Jess walked up the stairs, his feet felt heavy, almost as if he was walking in slow motion. It made him feel like an idiot; this was his mom; he knew her like the back of his hand, and there was nothing she could say or do that'd surprise or hurt him anymore, at least that's what he told himself. In his head, he repeated to himself that this was no different than the hundred other times she had gone through her cycle. He wasn't sure why this time felt so different, if anything, this should be easier on him. He didn't live with her, and he was no longer the one responsible for making sure she ate that day, didn't have to clean up her messes in the bathroom after getting too fucked up. Actually, now that he thought about it, he didn't have to deal with her at all. He was just going to hear her out, hear her say the same things he'd heard so many times before, take it with a grain of salt, tell her everything was fine, then walk right back out that door and not think about her again until she hits the next stage in her cycle and she's back to blaming him for all the problems in her world. Yeah, like it's his fault she didn't figure out birth control and had a kid before she was old enough to drive without an adult in the car.

He opened the door to the apartment and saw his mom standing there over the stove, cooking something that he couldn't specify. She was bobbing her head along to whatever song was playing in her head with a smile on her face. It brought him back to her third serious boyfriend, the one right after her second husband. His name was Steve, and he kept her on the straight and narrow most of the time, so there were a lot more mornings when he'd wake up to breakfast being cooked and enough cash that he could take the subway to school, along with even buying lunch. Those were some good times.

He mentally shook his head out of his memories, that was a decade ago; a lot has happened since then, and he wasn't as young and naive as he was back then when he used to think his mom had everything under control and he could finally be a regular kid. He shut the front door harder than necessary, half because he wanted to make himself known and half because those thoughts and memories pissed him off.

She jumped and made a sort of half-squealing yapping sound that he knew well; she always made that sound when she got scared, and still, after 17 years with his mom, he had no idea how a sound like that came out of a human. She turned to him, and she smiled brightly, she ran over to him with her arms wide and wrapped him in a tight hug, "Jess, baby, there you are! Where'd you go? I waited up for you to come down all night last night. God, kid, I missed you so much."

He patted his back awkwardly, not really wanting to hug her but also not able to hurt her feelings by shutting her down completely. "Uh, hey, yeah, sorry. Rory and I had plans."

"Rory, huh? Is that the girlfriend's name? Are you ever going to introduce us? I've never met one of your girlfriends before."

"I've never had a girlfriend before."

She scoffed and slapped his shoulder while rolling her eyes. She turned back to the stove when she smelt her meal burning and spoke while she was trying to salvage the meal. "Don't be so modest, Jess. I'm your mom, I've seen you running around with girls plenty of times."

"What are you doing here, Liz?"

"You know I hate it when you call me that, Jess."

"Yeah, well, I figure it's some kind of cosmic payback for naming a boy Jess."

"Oh, come on, it's cute! I bet all the girls love it."

Jess sighed as he sat down at the kitchen table, "Seriously, why are you here? Didn't you send me away because I was 'too much to handle'? I figured you'd keep your distance for at least a few more months."

Liz gave up her hamburger at a loss; it looked like a hunk of black chalk. She sighed as she turned the stove off and walked over to join Jess, sitting down at the table, "Jess, I know I messed up. Jeez, I messed up so many times in your life, hell, in my life." She reached over and tried to take his hands in hers, but Jess pulled them away. She made a sad face but didn't comment on Jess keeping his distance; she knew she deserved it anyway, "You know I sometimes let myself get carried away with drinking, going out too much, staying out too late, leaving you alone to fend for yourself, even when you were way too young to be able to. I've been a terrible mom, but I've stopped drinking, stopped the pot, the other things, I'm done with all of that…"

"Stuff, I'm never going to touch it again, and I'm going to be a better mother to you, I promise." Jess cut her off, finishing the monologue they'd both had memorized for years now.

Liz laughed a little awkwardly, "I guess we have had this conversation a few times before, haven't we?"

"Yeah, and if it doesn't make any difference to you, I'd rather not go through it again." He said, making to stand up.

She reached over, grabbing his hand, stopping him from standing, "Jess, come on, that's not fair. I'm your mother, don't be ridiculous. Of course, we're going to fight, but in the end, you'll forgive me, you have to, it's what family is about."

He ripped his hand away and stood up forcefully enough that the chair he was sitting on pushed back and fell over. "Are you kidding me?" He asked, his voice starting to rise, "Do you really think it's that easy? I'm not ten anymore, I know you better than that, I know you'll be back to getting high in a few months from now, and we'll be right back to where we were."

"Come on, Jess, that's not fair. Staying sober isn't easy, it's constant work, I know I've messed up and backtracked before, but it won't happen again, I won't let it. Especially if I have my son there with me, supporting me, willing to call me on my shit when I have a weak moment."

"What?"

"Come back home with me; I miss you. We can do this together. I'm sure your friends will be thrilled to have you back around. Please, it'll be fine, just like old times."

He opened his mouth, a spew of mean and pointed things to say to his mom rolling over in his head; he had five different things to say that would completely devastate her, along with six things that would absolve her of all guilt. However, he couldn't get his mouth to say any of the hundred words flying through his head; he didn't want to hurt her, no matter how badly he felt she deserved it. But he also didn't want to make her feel better, absolved of all the messy, fucked up shit he put her through in the past. He couldn't believe she'd actually ask him to come back, actually think he'd just be able to move past everything, everything that she put him through without even a sincere apology. Don't get him wrong, the last thing he wanted to do was to talk about it; he'd lived his life by avoidance and denial, it's gone pretty well for him so far, he'd say, so he was fine with keeping it going. That being said, he had no intention of going back to live with his mom. Even if he truly forgave his mom for all the bullshit, he wouldn't even consider leaving Rory and everything he'd worked for over these last few months.

No, he had Rory, who, although he wasn't quite ready to say it out loud yet, was the most important person to him, he wasn't willing to hurt her for anyone, even his mother. But even if he didn't have her, even if she was still with that oaf of an ex of hers, he wouldn't want to go with Liz. Because it wasn't just Rory, it was this whole town, everyone and everything else; he knew he gave everyone a hard time, he kept his distance and was an asshole when someone managed to get close enough, but he cared in his own way and wasn't used to having people look out for him the way people of this place did, there was no way he was willing to give that up so soon. Especially because he'd just be going back to the rundown, trashy one-bedroom apartment to live with his mom, who would soon remember how depressing their lives were and go to the bar to drown her sorrows, leaving him back where he's always been, alone.

He scoffed disgustedly, letting all his anger that he had for his mother that he always hid down show, "It's not going to happen that way this time, Liz, I have a life here, and there's no way I'd give it up to go with you just to be proven right in three months when I find you passed out in the bathroom floor with puke around you, that you know damn well I'll be the one to clean up."

"Jess, come on, don't be dramatic, that's not going to happen, I wouldn't put you through that."

His laugh was dark, caustic, hollow, "Yeah, sure, I'll take the liar's words over the years of experience I have doing just that." Jess decided he was done with the conversation. Really, he felt like a fucking idiot for even coming up here anyway; he should have just hidden until she left, he didn't care if that was the coward's way of handling it, that still would have been better than this. He opened the door and took a step out before stopping again, without looking back at his mom, he said, "Go home, Liz."

He took another step to leave the room, but as he was shutting the door, the pleading and cracking in her voice stopped him, "Jess, please, don't leave yet."

He considered leaving anyway; it'd probably be the best choice for him, but she was his mom, and he was never able to leave her in pain. So, with one more failed attempt to convince himself to walk down those stairs, he sighed and walked back into the apartment, shutting the door behind him. His steps picked up in pace when he saw his mother on the ground, crying as hard as he'd ever seen her. It was instinct, muscle memory, to kneel down on the ground with her and wrap his arms around her as if he was trying to keep all the bad in their life away from her. She turned her body to cry onto his shoulder, hugging him back. She was saying a lot that he couldn't understand through the sobs, but one thing he heard over and over again was, 'I'm sorry.' Before he knew it, he was shushing her and saying he forgave her for all the fucked up things she'd done in his life.

He wasn't sure how long they sat there in that weird position on the ground, but he knew his legs had gone numb a while ago. Finally, her sobs quieted down, and she was just breathing harshly, trying to get a hold of herself. Eventually, she pulled back and looked at him sheepishly with her bloodshot eyes and red nose; she smiled at him hopefully, "Do you mean it? Can you really forgive me?"

He looked away from her, knowing if he said yes, it'd be a lie, and if he said no, it'd break her heart all over again. After a while, he managed, "I'll try."

Her arms were still lazily wrapped around him, and she pulled Jess in for a tight hug, another one of those squeals leaving her mouth. "Really, Jess? You mean it?"

"Yeah, I'll try." He said, not too hopeful, he was still just so angry with her.

"Thank you, Jess, I won't let you down again, I promise." She said as she started crying again, this time much happier.

He just patted her back instead of replying; he had no idea what to say. After what he felt was more than enough time, and it was much longer than he wanted to be hugging her, he pulled away and stood up, clearing his throat, "Uhm, alright then. I gotta head back downstairs to Rory; she's waiting for me."

His mom was right back to the cheerful, ditzy person he knew her as, she clapped her hands and did a few quick little jumps, "She is? Do I finally get a proper introduction? Can I finally meet your first real girlfriend? She must be pretty special."

His initial reaction was to say no, his second one was to say fuck no, and his third was that he knew he was going to regret this, but Rory was downstairs expecting to meet her too, so he didn't really have a choice, unless he wanted to storm downstairs and grab her hand on the way out without any explanation. Actually, that would work, she'd just assume the conversation didn't go well and wouldn't push for an explanation until after they were at least a few blocks away. Yeah, that's what he was going to do. In fact, he even took another step to the door but stopped when he saw how hopefull his mom looked.

Fuck, he thought, you'd think after 17 years of dealing with this and seeing that look on her face, I'd be able to ignore it by now. Apparently not.

"Fine, just be cool, I like her."

Liz's face transformed into a huge smile; she felt like this could really be a fresh start for them, he was actually letting her into his life. Jess admitting that he liked someone at all was huge, she knew this Rory must be really important to him, maybe even his first love. She nodded seriously. "Got it."

Jess gave her one more long, untrusting look before sighing and turning to walk down the stairs. When he moved the curtain to the side, he found Rory at the bar eating her food, eyes set on the stairs. She smiled at him hopefully, she had no idea how to act right now, how Jess was going to be after all that. She breathed a sigh of relief; she knew Jess well enough to know that the blank face he was currently wearing meant he was okay, and his lips curving up after seeing her meant he was happy she was there.

"Hey, how'd it go?" She asked tentatively.

"Uh, fine." He said, clearly uncomfortable. He walked over to Rory with his head down, not making eye contact with anyone else in the diner, he grabbed her hand, pulling her back over to the stairs where his mother was just making it through the curtain. He was more than uncomfortable; he had no clue what to do here, he'd never bothered introducing his friends to his mom, let alone his girlfriend, Liz never seemed to give a shit about his life anyway, and that worked out fine for him. Now though, this was weird, and he might actually be nervous, which made him feel like a loser and a little pissed because he had nothing to be embarrassed about. He wished they weren't in the middle of the diner during the breakfast rush, this town already gossiped about him too much, and making a spectacle of this was just asking for this whole interaction to be on the gossip circuit by noon. He felt a little better when he felt Rory's grip on his hand tighten and squeeze once. "So Rory, this is Liz, Liz, Rory."

Rory was her normal, happy, nice self; she held her hand out with a congenial smile on her face. However, Jess knew her well enough to notice that her happiness didn't reach her eyes, he had a feeling she didn't like his mom very much, which, fair, he supposed. He knew he should have done a better job at keeping his mouth shut. "Hi, it's nice to meet you, I'm Rory."

"Oh, hi, it's so great to meet you," His mom said while she basically slapped Rory's hand away in order to pull her into a hug, Jess already regretted letting the two meet. He made eye contact with Luke, who came from the kitchen, and knew he wasn't the only one worried. Rory held her hands out in the air, surprised, before eventually wrapping her hand around Liz's back and patting it twice.

Jess decided enough was enough, Rory looked uncomfortable, so as nonchalantly as he could, he grabbed Rory's hand and pulled her back to his side, not letting go of it once she was there. "Right, well, this was fun, we should do it again sometime." He said with a roll of his eyes, "Rory and I have plans today, though."

"What? No, I haven't even had a chance to get to know her yet. What are you two doing? Can your mother tag along? I promise I won't be an overbearing, third-wheel chaperone; I'll be fun!"

"Oh, uh, no." He said, not offering any explanation, he might have said he'd give her a chance, but there was no way he was just going to let her butt into his life and try to be a present, loving mom for the first time in his life. He ignored how bad he felt when his mom's face dropped, "Come on, Rory."

She nodded her head and followed his lead, but he knew by the look she was giving him she thought he was being an asshole, which he probably was, what else was new? So he stayed quiet as they walked down the street, waiting for her to get mad at him for being rude to his mother.

Rory wasn't sure where they were going, she knew the only plan they had today was to see his mom, in fact, she promised Lane some one-on-one time today, and her best friend was probably waiting for her. She was confused, unsure what to do. Jess obviously was going through something, but she didn't know how to help him. She also couldn't connect all the terrible things she'd heard about Jess' mom with that nice lady visiting she'd just met. She wondered if this could be just some huge misunderstanding. Maybe she should do something to make things better between mother and son. She knew she'd hate it if she and her mother were estranged, especially if it was all just over some confusion. But how could she help? She needed to talk to Liz alone, that might be a good place to start because it was clear she wanted a better relationship with Jess, maybe they could come up with a plan together.

"Whatcha thinking about?" Jess asked after he realized he wasn't going to get lectured. He wasn't sure he liked the face Rory was wearing right now. Normally, he loved when Rory had on her thinking face; he thought it was cute, even if he felt like a dork thinking of anything as 'cute'. But after what just happened, something told him he didn't want a part of whatever Rory was thinking up.

"Huh, me? Nothing."

"Rory…" He said her name in a way that made it clear he didn't believe her.

She hated lying, especially to the people she loved, but before she knew it, when she opened her mouth, a lie was spewing out, "Okay, I was just trying to figure out what plans we had today, did I forget? If I did, I'm sorry, but I kind of made plans with Lane today for some best friend time. I mean, you can come too if you want, Lane will understand, I don't want you to be alone today…"

"Rory," He said loudly, cutting her off. When she stopped and looked at him, he smiled softly, "It's fine, we didn't have any plans, I just had to get out of there. Go have fun; I'll be fine."

"No, you should come with me, she's your friend too."

He scoffed playfully, "Yeah, right, as if I want to hang out with you two doing girl talk, I don't want to know which of the Back Street Boys is cuter."

Rory gasped, slapping Jess, "How dare you! You know I have better taste than that."

"Yeah, I know you don't like that music. I wouldn't be able to date you if you did, but you're still a teenage girl, you're, like, biologically programmed to find them dreamy,"

She rolled her eyes, then leaned in and kissed him, "You're lucky I find you dreamy, I wouldn't take such slander from anyone else."

"I'm not dreamy! More like ruggedly handsome. Yeah, let's go with that."

"Okay, Mr. Darcy, whatever you say."

He rolled his eyes, trying to act offended even if he wasn't really, "Mr. Darcy? Really? I'm not exactly brooding over a manor house, Rory."

"You brood more than anyone I've ever met! I've once seen you brood for an hour over the video rental store not having Hot Reds."

"Well, if I'm Mr. Darcy, does that make you Elizabeth Bennet?"

"Huh, I guess it does."

"Oh please, you've been into me since the first night we met." Commenting on the fact that the literary heroine didn't fall for Mr. Darcy until much later in their story, leaving Mr. Darcy to pine for Elizabeth.

"I have not!" She said much louder than necessary, her cheeks turning red.

Jess laughed, "Whatever you say."

"Sorry, I don't usually go for people who steal from me."

"I borrowed it and made it better! The book was in my possession for less than a day."

"Grand larceny," She said in a sing-song voice.

Jess wrapped his arm around her shoulder, continuing their walk, smiling. His next words were lower, almost a whisper in her ear, "Deny it all you want, you love it."

Her blush darkened, "I found you intriguing, that's all."

"Face it, Bennet, you love me, and you'd have been bored if I didn't come to town."

Rory was positive her cheeks couldn't get any hotter but was proved wrong by his words. Yeah, they said they loved each other the night before, but this was the first time they said it in broad daylight and so nonchalantly. She smiled, "Yeah, well, maybe."

He pulled her a little closer but didn't say anything else until they were outside the Kim's house. "Alright, I'll see you later."

"What are you going to do today? It's really no big deal if you come in with us."

"Yes, it is! I haven't had some good old-fashioned Rory and Lane time in far too long; I need some girl talk!" Lane said, coming out of the house.

"I knew it." Jess said, leaving Lane confused and Rory rolling her eyes."

"We don't talk about the Back Street Boys!" Rory defended.

"Jess, you've gone down a few notches in my estimation if you truly believe I'd listen to that crap."

He held his hands up in surrender, "Hey, I said nothing about listening to them."

"Jess thinks they're dreamy." Rory joked.

"No, I said you think they're dreamy, and I want no part of that girl talk."

Rory shook her head at Lane while mouthing the words, 'he said they're dreamy.' Lane laughed loudly, "Well, if you're willing to talk about cute boys, I might have to reconsider your access to our girl time."

"How many times do I have to say I don't want to hear the guys my girlfriend and best friend find attractive?"

Lane gasped, "Jess, did you just call me your best friend?"

"What? No! I couldn't have, that doesn't sound like me." Rory was sure she saw a light blush covering Jess' cheeks as he turned to start walking away.

"Aww, Jess, that's so sweet!" Lane said, stopping his departure, "You're my best guy friend, too!"

Jess shrugged he felt like a sap and had to change that, "Whatever."

"Don't worry; we won't tell anyone you can be sweet," Lane joked, and Rory nodded her head eagerly.

He shrugged his shoulders again, not looking either of them in the eyes, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Aww, Rory, he's embarrassed."

"I'll see you two later." He tried to make his exit again.

"Jess, wait," Rory yelled, catching up to him and stopping him. She made eye contact with Lane, and knowing each other as well as they did for as long as they did, Lane knew Rory wanted to say bye to Jess alone, so she told Rory she'd be inside. Rory waited for the door to close behind her, "You didn't say what you were doing today. I don't want you to have to wander all around town by yourself in order to avoid your mom; it's cold out here."

He finally looked at Rory, "I'll be fine, Rory. I've got some things to do anyway."

She waited for him to offer more information, and when he didn't, she held in a sigh, "Okay, but if you get bored, page me, okay? I won't be with Lane all day, Mrs. Kim makes her go to prayer groups today."

He leaned in and kissed her, when he pulled back, his lips were quirked up slightly, "Okay, I will."

She stared at him, sure he wasn't as okay as he was making himself out to be, but she learned back at his uncle's funeral that pushing him would only get him to run. So eventually, she nodded her head, leaned in, kissed him one more time, and ran into Lane's. She was going to do something to help him; she just wasn't sure what yet. That's why it was good she was spending the morning with Lane, she needed her best friend's help to figure something out.

Jess walked down the street away from Rory and Lane, unsure what to do. He lied; he had no plans or anything to do today, and right now, his home felt like just about the least welcoming place in the world to him. He knew it was fucked up, but he couldn't wait until his mom went back to New York, he didn't want to see her right now, see her when she was getting all her shit together, and things were going good. He couldn't believe it was going to last long, and seeing her like this only made it harder when she went back to the alcohol.

He took the long way back to the diner, he was planning on sneaking in just long enough to grab enough books and money for food to keep him entertained for the rest of the day. But as he was taking the long way home, he passed something that gave him an idea; he was done waiting, he was finally going for it.

He rushed home and managed to be ignored by the people in the diner and was able to sneak up the stairs to his floor. He packed his backpack full of some books before going over to the poster where all his money was hidden behind, he grabbed all of it and stuffed that in his bag, too. He was going to Gypsie's, he was done waiting, he was getting his car.