Chapter Eight: Fly Back to the Stars
Danny felt sick to his stomach. Even in Phantom form, his nerves were frayed and his thoughts were racing. Usually being a ghost eased his anxiety, deadening his frantic heartbeat and stopping his rapid breath. But he just couldn't shake the conversation with Lancer. The way the man had stared at him, the way that his green eyes had seemed to see straight through Danny and into his very soul. The look of reverence his former teacher had given him only made him want to curl up and disappear. Danny wiped a glowing tear from his cheek, wishing he could take back everything he had just admitted.
The cool night breeze was a comfort at least, as well as the blur of stars whizzing past Danny as he flew. The Lancers lived on the edge of a quaint little town, the sky above their home mostly free of light pollution. Amity Park had been covered in a perpetual fog following the accident, the stars were often obscured by the grim aura that hovered over the town. Seeing them so clearly now was somewhat calming. Danny hated leaving Sam like this, knowing that he must seem like a coward. But he needed to escape, couldn't stand being in that house.
Why had he never told Sam that he had saved Lancer? Honestly, Danny was starting to lose track of all the things he hadn't told Sam. He had promised to be honest and open with her, but his secretive nature was battling him and he was breaking that promise constantly. He had told her somewhat vaguely that he had saved humans from Amity before, this was true. But it was hard to talk about it, hard to bring it up. He had failed to save so many more. In the beginning, he had been so weak and frightened. He saw many people taken by that evil, despicable town.
Danny closed his eyes, letting the sharp wind sooth his face, simply going forward with no destination in mind. He had been so naive to think that simply leaving Amity would change everything. It hadn't erased the things he had seen, the ways that he had been shaped and changed by the town. He felt alone in ways he never had in Amity. Where he once could allow himself to dream of escape, or to dream of a different lifetime now he knew for sure that he was still the broken boy that had crawled out of the remains of his home. He would never get those eight years back, never get his family back. His fate was to be one of a kind, unique in nature and unique in experience. All he had was Sam, and he feared that he was losing her.
Would she have been happier if she had never come back and discovered the truth? She would have never known the full extent of the tragedy of what had become of her old town. She would have missed and mourned him, but he would have been at peace in her imagination. She would have never learned just how messed up and lost he was. Now Sam was stuck constantly trying to fix something that was unfixable. The thought that he was only screwing up her life now haunted him. Her family wasn't even talking to her because of him!
Danny slowed, his eyes opening once again. He was somewhere in the middle of nowhere, no homes or buildings in sight. A black, glittering lake was below him. The reflection of his glowing form was so small, dwarfed by the sheer expanse of the water. Staring at it gave him the same sense of insignificance that he got from studying the images captured by satellites. Everything was so puny and small in the vastness of space. His fucked up life was a blip, just a drop of water in an endless sea. No one was around anymore to care or remember him besides Sam and Lancer. And he had fled, abandoned them the second he had felt himself under scrutiny. His self-hatred made him terrified of being seen, even while he desperately craved for someone to really understand him.
Danny sighed, hanging suspended in mid-air. Maybe it was imperfect, but what else was there? There was nowhere nor no one to run to anymore. Even Amity lied in ashes, finally at rest. Could he inflict himself on Sam any longer? The idea sent a bolt of panic through him, but he didn't know what else he was supposed to do. Maybe the only way forward was to go back, bear with the pain. Neither one of them could keep this charade up anymore. Danny looked over his shoulder, seeing faint lights in the distance. He had made a commitment to her, just as she had to him. He turned, flying back in the direction he came from.
Danny phased into the guest room, silently dropping his transformation. Sam was in the bed, curled up with her back away from him. His chill must have alerted her, because she turned to meet his eyes.
"You're back." She said simply. The clock on the nightstand read 2:17 AM. He had been out for much longer than he had realized.
"I am." He said. "I'm sorry." The apology was simple, it couldn't possibly represent the full extent of what he was sorry for. For the accident, for making her mourn him for years, for turning her world upside once again with his return into her life. For being weak and a constant disappointment.
"Come lay down." She said, shifting across the bed to give him room. He obliged, laying on top of the covers next to her. "Where'd you go?" She asked. He got the impression that the question wasn't so literal.
"I don't know, I just flew in a random direction. I ended up over some lake."
"Hmm." Sam said. Her voice sounded tired and Danny felt a pang of guilt as he realized she had probably not slept at all.
"Is Lancer mad at me?" He asked. He was a bit embarrassed by how small his voice sounded, like a kid afraid of being scolded by his teacher.
"No, he gets it. He's very understanding." Danny didn't miss the chastising tone there.
"I'm sorry." He said again. "I'm not an easy person to deal with." Sam rolled over, staring into his eyes.
"Pisces." She finally whispered after a pause. Danny was taken aback, before a small smile cracked on his lips.
"Yeah, I guess so." He relented.
"But I'm more stubborn than you." Sam said. Danny was beginning to realize this; she wasn't going to give up on him so easily. He thought for a long moment, sensing the challenge. He wanted someone to understand, but that required him offering up a piece of himself in return.
"Any secret at all." Danny finally offered. "Ask me for whichever one you want." His heart was quickening, far less sluggish than usual. He could feel his palms sweat. Sam studied his face, thinking long and hard about it.
"What's that scar that you hide? The one on your chest?" She asked. It wasn't exactly what he had expected her to ask, and he really wished she hadn't. But he had promised. He felt his hand travel to it, rubbing his shirt unconsciously.
"Do you remember how I said things went badly the first time I went home? Back to my parents?" Sam nodded silently. Danny took a deep breath. "Well, obviously they didn't believe that I was their son. They thought I was just some ghost who was trying to steal his name and face."
"You never told me what they did to you." Sam said. It was true, he had only said that he very nearly died.
"Well, I was still young and weak. Everything was so confusing then." He whispered. "They overpowered me pretty easily. Then they strapped me down to one of their tables and they tried to dissect me." Sam's eyes watered and a little gasp escaped her lips.
"I'm so sorry." She murmured. There was a spark of regret in her eyes, like she wished she could take the question back.
"It's okay, it's not your fault." Danny shrugged. "They had just sliced my chest open before Jazz seemed to snap out of it. She stopped them from going any further. It gave me enough time to escape. I never went back until we went together to shut the portal down."
"That was the last time you saw her." Sam said. He nodded.
"Yeah. I guess…she found some kind of peace that the other ghosts couldn't."
"She broke the curse by saving you." Sam guessed. "Because she could recognize your humanity, she got hers back."
"Maybe." Danny said noncommittally. "We were never really a spiritual family, I couldn't begin to tell you what happens when ghosts fade away or why. It was always so clinical with my parents." Sam seemed to weigh something in her mind.
"You believe in souls, right?" Her eyes were wide.
"I guess." He said, uncomfortable. It was hard to figure out for himself, metaphysical questions about the afterlife were something almost untouchable in his mind. Thinking these things only raised questions about his own half-life that were unbearable to ponder.
"My grandmother was very spiritual, but I've never really known where I land on that question myself." Sam admitted. "But I believe in the soul." Sam's hand inched towards his chest, grazing his shirt. "Can I…?" She asked, looking unsure.
"Sure." Danny breathed. He pulled his collar down, enough to expose the silvery scar. Sam's fingers trailed across it, feather-light. He fought the urge to shiver under her touch. That dense ball of energy in his chest that ignited whenever he was Phantom and hummed quietly whenever he was human seemed to pulse quicker. Was this his soul?
"I'm glad you came back, Danny." Sam said, pulling her hand away. He let go of his collar, covering the scar once again. Back to this house? Back into the real world? Back to life?
"I'll always come back." He said solemnly. "I might…I might be distant sometimes, I might run away. But I think I'll always come back." He felt their hands entwine. "Where else would I go?"
Danny woke up to the smell of bacon wafting through the air. He sat up, stomach grumbling. He hadn't really eaten very much yesterday and he was really feeling it now. Sam was already out of the room and he could hear her voice through the door. Danny groaned, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. Well, better to rip the bandaid off sooner than later, right?
He rose out of bed and quickly changed into his fresh clothes, having slept in his jeans and shirt. As soon as he was decent he hesitantly opened the door, creeping out into the hall. The walls were covered in framed photos of Lancer and Arlene smiling happily. Some pictures were obviously taken in a classroom, some with beaming children. Danny had never really appreciated Lancer as a teacher enough, it seemed like the man really adored his job. One frame had a copy of Sam's paper in it, proudly taking its place amongst the rest of the photos.
As he walked towards the mouthwatering smell, he heard laughter coming from the kitchen. Bright sunlight poured through the windows in the living room and Danny squinted.
"Good morning, Danny!" Lancer said, drifting out of the kitchen. He carried a heaping tray of bacon, ham, scrambled eggs, and pancakes to the dining room table. The older man did a good job of not showing any lingering awkwardness from the previous night. "Ready for breakfast?"
"Good morning." Danny repeated, still unsure of how to act around him. "And yeah, it smells delicious." Arlene followed after Lancer, along with Sam. The older woman was smiling, a flour-covered apron still tied around her waist. She sat down and Sam followed suit, setting a plate down with what looked like tofu scramble.
"Thank you, Danny. I love a big breakfast, William makes the best eggs." Lancer shrugged, pulling his own chair out and sitting.
"Arlene is giving me too much credit, it's really the only food I can make half-decently." Danny nodded politely, settling in the empty seat next to Sam.
"I can't cook at all." He said sheepishly. "I burn water." Arlene and Lancer laughed, maybe a bit too much, but Danny figured that they were just trying their best to make him feel at home.
"Well, dig in!" Arlene said, gesturing to the impressive spread. Sam was still pretty quiet, already starting in on her plate. Danny decided that shoveling food into his mouth meant less talking, so he accepted a heaping portion of each food from Lancer. There was way too much for just four people (three really, since Sam had her own vegan plate) so Danny assumed Sam must have informed Lancer of his supernaturally large appetite. The first bite of pancake Danny took was amazing, and his hunger overcame his shyness as he started scarfing his plate down. Arlene was right about the eggs, they were extremely fluffy and well-seasoned.
"Please, eat as much as you want." Lancer said, watching Danny polish off the last of his food. Sure, why not? They already knew he was weird. Danny took a second helping of everything, deciding he might need a third too.
"It's very good." Danny said in between bites. Sam finally piped up, setting her fork down.
"Arlene, you're an amazing cook! I can't believe you've never made vegan recipes before, this is seriously better than half the stuff at restaurants." Arlene laughed, waving a hand.
"You flatter me too much, it's just something I like to do in my free time."
"I think I knew I was going to marry her when I tried her chicken parmesan for the first time." Lancer cut in.
"Ah, well you know, us Italians all have to master at least one pasta dish. It's how we woo men." She joked.
"My dad was Italian on his mother's side." Danny added without thinking. "My grandma used to make really great beef ragu." He flinched, caught off guard by his casual mention of his family like that. The Lancers were more disarming than he thought.
"I'll bet." Arlene said. "My nonna was the best cook I ever knew." As if he sensed an opening, Lancer took his chance and turned to Danny.
"Sam tells me that you're a big reader now. Any good books recently?" Danny lowered his fork.
"Uh…I've been re-reading T.H. White's novels lately. The Once and Future King, The Sword in the Stone, that kind of stuff. I finally read The Book of Merlin, it wasn't available in Amity's library." Danny winced, immediately regretting mentioning his time in the town. Lancer graciously ignored the blunder.
"Arthurian stuff, huh? Sam said you love those legends."
"Yeah, I like the adventure and the romance, they have it all, cool wizards and monsters included." Danny said, rubbing his neck nervously. "But you know…they're really sad too." Lancer nodded.
"Yes, King Arthur is quite the tragic figure. But also one of the greatest heroes in the Western canon. I'm quite fond of those stories too." Danny hummed in polite agreement, feeling like he was seconds away from getting a pop quiz. God, he always hated Lancer's pop quizzes.
"The first one he told me about was The Lady of Shalott." Sam said. "I had to read that in college."
"A very sad poem." Lancer mused. "Well Danny, if you ever need recommendations don't hesitate to ask!"
"William, dear…don't try to assign him homework." Arlene said gently.
"Once a student, always a student to me." Lancer chuckled. "My bad."
"I'll keep it in mind." Danny said, snagging another piece of bacon. Lancer took the cue that the conversion was over and turned his attention to Sam.
"Your gala is coming up, how exciting!" He began. "A well deserved honor." He said approvingly.
Sam pushed her empty plate away.
"Yes, I'm a little nervous to be honest. I'm gonna finally meet the esteemed Vlad Masters." She said, affecting a playfully grave tone. "I hear he's quite elusive."
"Rich men often are." Lancer said.
"Like Bruce Wayne." Danny muttered. He was proud of Sam of course, but the thought of some random billionaire taking sudden interest in Amity was a bit creepy to him. Why did this Vlad guy care so much about their little town?
"Are you going too?" Arlene asked Danny.
"Uh, yeah." He answered, glancing at Sam. "It is for Sam after all. She deserves all the praise she can get." Sam blushed a bright pink.
"It's really all very overwhelming. I'm just glad someone is finally committing to this cause." She said, obviously ready to stop being doted on so much. "My paper is really not the focus, it's about finally giving peace to those who died and their surviving family."
"Maybe they'll build something wonderful there." Arlene mused.
"I was going to try to suggest a memorial." Sam said. "If I actually really get a conversation with the guy. You know how these things go, he might just shake my hand for a photo or two and then go about the rest of his day."
"Either way, we're so proud of you." Lancer reassured. "It's not often that we get the chance to make such a big difference." Lancer glanced at Danny, giving him a meaningful look. "It's always special when we do, no matter how small we may think our actions were in the grand scheme of things." Danny averted his gaze, his throat thick.
"Yeah." Danny agreed half-heartedly. "That's probably true."
AN: for those of you who checked in earlier, I am having to update because the wrong chapter was uploaded? I honestly have no clue what happened, I swear to God that I uploaded the correct chapter because I checked in several times! But FFnet has been acting up for me lately and reviews have not been displaying correctly. Idk man. Anyway, HERE is the correct chapter. Thank you marie0394 for pointing the issue out.