Frayed Knots

by FountainPenguin

"It's not my problem if you're embarrassed, Anti-Cosmo," H.P. said as I hugged my shoulders. He scratched his chin. "Hm. I suppose there's no help for it. If you honestly and truly want to wear a hat, then you'll have to secure a high position of power so no one ever dares to say anything about it that's negative in the least." (Written August 2016 - Ongoing)

32. Forecast

A/N - Minor content warning towards the end of this chapter for a conversation that mentions contraceptives and vaguely references body parts in the process (It comes after the Rhoswen syndrome mention). Still within the T rating, but a little higher on the T scale.

(Posted April 28th, 2023)

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Forecast

In which Anti-Cosmo goes out to lemonade with his fairy friends, then has a private talk with Blonda in the Winter of the Scattered Whispers

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The two weeks leading up to migration season were some of the longest in my entire immortal life. And yes, I say that even as a drake who spent 68,000 years of his childhood stuck inside a genie's lamp. Professors are asked not to require heavy exams outside of the Leaves years, so my semester had been burdened with essays, pop quizzes, and research assignments that frankly left me washed up and wilted. And even though I passed most of my classes with flying colours, that single star grade from Dm. Fallenleaf haunted my conscious mind. It didn't matter, somehow, that Blonda had received an equally poor score on her final essay. I tried to tell myself she was a fairy, that I too had misunderstood the assignment and deserved my failing grade, and yet…

I genuinely think my low score was thrust upon me because I'm an Anti-Fairy. Am I allowed to report this? My student handbook doesn't exactly detail step by step instructions for protesting against this sort of thing.

I didn't feel like I could. Every time I considered approaching the school staff, I imagined they'd cite Blonda's low score as evidence that I wasn't being unfairly singled out. I don't know… I don't invest enough time and research in politics that immediately affect me. Somehow, it always seemed easier to campaign for Council Robes than to stand directly in front of someone and explain why I was hurting. I think… For Anti-Fairies, verbalising that distress can be a challenge.

Funny. Everyone in my creche knew exactly how peeved I was by my low score. I didn't do a thing to hide it, and they offered all their comforts until the tears I was wiping off weren't ones of pain anymore. And yet… Blonda herself? The one who ought to have been my "companion in crime?" … I hung out with her (to use the modern term) the following day because we had our potion making class together. But the skim through the hallway, the two hours of preparing our cauldron, the little campus bakery we stopped by afterward… Well, she rambled on and I spoke back as best I could, but I largely didn't know what to say.

See, Blonda had an intense personality at the best of times, though the way she carried it - sort of stifling herself and backing down fast - made it clear she was still recovering from a lifetime of being suppressed by her family and forced to play a softer role. Fairies have never looked fondly on twins, and particularly younger twins… I think lookalikes remind them far too much of their Anti-Fairy counterparts. Blonda fell on the side of those who flap their wings widely when frustrated. As we exited the bakery and stepped out on the sparkly pink walking path, I stayed slightly ahead of her. This gave me the opportunity to busy myself with soft pings of echolocation. So, I simply tried not to say anything that might offend. At least… up until I was nearing the end of my pumpkin bread snack. When Blonda's ramblings drew to a lull, I turned on my heel and began walking backwards instead.

"Blonda, can I offer you some genuine advice?"

She tugged the collar of her pale blue coat, looking faintly rosy as the true extent of her chatter settled in. "I'll always take it from you, Anti-Cosmo."

"Never change."

Evidently, this wasn't the advice she'd been anticipating. She jolted at the shoulders. Her fingers squeezed around the cinnamon roll in her hands (which had already been tossed around quite a bit in all her waving, I might add). "I beg your pardon?"

"Don't cease airing your grievances to trusted friends who support you, even if you don't receive any touches in return. An Anti-Fairy wouldn't normally do this sort of thing with a Fairy- as in, seeking comfort and using only words… And yet, you make speaking to you so easy that I myself have confessed my cultural frustrations to you - touchless - and felt mostly better after it." I smiled at her thinly. Blonda stared back at me with eyes stretched wide. "What I'm saying is, you're allowed to feel disheartened. I applaud you for seeking friends who value your company, strive to lift your spirits, and hurt when you hurt. I promise… Healing will come in time."

Blonda released her cinnamon roll, keeping it airborne with a spark of energy, and gathered her hair in a loose pegasustail. "Oh, you always sound so sure of yourself."

"Believe me, I'm not."

"Well, never change. You sound confident. Though I don't mind saying, as a friend… You might want to consider a wardrobe upgrade. You've been wearing the same signature outfit since lower school."

I looked down at my sleeveless shirt - the black one featuring a simplified version of the Anti-Fairy zodiac - and hummed in thought. As a culture, Fairies oft preferred to nail down a specific "look" for themselves at the start of an Aurora Fairyalis cycle. They'd fill their wardrobes with numerous of the same outfits and stick to them like sprites to fur. The aurora hits every 5,000 years and I'd been wearing identical versions of my favourite sleeveless top for the last three. It hadn't bothered me while I was out of school and travelling regularly, but if I intended to stay in one place much longer, Blonda had a point. "Yes, I suppose I'm not an adolescent anymore… Perhaps I'll look into that next year. After migration season." Migration would be a nice time to catch up on a little reading. I hadn't read a fashion book in 10,000 years or more.

I'd been using this same look since Mickey Peridot was still alive. That thought made my stomach scootch into a little corner. His death felt so recent and yet so far away.

Blonda nodded. "And your shorts are getting short… unless that's intentional. I don't judge."

Hm. Her lighthearted tone made my ears twitch. "How do you mean?"

"Your, ah… slip is showing."

I glanced over myself again, this time more critically, and realised she was right. I really don't know how the Seelie do it, but proper Zodii Anti-Fairies, at least, always wear single-piece undergarments the same colour as our element on the zodiac. If we wore it in separate pieces, it would be far more likely to bunch or flop and become terribly uncomfortable when we hang upside-down. The hem of my water-blue leg sleeve just barely stuck out below the hem of my shorts. I tugged the white fabric down automatically, then shrugged at Blonda. "Yes, I may be outgrowing this look in more ways than one… I've really not made fashion a focus of my life. Any suggestions?"

As I stood admiring myself, Blonda leaned far to one side, apparently sizing me up from this new tilted angle. Then she nodded. "A suit. A black one, I think… unless you find a nice option in navy blue. You've got the monocle to pull off a classy gentledrake's look if you just freshen up your clothes."

I made a face. I wore the monocle because glasses weren't made to sit upon Anti-Fairy ears. Some years ago I did try switching back, but so many of my peers bombarded me, asking why I bothered to wear two lenses when I'm blind in my left eye, so I quickly gave that up. True, my preferred monocle might work as a smashing accent to the right outfit, but did I even want to bother? Was that style for me? "Dressing daily would be a pain, luv… I'll have to think about it."

Still, perhaps she had a point. I dressed in ragged clothing on the daily, and like many Anti-Fairies, I walked around barefoot to allow easier access to roosts. With my visibly large claws, my protruding fangs, and tall bat-like ears… Perhaps there were more features than my fur colour that made Fairies think of me as a scrubby and backwards individual. I should invest in a nice pair of gloves for my hands. I could discard my well-worn zodiac clothes and try something posh instead. I could even start wearing shoes. I might look more like a well-educated school attendee then. And maybe then, my teachers wouldn't fail me.

How fortunate that I have magic, I thought anyway. It makes dressing so much easier. Buttons, buckles, and cravats would be a nightmare to don if I didn't. I didn't even care if it cost me wand credits. I'm a noble. I don't worry about money. How much could one session of dressing cost anyhow?

While walking with Blonda was a nice distraction, my one-star grade continued to haunt me. And Blonda wasn't my only confidant. I voiced many of my frustrations to Jasmine, combing her tangled fur… I didn't think my struggles worth the time, money, or travel hassle required to visit Dr. Holly Applespark regularly again, but I must say that Jasmine had no doubt become the best gift I'd ever been given. While she may not have had the professional therapy training of a doctor, I found her undeniably comforting when at my lowest points… I often wavered with regret over my abandonment of the Blue Castle in my younger years. Poor creature. Alas, what a fate, to be given to a drake who needed you, but had become far too swept up in the thrills of young adulthood that he'd flown off with a bachelor colony and hadn't returned home for centuries, hm?

What a year… Both in regards to my emotions and to the strain on my physical body. Track and field, to put it bluntly, is not my thing.

Jasmine gave me all the courage she could offer. I hadn't been looking forward to the end of the semester for one particular reason: gym class. Or more specifically, our field day analyses. Now, I can plank and climb just fine. I'm elegant in the air despite having one bad wing (and I always thrive in the corkscrew contest with my wild spins). I win the upside-down bar hang every year. I'm a skilled fencer on top of it. But running? Track and field may as well be track and yield for me, and I'd rather not discuss how abysmal my pole vaulting skills have always been. Oh, my mother would be ashamed of me… which is why I'd never told them they, like all the other parents, were invited to the school fields to witness the experience. Technically Anti-Bryndin was invited too, seeing as the Fairy legal system counts him as my step-father instead of a former creche father, but the only Anti-Fairies he's likely to watch are his own son and daughter. Even then he likely won't show up every year. I wouldn't. Fairies can be a rowdy crowd… particularly where sports are concerned. Hm.

Anyway, call me stereotypical for an Anti-Fairy if you must, but I don't really get why field day has to be such a public event. It's the Fairies and their bloody obsession with dominance… That's where all of this comes from. It's required for all of us every year, and very few students in history have ever wiggled their way out of it. At least, that's what Coach Briskwell says, and I'm quite certain his muscles are real.

I need at least four stars in this class to hit my semester benchmarks… If I only manage three, I won't qualify for high-level classes next term. I had written essays, aced quizzes, done all my reading, and collaborated on two not-insignificant projects this semester alone… but gym class had rapidly dissolved into a nightmare. Frankly, it had always been my weakest area.

So… I joined the rest of my peers, standing on a glowing outline in the trim purple grass. Arms crossed. Many of the Fairies had come shirtless, but I clung on to my sleeveless shirt. Grass cuts hurt quite a bit, and I didn't particularly want mud tangling in the fur of my underbelly.

But the trials were held outside on the field. Wanda and Blonda came to support me, as did my entire creche and a friend I'd made in one of my other classes. And Jorgen. He didn't even attend Carl Poofypants and I couldn't fathom why he was here, until I noticed Binky Abdul doing stretches at the end of the row. That figured. I rolled my eyes. Jorgen… He wore his soul on his sleeve when he had it bad for anyone, from gynes to the Tooth Fairy. I swear, sometimes I wonder if he's even a genuine von Strangle.

When my turn came for evaluation, Anti-Lance called out his support from the bench he sat on. Blonda picked up the call, clapping loudly, with a slightly more reluctant Wanda behind her and Juandissimo politely behind them both. I don't know if anyone scoffed at them for it… I simply wanted to acknowledge that they clapped for an Anti-Fairy. I haven't forgotten that.

I did well enough, I suppose. I took home exactly the number of stars I'd needed and expected and no more than that. I could accept my fate. I'd never claimed to be the very best in all aspects of school. After my physical fitness trials, I kept to myself for a couple of days. See, we were snared in that in-between when Winter Turn had ended and all the Fairies were hovering on their toes for the green light to abandon school for January's semester break. The Fairy calendar doesn't align perfectly with the Anti-Fairy one, but some years the stars align and we celebrate in ways that suit everyone's schedule.

Frankly? I don't even know why the authorities bother keeping students in school two weeks after the season changes. The timing just leaves everyone anxious and no one learns a thing. Meanwhile, we Anti-Fairies were basking in simple pleasures like bitter cocoa drinks… the last ones we'd have the chance to try before a long flight to the mountains. Three and a half weeks, I think, is not nearly enough time to be away from school. As much as I adore my classes, they demand far too much of my energy for my preferences at times.

And yet… In spite of all this… In spite of my other classes, my distractions, my peers, or the polite words I'd used in my attempts to console Blonda… I could not shake the ruling of that single star from my brain.

Failure. Failure. Failure.

I'd worked my ruddy tail off on that essay.

One night, while I groomed her fur with a large plastic comb, Jasmine twitched her whiskers at me in distaste. We lay together under Anti-Lance's array, she with her long body stretched out while I sought the words to fit my hesitations. I couldn't find them. Not really, anyway… Just a whole lot of awkward fumbling over how I didn't trust myself to speak with confidence, and didn't trust the dean to treat my protests seriously at all.

Jasmine licked her heavy forepaws and told me Fairy World wanted me to make excuses for my poor treatment. Me! I didn't know what to say to that, and picked tree branches and laundry lines from her pelt in silence.

"You're approved to be here," Jasmine reminded me. She butted her head against the curve of my neck, nuzzling, purring… "You were invited here, Anti-Cosmo."

Wouldn't that be nice if I was? Ta. "Anti-Bryndin selected me as his guinea pig to test the waters of Fairy schooling before he sent his children here to get an education. Let's not mince words about it, darling." I pulled my crown lower over my eyes then, still brushing out her fur with my other hand. "I am not desirable for my own personality, my own accomplishments, but only for the position that I hold." Alas, the cruel fate of it all… I did not approach the dean with my complaints.

Monday eve had traditionally been used for study night with Blonda. With nothing to study, we'd called it off. In place of it, with classes now behind us, Blonda extended a formal invitation for me to accompany her out for lemonade. You see, this was the night Juandissimo and Wanda would be reunited after a semester mostly apart. I don't quite understand the significance, seeing as they went out on dates every other week as it was, but I digress.

"I don't know," was my first backpedalled answer when Blonda came on Sunday to drop the invitation off. It wasn't overly formal, per se, but she'd handwritten a small card for me in her adorable swirling script that expressed her genuine desire for me to come along. We floated in the corridor outside my room. Dimly lit. I scratched my arm, avoiding her gaze for the most part. What little light there was reflected perfectly off Blonda's chin to give her a look of sunken eyes, pretty pursed lips, and heavy lashes. She wore a frilly blouse the same colour as the sky I'd seen in my Earth Studies texts: that incredibly rare tint of pale blue that only the earliest of Anti-Fairy smoke and body unions ever end up with.

I should add that Blonda always carried an energy when she wanted something of you. She leaned against my door frame, utterly preventing me from shutting it or shooing her away. This made it so, so incredibly obvious to my fellow Anti-Fairies that I had a fairy at the door, and I could sense all four of my six roommates who were in that night frozen in self-conscious reluctance behind me. We'd all learned, by this age, how vehemently Fairies react when we cross boundary lines invisible to Anti-Fairy senses. There's very little way to know where they'll draw the line, and you often interact with them not knowing whether you're drawing them closer or turning them away. Pity, that.

I ran my claws through my hair and cursed my failing tongue. It was only Blonda before me, after all. An incredibly pretty figure she made, particularly in the frilly-sleeved blouse… It clung tightly enough to her breast that it showed a little something or other through the fabric that she likely didn't intend to put on display. But of course, I didn't tell her that. I kept my cool. I am a gentledrake, after all.

"I'm sorry; who's the host of this event?"

Blonda tipped her head to one side. "The host? Um… Well, Juandissimo's taking my sister out for snacks to celebrate the semester's end. It'll be just us and a few friends. If money is a concern, I'd be happy to pay for your glass and plate."

I winced. Money talk… "It isn't that. Put simply, I don't feel I know your sister as well as I know you. And I frankly don't think it wise of me to spend much time around Juandissimo at all. I have a freckled past." I would rather not know if he'd discovered my theft of his frozen eggs from the Eros Nest a few centuries ago, actually. I hadn't seen him all semester, but each time Wanda returned from a meeting with him, I fretted he may have told her things that I would rather keep to myself. No, I didn't need that news getting out… The experiment had fallen to shambles in my hands anyway. I certainly didn't need any rumours of what I may or may not be doing behind closed doors floating around the high school now.

Blonda's powder-pink eyes darkened near rose when I said that. That look of her glaring at me, leaning in the doorway, would have made a fantastic painting, I think. One you could write an essay about, her blouse loose over one shoulder so you could see the edge of her resting wing peeking through her sleeve, behind her arm. My jaw went slightly slack to look at it. Blonda's creamy, milk-pale skin glistened beneath the torches. Faint hairs sprouted from her arm, but not in the same thick way that an Anti-Fairy's did… No, not like mine at all. I'd seen more fairy arms than I could count, but to stare through a gap in her shirt fabric and study her wing glinting straight through from the other side… The thick layer of fairy dust coating her wing filled every swirl upon it with a rainbow glimmer. I played one finger against the base of my cravat, drinking in the pretty sight. Fairies, I think, take their wings far too much for granted. They're worth so much more than mere appendages to fly with…

"Anti-Cosmo?" Blonda waved her hand back and forth before my eyes, snapping me out of my reverie. I shook my head, blowing a gust of air between my lips.

"Y-yes? What is it?"

"Did one of them say something out of line to you?"

Out of line? And who was 'them?' Fairies in general? Her friends at the party? I hadn't been listening. The little apple in my throat bobbed up and down. I meant Wanda and Juandissimo no ill will. "No, no, luv… I simply don't… I can't…"

"Can't what?" Blonda demanded, her wings giving one sturdy flap. Rainbows leapt across the walls, flashing like agitated candle flames. At the sight of her bare shoulder combined with the whisking rainbows, I nearly lost my smoke. "Did some shop owner bully you?"

It took me a few seconds to process the question. My mind had been elsewhere. "Ah… No, aggression has nothing to do with it; please don't threaten anyone on my behalf."

"It's just lemonade," she argued, stubbornly setting her heels. The painting shifted until oil on canvas would no longer be my preferred medium to capture her look with. Something rougher, like sandpaper, maybe… Something that bites you back. "My sister and her boyfriend want to keep it casual. Only me and a few of her close friends will be there. This isn't pizza and bowling."

"I know, darling, I know… Believe me, I'd like to. It just wouldn't be proper right now."

"Well, why not? Come on, you cheeky drake… loosen up for a night. You can invite Anti-Saffron too. It wouldn't bother me."

(From the noisy shift in the energy field's tone, I sensed that behind me, Anti-Lance and the others were all wondering what gave Blonda the right to be bothered by a second Anti-Fairy anyway. I rubbed my nose cautiously, trying not to pinch my brow.)

"I don't think it's you I need to be concerned about bothering, darling. It's Juandissimo as the host. And Wanda as guest of honour. It's tamsõsita between myself and each of them… Accepting a secondhand invitation to socialise would be too forward, you know what I mean?"

Blonda never did know what I mean, I think. She always tried to determine answers, but only so much of an Anti-Fairy's experiences can be taught via conversation. Too much of it will never be understood unless it's lived.

"Oh," said Blonda. Maybe she couldn't understand to my same degree, but I know she was trying… or at least I want to believe she's decent enough to do her very best. She tugged gently at her blouse's hem. That pulled the fabric away from her breasts, and I blinked and finally met her gaze for longer than a few seconds without feeling tingly and squirmy inside. Recalculating swiftly, she jutted her chin at me. Still leaning on the door frame the entire time. "You specified my sister and her boyfriend… while I'm the one who's delivering the invitation. Does this mean you consider me a closer friend than they are? Would it make a difference if I was the one hosting the lemonade gathering instead of one of them?"

Ta, mate… I grimaced, tightening my hands into fists. Now, I should clarify that Mona wasn't in our room tonight, having gone out for groceries with Anti-Blade, but it didn't stop me from imagining her presence. My dame's sharp eyes became impossible to ignore on the back of my neck, actually. I could almost hear her talons scraping the bark of the tree she roosted from.

Fear.

Mona never did like my friendship with Magnifico or the Fairywinkle twins. I think she suspected they might lure me deeper and deeper into Fairy World, away from the border, and I'd be too far gone before she caught wind to haul me back. As I floated before Blonda, idly drawing the shape of her body in my mind's eye, I had to admit the thought did tempt me greatly. Why shouldn't it? I'd always admired the crisp leaves, sharp grass, and overall shimmer of Fairy World. Even its unavoidable smell of flowers, sweat, and overlapping pheromones didn't turn me away. Is it so wrong to give into daydreams instead of nightmares? Is it wrong to fantasise of thin, crystal-like fairy wings in place of my clunky own?

I pulled the door slightly more closed behind me. This effectively cut Blonda partially from inside my apartment without committing to a full block. Then, lowering my voice, I said, "Erm, Blonda, darling… You must understand that it isn't particularly appropriate to voice these thoughts aloud, and especially as a damsel. Intimacy is a sensitive concept best expressed through careful touch. Or you might point at symbols and words to clarify details, but you shouldn't speak of matters such as the soul's relationships so freely with your mortal tongue… That's what poetry is for."

"I don't need a touch," Blonda insisted, and to my stunned frustration, she stepped forward - like an Anti-Fairy - in her attempt to de-escalate the situation. Standing straight in front of me, looking down her extra few centimetres at me, my long anti-brownie nose bumping between us, she asked, "Would you come to this affair if I were hosting it? Really, I won't make you come to this one if you don't want to. I just want to know for future plans. I'll host all the upcoming parties if it means you'll come. I mean, if the only reason you won't is because Wanda or Juandisimo are hosting otherwise… I can do it. I want you to feel welcome around us. You're my friend.

"U-um…"

Jasmine pushed her way out of my room before I could say anything more than stuttered noises. The jaguar-sized cat sith took a steady position between Blonda and me, forcing her to step back along the corridor. Carpet squished beneath her tiny feet. Black fur gleamed in the glow of the fairy lights. When Jasmine spoke, her question floated straight over to me.

"Would you like me to escort you inside your room, Anti-Cosmo?"

I nodded, struggling with the words too much to force them from my throat. Jasmine pressed against me and guided my body through the doorway. I clamped my claws in the cat sith's fur. Blonda said nothing else, apart from the silver blessings in farewell. Inside the room, Anti-Lance glanced over at me. He was hanging his coat on the back of our lonely desk chair.

"Is that dame giving you any trouble, Anti-Cosmo?" He arched a brow at me, extending his wing to one side. "You're in my creche. I don't shy away from the responsibilities that entails. If she's harassing you, you only need to say the word."

I shook my head, physically and emotionally dripping with sweat. "No, no… Thank you, Anti-Lance. Blonda means no harm. Her only fault is in thinking she knows more of our culture than she does, and believing it's her right to demand I adhere to hers. In her mind, she's extending hospitality. I'm not ungrateful to her for trying."

Anti-Lance gave a slight thoughtful nod. Then he pointed at the chesberry tree on the far side of the room. "I'm pruning the dead branches off the array tonight. Anti-Blade is out… Would you be able to assist in his place?"

"… Anti-Blade is out?"

"Getting groceries."

"Oh," I said, and glanced away. With Mona. They'd gone together. I knew that. I didn't forget. Anti-Fairies don't forget anything. My hands tightened slightly at my sides, but I said nothing more on the subject. Only, "Yes, all right. I've never pruned a live array before, so just show me where to slice."

Anti-Lance nodded. "It's simple once you know what to look for. Some of the Eros Nest Anti-Fairies taught me this over migration. I never had to learn before then; the Anti-Sundive colony has always roosted in caves, not trees. I'll teach you what I know."

I wished he hadn't mentioned the Eros Nest Anti-Fairies. Perhaps it was because I'd just seen Blonda face to face, but the image of her counterpart Anti-Wendy immediately popped into my head. I remembered the way she'd cozied up to me, batting her lashes. Flirting with me in spite of being Anti-Binky's damsel. I still didn't regret that I'd become kaoas with her, you know. Or any of those damsels, actually. I'd spoken frequently to Anti-Wendy and held her body against mine and known her intimately up to Stage 5… and I didn't regret a lick of it. I'd never felt more like an Anti-Fairy in my life than when I lived among the Nest. Nice damsels. Anti-Wendy especially. In fact, if she ever asked me to flaunt our kaoas relationship, I wouldn't be ashamed. The fact that she lives in the Nest doesn't devalue that connection we have.

I glanced around our darkened room, notably void of Mona and her growling judgments. Hmm… I stuffed my hands in the pockets of my trousers, tongue in my cheek, as I walked over to join Anti-Lance under the branches of the array. He cracked his fingers, preparing to pick up the first pruning tool.

"The Eros Nest Anti-Fairies, Father? I've made more than a few acquaintances with their lot in my time. Might I ask, who taught you the skill?" He handed me an axe then; I took it and nearly plunged towards the floor beneath its weight. Nonetheless, I smiled all the while. "And, pray tell, what was the context in teaching you tree pruning? Did you slip off at migration to sing with a Nest dame? You cheeky man."

"Anti-Kathy taught me."

"I recall her. She's quite pretty, isn't she? I remember the jet black waterfall of her hair. I'd have sung with her myself if Anti-Indigo would have let me get away with it."

Anti-Lance turned suddenly then, face cold as brick, and I nearly dropped the axe. His wings flapped once, stretching sideways. Uh-oh. Instinctively, I took a step closer. Anti-Lance left his wings as they were. Scowling.

"Anti-Cosmo, you're overstepping… I said only that she taught me how to care for the trees. Don't pry further or assume anything about our relationship that I haven't volunteered."

I averted my gaze, twisting the head of the axe against the floor. It made a good walking stick. The metal was dauntingly heavy. Anti-Lance had grown far more muscled than I, and I'd hoped he'd be the one to use it on the tree. I could barely lift it. "Erm… I didn't know you were sensitive discussing such trivial matters, Father. I won't pry again."

"Well," Anti-Lance muttered, "it's not trivial to me. I don't want to hear about your escapades. And I don't want your commentary falling on mine. Just… don't joke about my relationships. I'm sensitive about that sort of thing."

"As you wish, Father."

We settled our split on the manner in the traditional way. Me… apologising. Then Anti-Lance took the axe back from me, apparently since he'd realised I was struggling with it. He went to work. I sighed and threw myself right in there with him as best as I could, both of us with our sleeves rolled up to the elbows. I picked branches off the floor when he hacked at them. We didn't make much progress, but it took my mind off Blonda for at least a short while.

That was Sunday. On Monday, I decided to attend the lemonade social after all. It was at a little place in town. Not far. Classy exterior with pretty pink windows and a turquoise roof. Blonda had invited me despite not being the host, but she'd had permission to do so, I think. That's how I rationalised it in my mind. But Blonda had not invited Mona, nor my creche father. I clasped a second wand to my calf, hidden under my trouser legs, and went by myself.

Jasmine came, as she was allowed to, for I'd have been anxious to leave her behind while proceeding into the heart of a Fairy social event. And I had my box of demon-summoning powder, in case of any pinch. This, I kept in one of the inside pockets of my coat, along with the rest of my tools. I felt much better dressed like this, wearing my things. True, perhaps I hadn't dressed up as primly and properly as Blonda would have hoped, but I'd develop my preferred style over time. I tugged the front of my coat twice, looking at the door of the lemonade powder shop, and gave a nod.

"Okay… I'm ready."

When I stepped through the door - only to be whacked with the sound of piano keys dancing in the energy field, mind - conversation faltered inside. Jasmine tried to push through behind me, her large body slinking. But I stopped moving. The hackles stiffened on the back of my neck.

They're all looking at me.

It's the worst part of being an anxious anti-fairy. You are blue. You don't get to pretend you're invisible in a crowd. Everyone is looking at you, no matter what advice out there urges you to believe no one's watching in your high school years. I told myself this was because few had seen a cat sith of Jasmine's muscled size before and not because there was such shock in finding an Anti-Fairy in this place. The lemonade powder shop stood within reasonable flying distance of Carl Poofypants. It was marked within the boundaries of my map. I was permitted to be here.

There's a difference, I think, between where you are permitted to go and where you are truly welcome. I fought to keep my wings steady. My limp felt catastrophically obvious with every beat. I chose to land and walk the rest of the way, tucking in my wings, just to prove to everyone that Anti-Fairies weren't so different and I wasn't about to roost upside-down in this shop when tables and chairs were positioned here on the ground. In Anti-Fairy World, we mostly favour low tables with cushions for seats. It says something about us in modern times, I think, that the Blue Castle does not follow this layout anymore. The grand hall and camarilla court's dining room have long been replaced with standing tables, standing chairs, because that's what our Fairy visitors came to expect. There are still many pureblood fairies like Jorgen running about, too large for low tables if they were to kneel.

The lemonade shop had probably been packed the entire night. That would explain so many Fairies bunched together in line. Some part of me suspected Wanda had wheedled her way into snagging one of the only tables in the bar by flaunting her Fairywinkle name. Powder blue and pastel pink dominated the decorations, making me blink as I tried to pick up a read on the flow of energy in the room. Too crowded. Too loud. Crooked wall decorations… Tables that didn't align in the same direction as the square tiles on the floor.

Sigh. I hiked up my britches (which I'd worn today, just to avoid another undergarment slip-up in public) and moved forward. Jasmine followed, silent and prowling. I heard her wings flicker against her back.

Left foot. Right foot. Left foot… I made my way across the black and white chequered floor, stepping only on the black tiles. I think some of the shop patrons were watching me. I grit my fangs, proceeding anyway, even knowing that I looked a fool. I was doing this for their own peace of mind. Bad luck doesn't travel over black flooring. White conducts it. Even looking at the unbroken stream of white tiles set my hair on end. More than they already were, anyway. I felt like my claws might be chipping with how tightly I had them balled in fists.

Dangerous game they play in here… One false step on that and all the negative energy in this room would come crashing down on me.

Wanda, Juandissimo, and Blonda had nestled themselves a little too far in the back corner of the shop for my liking, but I couldn't blame them. It seemed every table in the front of the shop had been overtaken by bigger, louder fairies than the three of them. Such was the nature of dominance in Fairy World, but this group of friends could not be deterred. My ears twitched left and right, drinking in the muddled gurgle of energy field noises. Awful… Frankly awful. Not nearly as painful as what I'd experienced in the public shower house, but really… How hard is it to add a few plants or wooden accent items to your interior design in order to balance such a Breath-heavy space?

I did not recognize either the pastel blue-haired or the brightly red-haired fairy dames sitting next to Wanda, but they must have been friends from other classes. I studied them momentarily, trying to fathom what their Anti-Fairies might look like, but only drew a blank. I don't believe we've ever met.

Pleasant introductions were made, or at least I made an effort to appear pleasant in front of them all. The blue-haired fairy went by Cotton and the red one was Marveen. They looked at me with interest. Perhaps a little too much interest. I will be entirely truthful and say that they hung a little too heavily on my every word… Both found it a little too funny when Wanda made some comment about raising a family and holding a job at the same time someday, and I quipped back, "You may as well take my advice. I certainly don't plan on using it." The pair erupted into giggles. Wanda blushed lightly, but I don't believe I caused offence.

But then, that's always the downside in being a genius, hm? You immediately become the most interesting person in the room. I've heard it said that a man wastes his time in attending social events wherein that's the case, but when an invitation arrives, what else is a desirable gentledrake to do?

Wanda and Juandissimo were experiencing their first reunion in at least four days, which meant they had to make the entire affair over the top in their hugs and hand squeezes. It gave the rest of us opportunity to discuss, at least. For example, Cotton turned to me with fluttering lashes and asked about "my genie."

"She's my friend," I corrected, holding my lemonade glass below my lips. "Something of a niece to me, really… The daughter of a dear friend of mine."

"Wanda said you'd interned at the Eros Nest so your genie could meet a man. Is that true?"

I shrugged my wings as I sipped my drink… not sure whether her question felt off putting or whether I was simply relieved I didn't have to entertain questions of life in Anti-Fairy World in front of people I barely knew. "My internship was practically fated the moment I fell in with genies. Her name is Lohai. She's pregnant now; it's still four years before the new litter of candles will be born."

Cotton and Marveen nodded earnestly and shifted the conversation to musing about the life of genies throughout the universe. I'd noticed that all throughout our small talk that night (which had included us standing in line together), they kept casting glances my way. It didn't seem to me like Wanda noticed. When I turned my head at one point in the conversation, however, I made eye contact with Blonda. This spurred her dangling wings into jumping. Ah. Watching me, then? She grimaced and folded them back into place, both hands resting in her fuzzy coat pockets.

You good? she probed me with her eyes, and I smiled thinly in response. My fingers tightened in Jasmine's thin fur.

Fine. Well, not 'fine…' but rather, 'used to it.' Anti-Fairies out in public always attract stares in Fairy World. In fact, as I watched, one of the large fairies at the table next to us set his finger on top of their salt shaker and deliberately tipped it over. Blonda, who sat closer to them, felt the jolt in the energy field before I did and recognized exactly what it was. Wanda and Juandissimo both jumped. But Blonda spun around, up and out of her chair, all four wings flared to either side. She shoved her palms into his shoulder so hard, he fell to the tiles.

"Blitz you," she spat in the big drake's face. Frankly I think it would be disingenuous to censor her. My wings twitched forward, Jasmine watched me closely, but I didn't get out of my seat. I sipped my lemonade, saying nothing. Blonda whirled back and threw herself into her chair in a huff. Wanda eyed the three fairies at the other table, all of whom looked a little more ashamed than angry. Then she looked at me.

"That doesn't count?"

"Count for what?" I asked, and Wanda made a swirling motion with her finger.

"Don't you have to give them bad luck for that?"

I looked at Wanda, at the fairies, then at Wanda again. Would it be… offensive of me to answer that question? I thought Seelie Courters could sense energy movements in the field, including the bodies of those sitting behind them. Did she miss the hand motion? "Um… No, that was an intended spill. Intentional salt spills don't exactly count as 'bad luck.' Either size or quantity would have to be enormous to trigger the instinctive pull. Otherwise, I'd be in and out of my seat every time anyone salted their food. Unless it's in bulk, the universe wouldn't know how to differentiate between the two situations."

"They'd better not pull that again," Blonda muttered into her hand.

Blonda was a realist. That's what I'd come to know about her. You could hand her a rocket launcher perfectly aimed, tell her to shoot for the moon, and she'd still hesitate to fire. It made a planner out of her and I admired that. But Wanda? Ha. Wanda saw the world for its roses. Now, I adored Wanda… I loved the songs she strummed on her guitar when I on occasion studied in Blonda's apartment, I loved the several piercings around her ears, loved the snippets of her novels she sometimes passed around for feedback, and loved the crystal pins of Fairy World landmarks she wore proudly on her backpack. She's fun, goofy, and spritely with an attitude of dignity, maturity, and poise to boot. But I highlight those moments during gym class and our lemonade social because both speak dearly to their souls: Blonda comes up with fascinating ideas, Wanda knows the who and how and when required to pull it off, and while Wanda tended to come across as natural sounding in conversation, it was Blonda who always kept an eye on me to determine if I was doing 'fine' in social situations like this. And yet, Wanda will be the first one to notice and tend to any physical wound I may pick up on the side, and choosing favourites between the twins simply seems a tad bit rude. Frankly, I saw a great deal of myself in Wanda… A more confident version of myself with none of the anxiety that plagued my daily life.

But the conversation did at last shift away from genies. "So tell me what winter migration's like," Wanda said, and sounded genuinely curious. She sat with elbows plonked on the table at that time, arms folded. I paused with a straw halfway to my mouth.

"Pardon?"

"My sister and I have spent a few summers at Maplefeather Point. I want to know about Cedarcross."

Blonda nodded. "You must understand, Anti-Cosmo, that we Fairies never get to see Cedarcross… Well, not usually. I don't even know entirely where it is."

I didn't… quite understand what she meant by that. Fairies had always been permitted to visit the temple on pilgrimage… I've always assumed there are very, very few of them who would bother. Traditional Fairy beliefs and Zodii philosophies rarely go hand in hand. But then, of our two migration destinations, Maplefeather Point had always been stereotyped as the one to attract more Fairies anyway. I've heard that sometimes, Fairies schedule meet-ups with their Anti-Fairies at the location so they might discuss life and romance and children and things of that nature. The Anti-Fernfire family allow it in some cases. Many Fairies prefer a relaxing spa experience in a warm location to the cold mountaintops and dusty tunnels of Salalalyn's temple. It will be interesting, I think, to see if that changes at all in the upcoming years. Anti-Fairy World is a young nation. If that means Zodii studies begin to grow more commonplace and travel farther across Fairy World as a result, that would be a curious thing.

"Cedarcross is… a nice place to visit," I said haltingly. "It's in the mountains… Quite lovely, really."

Blonda nodded again, resting her chin in her hands. I could see quite well why she and Wanda were twins, because if it weren't for their dyed hair, they'd be nearly identical sitting across from me like that with their matching eyes stretched wide. "Is Cedarcross a recent destination for your people? I mean… What's inside an Anti-Fairy's body that drives them to migrate there, of all places? And why only in winter?"

Hm. You may as well ask why Fairies so often fight to solve their issues, or why drones seek the comforting pheromones of gynes, or why tempers can flare so hot that one of those gynes ends up turning on a friend to end their life. Why did Fairies do what they did? Ha. If I knew the answer to questions like that, I'd be a very rich drake indeed. I leaned back in my chair, slurping light lemonade through my straw… Overall, just trying to give the general appearance of a man who knew everything on the topic and more. My wings twitched, but I think my onlookers drank me up with rapture. I do try not to get a big head. Really, I do try.

"Ah, well… I suppose it's complicated, as all things are. I'm not sure I have a perfect answer on the tip of my tongue. Migration is more than just an instinct or a habit, but a grand social gathering that calls Anti-Fairies to gather at Salalalyn's temple. She is the demigod of Sleep, and in the older days when the cloudlands experienced seasons to a more severe degree than we do now, my ancestors were subject to seasonal torpor. Salalalyn's temple in Cedarcross is where we went to rest through the chill of winter."

"Oh, yes," Wanda said, her eyes wandering to the ceiling. "I remember reading about that. That must have been 800 or more auroras ago."

I glanced at Juandissimo, our eyes briefly locking, then flicked my attention to Wanda again. "980, I believe. But, clothing and more precise control over heating systems led to my ancestors transitioning away from that lifestyle as time went on. In modern times, the interior of her temple has been reconstructed to more of a meeting place, like a castle of sorts carved into the mountainside. We spend the season awake instead of asleep. Winter migration is a far more active social scene now. I've met three of your counterparts there." I indicated Blonda, Wanda, and Juandissimo with nods of my head, though simply shrugged at Cotton and Marveen. "So sorry… I don't believe I've seen yours around."

Marveen waved a dismissive hand, smiling all the while, though Cotton looked disappointed. Juandissimo voiced nothing in response to this. He did not ask me to maintain silence, but truthfully, I didn't think he would have liked me to volunteer his own presence there (lest Wanda turn her questions on him instead). Such things might embarrass him. I knew only too well that he was sensitive about his employment at the Eros Nest. I wouldn't draw attention to that without his consent.

And to be frank, I preferred the topic not to switch to Juandissimo either, for if the focus of conversation fluttered away from me, I would all too easily be cornered outside of it. At least with the genie talk, I'd felt like I knew enough on the subject to remain involved.

"Speaking of counterparts," said Wanda, nestling her cheek against the curve of her hand, "I heard about yours again the other day, Anti-Cosmo. Sneaking around Faeheim." She rolled her eyes.

I swallowed the faint lemonade foam clinging to my tongue. "Oh? You heard word of Fairy-Cosmo? Pray tell."

"It's not much of a story… Just, one of my uncles said they caught him flitting down side passages and wandering the shadier parts of the city's underbelly. Like the undercloud area, with the filters. That's where my uncle works and he's seen many a hooligan sneaking around down there." Wanda frowned then, staring at the centre of the table. Her fingers curled until the nails scratched. "I'm probably wrong, but I feel like you don't hear much about Fairies who are rulebreakers… and whose Anti-Fairies who are so good, they're allowed to attend a Fairy school."

Blonda's eyes flew wide. Immediately, Juandissimo touched his hand to my knee beneath the table. Fortunate he did, maybe. I stared across the table at Wanda, squeezing the glass in my hand so tightly, I swear my claws punctured its exterior. A thin trail of lemon juice began to drizzle from the slice on the rim all the way down my hand. Okay… I took two seconds to breathe tightly through my teeth, then folded in my wings. I straightened in my chair.

"Forgive me, darling… What exactly are you are implying by saying that I'm 'good?'"

Wanda looked blank for a few seconds more before her brain caught up to what she'd said. "Oh! … Oh… I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. I forgot you can't say that to… I… See, I don't talk to many Anti-Fairies."

I waited, gripping my lemonade glass, for an apology. Wanda fumbled through a few more excuses before she landed on the words she needed to break the spell. Juandissimo gently squeezed my knee, then slid his hand away. I sighed. Really, I don't understand it… There are just a few words in this universe you should never say to an Anti-Fairy: never call us "lucky" and never call us "good." The Great Universe Queen Whose Name Anti-Fairy Tongues Do Not Speak will simply send negative karma our way to balance us out. And no, you can't simply call us "Bad luck" to our face and expect to reverse it. It doesn't work like that. The meaning wouldn't be there. Spilling salt or knocking on wood is the proper way to deflect a jinx, but one of those would make me jump out of my seat with panic in my veins, and the other would sprawl me on the ground with a migraine. I only wished she'd stop babbling her explanation.

I digress.

Blonda finally cut off her sister by asking me, "You've met my counterpart? How did that go?"

See, Blonda is a real gem. Fumbling Wanda might have asked me outright "What's my counterpart like?" which is a question I'd long grown tired of answering in the school hallways or in the cafeteria. Apparently, when I'm on break from classes, everyone else decides that's the perfect opportunity to strike up the briefest conversation, just to toss that counterpart question at me and skim away as soon as their hands are on it. It doesn't feel particularly good when your only value is in playing Q&A with people you hardly know. Blonda asked the question in a roundabout way that gave me the option to decline, and I respected that.

"Oh, Anti-Wendy and Anti-Wanda have been nothing short of delightful. They both speak fluent Vatajasa and limited Snobbish, but Anti-Wanda recently made it on the camarilla court, you know. I never thought a half anti-wisp could do it, but progress makes fools of us all, hm? I've had the pleasure of befriending both dames, and they're a beautiful set of twins."

The table fell as silent as a mortal conked with a fallen anvil. Blonda looked at Wanda. Wanda looked at Blonda. Then they both looked at me. Blank. Staring. "Uhh," Wanda said, "are you sure that was us?"

"Well, not 'you,'" I replied, minorly smarting. Honestly, I try not to take offense to the fae who believe Anti-Fairies carry a third of their own soul, but I absolutely can't stand when they refer to us as "Me." I've not known many fairies to do so, but it makes my wings itch every time. I am Cosmo's mirror because my unborn spirit chose to be. His soul lacked a bond, so I filled the gap. I'm not bound here forever; when I want a different host, I'll take one. I've heard the transition isn't easy, plus it's incredibly difficult to reverse once another soul has your spot, but Anti-Kanin told me once he'd consider swapping hosts if his Seelie counterpart only mates with damsels. Personally, I don't mind sticking with Cosmo. If I became a different Anti-Fairy, it's far too likely I'd lose my high standing in the Blue Castle. I rather like being treated as a noble.

Blonda started fidgeting her wings. "Maybe it's a different pair of twins."

"I'm sorry?"

Wanda holds up a finger, moving it between herself and her sister. "Uh, we aren't half-wisp. Both our parents are common fairies."

Oh. Uhh. I blinked. I had no one else to look at. My eyes slid towards Juandissimo, who sat with his forefingers pressed against his lips, his eyes on the table. He did not volunteer any help for me. I could see his wings twitching. Marveen and Cotton leaned together like they were about to whisper such scandalous things.

"Yes," I said. "That must be right. I must be thinking of someone else. You know how we Anti-Fairies are, always juggling multiple names and all that."

The conversation grew uneasy after that. Still, we all did our best to lift the mood. Talk slipped from Anti-Wanda and Anti-Blonda back to Cosmo and his mother, then from there to our upcoming winter break. From what I gathered, Juandissimo was taking Wanda to Pixie Village for three weeks… I personally didn't see the appeal of being anywhere near the Head and his underlings for that amount of time, but then again, I'd never been. Perhaps the village made a pleasant vacation spot and I simply didn't know. According to Juandissimo, you could see the most stunning waterfall about a minute's float from his studio apartment.

"You're a lovely couple," I told them. Carefully, I set my glass back on the table. "You know, I don't think you've ever told me how you met."

"Mm," said Juandissimo. He scooted his floating chair a little nearer to Wanda's, leaning over to gently hug her from behind. Instead of wincing as he pressed against her wings, Wanda grasped his hands and brought them near her chest. Juandissimo's eyes wandered towards the ceiling. "It was not so long ago… The one and only year I attended Carl Poofypants. I came there as an exchange student from Fairynando High. Wanda and I, we had an art class together… I knew from a previous meeting that my counterpart held interest in her counterpart. Wanda too was very pretty to me, and it seemed only natural. I sat for two months behind her and finally asked her out. We have treasured each other ever since, as a captain adores his mighty ship."

Wanda leaned back her head, tilting her face so she could kiss Juandissimo gently on the chin. His hands had already fallen into natural places against her shoulders, gently massaging her muscles without wrinkling her wings. Blonda stopped looking at them, pointedly fixing her attention on me. I didn't blame her for that, actually… I had the great fortune not to be cursed with a twin in this lifetime, but I could still remember how watching my brother Anti-Robin kiss their latest fling always made my skin crawl… I know for a fact that Anti-Rose isn't the only dame they've ever flirted with. I saw her at a recent migration, actually, with yellow in her eyes. Not quite sure if that came from them.

(Frankly, I don't know where my brother gets off thinking they have any right to lust after low-ranking damsels anyway. We're nobles… We can't frisk about spreading the iris virus to every random commoner who pleases us at roost. They're an old and rotten flower without a smell, Anti-Robin, because they haven't got any sense!)

I wonder if Juandissimo intends to take Wanda Prime to roost while they're away for three weeks… We ARE rapidly approaching cherub migration season. The arrows will be flying and love will fill the air. Which meant that come the Anti-Fairies' spring migration to Maplefeather, their counterparts would be tangled in each other's arms, too… Anti-Juandissimo with his cold Chif accent, thieving fingers, the limp in his leg… Anti-Wanda with her goofy anti-wisp teeth gripping his lips instead of fangs…

I realised then that I'd leaned forward over the table, my forefingers resting against my lips in the same way Juandissimo's had been a moment before. Oh dear. Was I scowling? I didn't mean to be and, flustered, I glanced sideways at Blonda. She broke eye contact in favour of adjusting the buttons on her coat. And I thought then that maybe, she and I weren't too unalike after all. The only sensation stranger than knowing you have a counterpart out there who'll be dancing with a mirror of your lover… must be the life of existing as an identical twin.

"What are your plans this winter, darling?" I asked Blonda, pointedly turning from Juandissimo and Wanda as her fingers roamed upward in his inky hair. "You won't be bored at home while your sister is away, I should hope."

"Oh, I'd rather die than laze about all that time! There's a theatre downtown I want to apply for. I'll be practising my monologue until then."

"Smashing, that! I love a dame who supports the arts… Did you already pick what you'll rehearse?"

Blonda's eyes lit up at the question, only too grateful (I'm sure) to shift her full attention away from her sister now. "I haven't finalised my options, but I've narrowed it down… I'll either be reading Helena's Folly or Rhoswen's Lament. One's Anti-Jesse and the other is Silverwand's interpretation of the end of Rhoswen's journal… They've both been long-time favourites of mine ever since I was in Spellementary."

"Ta! Do visit my room if you make it in and tell me the performance dates, Blonda… I should very much like to be there if I'm back from migration on time."

"Oh, I wish I could attend migration… Frankly, I know you Anti-Fairies have a stage there and it sounds a lot more fun to socialise in pretty clothes than to study all season and run errands for my daddy." Blonda rolled her eyes as she said it, making me feel certain that the 'errands' her father sent her out for were definitely done while she wore her drone disguise. A pity, that. She had such a pretty face. Somehow prettier than her sister, though I couldn't quite fathom why. Maybe it was the high curve in her cheekbones, or the way she carried her shoulders…

Yes, that must be it, I thought, sizing up the two damsels in my silence. I think it's the cheekbones… Their breasts are about the same size. Actually, Blonda's are larger than her counterparts', I think… I'm right fortunate I had the chance to examine those sweet melons up close at the Nest. Blonda and I most often sat across the table from one another while we studied, which hadn't exactly given me the opportunity to compare with a critical downwards eye the way I would have liked to. Ah, well.

But, I acknowledged over another sip of lemonade, perhaps my increased attraction towards Blonda over her sister comes from the fact that I know she isn't seeing anyone else… A lack of rumours whispered in the halls just leaves all the more room for my fantasies. Harmless ones, of course… I don't mean anything by it at all.

Now, breasts and pecs were well and good, but the gossamer wings of a common fairy… Now, those shimmer with swirls and rainbows I've never seen another subspecies replicate. Every time one of my fairy companions shifted and their wings caught the light of the lanterns or the cool sky outdoors, it cast a small rainbow on the table and sent my stomach flopping over. As our conversation drew on (eventually interrupted by large, noisy Fairies one table over), I leaned back in my chair and nibbled politely on the end of one claw. Mm… Frankly, I couldn't decide who was luckier: Juandissimo to have the firm, rounded cheeks of Wanda on his lap, or Wanda to have Juandissimo's warm effervescence tingling the back of her neck.

I glanced at Jasmine, who glanced right back at me. We might share only our emotions, not our thoughts… but I could tell she was just aware of Blonda's discomfort with the entire set-up as I was. Cotton and Marveen didn't seem to mind their best friend growing increasingly closer to her boyfriend, scooting all the way over during our conversation until they were joined at the hip. But Blonda was a different story. She did not look at her sister. She stared across the table at me, her eyes unfocused, like she'd rather be anywhere but here at the bar with them. The hitches of sewing needle sounds in the energy field told me everything else I needed to know.

I've got this.

"I need a few minutes at roost," I said when the conversation flickered down. As eyes turned to me, I fought the mounting anxiety in my centre and gestured at my face. "Being right side up too long makes us lightheaded, you know… Blonda, would you mind so terribly if I asked you to stand outside with me? I'll keep it brief."

Blonda stood, practically slamming her hands down on the slick tabletop. "No, no! T-take as long as you need, Anti-Cosmo… Don't let me get in the way. I'd hate for you to be uncomfortable."

As I suspected, then. She came here out of good will. She didn't want to stay. We turned to leave then. But just as I took a step, a waiter thumped into me with his shoulder and knocked me forward. I stumbled, pinwheeling my arms.

My foot came down on the unbroken line of white tiles on the floor. VWOOOSH!

I took the siren's cry of delicious bad luck like a punch to the nose. White conducts bad luck, and the sensations on the edge of my awareness that I'd been avoiding now clawed their way across my brain. The energy field's soft piano key music, which had played quite politely in the background of the bakery since my arrival, exploded with the sound of breaking glass. Every fibre of negative energy in the room froze in place, then threw itself at me in a blur that whisked my hair. I yanked my wand from my sheath, swivelled so fast I nearly fell over, and aimed my wand at the filthiest corner of the room. Shadows crackled like lightning from my wand's tip down the staff. Someone cried out in alarm, but I grit my teeth and didn't fire. No, I couldn't. The Fairies would be frightened.

I inhaled, let out a soft ping of echolocation, and listened to the reply. It bounced back too soon to be an empty corner.

Got you… On my first try, even. And I'm not even a field agent.

"Anti-Cosmo?" I heard Wanda ask, and glimpsed Juandissimo giving her shoulder a squeeze. Some fairies on my other side craned their necks, straining to take in the sight of the strange little anti-fairy standing there with a leopard-sized cat sith looming behind him. A few others had backed towards the windows and door as quickly as they could. Fortunately, however, no one seemed immediately concerned with interfering. I suppose it helps not to be aiming directly at a patron… I can't imagine the lemonade bar's owner would take too kindly to that.

I tried another ping of echolocation. The umbra in the corner sat quietly… not hulking, not stalking. The shape of its face and back suggested a beetle-like insect, though it had the arms, legs, and long tail of a monkey… Plus ripped-up wings that couldn't possibly lift it off the ground. That made sense. This was a Leaves umbra because the set-up of this shop channelled far too much Breath energy for its own good. It really could have done with a few hanging plants, or perhaps some potted trees around the edges. Maybe decorative vines along the walls.

… It wasn't…

It wasn't hurting anyone. I lowered my wand, the creases of my fingers itching hotly. Besides… Killing umbrae in public shops just isn't sanitary, especially since Fairies can't see them at all. Well. I guess I technically can't either, but you know what I mean.

But… you can't just leave an umbra on our side of the universe, either. They grow bigger. They grow more solid. The adults devour Anti-Fairies. Maybe not me today, but if this shop had collected enough stinky magic to pull one umbra down here from the higher planes of existence, it could summon more. My colony roosted less than a five-minute flight from here. I couldn't leave the beetle-monkey where it stood. Innocent or not.

"Don't look at me like that," I muttered.

By the time they reach high school, most Fairies (I kindly presume) know better than to interfere when an Anti-Fairy is working. They see us every Friday the 13th, not to mention any time they incidentally tread on a crack or step beneath a ladder, etc… but that doesn't mean they don't still find us interesting to watch. The patrons hung around the edges of my awareness. I maintained a close eye on the umbra in the corner, awaiting any sign of movement. Each throb of echolocation bounced heavily against my ears.

The beetle-monkey scuttled sideways. I thrust my wand towards it. The energy field snapped like an elastic. Wrenching back, I whipped the energy-based creature towards me. It jerked forward, flying towards me on an invisible cord. I flipped my wand backwards in my hand, then flicked out the blade in the shaft.

"Don't be frightened," I said to the crowd as they lurched away. I spread my wings as an additional shield. The umbra wriggled beneath my hand, pawing at the ground with its distinct monkey fingers, but it wasn't very big. I held it in place without much struggle. "I mean, do give me space because it's not a magic-touched blade; but I don't intend to hurt anyone here with it. This is for the umbra."

Voices mumbled around me, but the Fairies kept their distance. Thank smoke they weren't cruel enough to drag me off simply for keeping a weapon on my person. I'd hope most of us do. False arrests must be an act only the Keepers engage in. Ha.

It only took a swift slice of the knife to dissolve the umbra beneath my hand, sending it back to Plane 18 from which it came. The off-key music in the energy field began to flicker into a more peaceful tune. There. That was a step in the right direction. I gathered the negative energy within it in a mental fist, thinking hard for a couple seconds, then dispersed it as evenly as I could with a few waves of my hand. To be perfectly frank, the entire lemonade shop could do with a good energy cleanse. Negative forces had gathered in thick clusters and drooped about like braided hair.

Breaking up the chunks didn't take long. I distributed some bad luck to the left, some to the right… A few patrons would someday soon slam into a door that no one held open for them. A few others would spill drinks and trays. Some would attempt to take flight, only to slip in their jumps and fall flat on their faces again. Simple stuff…

After sheathing my wand, I left the building as though nothing had happened in the first place. Not looking at anyone. I didn't particularly want to. This wasn't my first time eliminating umbrae in the presence of Fairy witnesses, but I'd been subject to enough Q&A sessions, panicked pleas, and even flat-out mockery that I preferred not to stick around. Jasmine, of course, padded after me, and Blonda hurried on her heels to catch me outside.

How unfortunate, of course, to find oneself stranded in a college town. Now, don't get me wrong: the puffy cloudlandscape always looks nice and trim this close to campus, but I don't care for the buildings. The roofs do overhang in traditional Fairy design - a feature that first originated in the pre-war era when trios of counterparts living together still wasn't considered outside the ordinary - but the slants… Don't even get me started on how obnoxious it can be to cling to the edge of a slant. One leg bent, the other awkwardly stretched… No, no. I'd rather sleep on a sloped section of sidewalk.

I stuffed my hands beneath my arms, trudging forward with a grunt. "Well, that's torn is, hasn't it? I say, what's an anti-fairy need to do to find a flipping roost around here these days?"

Jasmine rubbed her head against my side, nearly bowling me over in the process. "We'll find one soon enough. Should I scout?"

"No, don't… You'll scare too many Fairy children if you walk about alone looking like a beast who can rip their bodies in half with a single well-aimed bite."

"I wouldn't, though."

"Yes, I know… But they don't know you as I do."

"Anti-Cosmo," Blonda called after me, so I turned and waited for her to catch up again. I hadn't gone far down the sidewalk. Still… Blonda sort of stared and somewhat gawked at me as though I'd set a tray of broccoli on my head for King Northiae himself to enjoy.

"Yes? What is it?" I didn't truthfully need a roost to hang from. I could feel my stomach squirming at the thought of staying upright much longer, but at the moment, I was still in possession of its contents. I gave my sheathed wand a pat. "Don't be alarmed… The only bad luck I gave you in there was an upcoming stubbed toe."

Blonda drew in a bit of air, pinching her lips shut after… and then she simply stared a moment too long. I waited. Jasmine looped behind me, licking her muzzle all the while. Blonda looked very much like she was trying to ignore the giant cat sith. I somewhat expected Blonda to pepper me with questions regarding her counterpart, especially the evidence of her parentage, but the words out of her mouth weren't related to that at all. She inhaled again, steadied her wings, and looked me in the eye.

"Thank you for coming, Anti-Cosmo… I enjoyed talking to you. I hope you weren't uncomfortable with my sister and her boyfriend being…" Blonda shrugged. Her wings shifted like glassy leaves. "Well, you know how Wanda is. Hey, before you go, I want to talk to you."

I tilted my head down the road. "I'm just looking for a roost, actually. I was planning to circle back when I've taken a break from the upright world. What did you want to talk about?"

Blonda nodded. "I don't think I'll be long… I just didn't want to risk missing you in case I don't see you again over winter break. See, I want to explain what I meant by 'date' the other day. On the roof."

"Oh," I said. My wings sagged in relief. "Yes, I was hoping we could address that, but the mood was all befuddled at the time… and frankly, I sort of brushed it aside. Look here: I'm already in a relationship. With Anti-Saffron. I'm not seeking additional partners right now; she's asked me to refrain."

Should I feel guilty for stating it was Mona's decision? I began the question mentally, but froze when I saw the sheet-white look on Blonda's face.

"Oh…" Her eyes slid sideways like raindrops down the Castle walls. She focused on Jasmine's flicking tail instead of me. "I… I shouldn't have said anything."

"Did I misread the situation?" I asked. Ah… Now I found myself to be the flushing one. I raised my hands, shaking them back and forth. "Blonda, darling, I didn't mean to imply I assumed you were trying to ask me out romantically… I didn't mean to put you on the spot with assumptions that you were interested. Please, forgive me if I've caused any offence! I was trying to clarify-"

"I am interested," she blurted out, and I took the words like a metal ding across my chest. Blonda wrapped her arms around her shoulders, staring at me with pitifully wide eyes. "I… At least, I wanted to invite you out on the town… because I thought maybe there was a chance at a spark. But I didn't know you and Anti-Saffron were exclusive! I… I'm the one who should apologise. I misjudged you as open to that- I didn't even realise it might be a cultural stereotype that might not apply to every Anti-Fairy… I just thought it was a cultural thing in general… I'm sorry. Please just forget I said anything about it. It was just going to be a date. We can still be friends, I hope?"

"… Oh." I searched for words, but they kept evasive. The cogs in my mind turned. Slowly. "You're… interested in progressing towards the higher stages of intimacy with me. You're seeking romance."

Blonda's face, still pale, somehow grew paler despite the flickering torches all around us. "I'm sorry! I don't want to lose our friendship… Please don't let this interfere."

"I… Hm. Ah… Blonda, darling, it's complicated… Please let me explain; don't run out on me." I scratched my forehead with the very tips of my claws, shedding flecks of cloud and cinders from my hair. "This is difficult to say. I… am interested in spending my life engaged in high-level intimacies with multiple drakes and damsels, but that's an ideal I can't pursue right now. Anti-Saffron has asked me to confine my passions to her body alone. I… I don't think…"

Inhale, hands folded beneath my nose. "Look here, darling. Let me be clear: I don't mind the fact that you asked if I'd like to spend a day out with you romantically. Not at all, in fact. I actually admire your boldness and tact. Unlike many closed-minded individuals out there, I personally take no issue with Anti-Fairies and Fairies joining together in friendship or matrimony; my nana even had a Fairy partner before the war." I looked up to see Blonda again. She held her hands near her chest, one gripping the fluffy collar of her blue jacket. Those hands were lightly shaking. Softly, I closed out with, "I'd love to, Blonda… but Anti-Saffron has asked me not to pursue beyond the first ten stages of intimacy with anyone but her. Do you see?"

Blonda blinked. Then she blinked again, blonde eyebrows scrunching together. "The first… ten stages? Is… Does that mean…? So, would a date be out of the question as long as it doesn't stray beyond the first ten? It's okay if it's not- you can just tell me!"

I said nothing. Jasmine pressed her shoulder against me, feeling out my emotions but remaining silent too. Her presence didn't seem to turn Blonda away.

"I've studied the thirteen stages," Blonda continued, and a light tint of rose began colouring her cheeks. "I can name them all… Leeõri, tamsõsita, lükkato, avuuzi, kaoas, masõchu, sõtako, tükkiht, stevisi, naikuta, followed by the three terms of mating intimacy: wei-ta, kar-ta, kiff-ta." She rattled them off without hesitation, like a natural-born Anti-Fairy, and never broke eye contact with me. I tried not to break it either, carefully sliding my hands into my trouser pockets instead. "I know their meanings, Anti-Cosmo… I won't ask you to do anything with me that's more than you'd be comfortable with, but… I wouldn't be opposed to experiencing those stages if you ever wanted to share them with me in return."

"Ah. Erm…" My face felt dark with thumping magic. I tried to remind myself why I had to refuse her advances. I focused on the sting I'd felt when Blonda had used the word "mythical" to describe Anti-Fairy beliefs of historical events in comparison to Fairy ones, back when we were finishing our essay project. The memory danced away like a puff of misty white cloud. I leaned back on my heels, studying her up and down.

"We'd be kaoas… Wouldn't we? Stage 5?" She watched my face carefully for any reaction. I looked away, my cheeks stinging with internal frost.

"That's, um… That's a complicated proposal, Blonda darling. You see, I'm also in a kaoas relationship with your counterpart. This complicates the situation. I… I'm under pressure. It panics me to wonder what it is that makes two people, intended opposites, both see value in my friendship. That's not… Oh, you're a Sky year, aren't you? I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. Sky and Water years share a naturally purple bond. Mirroring similar relationships with one another is what a purple bond is all about."

"Oh, that's fine," said Blonda quickly, and I watched that faint rose blush in her cheeks spread along her neck. "If I'm overstepping, let's call ourselves avuuzi."

"Yes… We're avuuzi at least." Good friends. But I combed my fingers through my hair, biting inside my cheek. "That said, I do think I consider us kaoas… As strange as it may be to say aloud." That's the level of quite close friends, even if we don't cross paths often at this time. After all the secrets and concerns I'd shared with her this past year, after all the study sessions… I don't think I could deny a kaoas relationship.

I lifted one hand to my chest, carefully smoothing the front of my coat. "Blonda, I… I'd really like to take you out for an excursion on the town sometime. Anti-Saffron did say it was okay… and I'd like to grow closer to you. Stage 5 is a far cry from Stage 10. Anti-Saffron only said I had to check with her on partners who coax me towards Stage 10. If it's all right with you, it's all right with me. And you don't need to worry about my exclusive status with Anti-Saffron; she told me the lower stages were okay."

"Do you think we can?" Blonda asked, now more than a little warm in the face. I fiddled my claws more deeply in my pockets, running cyclical thoughts over and over in my mind. Checking facts. Trying not to act out in rash or unprecedented ways. She went on, tugging on the loose tips of her hair. "Maybe… Get some nice drinks together? Like what we did tonight, perhaps… Only it would be just the two of us."

"We're certainly Stage 5 for now - I don't see us as Stage 6 - but I think I could see us going as far as Stage 7 someday if we deepen our relationship in time." I tried to keep that part casual… Stage 7 is a stage of sharing strokes, piercing tongues, and bearing favours, and Blonda and I weren't ready for that level… even if I'd shared that level with Anti-Kanin and Anti-Lance before. I think if my cousin Anti-Poof requested my favour then I would give it, and my cousin once removed Anti-Lyren, and Anti-Phillip because he is my prince (regardless of my dislike for him and his past flirtations towards Mona), but no one else came to mind. Certainly not Blonda. Someday, maybe, but not now. "I don't think Stage 8 is in the cards at any point in the near future, as that stage is reserved for long-term commitments and we're school-aged youth divided by the Barrier, but… Yes. Stage 5 doesn't make me bat an eye. I'll count us on equal level for that one, darling. We should get food and drink sometime."

Blonda nodded slowly, tucked away in her thoughts. "I see you as my friend too, Anti-Cosmo… I've enjoyed our study sessions and late-night talks. But I have a question."

"Pray tell."

"Stage 5 is… passionate. Isn't it?"

My core began to beat, pulling more magic than usual from Fairy-Cosmo… Jasmine glanced at me sideways, waiting for a signal to shepherd me off and halt Blonda from asking any further questions. "I think all stages can be passionate."

I could tell from the twinkling noises in the energy field that Blonda stood before me in a flushed, giddy, girlish sort of way that she didn't want to express too loudly, lest it frighten me off. How… curious? I did not wish to overstep, for if she did not volunteer the reason why, it wasn't my place to spread rumours on the subject. I did wonder why.

She nodded awkwardly, sort of curtsying as she did. She fluttered to one side. "I… meant physically. The switch from Stage 4 to 5 is a true jump from casual to passion."

I calculated my words, then nodded slightly. "Yes, I think I would say something similar if I approached this with a Seelie Courter's cultural background. Avuuzi is quite a mild stage of one partner gently licking the other with their tongue, and kaoas I can agree is more energetic. Is that a problem?"

Blonda, frankly… clutched the collar of her jacket, looking for all the world like she was but a child and Kris Kringle had brought her a new toy. Her petal-pink eyes glittered like dancing flowers in the breeze. "No, no… It's not a problem at all, Anti-Cosmo. It's just… I didn't think you'd even consider treating me like… like a person of value. The fact that you're willing to express your culture with someone like me, who's admired it ever since I was a kid, means the world. I… I mean that. My core is actually thumping. I can't stop beaming! You're radiant…"

I didn't know what to say to that. I merely raised an eyebrow, but Blonda evidently took my puzzled silence as some sort of alluring quirk. She coughed, blushing fiercely now, and I could read from the sound of shivering bells in the energy field that she was, um…

How do I say this? She was reading quite a lot into a ceremony that I viewed as immensely commonplace. I think in Fairy culture, she interpreted my acknowledgment of our intimacy status in a drastically different way.

Of course she does… In Anti-Fairy culture, we only consider intimate touches 'mating' if your dome unlatches in the process to reveal your inner core: that's classed under wei-ta. Now it was my turn to lightly blush. Fairy culture uses sharing magic as their intimacy mark instead. So many of these stages would qualify then.

In fact, the longer I considered that situation throughout the pause between us, the more I realised that her blushing reaction made a great deal of sense. Blonda had now told me quite plainly that she held interest in courting me. It wasn't on accident that she mentioned the Anti-Fairy drake tradition of taking multiple damsels under our wing. I leaned back, my hands folded behind me, and studied Blonda with a calculating eye. My core thumped like slamming footsteps in my forehead, and I just knew Fairy-Cosmo must be wondering what mischievous flirtations I was getting up to in order to make it pulse with pink like that.

… How, exactly, did Blonda anticipate this arrangement working out? Surely she… she knew why I couldn't touch her… She knew the dangers of Rhoswen syndrome when it overtakes the mind.

"I admire your trust in me," I said carefully, searching for a way I could loop this conversation around to where I wanted it to be. I didn't want to insult her by pointing it out directly. Not if I could avoid it. "I know many Fairies wouldn't even suggest they cared enough about an Anti-Fairy to desire an intimacy marker."

"I care," Blonda said quietly. "I would have been content with avuuzi alone, but I'm delighted to share the frills and trappings of Stage 5 with you, Anti-Cosmo. Should… should we set a time and place? Is that what you Anti-Fairies do?"

A time and place to seal our touch? I paused, a hum trilling on my lips. You know, it isn't really in the Anti-Fairy nature to verbally discuss our relationships in this way at all, the way Blonda had done in approaching me. An Anti-Fairy would have simply invited me to roost (if born under Love or Fire) or waited for me to do the same. The signals would have flowed naturally from our bodies without any need for words. There was no need to schedule time or place.

My palms itched, fingers curling. Would her body fit against mine the same way her counterpart's did?

You can't wonder that, Julius. She's clearly blinded with attraction; you have to be the practical one here. You have to tell her "No."

I drew my handkerchief and dabbed it carefully along my brow. "Er… Perhaps I should clarify. I'm speaking metaphorically when I describe our relationship in stages… I'm well aware that I can't touch you in the traditional way, of course, for we'd trigger Rhoswen syndrome if I did. That rush of hormones would drive us both to lose control, lose our sentient thoughts, become raw and primal like an insect and a bat… I cannot put that upon you." I widened my eyes at her then, watching for any sign of movement, while Blonda gazed innocently back at me. I don't think she was entertaining particularly innocent thoughts. "But I think…"

"'Upon me?'" she questioned. Invisible feathers ruffled as she shook herself off, tucking herself more firmly inside her fluffy coat. "I invite you to touch me. I understand the risks."

"I cannot do that, darling. The risks are greater than you think."

"It's not necessary. I already have Rhoswen syndrome. I can only see myself with Anti-Fairies."

Brief pause. Calculating words inside my brain. I clenched the handkerchief in my fist, squeezing tight.

"You don't truly understand Rhoswen syndrome, then. The reaction it's named after is not mere affection. Believe me, I know. It's obsession. It's clawing, it's begging, it's demanding, it's forceful. It's what drove Jay Rhoswen past his brink until Anti-Shylinda had to slay him- just to make him stop what he was doing to her." Levelling my gaze at Blonda, I finished with, "I will not be your plaything when you lose your mind. I will not allow myself to be forced against my will. With that said, trust now that I will draw the line in the ashes here, and no closer to your feet."

Silence lapped between us like ocean waves rolling over one another and dragging each other back by the soggy throats. She levelled her gaze right back at me. "I've been drawn towards Anti-Fairies exclusively ever since I was old enough to realise where my private thoughts stray. Fairies bullied me, honestly, and I spent far too long pretending to be a drone… I didn't enjoy Fairy culture. Rugged, shirtless idiots fighting for a damsel's attention just doesn't do it for me. I admire the beauty and genuine edges of yours. I appreciate the gentlemanly intentions, Anti-Cosmo, but it's really not needed. I'm a big girl. If we touch and you set off my raging hormones, I won't hold that against you."

"No," I said. Firm. Jasmine started and Blonda blinked. I, however, did not particularly care anymore if I slighted her in my forceful pushback. It's one thing to respect Anti-Fairy culture, but to admire it… to look upon the wretched landscape where the Fairies tossed us and still want that for herself without remorse…

I clenched my hands to fists inside my pockets, stuffing the handkerchief deep down. "Seelie Courters feel the effects of Rhoswen syndrome twice as hard as Anti-Fairies do. I will not put you in that position, nor am I interested in endangering myself for your temporary pleasure. I do think, however, that if I put my mind to the quandary, I can find ways to express myself that won't lead to the loss of your mind… I must admit, I've never shared the stages with a Fairy before. However, I think I can parallel them effectively in careful ways if given enough time."

"[Try protective items] when you [touch] me," Blonda threw back at me. The statement zinged past my head. I… I think I stared straight through her soul and into the universe herself right about then. Her words ricocheted me farther than I thought possible, yet yanked me back on a cord. And I stared.

"Bl… You… Blonda, I don't mean to insult, but you… You do realise why that solution is impractical… Don't you?"

The way she gazed back at me was awfully funny. It wouldn't be proper of me to repeat what she said, but suffice to say, it was a question. She doubled down on her insistence that all I needed to do to prevent the reaction was to, um… cover myself up down there. A thousand invisible question marks swirled around my head. I felt utterly stupid floating there, my hands in my pockets. What? Did Blonda understand secrets of intimacy that I'd never heard?

In truth, I didn't know what crowd she ran with. I'd grown up in Anti-Fairy World. Since the war's end, we lived in a post-industrial world. Perhaps in these modern times, someone had created a product that appropriately fit my race's needs. I don't see why they'd bother. The Xero Act guarantees an Anti-Fairy instant jailtime and Keeper supervision if they're caught attempting to prevent a child's birth (It's one of those joys of being a race who mirrors their hosting counterparts, whether or not we'd like to). Those sorts of items can't even be sold on my side of the border. Not legally, anyway. My mother told me once that the honey-lock clears the mind of all hesitations, but I'm not quite sure what I believe.

Regardless, how it was even possible for a Fairy, a creature who could sense the shapes of any magical object or creature within an average 4 metre radius, to construe an incorrect image of my nakedness in her head, was frankly beyond me.

"Blonda, I… I've been down the adult aisle at the shops before when I was buying candy for my creche father. The products you're speaking of won't… They won't fit."

Blonda laughed in my silence. Threw back her head and laughed in little howls and shakes. I withdrew, cold and stung, with Jasmine sliding carefully between us, until she wound down again. The fairy kicked her heels forward and placed one mocking hand against her cheek.

"Anti-Cosmo, such boasting! My fantasies this semester have been lewd enough without that mental image in my head. You don't need to sell it…" She leaned towards me then, eyes glinting, and smiled like a newborn anti-fairy in the chicken cordon bleu. "Have you ever flirted with a Fairy damsel before? We don't look the way that Anti-Fairy damsels do… If you have reservations, I can pick up a pack in a large size for us to test together."

Ah, right. Until she said that, I had genuinely overlooked the anatomy of a Seelie dame. I grit my fangs, flushing deeply in the backs of my cheeks. Not just at the mental image, but at… Well. I don't know. All of it, I think. All of it had me flushing. As though I weren't fantasising enough… Her prism-like wings with their spiral patterns already left me intoxicated, left me itching, left me weightless. The sight of shiny white teeth did a number on my skin, and every word she spoke pulled at me in the most haunting way you might imagine. My fingers crept towards my wand. I'd very much like to swish it and end this discomfort here and now. But I forced myself to draw in a breath and steady my wingbeats.

"Blonda, please… You are trying the patience of my gentlemanly tongue. My patience to speak in euphemisms is rapidly running low. I will clarify." I stepped around Jasmine then, moving closer to the fairy, and drew an imaginary circle in the air several centimetres from her stomach area. "If we did exchange direct touch, you must remember that it won't be in… in the same low place where you would touch a Fairy."

I could not meet her eyes. I made the circle above her stomach again, staring at my feet. "Anti-Fairies who are showing intimacy only touch here, in what you call the 'nursing pouch' on your side of the barrier… Our bodies are built to expect stimulation in that place and react accordingly. A Fairy damsel's pouch contains no such nerves of pleasure, and only the physical capabilities of nursing a nymph… It's different. you know what I mean? I cannot promise you pleasure even if we did touch… I offer only ceremony. My friendship. And because your body is different, you might face… pain. I am built in a different way. My body is not meant to fit neatly in line with yours. There are reasons, Blonda, that our races have forever struggled with the ability to embrace each other's culture. I think it would pain a Fairy to touch you there… Do you understand?"

Blonda looked down at her jacket, which showed the faintest slit of pale skin in a stripe below the hem. Beneath her clothing lay a nursing pouch that surely, surely, she would not put on the line. I'd known many Fairies to tuck small objects inside their pouch, including food carefully wrapped to ensure it didn't become gross or drop crumbs difficult to clean. But to accept the touches of an Anti-Fairy, which could - I'll be frank - cause legitimate damage to a Fairy's sensitive inner skin…

Well, it wasn't a subject I'd done any research on before. I can say that much. You'd have to be quite the committed Fairy indeed to take a risk like that.

Then Blonda glanced at my face again, steadying her wings. "I… didn't actually know that's where the touch would be. I'll admit that's different than my expectations, but it's… not a deal-breaker. If you ever want to treat our friendship as something authentic in the eyes of your culture, I'm still open to being touched by an Anti-Fairy. I just… I, um… Th-this will be different than I thought."

"I know. You expected pleasure. I will not place blame upon you if you choose to step away, hearing what I've said. However, if you genuinely wish to be acknowledged in friendship, this is what an Anti-Fairy ceremony will be like."

Blonda looked rather like she wanted to say something else, but I saw her change her mind and shrug it off with a flip of her wings. "Well, yes. So if you'd still like to go out with me, it's definitely a date. Maybe when you return from migration, then… While you're gone, I'll look for a place where we can go out. Somewhere we won't be hounded by closed-minded individuals."

… She's serious. My gods, she's actually serious. Blonda has feelings for me. She'd like to sing with me someday.

The thought made my cheeks prickle. I'd have very much liked to draw my crown in front of my face, waiting until the beating of my core stabilised to a level that Fairy-Cosmo wouldn't tweak an eyebrow at. I didn't particularly like knowing he could most definitely feel everything I was feeling now over in his own body. It's the curse of sharing mirror parts of a soul. Blessed day when he can thrust an extra burst of magic at me while I'm in a horrific situation and need an escape, but he's the last drake in the cloudlands I'd look at in the eye after one of my randy nights…

(Thank gods the magic pool between us was a harsher split in his favour, at least. It's the only time I was ever grateful for it: Fairy-Cosmo had the lion's share between him, myself, and Dame Cosmo. We might feel any deep-cutting wounds upon his body or emotions, and someday when he did commit to his own partner then we'd likely feel the aftereffects of his attraction as well, but at least he could only detect the very faintest waves flowing from our cores to his.)

Now, as for my situation with Blonda…

I didn't consider myself a stranger to cross-Court relationships. As I've said before, my mother's mother, Anti-Miranda, fell in love with a Fairy named Lucas Rainwings. Only the honey-lock with Anti-Jasper which gave her my uncle Anti-Harold, my aunt Anti-Joanie, and lastly my mother ever forced her away from him.

And that was an interesting thought. It made me lean back on my heels, considering hard. Anti-Miranda still lived today, actually… My uncle Anti-Harold did too. But Anti-Robin and I had never been close to my mother's side of the family. After the war forced the family out of Esterale, Anti-Miranda had settled in the Far West region. That would be a painfully long journey to the far side of Earth, which the cloudlands cupped from either side. And my grandmother spoke purely Vatajasa- not a lick of Snobbish at all. I could get by in Vatajasa, but only with an accent so thick, I sounded the way Anti-Wanda did when she tried to wrap her native Vatajasa-speaking mouth around Snobbish words. I'd rather not speak it if it could be avoided.

But migration season is coming… Tens of thousands of Anti-Fairies will be there. I'll certainly never find her if I don't look, but… Is it worth seeking out my mother's mum? Might I, perhaps… ask my grandmother what it felt like to love a Fairy man? Are there secrets she could tell me about how two bodies, which could never naturally fit together in the traditional ways of our respective cultures… might still find alternative ways to express the passions of our cores?

Hmm… Vatajasa is predominantly a verbal language. A writing system does exist, but you'll find many more speakers than writers in Anti-Fairy society today. I'd taught myself Vatajasa while growing up, but most texts in that language that have been written about love and touch are poems, and I'd already devoured the ones I'd gotten my hands on. If I planned to ask my nana questions of intimacy in her native tongue, I'd… certainly need to do my research beforehand. Somehow. Maybe I could track down a book and research on our multi-day flight to Cedarcross without much trouble.

Blonda stopped fiddling with her coat then. And… and she looked at me. She looked at me right in the eyes, a thoughtful squint squirming there behind them. "Wait. What's an Anti-Fairy 'date night' like, exactly…? I should hate to offend if I plan something that I think would be enjoyable to a fairy and I make a mistake that offends you as a member of the Unseelie Court."

That… was an interesting question. I stroked Jasmine's fur, bunching it in my fingers. And I thought of Mickey, for some reason. Mickey, the gyne who had been enchanted with me back in Lower School. I hadn't recognized any of his flirting signals because I simply hadn't grown up in the same environment as him.

But where to start? What did Fairies even do on dates? I searched for words, feeling stupid as I bobbed up and down for a moment, but Blonda waited patiently for my answer. Unrushed.

Finally I said, "I don't know, darling… My only frame of reference, generally, is Fairy-Coleen and Fairy-Richter and the way they share spit in the public eye. Tell me how you'd plan an event if I were a common fairy and I'll tell you how to fix it for my needs."

Blonda gave this statement a moment's consideration, bobbing gently up and down as her wings hummed. "Low lighting will be fine. I like parties… I'm old enough for a small amount of sugar, but I definitely have to keep an eye on my consumption if I want to keep it legal. I like scented candles and pretty dresses. A nice dinner is traditional. We could go out somewhere if we find a nice place that lets Anti-Fairies in. Do you like grilled yale?"

"No, I don't eat meat."

Blonda fell silent. These words ticked in her head. Finally: "What? I thought Anti-Fairies often hunted for their food. Don't most of the game animals live on your side of the Barrier?"

"Yes, they do. It isn't an Anti-Fairy thing in general. I just can't be near it myself."

"Why not?"

The thought of explaining my fears, my memories, the brutal injuries I'd sustained when Anti-Binky threw me down a cliff and left me weak and unable to regenerate… exhausted me. I mean, I've known a few Fairies in my years at school who pester incessantly about what it's like to regenerate. It isn't quite the same as magical backup recovery. Instead, for Blonda, I opted for a simpler solution in its place: "I'm actually a fruit bat."

There. I waited for her to comment on how sad she felt this was, being an obligate carnivore herself. She belonged to the common fairy subspecies, after all, and the dragonfly in her would fade and die without consistent nourishment. Blonda didn't say anything at first. Until finally, "I'll make sandwiches, then. There's a park where we could walk together."

"Perhaps. I'd love to keep in touch and spend an eve with you sometime. Of course, migration isn't for two weeks. Don't hesitate to contact me if you land a place sooner than that, darling. Whenever it is, I'll mark it on my mental calendar and look forward to your company every day until then. Thank you for expressing your honest thoughts."

"That sounds lovely." But the fairy, for all her poise and sparkle, seemed at a loss as to how to leave the conversation. I felt that. I tipped my crown at her, leaning back on my heels, and flapped my wings.

"Your friendship holds great value to me, luv. While I'm on migration, I shall consider the different ways a relationship between us may play out. I shall return to you when I have more information to share. We may be able to figure this out after all. Silver blessings, now, and take care."

"Yes… You too!"

My mind swam with all the words I'd spoken and thoughts that had been exchanged. I really did need to find a roost at this point… and maybe, now that Blonda and I had spoken, I wouldn't return to the lemonade shop after all. Instead of seeking an uncomfortable roost in the streets, I decided to make my way back to Anti-Lance and the rest of the colony. Jasmine spoke to me throughout the entire trek back, but I hardly heard a word. I walked with my hands in my pockets, singing softly as I went.

I do not consider myself prone to procrastination. That same night, I took up my quill and four colors of ink so I might pen a letter to the Fairy-Cosmo. An invitation to meet with me in Cedarcross in winter if he chose to, or late spring at Maplefeather Point if that suited his plans better. We could talk then about our goals. I mentioned I would like to ask him about his romantic life, so to come prepared for that. Not an unusual request for an Anti-Fairy to make, I think.

On the chance that neither winter nor spring suited him, I suggested he write back to me at his nearest convenience. Perhaps we could schedule for another time and in a less busy place; I knew a nice place at the border where Fairies and Anti-Fairies could dine freely beneath one roof. Cracklewings… though thinking back on that place made me wince with the memory of how I needed to settle things with Anti-Wanda regarding what had happened that night. Yes, I'd make that a priority once I got to Cedarcross.

And if you do have a serious lover, I wrote in cursive, please do consider bringing them along, as I should love to meet with them in person. I don't plan to bring my betrothed to a private meeting between us unless I hear your consent in a follow-up reply. In blue ink, For reference, my betrothed's name is Anti-Saffron Anti-Feldspar, biological child of Anti-Penny and Anti-Damian, adopted of Anti-Dixie, and she was born of the Anti-Bentleaf colony. She's a Soil year. In red, Furthermore, if Cracklewings doesn't suit your dining preferences, I am open to further discussion. However, I must insist we find a place where I will not be forced into close quarters with meat dishes or cheese, both of which I abstain from entirely. Lastly, in green, With love, Anti-Cosmo Julius Anti-Lunifly.

There. I drew hearts above all my letter 'i's and slid the letter inside a nice envelope. Then I went out and took the letter to the postal office. While out on the town, I searched the local library for Vatajasa books and borrowed several for my reading pleasure. This should aid my quest to brush up on the language before I met with Nana Anti-Miranda in Cedarcross.

Romantic tales of me people, scribed by hand in our native tongue, which I planned to read throughout migration season… What could bring a soul closer to Anti-Fairy culture than that?