Hey guys! I hope you are well! New chapter coming out! The next one should be out next week, I apologize for the delay, but adult life requires a lot of time and mental health hahahaha Remembering again that English is not my mother tongue, so forgive me for any mistakes! Thank you for the comments, they encourage the author! Enjoy!
CHAPTER 2
Bella
The morning after my resolution to really try to climb out of the pit I'd been in, I woke up feeling something I hadn't felt in a long time: hope. I let that feeling fill me up, gathering the strength to get out of bed and head to the bathroom for a much-deserved shower. Although the feeling was nice, the ache in my chest still throbbed, reminding me of its presence, as well as the sadness of having to distance myself from Jake. I decided to give him some time to gather his thoughts, and then I would seek him out to clarify things and apologise. It was the least I could do.
With that resolved for now, I turned off the shower. I might have been a bit distracted, because by the time I finished washing up, I was running late. I hurried to dry my hair and, lacking the real motivation to do anything else, I left it loose. I'd never really cared much about my appearance, so I went with the usual: a worn pair of jeans and a long-sleeved burgundy shirt — one of the tops Renée had insisted I buy when I decided to move to one of the rainiest towns in the state. On my way to the door, I grabbed my backpack and a thicker black coat to keep the raindrops from soaking through to my bones. I slipped on my battered Converse and headed downstairs for a quick breakfast. Charlie had apparently already left for work, as indicated by the newspaper left on the table and the empty coat rack by the door. I made toast, spread it with strawberry jam, and poured myself a glass of milk. After realising once again that I was going to be cutting it fine, I grabbed an apple for the road and left the house, finally dreading the next steps.
I climbed into my pickup, tossed my backpack onto the passenger seat, and stared at the dashboard, unsure of what to do next. Suddenly, I found myself in a dilemma about how to proceed. I should start to reclaim the things that used to bring me joy, that entertained me and defined who I was; I just didn't know where to begin. I shook my head to dispel the negative thoughts and, deciding which step to take first, rummaged through the glove compartment until I found a specific CD. I put it into the old music player that Edward had had the audacity to reinstall after removing the one Emmett had given me. The sound of "Sugar, We're Going Down" by Fall Out Boy began to fill the car. For a moment, I shrank back; the aggressive sound and energy of the song were a refreshing contrast to the melancholy tunes I'd listened to while with Edward. After a second, I realised that the trigger of hearing music hadn't been activated, perhaps because these songs held no association with him; they were tracks I had listened to before meeting him, a part of me I hadn't dared to show Edward, fearing the judgement that would surely come from a lover of classical music. I turned up the volume, singing along to the lyrics.
— A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it
"Ah, well, isn't this fitting?"
Taking a deep breath, I stepped on the accelerator. It was time to face reality.
Returning to school still filled me with apprehension. No one knew exactly how my relationship had ended, and everyone still had many questions to be answered. The fact that my last encounters with people from the group had ended so disastrously only complicated matters further. I still hadn't apologized to Jessica for the incident with the biker. Fortunately, the first classes were accompanied by Angela Weber. She, as always, understood my situation and gave me space. Angela was one of the few people with whom I felt a genuine connection. While Jessica was fun most of the time, she was also a bit volatile, easily influenced by her company, especially when she teamed up with Lauren, an unpleasant girl from our year who, unfortunately, was part of the group I had gotten close to when I moved to Forks. Thankfully, our direct interaction was minimal at the start, and after my relationship took off, I basically forgot Lauren existed.
"Maybe I had a bad first impression. We never really got to know each other. I could give her a second chance... Who am I kidding? I'm the one who needs a second chance with all of them!" I thought bitterly as I left the classroom alongside Angela, heading to the next class.
— Bella? — Ang's voice jolted me out of my daydream. I gave a brief smile, encouraging her to continue. She returned it with a million-volt grin.
— You seem much better today, more grounded than I've seen you in a long time. You even asked questions in class! Professor Brunner looked ready to take off his glasses and clean them when you raised your hand. I know I felt the same urge. — She let out a short laugh, fiddling with her gold-rimmed glasses, happily without any trace of mockery, confirming that she was just playfully teasing me.
— I'm feeling better about the whole situation with Edward. I think I'm finally getting things sorted out. — Angela looked surprised by my revelation. Of course, I could understand her astonishment; everything related to the Cullens left me on the defensive, and I always ended up abruptly and irrationally changing the subject.
Angela hesitated for a moment, perhaps trying to decide whether she should ask the question she wanted to, or if it would cause me to shut down again. I waited patiently.
— You never explained very well what happened, Bella — she finally said softly. — And I understand if you want to keep it that way, but I can only help you up to a point without knowing where I'm stepping. It's like trying to squeeze blood from a stone. I'm your friend, but I never know how far I can go without invading your privacy, and I'm afraid it'll ruin our friendship. Even though you seem more composed, something still bothers you, doesn't it?
She looked distressed, and I felt the same way. It was a constant reminder that my own selfishness and self-centeredness had blinded me to those around me. Angela, the only one I could truly call a real friend in this place, was sad and anxious because she couldn't help me. I had spent so long running away from people who cared about me — like my dad, Jake, and Angela — always denying help and waiting for the return of a man who had left me without a backward glance.
I didn't quite know what made me talk about things with Angela that day. Maybe it was the newfound desire to step out of the pity party I had imposed on myself, or perhaps it was the spark in her eyes and the sincere desire I saw in her that told me her willingness to help was real and not just a pretext for gossip.
— Would you mind missing this class? I could really use a listening ear right now. — I didn't know why I whispered, but the smile I received in response from Angela could have melted ice.
— Who needs to know Mandarin, after all? — She smiled, already linking her arm through mine and pulling me against the current of students heading to their next classes, towards the back exit.
— I still don't know why you chose that elective. Spanish gives me a headache enough as it is. — I replied, opening the left door and quickly dodging before she turned back and hit me hard, as had happened a few times before. Angela smiled, perhaps amused by my desperation to avoid the door.
— It's not so bad once you learn the basics. — She looked around and noticed the same thing I did: there was no dry spot available out of the rain. But that didn't stop her. Digging into her backpack, she pulled out an umbrella from a protective sleeve and opened it, her arm intertwining with mine again. — Let's go to my car. It'll be warm enough there, and no one will think to interrupt us.
I nodded, and we started our journey toward the black car at the end of the row to the left. We settled into the back seat, and she looked at me with barely concealed expectation. That made me laugh.
— So... — she began.
— So... — I echoed, suddenly insecure about how to proceed. Sensing my hesitation, Angela held my hands between hers and squeezed them briefly.
— It's perfectly okay if you've changed your mind about telling me, Bella. But I want you to know that I'm here for you, and I want to help in any way I can.
Her sincerity was enough to make me open my mouth.
— I don't know where to start. — I admitted, feeling lost.
— Maybe you could tell me how your birthday was? — My eyes widened, and she shook her head for a moment, looking at me with a bit of understanding. — Bella, you spent the day dodging everyone who wanted to congratulate you on your birthday. And don't think I didn't notice how uncomfortable you were with the whole party Alice wanted to throw for you.
I flinched at the revelation. How Angela hadn't uncovered the Cullen secret was beyond my comprehension; she was far too observant for her own good. However, the suggestion gave me a valid starting point.
Once the first words sprang forth, I couldn't stop the floodgates from opening. Clearly, I couldn't be completely honest about everything with Angela. I couldn't, in good conscience, share the Cullen secret, much less reveal the violent nature of my birthday party.
— I felt frustrated having to receive a party that I definitely didn't want. I had bad past experiences with events like that. — I tried to keep my voice steady, ignoring the anguish of aging while my then-love remained young and untouched by eternity. The paper cut incident was easily transformed into a clumsy fall against a glass table when I discovered the Forks family's change. I completely ignored the fact that I had nearly become vampire food while Jasper attempted to reach me, his expression of desire and aggression fiercely contrasting with the black eyes that glimmered with despair and guilt.
And then there was the breakup. The closest version of the truth I could give Angela about everything.
— Edward took me to the woods when I asked him to clarify things about the change. He used such painful words to break up with me when I suggested we could make a long-distance relationship work. — I recounted the story, omitting the supernatural aspect of the entire episode, and in the end, Angela looked horrified. — And that was it, Ang. "You're not good enough for me" and "You were just a distraction" were the words I heard from the person I loved. He left me after I had given him my heart and soul, and it was with a coldness that shattered me. I still feel the pain every day when I think of him or when something sparks memories related to the Cullens. And I swear I'm trying, but it hurts. All the time!
At some point in the middle of the story, I had started to cry. Not the painful and agonizing sobs I had been pouring out for the past months; this was a release, the kind we have when we talk about a subject that affects us deeply, and the tears just fall from our eyes. Effortlessly, without sobs, without gasping. It's just the heart letting out everything it can overflow.
Angela was a good listener, nodding or looking surprised at the right moments, her hands still tenderly holding mine. When I finished the story, her eyes were also glistening with tears, and she extended her hands to gently wipe my eyes. It was only at that moment that I realized I had been crying.
— Oh, Bells, you've been holding so much pain in silence. — The use of the nickname made me smile briefly until I remembered that Jacob used to call me that, which made my smile vanish quickly.
— There's more, Ang.
— More? How can there be more, Bella? I can't imagine how this could get worse.
— Do you remember that time we went to La Push, and I went out to talk to one of the boys from the reservation?
— Yes, I remember well. Mike looked like he wanted to bury that boy's head in the sand. — This time, her joke wasn't enough to lift my spirits, and sensing that, she asked the question I had been anticipating. — Who is he, and what does he have to do with all this mess?
— His name is Jacob Black, and I think I messed everything up with him too.
The use of the swear word made Angela raise her eyebrow quickly. As the daughter of a pastor, swearing was completely outside her vocabulary, and until then, I had held back and firmly regulated myself to avoid bad habits, fearing I might hurt Edward's feelings with my colorful language. "Well, fuck that too."
— I don't think I understand, — Ang said.
— I'll explain, — I replied, taking a breath for another long story, this time slightly altered. I changed the reason for my fight with Jacob to him realizing that I was using him and that I still harbored strong feelings for Edward, never having really considered his feelings.
"Maybe I really am a heartless bitch." That thought seemed to return frequently. Angela took one of her hands from mine to rub her forehead; she seemed to be suffering from the onset of a migraine, a big one.
— I can't say I blame Jacob for how he treated you. What you did wasn't right, Bella, especially since you've gone through something somewhat similar. — I shrank at her words, the pain in my chest throbbing once again. — But I don't think you "screwed everything up," as you said. — I looked at her with my mouth agape, and Angela returned my astonishment by putting her hands on her hips and rolling her eyes. — What? Those were your words, not mine! And even though I don't like to use such crass language, sometimes it expresses what we're thinking better than anything else.
— Good argument — I quickly agreed, fearing another withering look.
— Getting back to the point — another eye roll was followed by a long sigh. — Bella, I really think your idea of waiting and giving him space might be the best for now. Give the kid a break; he's only 16, and you were probably his first real crush. But when you do reach out, you really should apologize sincerely. It was completely wrong of you to let him think you felt something back, even if you cut things off the moment he confessed; it's hard for him to understand when you were giving so many mixed signals before.
— I know, it was immature and irresponsible of me, and I know it doesn't justify it, but I was desperate, Angela. I just wanted to feel something different from the emptiness that was consuming me, and the adrenaline I felt riding that motorcycle with that guy really gave me something to look forward to.
— First of all, I still can't believe you did something as crazy as getting on the back of a stranger's bike... But I really would have liked to see Jessica's expression when you came out. — She leaned back in her seat, laughing, and I could only join her, really pausing to recall; shocked was the least one could attribute to Jessica that night.
The moment of lightness shifted back to seriousness when Ang finally stopped laughing and took my hand again. She seemed hesitant once more, weighing her words.
— I know this isn't what you want to hear right now, but I really can't say I believe everything Edward told you. — That really wasn't what I expected, but before I could express any consternation, Ang raised her hand, asking me to wait for her to finish her thought. — It was horrible and completely unnecessary the way he chose to break things off; however, it doesn't fit the profile. Bells, he looked at you as if you were the sun, like a man coming out of the desert would look at a water source.
— Ang...
— No, Bella, I'm serious. He might claim that a long-distance relationship wouldn't work, but saying you were just a distraction doesn't make sense; even if he didn't love you — which I find unlikely — he clearly cared about you a great deal.
I wanted to argue, but without being able to reveal the whole truth, it was hard to fully express my reasons for thinking he was being honest.
— There must be another reason, — she insisted.
— I thought that too, but I can't think of anything. And right now, I really want to leave all of this behind.
She nodded and smiled gently.
— Now that I know what happened, I'll be able to help you get through this. But I want you to know that I'm really proud of you for taking the first step.
— Thank you for listening to me and for not judging me, Ang. I should have told you earlier; going through everything alone was exhausting, but I'll try to be more open with you from now on.
— That's what friends are for. And being more open is all I could ask for. — She glanced briefly at her wristwatch — And what about today? — she asked, changing the subject with a mischievous smile on her lips.
— What about today? — I asked, momentarily confused.
— We missed the morning classes; it's break time. Are you feeling up to meeting the gang?
Angela's questioning eyes made me focus on the question, pulling me away from the surprise of how long we had been there. Was I ready? Ready to meet up with Mike and Jessica and apologize for acting poorly? Ready to be in the same environment as Lauren and Eric?
I nodded.
— Let's go, it's now or never! — Angela shot me a victorious smile.
— That's my girl, let's do it!
We got out of the car and headed toward the cafeteria pavilion, which was already quite full. The feeling of claustrophobia increased as I realized I was surrounded by all those people. After we got our trays and served ourselves a healthy amount of food, we walked toward the usual group table. Angela took the lead and sat down next to her boyfriend, Ben, who greeted her with a kiss. I glanced around briefly; aside from Tyler, everyone was present: Michael, Jessica, Lauren, Eric, Angela, and Ben.
I awkwardly paused next to the table, holding my tray like a shield in front of me. Feeling my hesitation, Angela gave me an encouraging nod, which motivated me to speak.
— Good morning, guys! Can I sit with you?
As if noticing my presence at that moment, Mike broke into a huge smile.
— Bella! What a pleasant surprise! Who's alive always shows up! — Mike Newton's smile and baby expression seemed sincere, despite the weight of his words. Even so, it was easy to smile back at him. — Pull up a chair and sit with us.
I thought it wise to sit between Jessica and Eric, who was looking at me as if I had just emerged from the tiled floor. I can't blame him for that. I set my tray down on the table but didn't touch anything.
— I'm sorry for disappearing. I understand if you're upset with me, I was...
— Freaking out! — Lauren interrupted, a falsely pleasant smile emerging on her lips. — We're glad you managed to leave your "pity party." It took you a while to lick your wounds and remember that the common mortals are still alive?
— Lauren! That was rude and unnecessary! — Angela looked horrified. I felt things were starting to get out of control. "So much for trying to give a second chance. Misunderstood, my ass!"
I took a deep breath, gathering myself to respond, but Lauren spoke again.
— Don't come to me with moral lessons, Angela. Aside from you and Ben, everyone here was wondering how long it would take for Bella to remember our existence. After she started dating the Cullens, she began to think of herself as the queen bee, superior, and even if you don't agree, you can't argue against it because you know deep down it's true!
Angela looked ready to fly at the blonde, the only thing holding her back was Ben, who hugged her around the waist while staring at Lauren as if she had grown a second head. However, the next interruption in Lauren's monologue came from Jessica, who looked completely uncomfortable.
— Lauren, take it easy. You don't need to speak that way.
Lauren glanced sideways at her friend and raised a questioning eyebrow.
— Jessica, dear, weren't you and Mike just talking for about 15 minutes about how absurd it was that the Cullens left so suddenly, and that Bella was probably part of the reason? — I felt my eyes burning, but I calmed myself, closing my hands around the sides of the chair. Mike looked like he wanted to bury his head in the ground, while Jessica was strangely interested in her oatmeal.
— Lauren, let it go. What is Bella going to think of us with you twisting things like that? — Mike's nervous smile at the end of the sentence was enough for me to know Lauren wasn't lying. But she seemed on a mission; I wondered if Lauren had something personally against me. Maybe she was bitter about not being chosen before? "If she only knew where that led me, she would be grateful I caught his attention instead of her."
— You're a fake Newton! Am I "twisting" things? — Lauren turned back to me again. — Tell me, Bella, Mike and Jessica were discussing reasons why Edward left you. Jessica thinks you weren't able to satisfy him in bed, and Mike thinks he took advantage of you for easy sex. So, satisfy our curiosity: who's right?
A heavy silence filled the table, making the noise of the cafeteria around us sound strangely distant. Angela's disapproving groan seemed like the prelude to a well-rehearsed lecture. But that question was the last straw. When Angela stood up, that was enough to snap me out of the shock at that bitch's audacity.
As I stood up, clenching my fists, I thought of all the times I wanted to try something with Edward and he denied me. The pain of each rejection seemed to wash over me. Insecurity and self-deprecation took over, and like flipping a switch, I was consumed by an immense fury.
— You know what? Enough! — I felt the atmosphere shift. Jessica touched my shoulder to apologize, but I quickly brushed her off. — I don't want you to touch me or speak to me again! — Jessica recoiled, and I looked around, completely distraught. — I thought I could trust you, try to rebuild the bridges I know I weakened. I know I was wrong to pull away, okay? I know! But that doesn't give you the right to question my life, especially with such outrageous speculations! — I glared at Mike, who had sunk so low he was almost fused with the chair. — I expected more from you, I don't know why. I guess I let myself be fooled by your nice-guy face. No matter how much I can't give you what you want, I thought we could be good friends at some point. Well, I was wrong!
— Bella, I'm really sorry...
But I was on a roll. I completely ignored Mike's speech, as well as Jessica's watery eyes, and focused solely on Lauren, who was staring at me with a mocking expression, clearly enjoying the circus she had created.
— I could spend all my Latin here, and it still wouldn't be enough for you to understand how harmful your attitude is. I could insult you in every possible way, and it wouldn't be enough to encompass the rottenness of your soul. — I leaned slightly forward, not taking my eyes off her. — You walk around parading as if you own the school, controlling Jessica, telling her what she has to do and how to think. And that makes you believe you are loved? I have news for you, Lauren: nobody can stand being around someone as shallow, narcissistic, and controlling as you for too long. You may think you're on top, but deep down, nobody wants you around. All you bring to other people's lives are lies, deceit, and nasty comments. I hope you enjoy your solitude... because your end will be exactly that: lonely and empty, just like you.
For a brief moment, her mocking smile wavered, as if my words had struck a fragile point. She quickly tried to regain her composure, but it was too late.
— Are you done? — she asked, raising her chin to try to appear firm.
I gripped the edge of my tray tightly and leaned a little more over the table, our gazes meeting like sharp blades.
— I'm just getting started.
— If we're such bad company, you'd better leave. It would be a favor for everyone. — She held my gaze defiantly.
— A favor, huh? — I smiled slightly. — But for whom? Because so far, I only see advantages for me. — I glanced at Angela, who was still standing, mouth slightly open in surprise at the scene. — I'll call you later, okay? Don't worry, this doesn't change anything between us. — I looked at Ben, who was still holding Angela at the waist. — Take good care of her, Ben. The most beautiful snakes often have the worst venom.
For a second, I felt the old Bella Swan from Arizona resurface. That firm and sarcastic version of myself, who never let anyone walk all over her. I had always been shy, but there were limits. In elementary school, the bullies quickly discovered that messing with me meant elaborate pranks that they could never prove were mine. The "sweet and quiet" Bella Swan, the exemplary student, would never be the culprit — someone would surely defend her. The only problem? That supposed hero never existed.
"Why did I bury that part of myself? Why did I let her disappear?" I couldn't say.
Feeling that I had said everything I needed to, I turned to leave. I took two steps and suddenly stopped.
Right in front of me, the cafeteria entrance door closed. The sound of the tray hitting the floor echoed around me, but I didn't remember dropping it. In fact, the fight from seconds ago, along with the adrenaline rush still coursing through my veins, was completely wiped from my mind.
"Lauren? Who is Lauren?"
All I could think about was the person who had just entered the room.
I froze, staring at the figure before me — pale, perfect, and absurdly familiar. Every feature was etched in my memory, like an impossible recurring dream to erase.
A shiver ran down my spine, making every cell in my body awaken. My muscles tensed slightly, and I felt fragile, as if his mere presence had the power to dismantle all my defenses.
I shuddered.
Fall Out Boy. (2005). Sugar, We're Going Down. From the album: From Under the Cork Tree. Island Records.