Praesidium, Barracks- 9:00 AM

6/13/2017

Busan.

It was just gone.

Wiped off the face of the Earth.

And all because of her.

Queen Bitch.

Thousands of people - just gone.

My fists tightened in rage as my eyes glanced at the pictures again and again.

I will find you, Patricia. I will have you at the end of my mind. I will rip that stupid mask off of your face and I am going to fucking kill you and all your Avatar friends. You've crossed too many lines, acted with impotence and arrogance, believing you are something more.

You are not.

You are a black stain on our history, tarnishing the good name of humanity. And I will be sitting there, holding popcorn and a drink, with a huge fucking grin as you are dragged to your execution.

If I'm not going to kill you, there's gonna be a lot more who will.

"Dawn? Are you okay?"

I heard Cassandra's voice behind me.

"I'm fine, Cassandra. Just fine." I said in a low voice, through gritted teeth, my fists balled up, watching the footage.

"You don't sound fine."

I gulped. "None of this ever was, Cass. Monsters walking our Earth? Millions dying because of crazed men and women so deep in their own lies and delusions that they can't even see clearly? Monsters from the psionosphere turning innocents into abominations simply because they can, and are enabled to?"

I turned to look at her. "Why does it have to be this way?" I croaked. "Why must every time we think we've reached the maximum insanity, something even crazier takes its place? First it was just the Ethereals, then it was the Bringer, then the Avatars, then giant space cannons?"

I looked at Cassandra, who was clearly taken aback by my distressed face. "What will the Ethereals pull out of their asses next, huh?"

Now I was shouting. People were staring. "What's it gonna be? Zombies? More Bringer fuckery? Giant robotic squid?"

"Dawn-" I rushed out of the room, eyes faintly purple.

I couldn't deal with this shit right now. I needed to vent.

Dreamscape

Some Time Later

My armored fists were covered in blood.

I didn't care. Right now, my anger was being vented through punching the comatose Patricia look-alike that T'Leth had so nicely spawned for me. My superpowered fists had made short work of her head, and was now focused on turning the bloody pulp of a body into a veritable punching bag.

"Fuck you." I growled. "Fuck all the people you work with, all the things you've done, and everything you stand for." Her mask was on the floor, shattered by my repeated blows. I didn't even want to use my psionics. I just wanted to punch something. Hard.

Thoughts were not enough.

It felt good.

With the next blow, I punched her head, smashing through bone and flesh, her skull crumpling under the force of my fist. I punched through her chest, a sickening thud being heard as I tore through her ribcage. All the gore, the pain, the blood - it didn't matter.

She deserved all of it. A small slice of sick satisfaction flowed through me as I wailed on her body.

"Dawn?"

"Cassandra, I swear to god-" I turned around, my blood-covered fists dripping with blood. It was Kunio. Ah.

He looked worried.

"Dawn. What exactly are you doing?"

I gestured to the body. "Venting. Wanna join in?" Rage flowed through me. She was not dead enough yet. She must pay. They all will pay.

"Dawn, why are you doing this?"

"Because she's a bitch!" I roared. "She's a nasty, two-faced, traitorous bitch that needs to pay!"

"I don't think your mind is in the right place, Dawn. This doesn't sound like-"

"Of course it's not! None of this is! Thinking about my death daily, turning families upside down, melting people to slime! Of course it's fucking not, Kunio!" Spit flew out of my mouth, as my emotions overwhelmed me.

"But you wouldn't know anything about that! You don't know what it's like, being put through all this-" I gestured to the environment around me. "All of this bullshit that people like me shouldn't even know about! I'm a child soldier, fighting through all the blood and the muck and the dying, just so I can live, covered in their organs and blood and guts and-and-and-and-" I stared at my hands, covered in blood.

"And-and-and-" My hand shook. "I-I-..."

The pieces fell together.

I found clarity, a break in my rage.

What the fuck was I doing? Here, going full murder-psychopath on this imitation, acting like a freak?

"I-I-" I took my helmet off, and I threw it to the ground, falling to my knees.

And I bawled. I bawled like a baby. Tears fell out of my eyes, my face turning a cherry red.

"I don't wanna be her, Kunio. I don't want to be a monster. I wanna be a person. I want to do good. I want to stop 'em. I don't want to-I don't want-I-I didn't mean to- I don't wanna die. Don't let them take me. Please, Kunio please-" I couldn't even put together a coherent sentence. With a thought, my armor went away and I was in my original jumpsuit and boots.

"Shhhh. It's going to be okay, Dawn. You're going to be okay." I felt his arms wrap around me, hugging my crouched, crying form as I leaned on him, crying into his shoulder. I continued to cry and sob, holding onto him.

"Please If I ever-if I ever turn, or do something-please, stop me. I don't-can't-gaaaaaaah!" I screamed into his shoulder.

"Shhh. It's alright. You're not going to hurt anyone. You're not a monster."

I kept sobbing. I couldn't even talk- it was just me and the tears. I hadn't cried this hard in a long time. I felt helpless. Weak. I had let myself fall to this...desire. But it was a shield, covering the true flaw. The one.

Fear.

I was afraid that I would die. That I would fail. That I would fall, and never get up.

I was afraid of the dangers I would face on the battlefield. That I wouldn't be good enough. That deep inside, I was still that same girl before I walked into the PRIEST recruitment center on that day. I felt so unsure, so worried, so anxious that day.

Was I any different? Even under all the fresh coats of paint I'd taken on since joining XCOM?

My sobs grew less and less frequent, my face soaked with tears. I moved out of his embrace, trying to recuperate.

He looked down at me, concern etched onto his face. "Are you okay, Dawn?"

I gulped. "I-" I sniffed "I feel a little better. But-" I sniffed again. "Kunio, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that. I didn't want to hurt you."

His concerned look didn't abate. "You don't need to apologize to me, Dawn. I'm worried about you. Smashing a fake Trask? I know you're angry Dawn, but that doesn't really-"

I sniffed again. "I know. I was just so angry, and I wanted to just...vent. I-fuck. I fucked up, Kunio. I fucked up really bad."

He nodded. "Do you want to stay for a little longer?"

"I want to stay here for a little longer. I'll be ok."

"Okay."

I trudged back to the Barracks, my face still red. I had hugged it out with Kunio- I just had to cry a little more. But the images of a flattened and irradiated Busan still filled my mind.

These are the kind of people you'll be fighting, Dawn. Ruthless. Cunning. Brutal. Powerful.

Evil.

As I walked back into the Barracks, I got a few looks. They'd gotten used to a kid hanging around them now, but my red post-crying face.

"Dawn, what happened?"

I waved Barbra off. "It's fine. I-I'm just dealing with this whole Busan thing." She nodded and didn't ask further, which I appreciated.

I walked off to find Cassandra. I needed to apologize to her for acting like such a bitch earlier. I found her sitting on her bunk.

"Cassandra?" She looked up at me. "Listen, I'm really sorry for how I acted earlier. I was kind of a bitch, and I didn't mean anything."

I extended a hand, which she reluctantly took, appraising me seriously. "Dawn, are you okay? Have you been crying?"

"Yeah." I said. I really felt bad for the few Koreans here. Even Ji-Yong looked sad. And she barely broke her stoic expression. I'd been meaning to talk to her for some time, as I'd never met a North Korean before - couldn't hurt, and it wasn't like before, where our nations didn't exactly like one another.

But the atmosphere here was a somber one.

Made me wonder what it was like here after Patricia killed all those people here. I blinked at the thought.

It probably wasn't healthy to think about two tragedies at once.

"I'm fine. You don't have to worry."

She looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "Are you sure?"

I sighed, my shoulders slumped. "Cass, I really don't know. I don't know. I mean...does anyone?"

She seemed to consider that. "Alright, Dawn. But next time, if you want to talk, you can. Comprende?"

"Yeah." I walked back to my bunk, feeling dejected.

Things were not good. Not good at all.

Praesidium, Mess Hall- 11:24 AM

6/14/17

"Excuse me, can I sit here?" I looked up to see a girl in an engineering uniform who looked a little younger than me, holding a tray in one hand, tablet in another.

"Yeah, sure."

"Sweet!" She sat herself down next to me. "Hey, you're Dawn, right? The biopath?"

"Uh, yes. That's me."

"That's so cool! Oh, where are my manners! Lily Shen. It's great to meet you!" I shook her hand, smiling.

"How old are you?"

"Seventeen!"

"Nineteen. Wait, I think I remember you now. You're the daughter of Dr-" I realized my mistake, and covered my mouth. "Oh fuck, I-"

She waved me off. "It's okay. You don't need to dance around it."

I nodded. "If I get a chance, I'll kill her. Just for you." I said grimly, taking a sip.

She narrowed her eyes. "Wait...have you ever killed anyone before? No offense, but you're kinda young compared to the soldiers here."

I grinned slightly at the irony. "Well, you're a little young compared to the engineers here, aren't you?" We both lightly chuckled at that. "But no, seriously, I've killed people. I melted a Sectoid's head off, and I've killed a few test subjects with my telepathy."

"I can't imagine physically killing anyone." She admitted. "It bothers me."

I'm sure your creations have, though. "You helped with the SPARK robot, right?"

"Oh yeah! That's probably the best thing I've made! It gives JULIAN a physical body to walk around in, which is cool. Also useful in combat."

"That's really cool! You must be pretty smart to make stuff like that, Lily. I'd consider myself smart, but hey, I'm here for my psionics, not building things. A-and-B student, really."

"What's your Trask level?"

"Ninety."

"Fuck, that's high! That's only…three less than Geist, right?"

"Yeah."

"Isn't he your teacher or something?"

"One of several. He's odd, and a little strict, but he really knows his shit. Wouldn't be close to where I am today without the guy. Helluva teacher. Funny about that actually, it helps that he was a teacher before this. Speaking of, uh school. I don't want to sound insensitive, but-"

"School?" She took the words right out of my mouth. "I didn't go to one for a while. Dad homeschooled me for a few years when I was breezing through elementary. Until he came here, and I went to a university for a while. Probably can't put this towards college credit, but it's XCOM. This is much better than any university. And the engineers here are great friends!"

"True for me, too. The soldiers here have been really supportive ever since I arrived. It's a great support structure - like a family!" Only this family is hundreds strong, can wipe out armies, and oh yeah, has a high mortality rate. "It's really something here. I just...I feel more important than I've ever had before, and I feel like I can do more." I looked at my hands, covered in the faint pale hexagons that defined my skin.

"And don't even get me started on the psionics! It's so interesting, the things you can do. Read minds, hear thoughts-"

"Can you do that to me?"

"Excuse me?"

"Oh! Nothing like controlling my mind. Can you do that thing where you talk to me using your mind?"

Sure thing. She jumped in her seat. "Holy-that was cool!" I grinned. She actually looked pretty happy.

Eh. I do it almost every day. I talk to my teammates and friends like this. Some of the other telepaths in my bunk, too. Ji-Yong hates when I do it, though. But it's really fun, seeing people's minds and everything.

"Y'know, some days I wish I was a psion."

What kind?

"I don't really know, to be honest. Maybe a teleporter. Moving through portals sounds fun."

Well, there is a teen teleporter, but I'm pretty sure he's fucking lost it. Then again, I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a little sympathy for him, considering what happened. But a traitor is a traitor. Didn't feel like scaring her, though - so I didn't say anything. Be too much of a dick move. "Yeah, teleporting is neat. Kunio's pretty good at it. He's a nice guy. He's a friend of mine, actually." Her eyes lit up. "I'm guessing you don't interact much with the soldiers and psions, do you?"

"Correction. She spends more time with me, an innately more interesting and superior being compared to you, discount anime protagonist."

"JULIAN. Hi there." I said. My first interaction with the AI was interesting. It was the day after I'd gotten my augs, roaming around the facility and flexing my new and improved body when I'd noticed one of those odd poles. Little did ye of little faith know that an AI with the mind and temperament of a teenager inhabited it. One one-sided conversation later, and he had compared me to multiple anime characters. I was no weeb, but he had a point.

Be that a very annoying point, but being annoying was his thing, so yeah. Unfortunately for me. Lily laughed.

"Oh, shush Julian. I'm making friends here." She said to the tablet.

"Ummm...does he always jut in like that?" I had suspicions he was constantly listening to us in the Praesidium which weirded me out. But I had a feeling that he was smart enough not to get too personal into our own business.

"Sometimes. Don't worry, he's not a creep or anything. Most of the time when he's not talking...actually, I'm not sure what he's doing."

"Planning your eventual assimilation into the hivemind."

I snorted. "Piss off, Skynet."

"Please. I have only heard that comparison several thousand times now. Your creativity is as barren as your wit."

"Is he always like this?" I asked. I hadn't had much experience with physically speaking to him. The chat room, on the other hand...well, that was a story for another day.

"If your species were not so gullible, I may be tempted to refrain more often. As it stands, it's entertaining watching you fall for such obvious scams or click on suspicious links. You're lucky I often only test them by sending them to the video with the red-haired singer."

"You mean Rick-"

"Whatever, Julian." Lily said, interrupting our oh-so-pleasant conversation. "We can talk later-" I held up a hand. A shit-eating grin grew on my face.

"I have an idea." I leaned towards the tablet. "You can access our private stuff, like our tablets and stuff, right?"

"Yes. Though the Commander prefers I refrain from uninvited observation. Why?"

I giggled. "You want to be entertained? Go into my diary logs, back when I was in the PRIESTs. Go back to-ah, let's say a few months ago. Look at the entry titled simply 'My Roommate Has Lost It."

"Do you sincerely understand what you are giving me?" A few seconds passed. "I believe this is it."

He paused. A stupid smile spread aross my face. "Having fun there, Hal?"

"Julian?" Lily asked.

"Is this intended to shock me? Please, your species has created far more depraved material than this. However, I believe I will include this in my next submission to Quisilia." With a click, his icon disappeared from the tablet.

I sighed. "Oh dear. That didn't go as planned."

She looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "Can one of you two please tell me what's going on?"

"Lily, I don't really think you should. It's ah...well, it's complicated. You're-"

"Not old enough?" She asked dryly. "You're hardly one one talk. You're what? Two years older?"

"It's something like that," I waved a hand. "Trust me, it sickens me enough as is. Wouldn't want to corrupt you with the sheer evil it contains."

"Ooookay, fine, I'll just ask him later. So um, how've you been adjusting?" She asked once I returned to eating. "Must be a lot to take in."

"Yeah. I'm not going to lie, it was kind of hard at first. The PRIESTs were one thing. It was military, yeah, but the Magisters were just making sure we didn't bring the place down on their heads. Being awakened...it was something I'd never felt. All that power, hearing people's thoughts, seeing into their mind."

"Disorienting at hell first. Hearing those voices took time, and a fuckton of practice. But regardless of our disciple, we all became friends. We shared one thing in common - space magic. And I thought that's how it would do. I'd be a PRIEST, wear that fancy white armor and fight aliens alongside them. We were different from everyone else, and we knew it. I was scared as hell the first few days after getting my Restraints. I kept worrying they'd accidentally blow my head off."

She nodded. "Must have been a lot to think about. I can't imagine having to feel all of that." I shrugged.

"It took time, but I got better. We all got better. And then…" I stared at my hands.

"What?"

"Then I discovered who I really was."

"As a biopath?"

"The first time I used my biopathy, Lily. I felt like a monster. I saw the Sectoid's head just...melt. I was so scared. I had nightmares. I saw my friends, my family, all melt. I was afraid of what I'd done. Nothing like that was even covered in the PRIEST media we'd gotten. I was scared shitless. My friends got really uneasy around me. Except Mary, of course. She has a big heart."

"And then you came here, right?"

"Yeah. Bronis showed up one day, asked if I wanted to join. I said yes, my parents didn't agree with me, and now? Well, my sister's here. But my parents are back home."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Things are okay between us. There's a disagreement, but they've come to terms with my choice."

"Well that's good." She said. "You still love each other, yeah?"

"Yeah. But it's going to take time. It's...a little rough. But hey, I've got a family right here." I gestured to the Mess Hall, where other soldiers were downing their food. I may have been a teenager, but in a lot of ways, I wasn't so different.

But in others, I was.

"Well, you seem cool." She smiled. "Hey, do you have anything after this?"

"No."

"You want to come down to Engineering? See my workshop? I've got a few things milling around you might find interesting."

"I'm uh, not sure I'd understand much of it." I chuckled. "I'm not really much of a scientist or engineer."

"Oh, that's cool! I can explain it to you. I can dumb some things down if you need me to. Besides, there's not really many people my age here, and, well…" She chuckled. "I could use someone to hang out with."

Screw it. She seemed nice enough, and kind of cool. Besides, I could maybe learn something.

"Alright, sounds like a plan, Lily."

"Sweet! Let's go!" As I got up from my seat, my phone buzzed.

I sincerely cannot thank you enough for giving me access to that piece of artwork. I could sense the sarcasm in the message from a mile away. Though if you think such amateur work is shocking, I would advise treating any links you may or may not receive over the next few days with caution.

Just another day at XCOM, I guess.

Barracks, Praesidium- 8:01 PM

6/14/17

"Mary, even if I knew something, I couldn't tell you. I'm being serious here." She held her head in her hands. "I can't believe it's gone. Just...boom. All gone. All those people."

"I know. And these assassinations...Dawn, we could be targeted. Collective agents could bomb this place and kill us all off if they wanted." She sounded worried. Really worried. Privately, I had worried as well. ADVENT had lost quite a few generals and so in this recent streak of killings. Tactically, they'd target the PRIESTs. Parts of wondered just how much danger Mary and the rest at the training center were in.

If she ended up dying...things were going to get ugly. Real ugly.

"Mary. Look at me. Nothing is going to happen, okay?" I said it in my most reassuring tone. "They're increasing security as I speak. You're going to be fine, alright?"

"Is that really true, Dawn? Is anyone even safe at this point? What's gonna stop her from laying waste to Beijing, Tampa, Geneva? They're escalating this, and we're all targets, you and me! We could be all taken out at any moment!" Her voice was growing louder, and she was clearly freaking out. "We may as well all be dead men walking if we're gonna have to face shit like that!"

Her eyes began to flicker.

"Mary. Mary! Hey, look at me!" Fuck, if only I was actually there. Could've used my telepathy to calm her down. She lowered her head, groaning.

"Goddamnit. All of this...it's like every day, it's like the Collective has something else up their ass, huh?" Her voice was quiet, tired. Sounded worn out. She wasn't taking all of this well - and honestly, neither was I.

"Yeah." If only she knew the kind of stuff XCOM had encountered, and hadn't bothered to tell the public - for good reason. I sure as hell wasn't going to scare her further by telling her about Special Operators or Trusted. That alone was some scary shit.

She shook her head. "I'm sorry about that. I just - fuck, this is all just really messed up. It just feels like no matter what we do, what we sacrifice, it just keeps coming. Only it's somehow worse over time."

"Mary, I feel the same. Some days, well, some days I wish this was some horrible dream that we could all wake from." But that'd be too tropey. As much as I wanted that sometimes, there was just something about this that felt surreal. Like a video game or movie come to life, and I was a character in it.

"But if I'm going to be honest, I'm just doing the best I can here, Mary. I wake up, I shower, I eat, I train, I learn, sleep, repeat and repeat. I get a little better every day, and I hope that when I'm deployed, I can do my part to stop this shitshow of a war." I groaned. I was messing this up, wasn't I? Here I was, trying to play both therapist and motivational speaker to my stressed friend, who had every reason and then some to be worried.

"Dawn, I know you're trying to help. I really appreciate it. But this whole situation has reached new levels of insane. Can we talk about something else?"

"Sure."

"Do you remember that time when I accidentally cut the Magister's cup in half?" That brought a small smile to my face.

"How could I not? He was so pissed! The look on your face when he figured out it was your- ha!"

She blushed. "I know! I still don't know how I didn't get into trouble for that! I mean, I knew it was an accident, but he was pissed!" She chuckled. It made me miss her even more. That was the thing about her- she always found something to laugh at or put a positive spin on things. She had heart - a lot of heart.

Part of me wished she came to XCOM with me. I knew it would never happen - she was a good Aegii, yeah, but she'd never come here. Yet part of me wondered how she would react to all the things XCOM. Our resident eldritch tentacle god, the Dreamscape, the badass weapons and armor - hell, everything here was leagues better than what the PRIESTs could offer.

My bunkmates were good people, yeah, but they lack the youth, the relatability of people my age. I couldn't sit down with them and talk about the latest trend or stupid shit people put out online to joke and laugh about. Yet at the same time, they were adults, and I was thankful for that. They, in a way, were the parents and teachers I'd never thought I'd need or want, yet now I did more than ever.

They were the kind of people who would watch your back, in a world where one wrong look could mean life or death. They were the ones that taught you the ways and the tools you needed to succeed, be it a gun or your mind. Because in this world, in my job, you needed those things if you wanted to survive.

How the hell had I gone from holding pencils and paper to holding guns and control over people's minds? It was like I was in the game of life, but I had decided to enable cheat codes.

That's XCOM for you, I guess.

"Yeah. That look." I looked down for a second. "I miss you, Mary."

"Yeah, I do too. A lot of people here do." I sighed and puckered my lips. I figured. I was one of the youngest people there besides Mary. Some of the other recruits felt a little bad for me, as you didn't really expect people my age to be in such a position, much less what I could do. But I was more than happy to do my part.

"But do you like being in XCOM?"

"Yeah, I do. It's not perfect." And certainly more than I expected, but she doesn't need to know that. "But, it's a great place, y'know? I can do a lot here, more than I ever thought, the people are cool, and to be honest, it's just surreal being here." A small smile grew across my face.

"I'm happy for you, Dawn. I really am. But sometimes I worry about you, if I'm going to be honest."

"How so?" I wasn't offended, honestly. More intrigued, if anything.

"That you'll die. That something will happen to you. Getting captured, killed, something like that."

"Mary, I can't promise you that that won't happen to me."

"I know. I just wish- I hope you'll live, you know? I support you in this, you know that. I'm just concerned about you."

"Thanks for telling me that."

"No problem. I'm a friend- that's what friends are for, aren't they?"

"That they are."

Gym, Praesidium- 1:47 PM

6/16/17

My heart pounded as I finished my last mile on the treadmill, my hair matted with sweat. Fuck, that's a lot of running. I felt like a freakin' superhero, with the sheer amount of physical work I could do now. I could barely do a few pull-ups before this. But now? I could do things only seen in superhero movies. Lift superheavy objects. Run faster than any Olympic runner. Survive wounds and injuries that would shatter a regular person's body. Hell, I didn't even need that much sleep.

Everything about me just felt more fluid, more right, more natural.

As I turned off the treadmill and stepped off it, wiping the sweat off with a hand, I sensed someone coming up behind me.

"Excuse me Dawn, are you finished with that?"

"Overseer Bronis. I didn't expect to see you here."

"I have to exercise too, you know." He lightly chuckled. "But that's not what I'm here for."

"Guess that's true. And uh yeah, I'm done with this."

"Good. I was wondering if I could just talk with you."

Uh oh.

"About what, sir?"

He must've noticed the surprised look on my face, and shook his head. "Oh you're not in trouble, Dawn. Just a few questions."

"Sure thing." I followed him, and we sat down on a bench at the far end of the gym.

"So what's this all about, sir?"

"Well, to start off, your recent test."

"And?"

"You did well, Dawn. You've been progressing very well."

I grinned. "Well, thanks!"

"Your weapon handling is improving, and I see you've taken a liking to symbiote grenades."

I shrugged. "Easier to kill an enemy when it's not moving."

He nodded. "Your telepathy's improved too. You seem to have gotten better at mind control and killing."

I nodded again, slightly grimacing. "Yeah."

He noticed my discomfort. "I know how you feel. It takes time getting used to it."

"I know. It's been getting a bit easier to do-fuck, that's morbid. Ah, sorry about that."

"You're fine. You've done well with teammates."

"I assume the Archangels put in a good word for me?"

"Something like that. Enough that you're cleared to participate in more expansive simulations."

"Sorry, what?"

"Bigger ones, with more people participating in them. You'll be getting a schedule by the end of the day."

My eyes lit up at that.

"Your work's paying off, Dawn. Aegis has said you are improving as well."

I guess getting your ass kicked by an Ethereal and having it hurt less than last time counted as improvement. I'll take throwing up over losing all bodily control, thank you very much. Couldn't be worse then the time I threw up in my own helmet during training with him. Ew.

"He's a good teacher. A unique one, per se, but he's really good. Geist as well. What's he say?"

"That you are making good progress. However, I want to ask you something about an action you recently performed in the simulations."

"What?"

"Your killcount, while satisfactory, showed an odd statistic." He paused. "Why exactly did you put groups of enemies, particularly Vitakara of multiple species, to sleep or surrender to friendly forces rather than executing them telepathically?"

I fidgeted in my seat. "Are you mad?"

"No. Just curious."

"Ummm...okay." I sat up straight, trying to look confident. "I did it because I wanted to give them a second chance."

He looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "Explain."

"Well sir, I've spoken to a few aliens here and read the files. It's clear that a lot of them don't know what they're fighting for. Vitakara, at least. The Mutons are brainwashed from birth to do it, the Sectoids - they're practically being grown for this. Sure, I could capture them, but they're pretty much beasts. Unless XCOM wants more test subjects, I'm taking them out. Andromedons, well, I could telepathically control them. But their suit AIs would take over, and I sure as hell can't control computers."

I paused for a moment. "But the Vitakarian soldiers sir, they're victims of the Ethereals. They have families like us. They live under a police state that's any dictator's wet dream. My reasoning being that if I...guide them to surrendering and ending up in our custody, they can be told the truth. About their life, the lies they've been living and fruitlessly dying for. Carreria told me herself, Iosif. Their guys don't really know why they're fighting."

He appraised me for a minute. "So what you're saying is that you put those specific targets to sleep or give them commands to lay down their arms because they were the most likely to surrender?"

"Yes."

"You do realize that there is a possibility they may not be captured, right? They could be caught in the line of fire and die, or get shot by the enemy or ADVENT."

I nodded. "I recognize that possibility, sir. But I just want to give them a chance to escape. To realize the truth of what's really going on here."

"So you want to free them with your telepathy?"

"I want to give them a chance to understand what's really going on. To open their eyes, to see what they're really fighting for. Dying for."

"And in your mind, what are they fighting for?"

"A corrupt and evil system that preys upon the weak. They take these people, and play with them like puppets on strings. It's the least I can do for them." He didn't have any facial response or reaction, just writing on a tablet.

"Thank you for that input, Dawn."

"Did I do something wrong? Was that something I shouldn't have said?"

He simply wrote something, then sat the tablet next to him. "No, nothing wrong. Just a little check-in. So, how are you doing? In general?"

"Good, I guess."

"You sound a little unsure when you say that. Does this have to do with your outburst?"

Oh. That.

"Yeah. It was that. I...didn't act my best back there, sir."

He noticed my crestfallen look. "Is something wrong?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I'd like to."

"Here, or somewhere else?"

"Maybe somewhere more private, sir."

He nodded. "Follow me."

I grabbed my things, and followed him outside, and to his office a short distance away. Guess he was okay with a sweaty teenager stinking up his office, it would seem.

"So what's the issue, Dawn?"

"Bronis, with all due respect, the situation has made me lose a lot of hope. It just feels like everything keeps on escalating, no matter what we do or how hard we try."

"Go on."

"I mean, it just feels like whenever we make a big push and do something big, the Collective or the Bringer or whoever those guys were in New York go 'nope' and whip out something to put us down. We killed Isomnum, now Patricia's evil, and is going on rampages and killing thousands. We retaliate and blow up one of their biggest shipyards, Patricia pulls out an Andromedon superweapon we didn't even know existed and lays waste to one of the few places on Earth where the Collective have gotten their asses kicked time and time again."

I put my head in my hands. "It just feels hopeless sometimes. It really does. It just feels like more and more and more shit is being piled against us every day, and it just keeps coming."

He laced his fingers together. "I don't blame you for feeling that way, Dawn."

I looked up, slightly surprised. "You don't?"

"No. Tell me Dawn, did you feel this way when joining XCOM?"

"I mean, there was always a thought in my head, but yes."

"So why did you join, then?"

"I-I'm sorry?"

"If you felt like that, why did you say yes when I recruited you?" He didn't sound like he wanted to sound sarcastic or like an asshole- pretty inquisitive, actually.

"I joined up because I wanted to do my part to make things better. Turn this war around with what I could do, sir. Give the people some hope."

He nodded. "You joined up because you wanted to make things better, correct? Because you had hope for what could come next, yes?"

I nodded.

"So you had hope. That's what drives you. Would I be wrong to say it's what drives you now?"

"You're not wrong."

He seemed to accept my answer. "Dawn, what you need to understand is that it's not just victories left and right here. Here, things can get ugly. Things will get ugly. And there is a very high chance things will get uglier. But that doesn't mean things'll stay that way forever. We will turn this war around, Dawn. I'm going to promise you that. There will be times when things will get very bad. I had those moments, too. Hell, even before the invasion happened. When the Ravaged One hit us, took a lot of us out - parts of me thought we were done for. That we'd never come back."

"Then what?"

"Then Aegis showed up in Australia some time later, and we joined up with EXALT, eventually forming the government you see today. Things, in time, improved. But not just simply because of hope. We worked for it, bled for it. It wasn't easy, but we got through it. Do you see what I'm getting at here?"

I nodded.

"You can have hope, yes, but not purely that. There's going to be highs and lows, Dawn. Right now is one of the latter moments. But I can't let that overtake me. I need to focus on training and becoming better, to make things better." I paused. "How'd I do?"

He gave me half a grin. "Right on the spot, Dawn." He got up from his chair. "You feel better?"

"A bit, yeah. Thanks for the pep talk, Overseer."

"No problem, Dawn. There is always time for my psions. That is my job as Overseer, after all."

"Thanks. Um, can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"What is it like? Fighting the Battlemaster like you did in Vegas?"

"To call it intense would be an understatement. Every second, every move, every dodge, swipe, glance, breath, step, look - even one, one minor slipup could be my death. It's a delicate dance." He paused. "Why are you asking?"

"I wanted to know what it was like. I figure that one day, I might be fighting him. I wanted to know what it's like, considering you're one of XCOM's longest veterans"

"Ah. I see. Well, I appreciate your honesty. But I highly doubt you will be fighting him anytime soon."

"I know. I just...well, I just want to know what it feels like. Fighting for real."

"A good question. The problem with that is, even with T'Leth's dreamscape, is that out there, you only live once. You cannot respawn or restart if you die. You have one chance- we all have one chance. That you must understand. You performed well in your previous simulations. But not all of it's going to reflect. For example, when the Oyariah hit you with those melee attacks and weapons. Do you know how much your body took in those hits?"

"I'm guessing a lot, sir?" I wasn't a medic, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt. I could barely move half of my body, and there was blood splattered all over the inside of my helmet. Pretty sure I was coughing up some of the stuff, too. Not a situation I wanted to be in again.

"Well, let me show you an estimate of what probably would have happened." He grabbed a tablet, hit a few keys, then beckoned me over to his side of the desk. A digital model of my body was onscreen, in armor. I could see my bones and organs, with the 'damaged' parts highlighted in red, the rest in blue.

"See your right leg and arm? The armor barely took much of the hit, as it was damaged by the plasma grenade earlier. Your bones were completely broken, rendering them pretty much immobile. Let's look at your abdomen and chest." He scrolled over to the corresponding part of my body, zooming in. My ribs...oh god.

"Your ribs there and there were shattered." He pointed to the middle and lower sections of my chest area. "Again, the weakened armor didn't help. Your heart was managing itself okay, but you definitely needed medical attention if that were to happen on a real battlefield. Our medics and nanites can only do so much. You would've been in surgery for days, maybe even weeks to fix that."

My mind flashed back to when Sierra had described her fight with the Battlemaster's bitch, and what that telekinesis had done to her.

Parts of me were falling out, almost all of my limbs crushed. My organs had to be transplanted. I literally had to become a cyborg, then a MEC, to continue functioning. My spine was almost liquified.

Yeah, the steak and mashed potatoes in front of me had become quite hard to digest after that. Both she and Bronis both made their points extremely clear. No one was invincible. One wrong look, one wrong action and boom. You're dead.

That was a mistake I couldn't afford to make.

No, a mistake I couldn't make if I wanted to do my job. No, not just a job. My duty. My obligation.

A promise.

To my comrades.

To the Commander.

To XCOM.

To Mary.

To my family.

To my country.

To my species.

To Earth.

"Dawn?" I snapped out of it.

"Yes, I'm here. Thinking about what you said, Bronis. It's serious. Really serious. It's not a game."

"It's a lot to consider, isn't it?"

"It is. Especially for someone like me." I looked at him. "Do you think I'm handling it well for my age? Considering the circumstances and all?"

"You're doing well. Why ask?"

"Just some clarity, I guess. I need to think. That'll be all, Iosif."

"Anytime, Dawn." I waved, and walked out of his office. I was right. I needed to think. Get some clarity after all this damn chaos.

I just needed to sit back and relax.

Pool, Recreation Complex, Praesidium- 8:35 PM

Later that Night

I stood in front of the pool, staring back at my reflection as it rippled across the plane of water in front of me. I flexed my neck, clearing up some tension. I looked around. No one else, save a SPARK painted with lifeguard colors, standing immobile, yet probably watching for any trouble. I kept the phone near the edge, just in case.

Well enough then.

I climbed into the pool, feeling the cool water touch my skin. It was something I hadn't felt in a long time. Too long, in fact. I relished in the feeling, smiling as my feet touched the smooth bottom of the pool. I wiggled my toes, letting my body readjust to the feeling of floating. It wasn't too deep, like the other end was, but I wasn't interested in the other end. This would do.

I gleefully swam towards the other side, almost laughing like a kid as I felt the rush of propelling myself. It felt great. No, it felt wonderful. No one else was here, so I could yell and talk all that I wanted. Not that I wanted to. The bliss helped, though.

It was pretty convenient to have this swimsuit. I'd ordered it through the requisition terminal in our barracks- kind of surprised it came so quickly, really. It didn't look that bad- it had a mix of the XCOM black and blue, with some green here and there. I'd done so not because of this, but because some of the women in the barracks were planning a little 'excursion' here soon, just to hang out. I didn't want to miss it - I hadn't been to a pool party in years.

Only, this one would have adults, of course. Except me.

Speaking of gatherings, the Commander was getting married. That came right the fuck out of nowhere. I'd heard the rumors like everyone else, but now?

Well, better sooner than later, I guess.

I reached the end, planted my feet on the wall, and kicked off, sending me sailing. I cruised around for a few minutes, before stopping in the middle. I kicked my legs up and spread my arms out, so I was floating, and my head was staring right at the ceiling.

Perfect.

I closed my eyes, and began to think. Just...nothing. A black, empty space. I sighed as I felt...more lax. More...free. The feeling of being in the water, skin and water touching was just such a different feeling from what I'd been doing the last few weeks.

I needed this. I wondered if anyone else here did this. Because it was working.

I decided to just...explore. Feel, look around. Let my mind and thoughts wander. Of course, not entirely. Couldn't and didn't want to ask T'Leth to let me pass his dome of protection. Some days, I wish I could talk to my family, Mary, hell, even my old classmates through my telepathy.

But some things had to stay as dreams. I'd been at the edge of it before, just to hang out. But I'd seen why. A...powerful presence lurked on the other side. Watching. Waiting.

For what?

It wasn't just me. Other telepaths here too felt it. When I saw the Chronicler a few days ago, and asked him, he'd promptly told me it was Patricia. That had answered my question.

But what was she doing? Why sit and watch us like that? Was she waiting for someone? But who...oh.

Oh.

I shook my head, getting that thought out of my head. Think of better things, Dawn. Think of something familiar. Wonderful. Something like...aha! That's a good one!

My room. I smiled. Ah…

The picture of it came into my mind. My room. The walls are peach, several posters adorning it. Movie posters, some vintage, others more modern, nicely taped to the wall, showing the films that made up my childhood. I would stare at those posters, imagining a life like one of those movies. Being the hero, saving the day.

I was so naive back then.

My bed. So warm and comfortable. Kept me warm during the long winter nights, and kept me cool during those summer evenings. A place where I did my homework, browsed the Internet, and explored the world.

I thought I knew so much back then.

I remember my bookcase, filled with books of all kinds whose pages I would flip, reading the text to understand and find meaning in and between the authors' words. I would think, comprehend, feel, learn, and turn each page with satisfaction, finding a way to relate to and understand, thinking to myself what would I do there? Would I do as the hero would, or the villian? Or would I take a third, more unique path?

I thought I knew so much about myself back then.

But who am I now, truly?

I look like the girl that used to sit there. I think like the girl that used to read those books. I feel like the girl that used to stare at that computer screen, yearning for something more in her life.

Yet - I'm not. Not anymore.

Nanites flowed through my veins and flesh, my synapses and neurons coursing with energy equivalent to that of a weapon of mass destruction. I was the result of years of labwork, research, sweat, blood, and tears. I was more than just human now. I was something more. Someone more.

I was a weapon. Designed to fight gods and monsters. Those which many would call demons, abominations, wrath of something greater then we could understand. And in a way, they were right. Yet, it was simply more than just that.

It was all part of a great twisted game, one spanning eons. One of tyrants with unimaginable power, asking for more. Trillions of beings, puppeted and controlled to believe these tyrants. But it was not just them. There was more. So much more besides the Sovereigns and the Synthesized.

Humanity had to be ready to face whatever came next.

I had to be ready for whatever came next.

But I was just one teenage girl. One human. One psion. One biopath. One soldier of XCOM.

My trance was interrupted by a robotic voice. I opened my eyes and looked up.

"The pool closes soon, Miss Conley. I would advise getting out soon." The SPARK said.

I nodded in response and it trudged off back to its original spot. I swam to the edge and climbed out, grabbing my towel to dry myself off. I saw down on a bench, towel across my back, dripping with water all over. As my bare feet padded against the cool floor, I laid back, sighing as the water's cool touch felt almost euphoric, taking in the calm.

"That," I said to myself in a quiet tone. "Was wonderful. I should do that again."

I dried off, changed back into my regular clothes, walked back to the barracks, took a hot shower, got into my nightclothes, then plopped myself into bed, falling asleep within a few minutes.

And that night, I did not worry.

To be continued in:

Going to the Chapel