Dreamscape

8/2/17- 11:32 AM

It wasn't every day you got a one-on-one session with a Sovereign Agent.

Not just any Sovereign Agent - one who had the guts to take Patricia on and survive.

I, of course, was talking about Fiona Dorren.

And being the nice friend of a friend she was, she was going to give me a personal lesson about the first addition to my rogue's gallery Sicarius, and her friend.

I was waiting for her in the Dreamscape, sitting cross-legged on the floor and leaning against the obsidian-black wall, dressed in the same clothes I was wearing in reality, this being sneakers, shorts, and a t-shirt. As much as I liked the armor and its undersuit, I felt that walking around in the almost skin-tight yet comfy bodysuit felt a bit revealing, and the armor...well, as cool as it was, sometimes normal clothing fit the bill.

She appeared a moment later, in her stone armor with her sword on her back, carrying her helmet in her hand. I stood up to greet her.

"Hi, Miss Dorren." I extended a hand. We'd never really 'met' or had a one-one-one conversation outside of the first time I came to XCOM, and her sitting in the background while I hung out with Kunio.

She smiled, shaking my hand. The stone armor felt oddly smooth against my skin. "Fiona will be fine, no concern."

"Sorry. Anyways, thanks for coming. I really appreciate it."

She nodded, her tone of voice changing to one that sounded a bit more soft and comforting. "Of course. Kunio seemed concerned when he asked me to help."

"He was." I shuffled my feet, trying awkwardly - and failing- not to sound underconfident. "He's a good friend. First person I told about the...well, you know, the thing."

"Right, and you're obviously worried about it."

"Worried's an understatement, Fiona. I don't know if I should be more worried or play it off for dark humor and wear it as some kind of ironic badge of honor. I've been worried sick about it. I've been having trouble focusing, I keep thinking about it, and fuck, I've even had trouble sleeping. Shit, I had to borrow a friend's sleeping pills just to sleep well last night."

Fiona cocked her head. "That sounds like something you should talk to someone about. I can't help with that."

"I'm gonna talk to the therapist tomorrow, but I just felt it'd be best to face my fears. Hence, this." I gestured with my hands to the Dreamscape around me. "I thought that by talking to someone who's actually fought her and lived, it could help."

She cracked her neck. "So long as you deal with it, then it's fine."

I sighed. "I know. Fuck, I even thought about asking Aegis to erase the memory, but realized how stupid that idea was!" My heartbeat started to pick up, my breath getting heavier. "Ignoring the problem isn't going to fix it, and I feel useless because I can't fight her and I'm putting my friends in danger and-"

"Hey. It's going to be okay."

She walked over to me extending a hand. I reluctantly took it.

"Look at me." She pointed at her eyes, which I looked into her. I couldn't get into her mind, nor did I want to, but I didn't feel a hint of malice or mockery. Her soft, British, voice felt...inviting. Comforting. "It's going to be okay. We're going to figure this out, both of us."

"I…" I stammered. "I don't know if I can. I don't know if I'm good enough for this."

"If you weren't good enough, you wouldn't have taken up Kunio's offer. You could have said no, but you didn't. You cared, and you came here to show that."

I gulped. "Yeah. I guess I did." I said quietly. "I can't beat her."

"No. Not on your own. But you can learn from this."

"Yes. I...I can learn from this."

"Good." She smiled. "Feel better?"

"A little. I'm still- I don't know how to feel. I know I have a lot going for me. I want to get better. I'm not some kind of hero, just a soldier here like everyone else, just a little different is all."

"Well, that's true." She smiled. "A friend never liked heroes. They had a tendency to make enemies and end up dead."

"Hm?"

"Long story, but he was a good man - even if he had a good heart. There was another who had a different idea of heroes. I didn't really care for him, but he wasn't wrong about everything."

"What did he say?"

"That heroes were mouthpieces and figures of propaganda. Heroes were legends to legitimize the rule of others," she said. "He hated the concept entirely. He hated the idea that there were those who deserved more because they had a singular skill or talent others had. However, he did have his heroes, even if he never said it. They were the soldiers on the ground, the men and women who did their jobs without complaint. I can't say I had a good relationship with him - but his view on heroes was one I agree with more than not."

"Huh," I said. "I guess that's one way to look at it."I let out a breath, feeling my heartbeat start to return to normal.

Whew.

She nodded. "Good. Now, are you ready to begin?"

I nodded. "Let's go."

She smiled again. "Very well. For this, I simply want you to watch. Alright?"

"Alright."

With a flick of the wrist, the scenery changed to an apartment complex. There was a parking lot across the street, and there was rubble and debris scattered all over the place.

"Pay attention."

An ADVENT squad ran down the street, yelling incoherently. One of the soldiers was carrying a wounded Officer, the person in question heavily bleeding from her right leg. Behind them, several groups of Mutons followed them, laying down a ton of gunfire.

Are they running from-

With a flash of purple energy, Sicarius appeared.

It's not real, Dawn.

Before she could get to them, Fiona appeared, decked out in her armor, helmet on. She charged towards the Ethereal, making short work of the Mutons, using what looked like micro-teleports to dodge the gunfire, turning the Mutons into hamburger meat with her sword, her suit quickly becoming stained with yellow blood.

The two engaged in what I could only call a teleporting duel; the two danced around each other, using micro-teleports to doge each other's attacks and trying to get a hit on one another. The flashes of green, white, and purple made for a decent lightshow, as Fiona had to drastically slow the footage down- not even my enhanced vision could properly make out what was going on unless the footage speed was slowed to an almost comically slow speed. The duel continued for about another minute, until Fiona managed to get the upper hand by getting a hit on Sicarius's upper left arm. She didn't draw much blood, but she flinched, and that bought all the time she needed.

Fiona teleported again, reappearing behind Sicarius and stabbing her in the left leg, cutting through her armor like it was no big deal. Blue blood squirted out of the wound, as Sicarius roared, pushing Fiona back with a telekinetic attack. With a wave of a hand, Fiona pulled out a Sovereign Orb. Unlike the Dreamscape ones, which were about the size of a large bowling ball, this one was much smaller, like a baseball. When Sicarius saw the orb, she teleported away almost instantly.

Fiona clapped her hands, freezing the footage. "So, first impressions?"

Where do I even begin?

"Uh, well... I noticed those soldiers didn't notice her as she was about to kill them. That was her aura at work, right?"

"No aura is powerful enough to do that- that's something you have to directly impose against someone. Her aura is effective when she is passive and standing still. Doesn't work in a battlefield, thankfully."

"Oh."

"However, it's difficult for her to focus on both that and combat in battle, so you should be able to see her if she attacks - however, again, as I said-"

"I'd probably be dead by then."

She nodded, noticing my tone. "You don't expect to fight her, do you?"

"No. I just want to know all I can about her. If she's going to try to kill me…" I sighed. "I don't know. Maybe I'm just trying to cope with this. It can't hurt to know more."

"I suppose not. But, as you saw, she teleports frequently, which is why I deployed the Sovereign Orb when I did. In Florida, we did something on a larger scale. Me and my fellow Agents dispensed Orbs all over the state. It basically allows for T'Leth to watch over an area, and alerts us if anything happens."She paused. "And that's Sicarius' biggest weakness, She's an assassin, not a warrior like a Guardian or the Battlemaster. She uses hit-and-run tactics, and drawn-out engagements against a prepared force aren't her forte. When she attacks, it's direct, fast, and quick."

"What about preventing her teleportation?"

She shrugged. "Having a large amount of Sovereign Orbs on hand or having the Psionosphere locked down - both of which are very hard to do."

"I see. And her Avatar?"

"Ah, him. Like other Avatars, he's not as powerful, but he is dangerous. However, he usually operates alone, or close to Sicarius. When I fought her, he was not around. He's much younger than the rest, though. Only a few months older than you. But, I did find something."

"Oh?"

The scenery changed again, this time to the bombed-out remains of what used to be a shopping mall.

"Watch closely. This is right after GAIA was activated."

A group of ADVENT MECs were firing on a group of Vitakara. Nico appeared from behind the robots, taking them down with several telekinetic attacks. As the aliens moved on, a large mass of GAIA nanites appeared from around the block. The aliens began to shoot at it, to no avail. The blood of nanites consumed them - one of which was right next to the Avatar. He let out an almost inhuman scream, backing away.

He grabbed his knife and started to stab his right wrist, as if he was trying to cut it off. He was yelling in Spanish, so I couldn't translate what he was saying, but I guessed that he, for lack of a better term, was freaking the fuck out, all the while the nanite swarm edged closer and closer. When it looked like he was about to get eaten, Sicarius appeared and teleported him away.

Couldn't really blame him - I'd probably freak out like that too if I saw a huge swarm of nanites trying to eat me.

"So...he was freaking out about the nanites? Besides, he's not exactly mentally stable."

"You think there could be something to it?" She asked. "Could be something that you could exploit if you had to fight him."

"What, you mean like a weakness?" I asked. "It's not like I'm going to throw nanites at him and he'll just go away."

"It could be nothing." She shrugged. " But it's something you could look into." With another wave of her hand, the scenery disappeared, returning to normal. "So, is there anything else you want to know about her?"

I shook my head. "I don't think so, Fiona. You were pretty straightforward about the whole thing."

"You feel any better?"

"Yeah. I do." Truth be told, I didn't feel totally better, but I felt like enough of the weight had been lifted off of my shoulder to make it not feel like an end-of-the-world scenario.

She patted my shoulder, smiling. "I'm glad I could help. Is there anything you need from me?"

"No. I'm glad to see you're feeling better after New York, though. Kunio's lucky to have you as a teacher."

"Thank you, Dawn. I'm glad Kunio feels that way about me. He's a good student himself, and he's made a lot of progress since he came here. He's a good soldier, and I'm proud of what he's done so far."

"He's a good teleporter." I agreed. "I'm glad to have him as a friend, too."

She smiled. "I'm glad he's been a good friend to you. Having one is good when you're in a situation like yours."

I raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

She waved a hand. "Not important. But I'm glad you're getting the help you need here."

"Thanks, Fiona. I really appreciate it."

"You too. I'll be keeping an eye out for you if anything happens." She winked. "Wish I could be here longer, but..." She gestured to the 'ceiling' of the Dreamscape.

"Sovereign Agent business?"

"Something like that. So long."

And with a wave, she disappeared from the Dreamscape, leaving me alone.

Well, that was something.

All in all, the info hadn't been so much revealing as it has been informative. I knew I couldn't beat her, no chance. But if I had a few more powerful psions or a Sovereign Agent, maybe I could have a bit of a chance. I trusted the Commander to make the right decisions when it came to picking missions for me, but at the end of the day, you can't predict everything in life.

And in a way, that's what made life so interesting. I didn't come out of the womb knowing I was going to have a sister. I didn't go to school knowing I was going to take a more...shall we say unique job opportunity after high school ended that threw pretty much everything I knew out of the window. I didn't spend years trying to figure myself out while the whole time the thing that came to define me was napping within my DNA, waiting for a wake-up call.

And I didn't know that the personal assassin of an alien megalomaniac would ever be sent after me. Actions had consequences, and for better or worse, I made a bed and had to lay in it.

Actions my family had to pay the price for.

Actions my friends had to pay the price for.

Actions I had to pay the price for.

Whether I liked it or not.

Praesidium

8/4/17- 1:07 PM

The Memorial Wall.

A somber reminded that war wasn't all about killing bad guys and saving the day.

Its design was simple: a large wall, currently about as long as an average hallway, with the XCOM symbol atop its middle. Each name was engraved upon a silver-colored bar placed on a white-ish backdrop. I'd heard they had to do some modifications to it after Patricia's attack, on account of the sheer amount of soldiers that had been killed - even XCOM's bloodiest missions paled in comparison to the friendly body count from that event.

Even more than the Ravaged One's attack on the Citadel.

Back in the PRIESTs - and even before that, I'd seen videos of XCOM on the battlefield, facing off against the aliens. We'd all heard the stories of their deeds: taking on Ethereals and their followers, tearing them apart with their augmentations and their powers; like knights of yore, clad in power matched by no one else on Earth, a near-literal embodiment of the ancient war gods civilizations before us worshipped. The Greeks had Ares, the Romans had Mars, the Egyptians had Horus, and the Norse had Odin.

And, in a way, ADVENT had us.

I'd always wondered exactly why a people would need a deity based solely on war. Was it to empower their warriors before crushing their enemies? Was it to humanize the brutality of war, a way of showing the bloodshed and sheer amounts of death humans had reveled in ever since we could walk on two legs and carry a stick, in a more overbearing fashion?

Humans had always fought - there was no denying it. It was simply a matter of the tools used. First the fist, then the club, then the spear, then the bow and arrow, then the sword, then the gun, and now, the mind itself, weaponizing a very fabric of reality to destroy like no weapon before it. With psionics, you didn't need a nuclear weapon to level a city. You could kill everyone in it with a thought, or burn it to the ground with Dynamo psionics.

Time and time again, as humanity progressed through the ages, we unlocked new tools to craft, to forge, to build, and to use for or against one another. We weren't barbarians, however- if we were true barbarians, we would've burned the whole damn planet to a crisp with nukes years ago.

Restraint was important.

Shame there were some people today who hadn't learned that lesson yet.

You and your species had to learn and manage your most basic, primal instincts. Otherwise, you're pretty much condemning your kind to extinction.

Know your history.

Because if you forget it, some idiot will come along and repeat it all over it again.

It reminded me of the War on Terror and the stories my uncle had told me. Well, 'reminded' wasn't the right word. I was pretty young then, learning about it solely through school, the Internet, and my uncle. The brutality of it was on a level no one had seen for years - the mutilations, the child soldiers, the fanatic devotion of the Caliph's forces with religious fervor on a level comparable to that of the ancient Crusades - it seemed like some kind of fever dream when you thought about it.

And then there was the mysterious 'Commander' figure who'd led the response. The crucifixions, the brutal decimation of enemy forces, the complete destruction of the Caliphate's head honchos, and the elephant in the room, the Commander's destruction of Mecca, the holy city that was the heart and soul of Islam.

I heard they'd killed this Commander via lethal injection after his campaign was over. As much as I was glad the Caliphate was gone, I wasn't exactly approving of what he'd done. Part of me was glad this...Commander figure was dead.

Could you imagine what that psychopath would've done if he'd been allowed to live?

Thankfully, XCOM's Commander seemed a lot saner. As symbolic as Mecca was to the Caliph, it was still a historical site, with thousands of years of history behind it. Its destruction was...not something I would've done, but history couldn't be undone.

And then there was discovering the fate of Van Doorn, my uncle's commanding officer. Poor Uncle Frederic had always wondered where he'd gone post - War on Terror. I couldn't tell him - but maybe one day I'd be able to.

But until then, I'd fight, just like he did.

Just like the people on this wall did.

The names on this wall, the ones lost on the battlefield who never came back to us. The representation of the dead, the honoring of their sacrifice, spoke volumes. There were many reasons why it's considered immoral to desecrate a grave or war memorial - honoring the dead was a sign of respect, an acknowledgement that even though these brave men and women had left us, the effects of their actions still walked this Earth, a testament to their achievements and bravery.

I read over the list of names, many which I didn't recognize. Which was understandable - I hadn't been here for that long, and while I knew a lot of XCOM's past exploits, I felt like I learned something new every day.

Let's see...Liam Jaster, Abigail Gertrude, Oliver Ilari.

Now those names I recognized. The first guy died when they took down that Dreadnought fragment over China, the second one died when she committed suicide to avoid giving up some intel, and the third one sacrificed himself to buy the evacuees time when Creed's ex decided to make her break-up with him official.

No one could survive that. I mean, a dreadnought falling on you? Disintegration? That's impossible to live through.

We won't forget what you've done for us.

Ever.

The first two had apparently been OG XCOM soldiers, having been there since the beginning. While Oliver had joined up after Australia, he'd been in many battles - Beijing, South America, Sherman...they'd all seen so much more action than I had. I knew I shouldn't compare myself to them because of the circumstances, but simply being here, seeing their names and knowing what they'd done for all mankind was a strange kind of intimidating. Here I was, standing in the shadows of giants who'd spearheaded some of XCOM's most audacious operations - and paid the ultimate price.

A fate that probably awaited me sooner or later.

So many ways to die now these days. Burned to a crisp by energy from another plane of existence. Possessed by an eldritch being. Getting cut in half by a giant sword. Getting force-choked. It was almost, in a dark way, amusing how many ways you could kill someone now with the rapid progression of our knowledge.

Then again, if you told someone a hundred years ago that Humans would go to the moon, they'd call you crazy. Just how I'd react if someone showed me a picture of...well, me as I was now, clad in armor with my rifle next to me, when I was still in school.

But the overall message of the memorial wall was clear enough.

You could join them one day. But you won't be forgotten.

It made you wonder, though.

What did they fight for?

Well, at face value, that was easy enough. XCOM protected humanity from the alien threat, so they signed up to do just that. Easy, right? Well, no. At first, in the early days, it was that simple. We didn't know they were called the Collective, we didn't know about the Bringer or the Sovereigns- hell, we didn't even know what an Ethereal was.

But, as war does, it changes.

First Nartha, then Aegis, then Caelior...we learned more every time. And as we learned, it got more complicated. The Collective wasn't a unified monolith- far from it, really. Just a group of alliances with the Ethereals being the glue that held it together.

But the hypothetical glue wasn't as strong as it thought.

What are you fighting for, Dawn?

What do you want?

I wanted... hmm.

In the PRIESTs, I simply wanted to use my abilities to protect others. But here, things were different.

And my priorities had changed.

I still served mankind, but in a different sense. XCOM had given me a real purpose, a real meaning in life. For all its problems, mankind had gotten better through ADVENT- but there was no ADVENT without XCOM. Without us, they'd never have gotten into where they were today. In a way, XCOM was more than ADVENT ever was, and ever could be.

We were the progenitors of ADVENT. We were the first ones in this war.

And we would be the ones to end it.

But this war was a trial run, really. As dangerous as the Ethereals were, they paled in comparison to the Synthesized. Much as the Imperator saw them as a threat, he and our resident scumbag traitor didn't see the whole picture. Even if he did defeat us, it was only a matter of time until he pissed off another Sovereign and got the floor wiped with his own corpse.

ADVENT and XCOM, on the other hand? We saw things differently- and had advantages the Ethereal Empire of old never had. We had foresight of what was coming. We had a friendly Sovereign One. We had an advantage, and couldn't waste it. As dangerous as the Collective was, in their desperate attempt to 'break the cycle', they were only going to repeat it. Their Avatars were nothing more than crappy knockoffs of actual Sovereign Avatars like the Chronicler or the Voice. And don't even get me started on using the Bringer.

If...it...got out, it'd gun for everyone. Entire planets turned into copies of Beijing, billions and billions turned into thralls- not a pretty picture.

A picture we had to stop from being made, or else we were all doomed.

But we had a chance, a chance to make a difference. Although by the time we fought the Synthesized, I'd definitely be dead by then. But if we didn't fight now, we'd lose our only chance at getting to fight them on our terms, and not the Imperator's.

And that was assuming the Commander's successors would be as good at their jobs as he was now.

But that's what I wanted.

That is, if we won of course. Seemed like the odds kept on stacking against us every day.

It made one wonder what would come next. Right now we were fighting a defensive war, which made sense. Sure, we could advance, but the Collective outnumbered us in soldiers and resources alike. They'd reclaim it eventually.

But we couldn't be on the defense forever.

So what were we buying time for, then? What ace in the hole was going on in the background they weren't telling us about?

What secrets are you keeping, Commander?

Better be some good ones, 'cause without some, we're screwed.

Wasn't my place to ask about that, though. As the saying went, loose lips sink ships. And if this ship sunk, well then this war would be over before I could say 'Fuck Patricia Trask'.

But I could think about that later- I had a delivery to make.

Barracks

Several Minutes Later

I stopped outside of the Barracks, with the small plastic box in my hand. I wanted to go in, but felt...anxious about it. It's not like I'd get in any trouble for doing so. The rules were pretty lax on people of the opposite sex going into each other's barracks, but people mostly kept it separate. If people wanted to meet up to...well, you know, there were places for that.

I didn't really feel comfortable going in there, as I felt out-of-place, and that a lot of the men there were much larger than me, even more so then the women.

I looked through the door, and rapped on the door. One of the guys noticed me and walked over.

"Yeah?"

"Ah, is Geist here?"

"He is. Why?"

"Can you tell him to come over here? I got something for him."

He nodded, and walked away for a few minutes. Geist came to the door, in a t-shirt with German writing on it, and shorts.

"Dawn. Do you need something?"

"No. I wanted to give you this." I gave him the small box, which he accepted.

"What is it?"

"A gift. Token of appreciation for all you've done for me."

He appraised the box, looking over it. "Follow me then."

I followed him to a nearby table, where we both sat down. Geist opened the box, his neutral look changing almost instantaneously as he gingerly inspected the box's contents.

The contents themselves were pretty sentimental - a picture of me at my high school, my first day of PRIEST orientation, me in my Aurora armor for the first time. Little snapshots of my life, in picture form. Copies, of course. The originals were all backed up on the cloud.

"I figured that after all you've done for me, I thought you deserved something in return. You've helped me grow into someone different, so…" I gestured to the pictures. "I thought you deserved to see me before, well, all of this."

He picked up one of the older pictures, with a much younger me with the family Saint Bernard on my lap. "Thank you, Dawn." His voice was softer than usual. "I appreciate you sharing this with me."

I nodded. "My parents helped out. My mom always knew how to use a camera."

"It seems she did." He put the picture down. "I do appreciate you performing as well as you do, despite my unorthodox methods." He briefly paused. "While I am suspicious if you would have been a skilled student in chemestry, there is no doubt that you would have applied yourself to it well. Your teachers were fortunate to have you. It is more rare than you know to have such students."

I smirked. "I never did like chemistry all that much."

"No, but you understand that your likes and dislikes are irrelevant beside necessity. For that I am thankful, and have acquitted yourself well."

"Really?"

He nodded. "It is unfortunate the war has put you in these circumstances, but you have shown you will be able to handle them. It is fortunate you were the one who was gifted with Biopathic capability. There are many your age who…" he waved a hand. "Would not have been responsible."

I smiled. I pictured one of the jocks or mean girl types from high school being in the same position I was.

What a shitshow that would've been.

"What can I say? I'm glad I won the genetic lottery."

"As am I."

We were both quiet for a moment, as Geist appraised the pictures spread out all over the table.

"Geist?"

"Yes?"

"Whatever happened to that test you mentioned a while ago?"

"Postponed. The Commander will be placing you in some higher-level training simulations in the coming days."

I paused for a moment, considering what he'd just said. "You mean anti-Ethereal ones."

"Yes. Although I will still be involved with your training, you may be seeing me less. You will be working with larger teams and more experienced soldiers. These simulations will be harder than what you've experienced before."

I gulped. "I see. When's it starting?"

"Soon. You will be notified." He paused, looking at the pictures again clearing his throat "Thank you, Miss Conway. Unfortunately, I will need to end this conversation."

"Duty calls?"

"Indeed it does."

"See ya!" He got up and left, but not before carefully putting everything back in the box and closing it, giving me a farewell nod as he walked away.

"Goodbye."

I planned on giving one to Sierra when she got back, since she'd been so helpful with combat and fighting in general. I wouldn't know half of the things I did about how XCOM did their operations. (Hell, probably more than half, to be honest). She'd stuck her MEC neck out for me and had me tag along with her gang of jetpack enthusiasts.

Once she got back from Turkey, I'd give it to her. We did text each other sometimes, though. Mostly her checking up on me, asking how things were, that kind of thing. Though it hadn't been as often in recent days.

She was nice, what could I say?

I planned to give one to Carreria too - when she was off-duty, of course. She'd been on a few missions lately, racking up kills and such. I hadn't had the chance to talk to her, but hopefully I could have a chat with her soon about having a target painted on my back by the Collective.

But I had other things to worry about besides conversation.

Like, say, the news.

I didn't know if - or when I should tell my parents about it. While they had become more supportive of my, ahem, new job occupation, they were still on the fence about my overall activities. I couldn't blame them - even with the other families in the Family Base helping them out, they still had reservations about what I was doing. When they'd find out about this, I had no idea how they'd react. Would they want me to leave for good (even though there was no way in hell I was doing that)? Would they have another fight?

I almost bit my tongue thinking about all the ways this could hurt the already somewhat shaky relationship between them and XCOM. My sister was, thankfully, another story. She was all-aboard with my decision from day one, and had been overall a linchpin in me adjusting to XCOM. Hell, she and Caelior were even getting along. She'd been helping him with the various intacricies of the internet and social media.

Add that to the list of surprises.

I knew I should tell them eventually, but I was still nervous about the actual deed.

And then there was Caelior.

I planned to tell him soon about it, but first I had to worry about myself. In the days following the news, I'd been super anxious. I didn't want it to affect my performance, but really, it could. I knew the best way to cope with it was to try to think about something else, but I just couldn't. He already disliked Sicarius (albeit much less than before), but the big guy already had a lot on his plate psychologically, just like me.

Then again, honesty was the best policy, and lying to him could only lead to bad things.

On the other hand, with some help from Sierra and Ted over a videocall, I'd put a plan into motion to repay Caelior for what he'd done for me recently. It'd take some time, but it was so going to be worth it when it was finished. The gift was getting there - 3D printers were a bitch to figure out how to use, but it would be so worth it to see the look on the big guy's face when he saw the finished product.

As for the second gift, that was much easier. All I had to do was take something already available from the requisition terminal, make a few modifications (thank XCOM's quartermaster section for helping out with that), and now I was just waiting for it to be shipped.

But, one thing at a time.

Therapy Office, Praesidium

8/7/17- 2:32 PM

"I think I worry too much."

Yates looked at me, raising an eyebrow. "Can you elaborate?"

"Sure. I was talking with the Commander, and I kind of vented to him about how I worry about my mind being twisted if I ever got captured. I know that it's never going to happen, but ever since I got here, I have so much more on my mind then ever before."

"That's perfectly understandable. Going from high school to this is a pretty big jump."

"Well yeah, but it's not really just that. I mean, sure, the first days in the PRIESTs were hell for me and everyone else, but I got over it." I ran a hand through my hair. "I think it's the information, really."

"How so?"

"Back in the PRIESTs, yeah, we had lots of information to pour over. But it was pretty basic. Here, there's so much, and it's incredibly in-depth. Stuff on Bringer orders, backgrounds and misdeeds of various races. It shows you just how much of a threat the enemy really is, and that's the scary thing. Back in the PRIESTs, while I had my issues, I was fine with what I had. I could control people and kill them. Okay, simple enough. But when I discovered my biopathy, and came here, it blew the door wide open on everything. I knew the hows and the whys of everything. Why did the Ethereals invade? Here you go. What goes on behind the scenes? Here you go. Why did Patricia betray us? Here you go."

"And that information intimidates you?"

I shrugged. "I don't want to say intimidate - well, I guess it does. But it answers a lot of questions I never had, and some that I never wanted to ask or be answered. And that opens up a whole new realm of information for me. Like, take the Bringer. I haven't fought any Bringer soldiers in the Dreamscape yet, but I'm scared for when I do that when I get into their heads, I might get corrupted. I see Battlemaster footage, and I see how easily he could kill me in so many ways. Shit like that spawns all these anxieties and worries for me, even I know that it's improbable or will never happen."

She took a note on her pad. "So you recognize that a lot of your worries are impossible, or at the very least unlikely, but you still think about them?"

"Yeah."

"Do you think your anxiety is affecting your performance?"

"I don't think so. I'm doing pretty well, and I'm having fun when I do simulations and hang out with my friends. Granted, a lot of them are out there fighting right now, but they're fun people."

"What do you find satisfying and enjoyable about your friends?"

"It's a lot. Sierra taught me a lot about fighting and combat. She's been here for a long time, too. When she's here, she messages me, asking if I want to do a sim with her and her friends. It's fun listening to her stories, you can learn a lot. Kunio...Kunio's kind of like a 'cool uncle' figure to me. He looks out for me, and we talk a lot. He's not someone my age, but he makes a good job of relating to me, and I appreciate that. Caelior...well, he's complicated."

"How so? You don't have to say anything if you don't want to."

"Oh, it's nothing personal." At least I won't mention anything personal. "It's gonna sound weird, but in a way, he's the closest person XCOM has to a teenager like me. He's been through a lot, but he's still young, like me. We don't really do anything in the Dreamscape, but that's not really necessary. I stay overnight in his room. I show him movies-who knew an Ethereal would like Disney movies so much?-we play video games, and we just talk about our lives. Honestly, it's as close to normal as we both can get right now. When we hang out, it's just...calm. No shooting shit, no watching your bunkmates talk about pre-war military experiences and not being able to relate, no killing. Just peace, really."

"So for you, being with him gives you a sense of normalcy because of your relatability?"

"Yeah. He's not one of my friends from high school, but he's the next best thing. Hell, he's better."

"Better how?"

"It's a two-way street there. He teaches me things, I teach him things. He's smarter than I'll probably ever be, and I feel like he gets me better than the adults here. We trust each other, and that goes a long way." I smiled. "That's all I'm comfortable with right now, Yates."

I didn't want to talk about his unmasking or the memory viewing session. I didn't feel like I could explain it right, and I felt like talking about it would betray his trust, due to how sensitive Ethereals viewed that kind of thing.

"That's fine, Dawn. Good job expressing yourself back there."

I almost blushed. "Thanks. I do my best."

She smiled. "I know you are. Now…" She scrolled through her pad, muttering to herself. "I wanted to bring up something you've mentioned previously."

"And what's that?"

"Killing. You've mentioned in previous sessions that you've had issues with it. Now that you've been on several missions, I'd like you to talk about how you feel about the act now."

"Oh. That." I shrugged. "It's a big part of the job, and now that I've actually, well, 'done it', it feels normal to me. Call me desensitized, but now that I've done it in real life, it doesn't really affect me, as pretty much all of my killcount now is Mutons. I see an enemy, I shoot it."

"I see. And you have no reservations about it?"

I shrugged. "I mean, it's not like the Commander is going to order me to kill civilians. Besides, I encountered civilians in Malabo and I wasn't ordered to kill them. And I don't think that any Squad Overseer in their right mind would order us to kill innocents, anyway."

"Understandable. Do you have any concerns about combat besides killing?"

"I mean, I worry about me or my friends and teammates dying. But I guess everyone here does. I have a lot of connections here, which I like. But it also makes me afraid that one day they'll walk out those doors and not come back."

"When you say 'friends', do you think that the friends here are closer to you then in high school?"

I nodded. "That's true. While they're older here and may not get the stuff that I grew up with, it's...complicated. My friends in high school were my friends for different reasons. A lot of us grew up together in the same neighborhood, went to each other's houses as kids, that kinda thing. Lower school, middle school, high school, it was all pretty fluid. We complained about shit, gave each other advice, supported each other when we had to. We weren't blood related, but as they say, you get to choose your family. And back in Nashville, we chose each other. And it's kind of the same thing here. When I chose to join XCOM, I'd be leaving everything behind. And when I came here, I made a new family."

"Your new family being the soldiers you work with?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Which is why after what happened, I'm just...all over the place."

"You mean what the Commander discovered at the negotiations?"

"Yeah. I know the Collective's going to come for me. I thought it'd take more time, but I guess I just do with what I have. I feel like any mission I'll go on in the future is going to automatically endanger anyone else on my team and mark them for death simply because I'm there with them. I know Sicarius can't come here - it's an instant death for her. But out there in the wild- I'm as game as anyone else. Vulnerable. If she comes for me, I can't rely on sheer dumb luck to save me. Unless a Sovereign Agent or friendly Ethereal shows up, I'm dead."

"I understand that. You don't want to endanger your friends further than they already are."

"Yeah."

She nodded. "It's good you show sympathy for your fellow soldiers. However, you must remember that they signed up to join XCOM, and hereby the risks associated with it."

"I get that, Yates. I just feel guilty that I'll be putting another burden on them on top of everything else they have to worry about."

"Are you worried about them maybe rejecting or socially isolating you because of it?"

"I don't know. I'm just afraid that they won't like me for putting even more danger on them."

She wrote more on her pad. "I see. I think I have something that could help."

"Yeah?"

"Talk to some of your bunkmates and friends about this. Tell them how you feel and what you're afraid of."

I raised an eyebrow.

She gave a slight smile. "I think you underestimate your friends sometimes. You are not the only XCOM soldier to be marked for death by the Collective." She put down her pad. "Dawn, I understand this is very stressful for someone, particularly of your age. But you seem to be afraid that the people around you for some reason are going to dislike you for something out of your control. They aren't. The reason I want you to talk to them is to get something from their perspective. You're their friend as much as they're your friends. Being open to them is going to help a lot."

I gulped.

"Sure. I'll do it. I'll talk to Caelior about it, too."

"Are you afraid of him judging you?"

I shook my head. "No, not really. I'm just concerned it might affect his mental state."

"Why do you think that?"

"He doesn't like Sicarius - at least, less than before, anyway. I just don't want him to become more stressed then he already is."

She nodded. "But you're his friend. Wouldn't not telling him hurt your friendship later on?"

"Yeah, and I know."

"I know you're nervous about this, Dawn. But I don't think you're going to hurt Caelior by telling him this. If anything, he's going to appreciate you being honest to him. After all, how would you feel if he kept something like that from you?"

I shrugged. "That's fair."

"But it is good you brought it up in the first place. It shows you care, no?"

"I guess. I'm going to tell my parents about it next week when I have time. I just...need to deal with myself and how I feel first."

"You sure?"

I nodded. "Honesty's the best policy, yeah? Besides, I feel like I should. If I just keep on keeping them in the dark about some of the things I do, that's gonna hurt our relationship even more."

"That's fair. But aren't you worried about their reactions?"

"Yeah, I am. But they're still kind of on edge about me joining XCOM. It feels wrong to not say it."

She smiled, closing her tablet. "Thank you, Dawn. You've made some great progress today."

"I have?"

"Well, recognizing things that we talked about is a sign of good character. Many people would deny having done something wrong to preserve their own ego or perceived self-worth."

"I'm guessing you've seen that in other patients?"

"You could say it that way. Is there anything else you want to talk about?"

"No, not really."

She smiled. "Well then, looks like our session is over."

I got up. "Bye, Doctor!"

"Bye, Dawn."

I walked out of her office, sighing. I promised her I'd find time to talk to my loved ones and friends about how I felt.

Your parents aren't going to hate you for this. The truth is what matters. Caelior's not going to get mad at you. You have to face these things eventually, whether you like it or not.

Alright then.

Had to happen sooner or later, I guess.

Barracks, Praesidium

8/8/17- 4:09 PM

"One does not meet oneself until one catches the reflection from an eye other than human."

You know, I don't think Mr. Eiseley ever expected that quote to ever mean something that literal in such a time and place like this.

I just hoped he would have lived to see this quote mean something...more.

When my English teacher first brought this up in a discussion, I'd be lying if I said it didn't stand out from the other quotes we'd heard. What did it mean? Did 'other than human' mean animals, like dogs or elephants? Was it a metaphor for how us humans, Earth's apex predators, treated beings who were not as developed as us? Was it a sign of advanced intelligence that we created laws and rules treating animals like humans?

Maybe.

It'd be easy to think that with the humane treatment of animals, even teaching some how to use basic tech and communication skills, that'd be the end of it. Rather than brutally culling them and giving in to animalistic instincts, we showed them the compassion we show each other, because it's the right thing. As brutal as we can be, truth is, kindness and compassion is one of our strengths, something that's held us together throughout the ages. From the first tribes living in caves to the one world hyperpower that is ADVENT, the connections and trust we put in another have gotten us so far.

Look at dogs, for example. Way back when, since the first wolf decided to follow humans for its next meal, the co-dependence formed from throwing them a bone ironically became literal. Over thousands of years, man engaged in early forms of breeding and genetic manipulation to create thousands of breeds, tailored to every need. Need a hunter? Done. Need a guard? Done. Need something cute to pet? Done. We turned a ferocious hunter and predator who primitive man feared into a fluffy little cutie who's become our best friend.

But what if a being on or above our level entered the picture? One with their own cultures, religions, and perspectives, who call an alien world their home? One that had a consciousness and sapience on a level that a human could understand, able to perform actions like solving a math problem, figuring out a moral dilemma, finding right and wrong, and so on.

What do we do then?

And that's where I come in.

Me and Caelior are friends - good ones. We've learned a lot about each other, and grown close.

In fact, I suppose one could say I've figuratively caught the reflection from an eye other than human.

Isn't that something?

I have no doubt I've helped him with his mental health. I don't mind him venting to me- why wouldn't I? We understand each other, and in a friendship, that's the best thing you can hope for.

But the most important aspect of it?

Understanding.

The understanding behind what made him him, and how his kind really isn't the best when it comes to the 'it takes a village' trope. He's more than those cheesy action figures ADVENT made of him and just another Ethereal in robes. Like everyone, he learned and grew when given something new. He has a new family now. He's working out his issues, the years of god knows what his people fed him to be a better tool. It's going to take years to fully undo what's been done to him, but damn if I can't say he's made a great start.

Well, maybe not everyone of his race, I guess. Some Ethereals haven't truly learned the lessons and failures of the Empire.

But we can.

Talking to him, seeing his memories - it painted a greater picture of the galaxy for me than I'd ever imagined. Seeing the headquarters of the Maelstroms, the inner workings of an Empire-era Temple Ship, seeing a popular vacation hotspot on his planet; it made me realize there's so much out there to be found, to be uncovered.

As for what he's learned from me?

Well, that is quite the question, isn't it?

You'd think that showing him old Disney movies and talking about your old school life would be boring to someone so intellectually advanced compared to me, but no. If anything, the emotional aspect of things have made him more invested in it. Ethereals aren't on the same level of emotional expressionism as us- some would even say limited, though I'd disagree. The environment he was raised in was different from mine, but in its own way, it failed him. It poisoned his mind with propaganda that he was somehow superior, that his race was superior because of what they brought to the table.

And if we hadn't come along, I suspect he may as well have been killed by one of the Imperator's hairbrained schemes. Hell, he even told me outright that the Battlemaster wanted him dead when he went to fight Aegis.

But I am...concerned about him.

While he still has a ways to go, like me, I fear for what'll happen to him if I am killed. We've only known each other for a short amount of time, but the impact we've had on each other- it's like a bond. We don't have a real one, obviously, and we never will. If anything, the 'bond' is more of a grounded one, a friendship and nothing more.

If I die, I can't begin to predict what'll happen to him? Would he go on an anger-fueled rampage? No, that's...not like him. Not anymore. If anything, it could damage his psyche even more. He could become suicidal. Can Ethereals get depression? I know they can get PTSD, but...he's still young like me. Both of our minds are fragile. I know it'll get better over time, but it's something I can't ignore.

But what happens to me if he dies?

I'll have lost a friend - a close one. I've called him brother, and I meant every word. He's called me sister, and he meant every word. He's a part of my life now. We care for each other, open up to each other. Two peas in a pod.

But I'm afraid of what'll happen to me when he goes.

Will I have a breakdown? Lock myself in the shower and cry my heart out?

I don't want to think about, but at the same time it's something I can't ignore.

I sighed, putting down the tablet.

I think that's enough for today. Maybe next time, I should ramble about something else that doesn't involve your friends dying?

Well, there was a lot to think about.

The negotiations had actually done pretty well, with no fuckups from either side. I was surprised they actually gave the Second Guardian back, but what we got in return was equal to her worth to the Collective, I guess. Every human captive taken ever in the Collective, resources, food for our resident alien defectors, relief on a few fronts, some advanced technology for XCOM, and most notably, a ban on Bringer soldiers and all the fuckery that involved them.

Thank fuck for that.

While I think every human on Earth would be grateful that no more nightmarish abominations would walk on our soil, it made me wonder what the Collective would fill the hole with. Maybe something from Mosrimor, perhaps?

Eh, only time would tell.

The reaction in XCOM was...mixed. Some soldiers approved, others didn't. I knew for sure R&D and Engineering were busting their collective (pardon the pun) nuts over the tech we got. But they weren't the ones on the battlefield who would probably have to fight the Second Guardian again.

Well, add her to the list of who I'd probably fight in an anti-Ethereal simulation.

The public, however, seemed even more divided. While many were thankful their loved ones were coming home safe and sound, many still were pretty pissed that the Second Guardian hadn't faced justice. Countless videos of people whose family members or loved ones had died due to her actions had popped up across social media reacting to her...departure. Lots of crying, lots of anger, and a hell of a storm on social media. Peaceful protests had popped up all across the globe against the decision, with some anger even being directed towards XCOM.

As for how I felt?

Well, I couldn't help but feel slightly betrayed. All that hard work for kicking an Ethereal's ass and she got to walk away scot-free. If I was in charge, I'd have her killed ASAP. Then again, there was a reason - well, many reasons I wasn't in charge here, and probably never would be. I didn't have the guts or tact to make the decision the Commander and his Internal Council made, and my attitude and personality didn't exactly speak 'awesome leader'.

Oh well. I was fine where I was.

I'd talked to Sierra briefly after her mission in Turkey, to help with the...gift I was planning for Caelior. She's fought an Avatar point-blank for the second time, this one being Macula's Avatar, and this time, the Avatar wasn't trying to kill her like Yang in Florida. He'd gone right under her nose and taken a captive, some guy named Kaan, and booked it. Apparently he was backed by some SAS mercs with skulls painted on their helmets.

Edgy.

The new Avatar was interesting. He was Swedish, ex-SOG. Tall and intimidating, a powerful telekine with a thing for axes (really pushin that Viking heritage, aren't we?) and a bit older than the other Avatars. Hammer Chick had instantly taken a disliking towards him (fair), and called him some less-than-complimentary things in Swedish. If anything, he seemed almost as powerful as Yang, only without the fancy armor and immunity to telepathy.

Great. Another traitor to kill. Although I have to give it to Macula for getting an Avatar that isn't just a cheap copy-and-paste of what they can already do.

Bunch of masked freaks, if you asked me.

They say you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but the way I see it, some books shouldn't even be read in the first place.

All in all, things were pretty good right now.

For the moment.

But I knew it wouldn't be like forever, and things could always get worse.

All we had to do was wait for their next move.

The conflict had begun to feel like a constant game of escalation after escalation, with both side holding nothing back. I felt like every day the whole world lost more and more of its mind,

It made me wonder what I would do if we lost.

Would I make some kind of final stand, somewhere? Would I ask T'Leth to take pity on me and hide me somewhere? Would he ask me to join him? Would I go into hiding, maybe on some backwater planet where the Collective would never find me, spending the rest of my days in seclusion? Or would I bite and bullet and end myself, keeping myself out of their hands for good?

All the more reason to do my part, I suppose.

But if this war was going to come to an end, it'd be up to the people in charge to end it for good.

Arms Range, Praesidium Exterior

8/10/17- 12:58 AM

Carreria fired, the shot hitting the target, the dummy falling over.

"Nice shot."

"Thank you. I had a lot of target practice recently."

"You mean the Aui'Vitakar raid?"

"Indeed. Although we didn't capture as many as we believed, the operation was something of success, I suppose."

"Something?"

"The mission went as planned - at first. We got in there, killed some guards and turrets, then got into the meeting chambers. Then Miridian ordered us out, and after the Sovereign teleporter got us out, the whole building exploded."

"Wait, you blew it up?"

She growled, shaking her hairy head. "No. We had no explosives on that level. It had to be some kind of explosive planted under the Aui'Vitakar."

I unclipped my psi rifle, putting it on the stand. "So...who the hell put the bomb there, Carreria?"

"Must have been the Zararch. They must have known we were coming, and let us kill them."

"But why? That makes no damn sense! Why the hell would they let you kill their ruling body?"

"You must remember, Dawn, that the Aui'Vitakar is a puppet government. While they have minor influence, the Zararch holds the real power. Getting them out of the picture would allow them to justify some kind of government 'transition of power' and solidify their hold over my people - as well as to further demonize the Nulorian and Humanity. I do not know if it is confirmed, but it would make sense why the Speaker was not there that day."

Hm.

So, if she's right, Miridian got played like a fiddle.

I shook my head, listening to the desert winds blowing. I'd never been outside of the Praesidium like this before, but it wasn't too bad. The sea of sand dunes around us wasn't a bad sight, too. There was something about just staring at the seemingly endless amount of dunes, with sand and wind blowing from place to place, the whistling of the wind in your ear...something about it was oddly peaceful, a refreshing break from the chaos and insanity that ruled daily life here.

Never thought I'd be saying that sentence ever.

"So...the mission was a failure, then?"

"I have a feeling the ramifications from it will greatly affect my people. I feel like I may have inadvertently helped our enemy."

"Hey, don't be like that." I said, putting a hand on her...paw...hand...whatever you called it. "You couldn't have known about that."

She growled. "I know, little cub. I know. But it still hurts me to think that what I've done will only hurt my people more." She muttered to herself in Borelian, probably a curse word. "But that will come later, I suppose. How are you doing, Dawn?"

"Not that good, I guess."

"How so?"

"Well, let's start out with the fact that the game's up for me. Sana told the Commander at the negotiations that the Collective knows about me, and the Imperator's going to send Sicarius after me."

She blinked. "What?"

"Yep. I wish I was joking, but-"

"Sana'Ligna - the Sana'Ligna- warned you about this?"

I nodded. "She did. I believe her words were, and I quote 'I do not wish for another child to perish in this war.'

She put a paw to her mouth, shaking her head. "Unbelievable. That is...I understand you do not see her in the same view as we do, but alone to be recognized like that by an Elder is-"

She noticed my raised eyebrow. "I apologize. I-"

"It's fine." I said, waving her off. I know you didn't mean anything by it." I chuckled. "Guess I'm something of a celebrity now, huh?"

"Are you using dark humor?"

I smiled. Look who's learning. "I guess. It's been tearing me up recently, honestly. The therapist helped me a bit, and I'm going to tell some of my friends about it- starting with you, I guess." I rubbed my forehead, wiping some sweat off of my face.

"So you want to talk to me about it?"

"I don't. I just wanted you to know, you being my friend and all. Wouldn't feel like being a friend if I didn't, would I?"

"That is fair. You said the Elder Sicarius was coming after you, right?"

"Yep."

"The Reach of the Imperator. I have read about her - the one who wears the Orb helmet. A dangerous opponent indeed. You do not expect to fight her, do you?"

"No - not really. I trust that the big shots of XCOM send me out there with the protection and training I can use to maybe buy myself some time, or delay her long enough so someone better than me can come take care of her."

I thought about what Fiona said to me earlier, about 'keeping an eye out for me'.

What'd she mean by that, exactly?

Was she going to watch me on missions via T'Leth or something, and pop in at my time of need? Be ready to teleport me out at a moment's notice? Or something else?

Questions, questions, and more questions.

"I suppose that is a fair promise to yourself. I can promise you that if I am with you if she she ever comes to attack you, I will do my best to protect you."

"You mean it?"

"Of course I do. Warrior's honor." She stuck out an armored hand. "I promise."

I stuck out my much smaller hand, her taking it and shaking it. I knew she meant every word: I could feel the conviction in her voice as she talked. "It's a promise, then."

"I know it does not mean much, but it's the best I can do right now."

"I know you mean it, Ria."

She chuckled. "You know, when I first heard you call me that, I thought I would find that annoying. But you know what? I like it!"

"You do?"

"My mate wouldn't call me it if I didn't, now would he?"

"Wait, seriously?"

"His sense of humor was one of the reasons I married him. Keeps me entertained every day." She reloaded her gun. "But...I am glad we got lucky, being able to join together. Many other females do have such a respectable vision of our males who join the military. But that is another story. Our marriage has gotten much better since joining, and I think I know why that is?"

"Why?"

"I feel better here than in the Runiararch. More here than I ever did there, actually."

"And why's that?"

"Because, Dawn, I know what I am fighting for. When I was first deployed, we had no reason, no justification. Even our higher-ups knew nothing. It was, at the end of the day, 'because the Elders said so'. And who were we to question them? They were our salvation at the moment of our annihilation, so we figured we owed them. So, we went to the front line, and started killing."

"And after you defected with him…"

"You know the rest. The Sovereigns, Paradise, the puppet Aui'Vitakar: we did not know these things before coming here. Nor does the general populace know, but maybe one day that will change. Before, I killed aimlessly, because I was told to- because I felt like every human I killed would somehow pay the debt I had to the Elders for letting us live and not die out, leaving our planet barren. But now, armed with what I know, I aim to free my people, to perhaps have what we had before the Elders came."

"Freedom from them?"

"Yes. We charted our own destiny, you see. We had our hopes and dreams of going to the stars and crafting our own civilization." She growled. "How naive we were."

"But you'll be killing your own people."

"I already have, Dawn. That is the sacrifice I must make - my kind must make, if we wish to break free of these strings they puppet us on. I may die, he may die, but if in the end our people can be free, if cubs can look outside their homes and know they can live their lives and make their own destiny, their own future without the Elders in the picture, then that will be my-our victory. The Vitakara as a whole may not realize it, but in time they will."

Not a bad speech.

"Worth fighting for, yeah?"

She grinned, flashing her sharp pointy teeth. "Worth fighting for indeed. Now…" She cocked her plasma rifle. "Let us see who's the better shot."

I smirked, grabbing my Psi Rifle and hooking it up to my wrist, aiming at the next paper target.

It was times like these that made me feel sure of my decision to join up with XCOM. Moments like these that no book or movie could replicate, moments that showed the heart and soul of what XCOM was, who the people in it were, and what we all meant to each other.

Yes, there were going to be ugly moments, like Beijing or Patricia's attack. Moments where you thought, 'oh there's no way we're coming back from this; no, it can't possibly get worse then this'. But then there were good moments, like killing Isomnum, taking down the Hiveship, using GAIA to save Florida-you got the idea. But you didn't do things like that alone- you did it alongside your friends, your brothers and sisters in arms, be they human or alien. Training, watching the XCOM TV show, playing basketball, eating together- it gave you this feeling.

It was the feeling I felt when in the barracks, being the odd one out from all the other women who were leagues ahead of me in size and experience. It was the feeling I felt in the Dreamscape, taking my place among veritable living legends that overshadowed me to degrees I could barely fathom. It was the feeling I had from sitting around my friends in the Mess Hall, eating and talking about...well, almost anything. It was the feeling I had when I was with Caelior, going into each other's minds and opening up to each other in a way that you could truly see who someone was. It was the feeling I had when I drifted off to sleep every night in peace, even with everything going on.

What was it, one would ask?

The feeling that you weren't alone, that's what it was. The feeling that no matter what happened, no matter how screwed up things could get- you weren't going at it alone, that you weren't carrying the whole burden of it all. That there were others who'd signed up, just like you, to handle it all. One person couldn't defeat the Collective - one human person, anything.

Wasn't exactly sure if a Sovereign One counted as a 'person' or not.

But it was the community here that kept me going, that made me feel safe. That I wasn't alone in tackling this endeavour. That I wasn't the only one in this position. Carreria, though much older and experienced than me, was in an arguably even more difficult situation- her family had probably disowned her as a 'traitor', and unlike me, she'd been on the wrong side of the war, dealing with the guilt and such.

You're lucky, Dawn. Much luckier than you think.

Anyone could've been a biopath to take my place. As far as I knew, someone else could've won the genetic lottery and ended up like me. The universe was a funny thing- but it also had a sense of humor, be it dark, light, or anything in between.

Isn't it funny that the first human biopath is named Dawn of all things? The dawn of something new? The dawn of a new way of thinking? The dawn of a form of environmental manipulation never even comprehended before?

I snorted, thinking to myself the endless arsenal puns I could pull out of my ass for that one.

But, as with the community, when you looked at it from a lighter perspective, a more relaxed one, things felt better. Because when you looked at the good things, rather than just worrying about all the bad, it felt better.

Because in the end, when you looked at it like this, it wasn't so bad after all.

A/N: So, around the time of the posting of this chapter, I will be back in college for my second semester of my first year. I'm not sure how this will affect my writing/uploading, but I'll do my best for you readers. Reminder that any and all feedback, be it on the Xabiarverse Discord server, reviews, or DMs- I do appreciate all feedback, be it positive or negative. I am also looking into adding more unique content to New Blood, like subplots and further expansion of Dawn Conley's character. It's a new year, and I'm very happy to write this fic for this little fandom. So, thanks to everyone on the Xabiarverse Discord and those of you who've left reviews- I appreciate it, as it means a lot to me and my writing. Here's to a hopefully better year then 2020. I know this is a bit late considering the timing, but I forgot to put a message like this in the previous chapter. There's going to be some big stuff happening involving Dawn soon, and I'm very excited for it. Here's a hint - blue and red.

To be continued in:

Interlude: The Savant and the Revenant