "My dream home is Anti-Fairy World."

"Oh?"

"Well… All my friends live here." She nudged my shoulder with her wing. "And after a lifetime in the Eros Nest, Hy-Brasil is everything I dream of. I wouldn't even know what to do with all the space Tír Ildáthach offers too."

"I suppose not. Still, I can dream of making it mine someday. You can guarantee I'll take advantage of any Barrier chink I ever find. The Anti-Fernfire family certainly has a wonderful view up here." I trailed around to the temple's side courtyard and, once Anti-Wendy unlocked it with her wand, held the servants' entrance door open for her. "You don't have to do that," she said, dropping her gaze.

"Oh, but I want to. Damsels first, my dear."

She walked with me all the way to the ice pools, responding to everything I said in all the right places. I'd planned to meet my friends there at noon, but they didn't seem to be around. So for an hour more, I helped Anti-Wendy gather and fold and hand out towels.

"Would you-?" I started to ask.

"Hey, Anti-Wendy?"

I'd never known the dame to speak to someone who addressed her in Snobbish unless it was unavoidable, but her ears snapped to attention. "Ben'argenta, Anti-Coleen. Räämi?"

I turned, jumping inwardly. Anti-Coleen had arrived without wearing a blouse, though a thick jumper had been tied around her waist. She had the thickest, darkest eyelashes I'd ever seen in my life and her eyelids looked about the same. Her curls resembled Anti-Wendy's quite closely, although the biggest one in front swooped down across her forehead rather than up. She shrugged, bored. "My dad's asking for you, hon."

Anti-Wendy turned to me, smiling thinly. "Looks like I'm needed elsewhere. Thank you for the conversation. Silver blessings and I'll see you again." She even gave me an affectionate peck on the cheek.

Before she could float off, Anti-Coleen took hold of her arm. "Who's this fancy punk you've got here?"

"Oh, do forgive me, darling. Where are my manners? Anti-Cosmo, year of Water." I extended my hand, palm up since I outranked her. Anti-Wendy grabbed my arm and flipped my palm down instead.

"Which Anti-Cosmo?" Anti-Coleen asked impatiently, sliding her hand underneath mine.

"Anti-Lunifly," I said, stung. "Of the Anti-Coppertalon colony by birth. My mother Anti-Florensa is the High Count's third wife and former Seat of Fire on his half of the camarilla court. To whom do I have the pleasure of addressing?"

Anti-Coleen flashed two fingers at me in some sort of greeting. "Bottom of the Anti-Fernfire line. Daughter of Anti-Tuck, the guy who took your mama's old seat. I'm a Breath year myself."

Anti-Fernfire.

"O-oh," I stammered, silently blessing Anti-Wendy for flipping my hand after all. I let it drop. "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't realize I was addressing a fellow noble on her own ground."

"I'm an iris like you," Anti-Coleen insisted, lifting her chin. "The virus just isn't obvious in me since my counterpart has red eyes. Seriously though, my colour's different from commoner red. You just have to look close to see it."

"Again, I apologize for not recognizing you straightaway, dame. I say, it's wonderfully gracious of your family to offer Maplefeather Point to the masses every summer migration. The view and cool temperatures are exquisite and the services are divine. I imagine it's quite the stressful time for your family, but of course, if all your staff work as hard as Anti-Wendy here, perhaps things run smoothly after all, hm?"

Anti-Coleen rotated her betrothal ring around her finger. "I've been looking for you for a long time, Anti-Cosmo Anti-Lunifly."

"Is that so?" I hoped my voice didn't quiver aloud as much as in my head. "Pray tell."

"Our weaves blend," was her simple answer. "You and I are going to be very close someday."

Her eyes skimmed down my chest. Was… she implying what I imagined she was? She… couldn't be a fated honeylock partner… could she? "If that's the case, dame, then I look forward to seeing you again someday. I'll have to have my own weave checked over by a soothsayer sometime soon, for now you've piqued my curiosity."

Anti-Coleen's gaze turned icier. She shrugged her shoulders in a lazy way, but her firm stare pierced my core. "I'm destined to work for you someday, I guess? So whatever your life plans are… don't screw this up, you get? My dad wouldn't like that very much."

"Oh, don't worry, darling. I always look out for those in my care. I look forward to working alongside you someday." I look forward to being your superior someday.

"Stay dazzled," she said, wandering off. Anti-Wendy skimmed after her.

The moment they went around the corner, my friends materialized from behind one of the buffet stands offering fresh slices of fruit. They slipped into the dark water and began wading over. Anti-Poof had a smirky grin and Anti-Lance's wasn't much better. I set my hands to my waist. "Ha! I see you all decided to accept my invitation after all. What took so long?"

"We didn't want to interrupt, matey."

"Interrupt?" I repeated, wrinkling my nose.

Anti-Shimmer dug his elbow into Anti-Kanin's side. "Heheh! You and that servant dame were getting awfully cosy. And don't try denying it," he added when my mouth dropped open, "because we heard the charm edging your voice from all the way back there."

"That's just my typical manner of speaking," I protested, ears curling down. I blew my bangs from my eyes. They'd grown back to their usual scruffiness long ago. Folding my arms, I argued, "I could never court a drab servant like Anti-Wendy. I prefer my partners with more spunk in their speech and romp in their roost. Besides, I doubt she's at all interested anyway."

"I've never seen you so enamoured before."

"I was not!"

"You were struck by the star."

Their teasing continued until I abandoned the pool and stalked to the soup and salad bar in a huff. Anti-Lance followed me. When we reached the line, he leaned down to my ear and murmured, "I don't mean to make it awkward, but I know how oblivious you can be. I'm sort of cheating since I understand Vatajasa and heard everything, but even if I didn't, it'd be as clear as spring sky she likes you."

"Hmph. I don't know what you're on about, Anti-Lance. I say, I don't know what you're on about. Anti-Wendy and I have friendly relations, nothing more."

He smiled thinly. "We have friendly relations, but I've never looked at you the way she does."

"Does she?" I asked, glancing over my shoulder at the door, then shook my head. Hard. "No, I could never be with her. You know that! You and I have the iris virus. We can't simply prance about bestowing it on every commoner who bats their eyelashes at us!"

"But she isn't just any commoner to you," he murmured.

I scratched my neck. "Ahaha… You see, it's just… I don't know. I'm a noble, she's a research subject who moonlights as a servant. It could never work. A-and besides, there's… someone else I've had an eye on for a while now. I'd rather ask her first, or things will be quite awkward for us three in the future, hm?"

Anti-Lance placed his hand below my wings. "Don't talk yourself out of it by seeing it as a thing that needs to last. It's just an expression of friendship, after all. No one will force you to kiss her. And if the virus is transferred, then it's transferred. Life goes on."

"But do I know her that well?" I fretted, sliding my scratching claws higher in my hair. "It just… It wouldn't feel right. It's Anti-Wendy, and I'd rather- I always thought- If I had to choose- Smoke, I'm not sure I can do this. I think I might spit butterflies. E-excuse me, I have to go." I didn't run off, of course, but I buried my face in my hands. "I don't know. I've never thought about her romantically before. I'm not ready."

Anti-Lance held my shoulder and guided me back towards the others- they'd found a little table to sit around. "Well, you can't be attracted to everyone. But if she's attracted to you and you've had a good day, why not let her have her special night? I mean, she'll have her fair share of pairs she isn't too interested in either. We all take our turns. That's what keeps our world turning."

I looked away. "I'm not sure I'm ready for anything more. I might forget how to do it. I mean, I've never really done this before- I've only read books."

"Books exaggerate things," he said, letting go as we arrived back at the table. "It won't go perfectly and you might feel embarrassed a time or two. But you'll get the hang of it with practice. It just takes time."

"I don't know."

"It comes naturally, matey."

Naturally? Easy for them to think so- all their previous incarnations matched their current species. What if my only instincts turned out to be will o' the wisp ones? What if… what if I didn't have a clue how to use this Anti-Fairy body of mine? What if I didn't understand what was happening? What if I slipped up? What if I hurt someone?

"I won't know what to say. What do I whisper in her ear when I don't really know her that well?"

Anti-Poof shrugged. "That you find her attractive and you're glad for the chance to learn more about her. You're a poetry expert. You'll figure something out."

"I suppose so…"

He, Anti-Kanin, and Anti-Shimmer went off to refill their drinks, chatting and laughing as they went- probably about me. Anti-Lance remained behind, twirling a tiny decorative wand around his ice cubes. I leaned over the table, rubbing anxiously at my hair.

"She's going to hate me. If I were her then I would hate me- 'Me' being Anti-Cosmo, not Anti-Wendy. I can't do this. I can't do this. Gods, why can't a drake born earlier in the zodiac cycle take an interest in me for a change? Then I could see how it all works without being responsible for getting it right." I ran my claws through my bangs. "I'm sorry- am I babbling? Good smoke, I am. I can't do this. I'm telling Anti-Wendy I called it off. Oh drat, I can't do that until I've made plans with her, so my hands are tied and there's no gentle way to break the news! Is it hot in here? I'm going to be sick."

Anti-Lance put down the stirring wand. "Do you want to try it with me first? I'm a Sky year like Anti-Wendy, and you won't need to worry I'll hate you if something goes wrong. It won't take long. And I already have the iris virus, so that excuse won't work."

"Oh goodness, no. The offer is appreciated, but no. I'm not ready."

"It would be tamsõsita, of course, just like with Anti-Wendy." When I said nothing, he tilted his head. "Expressing affection between friends without the expectation of romance? Don't overthink it. Let it happen."

"Anti-Fairy social etiquette is so complex," I muttered.

Anti-Lance exhaled. "I know how you're feeling. I attended school in Fairy World just as long as you did and I've heard all the insults the Fairies fling at our culture. Don't let the scolding of their media turn you against your fellow Anti-Fairies. That's what they want. They don't understand it, but sociosexual interactions are how we communicate. Nothing to be ashamed of there. Some interactions can't be expressed in words; it's no different than Fairies communicating with licks and pheromones."

I didn't reply. He lowered his voice.

"We are adults now. We can't just ignore the existence of social ranks and relationships. And if you reject all your friends… you won't be welcome in any colony very long."

"It's not that I think it's wrong- it's just… Anti-Wendy of all Anti-Fairies."

Anti-Lance touched his wing against my own. "You aren't the only one who's ever been nervous. I'm not telling you to sing with Anti-Wendy if you don't feel it's the right time… I just meant that romantic affection's only a side benefit to pairing up, not the reason we do it in the first place. Don't worry too much about it."

My claws drummed quick and fast. "Tamsõsita indeed. I swear I won't forget to remind you we're best friends on a regular basis, Anti-Lance… but today isn't right for it. Give me time for my anxieties to subside first, hm?" I tugged the collar of my coat as the others returned with fresh drinks. "Oof. Speaking of which, I'll need to be careful when I approach Anti-Wendy. The phrase 'May I sing to you?' in Vatajasa is uncomfortably close to the phrase for 'Did you hear me sobbing?'"

Anti-Shimmer laughed as though he were the smartest one in the colony, clicking his goblet on the table right beside the crisps. His crisps now, I supposed. "Kiireko, tamsõsita… How many words did our ancestors make up to talk about this stuff anyway?"

I watched him from the edge of my eye. "Well, there are over fifty words in Vatajasa with a connotation along this vein, not including the dozen or so used to describe experiences with a honey-lock partner. For instance, henduru means 'an enjoyable pairing with a long-abandoned partner to the point that the relationship may actually be rekindled for many years to come,' and skajalt means 'The pairing of two unlikely people who both enjoyed expressing passions despite knowing they never would have done so if all their friends weren't off with unlikely partners themselves.'"

Anti-Kanin yawned and Anti-Shimmer had already looked away absentmindedly. I fidgeted with my goblet, bouncing its lip against my own.

"W-well, my point is, it's a fascinating and complex language, really, and when I ask Anti-Wendy if I may serenade her I certainly don't wish to embarrass myself."

"Sixty-one," someone said behind me. I spewed my water. The goblet plunged from my hand and spilled across my lap. When I jerked around, I found Anti-Wanda leaning on the headrest of my bench, her chin cupped in her hand. She oozed patient confidence from every fleck of shining skin. When our eyes locked, she lifted her wings in a shrug. "Y'all said fifty. There's exactly sixty-one Vatajasa words for [redacted]. I know 'cuz I counted 'em all again yesterday. I think ya missed täidelda, or 'Mating just for the heck of bragging you finally gots an adult body even if ya don't care about the person ya do it with.' Maybe it'll stick in your memory after you're done dancing around with my sis tonight, huh?"

My face couldn't have gotten any colder if someone had dunked it in a bucket of ice. I was on my feet instantly. "Anti-Wanda! Y-you're back. Anti-Wendy said you'd disappeared without a word. I've looked for you ever since, but this is the first time we've spoken in, um… 284 years and seven months, if I'm not mistaken, a-and our last time was merely in passing."

Anti-Wanda squinted. "You counted?"

"I missed our talks," I stammered.

"Probably missed my sister too."

"Ahaha… She's a delightful dame and I'm a gentledrake. So if I may ask, would you possibly grant me permission to charm her for a season? I swear I'll treat her well. You know me, I hope, dear Anti-Wanda."

She smirked thinly, eyes half-lidded. "Aw, I ain't her mama. If you picked my li'l sis outta every damsel you've ever met, how could I say no to that?"

"Aha, yes, thank you. Thank you. I appreciate the assurance anyhow. Ta-ta, my darling!" I fluttered my fingers, and Anti-Wanda fluttered hers back as she skimmed away. When I turned around, all my friends were gazing at me with the grandest grins across their faces. My eyes slid back and forth. "What?" I reached behind my neck. "Why are you all looking at me?"

Anti-Poof chuckled. "Oh, this is too much."

"Here now, that explains why you've been all wish-wash hogwash with Anti-Wendy, matey." Anti-Kanin lifted his goblet in mock toast. "You've got the wrong twin hot on your tail."

"So close," Anti-Shimmer sighed, "yet so far."

"I… I…" I stared at my jittering hands. "I'm not sure about my feelings. I think I might like Anti-Wanda just a wee bit. I've had unique conversations and fascinating experiences with her that I've never had with anyone else. I think that means something to me, even though there are so many other Anti-Fairies I've known for longer. No offense, Anti-Lance." My claws scratched across the table. "Swear you won't tell her! Ooh, I wish I had the nerve to request she join me for an outing, but at the same time, that's the worst thing that could ever happen. She… she's wild and self-confident, quick to make friends and share her raw feelings aloud. Gods, I love that about her, but if she ever finds out I'm interested, I'm certain she'd move things much too fast for me. I've watched her seduce drakes she knows less well than I… You see, I know her enough to like her, but I don't know her enough to feel confident serenading her at roost. A-and I'd hate for her to take offense if she suggests we pair and I turn her down. "

"You'd refuse her?" Anti-Shimmer asked, since he apparently hadn't listened to any of out previous conversation. Anti-Poof watched me with a flicker of concern in his eyes.

"It takes a lot of courage to ask, and to just reject that…"

I coughed. "Well… I'd refuse if she asked me to sing tonight. Or tomorrow or a fortnight from now or really any time for the next hundred or so years. I'm not comfortable baring my soul to her yet. So… she can't know I'm interested. She'll leap on me in fear that my affections will fade before my courage sprouts and I'll be too nervous to do anything right. It isn't her that's the issue- it's me and my infuriatingly slow-to-show passions. I don't wish to offend her. I would never forgive myself if I did. Do you see?"

"You're an odd one," Anti-Lance teased, wrapping an arm beneath my wings. "Still, we love you all the same. I'm always available if you want to talk details after it's over."

I'm a Fairy, I thought as the conversation turned to ranking the drakes and damsels my friends all wanted to spend a song with. A Fairy in an Anti-Fairy's body, surrounded by souls who've all lived a thousand more Anti-Fairy lives than I… I'll never graft myself into this culture as naturally as they have.

"Anti-Cosmo," Anti-Kanin cut in. "Tiebreaker vote: Who's the finer catch? Anti-Cocoa or Anti-Swizzle?"

I shrugged. I'd met them both at migration before, but so long as you ended up with someone you yourself liked, I didn't see the point of comparing them on parchment.

Similar conversation continued throughout the meal. Just before dessert, I rose to my wings. "It was a pleasure to join you all, but I have an afternoon at the spa I simply can't miss. Anti-Wendy caught me digging in the trash after lunch and she's sure to notice if I don't clean myself up before tonight."

My friends let me go after that, chuckling as I gathered my things together (My nerves, mainly). I flew off still bright in the face from all the talk of mating I had heard. Funny how reproduction never disturbs me when discussed in a scientific context…

A thin curtain of shiny beads divided the spa on the third and fourth floors from the rest of the resort. I parted it with my hand, keeping Lohai's lantern close so as not to snag it and wrench the whole thing down. A few Anti-Fairies rested at roost or on cushioned mats in the entrance chamber, but it was far from crowded. Trees laden with colourful blossoms stood like soldiers in enormous pots along the three walls, one of which was an entire tank of crabs and fish. An indoor waterfall poured into a beautiful stone-lined stream that sliced across the room. The fourth wall didn't exist, but offered a deck with an excellent view of Southpaw Forest and its silver-leaved trees.

It wasn't my first time trying this song and dance, so I rinsed myself first in the washroom. Every shower was a room of its own with dark black marble everywhere and roosts and benches alike for resting on. I'd left Lohai's lamp outside the door, of course, for though the container was sealed from water I didn't wish to subject her to the, ah… view. But when I stepped out again, the lantern was gone.

"Lohai?" I squeaked. I searched the entrance chamber and inquired of other spa patrons whether they'd seen where it went, but no one had an answer for me. I bit my lip. Well… it had been a spa lantern originally. One of the staff must have returned it to its proper place. Still picking at water in my ear with my claw, I floated down the corridor. This level of the building contained mostly private bathing areas with impressive views, while the saunas and treatment rooms could be found above. I glided my claws over the walls and frosted glass doors as I went along. No sign of the lantern. I would have kept going right up to the floor above, but a gentle voice from the last room in the row staggered my thoughts just then.

"Don't tease your sister, Wendy."

… Wendy? Sister?

I lingered for a puzzled moment. I knew the Anti-Fernfire family opened their relaxation resort to Fairies for much of the year, but I thought for certain the entire place was set aside for Anti-Fairies during summer migration. Migration was our time to be ourselves, to flirt and play and share our secrets away from prying Fairy eyes. Perhaps I could see the Anti-Fernfires allowing in a single family during the off season… if they paid a high enough price.

I paced in a small circle, then surrendered to my curious nature. I crept quite close to the door, staying soft, and found a place for my eye that was a bit less frosted than elsewhere in the glass. I couldn't see well, certainly, but I could make out the forms of three damsels in the private bathing room. Wanda and Wendy Prime sat to one side, gazing through the window bars at the shining silver forest, and the decorative pool the waterfall from their bath plunged down into. The larger figure was certainly their mother, sitting against the wall like a delicate flower.

"There's a drake out there," Wendy Prime said suddenly (Some instinct in me knew it was her even without seeing her face). "Ask him if we can get a few bathrobes that are actually meant to fit our wings."

… They'd sensed me. Some genius I was.

"Talk to an anti-fairy?" Wanda asked. Her voice was a level deeper, more melodic than Wendy's airy scratch. "Why? You're closer."

"Your Vatajasa is better."

I stepped back from the door, but there was no point in fleeing now. On impulse, I brought three bathrobes into existence with a flick of my wand. The smoke that created them would likely itch their skin if they wore them too long, but I thought that the better option compared to running off and leaving the poor dames cold. Water sloshed. When Wanda opened the door, I was ready with three robes lying across my arm.

"Oh," I stammered when I saw her, "Y-you were bathing nude."

One can always count on me to make the finest first impressions.

Wanda tucked a curl of dusky brown hair behind her ear. Warm steam flowed into the corridor, curling around her legs and frosting instantly where it touched my skin. A string of tiny lantern balls had been strung around the perimeter of the little chamber. They cast a glow that shaded her face, but lit her translucent wings gloriously. I sucked in a breath. Those glimmering wings cast infinite spiral rainbows across the dark floor. My core twisted in a knot. I covered my mouth and nose with one hand, choking on literal butterflies because the sight was so sickeningly pretty and good and pure that it made my head spin and the blood thump in my neck. My eyes darted up to Wanda's. The curve of her cheek painted melodies across my soul. Her gentle gaze enveloped mine in fairy floss and dropped me from a palace roof in a single moment. My stomach looped inward. Lightning zipped down my arms. I tried to speak, only to nearly cry. The icy glow in my cheeks went against every Anti-Fairy instinct, every Anti-Fairy cultural norm, every Anti-Fairy schooling lesson, every Anti-Fairy wands and wings talk-

And I liked it.

Wanda blinked at me, lashes dipping like swans. "Thank you for being so quick," she murmured. "The service here is amazing."

Oh.

Oh.

Oh my gods. I didn't even know you could find Fairies attractive. All of a sudden, I felt foolish for believing I'd had any interest in her counterpart at all. Anti-Wanda didn't make me feel this way. Anti-Kanin hadn't made me feel this way.

No one made me feel this way.

"You," I said, holding out the bathrobes. Wanda accepted them and extended her hand for me to take.

"Wanda Fairywinkle. You're Anti-Cosmo, one of the few Anti-Fairies who attended Frederick Shinesworth lower school, right? I went there too. We had Advanced Boudacian Studies together."

I gazed at her for a moment, wings all aflutter and stomach nowhere to be found. A caterpillar wriggled up my throat. After swallowing, I lifted her hand and, very carefully, kissed the top of her wrist. "Ahaha… Correct on all accounts, darling." I rubbed the kiss mark away with my thumb before my acid could start to burn. "You know, I consider myself a very good friend of both yours and your sister's counterparts, and I must say it is an honour to finally speak with the dames who made them what they are."

Anti-Wanda's ever-quirked brow quirked a little higher. "Quite the gentleman, aren't you?"

"I do try. If you don't mind my question, darling, what brought your family out here to the Lower East Region during Anti-Fairy migration season?"

"Oh, just… taking a damsel bonding trip to get away from it all." Wanda patted the bathrobes. "It's nice to finally meet you personally, Anti-Cosmo. Thank you for the help."

I nodded stupidly while she stepped back into the bath and shut the door. The swirling sensation inside my chest didn't grow any less muddled. Several wingbeats farther down the corridor, I heard Wendy say, "His scruffiness was kind of cute, wasn't it?"

"Pass," Wanda muttered. "I knew him in school and even Robin isn't that much of a know-it-all creep. Did you see the way he looked at me just now? Good thing I'm already in a bath."

"Ugh, you're so picky! Why can't you ever talk about anything nice?"

"Girls," their mother sighed. I drifted up the stairs, humming a forgotten song as I went.

The entry room on the second floor was no less impressive than the one below, and to make matters better, I spotted Lohai's lantern in a flash. It sat near an empty chair, recognizable by a zigzag scratch down one glass pane. Simple enough. I decided I'd forget my spa visit and cancel on Anti-Wendy. While I was here, I intended to step out on the balcony and eavesdrop on the Fairywinkle twins' conversation for the rest of the evening. That plan never saw fruition. I'd hardly set claw across the threshold when someone called my name.

"Anti-Cosmo?"

… I could have recognized that frizzy black hair and fluffy amauti even half-blind. Er… More half-blind than I already was. She floated there with an armload of fluffy towels. They fell.

Of course. Today was Thursday. With all my excitement over finding (then losing) the beautiful lantern, I had entirely forgotten what day of the week it was… and why I normally avoided the spa on weekends. I swallowed. No turning time back now.

"Hello… Anti-Saffron. It's been a long while, hasn't it?"

"It is an enjoyable encounter!" Anti-Saffron rushed forward, wrapping me in a hug of arms and wings. She released me again just as fast. "Look at lovely little you! You've grown from fearful fuzzy fellow to grandly-groomed gorgeous guy."

"G-gorgeous?" I stuttered. "Mona- I mean-" (At least we were alone save one visitor roosting above) "Anti-Saffron, I- You look… beautiful. That dress fits your figure incredibly well. Um… You never quite tamed that frizz in your hair, I see."

"I'm fairly fond of my funny frizz, finicky friend."

I lifted one eyebrow, not agreeing but staying quiet. Before I could explain that I'd arrived at the spa for a treatment rather than a reunion, Anti-Saffron slipped her hands beneath my coat and roamed them up my chest. She lowered her voice.

"So how is it, living in a bachelor colony? You have to tell me everything. Join me for dinner?"

"I can do you one better," I murmured back, stretching on my toes to kiss her cheek. I didn't have the energy to put passion into it and I hoped she wouldn't mind. "Find us a private room we can seal and I'll ask Lohai to set the scene."

"Is she in there?" Anti-Saffron gushed, noticing the lantern for the first time. She crouched to get a better look; Lohai flinched back on instinct before she recognized her. I chuckled. With Anti-Saffron's hand in mine, we headed down the spa corridor.

"Glass walls are the healthiest thing for an en lamp genie, but she's never liked any of the potion flasks or vials I've offered her. She says they're all the wrong shape. But we both saw this one and fell in love, didn't we, darling?"

I'd expected a roost to hang from or perhaps a couch or table or pool, but Anti-Saffron led me to a small sauna with a door so tight, we wouldn't even need to block underneath it with a towel. The warm temperature instantly frizzed my fur. Warm clay balls covered the floor like straw in an aitvarai coop. They slid and squelched between my toes. "Do you need a passage box?" she asked, eyeing Lohai's lantern. "We probably have something lying around she'll fit in. It may not be as pretty or comfortable, but I don't dare lock ourselves in here for the rest of our lives, roasting and regenerating with heat stroke in a lengthy loop. No offense."

"Darling, you forget- My empty head works just fine."

"Then I trust you terribly." Anti-Saffron tugged the sauna door shut. "We shouldn't stay longer than an hour. After ten minutes we'll lose our flight, then at forty all but the dregs of our magic. A bit over an hour the heat sickness will set in. Much more than that and regeneration will kick in."

"I understand." I let Lohai out and, after the hugs and small talk had been exchanged, said, "Lohai, I'd like you to make me an expert of massages and relaxation treatments if you don't mind. Anti-Saffron works very hard here three times a week during migration season and I think it's time she had a taste of her own medicine."

"Me?" Anti-Saffron squeaked. Lohai snapped her fingers. Gong! My head flooded with fresh information so quickly, I stumbled two steps back and slid down the wall. Lohai helped me to my feet again. I shook my head.

"Well! That was a spill worth taking. Go on, Anti-Saffron. The roost is yours. I'll pleasure you delicately. Exfoliation is first, isn't it?"

Anti-Saffron fingered the sleeve of her uniform. "We don't generally do this in the sauna…"

"Ah, but Lohai is here to make me a master of the craft, isn't she? You really ought to take advantage. She'll clean the place perfectly when we're done, won't you, darling?"

"Sure," Lohai said, her mouth stuffed with a cake she'd gonged up without hesitation.

Perhaps it wasn't the most appropriate location for the sort of treatment I intended, but Anti-Saffron kept a positive attitude nonetheless. Lohai (sweet daughter that she was) whipped up all the rags and brushes I described for her. At roost, I instructed Anti-Saffron to brace her hands against the wall. It wasn't perfect, but in that way I managed to scrub her skin with ease. The craft came so naturally, I felt as though I'd done it all my life.

"Ah-ah-ah!" Anti-Saffron squealed at one point. She squirmed beneath my rough hand, stretching out her wings. They lifted, then drooped as though lacking all muscle and bone. "Ah… Smoke, that triggered a mind-meld with my counterparts. Just for a flicker… A flicker's enough. Fritz, that feels dazzling."

"Does it now? I'll have to remember it."

"You've turned me to pudding, pudding. Don't stop. Keep doing it just like that."

"As you wish, my dear," I said, guiding the scrubber around the base of her spine. Scraps of loose fur and dead skin twirled like snowflakes to the clay balls below, though every few minutes Lohai would snap her fingers to clear them away without even looking over. "Well, um… I've told you how my life has been as of late. What about you? Have you made new friends while I've been out of the picture?"

"Anti-Phillip," she murmured drowsily. As I gravitated my hand lower, she twitched one leg nearly from roost. "Ahaha… He's scruffy and strange, but I certainly suppose I see him as you said."

I stopped scrubbing. "Do you mean… Heir to the High Count seat Anti-Phillip? You've befriended him?"

"Mmhm… Avoid experiencing envy. He isn't half the gentledrake you are, love. It's tamsõsita between us. I've saved my romantic flutters for my betrothed."

I tried to concentrate on what I was doing, but my hand shook and my vision blurred. Anti-Saffron had had her adult wings far longer than I had- I'd been away for millennia with the bachelor colony- sociosexual behaviour was natural for Anti-Fairies- All these thoughts tumbled like waterfalls through my head, but failed to douse a sudden jealous flame blazing deep inside my soul. "Th-that's very, um… noble of you to save your kisses, Anti-Saffron. Forgive my curiosity, for I am the nosy sort. Has Anti-Phillip expressed any interest in courting you?"

"No more than twice." She turned her head, blinking at me in I think affection, though I couldn't stop my twitching. "I told you I've rejected him, and I plan to continue if I must. There's no need for all this anxiety. I love you. Only you."

"Me? Jealous? That's not-" My cheeks flushed. "I just meant… he'll be High Count someday. I'm unsure you can resist him then. Not if he insists."

"Then take me away," she murmured.

"Beg pardon?"

"Be creche father of your own colony and take me as your queen. And the rest… we'll let it fall into place as it's fated to."

"Anti-Saffron, I… I…" My gaze fell to the scrubber. I pressed it against her skin and tried to focus on my work again. "I can't. I can't stand all the travelling. I prefer a stable study with shelves of books and drawers of familiar things. I miss the Castle with its gardens and people and pools… and I wish to continue my education. I never finished upper school."

She shifted her feet. "You want to go back? Why? You're already the smartest drake I've ever met."

I scrubbed around the base of her tail, teeth clenched like icicles. "The compliment is appreciated, but I'm afraid that isn't enough for me. I'm bored, darling. I've been bored for several thousand years. Nothing stimulates my mind quite like my time in school did. Every day fraught with delicious danger, outsmarting bullies and passing tests, studying for exams in the cute cafes while sipping hot chocolate from a Fairy World mug…" I shook my head. "School was once my everything, and I've missed it incredibly. I want to be there when new discoveries are made. I want new textbooks to read. I want to pick the minds of silly Fairies and share with them the Anti-Fairy culture that I can. I could never settle for a life of aimless wandering and begging hospitality off strangers that we meet- do you see?"

Anti-Saffron turned her head, slowly. "Will you ever be satisfied, Julius? With life? With me?"

My fur prickled at the sound of my private name, but I pushed her cheek gingerly forward again and kept my voice steady. "Anti-Saffron, our betrothal was destiny. Tarrow himself blessed our union. We're soulmates, are we not? And we're young- hardly over 150,000. The rest of eternity lies ahead. Things will work out soon enough and then we'll be happy for the rest of our days. You just need to trust me a little longer."

"I trust you," she murmured. We lapsed into silence. I like to think I gave her the most relaxing experience of her life, but when her compliments came, they lacked enthusiasm entirely. Finished with Anti-Saffron, I flew down to Lohai when the genie cleared her throat and shot me a pointed look.

"You want a turn?" I asked, thoroughly amused. She lifted one of the fruit slices from her eye.

"If you would be so kind, Papa."

"Very well. Let's try this with you lying stomach-down, darling." To Anti-Saffron, I said, "Summer migration's nearly over. Do you have autumn plans?"

"Work."

"Same on my end. Ties you down, doesn't it?"

"A bit bothersome, to be blunt. Where are you working?"

"Cracklewings'. It's just over the border- my therapist Dr. Applespark wrote me a work pass, so I'm allowed with an escort. It's Unseelie food mostly, just… served in a more pleasing way for the Fairy crowd. Beautiful atmosphere- all healthy plants with small balls of light resting along the branches just the way we Anti-Fairies decorate."

"It sounds lovely. I'd like to eat there sometime."

I brushed my hand over Lohai's shoulders. "I think the Barrier will come down in our lifetime, you know. I really think it will. And if the Fairies don't take it down easily, I rather think I could trick them. And if I can't trick them, I may just have to resort to force, hm?" I chuckled darkly. "In any case, enjoy your fresh air and freedom while you can, darling. Because once I marry you, I'm afraid we'll be inseparable."

"Mmhm. I love you, Julius."

"I love you too… dear."

That was my most eventful migration of the decade. The days came and went, though my job at the Cracklewings place kept me too busy to research the interests I'd once loved poring over, and on the nights I didn't work, Anti-Kanin and Anti-Shimmer were often so vocally flirtatious that I couldn't concentrate anyway. One spring evening, however, a couple wandered into Cracklewings not long before closing. And they weren't just any couple.

"I'll have those," Anti-Wanda said, pointing at Rupert's painting of crepes on the wall. She kept her eyes downcast. Anti-Juandissimo ordered the soup of the day without even asking what it was.

"Of course, and which fruits do you want with that, darling?"

Silence. Anti-Wanda clenched her hair in her fists, elbows braced against the table. Anti-Juandissimo looked at me, then scooted even closer to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "We've both had a hard day, monsieur."

I didn't miss her flinch.

"Ah…" I eyeballed the floating parchment and quill beside me. "I'm sorry to hear that… And I'm terribly sorry for asking again, but would you like moonfruit or viberries with that? I may be able to scrounge up some gazeberries as well- our delivery from the Castle came in just the other day."

"Viberries," Anti-Juandissimo decided for her.

"Are there drinks?" Anti-Wanda asked. I exchanged another glance with my floating notetaker. I'd brought out the menus for a reason… Although the moment I thought that, it dawned on me that if these two grew up in the Eros Nest, they probably…

"Can't read?" I guessed, then went on without waiting for an answer. "No trouble at all. We have a variety of wines, juices, and dairy products to choose from, so ask for anything you fancy. No soda, I'm sorry to say, but we do have cocoa."

Instead of replying, Anti-Wanda thumped her head on the table. Anti-Juandissimo glared at his lap, and I wondered whether they'd had a fight. I kept an eye on them all throughout their meal. Anti-Juandissimo twice initiated conversation, but Anti-Wanda scooted from him both times. Each time he scooted closer. Only when their food arrived did he allow her more space, and then only enough to ensure he didn't jab her with his elbow.

"Does something seem off to you?" I asked Anti-Wren, one of my fellow workers. She glanced over, but returned to cleaning tables just as quickly.

"They look fine. Table 6 look like they need more napkins."

"Hmm…" I deliberately took the long way around to them. Anti-Juandissimo started another conversation. Anti-Wanda requested that he drop it. Back to the kitchen I went to await Table 4's food, though I couldn't stop pacing. After a moment of it, Rupert put out his hand.

"She's with another drake tonight, buddy. I know you Anti-Fairies like to share, but if tonight's a courting night, you have to let her go."

"I'm not jealous!" I left the kitchen to peer at their table again, where Anti-Wanda had attached herself quite closely to the wall and Anti-Juandissimo clearly had no intention of leaving her unbothered. I wrung my hands. "It's… something's up, that's all. I know Anti-Wanda, and she's the perky, teasing sort. This attitude isn't usual for her. She's uncomfortable. She wants to go home. Anti-Juandissimo is forcing her to stay. Mr. Roebeam, I have to do something."

"Your job," he said, thoroughly entertained by my distress. I huffed and grabbed the serving tray for Table 4. When I went out, his slobbering mouth was all over hers and her feet were in his stomach, fighting to shove him off. Bad vision or no, I could see the whites of her eyes.

Help her.

Without hesitating for an instant, I whisked behind Anti-Juandissimo and slammed my serving tray on his head. Soup and salad spattered down my uniform. He rocked backwards, somewhat stunned, and crumpled against the table. Anti-Wanda's jaw went with him. I floated there, huffing, my hands gripping the tray tight enough to turn my knuckles purple. After several seconds, I regained myself enough to tuck it under my arm.

"That, sir, is no way to treat a damsel. He won't bother you anymore tonight, darling… May I be the one to escort you home?"

"Are- are you joshing?" Anti-Wanda asked when she found her voice again. She fumbled to her feet, fist pounding on the table. "I'm gonna be in so much trouble thanks to y'all! What, ya think I'm too stupid to take care of myself?"

She snarled all that, leaning over her fallen captor so our noses lay an inch apart. I didn't flinch, but simply stared her down. Confused babble broke out all around us.

"Oh, no. I don't doubt your quick wandwork, madame. You are obviously a creature of brains and passion. However, knowing what I do about your gentle, kindly nature, I thought that perhaps you would not strike your offender in a public location no matter how he pushed you. Unfortunately for him, witnesses shall never deter me from my goals. By the way, I'll need my betrothal ring back. This drake doesn't respect me any more than you, I'm afraid."

"Don't follow me tonight," she snapped. "I don't want you anywhere near my house."

I considered this. "May I escort you to the Castle, then? I shall permit you to stay in my company as long as you so desire and shan't leave your side until you feel safe once again."

"I'll fly home myself, thanks." Anti-Wanda swung herself over Anti-Juandissimo's fallen body, shoving me back at the same time. Her other hand clenched into a fist. She stalked towards the door, and after reclaiming my ring, I wandered after her. She said, "Look, Anti-Cosmo. I real appreciate what you was trying to do back there, but I don't need some fancypants half-prince swooping in and fighting all my battles for me. I'm a big girl, okay?"

"Anti-Cosmo," Rupert called.

"Again, my dear, it's your willingness to reject unwanted advances that I doubt, not your raw strength." When she opened the door, I leaned to one side. "You've been caged together with Anti-Juandissimo your entire life. It seems to have tainted his mind. Perhaps sometime soon I could show you how a lady truly is meant to be treated?"

Anti-Wanda stared at me, an angry blush sinking to her neck. Cool night air rolled across our faces. "You're asking me out? After y'all just trashed my boyfriend in public? Aww, you're kidding."

"He was uncouth and deserved his punishment."

"Anti-Cosmo~? Come here~"

"He's my friend!"

"Well, he certainly wasn't your friend," I answered smoothly, but my insides were anything but smooth. Twitching ribbons ran up and down my arms. One foot trembled and the fluff around my neck began prickling up. H-had… had I really extended such an offer to Anti-Wanda of all Anti-Fairies? I-it had come so easily…

Please say yes. I long to be the one who gets to sit with you while you eat. I want to be the one who lets you hold his arm. I want to walk you here and back again. Please say yes… One night will be enough.

Rupert called my name again, only he was laughing too hard to finish. "I quit, darling," I called over my shoulder, and yanked Anti-Wanda outside by the wrist. She flew after me, but when we reached Sootwater Park, she yanked her hand away.

"What's wrong with you, huh? You's lost it!"

"Me? Why, I'm acting as I always do. You're the one who seems a mite off this evening. Has something happened to you?" I grabbed her shoulders. "Has Anti-Juandissimo hurt you or done anything to you you haven't liked?"

She squirmed away. "It's nothing. I got a promotion. I don't wanna talk."

"Oh," I said, thoroughly puzzled. My hands slipped into my pockets. "I'm sorry?"

"Shouldn't be. It's a good spot I'm going. Just don't wanna talk."

"Dear Anti-Wanda, may I ask something?" I tilted my head. "I mean you no harm and you've known me since our juvenile years. Why is it you insist on rejecting my gentlemanly offer of an escort, particularly on a night like tonight when you're clearly out of sorts?"

Anti-Wanda snorted. "'Cuz I betcha use the fancy handsome voice on all the pretty damsels with big jerk boyfriends."

"Sadly for me, I'm not used to seeing damsels as pretty as yourself." My hand twitched towards her face, but I pulled it back. "Have I ever mentioned that I love the way you style your hair? Especially when it's down… You always keep it perfectly brushed and those curls never fail to impress. I- I've noticed that for years and I daresay I find your attention to detail incredibly beautiful."

Anti-Wanda stared back at me. Her blush returned, this time fizzling just a bit across her cheeks. She leaned away. "L-look, I know I's an anti-fairy, but I ain't gonna be some cliché fairytale gal who falls for some fritzy bad boy celebrity she bumps into on the streets or something. I's got my pride."

"Ah, the thrill of the chase. That's one of the things I like about you, Anti-Wanda- you always manage to keep me on my toes, ahaha." I linked my hands behind my back, smiling in a manner that was probably stupid, but I couldn't help it. My insides fluttered, but the butterflies dancing in my stomach gave me hope, not fear. A mere decade ago, I'd worried that Anti-Wanda would demand I gratify her with smothering passions before I was ready, but now, w-well… I wondered if she perhaps might play in the cautious field after all. With my nerves at attention and liquid magic rushing in my ears, suddenly the thought of smothering passions didn't repulse me like it had that day in Cedarcross years before. I sort of… had an image pop into my head of Anti-Wanda, undressed and facing a vanity mirror, combing her hair while her tail flicked back and forth behind her. And gods, I craved that reality. I licked my lips once and bowed. "However, because I respect your decision, I will still my budding affections now and seek your company again some other day."

"You's a creep."

"I," I said, straightening again with my hand on my chest, "am a gentledrake."

"How can ya be like this?" Anti-Wanda threw out her arms. "How can y'all deck my boyfriend for being flirty with me, then come hit on me and hit on me and hit on me after I tell ya 'No,' like that's okay?"

How? Smiling, I spread his arms to mimic hers. "Forgive me, darling. I assure you this isn't usual for me, but I always seem to trip over my own feet when I hear your voice arrive. Internally I'm a wreck, I assure you, for every particle of my being is demanding that I treat you right. Should you wish to accompany me out in town sometime, I will accept without hesitation and let you take the lead. Should you really wish to abandon my company… You would have flown off before I opened this fancy handsome mouth of mine, hm?"

Silence. My smile twitched higher. My anxieties slipped like lava down my back, for I had the upper hand in conversation once more just the way I was comfortable with.

"Mm… I am not keeping you here, darling. Perhaps you're more fond of my… What was it, again? 'Fritzy bad boy celebrity' self? than you care to admit."

Anti-Wanda crossed her arms, her cheeks flaring with starlight. I watched her stomach suck in with an uncertain inhale. "Well, congrats on lookin' nice. Betcha got giggly anti-fairies jumpin' on you every night a' the year for centuries. There's probally a waiting list." She rolled her eyes. "So what you wanna come bother me for?"

I couldn't help it. I laughed. I laughed, and laughed, holding my stomach and curling up my legs. Anti-Wanda glanced behind her, perhaps wondering if she should make a getaway while I my attention was diverted, but I held my palm out in plea for her to wait. Wiping tears of acid from my eye, I said, "I'm sorry, darling, but the thought is absurd! To be knocked down and jumped upon as though my elasticity was entertainment! Why, that's a preposterous mental image. You're delightfully hilarious, you know. It amuses me."

Anti-Wanda stared. "Are ya thick? I said on you."

"I don't follow."

She put her hands on her hips in perfect imitation of her sister. "How many dames have y'already sung with this season alone, busy bee? That's what I'm asking."

"O-oh…" A chill crept across my face. "That's what you meant… Oh, no, you misunderstand. I don't chase damsels. Drakes either. At least…" I took sudden interest in turning my wand between my fingers. "… I didn't until tonight. Hm. Perhaps I've come off as forward. Foolishly I believed you'd noticed that I've found your charm endearing for centuries, for no one has ever turned my knees to moss the way that you do, darling. These last few decades I've hid my interest especially poorly, I think, for my friends mock my hesitation to approach you every migration. I suppose that when I saw you tonight, out here away from the excuse of alleged seasonal hormones, I just wanted the slimmest chance at…" I bit my lip. "My apologies. I'm bothering you. I'll go."

"Good. Next time you hit on a gal, don't be a creep about it. You make politics scary." Anti-Wanda crossed her arms. "You wanna ask me out proper? You better be at my pa's summer place tomorrow at sunset with some black roses and a nice shirt. Take me somewhere with good food. Sunset sharp, you hear?"

I stared at her, mouth dangling. "You… you mean it? An outing? Just the two of us?" Anti-Wanda lifted a brow at me, clearly indicating this was the only offer I would get. I straightened and snapped my wand to my forehead in a salute. "Yes ma'am! I shan't forget."

"And I'll be wearing purple, so if your tie don't match then the whole deal's off."

"Oh, yes! Yes, of course!" I gripped my wand so tightly, it's a wonder it didn't snap. "Ahaha, I shall await you fondly, my dear. Every moment that creeps by me shall sting with the fury of a thousand akhlut teeth."

"Cut the poetry crap, fancypants. Just say 'You's got a real cute patoot' and I'll catch what you're laying down." Anti-Wanda stuck her closed fist towards me, in the same way I would have extended an upturned hand or a pixie might have extended a shake. "Anti-Wanda Anti-Fairywinkle. I didn't tell ya earlier, but I've took my counterpart's last name. Thanks for figuring out for me what it was."

"Anti-Fairywinkle is such a lovely title," I said, tentatively lifting her hand to my mouth for a kiss. "Fitting for such a lovely damsel."

Anti-Wanda covered her wrist with her other hand. "Can ya stop being a noble for a sec and just knuck me like a normal person?"

"What?"

"Knuck. Y'know? It was this big thing back when we was kids- we even learned it at the Eros Nest. Your knuckles click together." I suppose I continued to appear perplexed, because her brows pinched together in concern. "… You was a kid once, right?"

"I… spent nearly 70,000 years of my childhood imprisoned in a genie's lamp. I don't know these things."

"What's a lamp? And actually… what's a genie?"

I stared at her for a moment, my lower lip trembling. "Anti-Wanda, I… Oh, kasa d'sõchu."

Her brows sprang up. "You do?"

"Yes. And I want to learn everything from you. When I was finally free of my prison, my mentors taught me all the big news events that I missed while locked away, but I wish to know more. All the juvie games, all the customs, all the jokes, all the social cues I don't understand. Will you teach me?"

Anti-Wanda thought about it. "All right. I can teach you normal people stuff. But you gotta get me one of them funny sticks and teach me all the magic."

My wings skipped. "You've never used a wand before?"

"Not a real one. Anti-Wendy's got a kitchen wand for cleaning tables, but I wanna know more. Didn't have wands in the Eros Nest. Never learned how. Ain't no one got classes for teaching adults."

"Well, ah… I hardly consider myself the finest teacher in the land, but… I would be honoured to call myself your tutor. I'll bring one to our outing and after supper, you'll have your first lesson."

Anti-Wanda arched her eyebrow again. "Nah, not 'I'd be honoured.' You say 'That sounds dazzled.'"

"I do?"

"If you wanna talk like people."

"Mm. So long as you and I can communicate perfectly well, I don't see what the big fuss is with my manner of speaking. My friends are so mundane anyway; I don't mind if they leave me over this."

"You talk funny," Anti-Wanda argued. "Convertalations with you are real hard, and it's infastructing enough I wanna spit out my teeth."

Bless her soul- it always melted my willpower when her words jumbled together that way. She tried so hard, and that blend of disjointed annoyance and glowing passion was one you simply couldn't find in any other damsel.

"Oh?" Brimming with amusement, I floated a step towards her. "My conversations are infuriating? Why Anti-Wanda, I had no idea you could make an insult sound so charming!"

"You's such a know-it-all," she huffed, standing her ground with crossed arms.

"I suppose I am. For the record, I happen to think that yooou are such a stubborn yale."

"Hey, y'all know what I meant by it. And as long as you and me can get an understanding, I don't see what all the whining is about how I talk."

"It's endearing," I assured her. I scratched behind my neck. "I, ah… I look forward to taking you out on the town. I'm meeting you at Anti-Buster's cabin, then? I know the place- I followed him once when I was a bored and mischievous pup."

"Yeah, he mentioned that."

"He's told you about me?"

"He visits me and Ma. I've asked stuff."

I bit my lower lip as a shiver shook my wings. Anti-Wanda had… sought out information regarding me in particular? "Aha… And, um, I'm certainly fired now that I've hit a customer with a platter, so… If you ever want to see me again, my schedule is free until further notice."

"We'll see."

I arrived early to Anti-Buster's lake cabin with a single black blossom in hand. Privately I was delighted I hadn't overshot my destination, for the energy pumping through my core filled my wings with strength. I could have flown around the planet twice. But Anti-Wanda wasn't waiting for me outside, nor did she answer the door when I tapped it with my wand.

"No lit lanterns in there…" Did I have the wrong cabin? It looked identical to the one in my impeccable memory- Anti-Buster had once scolded me as a pup out by this very boulder. Still, I frowned and withdrew a salt container from inside my coat. You know, I always meant to wear something more appropriate when I went out romancing, but I'd never regretted keeping it around yet. I tossed two handfuls of salt across the walking path and began work on the magical defences.

There were three, but a single umbra proved enough for them all. Then the physical lock on the door. It popped open without trouble. I kept my hand on the neck of the canine-cervid I'd summoned - a Fire umbra I'd bonded with well over my years of demon taming - and crept inside. Pollux (I had a tendency to name my favourites) stepped after me, antlers glowing. He nosed my coat in search of any more salt. I pushed his head away.

"No one in here… Is this not the right place?"

Pollux nibbled at the ends of my hair. I scratched him between his chimera horns, scanning the front room. Several parchments covered a low table and a few more lay scattered on the floor. I picked one up. It was a letter. The ink was pink and the scrawl cursive, dotted with hearts, so I knew instantly it had been written by an Eros Triplet. Dm. Venus herself by the look of it. A farewell and 'Thank you for your contributions to society and education' letter… The words were polite, though the tone read like a scolding. Curiosity piqued, I shuffled through a few more parchments and found an official release document from the Eros Nest, along with Anti-Wanda's health report and letter of recommendation… Recommendation for what, I couldn't tell. School, perhaps? Strange. I didn't know you ever got to see the letters of recommendation written about you.

"What was she doing with all this?" I murmured. "She can't read. Well… This is certainly the right place." I looked over my shoulder at Pollux, who'd started scratching a hoof at a gash in the floor, tail fluff wagging. "So where is she?"

No answer. Hmm. You know, if this had all been a plan to lure me into a trap, I'd have been okay with that. At least then I would have known Anti-Wanda wouldn't be coming tonight. But as it was, I had no idea. I locked the place up and set all the magical defences again (only better, because it was me). Pollux and I spent the next two hours playing Fetch, which was at least a little more entertaining than usual with a frozen lake to play on. Stupid drake I was, I stood out there waiting for Anti-Wanda all night.

When the sky began lightening from sunlight below, I finally returned Pollux to his own dimension and dragged myself home. I shut the door quietly behind me. Not quietly enough, however, for my housemates appeared instantly in the kitchen doorway. "Where have you been all day, naughty boy?" Anti-Shimmer teased.

I glared at them both. "Out."

"Busy bee, I heard," Anti-Kanin cut in.

"Then you heard from unreliable sources, darling."

Anti-Shimmer slapped me beneath the wings. "All I know is, that dame's eyes were red when she dropped by the seed shop yesterday, and when I saw her passing by tonight, they were pink as sunrise. We know what that means, you sly little duck."

"What? Anti-Wanda? Are you sure?"

"Scry bowl's ready in the washroom if you wanna ring Anti-Lance," Anti-Kanin added, waving his hand down the corridor. I floated for a moment in silence, just trying to take it all in. Pink eyes? The iris virus? Was that all… true? Had Anti-Wanda ditched me by the side of the road in favour of a prettier face? No. Not Anti-Wanda. Anyone but loyal Anti-Wanda.

Maybe… maybe Anti-Shimmer had seen Anti-Wendy and mixed two dames up. But it wouldn't explain why Anti-Wanda hadn't been waiting there for me.

I looked at their faces- dumb, cheerful faces. I inhaled. "Anti-Wanda never showed up. And while I stood out there waiting in vain, I had time to think things over. I've decided that I'm leaving. The next time I see you both will be at migration. If I even decide to come." Anti-Kanin opened his mouth to ask a question, but I cut him off. "I just- I think it would be best for all of us if I left your colony and joined a bachelor group instead. A bigger bachelor group." A real bachelor group.

Anti-Kanin and Anti-Shimmer exchanged guilty glances. Their fingers tightened together in a ball. Anti-Shimmer made a nodding motion towards me with his head. Anti-Kanin cleared his throat.

"Anti-Cosmo, before you do that, I think there's something I should offer you."

"Oh?" I kept my hands on my waist, even as my throat burned. "And what's that exactly?"

Anti-Kanin rubbed behind his neck. "Aye, well, Anti-Shimmer is me primary flame right now. But, ah… You're every ounce the adult he is. So I want you to know that if you'd like to be my second… I'd love for you to join us. We were just waiting for you to ask. I mean, I know you wanted to try other options-"

"I'm not going to be your second choice!" I screeched. In an instant, my voice had hit the ceiling. My hands flew to my eyes. And then, to my own horror, my knees hit the ground. I leaned over, both my palms digging into my eye sockets. "I deserve better than this! I know I do! I don't want to be your backup, your stupid spare whenever Anti-Shimmer is out working late. For once in my life, I want to be first for someone on purpose! I just want to be wanted. Is that too much to ask?"

"Anti-Cosmo!" Anti-Kanin didn't shout my name in anger, but in concern. Instantly he was on the ground beside me, holding me with tender arms. His hand stroked down my spine. "Please don't cry. I never want ye to feel ye're unwanted, matey. Of course I want you. I care about ye, boy. Let's work something out so we're all happy."

"I'm… not… crying." I gripped the front of his shirt in both my fists, leaning my forehead against his shoulder. "I'm even older now than I used to be when I first got my adult tail. I assuredly have adult feelings. Don't you want me now?"

He rubbed circles over my spine with his hand. "Of course. I still like ye. It's just that Anti-Shimmer and I-"

"How can you like him this much?" I squeezed his shirt until my claws split the fabric. My shoulders shook. "We knew each other for over 150,000 years. You knew him less than a season before you decided you wanted him more. Why? I let you go. I was good!" I slapped my palm against his chest and dragged it down. "I was good!"

Anti-Shimmer ducked back into the kitchen. Anti-Kanin stared at me, his voice crackling like dusty leaves. "I thought ye said ye didn't mind if I let Anti-Shim join us. Why didn't ye tell me this bothered you?"

"Because you should have noticed! We were best friends!"

"We are best friends."

"Then act like it!" I thrust my face into his, refusing to wipe away my tears. "If we're such good friends, let's settle this at roost. Make me yours indeed and let's end this squabble now. When I first taste the ambrosia of adulthood, let it be with someone who loves me!"

Hesitation sparked from every tuft of fur, yet he followed me to the washroom anyway. I shut the door behind him and untwisted the cap of Lohai's lantern. Rosy smoke swirled through the air, heat fogging up the mirror. When the genie materialized, it was in her sleepwear, a plush fox beneath her arm.

"Huh?" she mumbled.

"Hello, lass," Anti-Kanin mumbled.

"Lohai, if you would be so kind. We need atmosphere." I paced back and forth, tapping my chin. "I'm thinking a warm bubble bath, the scent of lavender in the air, candles burning purple on every surface, and blood blossom petals laden over everything. And of course, I ought to be taller. Almost Anti-Kanin's height, and just a hint more muscular here and there. And wearing nothing at all, either. Can you manage that, darling?"

Lohai stared at me, still blinking sleep from her eyes. I'd dragged her passage box in with us- the one I'd be using to transfer her back to her lantern when we were done here. She said "I'm going back to bed," and curled up inside it on the floor. She was too big these days for me to lift without struggle, but I took her arm anyway.

"Not without me sealing that, you aren't. Now come on. I don't ask you for much, I really don't."

"Just don't make it weird, Papa." But she snapped her fingers, and it was so. The bubbles, the candles, the flowers, the soothing smell… Anti-Kanin flinched back when he heard the gong.

"There." Teeth locked together, I turned on him and flung my hand about to indicate the entire room. "Is this what you want from me?"

"Er…"

I stepped towards him, taking his lapels again. For once, I didn't even have to stand on the tips of my toes to do it. My tail flipped back and forth behind me. "Do you know the best thing about Genie power, Caden? Unlike starpiece magic, creations brought into reality by Genie magic don't fade away once we begin to get amorous. There is no irritating dusty or smoky grit from magically-formed objects that ends up crawling beneath your skin. I can make myself physically older. I can change the colour of my hair. You too. As long as we're in this room, we can do whatever we wish." I inhaled. Exhaled. "Anything we wish. I shan't hold back from you the most odd or elaborate request. Name your desires, and they shall be so."

His eyes darted sideways to the floor. "I don't think-"

"Caden," I whined, blinking back my tears.

"Anti-Cosmo-"

My formal, unaffectionate adult name.

"Good smoke, what do you want from me? Just take me already, you stupid twit!" I wrenched up my head, yanked him towards me by the shirt, and crushed his lips into mine. He was brass and onions and strawberries the same way all Anti-Fairies tasted, but there was something deeper. Anti-Kanin was owl feathers and lava drippings. Cool and fiery at the same time, fiercely independent but such a team leader, always willing to listen to me and gently lead the way, and I loved that.

Abruptly, I pulled back. This kiss was different than our others, though suddenly they were so long ago I'd almost forgotten. Anti-Kanin wasn't pushing back. He stared at me, blinking, like he couldn't figure out if I was mad at him or madly in love. I don't think I knew myself.

I gaped at him, my jaw trembling and shoulders heaving. Then I released his shirt and spun around. "Lohai, into the box. There's been a grave error. We have to go at once."

Not that I needed to ask her- she had already crawled in with her tail wrapped around her. I shut the lid, punctured a bit of corner with my claw, and dumped her smoke inside her lantern. The romantic atmosphere vanished with a shimmery chime of bells. My clothes reappeared on my person with comforting warmth. "Wait," Anti-Kanin said, reaching out to my shoulder. "Skipper, we can talk, find a compromise-"

I smacked his hand away before I even turned around. My height faded back down to normal. I didn't want a compromise. I wanted his everything. I spun on my heels, marched past him, whipped open the door…

… and took off down the corridor at a dead sprint. I shot past Anti-Shimmer, let the front door bang behind me, and I didn't turn back. Not for my magazines. Not for my clothes. Not for my shoes. Not for my wand. Not for a handkerchief when the first sob broke into the quiet night. Not for anything.

I just kept running.

Thus it was that in the quiet town of Mudhale, in a valley carved between the ashy cliffs, I met this anti-nix named Anti-Apollo Anti-Cairo. Probably a cross-Class relation of Dame Artemis, although at the time, I was too overwhelmed to notice. Gods, this drake had it all: Thick muscles, a tight stomach, enormous fangs, a drastic lift to his crown, a moustache, windswept hair, a delicious garlic flavour to his lips. You name it. I spilled everything to him - my divus displacement disorder, my acolyte training, my time in Liloei's lamp, my being Ilisa, my break-up with Anti-Kanin four days prior, all of it - and then snogged him in a gingertie tree behind the corner store. I sobbed through most of it, but I'd never felt more wanted in either of my lives.

I spent a week skirting the edges of his colony's territory and flirting with random passersby until Anti-Apollo found the time to slip away from his dull colony chores again. He'd never had a betrothed or partner of his own, and swore loyalty to me alone. Some people wouldn't find it romantic if someone sings with them in a gloomy, beetle-infested boarding house to a practical stranger in the middle of a rushed afternoon while sleepy pups wailed and cooks shouted to one another in three different languages a floor below, but I needed that. I needed someone to hold me while I cried, to whisper in my ear while I fell asleep with my claws curled in his chest fur. I just needed to feel okay.

How strange. The Anti-Fairy way of doing things was unfamiliar to me, even though I'd read books and watched my friends perform their act in detail up until now. I found that terribly amusing. To think, there were actually some things I of all people hadn't known about reproduction! Even as Anti-Apollo made his clumsy moves on me, fingers snagging in my hair and pulling at my crown all wrong, I was idly taking notes and calculating how to evoke that flurry of excited feelings in my other partners in the future. Hands there, lips there, such and such. Oh. So that's how it all fit together. Hm. Frankly, I'd expected to feel more of a… connection?

I mean, I enjoyed the experience- don't get me wrong. I just didn't feel… wholly involved? Like I wasn't riding the same eddy he was that night?

I don't know. Perhaps the Fairy in me missed the intimate sensation of drinking the energy field's magic through mutual breathing lines with a partner- my ancient drug. Technically Anti-Fairies could do that when paired to some degree, borrowing from their counterpart's contact with the energy field, but it just wasn't the same as the full raw experience, you know. Yes, that was possibly it.

"Is this how [things went] when you were Ilisa Prime?" Anti-Apollo mumbled when we'd decided to be finished. His wings wrapped tight around me like a scarf. He smeared his lips across my forehead, pausing just long enough to add, "Because if so, that's so smoofin' fritzy."

"What?" I stared up at him, the fur lifting on the back of my neck. My toes tightened around our roost. "Are you seriously asking that? Disregarding the fact that Fairies don't pair the way we do whatsoever, my Ilisa identity is long dead to me. As far as you're concerned, I'm an anti-fairy drake by the name of Anti-Cosmo. I wish to be known for my Anti-Cosmo style of doing things, you know what I mean?"

"You [move] like you could be Ilisa," he murmured into my hair. Yawning with satisfaction, he tightened his arms beneath my wings. "She had an accent too. Lived in the High South Region before the war split the sky…"

I leaned my head away from his chest, my mouth falling open in offence. But Anti-Apollo's wings locked me firmly in place, so with a huff, I gave up and snuggled up to him for a cosy bundle.

Still, I chewed on his comment for a long time before I finally drifted off into sleep. Oh, I know he meant it as a compliment. But it wasn't one. Not really. Not when it was underscored with the implication that the only reason he'd expressed any interest in me at all was because he planned to boast to his friends about the time he wooed a persona I hardly knew myself.

Ilisa.

He'd compared me to Ilisa Maddington, not twenty seconds following our tender separation! Or rather, his ideal of Ilisa. He didn't really know her. Not the way I did.

The thought nagged at me even in my restless dreams. So when we awoke and Anti-Apollo attempted to kiss my forehead, I cut ties with him and flew off where the weather was warmer. It seemed to hurt him deeply, but I was hurting too. Hmph. As I sliced across the sky with my limping Anti-Fairy wings, I stuffed my hands beneath the pits of my arms.

"I'm not your celebrity fantasy," I grumbled, shaking the hair from my eyes. "I've always been a person."

I flew a few loops, just trying to wrestle with my feelings on the matter. Yes, I was Ilisa reborn, but you don't go telling someone you envision them differently while you're charming them with song! First off, it's rude in and of itself, but it was also incredibly invalidating to realise that in his mind, Ilisa and Anti-Cosmo were different people.

Now, I'll be the first to admit that my Ilisa and Anti-Cosmo selves grew up in contrasting environments, and such opposite home lives and family genetics played a role in shaping my relationships with those respective worlds, but at my core, I was still the very same soul I'd been when I'd wandered the cloudlands nearly a million years ago. I was Ilisa. I was Anti-Cosmo. I'd existed before her and I would exist after him. I was both. We were one.

Clenching my eyes shut, I added to myself, "I'm simply borrowing a different body in this lifetime. One that happens to be that of an anti-fairy drake instead of a will o' the wisp damsel. Yes, I can walk on my own two legs now, and yes, this time around I've exchanged my venom sacs for fangs, my glorious height for stunted stature, and Fairy culture for Anti-Fairy ways, but I'm still me. Why is that so difficult to comprehend?"

I flew somewhere… and nowhere… and everywhere. Lohai and I spent an entire year on our own, gliding past the usual tourist sites in favour of lesser-known landmarks on the higher planes. Saying nothing. Eating nothing. Thinking nothing. Doing nothing. If ever a colony strayed nearby, I sought shelter instead of socialization, and that felt right. I collected rocks and leaves. I grew a plant in someone else's garden. We didn't visit either Cedarcross or Maplefeather even when my migration instincts screamed.

Then boredom grabbed me by the neck. I found a stick one day and began to poke at things. Odd red mud that lined an ink-black river. The nest of a bird so large it nearly didn't fit in its tree. A dead animal that hadn't yet decayed. Poking progressed to pushing things over, and suddenly I was back to visiting little towns and leaving a trail behind me. I didn't do anything to anyone that was more than what life itself might do to them. It's common to misplace a shovel or a coat or a child's toy. Sometimes livestock break free and packages lose their way and wells dry up when you've had 80,000 years without fresh rain. Keys get lost. Anyone could find them and ransack a home. Sometimes demon tamers forget to put their friends away.

… But one extraordinary day in that ordinary year, my attention shifted from causing hijinks to hunting chinks.

I'd tried not to make a habit of visiting Anti-Fergus and his anti-pixies, but the truth was, my brother lived with them now so I considered them an extended sort of family. When I watched Anti-Robin tussle with the scruffy green pups, my core never failed to ache. That's how they'd acted once upon a time with me. All the anti-pixies adored my brother, and even Dame Artemis would join in their games a time or two. Anti-Robin seemed content, like they had all they'd ever wanted.

I never allowed myself to stray close enough for them to hear, but I learned there was a certain gingertie tree in the surrounding woods where even a blue-furred anti-fairy like myself could blend into the shadows and still view the entire grove. That's where I was that fateful winter day when sudden shouting jolted me awake. The door to the largest house in Anti-Pixie Grove burst open and a blur of green and yellow shot down the steps and raced for the woods. The oldest one if I wasn't mistaken: Mister's counterpart, Ennet. His father was yelling and I heard my brother join in, but Ennet didn't stop running. Instead of waiting around, I flew after him.

The child had more stamina than I would have predicted. He didn't slow down for at least a quarter of an hour, and fell into a brisk trot after that. Every now and again he would check for pursuers, so I followed him in spurts from a careful distance. Several minutes in, I realised he was crying.

Ennet cut a diagonal course from Dragondrool Mountain to the Barrier, taking all the bridges over rivers and high roads that skirted cliffs instead of dropping into them, even when he had to veer far from his original path. Colour me intrigued- he had a destination in mind and he'd been this way many times before. He didn't seem capable of flying, or at least didn't want to. He chose rocks and grass over dirt whenever possible. Someone certainly didn't want to leave a trail behind. The green glow of the nearby Barrier cast him in a sickly, almost yellowish light.

Since curiosity had overtaken me, I kept my attention on him the whole time. Then, between pulses of my echolocation, Ennet vanished completely. I blinked, throwing all my attention back to my vision. To my absolute shock, I could just make out a small dark blur hurrying away from me now- on the opposite side of the Barrier.

"Oh?"

I waited until Ennet had vanished into the ipewood trees on the wall's other side. Then I flew down to the place I'd last seen him standing. I couldn't sense anyone watching me on either side of the Barrier. Even the animals had fallen quiet. After a moment of studying the ground, I spotted a footprint in the scuffed-up cinders and ashes. How very interesting. I touched my hand to the Barrier above it, but the glowing wall remained solid beneath my hand. My eyes trailed to the traitorous print again. It showed only the toes of the culprit, not the heel, but it was a footprint all the same. Who would have walked like that?

I wonder…

I knelt in the dust, sliding my hand down the wall with me. It was solid all the way to the ground and in both directions as far as I was willing to reach. No crawlspace. I sat back on my heels in disappointment, sulking and staring at that footprint.

Then I snapped up my head. I flashed back to my feet, this time patting above my eye-level rather than below. On my third tap, my hand passed all the way through the wall.

"Oh my gods," I whispered. I closed and opened my fist several times, delighting in the sensation of warm Fairy World air dancing on my skin. I felt around the edges of the gap. I hadn't the foggiest idea how Ennet had ever found a chink in the Barrier this deep in the woods and this high above his head, but regardless… it was here. It was real.

"I've heard rumours, Lohai," I murmured, unclipping her lantern from my belt. "They say there's always one chink in the Barrier - always - and that if ever the Fairy Council patches it up, a new one appears elsewhere in the wall. How many people know of this one, I wonder…?"

Gently, I reached through the gap and let her lantern drop to the springy purple grass below. I myself had to kick and scramble in order to fit, tucking my wings in the tightest they'd ever gone, but I was just small enough to make it through. I couldn't help my giggles. I tumbled to the ground, wrapping my stomach in my arms. Gold and white ipewood trees stretched in both directions as far as I could see. A blue and purple sky twinkled at me like a long-lost friend.

"We're free, my darling! Fairy World awaits us, no Friday the 13th required." Snatching up her lantern, I pushed myself up and spread my wings in full. "Now we'll really have some fun~"