Hola! This is just a precourse to Airawende and Gothmog meeting. I want to hopefully get you all excited for it!. I am having trouble being content with it because its more spicy than I have ever written.
My throat felt sticky whenever I swallowed. I couldn't help the bitter taste of betrayel after Haldamire had told me she would have preferred me dead over in my current situation. I bit my lip in consternation feeling the hurt well up inside me all over again.
I was not even close to myself anymore. I have no one. I certainly do not have anyone in this Hell, I do not have Haldamire anymore, and I do not even have myself because I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know or understand what has fractured inside of me. It hurts the most what Haldamire feels. I've feel lost and alone myself many times where we came from but I always believed Haldamire was my other half and would be there always. To hear her say that she'd rather I die than face the choices I did wounds me because it feels like she doesn't believe I am strong enough.
Does she believe falling under Tar-Mairon's spell is strength? Does she believe she is better than me when she hasn't been faced with the dreams and choices I have? I know Tar-Mairon is seductive and is safe enough that I would follow him too, but does she believe she would fight against what I am under and not concede to the superior power? Is it the sexual aspect of what I am facing, that she isn't, that she feels somewhere superior and I lamb? She is in the same situation and always has been. My nails dig deeply into my palms as I choke trying to fight tears falling. I have shed enough. I will face my choices with bravery even if I want to break down.