*****A Cursed Existence*****

Entry 18: Oh, What A Pretty View…

AN: I blame the Loki show for inspiring the general theme in the first part of this chapter, and Kotor 2 for inspiring the latter (maybe it's nostalgia, but HK will forever hold a place in my heart as best robotic companion in gaming; sorry EDI, Legion and Codsworth, but murderhobo droid is just too much fun). Aside from that, be prepared for some… introspection I suppose is the best word for it.

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Going through a bond with someone is supposed to be a beautiful thing for most asari. It is sharing your whole, embracing each other in a way that briefly makes two into one, in both body and spirit. In my case, however… all it did was assault my mind with memories that shouldn't be there.

Falling. Childhood. My sisters.

On and on I went. Seeing things I hadn't actually seen, people I'd never actually met, places I'd never actually been to. And yet…

Family. Joy. Love.

It was… odd. I was simultaneously myself, and at the same time, I was Justicar Isayla, living through my life in the blink of an eye.

Passing time. Sisters grew older. Found their own love. Father aged. Died. Sadness. Comfort. Mother remained. Sisters remained.

It was honestly mesmerizing to go through: the total life and experience of someone older than me, all the accumulated memories. And yet…

Pain. A sister dead. Grief. Her killer roaming free. Revenge. Justice. Determination. The Code. I would avenge her.

Hundreds of years, condensed into countless little memories, making me miss friends and family I'd never even had.

And yet…

It was almost… empty. So much life lived, so many stories made, tales to tell, relationships made and lost and made and lost, age itself ending them more often than not.

And yet…

More time passed. The Code became life. Justice a dream forever just out of reach. I was a guardian, so guard I did.

And yet…

Another sister dead. An accident this time. She was older. A family of her own. Mother wept. My last sister wept. I could not. There was no justice to be had here. Nothing that revenge could solve. No Code to guide my actions. My soul cried where my body would not.

And yet…

Enough. End it already. Let me pass on.

And yet in spite of the emptiness, I didn't want to let go. Everything I'd seen, experienced, learned… to lose it all simply because the one who the memories belonged to was dying and soon to be gone. It was… cruel.

And yet…

Please. I can see your own struggle. If you have any remaining mercy, as a final request, let me join my sisters.

And yet… I couldn't bring myself to take it all in. None of these memories were mine, nothing I'd seen something that belonged with me. It didn't feel right. Even as a part of myself felt that, however, another part kept trying to keep them to itself; latching onto the memories as if they were her own.

Why? I asked that me.

There was a deafening silence before I gave myself a whispered answer.

Empty…

Empty…

Empty…

And yet… I understood who this side of me actually was.

Oh…

The part of me shied away; despite its own age, its own knowledge and experience, its personality and memories, right now it looked like nothing more than a child afraid of being left by herself in the dark.

Oh Miri… you aren't alone anymore. You can let go.

She shook her head, hugging the memories closer. It almost looked painful for her.

Almost let go once. The first time. Started to forget. It was important. She was important. Not again.

The little me shivered, and given where we were was not exactly physical, I knew it wasn't from being cold. Moving closer to the other me, I embraced her in a gentle hug, hoping that the move would calm her down.

This isn't like the first time. You know this. You've known this. You can let go. It won't hurt. I'll be here even if no one else is.

Small me looked up and stared into my eyes. I stared back, unflinching, and we just stayed there for what could've been seconds or hours. Eventually though, something in her gaze returned, and she turned to look behind me, causing me to look as well. There, nearby, stood the memory of Isayla, her shade looking far different than she did in the waking world. She looked younger, less rigid, but most obvious of all, happier.

You can go. I won't stop you this time. The other me said, to which the shade responded with a grateful bow before she faded away like nothing more than dust.

You'll always be here? I was asked, the voice deeper than the one from a moment ago, yet still deeply familiar. Turning back to face the actual Miri showed her form having turned into how I look now, although she was still sitting there in the hug, unwilling to part it seemed.

Of course I will, I responded as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Good. Thank you.

We stayed there for a while longer, neither of us wanting to move and break the embrace. A quote from someone I couldn't remember came to mind as it happened: How can you claim to love others, if you never learned to first love yourself?

Although on the topic of others, I couldn't help but feel like I was forgetting something...

Meanwhile…

Hearing a ringing in her ears, Ciaris groaned, sore all over.

Wha… what happened? Did I fall asleep?

Trying to sit up, she felt something in her leg not react the way it should, and she hissed in pain, laying down once more.

Wasn't I doing something? Wait… the interview!

Eyes shooting open, her head whipped around in alertness, trying to see where the mech went, only for her to stop and close her eyes as she felt dizzy from the motion. Feeling a pair of hands gently applying something to her leg, she risked opening her eyes again.

"Easy there, ma'am. Scanner says you have a minor concussion."

The person speaking was Tilasius, the rookie tending to her leg, which had a rather unpleasant gash showing through a rip in her uniform. That was when some of the memories from earlier started to make their way back in fragments.

Ahhhh fuck me… I got knocked out, didn't I?

"What happened?" she asked, slowly propping herself up on her elbows, having trouble remembering the moments prior to her taking a nap and hoping Tilasius could shed some light on it.

The rookie grimaced, absently rolling one of her shoulders with a wince. Ciaris now noticed her uniform, which was a spotless affair that looked brand new before, now looked as if she'd been through a war zone. Either that or a dumpster. "The mech stopped playing nice. After that third overload I sent its way, it threw a table at me, with most of the momentum stopped by my barrier, most being the word. I might have a fracture, but the scanner said I'm fine. It'll definitely bruise though. But what it did to you before I could even get out from under that table…"

She looked ashamed, and not having any of that, Ciaris urged her on. "Well? What happened next?"

Collecting herself, Tilasius gave the leg wound another glance over, prompting Ciaris to remember and pull out a tube of medi-gel from a pouch on her waist and hand it to the kid. She looked mildly surprised by it (probably because medi-gel was far from cheap for planets so far from human space, where most of the stuff was made) but accepted it nonetheless, applying it according to her training. The soothing sensation of the gel as it was applied was heavenly considering the pain coming from the leg before, and Ciaris had to stop a pleased groan from coming out as the built-in painkillers got to work. When that was done, and a scan she took of the wound showed it had done its job, Tilasius breathed a sigh of relief before finally giving an answer.

"I didn't see what happened at first. All I know is that when I pushed the table off, you'd jammed a table knife into one of its shoulder sockets, locking it up, and you were trying to avoid the other arm as it had a blade extending from the end of it. You uh… couldn't dodge it for long," she gestured at the leg wound to emphasize the point, "and after going down to a knee, the mech kicked your head hard enough to make you bounce off the ground. Honestly, it's a miracle neither the kick nor the impact managed to crack your skull."

This killing headache I've got is anything but a miracle, but eh, I'll live…

Tilasius continued the story after a beat, letting her absorb the info. "Once it had taken care of you, it showed no further interest and turned to me. I… I'm sorry ma'am, but I surrendered then. The look it had as it glared at me… I felt like it would've snapped my neck like a twig if it wanted to, and there was nothing I could do to stop it…" she shivered and hugged herself a little, hanging her head in shame afterwards.

"Hey, you're still alive, aren't you? That right there is the only important thing."

Glancing up, while there was still a definite look of fear, she at least smiled a little at the words. "Thank you, ma'am."

"So what did it do after that? Why isn't it here now?"

"That's the thing," she started, moving aside so as to let Ciaris look outside the building, the large broken windows providing a clear view of the now debris covered parking lot. "It still is."

Tilasius pointed to where it was, and pushing herself up a little further now that basic medical attention had been handled, Ciaris' eyes followed her direction. Sure enough, the mech was kneeling down over a pair of bodies outside, knife still sticking out from its left shoulder joint, that particular arm immobile from the looks of things. If not for the lack of any other visible damage to it, Ciaris might've felt some pride at 'injuring' the blasted machine.

"What's it been doing?" she found herself asking, unable to figure it out after a few seconds of staring.

"From what I've been able to tell, it's caring for one of those two bodies out there. I assume it's Matron V'Seila she's tending to, though I don't know for sure."

Wait… if there's two bodies, but only one's getting treatment, then… that would mean… Goddess, I didn't even know Justicars could die, never mind that one…

A creeping sense of dread made itself known to her. After all, if the Justicar is dead, then there's no doubt at all that V'Seila is the one they were looking for, which meant that rather than being the investigation team, herself and Tilasius were now witnesses. Considering the influence and power someone like the Matron could bring to bear if she wanted to, making a Justicar disappear would be difficult, but probably doable. A couple of random cops that've seen too much, on the other hand? Trivial. Yet a niggling thought made its way into her head.

Then why are we still alive? That bot has to be running off of orders V'Seila gave it before this all broke out, so why aren't we particularly unpleasant smears on the pavement by now?

Despite her own doubts, she had to know.

"Help me up. I want to have a chat with it; we should be dead right now, and I need to know why we aren't."

Surprised by the statement, Tilasius nonetheless moved to comply, leaning down and letting her rest an arm over the younger person's shoulder. "Are you sure, ma'am? We could at least get in touch with the department to send some backup."

Pausing for a moment, Ciaris mentally shrugged, wondering why she hadn't thought of that herself, and gestured towards a nearby chair so she could sit down and let the rookie do as suggested.

No longer having to act as a prop, Tilasius brought her omni-tool up, going through a series of screens. When she got to the contacts list and attempted calling, however, she scowled. Pressing the call button again, her scowl deepened, and she went through several other screens before sighing and closing the device. "No good. I don't have any reception for some reason."

We're not that far out from the city, so why... *sigh* Probably the mech's handiwork.

"Well, we can't make any calls, so no point worrying about it," she said, feeling oddly at ease with the situation. She chalked it up to the concussion. "Back to the original plan it is."

Nodding, Tilasius helped her up once more, and the two of them hobbled outside through the surprisingly still functional door. Once out, they made their way over to the mech and pair of bodies, only stopping when it looked at them suddenly, a dangerous glint in its mechanical eyes. It was only then that Ciaris noticed it was currently lacking any holographic color to its crest; no bubbly blue or angry red, only the normal grey of its metal plating.

The three of them stared at each other for a few seconds before the mech apparently decided it didn't care about them anymore, going back to caring for who Ciaris could now tell was indeed the machine's owner. The elder asari's right cheek and hand were somewhat bloody, along with a wound on her leg that was roughly patched up via very simple first aid. Apparently the mech didn't have medi-gel in whatever storage was built into it.

Seeing as how it wasn't paying them any attention, Ciaris felt herself release a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding. So it didn't have orders to kill them. She was pretty confident of that, but its actions just now confirmed it.

Feeling confident enough in her choice now, she tried to summon whatever courage she had as she spoke. "What are you doing?"

Barely giving them a glance, the mech continued its ministrations, hovering a scanner over V'Seila's body, doubtless checking for internal injuries. "Carrying out Emergency Protocol: Sunset."

Not knowing what that was supposed to be, Ciaris could only blink, mildly confused. "I see. Are we allowed to leave the area?"

At that, it paused its activity to look into her eyes, and she returned the stare. Mechanical or not, the android's eyes showed a remarkable amount of thought going on behind them, which further confused and concerned Ciaris, at least until it spoke up. "No, you are not. However, the Mistress will require transport back to the manor, and will desire to speak with you upon waking. As her skycar was detonated in the engagement, your vehicle will be suitable."

Somehow I have a feeling this is less a request and more a demand.

"And what if I refuse?" she asked, testing the waters.

The machine narrowed its eyes, an action more at home on something living, before it responded. "Sunset protocol is very clear: should any witnesses survive, they are to be detained until the Mistress can deal with them. As she is currently incapacitated, guidelines dictate I am to carry out the protocol using whatever means necessary."

Call her crazy, but Ciaris really did not like the way it emphasized that last bit. "Whatever means necessary" is very much so open to interpretation, and while this VI seemed smarter than normal, a command like that tended to mean they were going along with what it wanted whether they were in one piece or not.

"Alright, alright, we'll drive you and your mistress back home." Remembering the Justicar's now lifeless body – Athame, did it look disturbing though: the corpse's face was frozen in an expression somewhere between ecstasy and agony, while simultaneously looking almost hollow – Ciaris chanced another question. "What about Justicar Isayla?"

Turning its view to stare coldly at the corpse, the VI answered accordingly. "Standing orders are to dispose of organic waste appropriately." As if an afterthought (can a VI even have those?) it added on a further statement. "By all metrics, the asari named 'Justicar Isayla' meets the description of 'organic waste' perfectly. Your vehicle should have enough storage space to transport it."

Not exactly knowing how to react, but not feeling like joining the Justicar in the afterlife just yet, Ciaris bit the inside of her lip to keep from saying anything.

Am I really going to be an accomplice to a crime like this? It's… wrong. I can't just ignore this as having no choice, dammit!

The android, meanwhile, finished its first aid, and then glanced down at the knife still in its shoulder joint. It reached over to grab the knife's handle with its other hand, and, with mechanical precision and grace, slowly began pulling it out. The still disabled arm twitched erratically during the process, at least until the knife was fully removed. Upon having done so, it moved the arm, clearly being careful not to stress it, in what appeared to be experimental flexes to see if it still worked. A few good swings later saw it picking up a shard of metal the size of a plate and bending it enough to leave an impression of its fingers, followed by folding it in half entirely, all while using just the single (previously damaged) hand. Once it was satisfied, it threw the shard off into the nearby woods, it disappearing into the distance faster than it had any right to.

Athame… this isn't just a test to see if it's functional, it's also a warning… shit… fucking! *sigh* Shit…

"Come on, Tilasius. Let's… make sure the car is ready to leave," she said, trying to hide how defeated she felt at this point.

Before the other officer could respond, however, the mech stood up. "No need."

As if on queue – knowing her luck, it was – their police cruiser smoothly pulled up next to the trio, landing as gently as it could. It was far enough away from whatever happened out here that it didn't even have a scratch on it, much to her surprise, though said surprise was eclipsed by the fact it had pulled up on its own.

"Is this you?" she asked the rookie, who shook her head in the negative, just as shocked. "Then how-"

"An inefficient replica from Elkoss Combine based on standard Armali Council security programs," the mech said in what could only be derision, answering two questions in one. "Your department is… cheaply maintained."

For some reason that one comment made her wince. It wasn't exactly wrong, per se. It's simply that the funding was needed elsewhere on a border world with the terminus such as theirs; military equipment and huntress schools, for example.

Not wasting another second, the mech carefully kneeled down and picked up V'Seila's still unconscious body, holding her up with both arms. If this was a holofilm, it'd look like V'Seila was an injured maiden being carried to safety by a heroic rescuer. Unfortunately for all parties involved, a holofilm this was not.

"Will you not assist?" the mech asked upon noting neither of them had budged, as if it was obvious they should.

"Wait, you want us to help?! But- but it's illegal! You'd be making us criminals!" Tilasius voiced her own thoughts, even if Ciaris couldn't do so herself.

"I was unaware self defense against a person intending bodily harm was illegal. Perhaps you are misremembering Public Safety Act of Thessian Territories, paragraph 236, section 3: 'Any citizen to which an act seen as hostile with intent to injure or maim is carried out against, has every legal right and justification to defend themselves, up to and including lethal means, if the instigator has clearly demonstrated the desire to commit the same against them'. There are no further required determining factors." It paused its stride then to turn back and look at them, about to open the car's passenger side front door. "Per Mistress V'Seila's preferences, my databanks of Citadel and Asari Republics laws and customs was updated three standard days ago. However, if it has been changed since then, please inform me so that adjustments can be made."

Dead silence was their only response. Ciaris herself could only vaguely remember something similar to the law it just quoted, though considering it definitely sounded about right, she had to search her memory to double check it. "What about paragraph 310, section 5?" she questioned, thinking she found one. The mech paused for a moment, seemingly searching for something.

Am I seriously arguing with a bot of all things about my own government's damn laws?!

Sure enough, it responded a moment later. "Paragraph 310, section 5: 'Upon being issued a warrant for their arrest, any citizen resisting arrest can be detained with use of force'." Feeling proud of herself, Ciaris just as quickly deflated when the android continued. "However, no arrest warrant was issued, and as such no justifiable reason was given for the attempt on my Mistress' life."

But… that… I…

To say she couldn't respond was an understatement. She was further locked in silence when it kept on going. "Furthermore, your actions against myself, Aena, VI assistant of Mirilley V'Seila, as well as the Justicar's own actions and your assisting them, can be counted as vandalism and destruction of private property, aiding an attempted homicide, and endangering bystanders, specifically the establishment owner, 'Old Ira', in the crossfire. Additionally, your own department's methods and procedures were repeatedly broken throughout this engagement. If you wish, I can even provide video and audio references. However, with your help, I believe the Mistress will be willing to overlook the transgressions and generously ignore the multiple violations in exchange for your cooperation. Will you assist me now?"

She couldn't believe it. No, that was wrong: it was simply unbelievable.

I'm getting blackmailed by a fucking VI! What in the unholy fuck!

"Well?" the VI asked again, and Ciaris could've sworn there was a mocking undertone to it.

"Fucking- fine! We'll… Athame, I'm going to hate myself for this… we'll make sure your 'Mistress' gets our cooperation." Ciaris couldn't bear to look at the rookie and see whatever face she was making; the younger maiden having gone completely stiff at her announcement was enough of an indicator of her thoughts on the matter. Directing her next words to said person, she didn't even bother to hide her frustration. "Either we help her now, or one of two things will happen: she'll pay off one of the higher-ups to make the story whatever she wants it to be, which means we'd be at minimum removed from the force, if not imprisoned, or we'll join the late Justicar Isayla in discovering whatever 'disposing of organic waste' is supposed to mean. And I don't know about you, but while I hate my job, I like living. Despise me if you want, but at least you'll still be alive to do it."

Still not looking at the rookie, Ciaris nonetheless felt it as a shuddering breath made its way through her assistant's body before she slumped a little. "I know, ma'am. I just… it's hard to just accept it, you know?"

Glancing at the carnage around them, and privately wondering just how it was going to be covered up and explained – maybe a faulty gas line caught fire underneath the parking lot and detonated, or parhaps a third party tried taking out both V'Seila and Isayla to make it look like they killed each other, while reaping whatever benefits were to be had – she prepared herself for what was doubtless going to be a miserable few days ahead of her…

Meanwhile, in the Sowilo System, Hagalaz, somewhere along the equator…

In a dark room, orange screens covering every wall and information flowing across them like a digital river, sat a single, massive being, its eight eyes roaming over the data laid out in front of it with the cold precision of a predator tracking down its prey. It just so happened that the prey the being preferred was knowledge that, if unleashed, would see entire governments toppled overnight. Like holding a dagger to the throat of the galaxy, it derived a certain pleasure in holding the strings of aliens that believed themselves untouchable by any normal means.

However, the Shadow Broker was anything but normal.

"Operative Enaion, you are to carry out the mission. I expect a report within the next solar cycle. That will be all."

Closing the call, he continued watching the feeds, each eye processing a different screen's worth of information. Most would look at one of his kind and see nothing but a brute, yet that belief was anything but true. It had, however, been quite useful as a tool in his ascension to the position of Broker several years prior. Granted, it also helped that he had the muscle to match the brain; on a world of predators, his kind evolved to be on top for a reason, as the only way to survive was intelligence firmly kept in balance with strength.

If anything, he did enjoy learning galactic history in his spare time; it could even be said that the history of the Shadow Broker was galactic history, in a way. Regardless, it was far more expansive than the severely limited scope his own people had, but funnily enough, it taught him much the same lessons. A smart weakling was easily killed or coerced with a proper threat, as the salarians and volus so regularly demonstrated. Meanwhile a strong fool was easily manipulated with promises of whatever they sought, as the krogan and turians were so happy to prove with their respective histories.

His passing thoughts were brushed aside as one of his eyes caught something out of the ordinary.

An asari enforcer, a Justicar, recently sent to investigate a string of disappearances stretching back decades on the planet Calabsa. Possible relation to a known rogue ardat-yakshi. Intriguing. Potential for blackmail? Given age of average asari, and length of time ardat-yakshi has been on the run… very high. Further investigation will be required…

Sending the agent that reported it a message saying much the same as his thoughts, he once again allowed them to wander, so used to skimming the data for useful things he could use that it was second nature at this point. So many little puzzle pieces to fit into a grander picture, so many shards of information that tie together to a greater whole… so much livestock simply waiting to be herded where their real master desired them to go.

An agent assigned to Saren Arterius failed to report in twice in a row? Possible detection is likely, but increase in security is concerning. What are you hiding, turian?

And thus, the work continued, never-ending as it has always been…

A tad shorter than usual, I know, but sometimes it's not about the length, it's about the content.

Right then! Another chapter down, and more to come. As per the usual, I hope you enjoyed, and I'll see ya next time.