It's finally reached a point in her pregnancy, at 26 weeks, that no matter what she wears, how she sits or stands, or angles her body that there's no way for her to hide her belly. Not that she wants to because at this point everyone that needs to know she's pregnant already knows, but it's the thought of no longer having any control over it, of her stomach having control of its own and expanding far enough to hold her almost two-pound baby comfortably. And it's a little nerve-wrecking knowing how much weight she's gained when her baby only weighs a little over one and a half pounds of the many pounds she's already put on.
It's also reached a point where she realizes that majority of her pregnancy is behind her, that at some point she's going to have to actually deliver this baby. She always had the reminder of labor looming in the back of her mind but to be this aware of it is a little exciting but way more frightening. She wasn't anywhere near ready. She isn't looking forward to giving birth, bringing a baby home and raising the kid. Just the thought of it all sends her mind spiraling into a territory she hasn't been since her early stages of pregnancy, "Distract me," she utters while lying back on the exam table. Jay looks up from his phone to find her eyes widen in fear.
Immediately, he pockets his cell phone and moves closer to the table, "We're going to find out the gender today. That's exciting. Do you want to place any bets on it?"
She shakes her head, "…something that isn't baby related."
Briefly, Jay turns around to grab the chair he'd been sitting on and sliding it closer, positioning it near her head and flopping down, "You're a social worker," he states something that the both of them already know, "have you always wanted to be a social worker?"
"…not always," she whispers seriously, "when I was five, I used to want to be a princess," she ends her remark with a joke before growing serious once again, "In college, I actually considered psychology, I've come close to majoring in it but that wasn't my calling. Despite all the red tape there is in place, I like what I do and the families that I help deserve someone who is passionate and focused. No one really gets into social work for the money because social workers are definitely underpaid, but when you choose to get into this profession it's because of the desire to help and for me personally, I know what it feels like to be in a family that doesn't provide your basic human needs, that doesn't have your best interest in mind or that sees you more as a paycheck than a kid. I know what it feels like to be around sleazy men; men that a mother should never leave her nine-year-old around. I got adopted by the Voights when I was ten but it wasn't before there were a few scars and memories that were already in place. I might can't help every kid, but if I could help one, I know that I've done something good. I don't like all the bureaucratic bullshit but meeting the kids and putting them in safe homes makes it all worth it."
He inches closer in his seat, raising his hand to brush a strand of hair behind her ear, "In the long run of things, years down the line, do you still see yourself as a social worker?"
"I have two degrees in social work," she informs, turning her head to the side to look at him, the paper covering the exam table that her head rests on shifts and tears but that happens all the time so it raises no eyebrows, "I love what I do. I'm committed to it."
"…but?" His hand rests atop of her hair, thumb rubbing against the loose strands that lying on it made shift out of place.
"I wouldn't mind teaching it at a university, maybe be like an adjunct professor so I can still be a social worker full-time," she shrugs, "I don't know, it's just a thought. A stupid one."
"No, it's not. That's a pretty cool thought actually," he continues to run his fingers through her hair, meeting her gaze when her eyes look up to meet his, "My kid's mom a professor and social worker. I hit the baby mom's jackpot." That draws a laugh out of her. It's one that was needed to calm her nerves as they wait for the doctor to enter the room.
"What about you?" She rolls over onto her side so her entire body can face him, "Have you always wanted to be a detective? Do you have any future career goals?"
"I've always wanted to be a cop for as long as I could remember. I did serve two tours in the military but once I got home, back to Wisconsin I mean, I put all my energy into joining the force and I was a beat cop for a while before Mouse put in a good word for me with your dad. I moved down here just to become a detective, just for the opportunity to work in Intelligence."
"I didn't know you knew Mouse. I thought you didn't have any friends."
He shrugged, dropping his hand from her hair, "I wouldn't exactly call us friends. You know about me more than he does. We served together. He had my back and I had his but after our time, we went our separate ways. We became friends on social media a few months before the opening in Intelligence was available and he messaged me, checking in to see how I was doing and I mentioned that I recently passed the detective test and I wanted a change in scenery and he told me about the opening and I thought it wouldn't hurt to apply, so I did."
"…so you did," she repeated in a whisper; her eyes fell towards her belly knowing that such small decisions have such a large, lasting impact. If any of his story had changed, this would have been different; there would be no baby, no doctor's visits and no Jay in her life and if Erin were honest with herself, she doesn't know how she feels about that.
"I wouldn't mind becoming a sergeant one day. I think that would be nice."
Erin smiles and snorts out a sobbing laugh. She's happy but her hormones are on a whirlwind right now. She uses the back of her thumbs to wipe beneath her eyes, "I don't mean to be such an emotional mess," he opens his mouth to interject but she doesn't give him the chance, "but I'm running on a few hours of sleep. It's either my haywire hormones or my constantly expanding stomach that's making it difficult to get comfortable and sleep for longer than two hours at a time."
His hand falls to her shoulder and he squeezes it, "You're not an emotional mess."
"And I'm starting to pee more often, apparently the kid decided to use my bladder as a pillow because the baby is constantly crowding and pushing against it. I thought shit like this doesn't happen until like the third trimester."
"That's pretty normal for the second and third trimester," the doctor says by way of announcement as he enters the room, "so is heartburn, gas and bloating, constipation, Braxton Hicks' contractions and sometimes hemorrhoids too. And I hate to say this but the closer you get to your due date, the harder it's going to be to get some rest. Just look at it as another way your body is preparing you for when baby gets here. Pregnancy isn't easy, Erin, I'm sorry," he sympathized with her.
Jay rises out of his seat to offer his hand to the doctor, greeting him warmly before lowering himself back down. His hand doesn't go back to Erin's hair or her shoulder but instead intertwines with her fingers, and she smiles gratefully, appreciating his patience and support, "We're going to do a glucose challenge screening test today so you've haven't eaten or drank anything but water in the last eight hours, right?" She nods, and Jay turns to meet her eyes, that's probably another reason why her hormones were skyrocketing all over the place, "Great, so after your exam today then you'll have the screening done. Now," the doctor takes a seat on his stool, using his legs to wheel it closer, "I typically don't do an ultrasound at 26 weeks but I'll make an exception for you since you want to find out baby's gender," he smiled and started to gently fold up her shirt, "now what typically happens with baby around this time is your kid is taking breaths, not of oxygen of course but of amniotic fluid. It's some good practice for that very first breath. Your antibodies are getting soaked up by baby to get his or her immune system together and now baby's eyes are forming and pretty soon baby will be able to open them," her obstetrician starts setting up the ultrasound machine, "and you may also want to consider preregistering with the hospital that way when it is time for you to go into labor, you're not stuck registering and filling out paperwork. And since it's the 26th week of your pregnancy, it's safe to say that baby is as big as kale." As usual, Jay pulls out his cell phone to google the size of a head of kale.
Baby has a sense of equilibrium, learning and knowing which way is up and which way is down.
Baby has more fat around the bones and according to what the doctor sees, more hair on the head.
"We usually can find the gender as early as 18 weeks, sometimes sooner, so when you never hinted at wanting to know the sex, I figured you weren't interested in knowing," he moves the probe over her stomach, eyes focused on the screen as he examined the image, "I'm just trying to see if baby actually wants you to know the gender," he took a glance over his shoulder to see both of the parents to be focused just as hard on the screen as he is even though they didn't exactly understand the image they were seeing, "Ah," the doctor leaned back and relaxed, smiling as his eyes flashed back and forth between the screen and the parents, "there we go."
Jay sits up straighter and leans forward, practically hovering over Erin to take a closer look at the screen, "What do you see? Is the baby in a good position to tell the gender?"
"Yeah," he says, looking over his shoulder to see the two of them hold hands; this was always one of his favorite parts, it's why he didn't mind performing an ultrasound during the 26th week, "I see a perfectly healthy growing baby girl," he announces and the small, exam room falls quiet.
So quiet you can hear a pin drop.
Neither one of them had a preference, Erin honestly didn't feel like she was going to have one gender over the other, but to hear it's a girl, to know for a fact that it's a girl sealed the deal on making all of this a reality. She knows the doctor is pointing at the screen to explain how he knows the baby is a girl but there's no way in hell she's able to pay attention to that. Instead, she's looking at Jay and he's looking at her. His own eyes glassy as they peer into her own and she wants to do something, something rash, something that takes a lot of guts because he's a taken man and she's so full of emotion that she doesn't even hesitate to cup his face and bring his lips towards hers.
The second their lips are joined together, tears fall from their eyes, mixing together before falling off their face and landing on their shirts. This is wrong; this shouldn't be happening but right now both of them were so overwhelmed with emotion that neither of them cared. This kiss was different from what she remembered and it's probably due to the emotion behind it. It's not lust, it's not the start to something more, to a night of wild, passionate sex, but more so passion, a kiss to release the built up happiness they felt from receiving confirmation on their baby's gender. No tongue is involved, that almost felt like it'd lead them down a path that they couldn't return from, instead, it remains a simple press of the lips, a smooch that's held as their lips move together in unison only coming to an end because of their need to breathe.
It's her that breaks the kiss first. She's basically breathing for two now and so she lost her breath the fastest, she doesn't know if that's true but she's sticking with it. When Erin pulls her lips back, her head remains and his own forehead is pressed against hers, "I'm sorry," she whispers and he's the only one that hears, "I shouldn't have done that."
"Don't worry about it," he says just as low as she had spoken; his forehead remains pressed against hers and his hand cupped her face, the pad of his thumb swiping away a tear that had fallen, "I know it was just out of excitement and it didn't mean anything." He presses a small, quick peck against her lips before backing away, removing his forehead from being pressed against hers and his hand from cupping her face, the least amount of physical contact right now, the best.
She gets multiple print outs of the sonogram; he gets his usual one. It's a close up of the baby's face and seeing her little nose, her mouth and her fisted hand floods his body with even more emotion, forcing him to stand up and distract himself by putting the chair back where he originally dragged it from against the wall. He needed a moment to collect himself so he didn't grab her face and kiss her this time. The emotions clouded their logic. This appointment was one of the most emotionally intense appointments they've had and it was all due to seeing such a vivid picture of their baby and to even find out the gender.
It's a girl.
It's going to take some getting used to actually labeling their baby with a gender.
"A girl," Erin whispers, walking alongside Jay as they exited the screening; she always forgot how to get back to the lobby and she typically blamed it on her pregnancy brain, but him being here and always remembering made it so she never actually had to put forth effort to recall it, "I can't believe it. A girl, Jay, like we're seriously having a girl."
She holds onto the sonograms, not wanting to put them down or away for a second because it feels like a lifeline right now, she needs them. She steps forward to set up her next appointment and Jay remains in the background, dividing his attention between the sonogram photo and his phone, "I just made the next appointment. They'll send me a reminder text and I'll just forward it to you."
"I just bought two pairs of scratch mittens and a hooded towel."
"What?" She's confused about his random remark until he shows her, "You ordered those fast," she looks at the image of the scratch mittens, -one pair is pink and white polka dots and the other pair is a solid beige, "You ordered that while I was setting up our next appointment?" When he nods, she swipes to see the hooded towel, "now that's freaking adorable," it's a pink bunny hooded towel, so when the hood is on the baby's head, it shows the bunny's face and has its floppy ears.
"I couldn't resist. Ever since that day we took Milo out, I've been browsing online, saving and bookmarking things for both boys and girls. I was just going to delete the one of the gender that we're not having," he admits and before he can pocket his cell phone, it vibrates.
Is the appointment over?- Abs
He doesn't respond. She's home, she'll see him in a bit because that's where he's heading once he leaves here.
"Is that Abby?"
He nods and pockets his cell phone, "Yeah. She's just wondering if the appointment is over," he tells her the truth; he sees no point in lying to her.
"The bonfire is coming up. It's a little over a week away. Are you worried?"
"I'm stressed," he admits and neither one of them are walking because the two of them know that once they exit the building and reach their cars then this is over, "I've tried to talk to Mouse and Ruzek about it but we're not close and it's hard to talk in hypotheticals and get words of encouragement and advice from people who don't know the full truth about things."
"…and I'm pretty sure Ruzek is horrible at doing pep talks."
Jay chuckles, "That too."
"You have my word, Jay. I'll try to make this meeting as uncomplicated as possible. I know it's going to be hard, she has a right to feel how she feels and I can't possibly imagine how she feels about all of this but I'll do what I can to not make it anymore harder than it needs to be."
He wants to hug her but he doesn't; they've had enough physical contact for the day but he only hopes that it doesn't put a dent in their friendship. They've come so far for one stupid little kiss to ruin their platonic relationship. She isn't saying anything as they walk towards their parked cars, parked next to each other, but the silence isn't awkward. It's peaceful. He knows she's thinking about the baby, their girl, and that brings a smile to his face and a thought to his mind.
"I think she should have my last name," it was such a random statement but now that they know the gender many possible names have been swirling through his mind and he's been using his last name in conjunction with the names to see if they had a nice sound to them.
He walks alongside her, "And why do you think that?"
"…because I'm her dad," he shrugs.
His response pulls a humorous eye roll from her, "and I'm her mom."
"…but," he reaches up to scratch behind his ear, "since tradition usually-"
"Jay," she stops walking and turns to face him, reaching for his wrist to stop him from walking ahead, "I'm just busting your balls," she smiles, "it's cool, honestly," he smiles back at her, "I kind of figured she was going to carry your last name anyway. And I thought, you know considering what's going on with you, your dad and brother that it would be nice for you to have a Halstead that'll always be in your corner for once." Erin feels a jolt, a bump of pressure and her hand naturally goes to rub against the area that was just assaulted from the inside, "and I think she agrees." His eyes fall to her rounded belly and she knows what he's thinking, she knows what he wants and she reaches forward to grab his hand to bring it to rest against where the baby is currently kicking, "Do you feel that?" He can't form the words right now so he chooses to silently nod, "I think at some point in her life we should put her in soccer. She's really been going at it lately."
"This isn't the first time she kicked?"
"No," Erin watches his hand caress the area that their baby is kicking against; she must have been asleep earlier because the kicking suddenly started, "months ago I felt like butterfly flutters but I read it could be just the baby moving around or like gas or something. It was only like two weeks ago when I started to actually feel kicks like this."
"Does it hurt?" He pulls his eyes away from her stomach and up to meet her gaze.
"No, it's a little uncomfortable but I'm not in any pain when it happens."
"…maybe that's another reason why you're having trouble sleeping?"
"She doesn't really kick me at night. I think we kind of have a similar sleeping schedule."
When the kicking stopped, they resumed their walk, getting to both of their vehicles sooner than they wanted. But, it was time to part ways. There was no need to stall. She had to get back to work and he was ready to get home, maybe get a nap in before going in for overtime. He hesitates at the driver's side of his car though, watching and waiting for her to get into her vehicle first, "This appointment and the appointment where we heard the heartbeat are definitely my top two."
She smiled at him from over the hood of her car, "I agree. I can't choose between the two."
He opens his mouth to respond again when his phone vibrates, "Sorry," he whispers when it distracts him enough to make him forget what he was going to say. He pulls it from his pocket and notices the message from Abby in all capital letters, AT HOME! EMERGENCY!
A sudden rush of panic overwhelms him. He snaps into detective mode, that urge to protect as he quickly wishes Erin goodbye before driving off. She's left standing in the parking lot confused as to his abrupt need to get away. Jay rushes home, making it there in half the time because he cut on his sirens and lights in his undercover black Dodge Charger, LX platform. He gets home, parking in the first spot he finds that's open, cutting off the sirens and the lights, jumping out and locking the doors while holding the automatic lock over his shoulder and pressing the button. He gives Abby a call as he rushes into the building, quickly choosing between the elevator and the stairs, deciding on the latter when the elevator takes forever to come.
She doesn't answer. And it makes him panic.
He calls her again as many scenarios play through his mind. Did someone break in? Did she hurt herself? He already starts to feel guilty for ignoring her text messages. The only one he read was the one asking if the appointment is over. She could have needed him. And while he didn't love her, he did care about her and he didn't want to see her hurt. He doesn't want to see anyone hurt, it's a part of the reason he became a cop, he wants to protect people and that includes Abby.
Jay gets to his apartment, uses his key to get in and thankfully the top lock isn't latched. He gets in with ease, slamming the door shut behind him and rushing further into the apartment only to come to an abrupt stop when he sees Abby, standing in the middle of the living room, naked.
"Welcome home," she smiles, seductively.
His heart is racing, his face is flushed and he starts to look around, "You text that there is an emergency. What's the emergency?" He isn't even paying attention to her naked form.
"The emergency is," she slowly starts to walk across the living room, "I haven't slept with my boyfriend in months and I need him." His eyes fell onto the tattoo of his name, the appearance of it always manages to make him feel uncomfortable. He steps away from her.
"Are you fucking serious, Abigail?"
"I hate when you call me Abigail. Don't do that."
"Well you don't fake a fucking emergency! Who does shit like that? I rushed home for fucking what? Because you need to get laid. You could have waited."
"I waited long enough," Abby runs her hand through her hair, stopping at the back of her head to hold the strands out of her face, "You were taking forever at that appointment. I'm pretty sure everything is fine. The break baby is probably-"
"Don't call her that," he moves further away from Abby. He needs as much space between the two of them as possible. He's scared about what he'll do if he doesn't get it.
"…call her what?"
"A break baby," Jay clarifies, moving towards the bedroom because right now he's not in the mood for anything: not a conversation, not a meal and definitely not sex, "I hate that term. It's a baby, my baby, and regardless of our relationship status when she was conceived, she's still a baby that didn't choose any of this. Don't call her a break baby because it just sounds so," he shrugs as he tries to come up with a word, "offensive, disrespectful, shit I don't know just don't call her that."
"It's a girl," Abby catches on to the pronoun.
He nods to confirm, "Yeah and that girl didn't do anything to you. I did so don't take it out on her, take it out on me."
"I wasn't trying to be rude to her. I didn't know you found the term insulting. I promise I won't say it again just please don't leave," she's pouting, near tears, "I'm still going to therapy," she lies with such ease that it frightens her a little, "I'm a work in progress. I'm trying."
"What would possess you to fake an emergency? You can't do shit like that because one day it will be an actual emergency and I won't believe you," he warns her, raising his finger and reprimanding her as if she were his child, "look I'm sorry about what I've put you through and I know I've been neglecting my boyfriend duties but there's just a lot going on right now."
He thinks about Voight. He knows that after the bonfire they'll have to tell him. It's no putting it off forever. She'll be here eventually and there's not anything anyone can do about it.
They can't hide a child, and bile rises to the back of his throat at the thought of his little girl being a cause of friction, being the reason for tension when she's the most innocent one in all of the madness, when she's the light in her parents' life, when she's done absolutely nothing wrong.
Jay took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down before reluctantly admitting, "Erin is the daughter of my boss," he stares down at the ground, "and this is all going to blow up in my face."
Abby didn't expect to hear that. It really is such a small world. His boss was probably making things even harder for him now that it's come out that he's the father of Erin's baby. And she wanted to hear more, but she knew that in his current mood, to ask him a question would only make him more upset. Jay sighs to himself, and she wonders what's going through his head, she doesn't ask though, knowing that he probably wouldn't tell her, "I just have a lot to figure out and you faking fucking emergencies isn't helping. This was supposed to be a happy day," he looks up to meet her eyes, "I'm having a girl."
Jay turns around to head into the room, shutting the bedroom door behind him so fast that he doesn't catch the smile that's slowly stretching across Abby's face. She waits for a few minutes, standing embarrassed in the nude until she hears the water in the bathroom cut on. He's taking a shower, and Abby needed to put on more clothes, so without waiting any longer than she already has, she reaffirms her posture and heads forward, cracking open the door to enter, "Abs."
"I just came to put on some clothes."
He doesn't respond and she takes it as the green light to continue. Moving over to the dresser, she grabs her needed articles of clothing before slowly putting them on, thinking to herself and running every piece of information over in her mind. She didn't mean to make him worry but he didn't respond to her text, he made her worry so fair is fair.
Abby will probably be stuck sleeping on the couch tonight but a small part of her wanted to crawl into the bed and pretend to be asleep by the time his shower ended so he'd be forced to just sleep next to her, but knowing him, he'd probably just grab a blanket and a pillow and sleep in the living room instead. Why does he have to make everything so complicated? She's putting forth more effort in the relationship than him and all Abby can do in this moment is blame the kid. He'd be more focused if Erin wasn't pregnant, if she wasn't in his life. It's going to be hard to compete with a baby. And Abby truly feels that it isn't fair to her.
She stretches out her arms and gears up to leave the bedroom, already knowing that she'll be eating dinner alone and probably won't see Jay for the rest of the night. However, the second she takes a step towards the door she hears it, his cell phone, it's plugged into the charger and it vibrates against the end table. And she knows, it's either work, his father and brother or it's Erin and telling herself that it could be an emergency justifies her walking over towards the device, typing in his new password since he changed it weeks ago and going to his messages.
It's Erin. And it's a pretty long message.
I just had dinner with my parents and I feel like the worse daughter ever. I couldn't even laugh at a story my parents were telling me because all I kept thinking about is the fact that I'm lying to them, we're lying to them. We've known that you're the father of the baby for months and we still haven't said anything to them. If we don't say something soon, preferably before the baby comes, then we're both going to be screwed when they inevitably find out, -EV.
Abby hears the water shut off and she quickly presses the button to darken his phone and set it back down before scrambling out of the room. She's practically out of breath by the time she shuts the door and gets to the couch. Flopping down onto it and covering her face to hide and suppress her urge to chuckle. Voight, her boyfriend's boss is Erin's father and apparently, he doesn't know about the baby's paternity, -things just got interesting, especially if Voight finds out they've been lying to him. Jay would probably be fired if he did. And if he got fired then he'd probably want to go back to Wisconsin since the job was the only reason he moved to Chicago. Abby smirks, biting her bottom lip and leaning back into the cushion of the sofa as she weighs all of her options.