(Posted October 4th, 2024)
Greater Odds
In which Anti-Cosmo struggles with right and wrong, submits his godparenting application, helps Mona crossdress, and forms a closer bond with Wanda Fairywinkle in the Spring of the Flaming Clouds
Splitting with Anti-Lance ached so deep in my chest, I thought I'd fall to tiny pieces, my arms and legs strewn like confetti shreds across the floor. For a week, I pushed through campus life with a gritted smile damn well plastered on my face. I held composure as best I could in Mona's company, knowing she looked to me for support in this time of separation, but Blonda was a different story. With the start of the semester came the return of our study sessions - and the absence of her judgmental sister - and after a bit of prodding on Blonda's part, I finally cracked.
"He- he showed me through sacred ceremony how much he cared, that he loved and cherished me, that he desired my happiness… a-and when I offered to pleasure him in return, he dropped me…"
"I'm so sorry," Blonda told me. She never touched me without permission - didn't try to take my hand or force a hug - and she never asked that I shut up. She didn't make any side comments like "Anti-Fairy culture is so incomprehensible" either, which I appreciated more than I really expressed at the time. I quieted on my own eventually, but keeping my mind on our early-semester studies was more difficult than I would've liked. My dripping nose and soppy eyes kept getting in the way. Ugh.
"Don't tell Anti-Saffron," I begged Blonda, clutching her shirt before she reached the door on our way out. "She'll consider me a total loser!"
Blonda raised her brows so high, I half expected her to reply, "And this would be news to her HOW?" But… she didn't. So I liked Blonda quite a bit.
Carl Poofypants High didn't have a second room with an array for Anti-Fairies to roost from. I went back and forth about this with the faculty several times, with them pulling all sorts of excuses as to why they couldn't prepare another room in a timely fashion. Bundling close with arms and wings wrapped around each other kept Mona and I from succumbing to gangrene (Again), but living outside wasn't practical- I found myself anti-poofing back and forth between our tree and the Fairywinkle twins' room to store my homework or pick it up again. Both Wanda and I were salty about it. And while my rank as stepson of the High Count technically granted me allotted funds and my own private accountant… I had a little too much pride to beg the off-campus housing options to give a pair of young Anti-Fairies a chance. No. I had a different plan in mind.
When out first semester vacation hit, Mona and I travelled to the Anti-Bentleaf colony to tell her mums. Anti-Penny and Anti-Dixie gushed over her, with the latter sobbing about how big her little cowgirl had grown. They peppered me about the same. Maybe, I thought, taking every cheek kiss with due regality, marrying a dame I've fallen out of love with won't be as rough as I feared. After all, my in-laws adored me. I'd even done 1 on 1 training with Anti-Penny back in the day, studying architecture, art history, and practising my demon summoning. I couldn't walk away from all that.
We spent two nights with her family, then continued on our way to the Blue Castle. Anti-Buster opened the entry door while we floated through. He congratulated me, though I could tell from the stern line across his forehead that he still held out hope I'd break things off with Mona and attempt to repair the knots in my karmic weave. Yes, well… It just wasn't fated that way. Or maybe I just didn't want to. I smiled back at him and said nothing. His eyes narrowed. Then he swept off. "Perfectly peculiar," Mona said.
"Yes, indeed. Seeing as he engaged me in play and learning far more than Anti-Bryndin did - or my mother, for that matter - I was looking forward to his response. I'd like him to stand with me on our wedding day." Anti-Robin certainly doesn't deserve to.
"Not that," she said. When I blinked and turned, she lowered her voice, pulling her amauti hood even tighter around her ears. "He's without red regality."
"… The cloak." I whipped my head down the empty corridor, then back to Mona. "I wondered why the field sounded so tense. Do you think he's stepped down as First General?" Not for his daughters. He won't even acknowledge they're his in public. How is Anti-Wanda handling this? Is she all right? She'd worked alongside her father ever since joining the camarilla. I should talk to her. My core began to beat, dragging at Cosmo's conscious mind until I felt him turn and either chew his shoulder or the back of his leg. Hold the crystal ball… I had misgivings about pulling strings for Anti-Buster's death in spite of Mother's pushing… but I think I could send a stranger to their next incarnation without batting an eye.
My brains were meant for so much more than clawing at the walls… and I deserved so much better than being scoffed at by a Fairy school for following Anti-Fairy custom and leaving Anti-Lance's colony when it no longer fit my needs. I could've been an architect, you know. I very nearly was. Why, with my exam scores - minus the ones unfairly discriminating against me for being an Anti-Fairy - Carl Poofypants' administration should be tripping over themselves to secure me a new room with my very own array! They ought to beg that I stay enrolled. They weren't the only Fairy World high school around- I was hardly bound to their rules and regulations. Certainly not if they couldn't give me or my culture the time of day.
On parchment, the dancing thoughts I so boldly entertained were still treasonous and cruel, but they were a mite less treason than they could be. Taking out a man I didn't know sounded much more palpable to my sensitivities than killing the one who'd raised me. Not to mention, the little I knew of Big Daddy Fairywinkle - Anti-Buster's counterpart - had not precisely assured me I wouldn't meet resistance if I crept into his house, even with all the demon-summoner knowledge I possessed.
And then I shan't be dooming Wanda, Blonda, Anti-Wanda, and Anti-Wendy to life without their fathers. Yes. Yes, I was quite sure I could kill another drake if it meant sparing Anti-Buster from the cruel, simmering plots of my mum.
You know, said a prodding voice in the back of my head. When Mother first proposed we eliminate a high-up, you turned down Anti-Bryndin's death and suggested Anti-Elina instead. But the likelihood of that set-up benefitting Mother should not be overlooked. Chances are high that would land her as High Countess, ruling alongside her husband. Where would that leave you if she didn't hold up her end of the deal? … Wouldn't it be all the more comfortable to wear that First General cloak of your own schemes, skills, and merit? Without Mother breathing in your ear?
She'd hardly been helpful- She'd come sooo close to spilling our plans to the Head Pixie when we spoke with him over migration. She struggled with her memories, glimpsing the futures of multiple timelines in the same way Anti-Robin kept getting stuck in the past. I was certainly a smart and capable child… Perhaps it was time I retired the zodiac cycle shirt I'd clung to for so many years and dress a little nicer, brush my hair a little neater, and turn up the charm in conversation. Yes, yes… And not only could I look the part of "smart and capable," but wouldn't Anti-Lance be ever so jealous next migration if he saw me brimming with confidence, flying through life even more joyously after our split than ever before? Ha!
Laying hand on the cloak wouldn't be easy, for our ways were not like Fairies' were- I could not simply win the title in a fight. No… This would take precision. Careful planning. I could not rush.
I can win Anti-Bryndin's attention… I've been in school. I'm the son of his third wife. And if I devised my own plan, independent of my mother, it's not like she could spill the details… She certainly can't blackmail me if she has no evidence to prove I'm involved. I think I can find a way around that. Why, perhaps if she begs me, apologising on hands and knees for every cruel word she's ever spoken, I shall love her enough to end Anti-Elina's life anyway, just for her.
Hearing her swear she'd cut back on hitting me - that she felt ashamed for it - wasn't enough. I needed her to fear the power I held; my ability to enact the same cruelty.
And becoming First General would play into what Anti-Coleen kept quoting me about the future foretold by her karmic weave: that her career would be intertwined with mine. Let's be quite frank- We all knew she'd join the camarilla court someday. She was an Anti-Fernfire, for smoke's sake.
I'll bet Blonda would find my seizing power attractive. And that will make our secret rendezvous even better. I rasped my tongue across my fangs. Look here… I said it once and I'll say it again: How can I be held accountable for cruelty if the Fairy gynes may kill whichever of their fellows they choose? They fight to the death. I knew of one fellow whose life the Head Pixie had certainly cut short, and that was Mickey Peridot. Even in treason, even in murder, was I not less guilty than they? And it's not like the spirits of this world disappear into smoke and air. They're reborn again… If death is impermanent, is it any crueller than jail?
… Hmm.
We next crossed paths with my brother, Anti-Robin, who had seemingly abandoned shirts in preference for showcasing August's favour- The nature spirit August, whom they'd shared a body with since before I hit adulthood. I grimaced, saying little. Anti-Robin and I separated without much incident. I almost wish they'd slapped me.
"They're so different compared to my younger years," I muttered as they vanished down a servant's passage. The rock wall fell shut behind them. "I wish I could talk to them in a way I felt mattered." Mona hugged me for saying so, but it didn't hurt my stinging heart any less. Anti-Robin, quite simply… danced beyond my ability to understand.
The High Count, my mother, and the new First General arrived at the same time, floating together down the stony corridor. My mother looked tense, but when they realised the unexpected visitors were simply Mona and I, they relaxed. Still, something like unease floated in their face (and in the way their fingers tightened on the bo staff in their hands). Anti-Bryndin, however, floated towards me with his hands extended in greeting. Unsurprising. The third figure, of course, wore the bright red First General cloak, its hem accented in a tentacle pattern like the cosmic jellyfish who donned great hall's wall. Curly blue hair. Freckled cheeks. Black pilot stripes. Two small horns covered by a large hat in Anti-Bryndin's presence. When our eyes met, I paused.
Oh dear. This could be a problem.
And as soon as I realised that, I fought the urge to cuff myself upside the head. Of course Prince Anti-Phillip had taken up the cloak now… That's how Anti-Fairy princes work. A colony has one creche father and one follower drake. Any subordinate drakes below that don't normally stay for long - Anti-Blade nipping at Anti-Lance's heels being a good example - unless the colony is standing due to permanent features, such as the Eros Nest. Actually, even there, multiple colonies existed within a single enclosure- Anti-Binky's had been Sandstone after its tall rocks; Anti-Indigo's Yellow Flower and Anti-Luis's Vinetangle; his son was Anti-Juandissimo, on the off chance you care about tracing his line.
The Blue Castle was a standing colony, with drakes playing their subservient role; you may recall my father Anti-Robin had served in the kitchen for years. Even Anti-Phillip had lent his hand to food preparation and library organisation work - I'd witnessed him performing both - but he must have reached an age or experience level where his instincts were begging to either seize control or leave with a bachelor colony.
Anti-Wanda would've remembered that, I thought, resisting the urge to roll my eyes. Hmm… Had I missed the announcement over winter migration? I had spent more than a few days keeping to myself, either writing letters to Blonda I never thought I'd post or feeling sorry for myself on the floor over my, ah… rather impolite feelings for Anti-Wanda.
I turned my attention on Anti-Bryndin, accepting his greeting warmly. Business began. The way I saw it, announcing the engagement first increased the odds the High Count would humour my follow-up request for housing assistance - The school would surely bend wings over tail for him - so I did exactly that. Anti-Bryndin looked mildly bemused. I blinked, having expected more energy from the creche father I'd grown up with. I shifted attention to my mother, who seemed equally nonplussed. Nonetheless, both congratulated me. Mona too.
Perhaps I SHOULD be spending more time with Mona's family. Frankly, the lack of gushing irked me. My mum's first son remained unmarried, and probably would be forever (at this rate). Anti-Bryndin and Anti-Buster were the two closest drakes I had to father figures. My mother's your third wife, I thought, clenching my hands to fists. Surely you can spare more enthusiasm than that. I would… My children shall never know a lack of praise, nor feel anything less than doted on when their engagement comes.
"School is okay?" Anti-Bryndin asked. He'd changed the subject, moving on. My engagement meant nothing. And I made my decision then and there that I would seize that First General cloak. I would put my brains to use and win the adoration of my people… Carl Poofypants administration could dodge my request for a room in some passive-aggressive attempt to drive me out, Anti-Lance could toss me aside like I was featherweight, but they were foolish, ignorant boobs. I would push my way into that study abroad godparenting experience. I'd be the first Anti-Fairy to ever graduate from the Academy- the first to ever have a godkid! And I would wear. that. cloak. In fact, with Anti-Phillip as my target, I might even enjoy his suffering more than any stranger's.
I clenched my teeth. School. Anti-Bryndin had asked if it was proceeding all right. "Yes, High Count," I said, and that was all.
Asking for money would be most appropriate over supper… I bit by tongue and bided my time, playing along with social rules. Shortly after, Anti-Bryndin excused himself to his office and my mother went with him. As I floated there, still underwhelmed and whirring my brains, Anti-Phillip finally spoke in the nasally, ear-grating tone of a native Vatajasa speaker.
"Would you care for tea?"
I dragged my eyes to Anti-Phillip's… His gleamed the same coppery colour as his father's- Easy to mistake as red upon first glance, but tinted just orange enough to display the iris virus like a sword. "Ta, mate; tea would be delightful. Thank you, my prince."
I dismissed Mona to her own affairs, which I imagined would consist of chatting with her damsel friends about our engagement and impending wedding. We'd discussed details with her mums regarding our temple visitation plans, so I had no concerns of Mona's ability to convey this to her fellows; she wouldn't need me hanging off her shoulder.
I spent the eve with Anti-Phillip, eyeing him very closely and trying to pretend I wasn't. Unsurprisingly, there weren't many drakes my age left in the Blue Castle, but Anti-Kyler had stayed on to work, and my cousin Anti-Poof joined us, which was (Perhaps pretentiously) likely for the best. I imagine their presence kept our hackles down.
We ate tea and crumpets in the garden, then pursued books in the library just for something to do with our hands while exchanging words about our recent events. I had no end of things to brag about regarding my schooling and the many steps I'd have to complete to be licensed by Amity Safety and Protective Recall Agency as a godparent, even if my application were accepted (as I was sure it would be). There was Mona, of course. I mentioned Anti-Lance, but kept that part brief; "Yes, we split ways before the semester," was just about the end of it.
With some books picked out for reading later, we went out to the courtyard for a spot of croquet, accented by charcuterie. I nearly won the croquet game, falling just short of victory… and glanced up as Anti-Phillip wrecked my ball with his. It burst into a hundred moths upon contact and swirled away.
He's feeling me with probing questions the same way I'm doing to him. Does he suspect my treasonous intentions? … I AM his stepbrother… Anti-Phillip never really called me such to my face, but technically, I was. And if I held a position of power, I'd probably keep a very close eye on my relatives too. Even Anti-Poof, who picked me up and swung me around, celebrating my near-victory anyway. I laughed, kicking against his arms, but my muddled thoughts did not ooze from Anti-Phillip's side.
This would not be easy.
Supper came, and with it, my request for housing assistance. I spoke as clearly and concisely as I could: "There are no more rooms on-campus, and even if there were, the administration won't convert them to feature roosting arrays." Careful, dignified… Not asking directly. Anti-Bryndin entertained me with slow sips of his wine. I bobbed up and down in front of his table, trying to keep my ears from folding back. I'm First General material, I told myself, and clung to that without skirting back to my seat.
"You have left Anti-Lance?"
"Yes, High Count."
"Are you not a creche father?"
I blinked. Am I? Could… could I call myself that when my flock consisted only of Mona and myself? "I suppose-"
BANG! went Anti-Bryndin's hand on the table; I jumped back. "Then be this father and stop being coward," he snarled back, and that was the end of the conversation. My face sizzling with ice, wings aching, I apologised the proper way and retreated to my seat near Anti-Poof and Anti-Kyler. Thank goodness I faced away from Mona, because although I fought to keep my back straight and shoulders eased, I didn't doubt my eyes were raw and teary.
He's never yelled at me before… Or had I just forgotten?
Well, that about secured my plan for the next few weeks… Mona and I couldn't continue to live in the courtyard without a private space to keep our things, and neither of us was skilled enough to consistently store and retrieve items using magic. Mine had been sporadic my whole life anyway, presumably in reflection of Fairy-Cosmo's doings, though I'd not yet learned the reason why. Wanda and Blonda weren't about to let me stay, so I couldn't imagine why anyone else on campus would. Briefly, I entertained the thought of returning to Pixie Village to plea financial aid and influence from the Head Pixie, but the thought of Anti-Bryndin finding out I'd contacted one of his associates would not likely go well for me.
I don't have a choice… I'll have to search for off-campus housing options that permit Anti-Fairies while also juggling the needs of my study abroad application. How dreadfully tiresome… After all, the point of studying abroad is to study someplace else! I wouldn't need the housing much then!
… But Mona would. Because during my study abroad, I'd be paired with the "most compatible person" for me, and she wouldn't be permitted to come. She'd stay behind, planning our wedding until my first trial was over. And Mona couldn't ask around for a rental home. She couldn't really speak to Fairies directly. After all, she was a damsel, so she had to go through me. What a conundrum.
It would be nice if damsels could do more useful things.
But it wasn't until we began preparing for roost that Anti-Phillip's nasally voice really got under my skin… and he made his move. We were placing our things in the shelves set aside for visitors in our roosting room. While I worked through a snag in my hair and she tied hers back, Anti-Phillip leaned forward and took Mona's wrist. "You," he noted, "are still unmarried, your eyes unlit…"
The energy field shifted rhythm like oar strokes in sudden backpedal. My ears pricked up. "U-um," Mona stammered, trying to pull away. Anti-Phillip tightened his grip on her wrist. I moved forward, clamping one hand on Mona's shoulder and the other on my trouser belt. Silent, as a demure Anti-Fairy should be, but firm. Anti-Phillip, however, didn't drop her hand or look away.
"I-it isn't proper to wed a noble if you still have unblessed eyes… Let me please you. You'll please your soulmate better then."
Mona looked to me, the energy field picking up the speed of splashing sounds. She didn't squirm against the prince's touch, but her scarlet eyes said everything they needed to. I pushed forward, this time placing myself between Mona and Anti-Phillip (forcing him to let go). I leaned one hand to his shoulder.
"Anti-Saffron is my dame. Prince or not, you've no claim to her."
But instead of squeaking, nodding, or apologising to me - all of which were typical of him (in that self-same order), Anti-Phillip gazed down at me with smirky amusement prancing in his half-closed eyes. "You're very rough tonight…"
"First General, I'm rough any night you intend to take my betrothed as your own."
"I could please you both at roost," he said softly. "You, me… Anti-Saffron between us."
Did I hear that right? I blinked. Pulling back, I stepped closer to Mona; she shuffled a step back towards the wall. "Thank you for the offer, but we're not interested."
"Just you, then." In the flick of a wing, he whipped behind me, putting himself between Mona and I - impossibly fast, maybe with a bit of poofing - and his fangs flashed so pearly white, every mermaid in the world would've fallen into jealousies. "I'm the prince, and F-First General above that. I can have any damsel I want… The High Count allows it. If you please me tonight, Anti-Saffron can sit out. You're the one I've had my eye on. E-ever since we were juveniles."
The sudden memory of Anti-Bryndin requesting I consider giving myself to Anti-Phillip as his first taste of karma flashed across my mind. That had been 10,000 years ago; I'd just turned 150,000. My reply had been that I appreciated the offer, but would consider it when I was older. Had Anti-Phillip sought his father's favour for a union between us even then?
… Does… Anti-Bryndin not see me as…?
"Anti-Phillip, that's… not appropriate." When he didn't respond, his mouth a tight line, I tried again. "You're my stepbrother."
Even a Fairy probably heard the snap in the energy field that I did then. Mona and several other Anti-Fairies around the roosting room jerked up their heads. Anti-Phillip trembled in front of me, opening and shutting his fists. He looked like he'd been smacked… or stabbed through the core.
"You don't count." Venom licked up every word; I ran mental calculations, trying to decide if I should submit to him in apology or if he was meant to submit to me. It's him… I'm older-" Your father was a kitchen servant."
I have to get out of here. I have to find Anti-Bryndin. Should I poof away? I'd have to squirm past Anti-Phillip to reach my wand, which I'd unbuckled and set in the visitors' cubbyhole after putting on my pyjamas. The dreaded thought that Anti-Phillip had waited specifically for the moment I'd separated from it lurked in the back of my mind. "You can't come onto me," I said, keeping my voice low. Others were listening. He didn't deserve public shame. "I'm a Water year."
"I'm First General," he repeated, amber-red eyes sparking bright. "I… I'm allowed to sing with anyone I want, unless they're married. You're not. And if I want you… You have to say yes."
"A-Anti-Phillip, I don't think you're allowed to ask that of a family member. We're allowed to marry, we're allowed to be sociosexual, and we're even permitted to share karma, but touching in… in singing, for the sake of passion, is crossing a line." My arms shook. I kept shaping words. "And I'm older." I pushed that part again even as ice crept up my back, wrapping my throat like a tangle of vines curling towards my mouth. "Do you ever read about Twis coming on to Sunnie?"
By this point, our squabble had attracted the attention of our crechemates. People drifted closer, some of them ready to soothe us if we didn't soothe ourselves. My legs trembled, teeth chattering, but I did not back down. Anti-Phillip still separated me from Mona, but from the edge of my awareness, I could sense her creeping away.
"I'm First General," he said again. "And you're not my brother. You have to say 'Yes.'"
"Then perhaps Anti-Saffron and I will roost someplace else tonight."
"'Perhaps," he mimicked, "I'll- I'll just sing with Anti-Saffron. You… you could tell me 'No' when we were on migration, but you're in my colony now."
I opened my mouth… and clicked it shut again. "Er…"
I mean… Mona wasn't related to him, even by marriage (like I was). They'd both been born in the Soil year, so the zodiac remained intact. And he was First General… and she was unmarried and a damsel… I bobbed up and down, wings wispy in my silence, not sure what else to do.
So I did not stop him. Not when he turned to her again, pulling her closer by the arm. Not when Mona shot me a pleading glance over her shoulder. Not when Anti-Phillip hovered over her the whole rest of the time her shaking hands prepared herself for roost? What could I do? I glanced around at my fellow nobles, wishing either my mother or Anti-Bryndin were present… though I don't suppose they would have interfered. My eyes caught Anti-Coleen's. We held the look in silence, then returned to brushing our hair.
I'm sorry, Mona… I'll make it up to you. We'll be married soon enough, and then this will never happen again. In fact, when you think about it… This is really Mona's fault for postponing our wedding in the first place. I offered many months ago. We were meant to be wed by December, but December had come and gone.
This wasn't my fault.
Apart from the obvious, I didn't see Mona at all that night. But I did wake early and, not spying her under the wing of a sleepy Anti-Phillip, I left the roost in search of her. I must have walked twice around the castle, but finally tracked her to the greenhouse, wherein she wept on Anti-Wanda's shoulder. I paused in the doorway. Should I interrupt? I never understand the damsel social rules.
I guess… They're exchanging stories of Anti-Phillip? After all, he did light Anti-Wanda's eyes when she joined the camarilla.
But sensing me, they did wrap things up. Anti-Saffron sniffed and rubbed her tears away. Addressing her, Anti-Wanda gripped her shoulders and said, "Talk to me any time you wanna, okay? Just come find me."
"Th-thank you…"
The sound of sweet string instruments echoed in the energy field. They gazed into each other's eyes for… a little too long, actually. My wings prickled at my back. I flicked my gaze left and right, claws curling in my trousers, and debated whether or not to clear my throat. Erm…
Then, like a sudden snap, they both blinked and looked away. I collected Mona and dragged her outside the greenhouse door. Once it was shut, I dropped her hand and turned on my heel. "What the devil are you doing? You're a visiting damsel- Anti-Wanda's on the camarilla! It's completely inappropriate to talk to her, gods forbid cry on her."
"She's the one who approached me-"
"Well, Anti-Wanda's out of line too. For smoke's sake, woman- Don't you ever think?"
Mona opened her mouth to respond, but before she could, a poof of blue-grey smoke burst between us, forcing me back. After I'd coughed and fanned the worst of it from my face, I looked up to see Anti-Wanda. Before I could even speak, she grabbed my shirt and yanked me in until our noses bumped.
"You," she spat, spewing saliva, "are a creep, and the stupidest drake I have EVER met."
I stopped. My ears twitched back. "Pardon?"
Anti-Wanda fumbled for words. Nothing especially coherent left her, but glory, did she spike the beat of my core into panic with the way she hauled me into the air by my shirt, her claws twisting so hard, they likely pinched the fabric. Across the mental link, I felt both Cosmo and Dame Cosmo jolt to attention, shoving their magic my way. But the rush of it just left me feeling like I'd choke and die. I squeezed my eyes shut, letting Anti-Wanda shake me at her will. It… it wasn't really my place to argue if she snapped at me. I was vlakrina. She was vla. And I am nothing but a respecter of tradition and custom.
Glory, do I try…
When she finally put me down again, I fixed my monocle and reached out a steadying hand. "Anti-Wanda, I'm so sorry- I shouldn't have spoken back. I didn't mean-"
"Don't apologise to me… 'pologise to her." Anti-Wanda threw back her head, grabbing her hair, and finally found her words. "D'you have any idea what it's like ta be a damsel? Everyone's always bossin' you around and they don't listen to you, they just want you to be a pretty face?"
Mite hypocritical coming from the camarilla's Seat of Sky, I thought. My Ilisa memories were no help here- When I searched for them, the mental picture of Ilisa that floated in my head simply shrugged, leaving me to handle this on my own. Hmph. I bit my tongue a moment, then could hold it no longer. "I very nearly got swept up too. Had I not been a Water year, I should think Anti-Phillip would have had a leg to stand on. And I'm his relative."
"I's his relative!" Anti-Wanda flung both hands towards her bright pink eyes. I blinked, jumping through the mental maths. With a glance at Anti-Saffron, Anti-Wanda grabbed my arm and hauled me a few steps away. "He's my cousin… He sang t'me too."
I hesitated. To my knowledge, Anti-Robin and I had only two cousins: Anti-Poof and Anti-Estella, though the latter's son Anti-Lyren was so close to my age, I tended to count him instead. "It must not be wrong," I said. "The Seelie marry their cousins… Well, perhaps not as much as they used to, I've learned in my time dwelling with them, but I digress. And Seelie marriages are sexual things. Anti-Wanda, don't be daft… If it were wrong, Anti-Phillip wouldn't have done it. He's… He's the future High Count."
Anti-Wanda looked at me in what I might call absolute shock. We parted after a few more words between us, and none of them left me feeling pleasant. I approached Mona more carefully this time, clearing my throat. When she lifted her head, the yellow glow in her eyes was unmistakable. The iris virus had transferred from Anti-Phillip to her.
… And I didn't get to do it. I didn't get to hold her… look at her…
I extended my arm. "I'm so terribly sorry you're upset, Mona… but once we're married, this will never happen again. This, I swear."
Mona and I worked on our relationship for weeks after that. At least, I liked to think so. While my body seemed reluctant to commit, my brilliant mind knew exactly what it wanted and wasn't about to let it slip away. Not without a fight. Mona had delayed our marriage one time already and nearly broken it off another. I couldn't afford to lose her. Losing her meant losing the dame I'd told all my plans to - the dame who'd agreed to my wild ideas without complaint - and I'd have sooner swallowed a porcupine with its spines still attached.
So between my many failed attempts to secure us off-campus housing, I doted on her with all the fondness of a dragon in heat. Anything she wanted, I encouraged. We stockpiled new dresses and tunics, telling no one of our plan to switch clothing once we could finally get away with it (Away from the members of our old colony who'd recognize us if we weren't careful… away from all of this). We dined wherever Mona wanted. I brought her white chocolate covered cockroaches without even snitching and tickets to theatre shows. We visited markets. Art shows. All manner of enjoyable parks and wildlife preserves. I even signed us up to pet animals at the zoo.
And little by little… I think her second thoughts about our engagement began to disappear.
In the meantime, I researched Amity Safety and Protective Recall Agency's rules for applying as a godparent and jumped through every hoop they tossed my way. Besides the letters of recommendation, there were personal statements, resumés, personality tests, general knowledge exams, and in-person performance tests with shapeshifters who'd apparently aced the "bratty child" aspect of living among youth. And you wouldn't believe it if I told you how many papers I had to sign - and how many face-to-face talks I was summoned for - meant to make it explicitly clear that if I were accepted, I was not to express sociosexual behaviour to my assigned godchild. Please… I didn't do that to Fairies, did I?
Personally I didn't mind the paperwork, but Wanda Prime complained often within earshot, especially in the caféteria. Apparently, back in her father's youth, most people got into the program simply by expressing interest and perhaps knowing a guy or two.
"I think it's better this way," I finally told her. "Miserable children can be a handful, and a godparent's job is not to rock the boat and make their lives any worse. Not just anyone can work with children, and it's foolish to allow that without proper vetting."
She stopped grumbling so much after that, but I think Blonda may have had a private word with her.
But the interpersonal communication… Now, that's where I think I really played my hand. Though my nerves looped over and over in my stomach, I had a plan. An ingenious one, some might say.
You may recall that an alux dame called Iris Needlebark had been pushing to add Unwinged Angels to ASPRA's godparenting roster, and furthermore, the Head Pixie implied he might have some personal interest in her. I arranged a meet-up with her early on, and to my delight, she accepted. Had she read the Head Pixie's letter of recommendation? I couldn't be sure, but we met in her office one night and discussed all manner of godparent-related things. Although thin, Iris had a firm, no-nonsense air about her… along with the height and muscled arms to match. I could tell immediately why the Head Pixie liked her- Apart from a few 'Um's, she was direct and spoke without shame or hesitation. Straightforward. Bossy. Loud. Bright purple hair in a very peculiar shade (Maybe plum). Everything Anti-Fairy dames weren't. But, well… He had his preferences. I had mine.
Iris certainly knew her stuff; I spoke to her with all the charm I had, polite as a valravn waiting his turn upon a carcass. From what I gathered, she'd been working at ASPRA headquarters for some time, reading monthly reports from godparents working on the planet Boudacia. "Long commute," I said, and we laughed a bit about the poofing costs these days.
But see, Iris wasn't an official head of a godparenting branch, however much she was pushing to be. I set up a few more meetings with those who were. But now that I'd met Iris personally, I could spin my knowledge of Anti-Fairy indirect communication this way and that, slipping praise for her in between the lines of future talks. I can't say for certain how much it helped, but the Head Pixie had asked I make the effort in exchange for his favorable letter, and I'm nothing if not a drake of my word.
The weeks flickered by, each more bearable than the last… especially once I did, at last, secure a room for Mona and myself. The residence was small, but it was indoors… and it would keep us warm enough. Wanda and Blonda helped us move in all our things. And perhaps secret whispers were exchanged between my fairy lover and myself as we sorted through papers in a corner of the room.
Our place had an outdoor entrance, so we wouldn't likely run into the Fairies renting us out the space. They were nice enough. Both older, but not terribly so- Maybe a bit more than the Head Pixie age, which placed them old enough to remember what Fairy World was like before the war, but too young to fight in it themselves. They were both damsels and reminded Mona and I both of her mums, so we liked them immensely.
What the room lacked, though, was an array tree. Our hosts were gracious enough to inform us of this in advance and ask where to find an appropriate accommodation, like a roosting bar, but I made a trip back to Anti-Fairy World to get an authentic one myself. I certainly wasn't about to trust Fairy manufacturers with roost sturdiness or comfort. Mona and I slept on the floor the first night (and Mona one more without me), but I had the bar installed by morning. All on my own! Covered in sawdust, blinking through tired eyes, but I came through.
Anti-Bryndin was right… This DOES make me feel like a creche father. And I'm providing for my damsel.
Mona and I made progress. The more we experimented with our intimacy, the easier I found it to crack my dome, which was a relief to both of us. And living alone, locked safely in our private room, no one could judge if we switched our garments. Well, not our undergarments, of course… We kept our Soil- and Water-coloured things on our respective persons, I assure you.
I helped Mona into my clothes first. Some of my most masculine ones, complete with buttons, suspenders, and my jacket. We wrapped fabric around her breasts, trying to flatten them. But Mona kept requesting it be tighter, they be flatter. I hesitated, fearful I might hurt her… but did as she asked. And all of it without using magic. The nature spirits were not shamed that night.
When I tied back her hair, Mona let out a soft gasp. I looked up, unsure, and caught her reflection in the mirror.
"Oh… Mona, you look…"
"Look lots like a drake," she murmured back. She reached her fingertips to the mirror. And wasn't that puzzling? There she stood in my garments, her hair pulled back the way I sometimes pulled mine in a low pegasustail. I held the brush and remaining ties in either hand. We stared in silence at her face in the mirror. The brush… shook.
"Mona… I mean no offence, for you know I love your feminine charms… but I have never felt the sweeping urge to sing with you as much as I do in this moment. Oh, smoke… Smoke, come to roost right now."
"Shh, stay… Let's linger."
"Yes, all right." It was only fair she wanted to enjoy her time in a gentledrake's clothes before I began to mess with her. But as I studied her, one thought dominated my mind like a gryphon defending its hoard: I wish she'd take charge tonight looking like that. I scratched my claws lightly at my pouch, separated by that Water-blue undergarment that covered me from shoulders to ankles. I said nothing, of course, not daring to bring up the thought of a Soil acting dominant towards a Water after how poorly received my secret whims had been in Anti-Lance's ears… but oh, how badly I wanted it. And I thought again of Blonda, biting my lip so hard, it must've torn.
Blonda will play to my fantasies… She's not an Anti-Fairy. She won't say 'No.' It wouldn't be the same, but it might be close enough.
At my request, we saved Mona's dress for another day. I wanted nothing more to pace circles around her, admiring the wrinkles in my clothes and how they lay against her form. No… This was exciting enough, for now… It kept me satisfied at night. I'd save trying on her dress for when my feelings inevitably began to wane. The mystery - the intrigue - lurked in the corner of the room, where the dress set aside for me hung every night that Mona wore my clothes.
Things went well enough from there. At least, we were preparing for our wedding day and weren't arguing over details. I let her handle most of it while I focused on school, which she seemed content with, and so was I.
Spring migration had come and gone by the time Fairy-Wanda and I heard back about our godparenting applications (and I'd still gone without a word of reply from Cosmo, though I'd sent him a follow-up letter not long after the first). I left Mona to seek Anti-Blade's company if she wished while my days were spent tutoring Anti-Wanda. I watched the crowds of Anti-Fairies for someone who spiked my attraction, preferably a Love or Fire year, but my interest remained, apparently, consistently flat.
I avoided Anti-Lance, though to his credit, he didn't out me for what I'd requested back when we lived together. Briefly, I did consider asking Anti-Wanda, but doing so risked breaking our vla-vlakrina relationship, which lay in her hands. I didn't dare. I watched her from across our library table instead, resting my cheek in hand. When Anti-Wanda looked up and asked why I was staring, I spoke honestly.
"You don't often wear skirts. I admire that."
She scoffed, rolling her eyes before returning to her papers. "You's such a creep."
"Am I? Pray tell."
"I've got a boyfriend."
Yes, and what a thorough nuisance your loyalty to him must be. But I wasn't honest enough to say that part.
Anyway, migration went swimmingly enough, and I found a note magically attached to our door when Mona and I returned home again.
Big news! Come over!
- Wanda
'Come over?' To her room? At what time? The note didn't say. But after dropping off our things, Mona and I poofed to campus to see what all the fuss was about. I'd scarcely cleared my throat, hand still lifting to tap the door to the twins' room, when it flew open. And there was Wanda… Her bouncy pink curls, a turquoise dress, a diamond smile, and somehow more beautiful in that moment than even Blonda.
"We got accepted! I read your mail."
"You read my mail?" I repeated.
"Not on purpose," she said, shaking her hands in front of her to ward off any accusation. "And I felt so bad, I want to cook you a nice dinner. But the pheromones on your letter pretty much give it away. Here- Open it."
"You've taken all my mail?" I asked, completely perplexed. Nonetheless, I took a look at the haul Wanda dumped on the counter. Several envelopes would need my attention later, but I found the one that had Wanda in a tizzy - addressed from Amity Safety and Protective Recall Agency - and unslit the top with a claw.
Dear Anti-Cosmo,
We've greatly enjoyed looking over your project submissions and getting to know you in the past few weeks. We've been very impressed with your schooling and would like to formally invite you to attend our assignments conference on the 2nd Wednesday of June this year.
"… I got into the godparent program. I'm an Anti-Fairy." I looked up. Wanda practically had wings on her heels, bouncing at the far side of the counter, her hands pressed flat to the surface. Quite frankly, she looked as though at any moment, she might burst into confetti shreds. There were many more words than that in the letter, but I abandoned it, caught up in the moment, and wrapped Mona in my arms. "I got accepted!"
"There's a meeting," Wanda said, no less giddy and flushed than I was; I couldn't even sit down, wrists shaking and core flying like a crow. "It's in two Wednesdays- It's where they pair us up and give us the rundown of study abroad."
"Yes, yes, I know- I was in class too," but there was no bite in my words. My wings had already taken off for higher clouds.
A godparent… I'd filled the application. I'd shown up to the trainings. I'd jumped through all the hoops. I didn't actually think they'd accept an Anti-Fairy! I don't think they'd ever accepted an Anti-Fairy, though that's possibly my braggart side taking full control.
Wanda stuffed us full of good cooking, and Mona and I stayed on a bit to play games with her and Blonda. They even broke out the sugar. I refrained myself, but Mona seemed to like the candy… and I didn't mind the mood it put her in when we were alone again. I'll tell you that for free.
I'm a godparent!
The weeks after spring migration always keep me busy playing catch-up. I dedicated all my time to schoolwork and turned my last item in the Tuesday before our conference. On Wednesday, I dressed in my most put-together way, complete with buttoned morning coat (Blue, of course), black trousers, a fine cravat, and my monocle where it always sat on my good eye. I'd even shined my crown and rubbed a special product in my hair. Turning to myself in the mirror, I paused.
… I don't look like a silly rapscallion scampering around with a bachelor colony anymore. "I look quite distinguished." And handsome as well, in case that wasn't implied. Gone was my black shirt with its short sleeves and zodiac colours. Gone were the white shorts I'd worn through much of my adolescence- the ones with the evil-looking skulls stitched on the rear pockets, though I loved them so. I fiddled with my cravat and the sides of my morning coat. Hmm… I rather like this look. Perhaps I ought to dress like this more often.
There's quite a culture in the cloudlands, you know, of choosing one style of dress and sticking to it long-term. So many clothes must be custom-fit, it's easier to commit to one look and multiply it (or wash it every day, as Mona usually did with ours). Perhaps I wouldn't mind sticking to this one. I turned to show Mona, holding my arms to either side. The way her brows lifted, eyes a little wider, told me she liked it a little more than she deigned to say. But from the way she lingered, snuggled up, and even purred while smoothing my lapels suggested we'd have some fun undressing tonight indeed. Perhaps… that would be enough to leave me satisfied? (For once, for once.)
I'd asked ahead, and Mona was invited to the godparent conference so she might hear of what I'd experience this next year - or however long this study abroad lasted - and know how best to support me, and what it might mean for her. Mona and I had agreed in advance that were I accepted, she'd return home to the Anti-Bentleaf colony and enjoy the company of her mums while I did my work. She'd put the finishing touches on our wedding plans and we'd be married when I came home. Married… at last.
"You look handsome," Mona told me one last time on our way inside the building, arm in arm. I smirked, leaning up to peck her chin.
"Darling, don't I know it?"
There must have been 60 or 70 fairies in that room, the whole place buzzing with wings and anticipation. Everywhere you looked, golden crowns reflected bright light and everyone sparkled, shaking their colourful hair. After looking around a moment, I made my way to Wanda. She stood with her boyfriend, Juandissimo, who'd also dressed sharp for the evening. I recognised immediately from the stinging ripple in the energy field that he was for the most part being ignored by other attendees - if not outright frowned at - but nonetheless, he greeted me warmly.
"Are you going abroad too?" I asked, but Juandissimo only smiled.
"No, señor- I'm an Academy fairy now. My study abroad came and went many years back. I will, of course, support you both. Seek me out with any advice, if you choose."
"Really? And who did you partner with?"
"Ah, a dame by the name Melody Fable."
"I'll have to keep my ears out."
We browsed the snack table - I skipped the cheese, but took some crackers - and took the chance to network with other hopefuls who'd made it this far, just like us. To my knowledge, our study abroad would test our skills in the field as well and grant opportunity to live with our godkids as though we were really, truly assigned. In fact, for all intents and purposes, we were assigned- The godkids wouldn't know the difference. There would be monthly reports to fill and a lifestyle adjustment headed our way, but personally… I looked forward to all of it. My whole life, from Spellementary on, had been leading up to this. How many Anti-Fairies could say they'd stood in this room? Could say that'd been assigned?
"These crackers are delicious," I muttered to Wanda, who shook her head in amusement and filled her plate with some white-coloured cheese, banana chips, and tiny dark chocolate chunks. Scrumptious event. Perhaps I'd request charcuterie just like it for my wedding.
Our conference was overseen by multiple individuals, but most notably, a violet-haired fairy called Drk. Glitterbit. I sat near the middle of one row with Mona, Wanda, and Juandissimo. With my perfect memory, taking notes seemed unnecessary. I scribbled a few on the back of a pamphlet anyway, copying some of the drawings for further scrutinising back home. It made me look busy and attentive. With the sideways glances I attracted, I do think it helped.
The first phase opened rather dully, touching on logistics and paperwork information when all of us were really bouncing in preparation for our assignments. But soon enough, the ball got rolling. Now, this was where our aptitude tests and personality assessments really came through. Pair by pair were poofed to the front of the room in a cloud of magic that made my skin crawl even where I sat. They were presented by name, each handed an envelope with their location assignment, and dismissed to their seats again- to thunderous applause. My core began to beat. My claws tapped against my chair. And at last, at last… Fairy magic swelled in my nostrils, and it was my turn.
I popped from my seat, only to materialise at the front of the room, stinging from Fairy magic in my fur. While I coughed, Drk. Glitterbit gestured with a great arm and bellowed, "Anti-Cosmo Anti-Lunifly and Wanda Fairywinkle!"
I'm paired with Wanda? Bright lights, hot magic, and the noise of the crowd made my head spin. But when I looked up, it was true… Wanda floated a wingspan away from me, looking absolutely stunned. Every blink gave the impression she'd caught dust in her eye. Nonetheless, she took her envelope without a word. I took mine.
Oh, this is a lark… Let us hope Blonda wouldn't be too jealous of this one-on-one time I had with her sister. Patience, my luv. It's just until the child loses us, one way or another. Either we'd turn his life around so misery no longer haunted him, or he'd hit age of majority eventually. Or 'she.' Whichever.
"Fairy godpartners," I whispered as we floated back to our seats. I reached for her hand to give a squeeze. Wanda moved it away. Well. But, partners! Can you believe it? My smile felt painted on in the best possible way, and no amount of scrubbing was about to wipe it off.
I hardly heard the remaining presentation- Something about observing our godchild in secrecy and choosing appropriate disguises, though our envelopes would contain helpful suggestions. Paired with Wanda… How delightful! This study abroad promised to be quite fun. And I'd be with Wanda? Counterpart of the dame I'd been tutoring? Why, I practically knew Wanda through her counterpart… They must be total opposites.
She and I must have scored quite similarly on our personality assessments to end up paired… You know, I can see that. We were both sharp, organised people who knew exactly what we wanted. Wanda had scored high marks even in the advanced classes, right there alongside me. And I, for one, couldn't wait to see where that would take us.
Godpartners! With Wanda!
The assignments drew to a close soon enough, and Drk. Glitterbit, tall and fancy-dressed, stood to give us his closing words. It felt like a storybook, especially with the scent of chocolate in the air. "The third Friday of July, you are all to report to Amity Central Headquarters in Faeheim with all your belongings for a semester of study abroad. Be punctual. Until then, brush up on your culture studies and finish these last weeks of school strong. Enjoy your semester break."
With that, we were dismissed to mingle, network, and enjoy provided treats at our leisure. Done and done. I turned excitedly on Wanda, who still sat in her chair like a wilting fern. Pah! Was the reality of leaving home only just reaching her?
"Well, darling… It would seem it benefits us both if we comb through our extensive rrrules and regulations regarding this assignment together. Now then, seeing as you provided a wonderful meal when we learned we were accepted, allow me to treat you to dinner this evening. We'll dine at Haven Wand; no, no trouble. I insist."
Wanda recoiled when I patted her hand. The way her spine twisted suggested she expected spider legs and cockroaches crawling along it at any moment. "Like a date…"
"Like an outing between close friends," I corrected, keeping my arm extended despite the fact she'd drawn away. "Oh, do come with me, darling. I long to share in the reveal of our temporary home with the damsel I'll be working in tandem with."
This time, she didn't make an attempt to suppress her shudder. I tried not to let that bother me as we wrapped up our networking and bid farewell to newfound friends. I took Mona home. But soon enough, Wanda and I met up to dine together properly. I took her for waffles. It seemed appropriate, light and cheery as they were.
Once the waitress stepped aside, I leaned forward on my fingertips. "Well, my dear? Shall we unroll those parchments now?"
"Before we even get our appetisers?" Wanda asked in mock horror. She pulled hers from her satchel and lay it on the table in front of mine, one hand on the knotted cord. I mirrored her gesture. We nodded.
"On the count of three," she said.
"One," I counted, and tore open my scroll. She snorted; I flashed a smirk. "Wanda, luv, I'm a dirty cheater. I'm so excited that I simply couldn't wait another moment. Ahaha, here it is!" My chest swelled. I lay one hand against my head. "Be still, Cosmo's beating core. Here. Dear Anti-Cosmo Anti-Lunifly, under Amity Safety and Protective Recall Agency, you are hereby assigned to spend a semester godparenting abroad in…"
"… Boudacia?" Wanda asked, staring down at her own scroll.
We looked up at one another. It did make sense, and explained why we'd been paired- We'd both passed Secondary Advanced Boudacian Studies with flying colours. I clutched both fists over my mouth, the squeal leaping off my tongue. "We're going to Boudacia!"
"We're going to Boudacia," Wanda echoed, dropping her face in her hands.
"We'll be living abroad in the metalwork capital of the universe!"
"And a warzone wherever you step."
"Waitress? Change my buttered waffles to cinnamon, and slather on the white chocolate with no restraint. I'm in the mood to celebrate." I threw both rolls of parchment in the air; they fell like sheets of rain. "We're going to Boudacia!"
Shout-out to any Origin of the Pixies readers who remember Anti-Phillip hinting his crush on Anti-Cosmo to H.P. in "From Straw to Gold." When Anti-Cosmo mentions Anti-Bryndin asking him to let Anti-Phillip drink his karma when they're older, he's referencing Chapter 24, "The Bar Code."