Chapter 78*

Aria's POV*

My mom didn't speak the whole ambulance ride. Cold radiated from the clinical setting, leaving me shivering, and apparently worrying the paramedic who was looking after me. I didn't remember her name, barely recognizing the brunette as a new person. If Jason hadn't talked me down after I had woken up, terrified at the looming presence above me, I doubted I would have stayed conscious. The sweet dark oblivion had reached out for me, cradling me and transporting me to where the lingering twinges of pain on my body didn't respond to the visual reminder of just where they had come from. Instead, I was trapped in the cold clinical moving room, where a stranger was prodding me and trying to check my vital signs. It didn't feel like my heart was even beating right now, everything in my chest felt frozen, so I wasn't sure what the readings were going to look like.

I missed Jason. Hated watching him leave me behind in the ambulance, even if it was to let my mom stay with me, and I had wanted my mom by my side. I wanted him with me too. He was easy. Comfortable. His warmth would have enveloped me and driven back the fear that was threatening to consume me every time I felt someone's hand touch me. Would have offered me a place to bury my head and pretend that I wasn't back in an ambulance heading for the hospital. I closed my eyes, counting my breaths, as though that would trick my quaking body into thinking that Jason was here. I could feel my mom's hand reaching out, holding onto mine. But it only made me want to sob.

Tonight had been a nightmare. For a few moments, when the images in the frames had changed, I thought it was just a bad dream. My overactive imagination stressing me about the gallery opening tonight, putting on a horror show of memories and maybe my assumptions of what the other girls had gone through. But then I had woken back up, back into the same nightmare that unconsciousness had let me abandon for a few minutes. And I knew then it was real. You don't wake back up in a nightmare. At least not any nightmares outside of the dollhouse. Where it was nearly impossible to tell what was real and what wasn't. The terror sliding into my dreams, along with the throbbing, aching pain that radiated out from every cut, scrape, or bruise that marred my skin.

"We'll be at the hospital in just a few minutes, okay Aria?" the paramedic asked me, I knew she had told me her name earlier, but I couldn't remember it now.

"Yeah." my voice was shaky, croaking out into the quiet ambulance around me.

I looked around at the walls, it was a small space. There weren't really a lot of things to distract me, not that there weren't medical devices and accoutrements virtually everywhere, but it wasn't that interesting. I couldn't handle looking at my mom though. The hesitation that she had showed about getting into the ambulance with me had been enough. Another round of shivering hit me, and I felt her rubbing my hand as though to get some warmth back into it. Guilt and shame flooded me. She didn't want to be here with me. And I couldn't blame her. I had hid everything that happened down in the bunker. Wanting to protect her. Wanting to protect Sarah. And also wanting to protect myself. But now she knew what had happened. The images that were pulled straight from my worst nightmares literally put on display for all the world to see. And now my mom knew what had happened to me. Knew where those marks that had made her wince before I covered them up with make up had come from.

My mouth watered as nausea rose up in me, and my hand flew to my mouth, pulling out of her grasp in a pathetic attempt to stop the rising urge to vomit. My torso was already contracting as I started to retch and suddenly there was a small container thrust in front of my face. Where I emptied the meager contents of my stomach with a hacking noise.

My eyes watered, probably from a combination of the retching, the acrid smell, and my despair that I was still puking all the time. My anti-nausea medication doing nothing to help me out. I spit one last time into the container, hating the feeling in my mouth right now. I wanted to rinse my mouth out. But it looked like that was going to have to wait until we got to the hospital. The ambulance rocked a little as we turned, the movement more sedate in the back than I had expected. I hadn't spent a lot of time in cars without a seatbelt on, given the amount of risks that had loomed up around me over the last few years, it didn't feel worth it to hazard anything else. There was no telling when Charles would decide it was the right moment to crash my car.

A hiccuping laugh broke from my mouth, and I could feel the concern radiating off my mom as she paused in her motions rubbing my back. The paramedic was saying my name, her voice sounding behind the rushing sound of my blood. It was hard to focus right now.

"You need to breathe, Aria. Are you still nauseous?" her voice came through, and I took a big breath. The pressure releasing from my lungs.

"Are you sure you didn't hit your head?" she asked, eyes darting between me and my mom.

I frowned, had they asked me about that before. I hadn't thought so. But my head didn't hurt. Surely if I had hit the ground and smacked my head then I would feel something like a bump. Or pain. More than just the overwhelming emotions that were ripping through me and destroying my attention.

"No, I don't think so." my voice sounded weak, too obvious that I didn't know. "Everything just went black. I don't remember."

The memory of the way that my lungs had completely given out on me returned. The tightening around my throat, hands gripping tightly and choking the air from my body was back. That the world had closed around me, turning my vision into a pinhole before it all went black. I could feel the trembling worsen, not fully able to be shut down since I had been in this cold tiny space. But now I was shaking so much that the sound of the metal stretcher that I was sitting on rattling against its fastenings in the ambulance were noticeable.

"It's okay, Aria. Just breathe. That's all you need to focus on right now." the paramedic soothed, trying to calm me back down. I didn't think it was going to work.

Still, I nodded my head and tried to just focus on my breathing. Ignoring the way that my muscles tensed and spasmed painfully. I just needed to get to the hospital and hopefully Dr. Edmonds would be in. And could help fix whatever was happening to me. By the time that the ambulance pulled to a stop, the driver getting out of the cab and coming around to the back, my breathing was close to normal.

"Okay, Aria. We're going to wheel you in. So just stay relaxed on the stretcher." she tried to soothe, glancing over at my mom. "Mom, you can hold her hand and walk beside if that will help."

The transport back into the hospital felt awkward. Too much like coming back from the dollhouse for me not to freak out a little. It felt like I was right back where I had started. Still desperately trying to escape the nightmare that had clung too tightly to me. But this time I was alone. Despite my mom holding on to my hand, I felt more alone this time than the last. The girls were too far away. No one here understood the fear that came with the bright lights, the prone position. A flash of that terrible cold room, built to look like a morgue struck me, the cold against my bare back, skin covered in goose flesh.

The paramedic was talking, apparently passing me off to some of the hospital staff. But it was a blur of motion and too bright of fluorescent lights for me to be able to focus on exactly what was happening. I ended up tucked behind a curtain, with a nurse and the paramedic waiting for me.

"Alright, Aria. We want to move you to the exam table. Do you want to try moving yourself? Or we can lift you." she offered, and though my limbs felt like they were about to collapse, made of limp noodles instead of muscle and bone, I knew that I needed to move myself. I couldn't stand the thought of them moving me. Hated the idea that it was even on the table, giving them that amount of contact and power over me. I needed what little control I could wrest from this situation.

"I can do it." I tried to sound confident, but knew it fell flat.

But still she nodded her head. Offering a hand to help me make the transition. I brought my legs down and sat all the way up. The rush of blood to my head causing the world to tilt haphazardly, and for a moment, I thought that I was going to puke again. But I swallowed it down, along with the saliva that had formed in my mouth. The swallow was scratchy and gross, but I could do this. My feet touched the floor, heavy boots pulling me down and dragging me slightly off the stretcher. I practically fell into the exam bed, it wasn't controlled despite the paramedic reaching out to steady me as I made the transition. Once I was far enough back on the bed that I wasn't going to topple off, I pulled my legs up and wrapped my arms around them. It helped reduce the shivering that I was trying to contain, despite the aching pain in my spasming muscles.

I tuned out what was happening as the paramedic left and the nurse began checking over my vital signs. Only responding when absolutely necessary, so that they could make sure that I didn't have any head trauma. As the nurse slipped out of the little curtained area, going to collect a kit to draw my blood, silence reigned between my mom and me. The awkwardness that I had felt since I had been placed in the back of the ambulance swelling with every moment that she didn't say anything. I couldn't even completely curl up to preserve my warmth, given the string of monitors that she had left on my arms and hand, the beeps of my heartbeat filling the air.

The nurse returning after a minute, hands clasped around a plastic kit somehow soothed me. Despite the fact that as she pulled the little cart over towards me to give her a workplace I knew that she was about to stab me.

"I understand that you're taking iron supplements for anemia, right?" she asked the air, barely even a question. But it was something when my mom and I were stuck in a holding pattern of not knowing how to have a conversation.

"Yeah, I started them yesterday."

She murmured some reassurances as she swabbed at the crease of my elbow with a wipe and slid the needle in. The piercing pain was more unsettling than actually painful, but all the same I had to look away. Unable to watch the skin break and blood flow up into the needle without wanting to gag. Tears burned behind my eyelids as I turned my face towards the ceiling, letting the angle mask the pain and despair that were sure to be twisting my features.

"Alright, I'm going to take this to the lab and the doctor will be in soon." the nurse assured, patting at the bandage she had placed over the tiny hole in my arm and disappearing behind the curtain.

My head swam a little, even from the small amount of blood that she had drawn. I let my body close back up again, burying my face against the soft fabric of my tights. Feeling exposed, the fabric too tight fitting and thin to offer any real protection. Suddenly the way that the nylon felt against my skin was too slick and I had to swallow down the nausea and panic that were threatening to rise up again.

"Alright, Ms. Montgomery, how are we doing tonight?" A man's voice cut in, sending my head rocking backwards to see where he was.

"Where's Dr. Edmonds?" I asked, the fear in my voice pitching it higher and I had to cough to relax it again.

"Dr. Edmonds isn't on shift tonight. So I'll be taking care of you." he offered with a smile, and I could feel every muscle in my body tensing. "Is that alright?"

"Are they any other female doctors working tonight?" I hazarded, feeling awkward trying to avoid working with this man.

He was at least older, not in his early career, judging by the grey in his hair, and the wrinkles across his forehead and around his eyes. But it didn't make me feel any better as he moved further into the room. The air around him like a physical force that made me want to recoil, and that I couldn't keep from taking in a gasp of air at the movement.

"I'm afraid not, all the doctors this evening are male. But I can make sure we have a female nurse present if that helps you feel better at all. And of course your mom can stay by your side." he offered a smile again, flashing his bright white teeth.

"Okay." I managed to get out, working on slowing my breathing.

This was going to be okay. Just cause he wasn't Dr. Edmonds didn't mean he was going to hurt me. My skin felt overly sensitive beneath the layers of my clothing though, goosebumps beneath coarse textures that made me want to shift at the sensation. He leaned out of the makeshift area and signaled down a nurse, who stepped through the curtain and moved over to the side.

"I understand that you lost consciousness, and vomited in the ambulance ride over." the doctor began, looking down at the file in his hands. "The paramedic noted that you had just started taking the iron supplements recently prescribed by Dr. Edmonds. So we should be able to see if the supplements are having an impact when your blood test results come back."

I nodded my head as he began, hearing the waves of his voice washing over me. The EKG that he wanted to put me through, to ensure that there weren't other heart problems. A comment about the weight that I had lost, how that likely impacted my anemia, and how he'd change my anti-nausea medication over to something else that might work better. My attention wavered, it was familiar topics, ones that I had covered with Dr. Edmonds before. Though she hadn't put me through the EKG at least, that didn't seem like it was going to be the most fun. But it must have been because I had passed out.

"Of course this could just be a side effect of your pregnancy, which is why it's so important for you to ensure that you are taking your supplements and eating regular meals. I'd suggest including some snacks between meal times if you can manage it."

My breathing stopped, frozen as I waited for the moment that seemed to stretch forever to pass.

"She's not pregnant." my mom's voice cut in, and I felt my heart drop into my stomach. The nausea returning full force, and suddenly I heard the beeps of my heartbeat increasing in frequency.

The doctor looked up at my mother, his face registering the shock of what he had just done. He glanced again at the notes, my file, where I knew it would say that I was in fact pregnant. His mouth opened to clarify, but my mom continued.

"She can't be pregnant. She's on her period." my mom's voice was tight, her face still in a way that I had never seen it before.

It wasn't shock, not like when she had gotten the letter explaining that my dad had cheated on her and made me hide it. Or the sorrow that had been there when she had found out that Zack was cheating on her with younger girls, the culmination of a slow realization sinking in. I couldn't make sense of what she was thinking this time.

The doctor looked back at me, expression clear that he didn't know how to handle this moment. His chart was telling him one thing, and my mom was saying something else. And I was the only one that could clear this up. Tension rising in the air as it weighed me down.

"I'm not pregnant. I finished bleeding yesterday." I admitted aloud, not knowing how else to explain this. It felt like I was being torn in half from the need not to talk about this.

"So you had a miscarriage?" the doctor asked, focusing back in on me, and ignoring my mom who was watching me so carefully. It seemed like he was switching back to just the professional so he didn't have to acknowledge her reaction to this conversation. He could just focus on treating me. Wouldn't have to deal with the ramifications later.

I couldn't look at her. Didn't want her to hear this. Didn't want to have to say anything to the doctor. I wished that Dr. Edmonds was here. She already knew. And the shivering increased as the loneliness of my position returned. The isolation building walls of ice around me.

"No, I took pills to have an abortion." my voice was low, shame weighing me down. "I told Dr. Edmonds when I called to get the iron supplement. I thought she would have put it in my file."

I couldn't look at anyone in this tiny curtained off area. It wasn't even a proper room, and I could feel my eyes watering and cheeks burning. This wasn't a private space. Anyone on the other side of the curtain could hear this. And I didn't want them to hear me cry. My business being shared with the world was already bad enough.

"Dr. Roberts, the EKG is ready." another nurse popped her head back into the area and stopped whatever conversation was going to happen, breaking the tense atmosphere.

"Right, we'll wheel you down there. And hopefully your lab results will be done soon."

I uncurled myself from the ball on the bed, limbs shaking as I managed to move myself into the wheelchair. It was terrifying to have the nurse at my back, carting me around. But I wasn't up to walking. The procedure was quick, though tears slid down my face as I had to pull my dress off and let them place the sticky sensors on my skin. I shivered through the whole procedure, despite the blanket that they brought in to try and help. My body followed directions as I slid back into auto-pilot and turned off my brain and emotions. I couldn't get the look on my mom's face out of my head, and only partway through the EKG did I realize that she hadn't come to this room with me. Instead, I was alone again. The nursing staff waiting over to the side with the technicians. I closed my eyes against the feeling of them watching me, seeing my exposed skin that wasn't covered by the backwards hospital gown that left my front exposed. They had at least let me keep my bra on, which gave me a little more coverage. It didn't help keep the sensation of the cool exam table beneath me from leeching up into my body. Or stop the memory of waking up on that slab from my brain. I hoped that my shaking wouldn't mess up the test. I couldn't bear it if I had to go through this again.

With numb fingers, I pulled my dress back on and wrapped my jacket around me to try and regain some semblance of warmth. I was wheeled back through the halls towards the ER, but instead of being taken back to one of the little curtained areas, I was placed in an exam room. No one had brought my mom here, so when they left to get me some warming blankets once they had hooked me back up to the monitors, I was completely alone. A sob broke through my chest, muffled by the fabric of my jacket as I tried to cover the noise. It was still so loud to my ears, and I couldn't ignore the feeling that I was back in the bunker. In some hideous room, not even my own. I trembled and shook as I tried to control my breathing, but the snot running down my face made it hard to breathe and I was gasping around the spasming of my chest.

The nurse who brought me the warming blankets, also brought over a box of kleenex, apparently noting my distress, and a waste bin that she placed next to the bed. The heat from the blankets helped, though it dissipated too quickly. The warmth leeching into the chilly air, but it still felt better to have the stiff fabric against me.

After my tears ran out, and my face was stiff from the salt drying on my skin and rubbing the tissues against my face, I took the quiet as a chance to clean myself up. My breathing slowing down and I didn't have the energy to have emotions anymore. Tonight had already been a marathon, I just wanted to go home. Curl up under the covers. And sleep. I was trying to spread my liner out, instead of running down my face, when the door opened.

"Hey, Aria. This is Special Agent Reid, from the FBI." my mom introduced as she led a tall man into my hospital room.

It was weird, hearing her voice, acting like this was normal. When she had left me to the tests on my own and hadn't been in the room when I got back. Maybe it was just that she hadn't been told where I was. But it tugged at my mind, that maybe she had just been avoiding this moment. The remnants of her makeup slightly smeared next to her eyes, most of the liner washed away, which made me think she had gone to the bathroom to clean up. I felt like I was going to tense up, but I was just too tired.

"Hello, agent Reid." my voice was flat, gravelly from the snot that had clogged my sinuses during my crying jag.

"Hello, Aria. I hope you're feeling better." the agent offered a smile as he walked in behind my mom. "I hate to have to ask, but I have a few questions that need to be answered tonight. We can do a full statement another day though."

Of course that's why he was here. I shoved down any emotion, now wasn't the time for them, and sat up in the bed. Better able to answer questions and focus on the moment.

"Okay, what do you need to know?" I wanted to just get this over with.

"First, do you want to have your mom in the room for this conversation? I need to ask about what you shared with Emily yesterday." he checked, glancing over at my mom before returning his gaze to me.

I almost wanted to laugh at that, though it threatened to turn my stomach again. He needed to know about the abortion, and was checking with me that it was okay to tell my mom. I wished that the doctor had done that. Still it wasn't something that I wanted to talk about. It was hard enough that I had needed to tell the doctor about it. And that was about my health. This felt like a punishment. A way for Charles to hurt me more than he already had. Tears threatened to overwhelm me again, more emotion than I realized that I had the energy for anymore. My life was still controlled by Charles, and it hurt to know that. But it was too hard to fight against it. The dominos had been set up and the full line had to fall exactly as planned.

"It's okay." I got out, figuring if I asked my mom to leave now she would only make me explain it again once we were alone. I remembered the way that she had questioned me about what I was hiding from her when I had last talked to the police alone. "She already knows."

The agent nodded his head, shifting slightly as though he was feeling awkward about the conversation we had to have. "That's actually what I need to know about. We are looking into anyone who may have seen the photo frames before the exhibit."

He explained and I didn't understand how this was connected. Why did the frames matter in relation to the abortion?

"I understand that on Tuesday you made a visit to a clinic. Before tonight, who all was aware of that?" he asked.

I blinked a few times, taking a moment to think over the list. And why they would need it.

"Jason and Emily. Also Dr. Edmonds, I called her. The staff at the clinic." I began, trying to remember the name of the doctor and nurse that I had seen at the clinic, but I just couldn't remember. I took a deep breath, knowing the last name on the list, and hating that I had to say it. "I don't remember their names, but I'm sure you can ask them. And Ezra Fitz."

My mom startled, moving out of the corner of my eye, apparently in surprise that Ezra knew and she hadn't. I swallowed down the feeling there, not able to deal with that right now. I just needed to get through this tonight and then I could go home. Be safely tucked away and pretend that this wasn't happening.

"When did they all find out about the procedure?" he continued, clearly looking for something more specific.

"I asked Jason to go with me last weekend, Ezra ran into Jason and me outside the clinic on Tuesday. Then I called Dr. Edmonds on Wednesday, to ask about iron supplements. And I told Emily yesterday afternoon, when she was over at my house." I worked through the timeline.

"So the only times that you talked about it on the phone was with Dr. Edmonds and the clinic, is that correct?"

"Yeah, that sounds right." I nodded.

The agent nodded in confirmation, seeming to evaluate me for a moment. Before responding. "Aria, is there a reason that you haven't come back to the station to work with Lt. Tanner?"

I hesitated. Not knowing exactly how to respond to that. It wasn't like I wanted to admit that we were all deliberately avoiding talking to the police in order to protect Sarah Harvey from Charles. Even if the rules about others weren't explicit, given the lack of response to Alison giving his name up. It was clear that we didn't get to share things. But it was probably an apparent shift from my wanting to get things cleared up as soon as possible, jumping at the chance to talk to the police when I first got back.

"I don't want to muddy things. I was trusting that Tanner had the information she needed." I deflected.

The room was quiet for a moment, the only sound my heart monitor, still beeping away in the silence. Giving a steady measurement as the time passed.

"I'd like to be blunt with you, Aria. If that's okay." he looked between my mom and me, apparently not finding any negative signal. "I'm a profiler. My job is to look at all the small pieces of behavior and put together a pattern to figure out who did this."

He explained, and I wasn't sure exactly why that needed a disclosure of being blunt. But I nodded anyway, I had an idea of what a profiler was, Spencer had gone on about it when she heard that Tanner was bringing one in.

"That means that I need you to be completely honest with me. Sharing details that might be hard to get through sometimes." he continued, which didn't seem realistic for him to expect. "When it comes down to it, I'm here to catch the person who kidnapped you and your friends. Nothing else. But I can't do that without your help."

I nodded again. Knowing that I couldn't be honest with him. This was nicer than I had expected from him to be honest, and I knew it was only a matter of time before he was as against us as Tanner was.

"I'll call to schedule some time to go through an interview later this weekend, after you've gotten a chance to rest." he finished, like that would change my mind. "I hope you feel better."

End Chapter*

Not gonna lie, this felt like a really awkward chapter, normally I try and make the conversations cover all the topics more naturally. But this time it seemed more realistic to let it be awkward and not transition smoothly. Let me know what ya think.