August 15, 2014

Gwen's House; 2:15 pm

Gwen didn't understand it, but she'd improved drastically within the last week. She could perform basic spells without effort, and her old go-to spells were more effective than before. But her progress was stagnating.

She's been practicing a new spell for the last two days but couldn't get the hang of it. The pronunciation is perfect, and her hand motions mirror Charmcaster's, but it feels like her mana hits a wall when it's time for the spell to activate. She'd just watched another spell fissile for the twelfth time in the lady twenty minutes.

"Okay, I'm calling it," Charmcaster announced, "we're going back to basics."

"Why," Gwen exclaimed, "I've been doing so well. I don't want to go back to practicing how long I can hold a ball of light."

"I meant your basics." Gwen sat on the grass, allowing Charmcast to continue. "So, as you know, the potential is genetic, and how powerful your magic differs from person to person. This also applies to the type of magic the magician specializes in."

Gwen had studied the different types of magic extensively. Abjuration, conjuration, divination, enchantment, evocation, illusion, necromancy, and transmutation. Charmcaster's is conjuration, and Hex's was transmutation. A magician could perform the other magic types to varying degrees, but their specialized type was always the strongest.

"I think you're an evocation magician," Charmcaster said. "All the spells you mastered are considered evocation, so it just makes sense."

"So what?" Gwen asked. "I'm not gonna be able to learn any other magic then?"

"We'll come back to that. There's a theory that your specialized magic is tied to who you are as a person, and to become a master magician, you need to become the ideal version of yourself."

"Wait, I thought master was a title."

"It's more of a feeling of overcoming an obstacle. I didn't become one until I stopped comparing myself to Hex. Then I unlocked my true potential." Charmcaster waved her hand towards a tree, causing it to come to life, growing arms, legs, and a face. Gwen jumped back, taking a fighting stance. "Woah! Calm down, Gwen. This isn't a test or anything."

"Dispel it!" Gwen ordered. Charmcaster gave her a worried look but did as she said. The tree became lifeless and collapsed to the side. Gwen lowered his fists but refused to get closer.

"Looks like you have a lot more obstacles than I thought." Charmcaster took a step towards her causing the girl to flinch. She was shaking and breathing heavily. Her flight or flight response was on high alert, and it didn't look like she would run away. "What's going on, Gwen?"

"What would you say if I told you I have past trauma from being almost eaten by alien plants on another planet?"

"I'd say you need therapy," Charmcaster deadpanned. "But, if I knew a therapist who could help with that, I'd already be using her."

Her joke seemed to ease her student's nerves. Charmcaster led them out of the woods and back into Gwen's house. The air conditioner was on full blast even as they reached the end of Summer. Charmcaster gave Gwen a glass of water, and the two sat together until she was no longer shaking.

"Feeling better?" Charmcaster asked.

"I think so," Gwen replied.

"If you don't mind me asking, did your magic stop working after the alien plants?"

"No, it was after we came back from our Summer trip in '08. I was suspended from karate, and I tried to practice magic, and nothing would work except for the mana skin."

"Ability-enhancing spells are useful for regulating mana," Charmcaster whispered under her breath. "Why were you suspended?"

Gwen explained how her karate instructor lectured her about losing control and breaking a classmate's nose. Then, she explained how her magic came back after fighting the shadow creature and banishing it.

"And if I had to guess," Charmcaster began, "your magic left after you broke up with Ben."

"More or less," Gwen replied.

"I think I understand now. You've lost control of your life and only feel in control when you're in a life-or-death situation."

Gwen thought it over. It explained why fighting alone wasn't enough to cause her magic to improve but not why she drastically improved overnight.

"So, what do you suggest I do?" Gwen asked. "Should I start being selfish and put myself first?"

"No, that wouldn't make a difference. You're a people pleaser and an overachiever, and it obviously stems from your mommy issues.

"I don't have mommy issues!"

Charmcaster ignored her and continued.

"Every time your magic has failed you, it correlates with someone you care about, usually your mom, being disappointed or upset with you. You need to take control of your life and stop hiding in fear of what others think of you."

"That's not really an option for me," Gwen whispered. She has so many secrets that she can't tell anyone, especially her family.

"It doesn't have to be everything, but there has to be something you can at least tell your mom. Something you've been ashamed or scared to talk about." Then on cue, Gwen's mother walked into the room. "Good afternoon, Natalie."

"Good afternoon, girls." Natalie smiled at the two, causing the unease in Gwen's stomach to grow. "What're you up to?"

"I was actually about to leave," Charmcaster said as she walked to the door. "Gwen said she needed to talk to you about something."

"Oh really? Are you going to stop by for dinner later?"

"Of course! I wouldn't miss it for the world." Charmcaster gave the two a wave as she walked out the door.

Gwen was bewildered. When did Charmcaster become so close with her mother? The thought was soon put to the side because her mother was now watching her intently. Gwen blurted out the first thing that came to her head.

"How was Ken's orientation?"

"It went well. They said he's very bright and will be a fine addition to Rosegrove's preschool program." Natalie smiled as she spoke. "Now, tell me what's really on your mind."

Gwen felt trapped. She knew there was no way of getting out without revealing something, but how could she? Her life is a complex series of lies and unbelievable secrets. Even if she found the courage to tell her mother the truth, would she even accept it?

It would take less energy to conjure a palm-sized light than to try and explain her magical abilities. But she knew it wasn't her secret to tell. Her grandfather had spent his entire kids' lives protecting them from the paranormal threats lurking in the shadows.

That left the other secret. The one she feared more than the Wildvines on Xenon. The one that left her filled with shame and regret.

"I want to go back to karate!" Gwen shouted.

"Oh, Is that all?" Natalie chucked. "I'll give Mr. Saito a call tomorrow. You're very talented, so I'm sure you'd have no trouble joining the adult class." Natalie began to start on dinner.

Gwen had panicked. That was the moment to speak her truth. To finally speak out on what happened that night four years ago. Just like that night, she couldn't do it. But her mother was satisfied with her answer, and she could walk away from this. Her life would continue, and she could try to find another way to fix her magical ineptitude.

Gwen turned to leave for her room but stopped at the base of the staircase.

"Is everything alright, Gwen?" Natalie asked, chopping vegetables.

"I want to talk about Ben."

The knife cracked down on the cutting board, echoing throughout the house.

"What about him?" Natalie asked in a low voice.

"That night you saw us, it was my fault."

"Oh, sweety, you can't blame yourself for what he did to you."

"No, mom, you're not listening to me. I was the one that wanted it."

"Is that what he made you think?" Natalie picked up her phone and began scrolling through her contacts. "Your father found a woman who helps survivors of sexual abuse. But, my God, if I'd known this was what you've been dealing with, I would have had you speak to a therapist years ago."

Gwen couldn't believe what she was hearing. She could feel the rage building up within her. She slammed her fist against the wall, screaming, "you're not listening to me!" Pictures shook, and the lights flickered. Natalie dropped her phone and looked toward her daughter.

"Ben was the one that started it, but I'm the one that pushed us to that point. Ben always respected my feelings, never pushing me to do anything I was uncomfortable with. I'm the one that would ask him to take things further because I liked the way he made me feel, and I wanted more of it."

The rage soon calmed, leaving sadness in its place. Tears stung her eyes, blocking her vision. Gwen balled her hands into fists and tried to hold onto the final bits of courage to speak.

"I loved him, mom; even now, I still do. I was too afraid to tell you then, and now I lost him. I know what I did was wrong, but I couldn't stop how I felt about him. But I'm ready now."

Gwen felt a pair of arms wrap around her. She looked at her mother's face, and there was no anger or sadness, just pity and disappointment.

"I'll let Hope know that dinner is canceled," Natalie said. "We're going to have a long talk after your father gets home."

"Yes, mother."