A/N: I don't normally post my dialogue drabbles from Tumblr over here, but this one was a lot of fun. Dialogue drabbles are short stories that feature mostly dialogue and little description. I originally posted this in a series.

Deeks walks into the kitchen one morning with Caleb in his arms to a figure seated at the table*

Deeks: Kensi! There's a Russian in our kitchen, eating our bagels!

Callen looks up long enough to nod, then returns to reading the novel he found on the counter*

Kensi, sounding worried from the other room: Which one?

Deeks: Guess.

Kensi, coming in a moment later with Sophia: Oh, it's only you. Good morning, Callen.

Callen: Morning.

Deeks, moving to the counter: Thanks for making coffee. Care to share why you broke into our house at 7:30 in the morning?

Callen, taking a sip of his coffee: It's a little crowded at my house right now.

Kensi, grabbing two pouches of milk from fridge and getting them ready one-handed: I thought you were used to Arkady's visits by now.

Callen, nodding: I am. I'm not so used to his ex-fiancé though.

Deeks, handing Callen a baby and a bottle: Here, make yourself useful. *he goes to help Kensi* Since when does Arkady have an ex-fiancé?

Callen: Since sometime before he met your mom. Did I mention she showed up last night too?

Deeks, chuckling: Oh man, you're kidding! That is just bloodshed waiting to happen.

Kensi: Does someone need to intervene?

Callen, somewhat awkwardly feeding Caleb: No, Anna was refereeing last time I saw.

Deeks: You really left your semi-newish bride to deal with her father, his ex, and his current girlfriend, my mother? You better get her a big bottle of wine, brother.

Callen: I'll buy whatever it takes if I don't have to hear anymore arguing.

Kensi, pulling out a chair: Also, how are you at fixing plugged up drains?

Deeks, in a stage whisper: Hiding out here comes at a price.

Callen: Hey, do you have any Swiss cheese?

Deeks, looking over his shoulder as he stirs a pot on the stove: There should be some in the bottom drawer.

Callen: Thanks. *he starts to make a sandwich* The bathroom sink is unplugged. Oh, and I fixed your garage door.

Deeks: I didn't realize there was something wrong with the garage door.

Callen: It squeaked. Now it doesn't.

Deeks, leaning his hip against the counter: Sweet. *he watches Callen for a few moments* So, how long are you planning on staying? Not that we don't love having you here, but we do have twin babies, three adults, and only two bedrooms between us.

Callen, shrugging: Anna says Arkady, Roberta, and Yuliana are currently in a tenuous stalemate. Yuliana says she's not leaving until she talks to Arkady, Arkady says she lost that chance when she tried to stab him, and Roberta is threatening to practice her sewing skills on Yuliana if she goes anywhere near Arkady. Anna says I should stay put while she tries to lessen the tension.

Deeks, setting a bowl of eggs on the table and sitting: I see. In that case, I hope you're good at changing diapers.

Callen, recoiling: Why?

Deeks: Because the Pastry Twins are about ready to wake up from their naps and few six-month-olds are potty trained.

Callen: I prefer working with kids that are a little more independent. Doesn't Rosa need help with her homework or something? I can teach her Russian.

Deeks: Deeks that would be lovely, but she's already taking ASL.

Callen mutters under his breath.

Deeks, smacking his back: You'll be fine. And afterwards, you can help feed them. Always cheers me up.

Callen, under his breath: Yuliana is starting to look better and better.

Callen: Moloko.

Caleb, staring intently at him as he sits on the carpet: Maaa.

Callen, tilts his head: Better than last time, but we still need to work on your pronunciation.

Caleb: Blows a raspberry.

Sophia, giggling and clapping her hands. Da-da-da.

Deeks, from a few feet away on the carpet: You know, you might have better luck if you try "Wheels on the Bus". They've almost got the horn down.

Callen: It's never too early to start learning a second language.

Deeks, nodding: Agreed, but they can't say "milk" in English yet, so I think you're setting yourself up for failure. The sign is coming along though.

Callen, raising his eyebrow: Since when do you know Russian? *apparently done with the lesson, Sophia leans forward, tipping onto his knee, her little hands grasping his jeans*

Deeks, scoffing: Really? I'm surrounded by Russians. It's inevitable and the only way I can make sure Arkady isn't plotting something especially criminal.

Caleb, tucks his chin and makes a growly noise, reaching for Deeks.

Deeks, picking him up and tucking him against his chest: You know, you're not bad with kids.

Callen: If this is about me and Anna having kids—

Kensi, walking into the room: No. We need another babysitter. What do you do on Wednesday nights?

Callen, speaking to a smiling Sophia: I'm starting to feel the walls close in.

Kensi, Deeks, Callen, Rosa, and the twins are around the table for dinner.

Rosa, passing a bowl of green beans: So, Callen, you never mentioned how you and Anna met.

Callen, glancing to Kensi and Deeks: Uh, it's a little complicated.

Rosa: More complicated than meeting while you're both undercover for different agencies and believe the other to be a criminal?

Callen, after an extended pause: Um, maybe not.

Deeks, with a wry smirk: Rosa's pretty resilient when it comes to this stuff.

Kensi, feeding Caleb some mashed potato: Just if you could leave out Arkady's more inventive crimes for now.

Callen: That leaves approximately two stories I can tell.

Deeks, nodding: And they'll still probably involve multiple crimes. *he pauses to give Sophia a spoonful of puréed carrots* What about your lovely bride? Any updates on the standoff?

Callen: Last I heard, Yuliana was making a verbal list of all Arkady's transgressions while they were together. It could take a while.

Kensi: I guess we better fix up the couch.

Rosa: He can have my room. As long as you don't mind flowers. I paint a lot.

Callen: That's really generous of you, but I've slept on worse than a couch many times before.

Deeks: By choice. *the doorbell rings and he gives Sophia a mock severe look* Hey, don't eat all my potatoes while I'm gone. *she giggles*

Deeks, looking through the window: Ah, speak of the devil. Kens, Callen, it's Anna. At this point, we might as well just invite the entire Arkady clan over and call it a day.

Kensi, sighing: I'll get the vodka and more blankets.

Deeks, genially: Anna, so good to see you. I take it your here to retrieve your long-lost husband. Don't worry, we've kept him fed and watered.

Anna, smiling: Hey, Deeks. Actually, I was wondering if I could come in.

Deeks, resigned: Of course. Welcome, the more the merrier. *then just under his breath* What's seven people in a 2-bedroom house? We can just get bunk beds.

Kensi, standing to greet her: Anna, hey, how are you?

Anna, pausing to say tweak each of the twins' cheeks: Ah. I've been better. I think I might be more stressed than leading up to our wedding.

Callen, rising to kiss her: I thought you said things were calming down between your dad, Yuliana, and Roberta.

Deeks: The world's most dangerous and disturbing love triangle.

Rosa, chuckles: I don't know about that. You haven't heard Roberta's story with the two electricians.

Kensi, wryly: Fantastic.

Deeks: Anyway, getting back on track. What's going on? Is Arkady dead? Do we need to send in the CIA or call a Russian ambassador?

Anna, cracking a thin smile: No, fortunately there was no bloodshed as of when I left. However, Yuliana began sharing some of my father's more colorful behavior and your mother *she nods to Deeks* joined in. The switch was remarkable and a little unnerving.

Callen: And you just left them?

Anna, shrugging: What else was I supposed to do? It got very awkward after a while. When I left, Yuliana was sharing a bottle of wine with Roberta while Arkady tried to defend himself.

Kensi: So, there's a small chance that they might reach an accordance soon?

Deeks, snorting: Are you kidding? You know my mom, Kens. She will happily talk about every minuscule mistake Arkady has ever made for as long as Yuliana will listen. It looks like we're in for the long haul.

Anna: We can get a hotel, right Callen? It's not a big deal.

Kensi: No, no, no. You can stay here. We'll figure out something.

Rosa: So… sleepover in the den?

Callen, happily: I'll make some popcorn.

Deeks, pursing his lips as he puts his arm around Kensi: Kensalina, I fear we have just unofficially adopted two Russians.

Deeks: This is getting ridiculous.

Kensi, in a soothing tone: I know, baby, but it won't be that much longer.

Deeks, not soothed at all: Really? Cause it already feels like it's been forever. Look, you know I love Anna and Callen, and at any other time, I'd probably love to have them here, but I we have no room, it's been two days, and the twins are starting to babble in Russian.

Kensi, putting a hand on his arm: Sweetie, calm down. I don't think babies can learn another language in 48 hours.

Deeks: Callen is very determined. *he takes a deep breath and rubs his hands over his face* I'm sorry. I'm just tired and need some caffeine. Donut and Croissant were feeling extra social last night.

Kensi, grimacing: I know. I heard you get up a lot. Let's go see if there's any coffee left.

They find Callen, Anna, and Rosa in the kitchen.

Anna: Good morning. Thank you again for letting us stay another night.

Kensi: You're welcome. I hope the twins didn't wake you up too much.

Anna: I brought ear plugs.

Callen, pouring them each a coffee: And you know I don't sleep much.

Deeks, nodding: So…any updates?

Callen: Arkady's not answering my texts.

Deeks, in exasperation: Alright, that's it.

Kensi: What are you doing?

Deeks, halfway out of the kitchen: Taking care of this once and for all. *then on reconsideration, he grabs a bottle of alcohol on the way out*

Deeks: Arkady! Open the door.

The door pops open a crack and a sliver of Arkady's face appears.

Arkady: Deeks, what are you doing here?

Deeks, shouldering his way in: Here, I brought you a housewarming gift.

Arkady, quirking an eyebrow at the wine: This is not my house.

Deeks: Exactly. Where are Yuliana and my mom?

Arkady: They are in back. I believe they mentioned something about lunch. Though I have not been considered in such plans.

Deeks, heading for the back door: Wonderful.

He finds Roberta and Yuliana happily chatting and relaxing on lawn chairs.

Yuliana, instantly wary when she sees him: Berta, who is this?

Roberta, sitting forward: It's my son, Martin. Marty, what's going on? Is something wrong?

Deeks, holding up a hand: No, mama. Nothing's wrong. Well, assuming you consider seven people sharing one bathroom not wrong. Did you notice the homeowners of this home are missing in action?

Roberta, shrugging: Hey, I didn't make them leave.

Deeks: No, you just made them extremely uncomfortable with your fighting and death threats via sewing needle.

Arkady, from behind Deeks: Yes, they fight like—like shrews. Or yapping dogs, nipping at the defenseless.

Yuliana stands up and instantly begins berating him in Russian.

Arkady, to Deeks after retorting in Russian: See, this is reason we did not marry.

Roberta, hand on her hip: Excuse me, what did you call me?

Deeks, whistling sharply: Alright, that is enough! In two sentences or less, explain your top grievance with this man. *he gestures to Arkady and then Yuliana* You go first.

Yuliana, haughtily: Arkady told me he had been tasked with a very important job for US government two weeks before our wedding. I never saw him again. And he took my engagement ring with him.

Deeks: Not a good look, man.

Yuliana, warming up now: He also lies! All the times with the lies and the stories. He told me—

Deeks, interrupting: On any other day, I would love to pull up a chair and listen, but right now I'm on a tight schedule. So, if you wouldn't mind. Mom?

Robert: Well, I suppose it's not that bad, but last week he never showed up for our weekly dinner at my house. *she glares at Arkady and he cowers a little* I'm also not a big fan of some of the things I heard about you from your ex. I've dated jerks before, Ari.

Deeks, nodding: Ok, so now we have the grievances. What type of reparations do you think are necessary for you both to get over this Russian scoundrel and vacate the premises?

Yuliana glances at Roberta and they shrug a couple of times before nodding.

Yuliana: A sincere apology would suffice. Otherwise, I will never leave.

Arkady: Apologize? For what? I have done nothing! Ok, perhaps I tell a few lies. But these are nothing.

Deeks, leaning close to him: Arkady, you either apologize to these ladies with the best of your con-man abilities or I will have you arrested for trespassing on private property.

Arkady: You are not agent anymore.

Deeks: You forget I'm friends with your son-in-law, Sam Hanna, and several other law enforcement agents who would happily put you behind bars.

Arkady: You would not dare. *Deeks raises an eyebrow and Arkady puts on a contrite expression* Yuliana, my former love, I am deeply sorry for abandoning you on our wedding day. I don't deserve your love. Roberta, my dear, my feisty woman—

Deeks: Speed it up.

Arkady: Roberta, I promise to never treat you so poorly again. Will you forgive me?

Roberta: What do you think, Yuliana? Should we forgive this pathetic man?

Yuliana: It was satisfying to see him grovel. Why not? Roberta, do you have plans?

Deeks, as they wander off, making plans to go shopping: Oh, thank god. Maybe I can finally get some sleep.

Arkady: But first you just drive me home since I ride here with your mother.

Deeks, talking to himself: A jury would accept a plea of insanity.

Deeks and Kensi, each holding a twin, walk through the house with Anna and Callen.

Deeks: Did you guys get everything? You want to do a quick sweep through the house?

Anna: Since we didn't bring anything with us, I think we're good.

Callen, sarcastically: Aw, are you gonna miss us? We can stay longer if you'd like.

Deeks, bluntly: Actually, I want to make sure you have no reason to come back for a good couple weeks.

Kensi: Deeks, be nice! But also, when are you leaving?

Callen, checking his phone: We'll be out of your hair—wait, I just got a text from Arkady.

Deeks: Callen, I swear to god—

Callen: Relax Deeks, I'm just messing with you.

Anna, dryly: Mm, he thinks he's so funny. Kensi and Deeks, thank you so much for your hospitality. We really appreciate everything, especially your help in making our house inhabitable again.

Kensi: We're glad to help.

Caleb, happily: Ma!

Callen, pleased: Very good!

Deeks: Ok, get out of here before you teach our kids something truly terrible.

A few minutes later, Deeks closes and locks the door leaning against it*

Deeks, with a released sigh: Finally, we're all alone.

Kensi, crossing over to him: I noticed. And that means we finally don't have to worry about prying eyes. *she kisses him, lingering for several seconds*

Deeks, breathlessly: Ok kids, nap time is early today.