A/N: Thank you all so much for reading this and commenting. I absolutely love hearing what you all think. We're slowly getting closer to dealing with s3 in this (as s4 comes out lol). I hope you all enjoy this chapter! I really enjoyed writing it.

Chapter 38

Steve's house was…nice. It was big for the neighbourhood, but it wasn't…it didn't feel like a home. It was very specifically styled, as if they only had it to show off. It fit everything I had heard about his parents so far. It did not endear them to me a single bit.

"This is it," Steve said.

I stood with Buster at the doorway, taking off my shoes and wiping at his paws before we went any further. We followed Steve to the kitchen. It was big, but also hideous in the way that a lot of 80s home styles were. At least, in my point of view. Maybe it was the over use of yellow and green.

I leaned on the island in the middle of the room, looking around and stopping at the sight of the stained glass on the ceiling.

"Oh that? My mom had that installed after she saw it in a magazine. Not that there's a window there. It's just a light." That did not surprise me. "You want anything in your coffee? I got vanilla and…well, there's hot chocolate."

"I'll take half hot chocolate and half coffee. If you don't mind."

He nodded and turned back to the counter. He pulled out a pot and I tuned him out slightly, looking down at Buster.

"You have any bowls so I can give him water?"

"Oh! Yeah! Uh, here," he moved over, opened a cupboard door and pulled out a bowl. I took it with a 'thanks' and filled it with water before moving over to Buster. I put the bowl on the ground in front of him. He looked up at me as if unimpressed but drank from it anyway.

It was weird to be in a house that felt so…unlived in, despite the fact that it was Steve's home.

"Do you ever get lonely?" I asked.

"What?"

"Lonely, I mean…here." I winced as soon as I tried to explain it. "Sorry, you don't have to answer that."

"Oh, uh, no." He looked over his shoulder at me. "I mean, kind of used to it," he shrugged.

"Makes sense," I said, ignoring the sympathy that flared up. "Least you get space."

He gave a small laugh. "Yeah."

I let the topic die, unwilling to press and make him even more uncomfortable. I wandered around a bit, just looking. There was mostly art on the walls. The only real family photo was the one above the mantle in the living room. It was the only real proof that Steve actually had parents. He looked a lot like his dad based on the picture.

"Here," Steve appeared next to me, a cup in each hand.

I took one. "Thanks." I sat down on the couch, clutching the cup in my hands. I hadn't actually spent this much time around Steve. At least, not without something else going on.

Steve sat on the other couch, drinking his coffee. "Did you, uh, get that assignment done? For Ms. Allen?"

"No," I completely forgot about it. "Not yet. You?"

"No." There was another beat of silence. "Thanks for the scrapbook, by the way. It's…"

"Odd?" I offered.

"No! I mean…yeah, kind of?" Steve sighed. "I don't know what I'd put in it."

I frowned slightly before I tried to get more comfortable on the couch. It was made for fashion, not for sitting on. "What do you mean?" I took a sip of the mocha he had made. "It's just for like…things you want for your future."

"I don't know what I want," Steve said. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I mean…I know what my dad wants."

"But what do you want?"

"I don't know! I thought I was going to be with Nancy, like I had at least one thing figured out, but…" he trailed off. "But we broke up and I don't even know what went wrong. Maybe I didn't react right when Barb went missing or, you know, give her the support she needed. It was after that it all started going to shit but I…I don't know." He looked over at me. "I shouldn't be telling you this."

"Why?" I asked. "It's fine, Steve. We're friends. It sounds like Nancy focused more…outward after Barb disappeared, looking for answers. You focused inward. Neither one is wrong but it seems like you just didn't fully communicate and ended up both feeling like you were going through it alone."

Steve paused, seeming to think about it. "I didn't really know Barb," he finally said. "Not well or anything but she was nice and now she's just…gone. We were hallway buddies in sixth grade. We did this project on Mount Rushmore. We ate the model. I made it out of rice crispy treats." He shrugged.

"That's a nice memory," I gave him a small smile. "I wish I knew her better." I was making a guess based on everything I knew about Tammy's choice in friends.

"I just feel bad. I invited her over for the party, could tell she wasn't really having a good time and then we just…left her alone. When we knew there was already a kid missing. It was a shitty thing to do."

"It's not like you could have known," I said softly. I reached over and took his hand. "Unless you were the one kidnapping people, it's not your fault. And considering I'm pretty sure you don't control the other world or whatever with the monsters, I think you're fine. Besides, we learn from our mistakes. That's how we improve. Would you do the same thing again now?"

"No," he said quickly.

"Then you're fine." He fell silent at that but gave me a smile. I decided to change the subject. "Alright," I adjusted my position on the couch to face him more. "What I want to know is if you could do anything in the world, what would it be?"

He looked a little surprised by my words. "Uh…I don't know."

I shrugged. "You don't have to. I mean, despite what anyone says, you have all the time in the world. You don't need to have the answers. Come on, Steve. We're seventeen."

"Yeah? Tell that to my father."

"If I ever meet him, sure," I said. "I'm serious, Steve. You don't need to know. Your future isn't dependent on anyone except you. What matters most is that you're happy in your life. Besides, it's not like you don't have anything going for you. You're good with kids. From what I've seen, they adore you, especially Dustin. You're also a good listener. Maybe you could consider going into counselling or something." I saw his expression and continued. "You don't need to have all the answers as a counsellor, especially one for kids. It just means hearing people out, making them feel valued and helping them learn to find their own answers."

He snorted but didn't say anything. He took a sip of his coffee. I sat back, pulling my hand from his with the sudden realization that I was still holding it and tucked my feet under me on the couch. The mocha was good, even if it had a little too much chocolate compared to coffee.

"I don't want to be like my parents," he broke the silence.

I looked over at Steve. "In what way?"

"Just…is it corny to say they don't love each other?"

"No."

"I feel like they're together because they're supposed to be, just going through the motions. Not like they actually want to be."

"Yeah," I said softly. "Some people do that. They don't…they don't go after what they want. Only what they think they should have."

He looked like he was considering it. "So what do you want?" he asked. "I mean, everyone knows about you and Nashville, but what else?"

I thought about how to answer that. It was the least I could do after he had told me what he did. "I don't know. I mean, sure Nashville is the dream, but things like that are never set in stone. Anything could happen. I think…I think at the end of the day I'd just want to be happy. To know that my friends and family were happy and safe. That's all."

"Not looking to marry rich?" he teased.

"I don't need it," I joked back. It was true. If I was stuck here, I would have at least some idea of what I could invest in. I had no qualms of using history to my advantage.

"Already planning to strike it big or run for president?"

"A girl's gotta have back up plans. World domination sounds nice, but I should probably get my start in my own backyard first."

Steve drove Buster and I home once we finished our coffees that had long gone cold.

Time flew faster than either of us realized as we talked about things we both wanted for the future. It had been weird but nice. I think Steve just needed someone to tell him that he didn't need to choose right away. That he didn't need to follow whatever plan his father had laid out for him. Honestly, even I felt better afterwards. It was nice to know that some things never changed and nobody had all of their shit figured out.

I waved at Steve as I got to the door of Tammy's house and he drove off as soon as I opened it.

"Where have you been!?"

I stopped, stunned at the desperate and fearful tone. Deanna came running towards me from the living room. Sam followed at a more sedate pace. "What?"

"Do you know what time it is?" Sam asked. He sounded angry.

I looked around, confused. "Um, night time?"

"Your curfew was an hour ago!" Deanna exclaimed. "We were worried!"

I had a curfew? I did not remember that at all. "I'm sorry?" Tammy's parents both looked at each other.

"Where were you?" Sam asked again.

"I was walking Buster, wasn't paying attention. Ran into Steve. We got into a snowball fight with the Sinclair kids and their friends, and then we went back to his place and had coffee. I just…lost track of time."

"Lost track of–you should have called, Tamara!"

I winced at the use of the full name, one she hadn't called me in a while. That wasn't good. Deanna turned away, frustration evident in her frame.

"It was an accident," I argued. "It's not like I did it on purpose!"

"Tamara, go to your room. Now."

I went to protest but the look Sam gave me stopped me in my tracks. I dropped Buster's leash and went upstairs. I tried not to lash out. I didn't need a curfew. I was not a child! I slammed the bedroom door without thinking.

The irritation felt like it was consuming me. I hated being a teenager. I hated being stuck in this place. I felt like throwing something.

I dropped down on the bed and lay back. Throwing things wasn't going to help, even if it would make me feel better. I felt stifled.

There was a knock on the door.

I didn't bother to say come in. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I felt like a prisoner and had no desire to engage with the warden at my door.

The door opened and I looked to see which of Tammy's parents it was. Hopper stared back. I sat up quickly. "What are you doing here?"

"Your folks called me earlier. Looking for you."

I scowled automatically. Hopper sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed. "They were worried."

"They don't need to be. I'm not a child."

"You are to them," he motioned towards the door.

"I know," I said. I sounded petulant.

"Then you gotta give them a break." He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. "A lot happened in this town Kate, even before you arrived and kids went missing. They're going to worry about their daughter. About you."

"I know."

"They don't know your shit, Kate. You gotta…be gentle with them."

It was strange hearing this from Hopper. I sighed and dug my fingers into the skin of my arms. "This isn't fair."

"No," he agreed. "It's not. But it's the hand you've been dealt so what are you going to do?"

I scrunched up my face at the question. He had a point. It wasn't like I could turn back or go home. I didn't know how and it wasn't just unfair to me. Tammy's parents had no clue that I wasn't their daughter. Not really.

I groaned and fell back against the bed again. "Okay, I get it."

"Do you? Because I don't want to get another frantic call about you missing curfew and your folks thinking you might be missing with the Holland kid."

"I get it," I snapped. I took a deep breath. "Sorry, I'm just…frustrated."

"I know, but it ain't me you need to talk to kid, it's them."

"I'm not a kid!"

"You look like one," he shot back.

"What am I even going to tell them?" I sat up quickly and glared at him. "That I'm a grown ass woman who earned adult privileges by being an actual adult walking around in a Tammy suit? And that when they treat me like a kid, when they look at me and see her and not me, it makes me feel insane! Like I'm small and breathless and not actually here. How about that Hopper? How's that sound?" I hissed, trying to not lash out. My hands were shaking. "I'm putting in all this effort every single fucking day for someone else's life! I might never go back to my own! Or I could wake up there tomorrow and this was all for nothing! I could have ruined this girl's life!" I suddenly burst into tears. I couldn't stop myself. I bent over, trying to stop, to just calm down so they couldn't hear me. It just made it all worse. Something deep in my chest ached at the reminder that I was stuck here and I wasn't me.

Hopper's arm went around me, pulling me into his side. "I know ki-Kate. I'm sorry." He patted my back a couple times and I let out a broken laugh at the attempt. None of this felt worth it right now.

"I try…I try so hard," I said, wiping the tears off of my face even as they kept falling. "It doesn't fix anything that matters. Why doesn't it matter?" I cried harder.

Hopper remained silent, but he didn't move. He just sat there, hand awkwardly on my back until he pulled it away. "It does," he finally said. "Might not see it now, but it does."

"It doesn't feel like it."

"I know, but you matter. The little things you do add up Kate and before long, you can see the impact it has on the people around you. Or sometimes you never find out how much something you did or said meant to someone. That's life. You just gotta live it as best you can, no matter what comes your way." He paused for a moment. "But I admit, body swap is pretty weird. Don't suppose there's any set of directions on how to do that right, but you do a good job, even if nobody tells you. You've done right by Tammy, her parents, her classmates and everyone else you stick up for and make friends with."

I started crying again at that.

"Oh come on," he sighed. "Don't cry. I didn't say anything that bad this time."

I gave a small choked laugh but did my best to stop. It didn't really work. I was still shaking with the sobs I was trying to hold in.

"Jesus, I changed my mind. Just cry already."

I tried not to laugh but he sounded so freaked out that I couldn't stop myself. It stopped the tears at least.

"Women don't make any goddamn sense," he muttered.

It made me laugh harder. When I finally stopped, wiping the last of my crying off of my face, I looked over at him. "Thanks, Hopper."

"Yeah, don't mention it." He got up and turned to face me. "I'll try to tell you you're doing a good job more often. I forget it's important for people to hear that," he said. "Get some sleep, Kate."

"Thanks. For what it's worth, you're doing a good job too."

He smiled and nodded. "I'll tell your folks you're okay. Just…figure out something to tell them."

"I will."

He nodded again and left. Now that I was alone, I felt exhausted. It was bone deep. I just wanted to sleep. Maybe for the rest of the year. Or until I woke up in my own body. I didn't want to do this anymore.

[tbc]