Chapter 5: Hyacinth
(Don't have much to say other than this will be something of an opposite chapter to the previous one. You'll see what I mean in a minute.)
It was a crisp Autumn morning at the Peach Creek Juinor High football field. Every once and a while, a cool breeze would blow through the field, freezing the sweat decorating the skin of the football team as they ran about, fumbling the ball and crashing into each other. Yes, it was football season again and Kevin, the captain of the football team, was determined to avenge last year's humiliating defeat at the hands of the Lemon Brook Lumpers.
Now if only any of these guys could actually play.
"Jonny! To your left! Your left!" Kevin called out.
"My what?" The melon-headed boy asked right as Ed tackled him.
"You idiot! He doesn't even have the ball!" Kevin facepalmed.
Meanwhile, Rolf, who actually possessed the ball, ran right into a corner. He turned to see Double D to his left and Eddy to his right, the latter jumping up and down in excitement. "Come on Rolf! Pass the ball over here! You know you want to!" He called out.
Annoyed with Eddy's antics and deciding that Double D was closer anyway, Rolf aimed the ball in the bookworm's direction. "Rolf beseeches you, know-it-all Ed boy! Relive Rolf of the burden of the ball of swine flesh!" He chucked the ball as hard as he could.
Double D eye's expanded to the size of dinner plates as he saw the ball head toward him. "Rolf! No! Wait! Stop!" But as the ball was already in motion, there was no stopping it from slamming into Double D's stomach and sending him crashing into the school wall.
"Oh come on!" Eddy whined. "I was wide open!"
As these antics ensued, Head Cheerleader Nazz was doing her best to earn her title. "Rah! Rah! We got spirit! Yes we do! We got spirit! How about you? Go Peach Creek Cobblers!" She ceased her jumping up and down when she noticed a disturbing lack of cheering from behind and turned to see her fellow cheerleaders Sarah and Jimmy playing cards.
"Got any sixes?" Sarah asked.
"Go fish!" Jimmy giggled.
"Ahem!" Nazz exclaimed. "Hello? Don't you guys see we're in the middle of football practice right now? Where's your school spirit?"
"Wake up and smell the coffee, Nazz!" Sarah replied. "Do you honestly think these idiots have any chance of winning this year? Do you?"
"Of course!" Nazz defended. "As the Head Cheerleader, I have firm faith in the te-
She stopped herself as she recognized the glare both Sarah and Jimmy were giving her. The glare of "Girl, stop lying to yourself."
And so she did. With a sigh, she replied. "No. No, I don't." She threw her pom-poms down and took a seat in front of the cards, ready to join the duo.
Kevin decided he had seen enough of this and blew his whistle. "Alright, you losers! Front and center!"
At once, the Peach Creek Cobblers tripped and pushed each other trying to form a line in front of Kevin. Every single one of them was bruised and battered, with Ed's face dripping with dirt, albeit dirt that was eaten voluntarily. Ed had skipped lunch that day you see but that's neither here nor there, not to mention disgusting. So there they were, the battered and bruised Peach Creek Cobblers standing in formation as Kevin paced back and forth.
"I'm sure I don't need to remind you losers of our big game last year, do I?" He asked. "Because I remember it well and I remember you guys getting your butts regularly handed to you!"
The Cobblers practically shrank underneath Kevin's words as they recalled against their will the horrors of last year's game. The crushing. The trampling. Eddy in particular was haunted by the following week he spent as the Lemon Brook Lumper's punching bag, he still couldn't so much as look at a lemon without crying. The only one who had fond memories of that day was Ed who happily recalled dancing around in a pie outfit.
"It was so bad, man! We didn't even score a single point!" Kevin looked as if he was going to explode and Eddy mentally hoped that he would. Instead, the football captain forced himself to take a deep breath and resumed his speech. "I will not have a repeat of last year, do you hear me!? This year! those Lemon Brook Losers are going down!"
He stood silently as he waited for the Cobblers to cheer in agreement. Instead, they simply stood there, shaking and rubbing their sore bruises. Kevin gritted his teeth in anger but again forced himself to calm down. "Riiight. Ok, listen up! I have a fool-proof plan to finally show those lemon suckers whose boss. A strategy so crazy it just might work."
"Right on!" Jonny called out happily, the first positive reaction Kevin had received so far. He took this as a good sign, smiled, and continued. "The way I see it, the only way to beat these guys is with brains, not brawn. So here's what I propose. We pick one guy, someone fast and lean to give the ball to and let them score the touchdowns. The rest of us will act as bodyguards, blocking the Lemon Brook Lumpers before they can stop him. If we repeat this enough, maybe, just maybe, we stand a shot of winning."
"Some master plan," Eddy muttered.
"While I agree it's not the most thoughtful of sports strategies, it does beat not possessing one to begin with, Eddy." Double D reminded him.
"Whatever," Eddy growled.
"Do you guys hear the bell ringing too?" Ed asked, prompting his two friends to look at him strangely. The school bell was completely silent.
"As for who'll have the honor of scoring the touchdowns, I choose..." Kevin's words fell to a mumble as he pointed his finger at his teammates and wagged it around. All eyes fell on the finger, Double D fighting the urge to hide behind Ed lest he be chosen, Eddy growing excited and jumping up and down while shouting "Pick me! Pick me!" and Ed simply becoming distracted by the finger and following its movements. Jonny did the same and Rolf's mind wandered to the candied beets he had waiting for him at home.
"I choose...Double D!"
Not a single mouth was able to keep from gasping, least of all Double D's. "M-Me?" He nervously laughed. "Oh surely you jest Kevin! Why would you pick me for this endeavor?"
"Yeah! Especially when I'm standing right here!" Eddy shouted.
"Can it, dork!" He shouted back before turning his attention to the bookworm. "You may be weak but you're lean. I'm willing to bet with enough prep time you can be the fastest man in this team." He walked up to them. "This is a plan that requires speed, not stubby legs!"
Both Eddy and Double D looked at their feet, Eddy growling as he was once again reminded of his short stature and Double D failing to see the logic in Kevin's decision. "Oh come now Kevin! My legs are hardly longer than Eddy's! Why not Rolf? He has longer legs than both of us combined!"
"Hello!" Rolf beamed.
Kevin shook his head. "We need Rolf as a bodyguard for this plan to work, same with Lumpy over there!" Kevin pointed to Ed who was now scooting his butt along the grass like a dog, laughing to himself all the while. Double D covered his face with his palm, embarrassed by his friend's display. "Ed! How many times have I told you not to do that in public!"
Kevin suddenly grabbed Double D's neck without warning and pulled him in close. "I don't care how you do it but you better get some serious legwork done before the game because if we lose, you'll be the one tied to the back of the Lumpers bus this time!"
Just the mental image of such a fate was enough to get Double D shaking and sweating. "I-I-I-I understand, K-Kevin! I understand." Out of sheer fear, he melted out of the jock's grasp into a puddle on the ground, repeating his madness mantra. Then and only then did the bell ring, releasing everyone from this school-sanctioned hell.
Everyone except for Double D whose hell was just beginning. Kevin looked over the still-mumbling puddle. "Remember, it all rests on you sockhead! Good luck!" Kevin stomped off while Eddy and Ed approached their melted friend. Eddy dug through Ed's coat pockets, causing him to laugh, and took out a handheld vacuum which he then used to suck up Double D. "Can you believe that shovel-chined jerk!" Eddy complained once Double D was safely inside the vacuum. "How could he pick you over me!?"
"Just lucky I guess!" Ed giggled as Eddy growled.
"While I share your disappointment in this outcome, Eddy," Double D spoke muffled within the vacuum. "I believe there are more pressing matters afoot such as how I am to survive this ordeal. Hmm..." Double D racked his brain for a plan, anything that would save him from this deathly fate. And then it hit him, it hit him so hard that he couldn't help but shout "Eureka! I got it!"
"Gesundheit," Ed said
"I know the perfect solution to this dilemma but first, we'll need to head over to my lab! Gentlemen, lead the way."
"Oh boy! Oh boy!" Ed ripped the vacuum out of Eddy's hands and ran off with it, giggling all the while. Left alone to his own devices, Eddy took one last look at his feet, growled, and stomped after his friends. "I'm not short!" He muttered.
The Eds made a beeline for Double D's garage. Once they arrived, Ed pulled the vacuum apart and allowed Double D, now fully formed once again, to fall out. He got to his feet, rushed over to a nearby table covered in a gray tarp, and pulled it off, revealing a whole mess of metal and rubber parts and papers with complex designs on them. Sitting in the middle of the table were the arm enhancers Double D had been testing for the past few weeks.
"Cool! Robot organs!" Ed shouted as his eyes landed on the table.
"Not quite Ed," Double D corrected as he pulled out a chair to the table and grabbed a screwdriver. "This here is an assortment of parts I've gathered from various defunct household appliances with the intention of giving them new life as body enhancements! Oh! Almost forgot!" Double D put down the screwdriver and equipped himself with the arm enhancers. They squeezed onto his arms like a compressor and Double picked up the screwdriver again, tossed it in the air, and watched with his friends as the tool flipped a few times before landing back in Double D's hand. Needless to say, they were both astonished.
"Cool! Double D is a cyborg!" Ed jumped down on his hands and knees and started pleading with Double D. "Please Double D! Make me a cyborg too! Please!?"
"This is awesome!" Eddy beamed. "Just think of all the money we could make selling those enhancers! Every kid on the street's gonna want one!"
"While I agree my enhancers do have several applications for everyday life," Double D continued as he went to work. "They're still in the prototype phase. Plus, they're only the tip of the iceberg! As we speak I'm working on the first pair of complementary leg enhancers that, if my calculations are correct, will allow me to score the necessary touchdowns at the game next Friday and save me from being absconded with by those Lemon Brook brutes!" Double D was already screwing one piece of metal into another as a foundation for the new legs.
"We'll be practically swimming in jawbreakers!" Eddy said longily, too caught up in his own fantasy to heed Double D's words. "This calls for a celebration!" Once again, Eddy reached into Ed's pocket and took out a six-pack of soda. The fact that said six-pack had been on Ed's person all day and was still shaken from the constant motion of his running never entered Eddy's mind as he ripped a can away from the plastic rings and cracked it open. He screamed as a fountain of cola gushed forth from the can.
"Eddy! What's-" Before he could even turn around, Double D was suddenly drenched in sugary liquid as was his enhancers. He gasped hoarsely, his entire body shaking from both disgust and anger. "E-E-Eddy!" The table started trembling and as Double D looked down, he saw that it was due to his enhancers vibrating violently. They squeezed tightly around his arms, causing him to cry out in pain. "Oh dear! Eddy, the sodium hydrogen carbonate you spilled all over me is causing my arm enhancers to malfunction! Help me!"
"Yeah yeah, drama queen," Eddy muttered as he put the soda down and went to attend Double D's right arm with Ed on the left. The two grabbed their friend's arms and tried to pull the enhancers off, only to be suddenly grabbed by the necks, trashed violently up and down, and thrown across the room from either direction, Ed flying out of the garage.
"Oh no!" He cried as he peeled his face off of the driveway. "It is happening! The robot rebellion has begun!"
"Ed, shut up!" Eddy moaned as he rubbed his head.
"Someone help me!" Double D pleaded as his possessed limbs went crazy on the table, creating a mechanism with no rhyme or purpose out of the parts meant for his future leg enhancers. "I've lost control! He cried as his arms went faster and faster, taking apart the mechanism and rebuilding it into something equally useless. This process repeated itself about three or four times before finally, the arms cracked up and froze as if being electrocuted, sparks flying out of the enhancers. All poor Double D could do was look on in muted concern and whisper. "Oh my. This is going to be rather unpleasant."
The resulting explosion could be seen from space.
As the dust settled, the roof of the garage fell back haphazardly to its original place. Double D waited several seconds before opening his eyes, wanting to know if he was in fact still alive. He found himself embedded in the wall of his garage, his enhancers now useless blackened metal stuck on his still outstretched arms. They broke apart and he peeled off the wall, hitting the floor with a muffled cry. He considered just spending the rest of the day on the floor like that as he could already tell what he would find. Nonetheless, he forced himself to his feet and faced the reality of his situation.
The reality being that his lab was trashed.
Almost everything that hadn't been outright destroyed in the blast was smashed against the wall like he was. Only a smoldering pile of ash remained of the table where he was making his leg enhancers, only a few burnt and bent pieces of metal remaining of the material he was using to make them. By now, both Eddy and Ed were also getting up, their clothes and faces singed just like Double D but their arms completely unharmed. "Wow, that was the biggest explosion we've created yet! Eddy mused.
"Gesundheit," Ed said.
Double D didn't speak. He couldn't. His entire being was engulfed in rage. So much so that he was shaking, his teeth grinding against each other. "Eddy...Ed..."
Both of his friends were quick to take notice of his rapidly deteriorating demeanor and while Ed grew fearful, Eddy just chuckled. "Don't worry, Sockhead. We'll get this place cleaned up in a-"
"Out!" Double D sharply pointed to the opening in the garage, the door long lost in the explosion. "Now!"
It was quite rare for Double D to become so enraged, especially to this point and as simple-minded as they might be, both Ed and Eddy knew better than to try and reason with him like this. With no other choice, and with Ed starting to tear up, the two nervously vacated the premises and went home.
Once he was sure he was alone, Double D slowly walked up to the pile of ash, got on his knees, and buried his face in his blackened hands. "Oh Woe is me! Woe is me! I'm doomed!"
He was so caught up in crying that he failed to notice a familiar face peek through the garage opening. Marie was on her way home after escaping detention when she saw the explosion. Naturally, she came right over. "Hey Double D! You alrigh- Whoa!" She walked inside, examining the damage with earnest eyes. "This place is a mess! Absolute destruction! I gotta say, I'm impressed." It was then that the Kanker noticed Double D was crying and immediately felt guilty, a feeling she had yet to get used to. "Double D, are you o-"
Before she could continue her sentence, she felt the all-too familiar sensation of flower petals filling her chest. "Dammit," She managed to curse as she turned around and coughed them out. It was her hoarse coughing that finally alerted Double D to Marie's presence, forcing him to wipe his tears away. "M-Marie?"
The blue-haired Kanker held out her hand to silence Double D as she hacked up the last of the petals. They were much smaller than last time and of greater number. They were also of different colors, light shades of blue, violet, pink, and yellow littering the charred floor of Double D's garage. Setting the panic of his impending doom for the side, Double reached into his hat to pull out a small jar and tongs which he used to collect some of the petals. Once they were safely in the jar, he studied them closely. "Why Marie, you seemed to have coughed up a multitude of Hyacinth petals!"
"Cool," Marie moaned sarcastically as she wiped the last of the bloody petals from her mouth. She could still feel more in her chest but ignored that feeling for the time being as her curiosity over just what the hell happened to Double D's garage overrode all else. "So, are you can tell me what the heck happened here or do I have to play detective?"
Double D's brightened mood soured upon being reminded of the destruction of his lab and of his only chance to survive the big game. "Very funny," He sighed as he placed the now-filled jar back within the confines of his hat. "I'm sure you recall those arm enhancers I showed you during the week I tutored you for the test in Miss Alberdeen's class right?"
"Well duh!" Marie replied. "That was only a week ago!"
"Well the big game, that is to say the completely unnecessary rematch between the Peach Creek Cobblers and the Lemon Brook Lumpers, is this Friday and for some unfathomable reason I can only assume is poor writing, Kevin has decided to make me the proverbial cornerstone in his strategy to win! Can you believe that?"
Marie had already resigned herself to simply letting Double D's words bounce off of her but couldn't help but be pulled into his conversation by that revelation. "Maybe that lug head took too many blows to the helmet."
"Regardless, to give myself a fighting chance at avoiding either Kevin or the Lumper's wrath, I had set to work constructing a set of leg enhancers to match the ones I made for my arms."
"Oh really?" Marie looked around. "Where are they?"
Double D pointed to the pile of charred metal and ash sitting next to him. "That pile of debris is all that remains of my enhancers I'm afraid."
"What happened?"
"Eddy and Ed happened." Double D sniffled as he turned to the pile and teared up. "There's no way I can order the new parts in time! I'm doomed! Doomed like a wild field mouse caught in the clutches of a ravenous bird of prey! Oh woe is me!" He broke down and resumed his sobbing as Marie looked on awkwardly.
"The guy sure ain't afraid to show his feelings, that's for sure." Marie thought. "It's kinda sweet."
The petals tripled in her lungs.
"Crap!" Marie bent forward to expel another round of Hyacinth petals from her body. As much as she hated to admit it to herself, she had gotten used to the pain and blood that came with these coughing fits and so was of clear mind to think as she coughed. "Gee, sockhead's pretty beaten up about this. Not that I blame him. That Kevin putting him on the spot like that. What an ass! I oughta do something to that shovel chin on Friday, teach him a lesson about messing with my man!" The petals seemed to increase upon that way of thinking. "Crap!" Once she had finished her coughing, Marie once again wiped her mouth clean and looked back at the crying Double D. "Still, I guess that wouldn't quite solve the problem with Double D, and let's face it, if anyone's gonna tie his stupid cute butt to the back of a bus, it's going to be me! But what can I do?" It was then that Marie thought back to last week when it had been here in need. It was still so fresh in her mind, her sitting on that desk in Double D's attack as he went over the battle of Waterloo, reading it to her like a children's storybook, the small snack breaks in between and the last-minute pep talk he gave her before she went on to pass that stupid test. At that moment, Marie realized she was blushing and quickly zipped around, hoping Double D wouldn't notice. Luckily, or perhaps unluckily, he was still caught up in his own self-pity.
"Hmmm...Maybe there is a way I can help, Double D. Not that he'll like it" Marie took a couple of breaths in an effort to cool her heating face. Once she figured she didn't look like a tomato anymore, she walked up to Double D and gently patted his back. "Hey now. Cut it out with the waterworks will ya?"
Double D glared at Marie for a moment through his tears. But upon realizing that she was genuinely trying to help, he sniffled as he wiped his eyes dry. "I-I'm sorry, Marie. It would seem in my despair that I surrendered to the whims of my emotional turmoil. Hehe. How embarrassing."
"Look, Double D." Marie began. "I don't know exactly what's going on here but I'm going to assume you needed those enhancers to get stronger for the game right?"
"That is correct," Double D confirmed.
Marie clapped her hands. "Well then that settles it! All we have to do is get you into shape the old-fashioned way!"
Double D frowned. "The old-fashioned way." His eyes grew wide with terror. "Oh dear! Y-You don't mean..."
"Oh I do!" Marie chimed. "Starting today, I'm gonna be your personal trainer! We'll whip you into shape before the big game!"
Sweating bullets, Double D slowly crawled backward, chuckling nervously. "W-W-Well Marie, as thoughtful as your offer is, not to mention tempting, I-I'm afraid I must decline! Your efforts would simply be wasted on someone like me! You understand, don't you?"
"Not so fast muffin!" Marie said as she grabbed Double D's leg and held him up until their eyes met. By now, Double D was beginning to whimper once again.
"Oh mercy Marie! Please have mercy! My physique is simply too delicate to handle the exertion of daily exercise! Why, the only reason I'm even on this accursed football team is because the school staff needed one more member and I was the kid with the highest test scores! Oh curse my intellect and fragile constitution!"
Marie sighed. "Knock it off, will ya!" Marie flicked Double D in the head, causing him to wobble left and right like an upside-down paddleball while silencing him at the same time. "Now listen, I know exercise isn't your strong suit but taking tests wasn't exactly mine either. But you refused to give up on me!"
"Technically speaking I did give up once after you had stood me up on one of our sessions." Double D corrected.
"Hey! Do you mind? I'm trying to be inspirational here!"
"Sorry!"
"The point is, I succeeded only because you were there for me," Marie took a second to cringe over the fact that such things were in fact leaving her mouth and then continued, "And I guess now it's my turn to return the favor. And I won't kid you, it'll suck. It'll hurt a lot too. But I promise before the week is out, you'll be more than fit enough to take on those stupid lemon suckers! So what do you say?"
Double D placed his finger on his chin. "How ironic. My previous attempt to add muscle mass to my physique ended because of the Kanker's interference and now, Marie is offering to help me acquire strength so that I can survive next Friday." He stared into Marie's single exposed eye. "And from the look on her face, I can tell she's completely serious. But can it be done? Can I, Double D, really improve my physical constitution within only a week's time? Marie probably didn't think she would be able to ever pass that test and yet, with my help, she accomplished just that." He smiled. "Perhaps fate has lent me a helping hand as well."
"A-Alright Marie," Double D said. "I accept your offer."
"Great!' Marie threw Double D up in the air and watched as he spun around and landed on his feet. "Meet me near the construction site at 7 in the morning sharp. Training will take place within the alleyway. I should have everything set up by then!"
"7 am?" Double D asked. "That early?"
"It's never too early to get fit, Double D and by the time the big game shows up, we'll have you fit as a fiddle!" She slapped Double D on the back playfully, an action that knocked the poor guy down to the floor with a thud. "Whoops!" Marie placed both hands on her hips. "Wow, you really do need this training." She blew him a kiss and ran off while calling out, "See you tomorrow, muffin!"
"Right," Double D said in a muffled voice. "See you."
As Marie ran off, she felt the urge to cough again. She waited until she was out of the line of Double D's sight and coughed out another cloud of Hyacinth petals. "Damn, maybe I'm not so fit myself!" She thought as she wiped the blood and petals from her mouth. "But it doesn't matter. Mama's got a training course to build and only one night to do it." She cracked her fingers as she headed inside the alleyway. "I better get started."
It was Saturday morning and despite every instinct in his body screaming at him to turn around, Double D marched toward the construction site and arrived right as the clock reached 7. It was deathly quiet, not even the daily workers who toiled here had arrived yet. A giant excavator sat asleep in the middle of the lot, surrounded by diggers, cement trucks, and a few cranes. Double D found himself wandering into the skeleton of a soon-to-be new house and surveyed the area for any sign of his new trainer. At first, he couldn't see her and began to wonder, (and secretly hoped) that she had either changed her mind or had forgotten about the idea completely. No sooner than this thought had entered his brain that he noticed a tuft of blue hair peeking out through the alleyway entrance. Marie, dressed in a dark gray sweatshirt, pants, and beanie, walked out, searching for Double D.
"It would seem my trials and tribulations will come to pass after all," Double D said with a gulp. "Nonetheless, I've made it this far already. I must see it through!" He called out to her. "Marie!"
The blue-haired Kanker spotted him at once and waved him over. He dusted himself off as the air of the construction site was rather dusty and followed into the bowels of the alleyway. "Good morning, Marie. I see you've decided to take the Hollywood approach in terms of training apparel."
"Huh?" It took Marie a hot second to remember that apparel meant clothing and looked down at herself. "Oh yeah. Well, what can I say? My old man left these lying around and it just seemed fitting." She grabbed Double D's arm and rushed forward with him in tow. "Come on, I'll show you the course! You're gonna love it!"
"Oh I'm sure I will," Double D said in an uneasy voice. He couldn't but gulp once again as he wondered just what sort of torture awaited him. Soon enough, he would get his answer as Marie led him to a wide space nestled within the bowels of the alleyway. His eyes at once spotted the beginning of the obstacle course that Marie had set up. It started with some tires laid into a trail, no doubt having been commandeered from the junkyard. Beyond them were three hurdles, one of which was held together in the middle by a generous helping of duct tape. Beyond that was a jungle gym resting over a mud puddle with the hose that created it still lying on the edge. It took Double D no time at all to realize how familiar the jungle gym seemed to him.
"Um, Marie?" He asked. "Please tell me you didn't steal that jungle gym from the local playground."
"I didn't steal the jungle gym from the local playground," Marie said in an unconvincing voice. "Anyway, you're missing the best part!" She grabbed his face and pointed it toward the pole behind the gym. It was a flag pole with a rope attached to it for climbing and at the top of it, a bell. The contraption reminded Double D of the daunting rope climb he was made to do in gym class which only served to make his heart sink.
"Isn't it awesome!?" Marie beamed. "Every day, after our training session is finished, you'll cap it off with a run through that obstacle course! If you can manage to get through it and ring the bell, we'll know you've gained enough strength to beat those Lemon Brook Losers!"
"Oh joy," Double D murmured in an unconvinced voice. His instinct was screaming at him to get out of Dodge, get out, and never look back but with a heavy sigh, he forced himself to remain. "Marie's going out of her way to repay the kindness I showed her in her own way. I must take it for her sake as well as mine." Double D thought. "Besides, if I do end up perishing in the process, at least I won't have to play the game on Friday." He thought darkly. "Oh dear! Morbid humor. That's a bad sign!"
Before Double D could muse over how far he had fallen, Marie suddenly blew a whistle right in her ear, scaring the ever-loving daylights out of him. "Alright, maggot! Now drop and give me 20!"
"20 what?" Double D asked.
Marie opened her mouth to answer, only to realize she didn't know. "Um...I dunno...push-ups?"
"V-Very well." Double D allowed himself to fall to the ground and gripped the dirt. With all his might, he pushed himself away from the ground, only to fall right back with a thud.
"One! That's good! Keep going!" Marie continuously blew her whistle while Double D managed a couple more of the dreaded push-ups. As he reached for his fifth attempt, however, he ended up falling back halfway through, sweating and panting. "My lungs are burning!"
"Come on, maggot! You got more push-ups to do!" Marie blasted her whistle right into Double D's face, which only served to make the boy groan before he planted his face in the dirt. Upon realizing that he really was at his limit and suffering second-hand embarrassment from the fact that it was a measly four and a half, Marie popped the whistle out of her mouth and sighed. "I guess we can take a short break."
"Oh thank you, Marie! Thank you!" Double D practically wept.
"Man, this is gonna be harder than I thought."
And harder it was. Every session seemed to end up this way. Marie would have Double D perform a new warm-up exercise and he would only get as far as four or five attempts before it became too much for him and they took another break. The breaks served both of them actually as Double D got to rest and Marie was able to get rid of any petals she still had in her chest discreetly. Eventually, she ran out of new warm-up ideas and had him do push-ups again which at least this time, he was able to do five. Very slight progress but progress nonetheless.
Finally, as the Sun was getting ready to set, Marie felt it was time for Double D's true test to begin. "Alright maggot, are you ready for your first run on the obstacle course?" She asked with as gruff a voice as she could muster.
"As ready as one can be, I suppose" He gulped.
"Alright! Let me just start the timer," Marie reached into her pocket and pulled out a stopwatch. "and...GO!'
At the sound of her whistle, Double D raced to begin the obstacle course...only to trip on the first tire's edge.
"Oh!" Marie cringed at how painful the accident looked.
"I'm ok!" Double D insisted and he popped his head out of the hole it fell in and stood up. He carefully navigated the tires, his movements uneven and shakey. He ended up stepping on the rim of the final tire and hit his foot against the inside, causing him to fall backward into yet another hole. He tried to get up, only to realize with horror abound that he could not do so. "Oh dear! I'm stuck! Help! Help!" Double D cried as he waved his arms and legs uselessly in the air.
Marie rolled her eyes and stopped the watch 16 seconds in. "I think that's enough for today." She walked to the tire currently holding Double D hostage, grabbed it, and squeezed the living hell out of it, popping the skinny boy out like a pea. He landed in her arms, shaking and groaning. "I feel violated!"
"Get a grip soldier!" Marie placed him on his feet and slapped him in the face. Although this action left him in a daze, gently spinning around on uneven feet, it did seem to snap him out of his funk. "T-Thank you, Marie."
"Okay, so we're off to a slow start but hey, it's still a start!" Marie said. "So go home, get some rest and we'll try again first thing tomorrow morning!"
Double D had to fight the urge to vomit upon hearing those words. "Oh joy," He groaned
The next day brought the same pain as the day before. Double D felt as if his lungs were going to explode upon the fifth sit-up. He gritted his teeth as he fought through the pain, every cell in his body screaming "IF YOU KEEP THIS UP, YOU WILL DIE YOU NIMCOMPOOP!" When at last, he heard Marie count the nearly-lethal sit-up as a full attempt, he collapsed back to the ground with a wheeze. Marie saw that he would not be getting back up anytime soon and with a sigh, stopped her watch as she jogged down the pitiful score on a notepad. "Man, this is harder than I thought. This guy's weaker than a leaf!" She looked back at the gasping, sweating boy lying before her. "Kinda cute when he struggles like that, though. Wait, shit!" Marie covered her mouth as she felt her chest fill with petals once again. She turned away from Double D, grabbed a pail meant for his spit takes, (which he hadn't used yet), and coughed them up. As she dislodged the last of those annoying little petals, she noticed the sound of footsteps approaching and looked up to see her sisters as well as the other two Eds.
And all of them were dressed in cowboy gear.
"Um...hey guys," Marie asked awkwardly. "What...What's going on here?"
"Funny. We was gonna ask you the same question," Lee said. "What are you two lovebirds doing?
"Hey, I asked you first!" Marie shouted.
"And I asked you second!" Lee barked.
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Hey hey hey, break it up you two!" Eddy came between the arguing sisters, pointing a turkey baster or, as they were known in the Cul-De-Sac, Canadian Squirt Gun full of pungent perfume at each of them. Marie recognized the smell very well as it was her and her sister's own creation. Once Eddy saw that he had regained control of the situation, he smiled as he placed the turkey basters back in the tube socks he was using as holsters. "To answer your question, Flower Girl, Me and Ed have decided to use our newfound power to rope you girls into helping us with our latest scam!"
Marie shuddered in anger at the nickname Eddy gave her but remember what he was talking about, all she chose to respond with was. "By power, you mean the blackmail right?" Then she took another look at their costumes. "Besides, didn't you guys already do this scam before?"
"You know what they say," Eddy said as he took out one of the Canadian squirt guns and spun it around in his hand. "A true classic never goes out of style."
"Yeah, plus these dweebs figured that with our special formula working for them now, they might actually have a shot of making some dough this time." Lee and May giggled while Eddy, dropping the Canadian squirt gun, growled in annoyance.
Marie couldn't help but snicker as well. She was glad to see that even when in debt, Lee was still her spicy self.
Ed also joined in on the laughter., which really got Eddy's blood boiling. "Why you!" Eddy blasted Ed with his other Canadian squirt gun, sending the poor lug slamming into a tree and sliding down the bark, soaked in pink perfume. "I smell fresh-cut spring flowers strewn across a babbling brook with a hint of-" He bleched a few pink bubbles. "Lemon."
"Big Ed!" May rushed to Ed's side as Eddy burst into laughter. "Oh, man! That was good!" He said as he wiped a tear from his eye and turned back to Marie. "So as you can see, we're planning on bringing Canadian Squirt Guns back on the market and we want you and Double D to join us! What do you say?"
"Sorry, short stuff." Marie waved her hands. "But we're busy with Double D's training."
"Training? For what? The brainiac Olympics?"
"Actually Eddy," Double D said as he stood up, having recovered enough to join in on the conversation. "Marie's been helping me build up my physical prowess so that I may play my role in Kevin's rather cockamamie scheme against the Lemon Brook Lumpers on Friday."
Lee rubbed her chin thoughtfully as she looked over the course her sister had built. "Not bad, Marie. Not bad. Just one thing missing." Lee dug into her pocket and pulled out a lighter which she used to set all three of the hurdles ablaze. "There! Now it's perfect!"
Eddy, Double D, and Marie stared in awe at the nearly-born flames. "Wow! Why didn't I think of that?" She whispered.
"You're kidding, right?" Double D whined.
"Yeah," Eddy asked in a similar tone. "What the heck are you doing with a lighter? Isn't this supposed to be a kid's show!?"
"Details, details," Lee said as she slipped the lighter back into her pocket and walked back to Eddy's side. "Don't you think it's time we ride off into the sunset and leave these two lovebirds to their training?"
Double D blushed as Lee made this comment as did Marie who, feeling more petals form in her chest, stuck out her tongue.
"Heh! Come on shortstuff!"
"Hey! I'm the leader here!" Eddy growled as he turned to Double D and Marie. "You better not break him or else your little condition goes viral!"
"Promises, promises." Marie retorted.
"Please don't say that!" Double D begged. All this talking in his exhausted state left a tingling in his throat. I tingling he was all too familiar with. "Oh dear!"
Eddy made one final gesture to indicate he was keeping an eye on Marie before walking up to Ed, who was currently being hugged by May, grabbing the big lug by the collar of his coat and dragging him off with May in tow.
"Wow, someone's been working out." Lee teased as she followed her man.
"Shut up," Eddy murmured.
Marie watched as the cowboy wannabes vanished behind the walls of the alleyway and sighed. "Okay. Now where wer-
The sound of awful retching stopped Marie in her tracks. Turning around, she saw Double D with his face in the bucket. He retched once more and uttered a huge gasp as he popped his head out. "I can't take much more of this! My body wasn't formed for such strenuous physical exertion!"
"Quit being overdramtic!" Marie demanded as she grabbed the bucket and tossed it away. "We're only on day two, you know! So let's pick up the pace! Drop and give me 20 push-ups!" She blew her whistle.
"Oh dear. I'm really beginning to fear I will perish in these accursed attempts at amassing strength." He sighed as he laid flat on his back, put his arms behind his head and groaned with the first push-up.
That night, Double D was able to clear the tires without fail but accidentally caught fire on the hurdles which, for some odd reason, did not burn to ash.
The next two days were grueling for Double D as he made the trip to the alleyway after school. He had managed to get within the 6's and 7's of his push-ups and sit-ups now but required heavy breaks. Marie was starting to get worried that they may not make enough progress in time but made it a point to hide those feelings from Double D, lest he really decide to give up after all. She also still struggled with her strange condition, constantly coughing out petals over the alley wall while Double D recovered.
On Tuesday, she "borrowed" a few items from the school gymnasium, including a few weights and a treadmill. The poor boy could hardly hold on to a single dumbbell before the weight of it sent him falling to his side. He did somewhat better on the treadmill but as with Eddy before her, Marie just couldn't resist turning up the setting, resulting in Double D losing control and being sent flying in the air.
As for the course, well He had finally made it to the monkey bars. But the previous two obstacles proved to be much more taxing on the poor boy than Marie could have expected and he fell halfway through the mud every single time.
On Wednesday, Double D didn't show up at all.
Marie didn't worry at first as she figured he was probably running late. An hour later, when he still failed to show, she figured that perhaps, with how exhausted he seemed to be the night before, he had run home to get in a quick power nap or something of that nature. With this in mind, Marie headed to Double D's house and searched everywhere but could not find any trace of the sock head. She groaned with unease as she realized Double D was nowhere to be found and, without even the slightest clue as to where he could be, resorted to calling out his name in the alleyway. "Double D? Where are you? Double D?"
She must have spent two hours looking for him and was just about ready to give up when she heard a rustling behind her. She turned around a noticed a big oak tree towering over her. Her brief excitement faded as she decided that it was most likely a bird or squirrel that had made that noise and was about to turn around when it happened again. This time, a single foot clad in a red show poked out and Marie quickly realized who it belonged to. "Double D!?"
"Oh dear! Curse my fatigue!" Double D whimpered as he pulled his foot up into the foliage. Marie ran under the tree and spotted her man curled up against the trunk, still wearing his school jacket and his bag still slung over his shoulder.
"Double D! There you are!" Marie could not resist putting her hands on her hips. "Where have you been mister? We only have two more days for you to get into shape!"
Double D locked eyes with Marie for about a second before turning away again, his eyes filled with shame. "I-I can't."
"Huh?" Marie looked at Double D quizzically. "What do you mean you can't?"
"Oh, who are we kidding, Marie?" Double D suddenly shouted. "There's simply no way I can become fit enough to play my part in Kevin's strategy in time! I can barely do 10 push-ups!"
"Oh come on Double D!" Marie argued. "This is no time to chicken out! You're so close! You can't just give up now!"
"I can hardly lift up a dumbbell!" Double D retorted. "I'm sorry Marie but this is a doomed endeavor and I shall play no part in it any longer."
"B-But what about the Lumpers? What about Kevin? How are you gonna deal with that?"
"You're looking at my solution as we speak." Double D nestled himself against the tree. "I thank you for your help, Marie. I really do but alas it is all for not."
"Why you," Marie felt angry, betrayed even. To think she really went through the whole week trying to get this poor sap in shape, only for him to change his mind at the last second. She had half a mind to climb up that tree and drag his sorry ass back down herself. She even placed a hand on the bark. Before she could get climbing, however, she was reminded of the time she blew off Double D to torment Jimmy and Sarah with her sisters and the guilt she felt when she met Double D afterward. "It's just like that time, that jerk." Marie thought to herself, only to sigh as she realized that wasn't exactly the case. She ditched him for her own violation, he didn't not to waste his or her time on what he thought was a pointless effort. Marie gritted her teeth in anger as she felt another petal-filled cough coming on. "Dammit! Since when did I get so self-reflective?" Marie turned around and hacked up the petals in three separate coughs. Once she felt the last of the petals leave her body, she wiped her mouth and turned back to Double D, her fury increased.
"Now listen here, you walking stick insect!" She shouted. "I get it. Our progress has been slow and it might not seem to be working but that's how it was when you tutored me for the test, remember!? It wasn't until I ditched you that I realized, that we realized just how much of that stupid history lesson I absorbed. You did help me! You helped me without me even knowing it and I know if we just keep pushing through, I can help you too!"
Double D listened as Marie spoke her piece and in a cheesy romance movie, this would have been the part where he felt inspired to continue his training upon realizing she really believed in him. But sometimes, real life is more interesting than any movie and so Double D stuck to his opinion, only growing more and more annoyed that Marie wanted him to continue this useless and painful endeavor. As she finished, he pulled himself away from the tree and stood up. He slipped and almost fell out but, without really thinking about it, grabbed the branch he was standing on and spun around it a few times before landing in front of an utterly shocked Marie. He landed on his feet and a single hand and dusted himself off as he stood up. "Please try to understand, Marie! I know you mean well, and bizarre as that sounds speaking of you, but nonetheless, you must see reason! It's almost Friday and we've hardly made any progress! This is a futile effort!"
"Double D,"
"It's hopeless! My body simply can't handle the strain of even basic exercise, let alone outrun those marauding Lumpers."
"Double D,"
"Why are we kidding ourselves? We should just cut out losses and hide out somewhere until it-
"DOUBLE D!" Marie barked, finally silencing the boy.
"Y-Yes Marie?"
"Do you realize what you just did?"
"Um...tried your patience?" He asked with a hint of fear in his voice.
"What!? No, you idiot! The tree! The way you just got down from the tree!"
"Oh!" Double D looked back up at the tree where just moments ago, he was stewing over his own defeat. It was only now that it occurred to him how easily he had gotten down, especially considering the intense amount of effort that it had taken for him to get up there in the first place. Placing his hand against his chest, he realized his heart was racing but he didn't seem out of breath. With a quiet gasp, he realized just how little the effort before had bothered him, to the point where he hardly even noticed it. "By George, Did I really descend from that mighty oak with...with ease?"
"You did, Double D!" Marie suddenly scooped the brainiac into a giant hug, nearly crushing him. "You see, the training is paying off! He just hadn't noticed till now!"
"I...suppose...you're right...Marie!" Double D choked out through gasp and gasp. Finally realizing what she was doing. Marie let go of him. "Oops! Sorry!"
Double D landed on his feet again but this time needed a few moments to catch his breath. "I-I..I'm fine! Really." Once he had caught it, he practically bounced back up. "Still, this quite the empowering development. To think all those hours of excruciating pain and suffering would finally pay off!"
"And it's only gonna pay off more," Marie held out her hand. "That is, if you're going to see this through to the end."
Double D stared at Marie's hand and contemplated. He knew there wouldn't be enough time to build up his strength by much further and certainly not enough to stand a decent chance against the Lumpers. But as he looked into Marie's exposed eye and saw the genuine hope within it, something he had never seen in the Kanker's face before, he found himself filled with hope as well. "Very well," Double D took Marie's hand. "Let's finish this!"
The rest of that evening as well as the following day after school were spent at that course. Double D still struggled with the basic exercises, of course. After all, he was only human. However, the fact that he had made progress in the first place, that he was able to practically jump down from that tree without a scratch, gave him all the incentive he needed to press forward, even as his very bones rattled with pain. He still wasn't able to make it to 20 but 15 wasn't such a far number from the target goal. Marie and Double D both agreed to count it as a victory.
Then came the obstacle course, a labor the newly heartened Double D decided he would see through to the end. He stepped in front of the tires and waited as Marie readied the stopwatch.
"You sure you wanna do this, Double D?" She asked. "I think you've proven your stuff already."
"No one likes a quitter, Marie!" Double D retorted proudly as he faced the course. "Let's do this!"
Marie couldn't help but smile at his newfound confidence. She felt petals form in her throat but still managed to shout "Ready, set, go!" as she started the watch.
Double D cleared the tires in no time, each step making its mark within the center of the rubber circles without fail. He somewhat hesitated once he confronted the hurdles, which, somehow, were still on fire. Nonetheless, he crouched down and jumped over the flaming planks, one after the other. Next was the jungle gym which he climbed onto at once. He let himself hang over the mud puddle, somehow dreading falling it and getting his already sweat-stained clothes even dirtier than the flames he had just escaped from. With a gulp, he began moving along the jungle gym, grabbing one bar at a time. As he was halfway through, however, the sweat on his right palm caused his grip to slip and he dangled over the mud with a surprised cry.
"Double D!"
"Curse the human body's need for perspiration when indulging in strenuous activities!" Double D moaned as he wiped the sweat off his shirt and grabbed the bar before him. He wiped his other hand before grabbing the next bar and was able to make it past the rest of the jungle gym without any more trouble. Once he had reached the end, he jumped off, rushed toward the pole, and, using the rope, scurried on up. By now, he was exhausted from the rest of the course and he could feel the sweat returning to his palms as he slid down a few times, much to his annoyance. Regardless, he continued to push forward, fighting against fatigue and sweat to reach that bell. After what seemed like an eternity, he found the bell was within reach and wearily reached for it. The sweat from his hands kept him from getting a firm grip on it. Knowing it was now or never, he took a deep breath and leaped at the bell, gripping it with both hands as tightly as he could. The bell rang as Double D's weight pulled the string downward. "I..I did it! I did it, Marie! I, Eddward, have-AHHHHH!"
By this time, the sweat on Double D's hands completely coated the rope, causing it to slip through his grasp and for him to fall to the ground.
"Double D!" Marie shouted as she rushed to the scene, her hands outstretched. "I got ya! I got ya! I got-
Double D slammed into the ground next to Marie, her eyes still fixed on the sky.
"-ya...Double D!" She turned and ripped her man from the ground. He was bruised, dirty, and had stars orbiting his head as if he were in a cartoon of some sort. Marie wiped those stars away as she shook the ruined boy. "Double D! Are you ok? Double D!"
"I...did it...I did..it..Marie." Double D whispered in a daze. "I did it...Marie..."
Marie couldn't hold back to petals anymore and turned to the side to cough them out. It was only one burst this time and there wasn't any blood on them either. Once she was finished, Marie turned back to Double D and squeezed him affectionately. "Congrats, muffin!"
And thus, it had arrived. It was Friday evening and within the confines of their locker room, Kevin was going through the battle plan one last time.
"Ok, so just to make it absolutely, perfectly, 100% crystal clear to anyone who doesn't have it shoved inside their thick skulls yet, here's the plan! Double Dweeb is to get the ball at every single turn so he can race to the touchdown. Everyone else is to make sure those Lemon Brook losers stay out of his way. Use everything you have to keep 'em at bay, even your lives!"
"A tad overdramatic, wouldn't you say Eddy?" Double D asked as he sat sandwiched between his two best friends, Eddy to his right and Ed to his left.
"Stupid Kevin, I should be getting the ball," Eddy muttered to himself, completely ignorant of what Double D had just asked him. Ed has also failed to hear Double D as he was currently too busy emptying a peanut butter jar of its oily contents.
"Oh brother," was all that Double D could think to say.
"Does anyone have any questions?" Kevin asked.
Jonny, Rolf, and Ed all raised their hands but before Kevin could pick one of them to answer, the horn blared from the football field just outside, indicating that the game was ready to start.
"Can it!" Kevin shouted as he grabbed his football helmet and slammed it over his head. "Let's go!"
"Right on!" Jonny shouted as he grabbed Plank and held the hunk of wood over his head. Rolf, Ed, and a still-fuming Eddy followed with Double D, taking a deep breath to relax himself getting up from the bench last. "Alright, Eddward. Just remember your training and this will be easy." He tried to step forward...only for his footstep to tremble slightly. He could feel every inch of uncovered skin become peppered with sweat. "Just...remember your training." He repeated.
Within his chest, his heart thumped heavily. As much as he didn't want to admit it, Double D realized with resounding guilt that he was still deathly terrified of going along with the strategy. He was stronger yes but would that be enough? He did only train for a week after all. "Come on, Eddward!" He said to himself. "Get a grip on yourself, man!"
"Having a little pep talk before the game, huh?"
Double D nearly jumped out of his skin as he heard the female voice speak. Turning around, he saw Marie standing at the doorway, wearing her usual getup for the first time in nearly a week. "M-Marie!" Embarrassed that he had been caught talking to himself, Double D cleared his throat and tried to ignore the sensation of his cheeks burning. "W-What are you doing here? Don't you know you'll get in trouble if any of the teachers find you inside the boy's locker room?"
Marie responded to Double D's point with a raspberry. "Oh please!" She said as she approached Double D, "My sisters and I sneak in here all the time. Who do you think made that peephole in the wall?"
Gulping as he remembered that, Double D turned to the X-shaped duct tape seal which now covered the aforementioned hole. "I really should have figured you and your ilk had a hand in that." He gulped.
"Anyway," Marie continued as she stopped in front of Double D, her hands now resting behind her back. "I just thought I'd wish you luck. Not that you really need it but still,"
All thoughts of the peephole were forgotten as Double D relaxed. "Thank you, Marie."
"Oh! I almost forgot!" Marie reached into her pocket and pulled out a small bracelet with what Double D was able to identify at once as a rat's skull acting as a pendant. "I know you said you don't need any good luck charms. But since you gave me that bookmark, I thought maybe this could help you out." She pulled out his hand, opened the palm, and slapped the bracelet into it. "A Kanker-style rabbit's foot!"
Double D winced as he felt the tiny fangs of the deceased rodent prick his flesh as well as the realization that the dead animal was ON him. Nonetheless, he recognized Marie's effort and the simple fact that, despite her unusual condition or perhaps because of it, Marie was making a real effort to be a legitimate friend and so clasped the bracelet and held it against his chest. "Thank you, Marie."
"You're welcome, Muffin." The blue-haired Kanker scooped him up and planted a giant kiss on his cheek and for the first time, Double D didn't flinch. Marie felt the petals form in her throat and let him down. "Now go knock those lemon suckers down a peg!"
"Will do!" Double D slapped his helmet onto his head and rushed out into the field leaving Marie alone to expel the petals. "Crap! I hope no one saw that!" She said to herself as she looked around. Once she was confident that she was alone, Marie decided it was about high time she made her way to the stands. "I think I'll drop by the concession stand and get myself a hot dog."
As she entered the hallway and walked past the entrance to the girl's locker room, two pairs of hands suddenly grabbed her and dragged her into the darkness.
The tension in the air was so thick, that one could cut it with a knife. Both sides of the Peach Creek football field were filled to near capacity of shouting people, some declaring encouragement for their team and others screaming insults at the opposite team. Just as with last year, the Peach Creek Cobblers found themselves standing in the shadows of giants as the Lemon Brook Lumpers began their usual routine of twisting and then eating workout equipment in order to intimidate their rivals, and just like last year, it was working.
"That can't be good for their digestive tracts," Double D mused out loud.
"Yeah," Jonny shouted in agreement as he shoved his best friend into Double D's face. "Planks says if we're lucky, maybe they'll choke on the metal and croak before the game is over!"
"My," Double D couldn't help but back away. "How...morbid."
"You guys remember when I was a slice of pie?" Ed asked. While such comments or questions weren't out of the ordinary for the big lug to spew for no reason, it was clear this time that he was referring to last year when he had been chosen by Nazz to be the doomed team's mascot after watching him improvise a song and dance number during practice. "Ah! Good times."
"Oh I remember!" Eddy growled as the memories of that awful day returned to his head. "I remember you leaving me to those Lemon Brook monsters!" Eddy took off his helmet and slammed it against Ed's uncovered head, burying it within the confines of his neck. "Stupid football," Eddy muttered as he put the now-cracked helmet back on and took his place in line leaving Rolf and Jonny to try and bring Ed's head back themselves. The son of a shepherd poked the top of the poor boy's scalp and nearly jumped as Ed's head popped back out. "Who's there?" He asked without a care in the world.
"Alright, everyone! Assume the position!" Kevin shouted as he pointed to Ed. "Lumpy, get in front now!"
"Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy!" Ed shouted with excitement as he went to take his place in front of Kevin. "Happy day! Happy day!"
"Now remember, numbskull." Kevin said. "All you have to do is pass the ball to me and keep those Lumpers off my and Double D's back, got it?"
"Aye-aye Captain Kevin!" Ed said as he scooted in front of Kevin and assumed the typical position. By now, the Lemon Lumpers were getting themselves in place as well. In the middle of it all, the referee was standing still like a statue, his lips already curved around the whistle, ready to begin the intense struggle that was certain to follow. Double D took his position on the left side of his team's field, his team's wide receiver. He examined the Lumpers as they took their places and fear gripped his heart as he remembered last year's painful tackles and humiliating defeat. Gulping, he brought out the rat skull bracelet Marie had given him and, without giving it much thought for once, wrapped it around his right wrist. "Cannot give into fear. Cannot give in to fear!" He repeated over and over.
All was silent as the last of the players took their positions. Even the rowdy crowds at either side of the field became still. The only sound daring to occur during this time was the gentle rustling of the wind as it blew past the players, dragging along with it a single red leaf. Said leaf distracted Ed for a moment but the rest of the player's sights were locked onto their opponents. Both Kevin and the Lumper that was in front of him bore their teeth, Kevin in an angry scowl as he remembered how his team got skunked last year, and the Lumper in a twisted sneer as he recalled his intent to do it all over again. The wind left the field and took the leaf with it and as if waiting for that innocuous moment, the referee brought down his arm and blew his whistle.
The game had begun.
The Lumper in front charged at Ed, only to be held back by a single hand. With the other, Ed leaned his head backward and handed the football to a confused Kevin. "I believe this is yours, miss."
Kevin stared dumbfounded at Ed for a few moments, growled in annoyance, and ripped the ball from his hands before turning to Double D. "Here you are, dork! Don't mess this up!" With a grunt of effort, Kevin chucked the ball at Double D who panicked and, temporarily forgetting that he was supposed to catch it, shielded himself from the approaching pigskin. The football slammed against his head, disabling his defensive stature, and landed in his hands as he recovered. It was the soft rumbling of the earth that finally brought Double D back to his senses as he realized that the Lumpers were coming after him. He froze like a deer in headlights, trying and failing to mentally brace himself for the upcoming pain when, at the last possible moment, Kevin suddenly jumped in front of him and blocked the Lumper. It was clear he was struggling with the inflated football player on account of his grunting and straining but nonetheless, he kept the behemoth of a football player away from Double D.
"Kevin!"
"What's the matter with you, dork?" Kevin grunted. "I said go!"
Double felt more rumbling and peeked over Kevin and the Lumper to see more of the latter's ilk coming his way. Terror engulfing him like the mouth of a heron over a helpless frog, Double D sprinted away toward the enemies' touchdown area. There was already a Lumper standing in his path, ready to intercept Double D and smiling with rather disgusting teeth at the thought of the pain he was about to inflict. Double D whimpered, unsure of what to do. From behind him, while still struggling with a Lumper, Ed noticed his friend was in peril and began to panic. "Must help Double D!" He looked around for something, anything he could use to save his friend and spotted a disgruntled Eddy, who, given how short he was, had been completely ignored by the Lumpers so far. "Man, this game stinks." He remarked right as Ed picked him up with his free hand and held him over his head. "Hey! What the heck are you doing, monobrow?"
"Fly Eddy, Fly!" Ed pleaded as he threw his screaming friend all the way across the field and into the stomach of the Lumper blocking Double D's path, knocking them both down.
"Oh! Thank you, Eddy!" Double D shouted as he raced past the fallen Lumper and his friend who was currently busy rubbing his aching head. "Hey!" He shouted back at Ed. What the heck was that for Lumpy? Why you-" He stopped mid-sentence upon feeling the hot, musky breath of the enraged Lumper whose stomach he was currently resting on. "Mommy!" That was all Eddy managed to whisper before the Lumper grabbed him.
Too intent on making the touchdown to hear his friend's cries of pain and pleas for mercy, Double D made it to the end of the field and dropped the ball, scoring the point. The referee blew his whistle and the crowd on both sides went wild as the scoreboard changed the Peach Creek Cobbler's number from zero to one. Double D was out of breath by this point and held his knees as he fought to recover his breath. "I did it." He thought. "I really did it!" He looked gleefully at the bracelet on his arm. Maybe we can pull this off, after all!"
His confidence was fully restored and with just a bit of the spirit of football in him, Double D raced back to his team to prepare for the next round. He didn't have to wait long and for the first quarter, everything went according to Kevin's plan. Without fail, anyone who got the ball passed it on to Double D right before being crushed. The skinny bookworm started getting better and better at catching the ball and felt less and less winded as he raced past the Lumpers toward the end zone. It was the complete opposite of last year with the Cobbler's score climbing up while the Lumper's remained a big fat zero. Double D felt as if he was at the top of the world and most of his teammates relished in the sweet taste of victory that had eluded them for so long.
Well, most of them anyway.
Once again, everyone had taken their positions with Double on the far side of the field, waiting to receive the ball. He had only just noticed that Eddy was not in his usual spot next to Ed when the referee blew on the whistle and Kevin chucked the ball at him. Holding both hands up, Double D declared, "I got it! I got it! I-
Eddy suddenly jumped up from behind him and with both hands, pushed his head down. "In your dreams, sockhead! It's my turn to be the big shot!" Eddy opened his arms to embrace the ball. The pigskin collided with his stomach and knocked him all the way to the front of the Lumper's fan's bleachers.
"Hey! What is that dork doing?" Kevin growled.
"Go Eddy, go!" Ed shouted happily.
Double D groaned as he picked himself off the ground. "Eddy, of all the rotten...oh dear!" Far too late, Double D saw the deranged herd of Lemon Brook Lumpers charging right at him. With no time to evade, he braced himself for impact and was immediately trampled as they raced toward Eddy.
The self-proclaimed leader of the Eds screamed in terror as he spotted them coming and made a beeline for the end zone. As he was holding the football directly in his line of sight, he failed to notice the Lumper waiting for him in front of the end zone until he was kicked in the air. "Mooooommmmmmmy!" he screamed as he vanished into the sky, allowing the football to fall into the hands of one of the Lumpers who then turned tail and rushed toward the Cobbler's end zone. With everyone else scrambled across the field, Double D was the only one standing between the Lumper and their first touchdown. "Drat. Curse Eddy's desperate exigency for prestige! Figuring he might as well take his incoming pain like a man, Double D forced himself into a blocking position and waited for the Lumper to run him over like a truck.
He only had to wait five seconds.
The Lumper threw the ball into the Cobbler's end zone with enough force to create a crater and he, his teammates, and their supporters from home all cheered as the zero underneath the visitors section of the scoreboard finally turned to one.
"Too-Smart-For-His-Own-Good Ed-boy!" Rolf called out as he went to help Double D back on his feet. "Are you alright?"
"I'm...fine..."Double D stopped to cough out a few of his teeth. "Rolf."
"That stupid dork!" Kevin cursed as he and the other players rushed to Double D's side. "When I get my hands on him..." He shook his head with an angry grunt. "Hey, Egghead, can you stand?"
Double D gently pushed Rolf away from himself. He wobbled a little, his equilibrium temporarily thrown out of whack by two clobberings in a row. After a few seconds, however, he was able to regain his composure. "I-I'm fine, Kevin. I can keep playing."
"Good!" Kevin said. "Those Lemon Brook Losers are gonna get cocky now that they've scored a point. We should take advantage of that!"
"Right on!" Jonny repeated as he and the others proceeded to rush to their places. Double D wobbled back to his, his head still spinning and his bones making a not-so-delightful cracking sound with each step he took. He looked at the bracelet that Marie had given him and sighed as he noticed a giant crack on the rat skull. "Perhaps Lady Luck has decided to abandon men yet again, that fickle mistress."
"What's up Peach Creek Cobblers!? What's up Peach Creek Gobblers?"
Double D, as well as everyone else on the field, turned to their side of the bleachers and spotted three familiar faces forming a triangle on the side. Marie, Lee, and May were all dressed in cheerleader uniforms, the former speaking into a microphone as she stood on her sister's shoulders.
"The Lumpers got no chance against the Cobblers. All they know how to do is slobber!"
Lee and May chuckled, causing Marie to waver and ultimately fall down on them, all three sisters were knocked to the ground.
"Marie?" Once he got over his initial shock, Double D couldn't help but giggle at the spectacle. "Well, they certainly have spirit." He turned toward Kevin and held out his hands. "And so do I!"
As the boys took their places and prepared for the next play, Marie got up and rubbed her head. "Ow! What the hell's wrong with you guys? Don't you know how to stand still?"
Lee, who got up before May, responded by grabbing Marie's throat and lifting her up. "We're not the ones who fell down on her sisters, ya lame brain!"
"Gee, being a cheerleader is a lot harder than it looks," May commented as she dusted herself off. "I don't know how Nazz and the other do it."
Meanwhile, in the girl's locker room, Nazz, Sarah, and Jimmy struggled against the ropes holding them together, their panicked cries muffled by the duct tape on their mouths.
"Why are we even doing this in the first place?" Marie asked. While she wasn't exactly averse to wearing more feminine clothes from time to time, Marie couldn't help but feel just the tiniest bit stupid in the cheerleader outfit she was currently wearing. The fact that she and her sisters apparently sucked at this kind of thing certainly didn't help matters.
"Ah, what are you complaining about, you ungrateful swine?" Lee grabbed her blue-haired sister and held her close. "We're doing this for you, dum-dum!"
"F-For me?"
"Yeah, we saw how you were helping Double D train for the big game and decided to pitch in in our own little way!"
"Plus we wanted to root for our boyfriends as well!" May shouted happily. "Right, Lee?"
"Ah! Shut up May!" Lee punched her sister away. "After all, what are sisters for?"
Marie was dumbfounded. What she just heard was both one of the kindest things her sister had said and one of the lamest. She found herself chuckling and shook her head as she wiped a tear from her eyes. "You guys are stupid, you know that."
"Mr. Kettle, meet Mr. Pot. He says you're black!" Lee laughed to herself as did May as she walked back toward her sisters. Once the girls got ahold of themselves, they started their attempt at a synced dance as the game continued. Although they hardly had the same moves that Nazz and the actual teenagers had, the Kanker's gambit worked as Double D recovered his confidence and was able to continue with the plan. He sped through the Lumpers, putting his trust in his teammates to keep them at bay as he made the touchdown. The Cobbler's score continued to grow and it seemed like victory was assured.
But it wouldn't be a sports story without some kind of last-minute drama, wouldn't it? I wish I could tell you it was something serious like Double D breaking a leg or aliens interrupting the game, turning the whole thing into a crossover with the X-Files. But it was nothing as noteworthy as that. No, the drama simply came in the form of Double D getting cocky and realizing too late that the Lumper guarding the End Zone was far too close for his friends to come to his rescue. He was on his own and whatever he decided to do, he'd need to do it fast.
'Drat! Curse my hubris!" Double D thought. "What to do? What to do?" He noticed how close he was to the End Zone, how close he was to scoring the points that would win his team the game. He looked up toward the rapidly approaching Lumper, his face fixed in a feral snarl of rage and adrenaline. He gulped as he realized what he had to do, or rather, what he had to at least try to do. "Please let this work!" Channeling all the strength into his right arm, Double D jumped up and hurled the ball toward the End Zone just as the Lumper tackled him. It bounced along the ground a few times before finally landing in the End Zone. The Lumper crushed Double D flat against the ground just as the referee blew the whistle and the game ended.
Against all odds, the Peach Creek Cobblers had won.
"We...did it?" Kevin's lips curved into a wide smile. "We did it!" He cheered. The other Cobblers followed as well. "We won!"
"Yeah," Eddy said as he limped onto the field, his back still aching from when he landed on the other side of the school's property. "Big freaking whoop!"
"Eddy!" Ed ran up and scooped up his injured friend in a giant hug, completely oblivious to his wheezing pleas for mercy or the sound of his bones cracking. "Double D won the game for us!"
"Help me!" Eddy managed to scream.
As the last of the Lumpers sauntered off the field in defeat, the Cobblers rushed up to Double D, ripped him from the ground he was embedded in, and held him up as they made their way to the locker rooms. So dazed in the head was the hero of the game that he hardly registered being picked up and cheered for at all. The last thing he did noticed before he faded to unconsciousness was Marie and her sisters standing next to the locker room entrance. He smiled weakly at her as he passed by and she returned the favor.
"Thank you, Marie." He thought. "Thank you."
(Damn, I never thought I'd finish this chapter! Believe me, it was never intended to go on this long. In any case, I hope you enjoyed and I'll circle back to this story very soon. Later!
PS, feel free to berate me for any mistakes I made regarding how football is played. A sports guy I ain't!)