Aphex Twin - 11 Donkey Rhubarb Remix
July 05th, 1778
Afternoon
...
…Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock KnockKnock Knock KnockKnock Knock KnockKnock Knock KnockKnock Knock KnockKnock Knock KnockKnock Knock KnockKnockKnockKnockKNOCKKNOCKKNOCK!...
Okay, I guess I should stop hitting the door.
Those don't seem to be knocks, although they do sound alike. Either way, Lennie might be mad by now, seeing how long it took to hear those steps. Maybe she was sleeping, or taking a bath, or both. If I could reach that knob up there... Why did this house need to be so big, in the first place? Not even daddy, or Lennie, are that tall. Though, Lennie sure is tall, like a mother. Oh... I know, I know. Stop aching, please.
There's time for anything, but now I need to open the door. Maybe I could wait for Lennie to come open it for me, but I had been waiting for this for too long. Yes... the time I shall open the door by myself. Although, I may need some help. Not Lennie's, but someone else. Maybe if Dan lifted me up, or Fratley?... Well, for some reason, Fratley just followed me to my house. I didn't even notice him, unlike how he does notice me, with those eyes, even behind that hair of his.
Maybe he was bored of being left on his own, so he just followed me, the one who became the nearest to him, since the moment we bumped into each other. Well, we didn't meet each other this way, but it sounded like how things went, even if they might sound different to anyone else, like Fratley himself. I had a reason to leave him on his own, since I thought he wasn't alone, because he had been enjoying catching some butterflies, to later release them, but not before he watched them keenly.
Others, mainly adults, would kill these kinds of butterflies, or any other insect, so they can look at them for an eternity, but Fratley's eyes aren't just a pair of green glasses, a color unlike the glass where the corpses of many butterflies are kept against their will. A fish and their eggs also goes deep into my throat against their will, and I am fed watercress and bell peppers by Lennie against my will as well. Though, I am beginning to like the taste of oats, or maybe its the milk that comes with them as well.
Hngg!... Her will is above me, as much as this door seems to be above me. Hng! Hnng! Ahn!... Damn, I jump, and yet, I can't reach that knob... Pant... Pant...
Whew. I wish I could jump, like a Dragoon Knight does, like mother used to jump, like Lennie used to jump. What a pain. I am bouncing, rather than delivering straight jumps. I guess I should ask Fratley to lift me up, or maybe I could lift him, because that sounds easier than the first option. No, both are equally hard enough, 'cause it's hard to convince someone to do things for you, without going unrewarded. I don't think Fratley has any kind of attraction towards rewards, other than being satisfied after any kind of conversation. The same couldn't be said of his stomach, who needed another kind of food, other than words to be eaten.
— Hey, Fratley! – I said, as I turned my back to the door. I just said the name of his, since he was the only one nearby, and also the one who I had been looking at.
I had no idea of what I should be talking about with him. With Dan, it's another story, since he shares a bunch of stories, but without Dan, or father, my conversations seem meaningless. So, I take a glare to that face, some would say it's cute, but in that way, I would be cute too, and then, I noticed that something was gone, the same couldn't be said for that sparkle in his eyes, or whatever was that coming up from between the black and green half of those. Maybe it was me, but I couldn't see clearly, with those flaxen strands above them
Funny how he looks at me quietly, while I figure out what we should talk about. I enjoyed his mother's pancakes, though. He grabbed the ball on its first try as a goalkeeper, that's impressive enough for a little guy like him. I think I'm out of topics for discussion, I just want to come inside and tell Lennie that she is my mom, and that hurts to be said.
— Fratley… I wonder, do you know whatever happened to your lucky clover? You know, the one you wore on the back of this ear that day?
— My lucky clover? – Fratley said, as I came up with that sort of absentminded question.
He was surprised, if I may say, and who wouldn't? I guess nobody else asked him about that clover, or ever noticed such at the back of his ear. Well, except me. I'm akin to details, or so the devil belongs to them. Anyway, that 'lucky clover' of his was gone, since it once stood at the back of one ear, the same one who listened to me, belonging to the kid who always seemed to listen to me. And answer me too, since he was not a baby anymore.
– Oh, I know! Sorry, but I lost it.
— Oh, that's okay. I do not mind, you see. – That swallow feather is pretty, though. – I just asked, because... well, you had been carrying that clover at the back of your ear last day, don't you remember?
— Yeah, that's right. Maybe the clover fell somewhere else... – Fratley looked around, crestfallen to his pockets, as if there was a clover hidden in one of them.
Unfortunately, for him, there was nothing in there, not even dirt. This may be as meaningless as the talk I had , but since Lennie may be changing her clothes by now, what else should I do, other than wait for that arm to spin the knob of this wooden door?
She is pregnant after all. Oh boy, dare to say that in front of her! But that's not my intention. Enough humiliation.
And, to be fair, I'm bored of being too quiet, unlike those hands belonging to Fratley Now, after those hands had been put to be later taken out of both pockets, they now stand above his head, under that hat of his. Maybe that clover could be hidden below that hair, below that hat, but each doubt has its flaws, that only I had the time to perceive. I feel like my daddy whenever he's bored, looking at meaningless details.
— It may have fell somewhere else, other than yourself. – I said. Fratley didn't pay that much attention to my words, as usual, although he listened to me clearly. But everyone's ears do listen to another, paying attention or not.
Sometimes, it's hard to make someone follow your advice. Not that Fratley is as reckless as me, but it's just that... How could I explain? I... nevermind. He's just a kid, and I am a kid as well, although I'm a bit older than him. I'm still trying to figure him out. I don't want to be mean to the pointing of saying that Fratley hit his head on the crib, but I have the patience of a saint. Kinda
— Uh... – he muttered, with a sort of disappointment on his face. I guess Fratley couldn't find that clover, as much as I expected he couldn't. Not that I expect contempt for this, but I hoped he could find that clover, somehow. It matched with his appearance, No one else, other than me, seems to bother with small details. Fratley sure is small, a bit insignificant if you ignore him for too long.
— What's up, Frattie? – I asked, when I couldn't hear his voice. 'Frattie'... how seldom do I call him this way? Same goes for Dan, whom I often call by 'Gappys', and Lenneth, who I choose to call by 'Lennie' instead. N
ow, I became quiet as much as Fratley did, or so I thought for a moment. That disappointment of his, unlike this one of mine, soon turned into a sign of gaiety; like, he was about to tell a funny story, or so that smile told me to be that kind of story. I just had to ask, after all.
— You know, uh... no, you don't, so let me tell you what happened, okay? – And so I went all ears to him. – You see, when I came home, to find those cards daddy had hidden in his closet, do you remember?
— I do. – We had quite a lot of fun playing Tetra Master, for sure.
— So, uh… I heard the door opening, so I came downstairs. Mommy was there, and your mommy too, see? My mommy told me to call my brothers, because I was the only one there, besides my little brother, but he's so little that he can't even walk yet, and your mommy didn't know where my brothers were, so I had time to do it. But your friend said otherwise, with those yes, back that day. I didn't know back that day that you two were so upset, and who wouldn't? You two were awaiting for me, or for those cards, or whatever I needed to bring to yours. I forgot to bring those cards in time, and then, I disappointed both of you...
— I don't mind. – Sure, I don't mind. Yesterday was yesterday. – Please, continue.
Lennie hasn't opened this door yet, so all I can do is to keep listening to Fratley. I'm rather tired of listening to myself already, unlike the words of this kid. They fascinate me in a way no one can explain.
— Either way, I forgot for a moment that you two needed me, because, between you and mommy, she comes first, you see. So, I had to call my brothers, my priority was that, no matter the rest, I just had to call them. Mommy had gone to the market all alone, but then, she came thanks to your mommy, and... what is her name, by the way? Was it Lenneth?
— Lenneth. That's my mom… Her name. – Why do I feel shaken by just calling her by my mother? Isn't that the truth?
— Oh, yes, that's her name. Lenneth, right? I thought about that when I went walking, you know, to see my brothers. – And Fratley kept talking because he knew someone was listening. He had to know, I felt pity if I left him talking on its own like a chatterbox. – I guess she didn't speak that much, but I know I've heard of the same before, maybe I had seen her once, or someone who spoke of her name, I know, but I don't know how. And I mean Lenneth, of course.
— Uh huh… – I left a sigh instead of a yawn. I didn't want to look tired in front of Frattie.
— Not so many know about me, or my name, you see. Not even my relatives, can you believe it? So, I thought about your mommy, and her name, before and after I called my brothers, and just as I went walking to meet you, and that friend, cousin, that boy with a gap between the front teeth, a stone made me tumble, because, well, I was distracted, and then, I felt, just as I went rolling into a ha-ha, and I kept rolling, rolling, rolling...
— ...And then, you stopped rolling? – I asked, just so that talk didn't last forever.
I paid attention to Fratley's words, and gestures as well. Speaking about gestures, mostly done by both hands, varying from zig-zags to full circles, I could see, and feel, that he was excited to be able to talk about it, and still he wanted to keep talking. At this point, many would have already given up on this boy, and the story within his. Well, what else should I do, other than keep listening to his?
— Of course I did. I had hit a wall, or the wall hit me... – He speaks so naturally about hitting a wall, like it happens once a week. No one else would giggle in Frat's place. – Either way, I had to stop rolling. Fortunately, you see, I feel fine since that day. The cards and I landed atop the green, a bit yellow, grass, and other plants. Those seeds with spikes went glued to my skin and my butt, as much as they went within my clothes as well, oh dear…
— I know, my friend. – In a moment of sympathy, I hugged Fratley, knowing how much it hurts to have a spike seed by the tip of my naked front tail.
— No worries, Jack! Like I said, I felt fine. – Good to know. – And those spike seeds, I took them all shaking my head, they fell like dandelion seeds. But they were under my feet too, turning my toes into pinches because those spikes were so itchy! Well, except for a clover that got stuck at the back of my ear. I didn't even notice that thing, until you noticed it.
— That was a cool leaf you got there. – I said, trying to look nice to Fratley.
— Yeah. However… – And then he looked sad at me. He pulled out the green sleeve to reveal a stain, purple like wine. – This is what you and your friend Danny didn't notice. The purple, not the one belonging to those Quad Mist cards, but the one which showed off my knees and elbows. And you looked so mad at me that day…
— Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know.
— It's okay, Jack. Had I told you, you would be worried about me and there would be no fun. – Even when Fratley is sad, he finds a way to smile. – Mommy did notice them, even before I had shown them to her. She surely knew I had been wounded, like some sort of sixty sense only moms borrow in their heads. Weird, isn't it?
— Not really. – I know that very sensation. It's like mothers are our guardian angels whenever our dads are far away from us.
— I had to drink a spoon of castor oil, which mommy usually served to my brothers as a sort of punishment, but because I had been kind with her all along, she also had made me prove a bit of maple syrup as well.
— Interesting… – To prove some castor oil, to later taste the flavor of something like maple... Now, I know Fratley sure is lucky. – And what happened to your lucky clover? Wasn't it stuck at the back of your ear all along?
— Well, it was, until today. I took a bath, I changed my clothes, mommy washed my clothes, as she did with the ones belonging to my brothers, we all had dinner, and nobody asked about that clover, not even mommy. And, like, I woke up today with a strange taste in my mouth. Strange, because I had a dream where I stepped on moss carpet, then I went sit on a dinner table, and I had been drinking only water, glasses of water, it was raining outside, then I drank a whole cactus daddy brought from the desert, I felt its spikes into my pants, then mommy gave in my hands a dish full of cut like squares watermelons into my mouth, I spit those black seeds, and then I woke up, with my nose telling me that my bed became wet, once again.
— Okay… – What a vivid description of a nightmare. Sounds silly, so does the boogeyman. Fratley looked at me, shaken and frightened.
— It happens. Like, one of my teeth had fallen on the same day, see? – And he showed me his mouth, pointing out at the hole where once a milk tooth was. Fratley had some nice white teeth by the way, it's something rare to be seen. Too bad they will fall one day, but beauty is ephemeral. Like my patience. – So, I had to sleep, not on the same bed, but on another, belonging to one of my brothers. I had to sleep with Zaccharias, and he complained that I stinked.
— I see… – Do I really have to hear the whole story? Also, what's with Lennie taking so long? Did her butt got stuck in the bathtub? Nah.
— I changed my pants, because, you know, they were soaked, and they stinked, just like my bed. I took a bath on my own this time, and my hands instead of mommy washed me instead. Each one of them refused to divide a single space, even when I said that I could sleep at the tip of their feet. It was getting cold, so I had to sleep.
— And the clover was there, at the back of your ear? – I almost forgot this life story began with a clover.
— Yes, the clover was there, in my ear, unlike now. My tooth was under the pillow, whose feathers didn't have any smell, so I took them both. I hoped that I could find Nezuminoko, maybe even be able to speak with him; however, my eyes said otherwise. How could I talk to that mouse if I had been affected by his sleeping powder? It was then that I was about to fell asleep, the wall and the floor seemed so comfortable at night, until I saw the light, orange light, of that candle, coming from mommy's room.
And this is the moment where I gave up and let Fratley tell his life story, with no further interruptions as I sat on a rock, thinking why. Why!? Why do I exist?... Still, I was all ears to the little boy.
...
I holded of my pillow, as I crossed the corridor between my room, where my brothers stood on their beds, to come above the only remaining bed that belonged to mommy, where daddy used to sleep with her.
My little brother Sixty was sleeping on that crib, where me and my brothers used to sleep too, but now that crib belonged to him, and only. Besides the crib, mommy's arms where also there, to hold him, as much as she uses them to hold us as well. But, with my little brother, she holds tightly with him, and not so much, unlike the way she touches, or even washes me, and my brothers as well. So I had to sleep with mommy that night.
And that was when I had lost my lucky clover, right?
Maybe. Seeing how much I had tried to convince my brothers to hire a space on their beds, which I failed to do so with them all, mommy allowed me to sleep on her bed, as I layed on the same space daddy used to sleep with mommy.
I could even smell his scent, on that pillow and those blankets, as much as mommy could too. I couldn't sleep yet, with that candle lit, so I had blown it with a single blow, aside a mouth covered by a bit of spit.
So, as the room went all dark, like almost the entire house did, as I put my head on my pillow, mommy laid above daddy's pillow, to feel more of his scent, and my tooth rested under my own pillow, covered by same blanket daddy used to share with mommy, and now I shared of that blanket. It was that big, even bigger than me, the blanket, the bed, and mommy too.
With that big bed, I hoped that I had a big dream as well, with no pool of pee to drown in, until I felt something that made me wake up sooner than I expected. I felt a bit of something watery falling in my skin, and this time it didn't come under my pants, but stop my face, like it wasn't spit, or sweat, but a tear. Not my tears, and that wasn't my eye, but mommy's.
She was crying, like a willow does. Seeing that hair and face crestfallen that way, she looked like a willow to me. I couldn't even hear her moaning, like when people do when they cry. Mommy then held onto me, the nearest person who had been there, closer than my little brother sleeping in the crib. He used to wake up in the middle of night before mommy did.
Not that she wanted to wake up, but she needed to do so, because my little brother would be crying, and crying, and I don't think its polite to tell a baby to be quiet, even when hungry. I was hungry too, even after the dinner I had, but I couldn't complain to mommy, seeing how tired she was, even before she came up to sleep on that bed. So, mommy holded me, instead of daddy's pillow, on same way as daddy used to hug her.
I guess that was more than a mere hug. A cuddle, if I could say. Daddy always told me to treat a lady right, no matter the age. I never asked him if it was my age, or the lady's age, that counted. But then, I had no way to ask him that night, or the nights that came before that day.
Maybe mommy had been crying because she had doubts, and daddy wasn't there to answer then. I couldn't answer mommy's questions, like daddy would do, because I couldn't even hear them, like daddy would listen, and only he listened to what mommy said to him.
But, I had to find a way to calm mommy, so I told her, on the first try, that I enjoyed the dinner of that day, although I had peed on my bed that night. Second try, and I told mommy that I took a bath on my own, for the first time. See? Those were good things. And, for the third try, I said, no, I sang a lullaby to mommy. On each night, she used to tell me and my brothers a lullaby, so we could sleep, more than we could under the blanket, and above the pillow. I never had told mommy a lullaby so she could sleep before that night.
And guess what? It worked. Mommy even grated me, and that effort I had to sing, because, well, I only sang to myself all along, but never to anyone else, besides me, but then, mommy heard my voice. Though my voice wasn't as sweet as mommy's, she then released those arms away from me, unlike that look, the same look that could be seen even with those eyes closed.
Before mommy closed her eyes, she told me that, despite my lullaby, a song about spiders being washed down the wall, I couldn't think of anything else, she also appreciated that I stood on her side as well. Not that I wanted to, but my bed got soaked by an invisible yellow of mine, or maybe it was clear as water, but it was dark, so I couldn't see. It was dark in mommy's room as well, although I could feel her kiss, on my cheek, the nearest place besides the lips, whom only she kissed those belonging to daddy. So, after that good night kiss, we had a good sleep. I guess she did, seeing how I didn't feel the blanket moving unusually. Fine then.
I had another dream, and it was a dream unlike any other I had. I had been sitting on a table, only me and mommy, we both sitting on chairs belonging to the same side. I was eating lettuce, prepared by mommy, who looked at me, and the more I could see the look of her face upon me, the more I ate the same lettuce.
When I finished, mommy clapped, and then, I picked up a pretty red strawberry, mommy's favorite kind, with the same fork, then I raised that fork to mommy, to put that strawberry inside her mouth. And it was then that I felt a strange taste in my mouth, a sort of leaf taste.
...
— …Oh! Now I know whatever happened to my lucky clover. I ate it, Jack.
— ...What!? You ate it? – I said, waking up rather surprised, after all I had been kept to endure. No distraction, only to hear this. I guess nothing else can surprise me after this. Or maybe I am utterly wrong, as usual with Fratley.
— Have you ever eaten a spinach leaf? It's the same thing! – Fratley said it, as if it was the most lifelike thing that may happen.
— No. I despise spinach, as much as I despise watercress as well...
— Really? I like them both! – Fratley said, with a yummy tongue. He was surprised as much as I had been, when he said that he ate that clover. And now I had found someone who likes what I don't like. – It's only my tongue that dislikes their flavor. See? – He opened that mouth, and with that index, he pointed to his teeth, from the left to the right. – You put the spinach, the watercress, whatever it's the vegetable you don't like between your teeth. Try to chew them without letting your tongue touch them, and when you have chewed enough, you just swallow everything deep into your throat. If there's a flavor remaining in your mouth, you can drink water, or milk, or eat a watermelon as well. That's how I learned to eat onion slices too!
— Thanks for the advice. – I can see it was pretty good advice from him. Think of how many carrots and peppers I could have been eating, without tasting them, only to feel them deep into my throat... that's why Fratley is a good boy.
— There are lucky clovers anywhere I go, so don't worry if I had eaten one by a single mistake, okay?
— Okay. – Thanks for reminding me of this detail. Fratley sure reminds a lot of things, for someone with a small skull. –
— You know, speaking about food, and those things you put in your mouth, daddy once had to prove his own pee. He said it tasted like hot beer, and guess what? He was right. – WHAT!? Fratley!?...
Uh, is there something that hadn't been there in that mouth, other than food? And why am I interested to ask more!? And where's Lennie to open this door already? Lennie! Lennie! Or should I say mom instead? LET ME IN!
— ...And did you drink beer just to know if it tasted like pee? – What else can I do? I am a curious child.
— Nah, I only had to taste it. The flavor, if you could call it by such, later made me spit in a wall. I'd rather drink my own pee than drink beer once again.
— Well, 'good' for you... – I am speechless, although I want to speak more, and listen more as well. That's one of many faults belonging to my design. Fratley's as well. Goddamnit.
— ...Daddy said to me once that if you pee on your feet, they'll be clean of any kind of fungus...
— Ughhh... Couldn't he just treat both feet with some kind of medicinal herbs? –
What's with urine fascination?
Well, enough of that. Where's Lennie to open this door? Not even the windows are open, unlike Fratley. Besides hearing Fratley, I heard some steps, the same steps I heard before Fratley came up with his explanation. I guess I was so interested, or distracted as well, by his words that I didn't even notice, or bothered to hear those steps.
And, as I expected, the knob belonging to that door twisted, as the same door opened, and mom was there.
Gulp. She looks pissed.