Chapter 7: Holly
(Okay so there was another idea I had for this chapter but after doing some thinking, I realized it would have been better suited for a later date given the story. Nonetheless, this chapter is meant to be more relaxing than anything. Nothing much in the way of plot, just pure shenanigans
Let's begin shall we?
Another week had passed since the whole trophy debacle and not much of interest had happened. Marie's coughing went down considerably to about once or twice a day although it would always be when she was near or thinking about Double D. The fiction between her sisters and the Eds had also died down a little with the Kankers now sometimes helping with Eddy's scams. Of course, as usual, these usually ended in failure and painful injury.
Marie was still rubbing her back and wincing at the memory of Eddy's skydive scam.
Nonetheless, Marie was content. In a way, things were actually better than before. Given the situation, Double D no longer feared Marie nearly as much as he used to and while a part of Marie did miss instilling said fear into him, she had to admit to herself that it was weirdly nice to have him talk to her normally and just be comfortable in her presence. She sometimes wondered if her sisters ever felt the same and always came to the same conclusion:
It was the same for May and Ed, not so much for Lee and Eddy who were constantly at each other's throats, especially when a scam was under way.
But right now, that was neither here nor there. Right now, as Marie made her way to Double D's house, her only thoughts where on hanging out with him. She could feel a couple of petals swishing inside her sore lungs but she ignored them for now. She wanted to wait until she was in the safety of Double D's house before letting them loose. Once she was outside the door, she cleared her throat, pointed her finger towards the doorbell...
...and bashed her fist against the door as hard and as fast as she possibly could.
"Hey Double D! Open up!" She demanded through the now cracked door. She crossed her arms and tapped her foot impatiently as she waited for Double D to answer. After a couple of minutes, there was no reply and so she attacked the door again, this time causing it to break inward. "Double D!" She shouted as she stomped inside, tracking the mud stuck to the bottom of her shoes into the house. One might have found this strange considering Marie had been nowhere near a mud puddle on this day but such a enigma held no interest for the blue-haired Kanker as she searched for the owner of the house. "Double D!"
It was at that moment that Marie heard the sound of a vacuum roaring and beneath that, the sound of whistling. It was coming from her right and as she turned, she saw Double D enter the room, his head sandwiched between a pair of giant headphones. These headphones were connected to a big black box resting in Double D's left pocket by a single black cord. It was impossible to tell what he was listening to because of the vacuum, although given the kind of tune he was whistling, Marie figured it had to be something classical and far above her taste. Whatever it was seemed to please Double D immensely as his eyes were closed as he vacuumed, no doubt using muscle memory to navigate the house so he could focus on the music.
"There you are!" Marie approached him. "It was about time yo-
FWOOMP!
It took Marie a hot second to realize she had been sucked into the vacuum cleaner. To her, everything just seemed to have gone dark. She got her clue when she felt a bunch of dust bunnies tickle her nose which, of course, caused her to sneeze.
Thankfully, the sudden jerk this caused inside the vacuum cleaner finally pulled Double D free from the spell his music over him. He paused the music, and pulled the headphones down to his shoulders and he examined the vacuum closely. "Odd," He said to himself. "I could have sworn that the vacuum moved by itself. "I haven't accidently sucked in Eddy again have I?"
"You sucked someone in, that's for sure!" Marie shouted angrily from the inside of the vacuum.
Double D gasped. "Huh! Marie?"
"Let me out, sockhead!" Marie demanded as she struggled inside the vacuum's leathery prison. She began to cough violently and couldn't even tell if it was the damn petals or the damn dust bunnies.
Double D quickly unzipped the vacuum, allowing Marie to tumble out along with all the dust and grime that Double D had accumulated since he had begun. She landed with her butt in the air, her mind still fuzzy from what had just transpired. "Thank" She coughed out a dust bunny. "You."
"Oh dear!" Double D ran up to Marie and grabbed her shoulders. His hands felt cool as a result of the yellow rubber gloves her as wearing. He propped the Kanker up on her knees and produced a hankey from his pocket which he started wiping her dusty face. "Please forgive me! Oh, curse my addiction to the classic works of Bach! Are you alright?"
"Uh huh." Another handful of dust bunnies tumbled out of Marie's mouth as she spoke, her mind still in a daze. Double D groaned as she finished cleaning her face.
"What are you doing here if I may ask?" Double D did indeed ask.
"I...wanted to see...if you...wanted to ha-
"GOOD LORD!" Double D sudden exclamation knocked Marie to the floor as he had just realized the state of his front door. "What in Sam's Hill happened to the door!?" He ran up to the opening, his legs kicking up and his hands gripping his head. "Oh dear! Oh dear! Oh dear! This is bad! Just think of all the insects that could fly in!" He reached into his hat and pulled a black bar with something wrapped all over it. He removed a strip of plastic from it, revealing a row of Velcro and attached it to the top of the doorway before letting the netting around it fall. "There! All better!" Double D said as he clapped his hands together. "This net will keep any and all matter of flying insects from infiltrating my home." His smile faded as he turned back to the shattered remnants of the door laying on the floor, not to mention the mud. "Of course, that still won't take away the awkwardness of explaining just what happened to the front door, will it Marie?" He held his hips and stared sternly at the Kanker.
"Well excuse me for paying ya a visit!" Marie, having finally reclaimed her senses, got back up. "You're the one who wouldn't answer the door."
"I see," Double D looked down at his music box. "I do apologize, Marie." He said as he presented the box to Marie. "I always listen to Bach when I clean the house."
"Clean the house?" Marie asked.
"That's right. Mother and Father have instructed me to give our humble abode a through cleansing." Double D explained. "I figured I'd start with the easy part and vacuum the whole house top to bottom." He placed the music box back inside his pocket and went to zip up the vacuum.
"Ah! Clean Smean!" Marie squished herself between Double D and the vacuum and pushed the cleaning appliance away. "It's a beautiful day! Let's hang out somewhere!" She pressed her cheek against his. "I know this great mud puddle full of worms that bite!"
Double D sweated. "As exhilarating as that sounds," He slipped through Marie's grasp and reemerged behind her with the vacuum in hand. "Unfortunately, I cannot leave my chores unintended." He placed the headphones over his ears. "I cannot leave until the house has been scrubbed, mopped, polished and disinfected completely. Have a good day now!"
Marie huffed "But Double D!"
He had already turned on his Bach and did the same with the vacuum cleaner, drowning out Marie's complaints. He hummed to the tune of the music blaring in his ears as he reclaimed all the dust that had fallen out with Marie. Once that was done, he focused on the mud and the pieces of the front door, sucking them up one by one. Marie continued to complain in front of him but alas, he was in his own world at this point, lost in the wildings of Brandenburg Concertos.
Marie finally stopped shouting once she realized that he really wasn't listening. She stood there fuming as she watched Double D suck up the door pieces. "Who does sock head think he is?" She thought as she watched him clean. "Seriously, I know the guy's a goodie two-shoes but this is just embarrassing! Do his folks really expect him to clean up this whole house by himself? And he's okay with that? Me and my sisters have to play Thunderdome to decide who has to wash the dishes." She scoffed and crossed her arms as she continued to watch Double D. Her initial instinct was to just leave and find something else to do. Maybe bug one of her sisters or torment one of the kids that lived here. She was certain she spotted those two babies Jimmy and Sarah, playing tea party at the former's house. Yet, she did not move, she just continued to stare at Double D as he continued to clean. Her eyes fell to the pieces of wood that once made up his door and watched as he sucked them up in the vacuum, all while humming Brandenburg Concertos.
"Seriously, Double D's the only guy I know ho could have fun doing chores! I mean, look at him! All smiling and humming like he were on top of the world. It's so stupid! So lame. So...cute. What!?" Marie froze up as she realized just what kind of thought raced through her mind. "Cute? Cute!? Why did I think that? There must still be some dust still trapped in my brain." She began to choke. "Crap! That's not dust! It's...It's...
She suddenly coughed up a bunch of small white petals.
Double D happened to open his eyes as he turned the vacuum around and noticed at once the petals on the floor and the coughing Marie. "Oh dear!" He turned off the vacuum and dropped the headphones at once. He rushed to Marie and patted her back. "Are you alright?"
"I-I'm fine!" Marie released one more petal before wiping her mouth. "Sorry about the floor."
Double D uttered a displeased murmur as he looked down at the white petals at both his and Marie's feet. He reached into his hat and pulled out his trusty tweezers and yet another plastic baggie. He grabbed one of the petals with the tweezers, examined closely, concluded that it belonged to the Aquifoliaceae family of the genus Holly, and placed it in the bag. After returning the bag to the inside of his hat, he returned to his vacuum and sucked up the remaining petals. "Messy, messy, messy!"
Marie watched as the last of the petals vanished in the vacuum and rubbed her arm. "Hey Double D. Just to be clear, you're not going anywhere until you finished cleaning this house right?"
"That is correct," Double D as he switched the vacuum off to speak to Marie. "Once a task is started, one must do everything in their power to complete it. At least, that's the motto I go by."
"That's gotta be the lamest motto I ever heard," Marie whispered under her breath before a breath inhale. "Alright. Then I'll help you."
Double D stiffened. "I'm sorry?"
"I said I'll help you." Marie grumbled. "The sooner this is finished, the sooner we can hang out right? So, I'll help."
Double D stood there in surprise as he considered the words that had just left Marie's mouth. Once he was fully sure what he heard was true, he smiled and got into the Kanker's face. "You will?" He asked in surprise. "Oh happy days! With a second pair of hands to pitch in, I'm sure to get this house speck and span in no time!"
Yeah, yeah, yeah!" Marie rolled her eyes. "Just tell me what I gotta do first." Marie suddenly felt something long and metal get thrust against her chest. She looked down to see it was a broom.
"I was to repeat the process of vacuuming upstairs once I as done here but seeing as you've lent your aid in my time of need, I would greatly appreciate it if you could sweep the upper story for me."
Marie stared at Double D for a few moments before looking down at the broom in her hands.
"Just sweep all the dust and debris into a pile and I'll be there to vacuum it shortly. Thank you!"
Marie stared back at Double D, than back at the broom and finally left for upstairs with a bored "whatever."
Double D watched with a smile as Marie vanished up the stairs and placed the headphones over his ears again.
"Gah! Just how much dust is there in this freaking house!" Marie grumbled to herself. She had already lost track of the time she had spent sweeping through the upper story of Double D's house but was willing to bet her left kidney that it had been hours. (It was 20 minutes) She had swept the bathroom, Double D's bedroom in which she had spent five minutes distracted by the more gruesome bugs in his arthropod collection. She made a mental note to ask him just where he had found them. Now she was in the hallway, making her way to the only room she had yet to touch.
Double D's parent's bedroom. Even when she had made a habit of breaking in in the past, she'd never dare to set foot there.
"Seriously," Marie thought as she looked down at the large pile of dust she was moving around with the broom. "I bet Double D would have a heart attack if he saw all this dust. The neat freak." Marie stopped in front of the master bedroom and took a deep breath. "Here goes something." She opened the door and peered inside. There wasn't anything really out of the ordinary in this room. A king-sized bed sat at the end with the closet on the side. To Marie at least, this room seemed clean enough as it was.
But by now, she knew better.
"I'll bet there's a ton of dust just hiding in the carpet." Marie said as she ran the broom over it. Sure enough, a small cloud of dust jumped up and settled back down. "I knew it! And look at this mess! Geez, I swear it's like his folks haven't been here in forever!" She continued to grumble as she began to sweep the room, bringing up more and more dust to the surface. "Just where am I supposed to put all this crap anyway?" It was then that Marie noticed the space between the bed...
"Oh Marie!" Double D as he walked upstairs. He was carrying the vacuum to his right. "I'm ready to suck up all the dust you've accumulated."
Marie poked her head out of the bathroom and stepped into the hall. "Hey Double D, you finished with the first floor?"
"Yes, indeedy!" Double D proudly exclaimed. "I trust that you gave the upstairs a through sweeping."
"Ha!" She waved her hand. "As if I even needed to do that."
"What do you mean?" Double D asked as he set the vacuum down.
"I mean there was hardly any dust to sweep!" Marie replied. "You've got one clean house Double D!"
"Really?" Double D looked around. The hallway sure seemed clean enough. He could swear he even saw a sparkle or two. And yet, rather than feel relieved, he felt...concerned. This was too convenient. Surely, there had to have been some dust in need of sweeping, but where...
Double D stiffened and broke into a cold sweat.
"Double D?" Marie asked. "What's wrong?"
Slowly, his eyes inched toward the door to his parent's room which he noticed was slightly ajar.
"Um..Double D?"
Continuing to ignore the Kanker, Double D turned to the door and grabbed the knob.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Marie said.
This only caused Double D to gulp as he opened the door and bore witness to the pending disaster within. Packed tightly within the confines of his parent's bed was all the dust and grime that Marie had swept up, throbbing and ready to burst.
"Good lord, Marie!' Double D shouted. "What have you done?"
"Hey! Relax will ya?" Marie defended as she popped by Double D. "I was just using a tried and true Kanker method for cleaning messes like this."
"Really?" Double D asked. "What method?"
"Out of sight, out of mind."
"Marie!"
The densely packed dust exploded, unleashing a world of hurt on the two teens.
"Messy, messy, messy!" Double D groaned as he sucked the last of the dust up. The vacuum was fit to burst at this point but at least his parent's room was once again clean and tidy, save for the occasional chip that fell from the giant hole in the roof created by the bed as it was propelled by the explosion. Double D was still trying to think of how he was going to explain that one to his parents. "There," He said as he turned the vacuum off. "At last, the dust is gone."
"Great!" Marie said as she leaned against the doorway. "Now we can blow this pop stand!"
"Ahem!" Double shouted. "This pop stand is my home!"
"Whatever."
Double D glared at Marie and rolled the vacuum cleaner out of his parent's room into his. A few minutes later, he came out with a mop and a mop bucket.
"Huh?" Marie walked up to him, her eyes glued to the new cleaning equipment. "What the heck? I thought you were done!"
"With sweeping, yes I am." Double D approached the bathroom. "And after the sweeping comes the mopping."
"Oh great!" Marie moped. "And I suppose you want me to take care of downstairs right?"
"Actually, I should be able to take care of the mopping myself." Double D said as he turned on the sink and stuck the bucket underneath the water. "But I would appreciate it if you could take care of the dishes."
"Dishes?" Marie asked.
"Yes. Mother recently bought several plates from a yard sell last week. They're quite beautiful but still rather messy. Could you please wash them?"
"I...Alright..." Marie sighed as she made her way downstairs while Double D continued to hum a tune.
"Come on! Come off already, you piece of crap!" Marie growled as she continued to scrub the plate. It was completely white with a beautiful blue design on it resembling the branches of a tree. Marring this pattern was a hard black piece of...something Marie could only theorize used to be a meal served on this plate. She must have spent the past hour (five minutes) trying in vain to scrub the damn thing off. At this point, she was becoming convinced that the force she required to remove the speck would destroy the plate in the process. "Come on...drat!" Out of frustration, she threw the plate down into the water. Gripping the edges of the kitchen sink, Marie breathed heavily. She had never been stuck on cleaning dishes by herself for this long. Usually, her sisters were pitching in and usually, they just ended up breaking the plates over each other's heads.
She looked down at the plates still soaking in the water-filled sink. Her eyes shifted toward the left where the plates she had already cleaned sat stacked, still dripping wet. There seemed to be an equal number of plates both in and out of the sink which told Marie she was halfway done.
"Man, this bites!" Marie sighed. "How does Double Dweeb put up with this all the time?" She grabbed the plate with the unmovable speck on it and placed it under the running water, hoping it would loosen it a little. "I mean, any kid would go nuts having to do this kind of thing all the time. but him? It's like he enjoys it!" She started scrubbing at the speck again. "I mean, I guess we all have our quirks." She tried to apply more pressure to the speck, got worried that she would break the plate and forced herself to stop. "Come on, Marie! How would Double D do it?" She briefly considered fetching him, certain he had something up his sleeve for situations such as these. But as she stared at the speck, watching it mock her with its mere existence, she grew annoyed and decided she would do it herself. "I don't need Double D to take care of a speck! I'll deal with this little headache myself!" She scrubbed as hard as she could, cutting some slack to keep from breaking the plate.
"Heh, you know. This kind of reminds me of the day I met, Double D." She thought. "After lunch, we had them clean up exactly like this. That stupid Eddy ended up breaking all the plates with his stupid feet!" She sighed longingly. "And now I'm the one cleaning Double D's dishes. And all because of this these stupid petals in my throat." She stopped to examine the speck closely. Not a sign of movement or any indication that it was finally caving in. She growled in annoyance and continued to scrub. "Although I suppose it could be worse. Double D's pretty chill when it comes to these things. I guess it's not so bad cleaning stuff for him." She smiled. "Yeah, it's almost like I'm his wife..."
She stopped scrubbing the plate. Her cheeks heated up and she felt more petals form in her throat. "Crap! Why did I think that?" She coughed up the petals into the sink. There weren't as many last time and with how small they were, she could just leave them in the water to be sucked down the drain once she was finished with the dishes. "What's wrong with me?" She thought with her cheeks still burning. "I've envisioned myself as Double D's wife millions of times so why does doing it now feel so...embarrassing?" She shook her head. "It's the petals. That's it! It's these stupid petals!"
"Hiya! Marie!" Ed greeted warmly.
"Hey Ed," Marie replied carelessly. "These stupid petals are making me..." She stopped and turned back to Ed. Then she screamed. "Gah! What the heck are you doing here?"
"What?"
"What do you think, Flower Girl?" Marie turned around to see Eddy raiding the fridge. "We're here to see Sockhead!" He shouted "Bingo!" as he pulled a soda bottle out from the fridge and then jumped backward into a chair. "The real question is, what are you doing here? Playing nanny?" He laughed to himself as he unscrewed the bottle cap, only to get a face full of agitated soda.
Marie blushed furiously as she remembered the apron and gloves that she had put on prior to washing the dishes and quickly pulled them off. "Shut up, shorty! I-I' was just washing a couple of dishes for Double D!"
"But isn't washing Double D's dishes Double D's job?" Ed gasped and started shaking Eddy. "Eddy! The flower alien has devoured and replaced Double D!"
"Let...go...you...idiot!" Eddy gasped for air.
"Enough!" Marie pulled a still messy frying pan out of the sink and hit it over Ed's head, forcing him to let go of Eddy who hit the ground with a thud. "I didn't devour anyone, ya moron!" Marie tossed the pan back into the sink. "Double D's folks are making him clean the whole house and I'm helping. That's all there is to it!"
"You've got to be kidding me!" Eddy, still laying on the ground broken and bruised, began to laugh. "A Kanker helping Sockhead clean house! That's rich!" His mad cackling was soon joined my Ed's manic giggling. Marie felt her face flush with embarrassed anger again and with a scoff, she turned her attention back to the sink. "Will you too get lost already? I've got dishes to clean!"
She once again started to scrub that annoying little speck that just wouldn't go away. She decided to balance how aggressive she was with her scrubbing, not too fast, not too slow. Hopefully, with the right rhythm, she'd be able to finally dislodge that damned speck. As she continued scrubbing, however, she noticed Ed peering over her shoulder, watching the speck intently. "What do you want, monobrow?" She asked
"Are you having trouble with that speck, Marie?" Ed asked in a genuinely concerned voice.
"A-A little alright," Marie confessed, not sure what was going on anymore and getting all the more stressed because of it. "Just leave me alone!"
"Trouble cleaning the dishes huh?" Marie screamed as Eddy jumped onto the sink, snickering as he sat himself on the edge and locked eyes with the Kanker. "What a conwinkidink because me and Ed happen to have the perfect solution!" He reached into his pocket and pulled out a shampoo bottle without a proper label. Instead, there was a marker drawing of Ed below a misspelled title. "Ed's All-Purpose Get'em Stinkin Clean Cleaning Agent!"
"Stinkin Clean?" Marie's eye twitched. "That doesn't make any sense, you do-
"For just a measly quarter," Eddy interrupted. "This cleaning agent can fulfill all your solitary needs!"
"I think you meant to say sanitary," Marie muttered, unaware of how much she was beginning to sound like Double D. "Just what's that crap supposed to do anyway?"
Eddy suddenly got into Marie's face. "Well I'm glad you asked!" He jumped off the sink and did a backflip onto Double D's table, fumbling a little as he landed. "This all purpose cleaning agent can be used for anything! Laundry! Mopping! Dishes! Even toothpaste!"
"T-Toothpaste?" Ed shuddered a little, much to Eddy's confusion.
"Oh really?" Marie raised her exposed eyebrow. "And just how did you lame-o's manage to make it without Double D's help?"
"Phsst! It was easy!" Eddy scoffed. "I just dumped a bunch of cleaning supplies together and filled a bunch of empty shampoo bottles with the stuff.
"S-S-Shampoo?" Ed was shivering.
"You mean you just dumped a bunch of cleaning stuff together!? Are you stupid or something?" Marie asked, wondering how none of them were dead from the fumes yet.
(AN: I REALLY SHOULDN'T HAVE TO SAY THIS BUT I KNOW HOW SOME PEOPLE ARE SO NO MATTER WHAT YOU'RE THINKING, DON'T MIX RANDOM CHEMICALS TOGETHER!)
"Relax will ya?" Eddy replied. "It's not like I put bleach in it or anything. Just a some shampoo, toothpaste, laundry detergent and body soap!"
"SOAP!?" Ed began screaming hysterically while running around in circles.
"Ed! Calm down you big- Eddy meant to call Ed an idiot but was interrupted by said idiot smashing through the table in his panicked state. Pieces of wood went flying everywhere and Marie had to dodge one of them as it launched itself into the sink. "Evil soap! Evil soap!" Ed ran around in a few more circles, running over Eddy in the process before smashing through the screen door, leaving a him-shaped hole in the mesh.
Marie waited for the sounds of Ed's panicked screams to die down before approaching the injured Eddy, who was still holding the surprisingly undamaged bottle of cleaning agent and grabbed it out of his hands.
"Hey!" A couple of teeth tumbled out of Eddy's mouth. "You got to pay for that!"
"Just consider this a free trail, shorty." Marie retorted as she looked over the bottle on her way to the sink. It was smudged and no longer illegible but she figured if it at least had a shot of getting rid of that speck, it might just be worth a try. She picked the plate with the speck on it up from the sink, opening the bottle and squeezed it over the speck. Nothing but a few bubbles came out so she squeezed again. Still nothing. She growled as she looked inside the bottle to make sure there was in fact something in there, set the plate down and squeezed with both hands as hard as she could. Suddenly, a messy stream of chucky purple goo shot out from the bottle, splattering all over the sink. "Gah!" Marie cried as she was sent backward by the force and landed next to Eddy.
"Ow! She rubbed the back of her head.
"Alright, you tried it!" Eddy grumbled as he picked himself up. "Now give me my money."
Before Marie could retort that she still needed to see the stuff work in the first place, she heard the sound of aggressive bubbling before her. As she mused over how utterly stupid such a term sounded in her head, she turned to see a giant mass of purple bubbles forming from the sink. All of the plates, both soaking and clean where hidden beneath the ever-multiplying bubbles as the mound began to quiver and waver beneath it's own weight.
"Umm...Double D..." Marie whimpered as the behemoth overshadowed her.
"Why me?" Eddy whimpered as well, already planning to blame as much of the inevitable mess on Marie and Ed as he possibly could.
"There!" Double D said as swiped his mop over the last of the living room floor. He stood tall and looked on at the sparkling floor before him with pride, the CD in his music box just about finished with the last song. Double D removed the headphones. "Now that that's over with, let's see how far Marie's come with the dishes." He tossed the music box aside and made his way to the kitchen door.
As he neared it, however, he noticed a pungent yet fragrant smell emanating from behind the door. This already put him on edge and he slipped even further as he felt something sloppy and warm squish underneath his shoes. Slowly, he looked down and winced as he bore witnessed to a violet, bubbling ooze seeping out from behind the door. Gulping, he reached for the doorknob with a shaky, sweaty hand. "Surely, whatever's the cause of this mysterious seepage is a small muddle that can be quickly and effectively remedied!" Double D knew he was lying to himself but regardless, he grabbed the doorknob and turned it. He gulped one more time, pulled the door open...
...and had a few seconds to marvel at the walls of purple bubbles before him before they collapsed out of the kitchen, drowning out his screams as they leaked into the bedroom.
Purple. Purple. That's all Double D could see. That's all that he could hear. Just...purple. It was just like the Pink Room, only purple.
Finally, enough of the bubbles popped around him that he was able to punch through the mess with his head like a dolphin breaking the surface of the ocean and suck in a huge breath of air once he was free. The living room he had spent the better half of an hour cleaning was once again a mess, this one no mere vacuum would be able to clean up. He looked down, groaning as he noticed how thoroughly soaked his clothes were in the sweet-smelling gunk.
As he grabbed his shirt and tried in vein to wring it clean, Eddy and Marie floated next to him on the bubbles, the former face-down.
"Uggh!" Marie coughed a few times, producing a couple of bubble with holly petals inside them. She groaned as she watched them float up to the ceiling. "Ugh! Just when I thought this stupid sickness couldn't get anymore ridiculous!"
"Ahem!" Marie stiffened and turned to a glaring Double D.
"Now before you say anything, your little headache of a friend was the one that caused this mess!" She pointed at Eddy who was just picking his head up.
"Why you!" He belched a few bubbles himself. "You're the one that dumped the agent in the sink!"
"That's what you said I needed to do, lame-brain! I-" Marie cut herself off once she noticed a plate float by her. The same plate with the immovable speck on it. Only now the speck was gone. Marie beamed as she picked up the plate and held it proudly over herself. "I finally did it!" She shouted. "I finally got the plate-
The plate shattered in her hands, leaving her holding two useless pieces of porcelain.
"-clean." She deadpanned.
Eddy fell to his back, laughing and pointing at Marie while Double D pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head.
"Messy, messy, messy!" Double D grumbled as he wiped the kitchen floor as hard as he could. He had been at it for 45 minutes and still half of the kitchen was covered in purple bubbly gunk. As he wasn't entirely just what it was, he had taken the precaution to wear a gas mask. He looked around at the destroyed kitchen and uttered a hearty sigh as he realized just how much he had left to clean. "Hopefully, I can get this mess cleaned up before Mother and Father come home." He said to himself as he returned to scrubbing the floor. "Messy, messy, messy!"
About a hallway's away from the kitchen, in the laundry room, Marie leaned against the moving dryer. She and the two morons that constituted Double D's friends had been banished to the laundry room where their only task was moving his parent's clothes from hamper, to washing machine to dryer and finally to Ed who had taken a point to fold them into weird triangular shapes, all while humming a rather bad rendition of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 theme song.
"If you're wondering how he eats and breathes and other science facts, remind yourself it's just a movie...uhh...snacks!" He giggled to himself as he folded Double D's father's suit into far too small a triangle. He placed the poor bulging thing on top of the pile as he continued to butcher the song.
"Are crappy sci-fi songs the only thing in that moron's vocabulary?" Marie asked Eddy as he was dumping a new set of clothes in the dryer.
'No, sometimes he shouts out random Dragon Ball attacks." Eddy deadpanned.
"Garlic Gun!" Ed shouted as tore a garlic clove from his jacket and chucked it at Eddy. The clove smashed against his face as it knocked him off his feet. Marie burst into laughter as Eddy gritted his teeth and jumped into the air. "ED!" She laughed even harder as Eddy tackled his larger friend to the ground and the two kicked up a dust cloud that concealed their struggle.
Marie continued to chuckle as she went to throw another load of clothes in the washer. She grabbed onto the top of the pile of dirty clothes which, despite being at this for almost an hour, was still taller then she was, and dragged the clothes down into a waiting hamper. She grumbled as she noticed they were more suits and dresses belonging to his parents. Part of her wished they were Double D's clothes. She could think of a million little pranks she could play if that were the case. Just the thought of them made her snicker as she walked to the washing machine.
As she dumped the clothes out, however, she noticed her throat being tickled with more unwelcome petals. "Crap!" She noticed Eddy and Ed still struggling on the floor, the former trying to pull the latter's single eyebrow off as they both screamed. She was will within their range of sight and she blushed as she could just imagine them laughing at her again like that day by the creek. Not wanting a repeat of that, she ducked her head inside the washing machine and let them out.
The sound of her coughing bounced around in the machine's interior and reverberated through the room but both of the Eds were too busy with their fight to pay any attention. Once Marie was finished, she poked her head out, still dripping with water and shook it dry. Then she grabbed the hamper and dumped the clothes inside. She poured the detergent inside the little slot on the edge of the machine and closed the lid. The 30 minute waiting period had began.
Marie let out a quiet sigh as she silently hoped that the machine would somehow destroy the petals before Double D had a chance to notice them. For now, at least, she could enjoy a little relative peace and quiet.
"Hey! What's all this?" Lee's voice asked.
Dammit.
Marie turned to see her sister Lee and May enter the room. "You were supposed to meet us at the creek to search for dinner, Marie!"
"Yeah," May added. "Mom's making turtle soup!"
"Yuck!" Marie groaned. She hated turtle soup.
Ed apparently didn't agree as he picked up his head and shouted, "Turtle soup!? Yum!" Eddy forced his head back in the ground with both hands. "What are you doing here?"
"Trying to find out why our sister ditched us to play housewife with your nerdy little friend." Lee explained as she walked over to the washing as stood alongside Marie. "Well?"
"It isn't like that!" Marie defended, all too aware of her burning face. "I just wanted to hang out with Double D but he said he had all these chores to do so I figured if I helped him out, they'd go by quicker."
"Is that so?" Lee asked.
"Yeah," Eddy giggled. "You should have seen her in the kitchen earlier. She was wearing an apron!"
"An apron!?" Both Lee and May joined Eddy in laughter as the bright-red Marie gritted her teeth in anger. With a somehow steady hand, she switched the washer off, releasing the lock on the lid. Then she grabbed Eddy, who only had time to utter a confused "huh?" before she tore open the lid, dumped him inside, and slammed it shut. She hopped on the washing machine and jumped on it repeatedly, denting it out of shape.
"So what Sockhead got you doing now?" Lee asked as she surveyed the room. "Washing his unmentionables?"
"They're his parent's clothes, stupid!" Marie retorted as she jumped down from the washing machine. "And they're taking forever!"
"Is that so?" Lee turned to May with a devious grin plastered on her face. "Looks like this operation could use a Kanker's touch!"
"Yeah!" May laughed.
"What are you guys planning?" Marie said in a suspicious voice, only to gasp in surprise as Lee grabbed her by the waist and flung her toward the other side of the room. The whole room shook as Marie crashed back onto the floor while Lee simply spit on her hands and rubbed them together. "Alright," She said. "Let's see what we got here." Lee grabbed the washing machine and pulled it away from the wall, exposing all the cable and wires attached to it's back. She went over to them, studied them for a moment, and then started randomly yanking them away. As she was doing this, the lid temporarily opened, allowing a soaked Eddy to come out for breath. He panted like a dog as he laid over the edge of the machine. By then, Ed had already ripped himself away from the ground and waddled toward Eddy, pieces of the floor still falling from his bruised face. Eddy noticed his friend approaching and held out and hand, wanting to be helped out of the washer.
"May!" Lee shouted through her teeth as they were clenched through a stubborn yellow wire. "Deal with the dryer!"
"Aye, aye! Captain!" May saluted her sister as she pulled the dryer toward her. She began pulling at the exposed cords and wires in the same manner as her sister.
By then, Lee finally managed to bite through the cord.
(AN: DON'T BITE THROUGH ELETRICAL CORDS EITHER!)
The washing machine shut off for a few seconds...before suddenly bursting to life louder and faster then ever. Eddy was sucked back into the machine's maw with a laughing Ed pulled in with him before the lid slammed shut on both. The washing machine jumped up and down as it ran, its features running at far greater capacity then they were ever meant too. Before long, the dryer joined its fellow appliance in an unholy dance of aggressive efficiency. Lee and May cackled madly as the two machines engaged in a bizarre dance of chaos and insanity. Marie fought the urge to laugh as well for as much as it thrilled her twisted Kanker heart to see the appliances go all out and to hear Eddy's pleas for mercy from inside the washing machine, she had had enough experience from today's events to know this was going to end in disaster.
As if triggered by her mere worrying, both the washing machine and the dryer broke free of the wall at the same time and danced wildly around the room. Eddy's screams and Ed's laughter were drowned out by the roar from both machines as they moved about. Marie panicked when she saw the dryer heading for her and jumped on top of it to avoid being crushed. No sooner had she landed on it, however, that she felt a fierce burning sensation on her hands. She found herself dancing against her will, taking her burning feet off the surface of the blazing hot dryer as much as possible, the heat even burning through her shoes.
May continued to laugh and even point at her unfortunate sister while Lee stopped. Not because she felt sympathy for Marie's plight but because she noticed the washing machine shambling toward her at a rapid pace. She jumped out of the way just in time and let May take the brunt of the attack. "You know," She mused. "Maybe this wasn't the best idea after all."
"You think!?" Marie shouted as she continued to struggle with the burning dryer.
It was around that time that Double D, lured in by the sound of commotion he could hear all the way from the kitchen, stepped inside. "Guys, is everything alright in here? I though I heard-GOOD LORD!"
"Double D!" Marie shouted. "Ow! Ow! Ow! I can explain! Ow! Ow! Ow!" She pointed at Lee. "It was my stupid sister's fault!"
"Narc!" Lee called out.
"Lee?" Double D tried to step inside, only to have to back away as the washing machine roared by a certain bucktooth blonde stuck to the front of it. "Hi Double D!" May greeted as she passed by.
"May?" Double D stepped in. "Just what in Sam's Hill are you doing here?"
"Trying to get in our daily good deed, what's it look like?" Lee snarked. She was a little too preoccupied with her retorts to notice the dryer heading her way until it slammed in to her.
"Oh dear! Oh no!" Double D turned to run as the dryer made its way toward him next but alas he was too slow. The dryer jumped down on him and out the door with the washing machine following suit. Now with three victims apiece, the demonic appliances tore through the house, smashing through walls and knocking down and crushing anything that was in their way. The dryer had grown so hot that mere contact with it was enough to set curtains and house plants on fire. The washing machine, on the other hand, was spilling it's soapy water everywhere which acted as some loose damage control. May had already been knocked into a state of confusion and dissonance by all the aforementioned smashing through walls and slipped off, getting crushed underfoot and being left behind in a puddle of water.
"Nice. Ow! Going. Ow! Marie! Ouch!" Lee spelled out.
"What do you mean? Yoww! This is your fault! Ow!" Marie retorted. Underneath the burning dryer, Double D was smashed into the ground repeatedly, doing his best to think of a solution in between the impacts. "It would seem- *SMASH! That the washing machine and dryer- *CRASH! have been tampered with. If I could just *SQUASH! If I could just reach the wires..." Double D noticed the cord and wire trailing behind the dryer and as the machine jumped, he quickly scrambled to it's back and grabbed them with one hand. With the other, he held on for dear life, ignoring the burning pain as he waited for the washing machine to catch up. He didn't have to wait long for the washing machine crashing through a wall and joined its sibling in jumping down the hallway. Double recognized it as the hallway upstairs and panicked as he realized the two appliances were heading for the window at the end. He would have to act fast. Sticking the wires from the dryer underneath his pit, he inched toward the washing machine, stretched out, and reached for its wires. "Come on...Come on...! He pleaded with himself as he tried in vain to grab the wires They seemed to be taunting him, moving out of the way right as he was within grabbing distance. The window grew ever closer and time was running out.
"Come on...Come on...Got you!" Double D triumphantly cried as he finally grabbed the wires. He jumped away from the dryer, his hands smoking at this point and brought the two wires together as he was dragged along with the runaway machines. He carefully studied each and every wire, trying to find the matching set he needed to bring this nightmare to an end. Finally, at long last, he was able to find it and with a gulp and a silent prayer, he touched the tips of the two wires together. This shocked him, of course, turning him into a neon skeleton for a few moments before the currents traveled down the wires toward the machines. Both the washing machine and dryer were suddenly engulfed in electricity, shocking the poor souls both on them and inside of them. At long last, they abruptly stopped their rampage, the dryer sending the Kankers flying toward the window and the washing machine finally releasing the Eds from their watery prison. In fact, all the clothes and petals inside the washer spilled out in a messy soapy geyser while the dryer opened up, barfing out a ton of the ashes that used to be the clothes inside of it.
"Oh my," Was all Double D could think to say.
Lee, Marie, Eddy and Ed all crashed through the window and hit the ground with enough velocity to bury their heads in the dirt upon impact. It wasn't a fun experience for any one of them and yet, Eddy could not help but feel the strangest sense of Deja' Vu.
"Stupid Kankers. Stupid Kankers." Eddy muttered under his breath as he raked the leaves.
"Stupid boys. Stupid boys." Lee hissed under her breath as she tied up the bag.
What did you say?" Both of them shouted at once to each other.
"Will you two knock it off already!?" Marie shouted. "Some of us are trying to work here!" Behind her, Ed was playfully rolling around in the pile of leaves he had gathered while May watched on. She knew those two fooling around weakened her argument and that pissed her off royally. She steamed as she turned to them and shouted. "That goes for you bozos as well!"
Ed stopped rolling at once.
"Both of you, back to work! Now!"
"Daww!" Ed moaned as he got up from the leaves and started raking them back into place. May held open a trash bag for them and stuck her tongue out at Marie.
Marie shook her head with a groan and went back to raking her own leaves. As Double D was too busy fixing the inside of his damaged house as much as possible, Marie had to rake the leaves and put them inside the bag. The fact that her head was still woozy from the runaway dryer fiasco didn't help things one bit. She groaned as she gathered the dead and dying leaves into a small pile, the last pile she would be able to fit into her overstuffed bag.
"This is all their fault!" Marie thought. "My stupid sisters and those stupid Eds! If they hadn't shown up, me and Double D would have been finished by now! And then we could have hung out and...and..." Marie wasn't sure where she was going with that thought. Her face heated up and she felt more petals forming in her throat. She felt one of them fall through her mouth and onto the pile of leaves, a single white speck amongst larger hues of red, orange and yellow. "What the hell's wrong with me?" I know I love Double D. I have from the very first moment I met the guy! I've always thought about things like this but now when I think them I..." She gritted her teeth in anger. Where is this stupid embarrassment coming from? It's these damn flowers, isn't it!? I can't think about anything romantic without these freaking petals clogging my throat!" She quietly gasped as she recalled the dream she had right before she started coughing up flower petals. The one with Double D in a field of roses. "Wait...what if..."
Before Marie could ponder the origin of her mysterious aliment anymore, her attention was stolen by the sound of the back door swinging open. She turned to see Double D stumble out, panting and ragged, no doubt due to the excessive work he had to do inside. "It...took me three hours!" He wheezed. "But I finally, cleaned the house, put out the remaining fires, replaced the curtains and have cooked up the perfect excuse for the missing plants and articles of clothing. Not to mention," He took a screwdriver out of his pocket and whipped it around. "Fixing the washing machine and the dryer and dragging them back into place." He winced as he grabbed his back. "That last task took quite the toll on my spine!"
"So you're done huh?" Lee smiled as she tied up the bag. Marie and may followed suit. "Because so are we!" The three girls chucked their bags all the way to the trash can in the front, the last bag knocking into the lid, causing it to close behind them.
"Well that was stupid." Lee said as she wiped her hands. "Let's go get supper!"
"Wait a minute!" Marie caught herself saying. She hesitated for a moment but once all eyes fell on her, she realized she had no choice but to continue. "It's not over until Double D's done with everything." An awkward moment of silence followed as Marie turned to Double D. "Are you done with everything?"
"Hmm. Let's see." Double D reached into his hat and pulled out a list. "Vacuum the house. Check. Mop the house. Check. Dishes are clean, those that survived that is. Clothes are taken care of. Leaves have been raked. All that's left is..." Double D started to tremble slightly, sweat pouring over his skin. Everyone noticed and Marie was working up the nerve to ask him what was the matter but May beat her to the punch.
"Hey Double D, what's the matter?"
Marie then proceeded to beat May with a punch.
"The final task my parents have assigned me is...is..." He brought the paper down, showing everyone the look of utter horror on his face. "Mowing the lawn!" He gripped his head as if he were suffering a violent headache. "I detest mowing the lawn!"
"Aww, what's the matter, Einstein," Lee taunted. "I thought you loved doing chores."
"Even the most well-behaved of adolescents have one chore that they simply cannot stand," Double D explained. "And for me, that is mowing the lawn! Oh, curse the physical demand that confound lawn mower makes on my body!" He started shaking. "Not to mention the grass particles released in the air. How they stain your clothes with putrid green hues that take forever to come out. IT'S A TORTURE BORN OUT OF THE PITS OF HADES, I TELL YOU!"
Lee slapped Double D across the face. "Calm down, Einstein! We'll take care of it!" Lee surveyed the lawn until she spotted an old toolshed on the other side. She waltzed over and tore the door off its hinges. Sitting in the middle of long forgotten hand me town tools was a lawn mower. "There you are, you little bugger," Lee smiled. "May, get the screwdriver!"
"No way!" Marie suddenly grabbed her sister's hair from behind and yanked her back with force, sending her flying into May and the Eds as they were making their way toward the shed. "We are not having a repeat of the washer-dryer rodeo! I'll handle it!" She moved behind the mower as Double D hesitantly made his way to the shed. "While I can't help but rejoice in the idea of having someone else handle the tedious task of cutting Father's lawn, are you sure you'll be alright, Marie?"
"Shut up already!" Marie growled. "It's just a little lawn, how hard can it be?" She pulled at the cord a few times but only got the mower sputtering. "What the!? Work, you stupid little-
"Uhhh...Marie?"
"What!?"
Double D sheepishly pointed to the red tank of gasoline next to Marie's feet. "I believe it needs gas to start." He chuckled nervously."
Marie looked down to see the gas can and back to Double D with a glare, turning around as her face went red to grab the gas. She opened it up and started pouring it into the casket.
Double D, still feeling guilty about letting Marie handle his least favorite chore, twiddled his fingers uneasily. "It...It is very kind of you to take on this task in my stead, Marie. I mean that. Think you!"
Marie felt more petals form in her throat and shook her head. She was softening up but her annoyance made her want to stay angry. "J-Just make yourself useful and go make sure there isn't anything in the yard you don't want getting mowed!"
"Oh uh! Right!" Double D seemed alarmed as he had, in his great fear and distress over having to mow the lawn, let himself forget to safeguard his mother's garden or ensure that some of his precious live specimens hadn't escaped again. He ran off in a panic, repeating "Make way, make way," to himself. Marie nodded and continued pouring the gas into the cap. She was so engrossed with pouring the gas that she failed to notice Eddy and Ed sneaking on her like worms on the ground. Eddy had cut a hole in the bottom of the gas can with a can opener and stuck a tube inside. Said tube was connected to a bottle of Ed's All-Purpose Get'em Stinkin Clean Cleaning Agent.
"This stuff may have not done a good job cleaning but if we mix it with just a little bit of gas from that can, I bet we can supercharge the stuff and send that mower into hyperdrive!" Eddy whispered excitedly. "Sockhead will be finished in no time and we'll be rich!"
Ed's only response to this was to laugh.
"Alright," That should be enough." Marie said as she put the gas can down and grabbed the cord. "Now let's see what this puppy can do!" She yanked the cord two more times to no effect. This made her mad and she put all her might on her third attempt. This finally got the mower going...as in bucking her like a mad bull as it shook the whole shed with its jumping. "Hey! What the heck's wrong with this thing!?" Marie screamed. The mower spun around shot toward Eddy and Ed who Marie was too busy screaming to notice. Eddy's snickering turned into fearful screams as he saw the mower rapidly approaching him and jumped off. "Mower attack!"
"Hi Marie!" Ed responded as he saw the mower coming toward him. He made no effort to move out of the way and so was run over by the mower, little pieces of him coming out from the exhaust like shredded cheese. Eddy grabbed the ceiling to avoid falling to the floor and becoming the mower's next victim as it spun around again and turned back toward the door, all while a screaming Marie held on for dear life.
"Hey? What's all the screaming about?" Lee poked her head in from the side.
"I don't know, Lee." May said as she poked her head in from the other side, clocking her sister with her forehead. "I think-
Both girls were knocked away as the mower zoomed out of the shed.
"Th-There!" Double D said as he strained underneath the heavy load of his mother's bird bath. "If I can just get Mother's imported bird bath out of here safely, Marie can-" Double D stopped in his tracks when he heard the sound of a mower running and Marie screaming. He turned his head to see the blue-haired Kanker racing toward him with breakneck speed. "Double D!' She screamed. "Look out!"
"OH GOOD LORD!" Double D screamed he tried to run away but couldn't do much with the heavy load he was carrying. The mower hit him, sending him and the bird bath flying over Marie as she was pulled past. He landed right where she was but a second ago and not a second later, was crushed by the bird bath which crumbled upon impact with the ground.
"Someone help me!" Marie pleaded as the runaway mower crashed through a white picket fence and tore through the neighbor's yard, repeating the process again and again until both its engine and Marie's screams were faded.
"Maaaaarrrrriiiiieeee?" Double D droned as he lifted his neck up from the hole in the ground the bird bath had created for him in its dying throes. He shook his head as he saw heard Marie's screams fade in the distance. This was followed by the sound of footsteps thundering after him and he turned to see his friends and the Kankers running up to him.
"Where the heck is Marie going?" May asked.
"Skimping out on her work as usual!" Lee shook her head with her arms crossed. "That little weasel has it too easy sometimes, I tells ya."
"Someone please pull me out!" Double D pleaded "We need to go after Marie before she hurts someone else or herself!"
"One Double D, hold the onions!" Ed shouted as he pulled Double D out of the ground like a carrot. Aside from his torn clothes, you would never know that he had been cut into pieces by the mower just moments before.
Double D opened his mouth to speak, only to cough out a large hardened mound of dirt. "Thank you, Ed!" Double D said. "Let's follow that mower!"
Rolf hummed as he poured the mess of slop into the pig trough. Wilbur and his fellow swine rushed to the trough as soon as he was done, squealing with greed as they buried their snouts into the mess of rotten apple cores and other mush. "Ah! To see how you swine nip and peck at each other over meager resources the other animals do not get to enjoy." Rolf sighed. "There's a metaphor in there somewhere, yes?" Before Rolf could contemplate just what the hell he was saying, he heard something crash through the gate that separated his property from the Egghead Ed-boy's house. He turned to see the blue-haired Kanker girl holding on for dear life the handle bar of a runaway mower.
As Rolf watched in horror, she smashed right into the chicken coop, setting the fowl free in a mess of wood and mesh wire. The frightened poultry, while unharmed, were panicked by the sudden upheaval and ran throughout Rolf's yard, flapping their wings and clucking like it was the end of the world. One of them even landed in Rolf's hair, annoying the son of a shepherd as he fought to wretch the bird's feet from his hair. As this was happening, Marie was trying her best to dig her feet into the ground and stop the mower. All this succeed in doing was spraying dirt all over Viktor the Goat as he was eating his lunch as the mower made a sharp turn. The goat, having just been bathed this morning, let out a annoyed "Baa!"
"How do you stop this crazy thing!?" Marie shouted as the mower crashed headfirst into the rabbit enclosure, freeing the bunnies in a similar manner to the chickens. Some of the rabbits landed in Rolf's vegetable patch and wasted no time helping themselves to the leafy greens he had planted there.
"Unhand Rolf's endives, you furry hooligans!" Rolf screamed as he tried to pull the frightened chicken away from his face with all his might. Alas, the chicken's grip was too strong and it snapped back into Rolf's face like a sling-shot, knocking him down.
Marie panicked as she saw the mower heading for Beatrice, Rolf's cow. "Turn around! Turn around!" She begged the mower to no avail. She gulped, which tickled her throat due to the petals in there, and braced for impact. Said impact was swift and painful, with the mower conveniently going under the cow and allowing Marie to take the full brunt of Beatrice's side. This should have been the end of the mowing nightmare for Marie Kanker and would have been if not for the fact that her foot caught caught on the starter cord. She screamed as she was pulled under the cow after the mower which was making one final turn toward the pig trough. The pig squealed with fear as they saw the mower coming and moved out of the way as it raced past them, knocking the trough and its contents over. The slop ended up hitting Rolf who was just getting back up and knocked him down again. Getting hit by the slop from behind scared the chicken off but Rolf was too enraged to feel relieved about it and sat back up while shaking his fist at a girl he couldn't see through the slop in his eyes. "You accursed witch! Rolf will subject you to the 10 Days of Painful-FLOORGH!"
Wilbur and the other pigs, still hungry, launched themselves at Rolf. Marie raced past the pile of pigs and somewhat recalled reading somewhere that pigs would eat people if given the chance. "I'm sure he'll be fine!" She told herself. "Probably." The mower crashed through the next yard just as Double D and the others rushed onto the scene. Oh no!" He cried as he pulled on his face. "We're too late!"
Eddy surveyed the damage and couldn't help but burst into laughter. He was joined by Lee and May while Ed was too focused on the chickens running around to join in.
"Y-You're laughing?' Double D asked in disbelief. "Marie trashed Rolf's yard and is still stuck to that runaway appliance of doom and you're laughing?"
"Lighten up, Double D!" Edd replied. "We can't help it! Everyone knows there's nothing funnier than senseless destruction and-
"and random acts of violence!" Lee shouted as she prepared to hit Eddy with a bat.
"Wait! Where did you get that bBBBBBBAAAAAATTTTT!" Eddy screamed as he was launched into the trees, Lee and May both laughing their asses off.
"Groan!" Double D, well, groaned. He heard what sounded like a muffled cry and turned to see a bunch of pigs piled over someone with familiar, giant shoes. "Rolf!" Double D reached into his pocket and pulled out a grease-coated magnet, the scent of which caught all the pigs attention at once. Double D whistled to keep their attention fixed on the magnet before chucking it away. The swine all followed it, trampling over Rolf as they did so. The son of a shepherd lay broken on the floor, several hoof indents and teeth marks on his body. "Rolf!" Double D cried. "Are you alright?"
"The agony of Rolf's body is no match for the wounds of his pride." Rolf said quietly, staring off into the sky.
Suddenly, another familiar voice screamed in the distance.
"Oh no! That sounded like Jonny!" Double D fretted. "We have to hurry! Follow me!" Double D was just about to lead the way when he noticed a bulge under Ed's jacket as he turned around. He turned back to realize Ed had a bunch of clucking, pecking chickens underneath his jacket. "Ed, put the chickens back please."
"Awww!"
"Hmmm..." Jonny scratched his bald head as he mentally debated his next move. It was his fourth round of chess with Plank and the hunk of wood had him dead to rights. He stuck his tongue out as he pondered what he should do next. Finally, it hit him. "Plank, over there!" He pointed behind the piece of wood.
Plank remained leaning on his rock for a few seconds before he suddenly fell over it. Once he was "looking behind him", Jonny took one of Plank's queens and swallowed it. It tasted terrible but if he kept at it, he was sure to win in no time at all. Before he could reach another piece, though, he heard the fence explode followed by the sound of a girl screaming and lawn mower roaring. The latter was enough to spook Jonny beyond wanting to investigate so he grabbed Plank and prepared to run off.
He didn't make it, however. The lawn mower rammed into him from behind and launched him and Plank into the nearby tree. The branches rustled as Jonny and the hunk of wood fell through. Jonny got his head stuck between two branches just above the ground and a few seconds later, Plank's head popped up from the greenery on the other side of the tree. The lawn mower and the girl hanging on to it for dear life circled the tree for a few moments before smashing into the next yard.
No sooner had they left that Double D and the others came rushing to the scene. "Oh dear! Jonny! Are you alright!"
"Uhhh...I think so," Jonny replied in a uncertain voice. Speaking tickled his throat and he coughed a few times before finally hacking out the chess piece he had eaten earlier. "Can you guys get us down from here. Plank hates being upside down!" Jonny's eyes shifted toward Plank. "Huh? What's that, buddy?" His eyes widened. "You're going to throw up!?" Jonny turned his gaze back to the Eds and Kankers in a panic. "Guys! Hurry!"
"Oh no!" Ed shouted. "Marie gave her weird sick to Jonny and Plank!"
Double D pinched his nose. "Ed, please get Jonny down."
"Ok!" Ed went from trembling to laughing as he rushed toward the tree, grabbed its trunk, and started to shake it with all his might.
"Atta boy, Lumpy!" Eddy snickered as he rubbed his hands together. "How much should we charge Melonhead for rescuing him?"
Double D snapped toward Eddy, shocking the smallest Ed. "I don't believe you, Eddy! It's our fault that Jonny is stuck up there in the first place and you have audacity, the utter imprudence to-
"Help!" Jonny cried, catching both Eddy and Double D's attention. Ed had successfully uprooted the tree and was now shaking it violently, Jonny and Plank helplessly swinging in the process.
"Ed! Slow down!" Double D cried.
"Look how strong my boyfriend is, Lee!" May beamed as she went to the other side under the thrashing tree. "He's like a modern-day Hercules!"
"Guess they had to give him a lot a brawn in exchange for no brain!" Lee replied.
Suddenly, Jonny and Plank finally popped out of the tree. Jonny fell head-first onto Ed, burying the latter's melon with his own until both heads were hidden from sight. Plank fell right into May's hair which she, as she looked up at him, need a few moments to process. Once that was done, Both May and Ed started screaming. "Get it off! Get it off! They cried as they ran around in circles.
Eddy and Lee burst into laughter while Double D just sighed, losing more and more hope that they would ever end this nightmare.
Nazz happened to be sunbathing in her yard, clad in only her standard red and white bikini. Retro dance music blasted in her headphones at the loudest volume possible. And so when Marie crashed into her yard from one fence to the next, all Nazz got from the event was some slight trembling. This prompted her to remove her sunglasses and look in front of her but there was nothing to see. She shrugged and went back to her sunbathing, completely unaware of the damage behind her.
"More tea, Prince Jimmy?" Sarah asked with a giggle as she held an empty plastic cup.
"Why certainly, Princess Sarah!" Jimmy giggled as he held up his cup and let Sarah pretend to pour the tea. The two took a sip from their nonexistent beverages and sighed in content, the perfect end to their fun-filled day of play.
At least, that's what it would have been if not for Marie and her lawn mower of doom crashing into their yard. Sarah and Jimmy scrambled to get out of the way at once, leaving their picnic blanket and tea set behind. The mower devoured the blanket, sending the tea cups and spoons to Marie's face as it left a trail of torn fabric behind.
Jimmy and Sarah watched the whole thing unfold in horror. "Oh the horror!" Jimmy cried. "I stayed up all night knitting that blanket!"
"No one messes with my tea party!" Sarah lunged at Marie like a jaguar on a tapir. Unfortunately, right as she was to make contact, the lawn mower started to spin uncontrollably and Marie's body knocked Sarah toward the nearest window of Jimmy's house. The pint-sized girl crashed into the window, sending shards of broken glass everywhere.
"Sarah!" Jimmy cried. He glared as Marie as she continued to spin against her will and pulled his sleeves up. "Alright, you no-good-Nelly! I'll show you what happens when you mess with my friends!" He charged at her, only to immediately slip on some of the broken glass and fall on his back. "Owie! Sarah! The angels are singing again!"
Some of the glass Jimmy kicked up as he slipped fell near the lawn mower and got sucked in. They cut up the inner workings, causing the lawn mower to stop for a few seconds and give Marie a chance to rest.
"Phew!" Marie wiped the sweat off her brow as she got back to her feet. She made the mistake of grabbing the lawn mower's handle again when a great blast of fire erupted from the engine. She had to jump high in the air to avoid the flames and thus was once again rendered helpless as the flaming lawn mower roared to life and sped down the street. "Not again!"
Back in Nazz's yard, Lee, May and the Kankers were making their way toward Jimmy's house. Shortly before they transferred yards, however, Eddy went back to check out Nazz. She chuckled to himself as he watched her from far behind. Ed followed him and stared at Nazz with a sort of confused interest, blushing slightly and unsure as to why. Double D went to see what his friends were up to, blushed and covered his eyes as he noticed Nazz and tried in vain to grab them both by the neck and pull them away. It was only with the added muscle of an annoyed and slightly jealous Lee and May that the peeping Eds were pulled away.
As with Marie and her lawn mower of death, Nazz was never the slightest bit aware of their presence.
As the Kankers dragged the Ed into Jimmy's property, they were quick to notice the sent of burning rubber and see the scorch marks leading down the road. They let the Ed go at once.
"Oh dear!" Double D cried as he noticed the scorch marks and the broken window. "We're too late!"
"Oh no! Jimmy!" Ed shouted as he noticed the unconscious boy on the ground. "We have to save him!" Ed rushed to the downed youth and grabbed his retainer. He pulled it down in a way that forced his mouth open, a sensation that jolted him awake. Unable to speak, Jimmy could only feebly thrash about in protest as Ed administered CPR, and by CPR, I mean Ed inflated him like a balloon over and over again, the gust of air leaving Jimmy's body through the mouth and leaving him a shriveled husk.
The sight was enough to make both Eddy and the Kankers laugh out loud. Double D simply pinched the bridge of his nose again and turned away. His attention was forced back in Ed's direction when he heard the sound of broken glass crinkling.
"Ed!" Sarah roared as she jumped out of the broken window, hair messy and shards of broken glass stuck to her skin. "You're in so much trouble!" She launched herself at Ed and started to pulverize him.
"Ow! Sarah! Pain! Hurt!" Ed cried.
"Hey!" May ceased her laughter abruptly. "No one messes with my man but me!" May launched herself into the fray.
"Hey, save some butt-kicking for me!" Lee joined in as well, the two Kankers beating on Sarah as she beat on Ed with poor Jimmy caught underfoot of it all.
"This just keeps getting better and better!" Eddy said through his mad giggling.
"Would you please take this seriously, Eddy!?" Double D asked. "Who knows what other havoc Marie will-
The sound of a crash from down the street silenced Double D. Slowly and unwillingly, he turned to see a thick cloud of smoke rise from where the crash had took place.
"Whoa!" Eddy whispered to himself right as Double D grabbed his hand. "Come quickly!" He demanded. "We have to find Marie!" Before Eddy could utter a single word of protest, Double D summoned all of his strength and pulled him along the road.
It all happened so fast. Once moment, Kevin was working on his bike, twisting the bolts holding his beloved together just right and the next, he see a flaming lawn mower rushing toward him like an enraged stampede. The fact that one of the dreaded Kanker sisters seemed to be attached to it, screaming her head, off certainly didn't make the situation any less nightmarish. Kevin couldn't react. He couldn't even utter one syllable of surprise before the lawn mower from Hell collided with his precious bike, kicking off an explosion that rocked the entire Cul-Dee-Sac.
And so there he was, laying in an indent within the busted up remains of his father's garage, the whole thing blasted halfway into the jawbreaker collection. His hat and shirt were long gone and most of his skin was covered in soot. He also had some in his throat and had to cough it out in small black puffs. As his dazed vision cleared he noticed the black spot where his bike and the lawn mower used to be as well as the bits and pieces that used to constitute both machines scattered all over the place. He also noticed two shapes running down the road. They were Double D and Eddy. As they stopped in front of his house to survey the damage, he knew at once this was their fault somehow.
And they needed to pay.
"Oh dear!" Double D squirmed as he looked around, far too fretful to notice Kevin slowly getting up. "Where is Marie? Eddy, do you see her anywhere?"
"Nope," Eddy answered in a disinterested tone. "Maybe she went back home. So why don't we-GAK!" Kevin had wrapped his fingers around the smallest Ed's throat and pulled aside. "You owe me a new bike dork!"
"Kevin!" Eddy begged in a strained voice as Kevin dragged him to the garage. "Wait! It was the Kankers fault! I swear!"
Double D was dumbfounded as he watched Eddy get dragged off. He was just about to intervene when he thought he heard a feminine voice moaning in pain in the next yard. He looked back and forth between the next yard and the garage where Eddy's screams of pain were echoing and with a hushed "darn it!' He rushed over to the yard.
It didn't take him long to find Marie as she was strung up on a tree, smoking like a doused camp fire. She groaned as Double D came closer, her face hidden from view as she lay over the branch like a wet towel.
"M-Marie?" Double D asked. "Are you alright?"
Marie groaned again. "I...I..." She suddenly and violently coughed out a handful of Holly petals.
Double D sighed. Marie would be alright now that the Lawn Mower of Doom was no more. But they same could not be said for the rest of the Cul-Dee-Sac.
"Alright Ed!" Eddy said in a slightly delirious voice. Getting beaten to a pulp by Kevin will do that to you. "Easy does it now!"
"Right here Eddy?" Ed asked as he moved the painting in front of them. Despite suffering even more grievous wounds than Eddy, Ed's tone of voice was as chipper as always."
Eddy gave a broken thumbs up. "Perfect!" He turned to Double D and the Kankers. "What do you think?"
"Looks good!" Lee replied as she moved the hair out of her eyes to see better.
"Yeah, you can't tell the difference at all!" May beamed.
Marie, still holding an ice pack to her head, looked up to Double D. "Be honest, Double D. You don't really think your folks are gonna fall for this, do ya?"
"Not at all, Marie." Double answered truthfully. "But its the thought that counts...I suppose."
"Will you stop the complaining?" Eddy asked as he adjusted the crude drawing of Double D's lawn fully cut and intact. "It worked once didn't it?" He snickered to himself as he gazed upon his "masterpiece" "They'll never know the difference."
(Kinda of a lazy ending, I know but who doesn't like call-backs? Anyway, the next chapter will be the last of the more slice-of-life stories leading into the climax. That's not to say that things will get crazy, mind you, just that the plotlines for the final arc will start to take shape.
Sorry about taking so long on this one. I needed to work on another story for Alien Day and to top it off, stupid FF is suffering that email glitch again which means you might not even get this story when it comes out! Seriously, the last time lasted what, like two months? And now its happened again?
FF, its not OUR emails, its YOUR site. Get off your lazy bums and FIX it already! PLEASE!
Anyway, if you do get this story when it comes out, I hope you enjoy it. See ya around!)