Hey :) so I'm back sooner than planned cause i wanted to participate in the #AmezonaWeekend2024 really bad and this chapter fits the "Hopkins days" prompt so...

But before y'all start , I just wanna say this is the worst chapter and I want you to know that I know and I'm sorry about that, but ok, we'll chat at the end, have a nice read.

You can say that we are nothing , but you know the truth

Her brain wasn't working properly because what the hell just happened? Arizona kissed her… And she had kissed her back, but that wasn't what she was concerned about, what worried her was the way it made her feel. She definitely didn't feel that way when she kissed her boyfriend, she didn't really feel anything when she kissed him if she was being honest, but this… There was something in the lower part of her stomach that was still doing summersaults. Her fingers graced her curved up lips as the sensation of the blonde's lingered on her skin.

What was happening? Why was she feeling this way? Was it because this was her first kiss with a woman? Or maybe because she was so exhausted she wasn't thinking properly? She had spent a year hating Arizona Robbins, the same woman who had just told her she cared about her and then kissed her. The care and genuineness she felt in the exchange had her bewildered. Amelia changed her clothes and texted Colin "Long shift. I'll have to stay here. Have fun". She hoped that was enough for him to believe her and headed home. She didn't drink that night.

Next day Amelia felt her heartbeat go faster as, a mix of nervousness and anticipation captured her entirely as she crossed the hospital doors. She wasn't sure if she was supposed to say something or just pretend nothing happened. Once changed into her hospital attire, she made her way to reception. Arizona stood there with a chart on her hands, bossing people around, she looked up as Amelia approached and they made eye contact for a second, the brunette was slightly surprised when her chief resident flashed her dimples at her, she had to look down to her fidgeting hands, not sure of how to react, she felt her cheeks burning up. Amelia could still hear her assigning everyone to their attendings and was impatient for her turn "Shepherd?" Arizona said finally. The pronunciation of her name prompted her to look back at sparkling blue eyes, Amelia kept her lips pursed to try and avoid giving away any kind of reaction "You're with Koracik today" She said simply, giving her a reassuring nod.

Six hours into her shift, she walked out of her patient's room making notes on her chart. She walked to the nurse's station, prompting her elbow on the desk as she wrote. She felt a hand on her hip and turned around to stand face to face with her boyfriend. The dark circles on his eyes and overgrown facial hair gave him an unpleasant look. He was a handsome dude, tall, blue eyes, manly and had a great smile… None of that was playing his favor today. He looked bad.

"Hi, I missed you last night" He said as he embraced her with one arm and pecked her lips. His unshaven beard scratched her skin, making her wince at the contact.

Amelia forced a smile, pulling her hand out to push him away. "Hey, no PDA" she fixed her lab coat and looked back at him "What did you do yesterday?"

"I went out with the guys and we had some drinks" He shrugged.

"Did you have fun?" She asked. Her attention back to her chart, she wasn't actually interested in what he had to say but she didn't wanna be rude.

"I don't really remember" he laughed "Are you making up for not meeting me at my apartment last night?" he asked with a smirk, his hand tugged playfully onto her lab coat "I ran into Lily and she said you went to your place"

Amelia was caught off guard, she couldn't blame her roommate for blowing her cover but she still mentally cursed her. Amelia was about to say something when his hand fell and he took a step back "Robbins, hi!" He greeted his coworker with forced cheerfulness.

Amelia looked around to see Arizona making her heelys stop sharply beside them "Cory, hey" she replied with a very obvious fake smile on her face

"Colin" He corrected.

"Rough night?" She asked with a frown as her eyes made a quick scan of his looks..

"Uh… No, not really. Fun night, actually"

"Right…" She nodded in understanding. Her face contorted into something Amelia assumed was an attempt for a smile, but it just looked weird "Should I be worried you're working, looking like this?" She asked, as her pointer finger traveled up and down, signaling his appearance.

"I'm fine" He assured her with annoyance and Amelia fidgeted uncomfortably as she witnessed the exchange.

The brunette's movement caused Arizona to finally look at her, her expression softened a bit as she tilted her head "And you? Should I be worried about you?" Amelia felt her heart flutter when she heard her tone smoothen as she referred her whole attention to her. Their eyes lingered on each other and the brunette fought hard against her consciousness to register and respond to the question, but she just couldn't make her brain work. Confusion could be the right word to describe her state right now. Her emotions felt incomprehensible to her, since the hatred she felt for this girl had quickly turned into something else when they kissed. Amelia had never contemplated her sexuality before, she didn't need to because she had never been attracted to women. Sure she noticed when a girl was hot, she'd even catch herself staring sometimes, but it had never been more than that, not like this.

"Why wouldn't she be?" Colin snapped them both out of their trance, completely oblivious of the moment he had just interrupted.

"I'm okay" Amelia replied with half a smile.

"Of course you are" Colin assured, looking down at her as he pulled her into his body with one arm.

Arizona looked between the two of them. She wore her distinctive smile, but her jaw was clenched and she looked displeased. "Alright, I'm gonna go now" she announced as she skated off from their view.

Amelia didn't know why she felt embarrassed about the situation, she got out of Colin's embrace and excused herself. It would be better if she continued with rounds anyways.

Later that day, Amelia locked the door behind her as she entered the lady's room, she rested her back against the wooden surface. Her head had been going a mile per minute for the last few hours. She took a deep breath and walked to one of the sinks to drench her face with cold water. She jolted slightly when one of the stall doors opened, revealing a startled Arizona. They made eye contact through the mirror. The blonde stood on her place next to the door, her hands clasped nervously in front of her as her dimples started to show with a sheepish look "Hey" her voice almost a whisper, it made Amelia turn around. It was nerve racking to see this side of the blonde, she didn't look like her confident and strong self, she didn't look like the Arizona who walked tall amongst the hospital halls. Her face was flushed, and her eyes were red. She looked small, fragile… Dare she say cute…

"Are you okay?" Amelia asked, genuinely concerned.

"Mhmm" the blonde nodded vigorously, biting her lower lip. Her ponytail bounced with the movement of her head, making her look even more endearing. She walked to the sink next to Amelia, she looked at her reflection and sniffed as she whipped her tears with the back of her hand.

"What happened?"

Arizona shook her head and her lower lip started to quiver. Amelia clenched her fists as she fought the urge to hug the girl in front of her "Nothing, it's just… We- We have this patient" she started with a wobbly voice "He's 8. Norman and I have been treating him since I was an intern here; he has this condition where his body keeps growing tumors, we've done tons of chemo, radiation, he's had so many surgeries throughout the years, but it always comes back and-" she closed her eyes as a couple of sobs escaped her throat "It's everywhere now. There's nothing we can do. He's in pain but he's so eager to keep fighting and I just…" She choked up on her own words and placed her hand on her chest to try to control herself as a couple of tears rolled down her cheeks.

Amelia's emotions got the better of her. She took Arizona in her arms, squeezing her into a well received hug. The blonde rested her head on Amelia's shoulder as her arms clung around the brunette's body. Amelia let her cry as she ran her fingers through wavy locks of blonde hair.

"I'm not usually like this" she cried quietly, her face now buried on Amelia's neck. "I try to be strong and not hang on to my patients, so I can move on to the next kid and give them my all… But this one is different. I've- I've seen him come and go, he's such a great little guy, he's really funny and so smart, I wish there was more we could do, but we've tried everything"

Amelia held her tighter. She understood. It wasn't the healthiest way to see it, they both knew that, but every once in a while, they all had a patient that stung a bit more, making you feel like you didn't try enough. There wasn't much the brunette could do, she just stood there, with her arms surrounding the grieving woman in front of her. They were locked in a hospital bathroom, so the moment didn't last long. Amelia felt her start to calm down and her judgment was completely clouded when she placed a kiss on the top of Arizona's head as she grabbed her by her arms to push her back gently, the brunette pushed herself away in order to look into the blonde's eyes. She looked tired.

"I'm sorry for dumping all this on you, I know you don't like me" Arizona whispered, looking down.

Amelia surprised herself when she placed a kiss on the blonde's temple. It was as if she wasn't in control of herself anymore; her body was operating on autopilot. "You don't need to apologize for anything" she assured her, gently squeezing her arms. Arizona did her best to suppress a sob, making Amelia kiss one of her cheeks and wipe a tear from the other one with her thumb.

"T- thank you… For being here"

She placed a kiss on her other cheek and rested her forehead against Arizona's. She wasn't sure of what she was doing or why she was doing it, but she wanted to comfort her. It made her heart ache to see her in that state. Amelia closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to collect some confidence for her next move. Her hands moved up to cup either side of Arizona's face. Her grip wasn't hard, but it was firm. She slowly closed the space between them, feeling her heart flutter in her chest when she made contact with the blonde's lips. She kissed her tenderly, she was trying to comfort her after all. The sensation of warm, soft lips moving against her own, sent shivers down her spine, she didn't know one could feel so much with such a simple interaction.

They were snatched back to reality when they heard a knock on the door. Amelia jumped away, her eyes went wide at the realization of what had just happened, her senses finally clicking again. Arizona looked lost at her reaction but she didn't really care at that point. Amelia felt as if she had been caught doing something bad, she opened her mouth to say something, but she couldn't think of anything, so she walked away to unlock the door, leaving the room in a hurry.

After the incident in the bathroom, Amelia tried her best to avoid her chief resident as much as she could during the following days. She wasn't sure what kind of force had made her kiss Arizona, but she didn't really want to find out either, it was a door she wasn't ready to open. She did keep an eye on Arizona's patient, though. Luckily, she was assigned to McCale during the blonde's day off. She got to meet the kid, his name was Luke Janssen. He was all bones and skin. He looked so pale you could see his veins, but even then, the kid smiled brightly as they entered his room.

After a brief introduction, Luke's wheezy voice was heard "Where's Doctor Robbins? She promised she'll watch Toy Story with me next time I finished all my food"

"Sorry buddy, today was her day off" McCale took a moment, as if he was trying to figure out something "You know what? Doctor Shepherd here can watch it with you"

Amelia frowned, looking at her attending "Shouldn't I help with rounds? What if something comes up?" She felt bad for the child, but the idea of spending her day watching a kids movie instead of scrubbing in on surgery, wasn't that appealing to her.

"Look, his mom is at work and he doesn't have any more family left, he can use some company. Plus, it's a slow day. He'll be asleep before you know it" He said in a whisper "And I'm pretty sure I can manage two hours without you" McCale joked as he walked to the next room.

She was adamant at first, but half an hour into the movie, she found herself enjoying it. She could hear Luke's breathy giggles every now and then. The film went by in a flash. "Can we watch another one?" He pleaded as soon as the credits started rolling.

"Sorry, kiddo. I gotta go back to work. Maybe if you keep eating all your food, Doctor Robbins will watch the next one with you"

"Okay" he mumbled, too tired to argue. Amelia stepped out when she saw his eyes closing.

Colin had insisted on going out with his friends. Amelia wasn't in the mood, she had just finished a long shift, but she was also feeling guilty for kissing Arizona, so tagging along was her secret way to make it up to her boyfriend.

The music was too loud, the conversation wasn't interesting, the guys were being annoying and she was exhausted. She was taken out of her thoughts when she heard a bang on the table, she blinked as her eyes fell on the shot of tequila that had been just placed in front of her. She looked up at her smirking boyfriend.

He shrugged "You haven't drank anything since we got here and you look bored"

She wanted to take it. It would make her feel better if she drank herself to sleep, but she couldn't stop picturing Arizona's disappointed face. Amelia knew the blonde would notice if she drank today and she couldn't help but feel ashamed. For some reason she didn't want Arizona to be disappointed or mad at her. Her eyes lingered on the glass, she was so tempted to take it… "No" She shook her head and slid the drink towards him "I don't wanna drink tonight. We have work tomorrow"

"So? That hasn't stopped you before" he laughed, pushing the glass back to her.

The fact that his comment was true made her angrier than it should have. She took the shot and smashed it on the floor "I said no!" She shouted. She took her purse and took a cab back to her apartment.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" She heard him ask after her.

Next morning she got a text from Colin, saying they should talk. Amelia rolled her eyes, what was there to talk about? He was upset she didn't drink to unconsciousness with him and wanted to pick a fight. She walked to the clinic anyway and arrived in the middle of a scene. Chief Collier, Dr. McCale and Arizona stood in front of a disheveled and very upset Colin. He was screaming as the men tried to calm him down.

"It's not fair!" Amelia heard him complain. She was just a couple of steps away from them when Arizona spotted her. The blonde walked over to stand next to her.

She gave her a weak smile when Amelia looked at her "He's drunk. He approached me for a consult but he could barely walk in a straight line. I had to tell someone"

Amelia looked back at the screaming guy. He finally saw her and Arizona standing together "You were right" He said bitterly at her "She's a bitch" he glared at Arizona as he walked out of the building, escorted by the two doctors and a security officer.

Amelia saw the blonde's face fall at the comment and she felt herself drowning in guilt because she had said those words numerous times to different people. She hadn't felt that way lately, she couldn't exactly put a name to her feelings towards the blonde, but they weren't negative. That's why it stung to see the hurt on Arizona's face. Amelia shook her head and opened her mouth to apologize, to say something, anything. She searched for the other woman's eyes but Arizona didn't look at her, she kept her stare occupied anywhere but Amelia's direction, walking away after a couple of seconds. The brunette stopped herself from going after her and walked to the opposite direction instead, where they had taken her boyfriend.

When she made it outside, Colin was more relaxed, but still looked tense. Collier and McCale were just finishing talking to him. Amelia walked over to them, crossing paths with her superiors, they gave her a nod as they made their way back to the building. Colin stood in his place, he looked at the floor with his hands on his hips. She put her hand on his bicep trying to comfort him.

"They fired me" he shrugged, bringing his hands to his face "They fired me, Amelia. I don't know what I'm gonna do" The defeat in his voice made her stomach turn. She felt genuinely sorry for him. She didn't love him, she barely tolerated him when they weren't drunk, but he was the closest person she had for the past three months.

"You'll figure something out, everything will turn out okay" She tried to reassure him.

"She's such a bitch, Amelia. This wouldn't be happening if she had kept her mouth shut"

She dropped her hand "Hey, don't call her that"

He frowned "You've been calling her a bitch for the longest time, I'm just agreeing with you"

"Well, it took me a while to realize it, but she's not a bitch" she shrugged with her hands in her pockets.

"Whatever" He hissed.

"What, are you mad at me now?"

"Look, I don't wanna fight right now"

"No, no. You texted me earlier saying you wanted to talk, so let's talk. Tell me why you're mad"

"You didn't stay last night" He finally admitted.

She crossed her arms "I had work"

"Yeah, so did I"

"Exactly, Colin. You did have work today. That's why we're standing here. That's why you're fired. You are a doctor and you're here drunk"

"No, we're standing here because that bitch couldn't mind her business"

"Don't call her that!" Her voice was louder than she intended.

"Besides, you're not one to talk about coming in drunk" He barked back and Amelia was once again out of words. He was right, she had done it and she was lucky enough to maintain her job.

She felt her eyes welling up with tears "We're done" She hissed.

Two weeks went by smoothly and Amelia hadn't heard a word from Colin. It didn't come as a surprise that she didn't miss him in the slightest and she hadn't drank since. She had been longing for the company, though. She felt alone and that was terrifying to her because her best companion had always been a bottle of alcohol. She had been craving it like crazy, but Arizona's face would creep into her thoughts whenever she contemplated giving in. Amelia wasn't even sure why she cared so much about the blonde's opinion, they had shared nothing more than a couple of kisses, that was it. They hadn't even interacted much since Colin was fired, which the brunette knew was because he had implied Amelia had called her a bitch before. She still felt bad about it, the urge to apologize was eating her alive, but she wasn't sure how to approach Arizona, or what she could possibly say. She decided she would try anyway. When she finished her shift, she went up to the pediatric floor and it didn't take long for her to spot her. Arizona was in Luke's room. Amelia rested her shoulder on the wall as she looked at them; the blonde was sitting on the kid's bed, they were laughing about something. The brunette watched as the child started coughing desperately and Arizona massaged his back, her face full of concern, but she was trying to maintain her smile. She was so good with her patients…

A couple of minutes later, Arizona walked out of the room. The blonde was so distracted she walked by Amelia without noticing her. The brunette, still not sure how to approach her, grabbed her hand and dragged her to the nearest supply room a couple of steps from them. She closed the door behind her and rested her back against it, finally meeting Arizona's confused look. They stayed in silence until the blonde finally spoke.

"What the hell?" She sounded more confused than angry.

Amelia racked her brain trying to find the right words, but she finally settled for a simple "I'm sorry"

Arizona crossed her arms and licked her lips in that particular way Amelia noticed she did every time she was annoyed or concentrated.

"You're not a bitch" She admitted, her gaze darted between the blonde's eyes and a suddenly, very interesting spot on the floor. She was starting to get anxious at Arizona's silence "I know it bothered you, when Colin said I was right for calling you a bitch" She paused for a moment to try and understand where she was going with her little speech, but she was talking again before she could figure it out "You're not, though. You're actually kinda sweet" Amelia saw a hint of a smile creep into Arizona's face and she felt her heartbeat increase, giving her the courage to take two steps closer to her "I'm really sorry about everything" she stretched her hand to grab Arizona's, but only reached two of her fingers with her own, yanking her gently so the blonde had to step closer. Once they were face to face, Amelia took a strand of blonde hair and tucked it behind Arizona's ear, her hand traveled down to caress her cheek with her thumb. She closed her eyes and kissed the blonde. Even though they had done this twice before, Amelia felt a bit relieved to be this close to her again and it was crazy to think about, but she had missed kissing her. It felt as if the sweetness of the contact alleviated every ache and pain she was feeling before. Amelia caressed the blonde's lips with her tongue and felt the butterflies in her stomach go crazy when Arizona allowed her in. Their tongues danced together until they were forced to part for air.

Arizona's eyes were still closed, her hand rested on top of Amelia's as she kept caressing her cheek. The brunette was about to go for another kiss when Arizona pushed back "No, Amelia…" She looked back into Amelia's puzzled stare "What is this?" She asked, her pointer finger waving between them "What are we doing?"

Amelia was trying to focus, but she was finding it hard to do when the taste of Arizona's strawberry lip gloss lingered on her mouth. She shrugged "I don't know. It just feels right" It was the truth.

"Okay, but what is this to you?" Amelia looked adoringly at the blonde's flushed cheeks. She was being honest. She wasn't sure of what 'this' was, but it was nice.

"I don't know" She repeated.

"Well, figure it out" The blonde responded, leaving the room.

And that's exactly what Amelia did. She was sort of forced to figure out her feelings when she saw one of the nurses from the first floor being all touchy feely with Arizona the next day. She realized she didn't want to be an audience member to that sort of exchange, she wanted to be the one making Arizona laugh, the one grazing her arm and batting her eyelashes at her.

She couldn't understand why she felt so drawn to her, but she gave up on trying to figure it out. Maybe they could try and see where things go, they weren't even friends so they didn't have anything to lose. Amelia didn't know Arizona's schedule, so she went to do her rounds and once she was done, she'd go look for the blonde every now and then in hopes to catch her for a moment so they could talk. Arizona must have noticed because during one of her many getaways, she got back to her floor and was pulled by the blonde into the empty hall.

"What do you want?" The blonde asked, annoyed. "I've seen you go up like a million times"

A smug smile creeped onto Amelia's face "What makes you think I was looking for you?" She rested her hand on her hip, waiting for an answer. It was obvious she had been looking for her, but she wanted to tease her.

Arizona rolled her eyes "You know what? Forget it" she tried to walk off, only to be stopped by Amelia grabbing her wrist..

"No, wait!"

"What is it, Amelia?"

The brunette dropped her hand and scratched her neck nervously. Her confidence whipped away by the thought of having to express her emotions out loud "Uuh, I just wanted to tell you I made up my mind"

Arizona raised her eyebrows, gesturing to go on. She didn't know what she was talking about.

"Yeah, um.. About this" She gestured between them and she saw the exact moment Arizona catched her drift. The blonde's eyes darted for a split second before she regained her composure.

"What about it?" She shrugged nonchalantly. She was trying so hard to make it look like she didn't care, it was kind of cute.

Amelia smiled "I want to give it a shot"

The blonde's face softened after a moment of silence, her dimples started showing "You do?" she asked sheepishly.

She nodded, taking both of the blonde's hands in hers. She opened her arms a little to bring Arizona closer "I do" she replied, pecking her lips "Do you?" She pecked her again.

"Mhmm" Arizona agreed kissing her.

A/N: Hello again. Okay so, about my previous comment, I wrote this A WHILE ago, I hadn't watched Private Practice then, so now that I have, I think Amelia might be out of character but I'm too far ahead on the story to change it so I'm sorry about that cause I wasn't the same person then and now lol I hope you don't hate it tho, I promise the next one will be better, I still hadn't watched PP but I personally like it more, plus, it is longer.

Anyway, we should all thank our friends @amezonaweekend on twitter for the content we'll get this week (this chapter was probably gonna be posted next year if it wasn't for them).

Last but not least, as usual, I'm sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes and lack of vocabulary, English is not my first language, but it's okay if you let me know if I fucked up somewhere. See you in god knows how long, but reviews might accelerate the process. Okay, bye xx