As the minute hand ticks, Erin starts to think that he isn't going to show. Maybe he changed his mind? Maybe he's still in denial about the results? Maybe this is all just too much for him? And maybe he does want to be involved with the baby directly and not with her until the baby actually arrives? Erin doesn't know what the reason is for him not being here at the time she text him, but she does know that she's here alone. She didn't have to be alone. Her mom had wanted to come but she lied and said she wanted to do this alone because her mother still doesn't know about her running into her baby's dad.
She needs to tell her parents at some point.
That probably should be added to her mental checklist.
She really needs to write that list down like Burgess suggested.
That probably also should be added to her mental checklist.
Erin's phone pings, alerting her to an email that she assumes is from work. It's the only reason she pulls it out of her purse. If it wasn't work then it was spam, other than those two, her email rarely gets used. She reads the email address and skims the subject line which was in reference to the apartment she and Kim had looked at almost a week ago, -the one that she liked, the one that she wants. And she opens the email, skipping down to the bottom to find that she passed the credit check, the background check, her employment and proof of income and rental history. To sum it all up, her rental application was approved and she got the apartment if she wants it.
She wants it.
Erin shoots off a response to the email to set a date with her future landlord to go over the lease.
She also needs to pay the security deposit. She needs to sign the lease too. And she needs to pick a move-in date. All of those things just now suddenly added to her mental checklist.
There just feels like it's so many things to do and not enough time. And he's still not here. That email notification only served to be a distraction for ten minutes. Now, she's back to twiddling her thumbs and watching as the expectant couples in the waiting room talk amongst themselves. She stood out; she was the only person in the room single, pregnant and alone. And she knew that this was something she should get used to; she's going to be a single mom soon and couldn't help but to wonder if men would even still find her attractive? Eventually she'll be walking around sporting a pregnancy belly the size of a basketball and she knows she'll be the last person that men would look twice at…who wants to ask out a woman carrying around another man's baby? She would understand their hesitation. She would be hesitant herself.
Jay probably won't show. She's staring to feel stupid because why would she ever think he would? He was already on the fence about the entire thing. He probably made up his mind, he's going to walk away; she doesn't have that luxury. If she walks away then the kid is coming with her. It's in her belly; she can't get rid of it now. And now that she's a little further along and starting to experience more symptoms, she finds herself walking a fine line of accepting the pregnancy or pretending like the baby doesn't even exist. She's trapped. She's afraid; she doesn't want to resent the kid for all it will eventually remind her of, she doesn't want to take out any past frustrations on an innocent being that didn't ask to be here. She made the mistake, Jay did too, but the only difference is, he gets to just walk away.
But, she didn't lie when she said she needed this. To have a purpose, a reason to live, the baby gave that to her and the baby forces her to try, to work harder and put forth effort.
Erin leans back in the seat, glancing around the room to try and look at the couples without them noticing that she's staring. She's so focused on them that she doesn't see him.
She hears him before she sees him.
She hears the whispered apology as he takes the seat right next to her. The waiting room is full of other couples, all in varying months of their pregnancy, some closer to their due dates and some further away, all waiting patiently for their name to be called. Despite her earlier frustration, that earlier panic in thinking that he wasn't going to show up, feeling that maybe it was a sign that he changed his mind and wanted nothing to do with the baby. She didn't care if he wanted anything to do with her; she didn't want anything to do with him. She wasn't getting in a relationship with a man only because she's pregnant by him. He unzips his coat and shimmies his arms out of the sleeve, "It's hot in here."
He turns in his seat to drape his coat over the back of the chair before facing forward, legs open, hands intertwined and draped over his lap as he waited, either for the nurse to call them back or for her to say something. It seems that all of his waiting had led him to the latter, "Are you always running late," he could tell based on how she asked the question that she'd been contemplating on how to ask it long before he got here, "or is that just something reserved for little ol' me?"
"I'm sorry," he says sheepishly, trying to keep his voice low and not wanting any of the other couples in the room to overhear, "there was a lot of traffic and my partner invited me out for lunch and I had to figure out a reason why I couldn't go."
"What was the excuse you came up with?"
Jay looks in her direction, staring into the side of her face as she forced herself to stare forward, "I told him that I had a doctor's appointment; it was my annual physical."
"And who's your partner again?" She was familiar with everyone who worked under her dad. She'd recognize whatever name Halstead gave her. Jay sometimes forgets that; her relation to Voight occasionally slips from his mind, it's a welcomed slip because he's thankful for every moment he's not reminded of her relationship with his boss. That's a problem to be solved another day.
He sits up straighter and answers, "Dawson."
Jay can see the dimples appear in her cheeks at the sound of his partner's name. Slowly, she nods, whispering the name under her breath before responding, "Antonio," as if he already didn't know, he's suddenly reminded that they're on first name basis with each other, "hmm, be prepared to be asked a few follow-up questions about your appointment."
"Seriously?" Only one of his brows rise on his forehead.
"He's nosey," she shrugs, "he's raising two teenagers so I don't even think he notices how nosey he can be but he won't drill you like you're being interrogated; it'll probably be more blanket questions."
"Thanks for the heads up."
"Just trying to help you out."
As the two of them continued waiting, Jay constantly licking his lips, Erin rubbing her hands together and neither of them able to sit still, knowing how significant this appointment is, it's her second one but it's their first together. Both wait in anticipation. At least when her mother came with her, she had someone to give her an inside scoop on what to expect, even though times have changed and what happens during the prenatal appointment changed significantly throughout the years, her mother was an expert in all of this and what big or little information she could offer would have been appreciated.
"Erin," when he opens his mouth to speak, it startles her, catching her off guard because she had assumed, they were done attempting to make conversation, at least until they were in the examination room with the doctor, "Were you waiting long?"
"Not really," she watches as a nurse comes into the waiting room and another couple, further along in their pregnancy, gets up to follow her out of the room, "But I do hope they're on time," she looks at Jay the second the couple disappears, "I need to get back home and walk my dog. He's been cramped up long enough; he's probably ready to get some fresh air."
"Dog? What kind?"
Erin didn't know if he was actually interested or if he was trying to avoid the awkward silence that seems to always follow them around, but regardless of his motive, he was sparking a topic of conversation that involved her dog and she was definitely willing to give him the answers regarding Milo, her furry best friend, "he's a German Shepherd. His name is Milo."
"How old is he?"
"…a little over a year now," there's a calming smile that stretches across her face, "That's my first baby." She wasn't going to mention her reason for getting him, and the emotional support training he's gained in his one year of life. That was a conversation for a different day; that was a conversation for a friend, not a stranger or acquaintance.
Jay slouched forward, his elbows pressing against his thighs as his hands remained clasped, "I've never had a dog before, but I've always wanted one."
"You should get one."
"I'm already getting a kid. I don't think my pockets can afford both right now."
"Yeah, I don't know what I've gotten myself into. Between a dog barking and a baby crying, I'm probably going to sprout gray hairs and bags under my eyes before 40. One I planned to get and the other…" she doesn't finish that statement because she doesn't want to sound harsh or cruel. She planned to get a dog, she researched and saved up for the right dog. Milo didn't just fall onto her lap, but this baby, this unplanned baby was definitely not expected, and she hated herself for thinking it is unwanted. If she could change things, she would. If she could go back in time and prevent this, she would.
To prevent another stretch of awkward silence, Jay speaks up, focusing his words more on the dog than the baby, "Does he do that a lot? Bark, I mean."
"No, actually he's a really good dog. Trained. Well-behaved. He listens to all of my commands."
"If we're really lucky, our kid will come out just as good."
Jay chuckles dryly. He leans back in his seat, the back of his head resting against the wall, "I'd die for a calm baby." Leaving his head resting against the wall, he turns it slightly to look at her. He smiles. It's genuine and she feels the urge to smile back even though she isn't staring at him. She can feel it. His smile is burning into the side of her face practically forcing her to smile back just as hard.
"I'd kill for a calm baby," She rubs her belly and stares off into the distance as if she's picturing life with a calm infant. In theory, it seemed blissful.
"I'd probably help you get rid of that body for a calm baby."
Both of them start laughing; their laughs coming out was a sound neither one of them expected to ever hear. It radiated outwards, starting from the pit of their stomachs and rising up their body to be heard through their mouths. It wasn't expected which made them find the whole thing even funnier. Such an odd thing to laugh at but the fact that both of them found it funny let them know that at least their sense of humor was somewhat similar. And as their laugh winded down, it was Erin who spoke next, "and just because we both said that, we're going to get the complete opposite."
Jay wipes away the tears that collected underneath his eyes, "Whew," he sighed, collecting himself after exerting so much energy from laughing, "Um…is your dog good with babies?" He turns his body to face her, feeling the awkward tension that always seemed to surround them when the two of them meet up, start to slowly break away, he wasn't going to complain because the sooner the both of them are on the same page then the better for everyone involved.
"I've um," she clears her throat, also needing a second to collect herself, "I've been reading up on that. It's definitely a gradual process especially because Milo's lifestyle will change a bit, but it'll be fine. It's an adjustment that I'm sure he can handle. He's a sweetheart. Milo's extremely protective so when you meet him don't be surprised if he growls at you."
His eyes narrowed and his brows furrowed, "I'm going to meet him?"
"Yeah," she shrugged, "…eventually…" she frowns at the look on his face; it's obvious that he expected to remain as distant as possible, only stepping forward when it concerns the baby, "I mean," she starts to clarify her earlier statement in an effort to rid his face of that confused expression, "Milo and the baby will be at the same location. If you want to see the baby, you'll have to see Milo."
"Not necessarily," he responds back, "I don't know how far you live from me but when we swap the kid for the week, we may have to meet in the middle."
Erin's lips pressed together in an effort to hide her annoyance, "Let's take it one day at a time," she narrowed her eyes at him, "I don't think the baby will be spending a day without me for a very long time."
That awkward silence and the growing tension they tried to avoid was back in full force.
And fortunately for the both of them, that was the same time the nurse called her name.
The appointment is similar to her first one, she gets her weight checked, her blood pressure looked at and she provides a urine sample, the only difference is she's informed of the results of the many tests she took during her first visit -which were good- and Jay is asked questions since he wasn't here for the initial prenatal appointment and she gets to hopefully, with luck that the baby is in the right position, hear her baby's heartbeat with a doppler fetal monitor, -as the doctor called it. Just the anticipation of it all makes it a little more exciting. But, she has to be patient; she has to wait for Jay to finish answering all of the doctor's questions for the baby's paternal side.
"Your baby is about the size of a strawberry."
"That's just," Jay shakes his head in amazement because just at the thought of a strawberry and a baby being side by side is hard to believe, "that's just so small."
Erin lets him have his moment. It's his first time, she had her moment the last time she was here. She only wishes she could read his mind, to understand the look he was giving as she folded her shirt up and the doctor prepared the doppler, "How has the morning sickness been treating you?"
"It actually hasn't been that bad," she's grateful for that; her little monster wasn't treating her so bad in comparison to the other stories she's read about online, "I just get a little nauseous every once in a while, but nothing too extreme."
"As I get this ready, do you have any questions for me?"
"You said the baby is the size of a strawberry," he nods to back up his earlier comparison, "is there anything else you can tell us about baby?" She asks more so for Jay; she wants him to hear.
"Baby's cartilage and bones are forming; the vital organs are starting to function and the fingernails and hair are starting to appear. That's typically what happens around week ten."
She looks at Jay the entire time, watching as he hung onto every word, every description and every fact the doctor said.
Dr. Bradley has the doppler fetal monitor in his hand, "I must say, do not be discouraged or upset if we cannot hear the heartbeat soundwaves. It's early so it may be difficult to find it. If it's not picked up this time then we'll try again next time." He turns up the volume on the machine to ensure that if they came across the heartbeat, they'd hear it.
Erin leans back, staring up at the bright light on the ceiling as a cold liquid gel is squirted onto the slight, barely noticeable curve of her belly, "I can't believe this is actually about to happen," she whispered under her breath and the way Jay looked at her, she could tell he heard. He silently nodded in agreement. The doctor sticks the probe into the blob of gel that was squirted onto her stomach, circling around a bit to ensure the base of the probe is fully covered.
"I am turning the machine on now," he informed, smiling to himself because for as many times as he's done this in his career, seeing the parents' reaction to the baby's heartbeat never got old. She could feel the doctor push the probe further down before angling slightly as he began his search.
He starts at the middle of her belly before slowly working it down towards her pubic bone.
"I'm going to slowly move the probe to the side," he informs as he does as he directed. And she found herself holding her breath in anticipation. She didn't know how much she wanted to hear it, she didn't think she'd care but she found herself growing attached, wanting desperately to hear the comforting tones of her baby's heartbeat before she left for the day.
She didn't know what Jay was thinking. His face was blank, practically unreadable. She wouldn't know unless he told her.
"I'm going to slowly move the probe to the other side," the doctor informs, glancing back and forth between the probe and the small doppler device he's holding in his hand.
"Come on," she whispers the words aloud, directing them towards her baby. She needs to hear it. She really needs to hear something. And when nothing happens, she found herself repeating the same words over and over again in her head, -come on baby, come on, come on, come on. The words, the chant played on a loop.
Jay reached over and surprised her by intertwining his hand with hers and the two of them, together, watched as the doctor continued to move the probe around until they heard it, -the baby's heartbeat. It was fast. It was loud. It was strong.
Thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump- sounding so powerful, sounding like a rhythmic beat, a heavy footstep, and a punch in the gut.
Erin immediately felt tears pool in her eyes and roll down her cheeks. She didn't expect to feel this way; she didn't think she was capable of feeling this way towards her baby. The heartbeat played like music to her ears, a sound so lovely that she didn't want it to stop. A tune that she can hear on repeat forever. She released a choked sob lasting less than five seconds. She blinked to clear her vision, and even though she wasn't with her child's father, she was happy and grateful that she was able to share this special moment with him because this was something that she couldn't describe, something that went beyond words, something that was immeasurable.
And she could only hope that he felt the same.
When she looked up at his face she realized that there was nothing she could have done to prepare herself for what she saw. Erin didn't know Jay well but she knew that look on his face, she felt the same look appear on her own face. It was a look of love and it was directed towards the baby growing in her belly. The amount of love reflected in his eyes stole her breath away. She had never seen herself as a mother, she never knew she was capable of feeling like this towards anyone and yet here she is, in her first trimester hearing the fast beat of her baby's heart.
And he's here with her, listening intently, holding her hand tighter than he probably realizes.
His eyes were glassed over and a single tear ran down the side of his face, "Our baby," he inhaled sharply before tightening his hold on her hand, "that's our baby." If he held her hand any tighter, he'd probably break it. She didn't care though, for this moment alone, she was willing to have it broken to extend this experience for as long as possible.
This was a moment far greater than the two of them will ever be able to put together into words. She barely knew him; he barely knew her. Yet they were here for a being that was far greater, far better and far more innocent than the two of them. Neither one of them wanted to be parents, at least not right now, at least not with each other, but here they are, about to face the one thing they didn't want. And she couldn't find it in herself to regret this, she did at first, but now she doesn't know. Now, she's full of mixed emotions and she's starting to regret those past feelings, those past thoughts. How could she not want this?
Thump-thump-thump-thump- it continued to play loudly, a sound like no other. So strong, so precious, so innocent and unique to their baby that it captured his breath and held it hostage. He couldn't find the words to express how he was feeling or what this momentous moment meant to him. He felt something inside of him flutter, maybe his heart, but he was too distracted by the sound of the baby's heart that he overlooked his own.
His cell vibrated in his pocket, but he didn't care. This was far more important and he wouldn't miss a second of it to pull his eyes away from the probe being pressed against her stomach. His kid was in there, it's so odd to think about, but his kid -currently the size of a strawberry- was growing inside of her.
This was weird, this was strange, this growing feeling within him when he thought he didn't want this. He doesn't but it's hard for him to deny how it's making him feel. He's so confused; he's so torn. His heart may want it, but his mind is desperately trying to convince him otherwise. He doesn't know what he wants but he does know what he needs to do and that's be here, every step of the way because neither Erin nor the baby deserve to suffer for his part in the mistake.
He shouldn't call it that.
It was an accident. Not a mistake. Never a mistake. Never.
He zones back into the melodic sound, choosing to focus on that instead of his life that's currently going down the drain. Abby doesn't know yet because every time he prepares himself to tell her, something happens, whether he's called into work, or she comes bearing good news and he doesn't want to take the smile off her face. She deserves better. He's going to give her a way out.
He's so transfixed. He's in a daze, a blissful high brought upon him by the sound of his baby's heartbeat. This is a feeling that's foreign to him, something that he thought he was incapable of feeling. He can't even name this emotion. He doesn't even know if this emotion has been named.
"Wow," he whispers because it's so hard for him to wrap his mind around something as small as a strawberry being able to produce a heartbeat as strong as the one he's hearing, maybe it's because the volume is turned to maximum, but whatever the reason for it is, the feelings that were brought out of him from it was unmistakable, was something that needed to happen for him.
He may not be completely on board. That's not going to change overnight, that's not going to change after one appointment, but his mind is open to all of this now.
Locking onto Erin's eyes, he expressed every emotion he felt through his gaze. And she understood; it was a parental thing, a parental understanding. He released a breathy laugh, "our baby," he whispered worshipfully before bending over and brushing his lips across her forehead, before suddenly releasing her hand and freezing, "I shouldn't have," he immediately straightens back up, "I'm sorry. I got a little carried away." He takes an immediate step back, putting some needed distance between them, "I don't know what came over me."
"It's okay," she reaches for his hand to squeeze it in reassurance. It was a simple brush of his lips against her forehead, something friends could get away with doing, something her dad does, something that Justin has done to her once or twice. It didn't have to have any romantic symbolism behind it. It's honestly no big deal.
Dr. Bradley allowed them to listen to the overwhelming sound of their baby's heartbeat for a few more seconds before removing the probe and cutting off the machine. He wipes the gel off of Erin's stomach before nodding for the expectant mother to lower her shirt, "Everything is looking good and the heartbeat sounds nice and strong. Most of the time we don't even hear it until further along but your baby seemed determine to let mom and dad know that he or she is growing strong. I'll see the two of you in a month for your next appointment. You can set it up with receptionist when you leave. They'll also give you the do's and don'ts list as it pertains to exercise," she held onto every word the doctor spoke, "I know I asked in the beginning of the appointment but now that you've had more time to think about it, do you have any other questions or concerns about anything?"
"My veins," Jay looks at her, concern laced on his features because he doesn't know where this is coming from or where it's going, "they're like way more…" she thinks of a word that best describes her concern when the doctor answers for her.
"…visible." She nods, suddenly knowing that this isn't the first time he's been asked about this, "It happens, it's nothing to worry about, your body is just carrying a lot of extra blood to your baby."
"And my breasts," Erin lifts her hand to gently rub them for emphasis, "they're sensitive. Always."
"That's normal, also they'll be growing soon, if they're not already so don't look into that too much, okay?" He waits for her to nod before he gives her a gentle smile, "It's just the body's way of preparing you for breastfeeding whether you intend to breastfeed or not."
"…but the baby isn't arriving anytime soon."
"That's true but your body needs all of that time to prepare."
Halstead still felt overwhelmed with rising emotions that he didn't know how to express. This was too much. This was everything. As soon as the door shut behind Dr. Bradley, he felt every impulse to pull his child's mother into his arms, swallowing her small form up into a hug. Her body was tense and his senses were heightened and he suddenly released her again with another apology, "I'm sorry, so sorry," This isn't like him, or maybe it is and nothing has ever excited him as much to bring it out of him. It was all new territory, uncharted areas that he's exploring for the first time.
She smiled, and gave his shoulder a friendly squeeze after he released her from the hug, "You don't have to apologize for being excited."
"That was the best sound I have ever heard."
"Hopefully we get to hear it at our next appointment."
Together, they set the next appointment, looking into their phones at their calendar for a date that's beneficial for the both of them. In four weeks, she'll be officially in her second trimester, fourteen weeks or three and a half months pregnant, but four weeks from today didn't work for their schedule. They'll have to come the week after when she's fifteen weeks, close to sixteen. And when it's officially the start of her second trimester -her appointments after the next one- will increase to once every two weeks instead of once a month, only serving to make this more of a reality for the both of them. Once her appointment is set, she receives a reminder text, one that she immediately forwards to Jay so he can save it in his phone as they walk towards the exit.
"That wasn't so bad, was it?"
"No," he tucks his hands into the pockets of his jeans, "I didn't know what to expect or what to feel but it was nice. I'm looking forward to the next appointment."
"So does that mean you're going to stick around?"
He reaches for her arm to halt her steps, "I was always intending to stick around. I needed, or I guess I need time to come to terms with all of this. You had your time to process it, I just need mine, but I'm not going anywhere. That baby deserves to have both parents," Erin couldn't help but to agree with every word he's whispering, "I can do this. We can be partners in this."
Erin likes the sound of this, she likes the small steps they're making after such a huge revelation had been dropped on both of them unexpectedly, "Being partners in this might be the easiest part."
"…and what would be the hardest?" He releases her arm and the two of them resume their walk.
"Telling my dad."
And suddenly, he stops walking. He'd forgotten about that. With everything going on with the paternity test and the prenatal appointment, it had momentarily slipped from his mind. He starts walking again when he realizes that Erin hasn't looked back, that she didn't stop walking. Erin's car was parked next to his, he'd noticed it when he pulled up and fortunately the spot beside her was empty. She wasn't going to tell her dad if Jay decided to walk away but because he's staying then she knows -he does too- that they have to say something.
"I'm more nervous to tell your dad than I am to tell Abby."
"Just the thought of it makes me queasy," Erin admitted, and it was comforting to know that she was just as sick at the thought of it as he was.
"…are you sure it isn't the morning sickness?"
"I'm positive," Erin sat her purse on the hood of her car in order to dig around inside in search of her car keys, "I just feel bad because I know that my dad already doesn't like you. This'll only make it worse and I want to apologize to you beforehand."
"Why does he hate me so much? I haven't done anything to him," he thinks about sleeping with his daughter, "…that he knows about."
"I think it's ingrained in his personality. It's honestly just how he is."
"And that doesn't make me feel better."
"How about we worry about telling my dad after you tell your girlfriend? You don't need to be freaking out over both right now. And when we do tell my dad, we'll make sure my mom is there."
"Your dad is going to kill me when he finds out."
"And that's why I want my mother to be there. She won't let him kill you and she also needs to know the news so we're honestly just killing two birds with one stone," Erin finds her keys and pulls them out of her purse with an excited yank -she really needs to clear her bag out- before unlocking her car door, "and if my mom fails to hold my dad back then we're both probably dead because my dad will kill you and your girlfriend will probably kill me."
Jay wants to talk about this more, he wants to lay out more of the details, he needs to discuss when and where and who will be there when it's time to break the news but he has to go back to work. He doesn't have the time; he's already pushing it, so when he walks into the bullpen of the Intelligence office a few minutes late, he finds himself thankful that Voight is in his office, on the phone, talking to what sounds like Erin updating him on her appointment on speaker. She distracted him and he sends her a quick thank you text message.
In his haste to resume working, he walks straight by his desk, obviously mistaking it for someone else's when it's covered with three dozen flowers, "Ooo la la," Dawson wolf whistles as he walks over. Jay stares down at the flowers, an assortment of many kind before he looks up to meet his partner's eyes, "Where'd these come from?"
"Your girl sent them."
"Why?"
Dawson shrugs because the card to Jay only read that it was from Abby, nothing more, nothing less, "I don't know but what I do know is that your girl put in an application for the receptionist position here," and that sparks more emotion in Jay than the flowers did.
"Pull her application. Get rid of it."
And when Dawson opens his mouth to speak, he quickly shuts it when he notices the look on Jay's face, he's serious. He wasn't playing. And Dawson turns to do as Halstead requested as Jay is left to pull out his cell and pull up Abby's name before typing a quick message and sending it, you didn't get the position, -JH.
Before he sits his phone down, he adds one final point, apply to accounting firms, it's what you specialize in, it's what your degree is in, -JH.
And not even five minutes later, she's calling him and he dips out of the room to take the call in the breakroom, answering it with the swipe of his finger before pressing the phone to his ear, "I text you to let you know that I applied. You never responded," and he suddenly realized that she was the reason his phone vibrated during the appointment; he forgot to ever look at her message, "I sensed through your texts that you're upset that I applied. I wasn't being sneaky."
"Stick to what you're good at Abby," he whispers because even though he's in another room, if he shouts, he knows they can hear him.
"I'm sorry for overstepping. I thought it would be romantic if we worked together."
"It's not, Abs," he sighs, struggling to calm down, "you sent me a shitload of flowers and then I find out you applied to work here. Save your money, Abby, you don't need to be sending me flowers, especially not that many. I appreciate the thought but please don't send so much next time. And as for you applying to work here, couples need breaks from each other. We live with each other; we don't need to work with each other too."
"I'm sorry," she whispers again, "I did apply to some accounting firms, I'll reach out to them more." He could hear the emotion in her voice, the way her words are breaking and he intentionally overlooks it because he doesn't have the time right now to talk about her feelings.
He simply responds with, "Thank you," before he hears her whisper I love you just as he hits the red button to end the call. Jay was going to tell her tonight but he's angry and she's sad and now would be the worse time ever to lay on more bad news. He needed to find a better time to tell her.
Maybe tomorrow? Maybe the next day? Maybe one day before Erin actually has the baby? He has time to figure this out, he convinces himself, it's no rush. But, to be fair, she deserves to know and within a month's time, he's going to tell her. He gives himself a deadline of a month; he has every intention of sticking to it.