A/N: I am absolutely terrible at keeping to my own timelines. I'm sorry. I hope you enjoy this chapter! Please let me know what you think. Thanks!

Chapter Twenty

Tammy's diaries were not as illuminating as I hoped. There was no clear entry that laid out anything terrible she might have said about someone. She certainly hadn't been a fan of Tommy or Carol since middle school when Carol put gum in her hair and Tommy laughed, but outside of that, there were no clear signs. This meant it was far more likely that she had just been talking shit with Ally as kids do and probably didn't mean anything by it. It also meant I could do nothing to prepare for it.

Coffee was a blessing and despite the weird looks I still got from Tammy's parents, I made a thermos to take to school each morning. It felt like the only way to survive some days.

"How can you drink that?"

I looked up at Robin as she entered the car. I had invited her to the party but she had declined, even though I tried my best to get her to come. Now that it was Monday morning, I felt like she made the right choice.

"One day you will understand the true joy of the nectar of the gods."

She stared at me for a moment before shaking her head and buckling her seat belt. "I don't get you some days."

I put down the thermos at her feet. "What do you mean?" I started driving to the school.

"I just...you don't really make sense. It's like one day you just decided to be a whole other person, which is cool, I like this you, but there's something missing. Like I feel like I'm missing this movement in a symphony that would tie the whole piece together." I glanced over at her. I knew exactly what she meant.

"I don't know what to tell you," I said. "I just...got my priorities together. You should have come to the party. It was...way more people than I expected, but it wasn't bad. Lots of terrible costumes which was fun to see."

"I don't think so."

"Why not?" I looked over at her. "I'm not saying it was great but it was something to do and we were invited."

"You. You were invited. I wasn't."

"I invited you, so you were invited."

"You don't get it," she snapped, surprising the hell out of me. "It's different. I'm not a rising star of high school, gaining more popularity with everything I do. I'm not...I wouldn't have been welcome."

I wanted to tell her that that was bullshit, but I had been that girl. I knew what she meant. "You're always welcome with me," I finally said. "And I'm not a rising star, or whatever." I caught her look of disbelief and had to save myself somehow. "Least, not yet."

"You have no idea, do you?" She scoffed and looked out the window.

I didn't know what to say to that so we sat in silence with only the radio playing until we got to school.

oOo

It didn't really get better.

Chemistry passed without incident and I realized I shared the class with the girl Jonathan had been talking to near my locker. The one who knew about monsters. I still didn't know her name, or at least, I didn't remember it. She looked a little out of sorts and I figured it had to do with the party. It wasn't any of my business though so I left it alone.

English was a whole other story.

I typically sat in the middle of the classroom. Teachers tended to focus on students who sat in the back or the front. Unfortunately, I was noticed by everyone today as Billy showed up and decided he needed to sit next to me. He made the kid who had been sitting next to me nearly run for cover by just giving him a look. I wasn't impressed.

"Morning, cookie," he said and I glared at him. The nicknames were getting ridiculous. "Oh, not a morning person then." He laughed as I glared again.

"It's only second period. It's too early to deal with you. Go away."

"Not a chance! We're only just getting to know each other after the party."

I heard some girls whispering behind us and as I turned to look, they stopped. Weird. Billy looked back and smirked at the girls, which made them giggle. One of them winked at him. I turned back. It was definitely too early for this.

"Don't be jealous," he reached over and nudged me.

I swatted him away. "Knock it off. You don't need to touch me just to make your presence known."

"But then how will our children know we love each other?"

I glared at him as he started laughing. "Like there's not enough rumours going around. Stop messing about. You want to bother someone, the girls back there will accommodate you."

"That's not nearly as fun."

I rolled my eyes. I could hear the girls behind us whispering again and I caught my name among them. I turned to look at them.

"What?" They looked surprised that I was talking to them. "What is it?" I asked. "You're clearly talking about me, so how about you talk to me instead?"

They looked at each other before one apparently gathered her courage. "We're just wondering if you really put out for Billy?" I could practically hear him grinning. "Like, I don't blame you, I just wanted to know if it's true."

I felt Billy touch me like he was reaching out for me. I shoved him back to his seat.

"I want to know if you really said Carol was a major skank?"

"Or if you really think the band geeks make out with their instruments!" the girls started laughing harder.

I felt like slamming my head into the desk multiple times. Did she really? Christ, if Tammy said shit like that no wonder she had Ally as her closest friend. "No," I snapped. "Of course I don't fucking think that! What the hell is wrong with you?"

She made a face as she recoiled from my outburst. "Don't have a cow! I was just repeating what I heard!"

"From who?"

All three of them shrugged. "I heard it from Ryan," one of them said.

"I heard it from Kelly."

"And from you two," the middle one pointed at us. "Didn't Billy just say you'd have kids?"

I twisted and glared hard at him. I must have looked ready to kill him because I thought I saw him flinch.

Thankfully, the teacher called the room to order before any of us could continue. I spent the class stewing in my frustration. What was I supposed to do now?

oOo

I found Robin in the cafeteria. She hadn't been in Stats that morning but it apparently had to do with a rehearsal. She was sitting with some other friends as I walked up. They smiled at me but the conversation between them slowed until Robin faced me and they turned away. I wondered what they had heard. Had Robin? Was that why she was on edge this morning? I tried to start off on the right foot.

"How was class?"

"Markle spent the entire class going on about Thomas Jefferson and how he was one of the greatest presidents."

"Only because of Hamilton," I said, thinking of the plot of the musical in my time.

"What?" she looked confused.

"Nothing," I tried to wave it off. I was too tired to even try to come up with an explanation.

"No, what did you say?" When I didn't answer, she frowned at me. "Why do you always do that? You say something that makes no sense but never explain it. It's so...it's frustrating. Like you're in on a joke no one else is."

In a way, I was, except it wasn't really a joke. It felt like a tragedy that only I was aware of. "Sorry," I said. "I don't mean to."

"I don't want you to apologize! I want you to explain." She took a deep breath and just stared at me. "I like you, Kate, you're a good person and a good friend now, but I don't get you. At all."

"Some days I don't either," I said without thinking.

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing, I don't know."

"Hey, Kate?" I looked up, trying not to sigh in frustration at being interrupted when I was trying to deal with something that I wanted to fix. Carl was standing next to me. He sat down once he had my attention and smiled at Robin before focusing on me. "Listen, I...heard something and I don't know if it's true but I want you to know that we went to homecoming and had a great time, at least I thought we did and I don't hold anything against you, okay? I just want to know if we're friends or if it was all bullshit."

I really felt like hitting my head on the table now in a classic meme fashion. I took a deep breath, trying to calm the frustration that was growing in me. "What did you hear?"

"Look," he said, "it's okay. Never mind."

I grabbed his shirt as he looked like he was about to stand up. "What did you hear?" I asked again.

He told me reluctantly. Apparently, Tammy had once told someone that she thought he was a "talentless geek who would be lucky to end up picking up road pizza for a living". Jesus. It was a wonder Tammy had any friends.

"I just wanted to know if it was true. I mean, we had a good time and I figured we were friends…"

Robin was staring at me like she wasn't surprised. Carl looked distinctly uncomfortable and I could see his shoulders slumping. I had to do something. I wasn't about to let good people feel like shit because of rumours that were being spread because of someone I pissed off.

"Fuck it," I said. I stood up. I used Carl's shoulder as leverage as I climbed up onto the lunch table. I stepped forward slightly to make sure I wasn't going to accidentally step in anyone's lunch before calling out. Loudly.

"Excuse me! Excuse...HEY!" I shouted loud enough to carry my voice across the hall so that everyone could hear me. There was a wave of slow silence that descended. "If you could give me five minutes of your time, it'd be greatly appreciated." I could see everyone staring at me, including Carol, Ally, Tommy and Billy by the doors. Good. "Listen! Apparently, there are some rumours going around about things I've maybe said or done in the past! If I said something cruel or harmful about any of you, I'm sorry. Regardless of whether or not I thought anyone would find out about it, they were cruel and hurtful and I shouldn't have said it just to make myself feel better. That wasn't right. I was a bitch. We're young, now is the time to make mistakes but it only matters if we try to fix them. I am actively trying to better myself and to become a person who I can be proud to be, and that involves me admitting my mistakes and apologizing. So, if you'd like a personal apology, come see me. I cannot work to be a better person if I don't know what I've done wrong. I'm not afraid to correct myself or my behaviour. Thank you." I stepped down slowly. Carl lent me his hand as I jumped off the bench.

"That was fucking awesome," he said.

"Thanks." I looked up at him. "I'm really sorry for the things I said. It was stupid and mean and way before I got to know you, not that that's an excuse. You're a great guy, Carl, and I honestly think the future is going to be so great for you."

"Thanks, Kate," he smiled before he gave me a hug.

I turned to Robin who was staring at me as if she had never seen me before.

"I really don't get you," she said. She got up and walked away without another word. I was left alone with the cafeteria still staring at me.

A sudden burst of laughter cut through the silence. I looked over for the source only to find Billy. He turned to look at Carol standing next to him, and even across the distance, I caught sight of maliciousness on his face.

"Wow! Even when you throw shit at her, she just shakes it off and leaves you looking like the fucking pig." He looked over at me and winked as he clapped Carol on the shoulder. She turned and stormed off.

I looked at my lunch and packed it back up. I wasn't hungry anymore.

[tbc]