EEEEEE I'm excited and a lil scared for y'all to read this chapter because some things happen that I've been planning for a WHILE so please share your thoughts! Thank you to KimmyWSmith for proofreading. Love you all ! xoxo, Eden.

Song: Losing Your Memory

Artist: Ryan Star

Call all your friends
And tell them you're never coming back
Cause this is the end
Pretend that you want it
Don't react
The damage is done
The police are coming too slow now
I would have died
I would have loved you all my life

After a cozy morning of drifting in and out of dreams, I woke up to a weight heavier than my blankets on top of me.

"Elena?"

She was smushing me with a hug. "Your mom let me in."

"Yeah, obviously. But what are you doing?"

"Waking you up."

"You're suffocating me." I pushed against her shoulders but she didn't budge.

She laughed. "I'm a twin blanket!"

"Are you trying to be funny?" I asked. "It's creeping me out. I'm supposed to be the funny one."

Elena finally flopped over next to me. "There's room for more than one funny person in this bed."

"There isn't room for me, you, and whatever news you're obviously trying to sugarcoat right now. So spill."

Elena sighed. "John is back."

"John? John as in—" I lowered my voice to a whisper "—As in our father, John?"

Elena nodded.

"Elena, what the hell?"

"We found him while trying to trail Isobel," Elena said, "Apparently he's been looking for her too."

"So you brought him back?"

"No, I didn't—"

"Then what is he doing here?"

"He followed us, okay?" Elena balled her fist around a section of my comforter and released it, leaving a lumpy indentation in the fabric. "When he saw us, he knew something was wrong and he wouldn't take no for an answer. He said we 'need him'."

"No, we don't."

"I know. But we—" Elena put her arm around me and patted my shoulder " —Aren't going to worry about him right now, because we have brunch to go to."

"Brunch?"

"It's too late to call it breakfast."

"New rule: I'm only participating in morning meals if Stefan makes the coffee. Stefan coffee is the best coffee."

Elena rolled her eyes. "That's not a rule. Come on, you need to have the pancakes at the Grill at least once."

The smell of slightly burnt coffee greeted us as we walked into the Grill. There were people sitting at almost every table, and the allure of pancakes was dampened.

"Looks like the whole town is here," I said. Alaric and Jenna were eating at a table by the window. "Does that mean he's sleeping over now?"

Elena rolled her eyes and looped her arm through mine, "Come on, I'll ask Matt to get us a table in the back."

Elena was right; the pancakes were amazing. Plus, I couldn't remember the last full meal I'd eaten. After taking my last bite, I set my fork down a little harder than I intended.

"So," I said, "This deal you have with Elijah,"

Elena sighed and put her hot chocolate down. "Look, Lucy, I'm sorry about yesterday. I know what he did was wrong, I know that, but he's the only person who knows anything about what we're up against."

"But nothing!" I replied. "He obviously doesn't understand the value of life, so why should we trust him to protect yours?"

"Tyler, hi!" Elena avoided my eye and smiled at Tyler as he slid into the chair next to me.

"Hey, are Stefan and Damon with you guys?" He asked.

I shook my head. "Nope, you're in the clear."

"Actually, I'm looking for them."

"What's wrong?" Elena asked.

"Jules is still pissed at Mason for 'betraying werewolves' and she's threatening to go to the Mayor and blow the lid on this whole supernatural thing."

I drained my water glass while Tyler was talking. My mouth still felt dry. "The Mayor as in. . ."

Tyler nodded. "As in my mom."

"That's not good," Elena said.

"She doesn't know about you?" I asked.

"No," Tyler picked up a fork from the extra place set in front of him and started banging it against the table, "And given that she's spearheading the anti-vampire council, I don't think she'd take it too well if she found out."

"Where's Mason?" I asked.

"He went into the woods to find her. He thinks he can handle this himself." Tyler's eyes widened as he shook his head. "But I'm not so sure."

"Maybe he can." I replied. "Maybe she'll take better to a conversation with him if there aren't any vampires around."

"She wanted us to join her pack," Tyler slammed the fork down. "Do you really think she came here alone?"

Elena reached across the table to grab my phone and held it out to me. "Call Damon."

"Hey baby," Damon picked up the phone after a few rings. "Everything okay?"

"We just ran into Tyler at the Grill," I said, "Jules is still mad at him and Mason, she's threatening to tell Carol Lockwood about all of you."

Damon mumbled a few choice words. "Didn't she get her revenge already?"

"Apparently not enough. Look, Mason went to talk to her, but Tyler's worried that things will go south…"

"I'll deal with it." Damon said.

"I don't like the sound of that."

"Yeah, well I don't like the sound of the head of the Founder's Council knowing I'm a vampire. Stefan?" Damon called out. "You up for a hike? Oop- gotta go, world to save, brotherly bonding to do, all that fun."

I shoved my phone back in my pocket and crossed my arms. "He said they'll deal with it, whatever that means."

Tyler got up from the table.

"Where are you going?" Elena asked.

"To finish breakfast with my mom, and then keep her occupied for as long as I need to." He said.

"Does Caroline know what's going on?" Elena asked. "Maybe she could—"

"No." Tyler cut her off. "Keep Caroline out of this."

Tyler pushed his chair in, rattling our glasses as the wood slammed against the table, and stalked off to rejoin his mother. From the host stand, Matt gave Tyler an icy stare, before looking over to Elena and shaking his head.

"What's going on there?" I asked.

"It's complicated. I don't think Matt and Caroline have been having such an easy time ever since she turned. I mean, there's this whole part of her life that she has to keep from him but she doesn't have to keep from Tyler."

"Right," I nodded, "So what now?"

"We should go wait for them at their house." She threw some money on the table, then paused with her hand hovering over her purse strap. "If that's okay."

I nodded. She slung her purse over her shoulder, and I followed her towards the entrance, weaving through packed tables.

"Elena!" Jenna caught us as we passed her and Alaric's table on the way out. "Is everything okay? We saw you talking to Tyler, you all looked worried."

"Yeah, yeah, everything's fine. We're fine." Elena lied. "We just have this essay due this week that's stressing all of us out."

"Don't look at me," Ric said to Jenna, "It's not for my class."

"We—" Elena grabbed my arm "—Were actually on our way to Stefan's so we could all work together. Right Lucy?"

"Wha- right. The library at that house is nuts. Might even be bigger than the school's." It certainly was deadlier.

"Don't wait up for dinner, I'm not sure how long I'll be," Elena said, "See you Monday, Ric. Unless you sleep over tonight, too."

Ric coughed and Jenna's face flushed peachy red. We took that as our cue to leave.

I didn't dare go any further into the house than the living room. I didn't want to see if any of Rose's blood had stained the floorboards in front of the study, or if her few belongings were still in the spare bedroom, collecting dust like all of the other objects in this house that had long outlived their original owners.

It was only last night that I begged Damon not to get into anymore danger, and here he was in danger again. A danger that I asked him to run to. Maybe this was always how it would be.

"They're fine." Elena said after trying to call Stefan, then Tyler. Both calls had gone to voicemail. "Tyler said Mason was going into the woods. They probably just don't have a signal."

They had been gone for two hours.

By the time they returned home, the fire that Elena had lit was reduced to embers. Damon had a few leaves in his tangled hair, and even Stefan's hair looked unusually unkempt, but there was no blood. That I could see, at least.

"Finally, I've been worried sick." Elena ran to hug Stefan. "Where were you? What happened?"

Stefan circled his arms around Elena, bringing a hand to her hair. There was dirt scuffed all along his sleeves.

"We got lucky." Stefan said.

Damon held me with one arm and kissed my forehead when I reached him. His entire body was rigid.

"I'm glad you're okay." Elena ducked out of Stefan's embrace. "Now I really should get going."

"Already?" I asked.

"I don't want Jenna to worry." Elena replied.

"Really? She seemed—"

"I'm sure Damon can take you home if you'd rather stay." She cut me off.

"Or not." Damon smirked. I elbowed him in the side.

Elena rolled her eyes and left. Stefan tucked his thumbs into the front pockets of his jeans and waited for her to drive away.

"I'll be back later." Stefan said. "I need to hunt after today."

"I've still got a couple bags of o-neg downstairs." Damon replied.

Stefan shook his head. "Not now, Damon."

Damon unlooped his arm from my shoulder and walked into the living room. He kicked a piece of wood into the fireplace, reigniting it, before falling back onto the sofa to bask in the light of the flames.

"Damon, what happened?" I asked.

"The same thing that's been happening. Elijah showed up out of nowhere to save the day."

I sat down next to him. "How bad was it?"

"It doesn't matter," He replied, "The wolves won't be a problem anymore."

"Is Mason okay?" I asked.

He nodded, eyes still stuck in the same vast expression he had walked in the door with.

I touched his face. "Are you?"

He leaned into me, resting his face in the crook of my neck. I slid my hand from his cheek into his hair and ran my fingers along his scalp. We only stayed in that embrace for a few minutes before there was a knock at the front door.

I held Damon's hand while he answered the door. It was Elijah; he did not mirror Damon's disheveled appearance.

"Speak of the devil and he shall appear," Damon said. "At least you learned how to knock."

"Now that—" Elijah pushed past Damon to enter the foyer, and Damon twisted his arm so I was standing behind him. "—Didn't sound even remotely like gratitude."

"You want gratitude? Fine, thank you for sending your little witch friends to save us. I'm sure you'll find a way for us to pay you back." Damon said. "Which brings us to why are you here?"

"I thought we could finally discuss the terms of our arrangement."

"We do not have an arrangement. You and Elena have an arrangement, the rest of us are just trying to figure out why the hell she chose to trust you of all people."

"You're one to talk about trust, Damon." Elijah said.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You throw around these accusations of untrustworthiness, yet you must have been lying to Lucy here the entire time you've been with her. I can't imagine she would still be by your side otherwise. Tell me, do you really not trust me?" Elijah circled around me and Damon. "Or are you just looking for someone to project dishonesty upon in order to distract from your own lies."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Damon replied. His hand was clasped around mine with near-painful force.

"Oh, I think you do." Elijah's dark stare was unfaltering. "You know, you really should be careful about what you discuss, or at least where you discuss it."

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Yes Damon, what is going on? Would you like to tell her, or shall I?" Elijah asked.

"Still don't know what you're talking about." Damon replied.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about." He took a step closer to Damon. "And you know that if Lucy were to know the truth about the night you—"

"Get the hell out of my house." Damon growled.

"Gladly," Elijah nodded towards me, "I can see you have much to discuss."

Damon slammed the door behind Elijah and stormed back into the living room. He poured himself a drink before sitting back down, not looking at me.

"Damon," I tread cautiously across the space between us, "What was he talking about?"

"It's nothing."

"You're not acting like it's nothing."

"It's nothing!" He drained his glass and slammed it onto the end table. "Just drop it, okay? For both our sakes."

"No, tell me." I sat next to him and put my hand on his knee. "Please. Whatever it is, I'm sure the thoughts running through my head right now are a million times worse."

"They're not."

"What?"

"Worse." Damon folded his hands over mine. "They're not worse. This is."

"What is?"

He shook his head. The flames in the fireplace reflected in the glassy tears forming in his eyes.

"That night. . . the night of the accident. . . " A tear dropped when he finally looked at me. "It was me. I was in the road."

"What? Damon, what are you talking about?"

"It was this— this thing that I used to do." One of his hands clenched into a fist, and he raised it to rest his knuckles against his firmly pressed lips. "I would go out, find an empty road, lie down and just . . . wait."

I pulled my other hand out from under his. "That doesn't make any sense. Wait for what?"

"For someone to drive by and stop to see if I was hurt. It's how I used to find people to feed on."

I stood up. "So you're saying. . . you're saying that this whole time— God I've had so many nightmares about that night, just trying to fill in the blanks and you're telling me that this whole time it was you, playing some- some game with your prey?"

"Lucy, I'm so sorry. You have to believe me, if I had—" Damon stood up, and I backed away from him.

"No. No, no, no. You knew!" My voice cracked as I choked back a sob. "You knew how badly I needed answers and you kept this from me?"

He tried to pull me closer to him but I pushed him away the moment his hand touched my shoulder. I spun around and pressed my hands against my eyes. When I pulled them away they were wet.

"Why did you save me?" My voice cracked as I turned back towards him. "The doctors said I must have swam to shore and not remembered it. That never made sense to me. Why did you save me when you were just trying to feed on me in the first place?"

"I didn't pull you out of the water."

"What?"

"It wasn't me." He said. "I didn't save you."

"Then what happened?"

"I have no idea."

"What do you mean? You just left?"

"I mean I don't know. It was a bad time. All I cared about was Katherine, and how to fill the place she left in my life. I was drunk all the time—"

"How can you not know?" I asked.

"Because I don't know! All I remember from that night is your car swerving off the road, and then nothing. My mind just goes blank. That first day I met you, I was shocked, because I remembered your face and I thought for sure—"

"No." I shook my head. "The day I found out that you were a vampire, you showed me memories from almost two hundred years ago," I whispered, "Every single one of them was crystal clear. Like I was there. You're a vampire. You expect me to believe that you, what, blacked out?"

"You think I'm okay with that?" He yelled. "You think I don't comb over every memory, every detail of that day trying to remember what I missed? You think that night doesn't haunt me?"

"Stop," I said, "I don't want to hear anymore from you. I don't care about whatever alcohol fueled whirlwind led to you forgetting the night my brother died. Because I can promise you, no matter how much that night haunts you," I wiped my eyes, "It haunts me more."

"Lucy, I'm sorry."

"How did he know?" I pointed to the front door. "Why did I have to find this out because of him?"

"Because apparently he makes it his business to know everything. Lucy please, you have to believe me, I never meant to—"

"Were you ever going to tell me?" I asked. "If he hadn't said anything, would you ever have told me?"

"I don't know." Damon shook his head. "Not like this. Never like this."

"I trusted you." I backed towards the door. "Against all of my better judgement, against everyone's advice, I trusted you."

"Don't leave, please. Just listen—"

"There's nothing you could say that would change the way I feel right now."

"I love you."

"I can't believe a word you say anymore." I said. "How? How could you let me love you while keeping this from me?" I jerked my hand away when he reached for it. "Don't. Just let me go."

"At least let me take you home," Damon pleaded.

"If you really loved me, if there's any part of your sick, twisted mind that's even capable of love, you would understand why I don't want to be anywhere near you right now."

Glass shattered behind me as I walked out. As soon as I shut the front door, I leaned against it, trying to catch my breath. When I blinked the blur of tears out of my eyes, I realized I wasn't alone.

"Stefan?" I used my sleeve to wipe my face. He was sitting on the stone ledge outside just outside the door. "How much did you hear?"

He stood up. "I heard enough."

I started sobbing again. Stefan held out his arms and let me collapse against him, hugging me while I cried. All I ever did anymore was cry.

"It's okay," Stefan said. "Come one, let's get you out of here."

I rested my head on the window of Stefan's car as he drove. He wasn't on the road to get to my house. He wasn't on a road that went anywhere familiar. He was just driving.

"Did you know?" I broke the silence with my hoarse voice.

"Hm?"

"Did you know that he was there the night of the accident?"

"No, god no." Stefan pulled the car off of the side of the road and turned off the engine. "Lucy, I had no idea. I never would have sat back and watched him lie to you like that."

"So many lies," I whispered.

"I know," He said, "I know, and I'm so sorry."

"You're not even going to try to defend him?"

"No, I'm not." He leaned back in his seat and rapped his hands against the steering wheel. "I've almost given up on him so many times over the past century and a half, it would be hypocritical of me to expect anything else from you."

That was Damon, bringing hurt with him everywhere he went, until even his own brother wasn't on his side anymore.

"You know, I think you're my best friend." I said, breaking the stagnant silence.

"Elena might take offense to that."

"She doesn't count, she's my sister. She has to be my best friend." I said. "But you're my friend without any obligation." I let out a laugh that sounded more like a cough. "I can't believe I used to be scared of you."

"I can." Stefan said. "Lucy, I almost killed you. Everyday I look at you and think about how lucky I am that I didn't."

"Scratch that, sounds like you do feel obligated to be nice to me."

"I mean it. I'm glad I know you, and I'm glad you're here."

"That makes one of us."

"Don't say that," He put a hand on my shoulder. "I know things are really hard right now, but Elena would be devastated if anything happened to you. I would be devastated if anything happened to you. After everything you've been through, you owe it to yourself to make it through this, to find your happiness."

"Have you?"

"Have I what?"

"Have you found your happiness?" I asked.

Stefan started the car and steered back onto the road. He didn't ask if I wanted to go home, he just took me to Elena's house. She answered the door wearing her pajamas.

"Can Lucy spend the night here?" Stefan asked.

"Yeah, of course." Elena rubbed her eyes. "What's going on?"

"You wanna go upstairs?" Stefan asked me.

"Yeah, go ahead. I'll be up in a minute." Elena said.

I nodded. I could feel them staring at me through the silence as I went up to Elena's room. I sat on her bed and held one of her throw pillows in my lap as I waited for her.

"Hey," She came and sat next to me on the bed. "Stefan told me what happened." She put her hand on top of the pillow I was holding. "Lucy, I don't even know what to say."

"Then don't," I said, "Seriously, can we please talk about anything else? Like why you're avoiding Stefan?"

"I'm not avoiding him."

I crossed my arms and stared at her until she sighed.

"Because I love him, but…"

"But what? You love him, be with him. End of story."

Elena pulled at a loose thread on her comforter. "When I met him, after I found out what he was, I was terrified. But part of me was also relieved. Suddenly he was this- this person that I could love safely. He couldn't die; I wouldn't lose him. I just never considered that I would be the one to- to...I know that pain. I can't put him through that, Lucy."

"But what about what you're putting him through now? What about your deal with Elijah?"

"The sacrifice won't happen, but something will, someday. I'm human, and I want to be human. I see the way Stefan looks at me, the way he fights for me, and I just know that someday, someday within his lifetime, I won't be there for him to fight for."

"But that's years from now, Elena. Why are you thinking like this?"

"Because I had to! Because when I found out about the sacrifice, when I found out about my role, the inevitable that was only ever a whisper in the back of my mind got pushed way up on the timeline. And now I can't stop thinking about it."

I hugged her. "I think about it too."

"Dying?"

I nodded. "I just want to know what happens. Where they ended up, if it hurts there…"

"I don't think it does. At least I'd like to believe it doesn't," She said, "But then I wonder, if it isn't bad, why do we fight it so much?"

"'Do not go gentle into that good night.'"

Elena let out two short breaths. "Someone's been doing their English homework."

"Please don't give up," I said.

"I won't if you don't."

Remember the day
Cause this is what dreams should always be
I just want to stay
I just want to keep this dream in me

You're losing your memory now