A/N: Thank you all so much! I'm so glad you're enjoying this so far. It's been a blast reading your reviews. I hope you enjoy this chapter and, as always, you can find me on tumblr at 'asirensrage' where I post moodboards, gifs and other things I create, as well as answer questions about my fics. Enjoy!

Chapter 39

I woke up as Tammy. I didn't really expect otherwise, but every time I did it wore away at the seed of hope I had. I hated to even acknowledge it because it was a constant reminder of what I lost.

I had to drag myself out of bed.

I didn't want to move. I didn't want to have to make up an excuse or submit myself to a bunch of stupid rules, even if I understood why I had to. I just…I wanted to sleep.

I threw off the covers before I could change my mind. If I went back to sleep, I'd have larger problems getting up later. I couldn't avoid my problems. Especially this one. I moved slowly, just getting my feet off of the bed. Once they were, it was easier to force myself to sit up and from there, move to the washroom.

I still dragged my feet, but at least I was up.

I went downstairs in my pyjamas. At least there would be coffee with the rest of the bullshit I had to face. I didn't even know what time it was but at the sight waiting for me, it was late enough that both of Tammy's parents were up.

"Tammy," Deanna smiled as soon as she saw her. "Come on. Are you hungry? I have breakfast ready. Come sit."

I moved over, sitting across from Sam. "Thanks. Is there coffee?"

"Sure, sweetheart." Deanna ran a hand over my hair before heading to the kitchen.

I rested my head against my hand. Sam peered at me from over the newspaper he was holding.

"You sleep well?"

"Yeah," I said softly.

Deanna came back to the table and put down a plate that had pancakes on it. She also gave me a mug of coffee. I grabbed the coffee first. Tammy's mother sat back down and I could see both of them look at each other. I waited to see who would break first.

"Sweetheart, we need to talk."

"I know," I sighed. "I'm sorry I was late."

"We know," Deanna said. She gave me another soft smile. "That's just the outside factor, sweetheart. We want to know what's on your mind. You seem…worried. There's been a lot of changes this year and high school will be ending soon. I know we're not the only ones telling all you kids that adulthood is just around the corner, but I realized we haven't asked you if you feel ready? Do you feel ready?"

I took a deep breath. "No," I admitted. I looked between them. Both Sam and Deanna were watching me carefully. They had inadvertently just given me a great excuse. I had completely forgotten that Tammy's school was ending. "I have no idea what I'm doing."

"What do you mean?" Sam asked, frowning slightly.

"I just…I have no idea what I'm doing. I mean, I don't know how to be an adult! No one's taught us about taxes or how to get power or water at a new place. I don't even know how to move! What are you supposed to do? How do you even find a place? What does a good rental agreement even look like? Or a bad one? How are you supposed to know? And do I have to transfer mail? Is that a thing? What else don't I know? And Steve and I were talking yesterday about it but he has no clue either. His parents aren't even around to ask. He's just all alone in that giant house. How are we supposed to figure this out?" I paused to breathe and saw Sam look at Deanna. They must have had some silent communication pass between them because Deanna nodded and the next thing I knew, Sam was getting up and leaving. "What-?" Deanna touched my arm.

"Don't worry, it's fine," she said softly. "Tamara, you don't have to worry. It's a whole new adventure, but your father and I, we'll help you. You won't be alone when it comes to these things. I'm also sorry to tell you that a lot of being a grown-up is paperwork and appointments."

I groaned at the reminder. The one thing I did not miss was bills and paperwork.

Deanna just gave a small laugh. "I know." She pats my arm. "Now, we need to talk about Steve."

"Steve? What about Steve?" Deanna shifted in her chair and I suddenly felt dread fill me at her look. "Oh no, no, no," I shook my head and moved back. "It wasn't like that! We just talked! Steve and I are just friends!"

"Regardless," Deanna continued to my utter mortification. "I would rather you be safe. So once you eat and get dressed, we're going out."

"Out where?" I asked, suddenly wide awake and regretting ever getting out of bed.

"We're going to get you birth control."

"Oh god."

It was freezing.

It did not stop me from being in the junkyard again. I was trying to beat out the aggression that still lingered. I was still upset about the curfew…and the subsequent sex talk Deanna gave me on the way to get birth control. I had to stop myself from correcting her a couple times.

"Didn't figure I'd find you here, Queenie."

Of course. It figured that in the latest worst week of my life so far, he'd show up. I sighed and dropped the sledge hammer I was holding. I turned to look at Billy. "What are you doing here?"

"Saw your car," he said, flicking the ash off the cigarette he was smoking. "What areyou doing here?"

"Baking a cake."

He grinned. "Funny as always. What are you really doing here, cupcake?"

"What does it look like, Billy?"

"Like you're trying to beat it into submission. What'd it do to you?"

"Existed." I took a deep breath. "Sorry, I'm just…"

"Angry."

I look up at him in surprise. "What?"

"You're angry." He takes another drag of his cigarette. "You're taking it out on the scrap."

I scowled at him, uncomfortable with the way he was seeing me way too clearly. "So?"

"So what's wrong Queenie? Who pissed in your cornflakes? You and Harrington break up?"

"Ugh! I am not dating Steve! Why does everyone think that?"

He raised his eyebrows at her. "Word at school is you did nothing but write your names together inside little hearts for the last 2 years. Now he broke up with his girl, you found your nice shiny spine and the two of you chill together"

I couldn't stop the look of horror on my face at the start of his explanation. "Oh my god," I muttered to myself. "What was wrong with this girl?" I shook my head, looking back at Billy. "Listen, I can't say anything about…what I was like before, but I made the decision to actually stand up for myself and be a decent person. I don't know if you noticed, but I don't actually have a lot of friends. Steve doesn't either. So we end up just hanging out. It's not a big deal. We're friends. That's it."

"You need better friends."

"Yeah, maybe when people become better people."

"That's your problem. Still thinking you're better than-"

"No," I cut him off. "I just expect better of myself and others I spend time with. Why would you want to hang out with a stuck up bitch anyway?"

He grinned at me. "Cause you're hot."

I rolled my eyes. "And you're shallow. Be careful, there are some puddles with more depth in this dead-end town. They don't take kindly to competition."

He laughed at that. "Don't worry, you won't get rid of me that easily. I have a queen bitch to win over."

"Give her my condolences."

"Just say them into a mirror, she'll get them."

That made me snort, trying not to laugh. "Seriously though, why are you so hung up on it? You gonna start writing our names inside little hearts too?"

"Only if you want me to carve it into something."

"I'm good." I looked at him, watching as he stamped out the cigarette butt. "Seriously though, I'm not going to fuck you. You should drop that before you waste any more time. Unless that better friends thing is still on offer. We can work up to that."

He frowned, looking confused. "You want to be friends?"

"Well it's been pointed out that I don't have many friends and need to stop isolating myself. Why? You got better things to do? Gel your hair? Go buy more cancer sticks? Neglect your car?"

"Hey, that shit's expensive."

I stared at him, unimpressed. "Gee, if only there was a place that held broken cars filled with car parts," I motioned at the junkyard around us. "Ask a mechanic what you need, see if you can find it here and they'll likely just charge for labour. Let me know what you want to find and I'll even help you look. Until then…" I grabbed the sledge hammer and held it towards him. "Wanna hit stuff with me?"

"You're a strange girl, peaches"

"Stop," I drawled. "You'll make me blush. Now come on, it's colder than a ditch digger's crack. You going to hit stuff or not?"

"Give me the hammer."

Debbie showed up for Christmas. She started pulling at my aura as soon as she saw me before I had to wave her off, darting for cover behind Sam. He seemed amused until she turned on him. Thankfully, Deanna was already skilled at diverting her sister's attentions.

"Debbie! Merry Christmas!" Both of them hugged each other tightly.

"Merry Christmas! I made some pryaniki and vzvar this year! It's in the car with my bags." I perked up instantly at the very familiar names.

"I'll get them," Sam said, taking himself out of the situation.

"Pryaniki?" I asked, moving closer.

"Yeah," Debbie smiled at me. "Just like our grandmother Lera used to make," she nudged Deanna. Holy shit. Tammy was Russian. Or part Russian. What were the chances?

"It's only a family dish," Deanna says, giving me a pointed look. Right. It was incredibly dangerous to be even remotely Russian in the 80s. I nodded automatically. The stories I had heard from my father suddenly came back to me. Even in Canada, things had been rough.

"Of course," I said. "I'm going to see if dad needs any help." I slipped past them out the door. Really, I just wanted to take a look at the dishes. Possibly steal one if I could get away with it. I didn't think I would have missed it, not until it was mentioned. It was suddenly like all the memories of my babka sneaking me some came flooding back.

Sam seemed to have the same idea.

"Ah-ha!" I pointed at him. "Caught you!"

He pulled out of the car and smoothly handed me one of the pryaniki. "You saw nothing."

I took a bite and gave him a thumbs up. "Agreed," I muttered around the mouthful. The two of us stood there, eating the priyanki.

The familiar taste of honey and spice made my throat tighten. I couldn't cry. Not in front of Sam because of a cookie. I shoved the rest in my mouth, brushed off the crumbs and grabbed a bag. I headed inside, stopping to hug Debbie in thanks. She had given me a bit of home, even if she didn't realise it.

Debbie smiled and hugged me back tightly. "I got you, Kate," she murmured.

I nodded my thanks, holding back the tears, and took her bag upstairs to the guest room. I hid in the bathroom, just until I got myself back under control so I wouldn't cry at the dinner table. It was okay. It was just…a small Christmas miracle. I had to be ok.

Dinner passed with surprising ease. Debbie kept the conversation going, flitting from one subject to another and keeping the attention on her. I couldn't have been more thankful. She got Sam to even debate with her over the use of burning sage in a house. It was a little hilarious.

By the time Christmas Eve was ending, I was curled up on the couch with hot chocolate. We were watching a Winter Wonderland. Deanna had wrapped me in a blanket and I felt myself drifting off.

"-it going? With Kate?" I heard Debbie ask softly.

Deanna sighed. "It's…okay. I don't know what's gotten into her. She missed curfew the other day. That's never happened before Debbie. We were so worried."

"Really?" I heard Debbie ask. "How many times did we break curfew or sneak out?"

"It's not the same, not after Will Byers and the Holland girl," Deanna insisted. "I think I understand why our parents were so angry at us." Both of them laughed. "She told me she's worried about being unprepared for being an adult. I told her I'd help with that."

"We can all help," Debbie said. "I have a few tricks up my sleeve I can teach her."

"Card tricks?" I heard Sam ask.

Debbie just laughed softly. "I was thinking more budgeting, and situational awareness as a single female but I can teach her that too. Did she tell you why she missed curfew?"

"She said she was with Steve. Just talking."

"He said that too," Sam added. "Looked terrified when I showed up at his door."

Debbie laughed loudly before sounding like she clapped a hand over her mouth. "You went to his house? The poor boy."

"His parents left him again," Sam's tone was serious. "His folks don't stick around from what he told me. He's a good kid but often on his own. Just needs a bit of guidance."

"You're a good man," Deanna said. "I don't think Tammy even knows how close the two of them are now. You remember how he was all she talked about last year? Aside from Nashville. It's good they're actually getting to know each other and.."

"She's not building a shrine in her closet?" Sam asked dryly.

"Like you did for Davis Cassidy?" I heard Debbie tease.

"Oh stop it," Deanna said. "Both of you."

"Is she still talking about Nashville?" Debbie asked after a moment.

"No," Deanna said softly. "She barely ever mentions it."

"Bit of a relief," Sam added. "She used to think everything would work out. There was no convincing otherwise. Now she seems to actually be thinking about the world and what it takes."

"She still has that stubborn streak but it seems to be aimed at making friends. Better friends. Thank goodness."

"You didn't like the last ones?" I heard the amusement in Debbie's tone.

"They…didn't bring out the best in each other," Deanna said. It was way more polite than any way I would have phrased it. I shifted slightly, trying to get more comfortable and the conversation fell quiet around me. I heard one of them stand up and someone took the empty cup out of my hand and tucked the blanket around me a little tighter.

They murmured to each other and as I strained to listen, I fell asleep.

[tbc]