Here Comes Mom!
Ranma was still in a state of shock. It had been a whole day since he saved the world by beating the alien girl, Lum, in a game of tag, and now...he was apparently ENGAGED TO HER! How? He had absolutely no freaking idea.
All he knew was that he had been arguing with his dad and Mr. Tendo about not wanting to marry Akane, apparently Lum and a few other people overheard, and due to a misunderstanding, the whole world now thinks that because he said that he would rather marry Lum over Akane, he had proposed to LUM!
And so here he was, still a little brain dead, and now a literal alien girl was hugging him while he, Genma and the Tendo family were trying to eat breakfast. Ranma though, was not really eating. He still couldn't get over how his life had just taken a HUGE U turn. Akane was growling as Lum was cuddling Ranma.
"GRRRR! Can't you and your alien slut go somewhere else!?" Akane exclaimed as she stands u in rage. Lum glared at the angry tomboy.
"I am not a slut you gorilla!" Lum said, breaking Ranma out of his stupor enough to make him laugh.
"Ranma! Aren't you going to say something!? This woman just insulted your fiance!" Soun said in a huff. Ranma turned to the man.
"Ok, one, I'm pretty sure your daughter ended that after that fiasco yesterday. Two, I can't, I'm laughing too hard!" He said as he started laughing.
"And I'M his fiancé! After all, he proposed to me!" Lum said, snuggling Ranma's arm. Nabiki shook her head.
"Ranma, you heart breaker." She said as she started eating her food. Ranma started sweating, but before he could say anything, Genma got up and started yelling at his son.
"BOY! Listen to me! You need to send this alien home wrecker back to where she came from and marry your TRUE fiancé!" He screamed. Ranma snapped out of his daze and decided to play with his dad a little.
"Hey Lum, what do you say we elope?" He said with a smirk. Lum's eyes let up.
"REALLY!?" She said. Akane stamped her foot.
"I KNEW IT! YOU REALLY ARE A PERVERT!" She screamed as she tried to attack Ranma with a shinai. Ranma freaked, but Lum's hair started glowing in different colors as electrical sparks arced off her body.
"BACK OFF BITCH!" Lum screamed as she launched her lightning at Akane, zapping her before her attack could reach Ranma. Ranma watched as Akane was electrocuted, not sure whether to be worried about her, or to laugh his butt off.
After a few seconds, Lum cut off her lightning and when the smoke cleared, Akane could be seen. Blackened by the intense blast and smoke coming off her body. She coughed and fell to the ground.
"Oh my!" Kasumi said, covering her mouth. Nabiki's eyes went wide, Genma and Soun freaked out and Ranma...laughed.
"AAAAHHH HA HA HA HA HA!" He laughed and fell to his back, rolling around as he did so.
"Now THAT'S priceless! Hahahahaha!" Ranma said as he tried to get control of himself. When Lum was finished zapping Akane, she hugged and crossed her arms.
"That'll teach you." Lum said. Soun and Genma freaked but then got up to yell at Ranma and the alien girl.
"RANMA! Are you really going to let this woman do that to your fiancé!?" Genma said.
"He's right son! Shouldn't you be angry that this woman is assaulting the woman you're going to marry!?" Soun chimed in. Ranma managed to stop laughing long enough to sit up and look at the two fathers.
"I would, if she were my fiancé and if I cared about what happened to this dumb gorilla of a tomboy." He said cooly, before turning to the two men and standing up to glare at them eye-to-eye.
"But as I clearly remember, YOU'RE daughter basically ended the whole thing yesterday!" He shouted at them.
"And besides," Lum chimed in. "He proposed to ME! So he's MY finace! Not HERS!" The alien cried as she hugged Ranma's arm to her modest breasts. Akane growled at the two of them and grabbed her cold drink of water.
"Yeah! Well I hope you like being married to a boy who's HALF GIRL!" She shouted as she splashed Ranma. Ranma glared at the angry girl as Lum looked at the transformed boy-turned-girl with astonishment.
"Darling," She said. "I didn't know you were a Memorzorian." That made the now female Ranma and the rest of the Tendo household to look at her funnily.
"What the heck is a Memorzorian?" The red-haired girl asked. Now it was Lum's turn to look strangely at the red head.
"You mean you're not one?" She asked. Ranma was starting to get annoyed.
"I can't be something that I don't know what the heck it is!" She screamed at the green-haired girl. Lum took a breath as she got ready to explain.
"A Memorzorian is an alien being from the planet Memorze, a place where the people all have the ability to change their genders. For a moment I thought that's what you might be." She explained. Ranma looked up to the sky.
"A whole planet of people who know my pain." She said as she looked back Lum.
"Well, sorry to disappoint, but I'm just a regular human." Ranma told her. "I'm just cursed."
"I can see that. Memorzorians tend to change personalities after they change genders." Lum said, but then her eyes opened wide. "Hold on, what do you mean by cursed?"
Ranma took a deep breath. Now it was her turn to explain something.
"Well, do your people know anything about something called magic?" Ranma asked. Lum nodded her head 'yes'. Ranma took another breath as she continued.
"Well, there's this place in a country here on Earth called China. In that country, there's this place called Jusenkyo, and it's loaded with these springs that are cursed. Some many number of years ago, somebody placed a curse of those springs so that if something ever drowned there, anyone who fell into that spring would turn into whatever drowned there last. And my stupid DAD over here! Thought it would a good idea to go to that place in order to do some training! But the idiot couldn't read Chinese and didn't listen to the guide there and thanks to him, we BOTH got cursed!"
Genma smiled sheepishly, but started to pale as he heard the telltale signs of electricity. He opened his eyes and turned to see Lum, hair glowing different colors and lightning arcing off of her body.
"Let me get this straight." She started to say as she floated closer to the sweating bald man.
"You went to a foreign land, do to this martial arts stuff, and you didn't bother to learn ANYTHING ABOUT THE PLACE YOU WERE GOING!?" Now she was giving off a miniature storm.
"Um...well..." Genma tried to say as Lum came closer to the soon to be dead Panda man.
"Even invaders like my people do a little research about the people of a planet before we try to conquer it!" She said as she fired a blast of lightning at Genma, lighting him up like a Christmas Tree.
Ranma almost felt sorry for his/her father...almost. But when the light show was over, she burst out laughing at the charred-up idiot. She rolled on the ground as she clutched her sides, laughing at how at long last, her stupid old man was getting what he deserved. Lum huffed and then floated back to her laughing fiancé.
"So, you were a guy when he competed. How did you manage to change back?" She asked. Ranma managed to stop laughing long enough to answer the green-haired beauty.
"Cold water activates the curse, warm or hot water turns us back to normal." She said. As if on cue, a splash of hot tea hit Ranma and returned him to his black-haired male form. He spat out the tea and looked back to see Nabiki with a now empty teacup.
"Thanks, Nabiki." Ranma said, not really having much sincerity in his words. Nabiki didn't seem to care though.
"Don't mention it. Now can we go back to eating?" She asked as she started eating again. Ranma shook his head at the middle daughter of the Tendo clan. He was glad he didn't get engaged to this woman. She was prettier than Akane, but that greedy and non-caring attitude of hers really set him off.
"Talk about rude. Even the brutes back on my home world have SOME manners." Lum said, glaring at the brown-haired girl.
As they all finished eating, Kasumi looked towards their new house guest.
"Excuse me Lum-san, but would you mind helping with the dishes?" She asked. Lum looked at the eldest daughter of the Tendo family, smiled and nodded her head.
"Sure." She said as she followed the pony-tailed girl. "I like you. You're MUCH nicer than that family of yours." She said. Ranma couldn't help but look at Lum's retreating figure, he hated to admit it, but he did like the way her hips kept swaying. He shook his head.
'Don't think like that!' He thought to himself. 'I don't WANT another fiance! I want...actually, what the heck do I want? Other than getting rid of this curse I mean.'
Ranma was so in thought that he didn't even pay attention to the angry fathers that were harking on him to break things up with Lum marry Akane to unite the schools. Nothing important really. But as they kept bugging him, there came a knocking at the front door.
This shocked the members of the household, they weren't expecting any visitors today.
"Did anybody expect company?" Ranma asked.
"Not to my knowledge." Soun said.
"Don't look at me." Genma said, trying hard to hide the fact that he was sweating bullets. Akane glared at Ranma.
"Probably more girls coming to flirt with mister 'Hero' over here." She said with a growl. Nabiki got up and headed for the door.
"If it is someone for Ranma, or even his cute new alien girlfriend, I might as well make a quick yen off of it." She said as she strutted to the door. Ranma snarled at the woman as Kasumi and Lum also headed towards the door, Kasumi most likely to stop Nabiki from being her usual greedy self and Lum, who knows.
When the two Tendo girls opened the door, they did a double take at the woman who was standing in front of them. She looked like an almost identical look-a-like of Ranma in his female form! Except her hair was darker, more maroon than the vibrant flaming crimson of Ranma's and this woman's eyes were brown instead of blue.
She was dressed in a blue kimono, had a pleasant smile on her beautiful face, and was carrying a strange bundle in her arms. She gave the two stunned girls a warm smile as from behind them, Ranma and the rest were looking at the woman, and Genma paled as he saw her, grabbed Ranma, covered his mouth and dashed out of the house as fast as he could go.
"Hello." Said the beautiful woman. "I'm terribly sorry to disturb you on this beautiful Sunday, but I was wondering, is Ranma Saotome here?" She asked.
The two girls looked behind them, but saw that neither Ranma nor his father were there. Nabiki regained her composure and faced the woman with her trademark deadpanned faced.
"And who may I ask is asking?" She asked. The woman gave a small chuckle.
"Oh my, where are my manners. Gomenasai. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Nodoka. Nodoka Saotome. I'm Ranma's mother."
And that...made all of them have a heart attack.
"EEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" They all cried in shock. Lum was the first to recover as she flew over to the woman at the door.
"OH! So YOU'RE MY NEW MOTHER-IN-LAW!?" The green-haired beauty asked the older woman. Nodoka looked shocked at the flying girl but then remembered that she saw this girl on the news yesterday.
"Oh! You're the girl that my son proposed to! Yes, I suppose that does make me your mother-in-law. And pleas, just call me mom!" She said as she hugged the alien girl.
"Ok...MOM!" Lum said happily, as she hugged the woman back.
"Oh, I'm so happy to meet you dear. But wait, where's my son?" Nodoka asked, looking behind Lum and trying to see her son. But he wasn't there.
Lum looked behind her and saw to her own shock that Ranma wasn't there. And come to think of it, his father wasn't around either.
"Huh. That's strange. He and his father were here just a second ago." She flew off into the house to look for the two missing male Saotomes.
"Darling!" She called out.
"Strange. Where did they go? I thought they'd be overjoyed to see her." Soun said.
Unkown to the group in the house, Ranma and Genma were on the roof of the house. Ranma struggled to get free of his father's grip.
"Of all the times for her to show up, why NOW!?" Genma said. Ranma, having had enough of this, bit HARD on his father's hand.
"YEOW!" Genma screamed. Ranma slipped out and elbowed his father in the gut before sweep kicking the older man to the ground.
"Now what the HECK is going on!?" Ranma shouted. Genma did his best to shush Ranma and waved his hands, trying to calm the boy.
"Calm down boy! Do you want to get us both killed!?" He asked.
"I'm not going to calm down! What's up with you? Who is that woman? Is she really my mom!?" Ranma asked. Genma sighed.
"Yes! There! Are you happy now boy!? Now shut up before she hears us!" Genma said. But Ranma wasn't listening. That woman...was his mom?
Ignoring his father's warnings and ramblings, Ranma went to the edge of the roof and looked over to see his mother, his real mother, looking left and right for her son. Now that he got a chance to take a good look at her, he could see a HUGE family resemblance.
In fact, she almost looked like his girl form, just older and with darker hair and different eye color. She was beautiful. She didn't even look old enough to be a mother. Even as a guy, he looked more like this woman than he did his father. That made Ranma gain a look of confusion on his face as he looked back towards his raging father.
Genma kept ranting something that Ranma wasn't really listening to as he looked at his mother. Genma was about to keep going but finally saw the look that Ranma was giving him and looked confused at his son.
"Why are you staring at me like that boy?" He asked. And Ranma answered with one simple question.
"How in the actual, freaking, flipping, mother of the lord up high in Heaven HECK, did an old codger like you, score with a total babe like THAT!?"
Genma glared at Ranma and tried to hit him, but missed.
"Forget that right now boy! We've got to get out of here!" Genma said as he tried to grab Ranma only to get kicked in the face.
"Now wait just a cotton-picking minute you douche." Ranma said. "Why in the heck do you not want to see your own wife? And why is it that I can't see my own mother?"
Genma paled. He was trying hard to avoid this, but the narrowing glare Ranma was giving him made him realize that he had no way out this time.
"Pop..." Ranma said as he got up and started to crack his knuckles. "Did you do something that's gonna make me want to pound you into a bloody pulp?"
Genma gulped. He had no choice. All he could do now was tell his son the truth and pray that Ranma wouldn't go through with that threat. (YEAH RIGHT.)
"Well son," Genma started. "It all happened a year or two after you were born. I had planned since the moment I heard that my wife Nodoka was pregnant to take you on a journey around Japan to make you the greatest martial artist possible. But your mother was very hesitant about letting me take you away for so long."
"How come whenever I asked you about mom you always said something like 'Boy don't ask about stupid stuff like that! What are you, a girl?'" Ranma interrupted. Genma glared at him harshly.
"Shut up and let me talk." He said.
"Anyway, I finally convinced her to let me take you on our training trip on the condition that by the time she saw you again, you'd be a man amongst men." Genma said dramatically. "And to make sure I followed through on my word, she made us both sign a pledge that said if you hadn't become a man amongst men...then, we'd both have to commit seppuku."
"WWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!"
His voice was so loud that it could be heard throughout the whole country. The people inside the Tendo house heard the voice of one of the people they were looking for and looked up.
"Was that...Ranma!?" Nodoka asked as she looked up to the ceiling. The others looked up.
"It sounded like him." Kasumi said. Lum narrowed her eyes.
"I'll go and check." She said as she flew up to the roof of the house. When she got up there, she saw Ranma...strangling his father.
"What the!?" She cried. "Darling! What are you doing!? While I don't mind you trying to choke your dad to death, why don't you come down to meet your mom?"
Ranma let up on strangling his father so he could look at the green-haired alien girl.
"I would, but thanks to THIS IDIOT if I try to see my own mother, I'll be signing my own death warrant!" He said, tightening his grip on his father's neck. Lum tilted her to the side confused.
"What do you mean?" She asked. Ranma sighed.
"Well," He started. "Apparently, according to THIS IDIOT! When I was a kid, my dad here promised my mom that if he didn't make me a man among man, then the both of us would have to commit freaking SEPPUKU!"
"What!? That's terrible!" Lum said. But then she said, "Quick question: What's seppuku?"
"Traditional ritualistic Japanese suicide." Ranma answered.
"Oh." Lum said. But then Ranma's words sunk in.
"WHAT!?" She cried out loud, electricity arcing off her body in response to her fury.
"What kind of moron would agree to something like that!?" Lum shouted in anger.
"Apparently, this one!" Ranma said as he tightened his grip on his father even more. Lum started charging up her electricity.
"Darling, let me at him! I'll give him MY version of the electric chair!" She said. Genma somehow managed a scream and jumped off the roof with Ranma in tow.
"DARLING!" Lum screamed.
"Huh!? Ranma!?" Nodoka screamed as she ran out of the house and looked around for her son.
"Ranma!" She called out. She heard a splash and ran to where it came from. But upon reaching the koi pond, she found nothing but a panda playing in the water.
"Huh? Oh, excuse me Mr. Panda, but did you happen to see my son?" She asked. The panda shook his head.
"Oh. But I could have sworn..." She started to say, only for Lum to fly in behind her.
"Oh, mother-in-law..." She said as the older woman looked up to the alien.
"Oh! There you are Lum dear. I could have sworn you were talking to my son. I know I heard you call out to him. I heard you call out darling."
"Oh," Lum said, starting to panic. "Um, Darling said that he had somewhere to be. I, uh, think that he's just a little shy at the idea of seeing you again."
That made Nodoka look down, a look of sadness in her eyes.
"I see." She said. Lum started to panic again. She didn't want to make her new mother-in-law sad.
"Uh...I'm sure he'll be back soon. He, uh, probably just wanted to...uh...maybe he just wanted to practice meeting you first." She said. But even she thought that sounded lame.
"I suppose." Nodoka said with a sigh. With a dejected look, she and Lum started heading back inside the house. Meanwhile, Ranma, now a girl, was hiding behind his pandafied father, tears running down her own cheeks.
"I hate you so much right now, you know that pop!" She whispered as she squeezed and pinched her father's skin. Genma had to fight just to make sure he didn't scream out loud from the vice like pinch.
"Lum dear," Soun said to the alien. "Why didn't you tell Nodoka about Ranma's curse? Or that the panda she saw was her husband?"
"While I don't care about that fat tub of lard, if I had told Darling's mom about his curse, she may have killed him." She said.
"What?" Soun and the others asked.
"Um, mother-in-law, would you mind if we step out for a minute?" She asked. Nodoka just sipped at her tea.
"Sure...I guess..."
And with that, Lum took the Tendos aside and told them about the deal Genma made all those years ago.
"WHAT!?" Soun exclaimed. "How could Saotome make such a deal?"
"Oh my." Kasumi said. "No wonder Ranma and Mr. Saotome ran off like they did."
"I don't think she'd consider that very manly." Nabiki said, not really seeming to care.
"Huff. Maybe I should just tell her and let her put an end to this." Akane said.
"AKANE!" Soun, Kasumi and Lum all cried out.
"That's no way to talk about your fiance." Soun said. Lum growled and zapped him.
"He's MY finace!" She said and turned to Akane. "And you! You spoiled brat!"
She zapped Akane until she was charred up like burnt barbeque.
"Don't you even THINK of ratting out my Darling!" She said. Akane growled at the alien girl.
"Well why don't YOU do something to help him then!" Akane shouted. Lum was about to retort, but then she thought about it for a second. And then she started to smile.
"You know what?" She said to the blackened girl. "That's exactly what I'll do! I'll help my Darling and his mom get back together without him dying!"
And with that, she flew off. Akane and Soun didn't really know what to think, but Nabiki...the wheels of blackmail were starting to turn in her head. Meanwhile, Ranma was walking away fro the Tendo house, her heart feeling like it had been stabbed. All his/her life, she had wanted to know her mom and now...
Ranma's musing was cut short when all of a sudden she was hit with a splash of hot water!
"YEOW!" He cried after returning to his male form.
"What's the big idea!" He said looking up to see Lum with an empty bucket.
"Hello Darling!" She said happily. Ranma glared at her.
"What was that for!?" He said.
"You're going to meet your mother. And I'm going to make sure of it!" She said as sheflew down to his level. Ranma lost his glare but looked dejected.
"Um, Lum," He started to say. "With my luck, the second I go to talk to her I'm likely to be hit with cold water and then it's off to suicide town for me."
Lum smiled, winked and waggled her finger.
"Not if you have someone to look out for you. Like saaaayyyyyyy...a cute alien girl who wants to help out her Darling?" She said in a cutesy voice. Ranma looked at her.
"You mean you'd really help me out?" He asked.
"Of course." She said. "It's a wife's duty to help out her husband."
Ranma glared half-heartedly at the girl.
"Lum, you're not my wife." He said. She just pouted at him.
"Not yet." She said.
A few minutes later, Nodoka was about to walk out of the house. All she wanted was to see her son again after all these years. Why didn't he want to see her?
'Does...Does he hate me?' She thought to herself. 'Well, why wouldn't he? I've never been there for him. For his birthdays, any of his firsts, when he got hurt or when he was scared.'
Nodoka started crying as she got up.
'I'm a terrible mother!'
"I'm sorry." She said to the Tendos. "But I...I think I'll be going now."
"Oh but auntie." Kasumi tried to say. Nodoka waved her off.
"Oh, it's fine." She said as she headed for the door.
"I really must be go..." She stopped talking when, upon opening the door, there stood the very boy she saw on television yesterday. He stared at her with big eyes and smiled sheepishly.
"Um...hi mom." Ranma said, scratching the back of his head. Nodoka dropped the bundle in her arms.
"R...Ranma?" She asked. Ranma nodded.
"Yep. That's my...Oph!" He was cut off when his mother hugged him in a tight hug that threatened to break his bones.
"MY BABY!" Nodoka cried as she hugged Ranma even tighter, crying as she did so. Ranma was at a loss for words. So, he did the only thing he could do. He moved his arms the best he could and hugged his mother for the first time in his whole life.
"Long time no see." He said, trying to lighten the mood. Lum just watched the two embrace. She was happy that she could help her Darling out like this. She sighed, this made her miss her own mother.
"Um, mom?" Ranma tried to say. "Um, you can let go now."
"NO! I'M NEVER LETTING YOU GO AGAIN!" She cried and hugged him tighter.
"Um, can we at least go inside and talk?" He asked. Nodoka got as much control of herself as she could, dried her eyes and smiled at her son.
"Yes. Of course." She said as they headed back into the Tendo house. Ranma looked back to Lum as he walked into the house.
"Thanks Lum. You know, you ain't half bad after all." He said with a smile. Lum blushed at the praise as she followed the mother and son pair into the house. But as she did, she saw Genma charging at the front door like a mad panda.
"Oh no you don't." She said as she fired her lightning at the panda. Genma panicked and braced himself as the lightning zapped him into blissful unconsciousness. Lum blew off the smoke from her hands, huffed and then strutted into the house, closing the door behind her.
"Oh, Ranma! I thought you had something to take care of?" Said Kasumi, remembering not to let slip about Ranma's condition.
"Oh, uh, I decided it could wait." He said. Nodoka smiled as she looked towards the eldest Tendo daughter.
"Kasumi dear, why don't we cook dinner together? It'll be the first time I get to give my son a good home cooked meal." Kasumi smiled at the idea.
"I think that's a great idea."
"Wow, a home cooked meal from mom. That'll be a first." Ranma said.
"Would you like to help, Lum dear?" Nodoka asked the alien girl. Lum was about to say yes, but then she remembered that she had to stay close to Ranma and help him in case cold water somehow tried to splash him.
"Um, no thank you mother-in-law. I think I'll stay close to Darling. I can't really stand to be away form him for too long." She said, glommping onto Ranma's right arm, causing him to blush.
"Aw, young love. Ok then, but no funny business you two." She said with a wink. After she and Kasumi headed towards the kitchen, Ranma tried not to look Lum in the eye.
"Um, thanks Lum." He said. Lum smirked at him.
"If you really want to thank me Darling," She leaned in close to his ear. "How about a wittle kiss?"
Ranma blushed even redder at that.
"Um, well, um, I, uh..."
"Actually, I think your time would be better spent making sure someone doesn't tell your mother about your little 'unmanly' secret femboy." Came the voice of one Nabiki Tendo. Lum glared at the middle Tendo girl, for quite a few reasons.
"And what do you mean by that?" She said to the woman. Nabiki just strutted up to the couple, her face not giving away a hint of emotion.
"Well, what would happen if, let's say, I accidentally poured some ice-cold water on you during you and your mother's precious dinner together?"
That made the teen couple pale and gulp. Ranma may not have known Nabiki for very long, but he knew her well enough that if she said she was going to do something, she was going to do it. Unless someone paid her a good sum of money not to.
"Are you blackmailing me? With my very LIFE!?" Ranma asked the woman in front of him. Now Nabiki grinned like the monster she was.
"Not too much." She said. "Just, let's say...10,00 yen? Per hour?" She said, rubbing her her fingers together. Ranma started to pale even more, but Lum...
"Allow me to make a counter offer!" She said as she blasted Nabiki with her lightning. Nabiki cried in shock, literally, at the blast and fell to the ground.
"What was that!?" Came the voice of Ranma's mom.
"Um, nothing! Just showing Lum one of my techniques! That's all!" Ranma said.
"Well don't tear the house down!" She said. Ranma wiped some sweat off of his head and turned to face Lum.
"Lum, you are the best!" He said as he grabbed her and kissed her right on the lips. Lum went stiff for a second, but then she closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around Ranma's neck. Their kiss lasted a few seconds before Ranma realized what he was doing and pulled Lum off of him.
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!" He said in a panic. Lum just smiled dreamily.
"I didn't mind." She said as she fell into Ranma's arms.
'What did I just do!?' He thought to himself. Then another thought came to him.
'Wait, that was my first kiss...' He thought. He had just given up his first kiss to an alien girl. As Ranma was thinking this, he heard the sound of his mother's voice.
"Oh my..." She said in a smug tone. "Am I interrupting something?"
"NO!" Ranma said in a panic. "No! I mean, um, well...you see..."
"Darling was showing me how much I mean to him!" Lum said as she hugged Ranma tightly, snuggling up to him. Ranma blushed.
"I...I don't know what to say." He said. His mother giggled at the two lovers.
"Hm hm hm hm. Well, you two take some time out and come eat." She said, walking back into the kitchen.
Once they all sat down to eat, Ranma tried not to think about the kiss he had with Lum. But in al honesty, no matter what he put into his mouth, he couldn't get the taste of her lips out of his mouth. As for Lum, she was on cloud 9.
'Darling is such a good kisser! He's even better than that idiot ex of mine, Rei.' Lum thought to himself.
"Well, now isn't this nice?" Nodoka asked. "It's like a big family meal. Like the kind we never got a chance to have, eh Ranma?"
"Huh?" Ranma said. "Oh, uh, yeah. It, um, really is nice. Mom." He said, still not used to calling someone mom.
"Well, it would be even better if your husband were here to join us." Soun said.
"Who?" Nodoka asked. Soun gave her a strange look.
"Your husband. Genma, my old training partner." He said.
"Oh. Him." Nodoka said, seeming as if she didn't really care for her own husband. "Well, it's his own fault. So Ranma, tell me, how was your little training trip?"
"Um..." Ranma tried to find the right words to say. "Well, I can honestly say that it made me a great martial artist. But, I really wish we didn't have to sleep out in the woods so much."
"What!?" Nodoka said in shock. "You mean you boys never stayed in a hotel? When was the last time you slept in a real bed?"
"Um, Ms. Saotome, living off the land like that is an essential skill for a martial artist. It teaches them how to survive in the harshness of the world. And look at the man it's turned your son into!" Soun said, trying to cover for his friend's choices, which earned him a glare from Ranma.
'Yeah, more like he was just to cheap to get a job so we could have a REAL place to sleep.' He thought to himself.
"More like half a man." Akane said under her breath. Nodoka looked at the long-haired girl.
"What was that Akane dear?" She asked.
"Uh! She was just saying that other girls would be half as lucky to have a man like Ranma as their fiancé!" Soun said. Akane only growled.
"That is NOT what I said!" She screamed.
"Oh don't mind her." Lum chimed in. "She's just jealous that Darling chose to propose to me instead of her."
Akane growled at the alien. Soun knew that if he had any hope at all of uniting the schools, he had to work fast.
"Um, be that as it may. Nodoka-san, I believe there has been a bit of a misunderstanding."
"Oh? How so?" She asked.
"Well, you see, your husband and I made a pact many years ago that we'd unite our two schools by having our children marry."
"HEY!" Ranma exclaimed standing up.
"RANMA!" His mother called out. "Let the adults talk for a minute."
Ranma sat back down as his mother looked towards Soun.
"I see. Is that so." She said. Soun smiled and nodded, thinking things were finally going his way.
"Yes! We made the agreement and that was why your husband brought Ranma here. That whole thing on the news was just a misunderstanding. I'm sure you can understand that the honor of our pledge must be fulfilled."
Nodoka took a sip of her tea as Ranma felt his heart sink. So much for saying goodbye to this stupid arranged marriage.
"SO, you basically agreed to take away the rights your own children had in who they should marry, is that it?" She asked.
"Yes." Soun said, until he realized what she just asked him. "Wait! I mean..!"
"That's sure what it sounds like to me." Lum said with a smirk.
"Agreed." Nodoka said. Ranma just starred wide eyed at his mother. Was she actually taking his side!? He wasn't used to something like this.
"BUT! But Nodoka-san, the honor of the schools..." Soun started to say before he was cut off.
"The schools that you two buffoons separated in the first place? And NOW you want to reunite them by forcing two children who have never met even once in their whole lives to marry?" Nodoka said, giving Soun a side long glare. Soun started to pale. This was NOT how this conversation was supposed to go.
"At any rate," Nodoka continued. "I'll be happier when Ranma moves back in with me at my home." She said as she took another bite of her food.
"WHAT!?" They all cried out in shock. A cry that managed to wake up Nabiki and Genma. The panda man snuck inside so he could hear what was going on, Nabiki being right beside him. And when they heard it, they wished they hadn't. Well, Genma did anyway.
"What do you mean move in with you!?" Ranma said in shock.
"Son, I know we haven't known each other for very long, but I've been without you in my life for so long that I NEED to make up for lost time. And it's obvious to me that you and dear Akane over there don't seem to be all for this marriage that your father and his friend set up. So I think you and your fiancé or girlfriend or whatever you kids call it now-a-days should move in with me at my home."
Everyone had a different reaction.
"You want me to live with you!?" Lum said in excitement with stars in her eyes.
Ranma was dumbstruck, Soun was having a heart attack, Kasumi was shocked, Nabiki didn't know what to feel, Akane was shocked as well, and Genma...PANICKED! So much so that he broke into the house, snatched Ranma up in his arms and made a mad dash for the door!
"What the!?" Nodoka exclaimed.
"Wha!? You again!?" Cried Lum.
"PUT ME DOWN YOU TUB OF LARD!" Ranma screamed as he struck at his father, attempting to knock himself free. Genma tightened his hold on Ranma as he lifted up a sign.
'NOT ON YOUR LIFE! If you move out Akane might not marry you!' It read. Ranma growled, grabbed the sign out of his dad's hand and struck with all his might at the back of his father's thick skull.
"WHO CARES!?" He said as he slipped out of his father's loosened hold and attacked with a spinning 360 kick. No sooner had Ranma landed, Soun popped up from out of nowhere and put him in a full Nelson.
"SON! Think about this for a second!" He pleaded to the younger man. "If your mother takes you away and continues to favor that alien girl our two schools may never be joined!"
Ranma was getting tired of this. He was about to reply when Genma got back up and held up another sign.
'Look boy! This is a matter of family honor!' He flipped it over. 'Your mother wouldn't consider it very manly and might make us take our own lives!'
"Listen to your father Ranma! You don't really have a choice." Soun said. And that did it. That was the straw that FINALLY broke Ranma's temper. He glowed a bright crimson aura and a huge blast of ki, fueled by his overflowing anger.
"I'VE NEVER HAD A FREAKING CHOICE!" The blast of ki was so forceful that Soun and Genma were both blasted away from Ranma. Nodoka, Lum, Akane, Nabiki and Kasumi were also blasted back by the wave of ki. Nodoka and Lum were shocked and scared. Akane was flabergasted, she'd never seen Ranma like this. And Nabiki, for the first time in her whole life, felt the ice-cold grip of overwhelming fear.
"I've NEVER been given a choice in my WHOLE FREAKING LIFE! I've been taken from my own mother, trained in ways that could be considered child abuse, taken from people that could've been my friends if I had more time! And to top it off, because of some stupid deal and bad choices my IDIOT of a father made, I can't even get two words in a conversation with my own mother!"
Ranma screamed in fury as he stomped over to his panda of a father and looked like he was about to MURDER him.
"And all you two MORONS can talk about is some STUPID arranged marriage that you made to unite two schools of a martial art that YOU SEPERATED IN THE FIRST PLACE! WELL, FOGET IT! I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU OR YOUR STUPID SCHOOLS!"
And with that, Ranma let loose the HARDEST punch he had ever thrown in his life at his father and sent him FLYING out into the city. Soun was scared, but upon seeing Nodoka in the entrance way, he knew that his only chance to salvage this (like he could) was to make an argument that could get Nodoka and Akane on his side and calm Ranma down.
"Son, listen to reason! You and my daughter Akane are perfect for each other! Why throw that away for some alien? You and Akane are the future of the schools, you two NEED to get married to settle this matter of family honor."
Ranma turned to glare MURDER at Soun. Whatever he was about to say and do to Soun will never be known, because Akane, who had been listening, was glowing with anger herself. Sure, Ranma had a right to be mad, but what about HER!?
She had been just fine until her father had FORCED this arranged marriage on her and her sisters out of nowhere, then her own sisters FORCED her to be the one to marry this Ranma guy for no reason other than she was the only one of them that still did martial arts. She hated this! She had no say in this either!
And as long as their fathers still thought they could talk everyone into going along with this, they'd never stop. Or, as long as one of the two kids were alive...
She looked around and saw some water. She grinned. Ranma may think he's unstoppable, but if honor really was his biggest weakness, than if he turned into a girl in front of his mother...
She knew she'd regret this later, but at the moment, she was so full of rage that she didn't care. She rushed to the water, scooped it up in a cup, and threw it with all her might at Ranma.
"HERE'S WHAT KIND OF A MAN YOUR STUPID SON IS!" She cried as the water hit its mark dead on.
"WWWWHHHHAAA!" Came Ranma's voice...which to Nodoka's shock, started to sound more feminine. And as she looked at the dripping form of her son...he had turned into a shorter, red-headed, busty young girl!
"What the...?" She said.
"NO!" Lum said as she tried to cover Nodoka's eyes. Nabiki was a little shocked.
"Damn sis." Was all she managed to say.
"Akane!" Came Kasumi's voice in shock.
"AKANE! What have you DONE!?" Cried Soun.
"I've ENDED THIS STUPID ARRANGED MARRIAGE!" She cried out.
Nodoka pulled Lum off of her and looked at the dripping form of her son turned daughter. Ranma looked down at herself and gulped what might be the last gulp of his/her life.
"Um...I can explain..." She said, but Akane cut her off.
"Your precious son is HALF WOMAN! He's no man! He's less of a man than my spinless father!" Akane shouted and unwrapped Nodoka's bundle that she dropped during the commotion. And what was in it was in fact a sword!
"Now make him commit sepukku!" She shouted as she threw the sword down at Ranma's feet. She looked at the sword, then his mother, then back to the sword. She gulped and braced herself to face her fate like a man. At least.
"FINE! I confess! I'm cursed okay!? I turn into a girl when I'm splashed with cold water! So I guess that doesn't meet with being a man amongst men! So...go ahead! KILL ME!" She said as she braced herself for the end.
Nodoka walked up to Ranma, silent as can be. And when she got to him, er, her...She brushed the hair out of her face?
"You know, you look like the spitting image of me when I was in high school." She said, no anger in her voice. Ranma and the others all looked at Nodoka with looks of confusion.
"Uh..." Ranma said, not knowing what else to say.
"HEY! Aren't you going to make him kill himself!?" Akane asked. Nodoka looked at the Tendo heiress with a look that promised Hell.
"You'd like that wouldn't you, you spoiled little shit!" She said, shocking everyone in attendance!
"HUH!?" Exclaimed both father and daughter.
"You heard me." Nodoka said as she marched over to the young girl. "I can't believe that you'd go THAT far to get out of a marriage I didn't even want my son to be apart of anyway!"
She said as she kicked up her sword and flicked it out of its sheath with her thumb. Soun tried to get in the way.
"Now Nodoka-san-" Before he could finish, Nodoka did a quick flick with her blade and sliced his clothes off. He looked down, then paled till he looked like a ghost. Nodoka marched past him and back to Akane.
"And as for the seppuku pledge..." She trailed off as she looked towards Lum and Kasumi.
"Lum-san, Kasumi-san?" She said.
"YES MA'AM!" They both said as they snapped to attention, frightened by the sudden change in the woman's character.
"Would you two say that my son has ever acted unmanly?" She asked them. Lum and Kasumi calmed down as they thought about the question.
"Well," Kasumi started to say. "I can honestly say that in the week that I've known him, I've never seen Ranma be unmanly. Although, when he's in girl form I wish he'd show a little more care for his appearance."
Lum however, didn't need to think very long.
"Honestly," She said. "I believe that Ranma is a very manly person. He's kind, sweet, caring..."
"YOU'VE ONLY KNOWN HIM FOR A FUCKING DAY!" Akane shouted.
"SHUT UP HOE!" Nodoka shouted as her blade flicked right to Akane's throat. "Continue dear." She said with a smile. Lum gulped.
"Well, I may not have known him long, but I know he's a knid and honorable person. During our match, he could have taken advantage of when my top came off. But instead he covered me up with his shirt and let me redress." Lum started to blush as she remembered the event.
"Honestly, I have met quite a few men around the galaxy, and while they all looked nice, they turned out to be brutes and creeps. But Darling..." She giggled.
"He's cute and he's a gentleman. I wouldn't have said yes to his marriage proposal if I didn't think that he was worth it! And to be honest, even as a girl, I'd say he's the manliest man I've ever met!" She said with a smile. Ranma blushed at the praise, and Nodoka smiled.
"Well then, I think that settles that." She said with a smile. "And honestly, why would I make Ranma kill himself? The seppuku pledge wasn't meant for him."
Everybody just stared at Nodoka and then they all cried out...
"WHAT!?"
Nodoka just tilted her head to the side as she looked confused.
"Why would you people think that I would make my own child commit suicide?" She asked.
"B-b-b-b-but pop said you made him and me sign that seppuku pledge before we went off on our training trip." Ranma said.
"WHAT!?" Nodoka screamed, an aura of righteous fury glowing around her.
"That's right, that's what I heard Darling and his father arguing about earlier. That's the whole reason why he didn't want to come talk to you earlier and why he was running away." Lum chimed in. Nodoka growled and spun around and slashed at the wall behind her, leaving a huge slash mark behind her. Everyone gulped.
"Why...that...BASTARD!" She screamed as she sheathed her sword. "When I get my hands on him I'LL..."
Just as she was saying this, Genma, still a panda, snuck his way back to the house. Ranma and Lum turned their heads to see him shaking like a leaf in the wind. They grinned, turned to each other, grinned wider, then nodded their heads. Lum flew to the kitchen, grabbed a cup and filled it with hot water.
"You know mom..." Ranma started. "I got this curse while pop and I were in China. And come to think of it, he got cursed too."
Nodoka suddenly became interested.
"Oh? If that' so, what does he turn into a girl as well?" She asked. Ranma grinned as Lum flew above Genma and poured the hot water on his head.
"YEOW!" Genma cried as he turned back to normal. Nodoka and Ranma turned to see Genma, standing there, naked and sweating like a scared pig.
"Actually, he turns into a fat panda." Ranma said. Nodoka cracked her neck side to sied and then cracked her knuckles.
"Oh really?" She said as she marched over towards her soon to be dead husband. Genma gulped as he backed away.
"N-n-now No-chan..."
"Don't you No-chan me you two bit son of a bitch!" Nodoka said as she flicked her sword out again.
"You made MY baby, sign a death warrant I drafted to keep you in line, apparently nearly killed him during your so-called training trip, forced him to marry a girl who would sooner see him DEAD! Oh you!"
She started swinging her sword like a mad woman possessed! Genma ducked, dodged and did his best to run away from his murder crazed wife. Ranma and Lum watched as the two ran into the sunset, Nodoka yelling some colorful language at Genma as she tried to slash him to pieces.
"Yep! That's my mom alright!" Ranma said as she swung an arm around Lum's shoulder. Lum smiled as she did the same.
"You know something Darling? Despite how scary she is, I think I really like that mother of yours!"