True Elision Chapter 11: Jigoku Judeishyaru, a death note fanfic

Uhhhh….I'm dying…You see the problem is that I've made a sacred oath to finish this fic by the end of July…and I'm Killing myself here!! Wahhh!

Ok, this chapter is super-extra-long, because it's supposed to be the end of Raito's trial. I couldn't resist giving our protagonist a small jab before the end!

As always, I hope this chapter is full of surprises. Most of all, however, this time I hope that people don't misunderstand the way I've chosen to end the trial. It will be explained in the fic why I do the things I do, so I hope everyone enjoys this.

And if you get bored of this trial, just remember…'just this one chapter and then…DADADUM!!!!!'

Finally, this fic will live up to its 'slash!!' warnings…I can't wait!

Hell Judicial

The doll's broken pieces were lying thrashed on the floor. Raito was careful not to step on them as he walked forward, toward the light. His face was fixed in an expression of absolute determination, almond eyes set in a thoughtful frown.

Even though on the outside his face remained just as youthful and robust as it had been at the time of his sudden death, the deepness in his eyes revealed wisdom, a kind of perception that can only be acquired through years and years of experience. Ironically, he thought, as he approached the light and let it blind his eyes, ever since he died he'd felt as though he'd started truly living. As though everything that had happened in the real world, on Earth while he was alive, was just a huge prologue to what would follow.

He stood in front of the portal to the light, his body a black outline against the sparkling shine. He looked backwards one last time, to ascertain that the marionette's broken eye was still fixed on him. It was. He didn't feel intimidated by it any more, but the solid weight in his chest made its presence known again.

He quickly turned forward again. Of course he was afraid to take the step that would lead him to his redemption – regardless of it being salvation or oblivion, as he supposed the two choices would be. Who wouldn't be afraid? And now, the way things had turned out, he wasn't sure that he trusted even himself. True, he'd realized so many things about himself and about his justice recently…but all the ideas were still conflicting in his mind.

On the one hand he didn't want to accept, under any circumstances, that he'd been wrong to act as Kira. He hadn't been wrong to use Misa for such a goal. He knew that his cause was noble all along, which didn't make him the same as any common criminal. However, he'd also realized that, in his effort to reach his goals…he may have harmed more people and in more ways. Misa, for example, who was in love with him to begin with…even though it was neither Raito's nor Misa's fault that she loved him and he couldn't love her, still, somehow, the way that Raito had used this weakness of hers to make her do things that would end up harming her…Of course, he excused himself by repeating that everything he'd done had been in the name of the New World…however, now that he'd actually witnessed his own actions, he wondered if perhaps he'd even been personally enjoying the things that he used to do as Kira as well. After all, having power over other people can be…intoxicating.

Raito had once believed he was even stronger than the Shinigami…a God even. Raito had thought he'd understood the true nature of justice where the gods couldn't…he'd thought he could create a better world! For other people, not for himself. And even though his cause had always been the most important priority of all…after everything he'd seen, and after realizing that not all crimes are committed because of malice…he wasn't even sure that he'd been a good judge. Would the New World be a just world?

In any case, he now had to focus at the present. The door was right in front of him, and the demon had left a hint that this would be the last nightmare that Raito would have to overcome. Now Raito could only hope that the demon hadn't been mocking him again.

But if this nightmare would be anything like the ones before it, Raito thought, he didn't know what he would do. At least that's what he told himself. Because deep down, he still knew that he'd always keep on going, no matter what happened. It's not like he had a choice anyway: he had to reach the end, whatever it may be. Resigning from a fight just wasn't in his blood.

That's what he told himself, as he stepped forward into the light.

He didn't know what he was expecting to see, but the demon's words had affected him enough to make him think he may find himself in some great Roman arena, or a Judo ring. He'd expected to be asked to win another impossible competition or something of the like. Or, if not a competition, perhaps he'd thought he'd enter a whirlpool of light, a hurricane of darkness or something to that effect.

Unpredictable in its predictability: what he found was the exact opposite of what he'd expected.

The sounds of everyday life surrounded him: sirens, people's voices, cars' horns. He looked around, a bit intimidated after everything he'd seen until now. Then he looked carefully at his surroundings and realized what he was staring at, and what he was standing on. It was a street in Tokyo, complete with vertical neon signs and huge television screens on the top of various skyscrapers.

He whirled around to see the door he'd just walked through. But instead of a portal of light he saw a glass door, which seemed to belong to a bakery shop, since it had a sign above it. He tried to walk through it again, and return to the dark room with the marionette, but the only thing he managed to do was to walk into the bakery shop and excuse himself awkwardly, exiting again and moving a few paces away from the shop, standing there, the middle of the street, like an idiot. He narrowed his eyes, looking at the sunny Tokyo morning and the bustling people in the streets.

Had he just…walked into another world? What was this new hallucination? Why couldn't he just…finish this hell and be done with it? Or perhaps…this new hallucination was the end, and like with all other hallucinations, he had to find the right triggers?

"-so then I asked her what kind of leather she was talking about, because if it's pleather then it's completely differe-" a female voice echoed from somewhere on the left, and Raito immediately felt something collide with his arm. Losing his balance, he fell down. He turned around to see what had just happened, and saw a couple of girls, one of which seemed to have accidentally pushed him as she'd been walking down the street. Upon recovering, the girls froze in their tracks.

"Kira-sama!" one of them, the blonde, exclaimed in wonder. "I'm so sorry! I wasn't watching where I was going!" Upon hearing that name, Raito almost jumped. This reaction had been drilled into him after years of being pursued. Had she recognized him as Kira? Were they going to-?

"I'm so sorry!" the blonde girl said again, offering her hand to help him stand up. Raito didn't have time to be aggravated at the savoir-vivre of a hallucination-girl. He was preoccupied with the multiple occurrences that were happening around him, which were overwhelming him.

"Yes!" the other girl, with traditional dark hair and dark eyes, agreed with her friend "Are you all right, sir?" she asked, motioning toward Raito, who nodded a bit numbly. By this time, the girls' voices had attracted a small amount of pedestrians, who had gathered around Raito, to see what was happening. The man stood up quietly by himself, nodding to people to show he was all right, as he bent to sweep imaginary dirt off his trousers.

"Ohhh…he's cute!!!" the blonde one gave a stage whisper to her friend, and Raito almost rolled his eyes. Fortunately, upon seeing there was nothing here to gossip about, most pedestrians started moving away.

If this was a new hallucination game, then he was prepared to play along. And the quickest, most efficient way to do that was to gather as much information as he could. Raito hadn't forgotten the way the blonde girl had exclaimed Kira's name before, and he wanted to ascertain whether she had recognized him as Kira or not. Luckily, she seemed to be quite unabashedly fond of him, so he decided to take advantage of that.

"I'm sorry" he started, giving a characteristic awkward smile which he knew made him look attractive in females' eyes – he realized that he was planning on manipulating people again, and couldn't believe that this need for manipulation was so extremely drilled in his personality. However, under the circumstances, he really needed to gather information. "I seem to be a bit lost…could you direct me to the closest metro station?" he asked. In this way, they wouldn't consider him a complete idiot who didn't even know which street this was, but they would also believe he really was lost.

"Of course!" the blonde woman started, interrupting her friend in an effort to draw all of his attention to herself – even as hallucinations, women are so easy to understand, Raito thought and immediately berated himself. He had to stop 'raping' people – he wouldn't let himself be like Sai! Then the woman directed him to the metro.

Based on her directions, Raito started to gain a vague understanding of his surroundings, realizing that he was situated in downtown Tokyo. If this really was Shinjuku, then it had changed quite a bit since he remembered it: gone where the various 'resting' hotels, host bars and dark faces in the streets. This place seemed much cleaner now. So, in order to advance the conversation and gain more information, Raito decided to ask the girls about this atmosphere.

"Shibuya seems much more organized these days, doesn't it?" he asked, pondering if perhaps 'organized' was too light a word for what he was trying to convey.

But the girls seemed to catch on immediately, and the blonde spoke again.

"Naturally, as is to be expected from Kira-sama!" she said, with a completely cheerful voice. "Over the last five years, he has lowered criminality 7.4 per cent in this part of Japan alone!"

"Kira-sama is amazing!" the brunette then told her friend, and they both nodded in unison. "I don't know what we'd do without him!" Safe to say that Raito could not believe what he was hearing.

Had he actually met a group of Kira supporters? Of course, with this being a hallucination, probably anything was possible. They didn't seem to recognize him as Kira…they were obviously talking about Kira's function in general. Before, when they'd exclaimed Kira's name upon seeing Raito, it was probably a sort of commonly used phrase…it didn't have anything to do with Raito at all…

"Well-" he started saying, but didn't manage to end his phrase, since a loud, piercing squeal interrupted him.

"That man stole my purse!! That man stole my purse!!" a loud female shriek echoed around them, and Raito's company turned to see what was happening. They saw a bearded man running down the wide pavement, looking desperate while holding a moderately sized beige bag. And a woman was left yelling behind him, almost in histrionics.

Raito stifled his urge to say something about the situation, reminding himself that he was in a hallucination, and he shouldn't allow himself to be carried away with the game. He didn't get the chance to do anything, however, since, immediately after the woman started screaming, a group of seven or eight pedestrians moved forward, blocking the robber's way. The robber, instead of acting roughly, looked completely desperate as he tried to escape the roadblock.

Raito's temporary astonishment at this involvement of the pedestrians in matters of justice was doomed to be short lived. Within a matter of minutes, a police car moved in, sirens deafening with their blaring lights.

Amazed at such extremely swift measures, even in a hallucination, Raito was about to express his approval. He didn't get the chance to say anything, however, since the police car door opened and a police officer immediately walked out. All the pedestrians around had frozen in place – the only one still shouting and moving was the robber, who was trying to bypass the meddling pedestrians and run towards a dark alley close by… but the pedestrians left him no room for escape. Then, within milliseconds, the policeman reached to his side and pulled out his weapon, aiming directly at the thief. Raito's eyes widened and his mouth opened as he realized what was about to happen.

It all took place in slow motion. Raito wanted to shout 'wait!' but he never had the chance.

Before he could even open his mouth, the policeman fired.

The gunshot echoed around like the sound of a dying bird in the stillness, and the next time Raito managed to catch a glimpse of what was happening, there was a bullet lodged between the perpetrator's eyes.

The sound of the body as it crumbled to the ground was so loud in the muted silence that Raito thought he couldn't even hear his heart beating anymore. When it was all said and done, the policeman holstered his weapon, as if nothing had happened. The pedestrians who'd been blocking the thief's way walked away, leaving the sight of a wide-eyed corpse, with a bewildered expression.

"NO!" Raito's voice echoed alone in the street, bouncing off the walls of the skyscrapers. The girls and the few pedestrians standing near him turned around, looking at him with an expression of utter amazement.

"What do you mean, 'no'?" the brunette asked, staring at him as if he'd grown another head. "He just stole something."

Raito looked at her, noticing her huge earrings and bug-eyed face. How could she even dare to assume she knew something about justice?

"What if he needed money to feed his family? What if he was sick? He just stole a bag!" he questioned, feeling sick in his gut. "Didn't you see his face?" This hallucination was not meant for him…after everything he'd seen, injustice made him feel just plain ill. But now seeing the woman's incomprehensive face, he decided that he should remember not to get too involved in this situation. It was a hallucination, he reminded himself. A hallucination. No one had been killed, everything was all right.

"Well what about the woman? What about her things? What if she had her respirator machine in there? We should always obey Kira-sama's laws!" the brunette insisted, now placing her hands on her hips in a stance of dissidence.

"She can find another respirator." Raito said "That was just-" He thought of what the woman had just said about Kira, and decided to risk asking her about it. "What do you mean Kira's 'laws'…?"

The girls stared at him strangely "Wow…you're really not from around here, are you…?" the blonde muttered, "Kira-sama protected the world and helped all of us. But ever since he left the Earth a few years ago, he entrusted us with his legacy. Now 'Kira' is the name of our law system." and then she pointed at something. Raito followed her indication and ended up looking at one of the lampposts.

"See that?" she asked, with a cheerful smile, as though she hadn't just witnessed unprovoked murder in cold blood "Only last week, there were cameras installed in all of Tokyo's massive public areas to detect criminality at all times! Most criminals – like that robber just now – probably aren't aware of the exact locations of the cameras yet. Neither are we, of course, but we can guess that most of the times the cameras are hidden in lampposts or in shop signs… The police patrolling the area are instantly alerted in case of turbulence."

'Turbulence?' Raito thought sourly 'What is this, an airplane flight?' But on the outside he just nodded, privately wondering how the Japanese people had been convinced to surrender their privacy for a system reminiscent of George Orwell's '1984' and how Kira's name had come to be associated with cameras in the streets? Weren't the authorities going too far? Again, Raito had to remind himself not to become too involved in this hallucination. However, he still wondered if this was a representation of Tokyo after Raito's death or something. These people seemed to be familiar enough with Kira…

"What does this camera system have to do with Kira?" Raito asked, risking the question and opting to use his charm and milk out information from these willing women.

"Kira-sama? Well, Kira-sama showed us that the only way to stop criminals, once and for all, is to dispose of them. If someone is hazardous to society, he is neutralized." the brunette answered him this time, and she looked positively smug as she spoke about Kira "The cameras are here to improve Kira-sama's New World."

Raito froze. He turned his eyes, which had been roaming around and watching the abandoned corpse of the robber, to focus completely on the girl.

"What did you just say…this is?" he asked, with eyes as narrow as slits. The woman seemed to become intimidated, since she answered quicker than before.

"Kira-sama's New World." She answered, solidly. Raito turned to look at the blonde, searching for signs that he was being mocked. However, both girls' faces looked utterly serious.

Growing numb, Raito let his face sink in an expression of complete neutrality. This hallucination…was a representation of what the world would look like…if Raito had defeated Near and realized his dreams? But…but…

"Kira would never kill a person for such a minor crime….it doesn't sound like him. He only ever killed murderers and rapists…criminals who were unrepentant."

The brunette seemed a bit aggravated; she hardly seemed to have considered Raito's arguments at all. "Kira-sama was sent to us by God, to protect us from the sinners. Of course he would kill a sinner! And we have to follow his teachings." It sounded like a conditioned response.

Raito froze, his blood chilling in his veins. Like a pillar of ice growing in his heart, he realized what was happening. "You said…Kira…sama, isn't here anymore…?" he asked, trying to blend in. Judging by the way these women spoke, the real person 'Kira' – a.k.a. Raito – had already died…

"Yes…Kira-sama was a prophet, and he had God's powers to destroy sinners! Even though he died about ten years ago, he showed us the way, and now we are continuing his work." The woman answered him again, smiling. "Before Kira-sama came, they say that there were laws and legislations. Everyone thought that criminals should die, but no one was brave enough to admit it…then Kira-sama came and proved that crime must be openly destroyed."

'Yes…' he thought sarcastically 'But 'Kira-sama' did not kill everyone indiscriminately, nor did he kill in such a crude way!!'

Without another answer, too afraid of what else he might hear, he nodded, turning to look at the other side of the street. Two policemen had exited the car now, and they were lifting the robber's corpse off the street. The woman whose purse had been stolen was thanking them again and again, for killing the thief. They flung the body in the police car as though it were a sack of potatoes and then, without wasting any time, they entered the – much more technologically advanced than Raito remembered –vehicle and drove away.

Now, the only thing that was left on the street, which could signify the horror that had just taken place, was a gigantic red stain on the pavement, where the unlucky man's had fallen, like a cantaloupe.

"Well…thank you. I'll just… be going now." the man said a little numbly. He contented himself with reminding himself that he was experiencing a hallucination, that none of this was real and that, whatever new horror awaited him, he would soon be relieved from it. This was not real…it was just a cruel representation. A mockery of Raito's greatest ambition.

Of course he had never wanted this, when he'd been imagining the New World! This was just…a huge lie!

"Wait! Don't you want to know anything else?" the blonde girl eagerly asked from behind him, with a voice that sounded vaguely desperate. But Raito just turned toward her slowly, shaking his head.

"I'm sorry…maybe some other time." He didn't even have enough energy to shoot her a smile, simply contenting himself with turning around and walking away with forced congeniality. She was a hallucination anyway. He couldn't care less if he'd leave the wrong impression.

"…Um…Bye…" he heard the voices of the girls behind him, but didn't turn back around. Instead, he just walked forward.

So he ambled down the street, observing. Instead of diesel-powered cars, the streets were now full of ecological automobiles. Truly, this hallucination was an illustration of a futuristic world that Raito had never seen before.

As he walked, he watched the pedestrians. Everyone was smiling. The streets were even cleaner than Raito remembered them – completely spotless. Whenever he heard strangers talking to each other in the street, the words always carried a sense of extreme politeness, to the extent of unnatural.

Becoming distressed by marching down the street, he decided a walk in the park was in order instead.

He'd just started admiring the extreme sense of serenity exhibited by the quiet nature reserve, when he suddenly stopped. There were two boys in front of him, not more than twelve, thirteen years old, and they were playing on the lawn. One was holding and brandishing what seemed to be a plastic dagger, whereas the other was waving a plastic weapon around, shouting obscenities. Raito noticed that the boy had painted some kind of red crosses on his face, as though he belonged to a religious cult of some sort.

"Die, die!!" the boy with the gun mimicked shooting sounds, and the one with the dagger mimed falling down "Criminals should die!"

Raito watched them for a few moments, until the one with the dagger, the 'criminal', stood back up. They tussled for a bit in the way young boys often do, until finally, they stopped. Finally, Raito started moving again, realizing they were staring at him strangely. As he was walking away, he heard the vague voice of one of the boys say:

"Why should I always be the criminal? I want to be Killer, for once!"

'I want to be Killer?' Raito thought it sounded shrewd 'Is Kira an action figure now?'

Raito shook his head, letting his pace build up. Even though this was a hallucination, it was a very disturbing one. If he was expected to believe that this would have happened if his dreams about the New World had been fulfilled, then…

Having lost his appetite for a walk in the park, he headed toward the metro station, belatedly realizing that he had no money to pay for a ticket. He considered asking someone for help, but realized that it would sound completely ludicrous. Not to mention that even attempting to steal one was not an option, considering what this society did to thieves. He needn't have worried, however, since moments later, a security guard approached him.

"Excuse me, sir? May I be of assistance?"

Raito was amazed. Everyone in this world seemed to talk and look like a robot –extremely polite, proper and willing to help…so much that it sounded just plain abnormal, even for the naturally polite Japanese language.

"Um…?" Raito said, not knowing how to say that he was in need of a ticket and had no money to buy one. Besides, he didn't really know why this security man was talking to him in the first place.

"I saw you loitering around and wondered if something was the matter." The security guard said by means of explanation. Raito was tempted to ask if loitering was illegal now, but realized he would rather not bother. This was a hallucination, he reminded himself. Nothing more and nothing less.

"No…everything's fine…" and then, an idea sparked in Raito's mind "…except that I seem to have lost my wallet…"

Raito thought it rather comical that the security guard made such an alarmed face.

"Did someone steal it from you? Did you see the perpetrator? Were you blackmailed or threatened in any way…?" he quickly asked, and his face took a strange look of suspicion. As though he were a rabid dog, who'd been acting calm but secretly waiting for this chance to go berserk all along.

"No, no…" Raito said, shaking his hand in front of his face and giving the policeman an easy-going grin, hoping to calm the other man down. Some pedestrians had even stopped to see the commotion. "Nothing like that…perhaps I just dropped it somewhere. And I had everything inside it: my credit cards, all my money…my doctor's prescription…everything!" Raito went a bit overboard with his explanation, but he couldn't help it. This man's face was just begging to be lied to, not to mention that he needed to give his plight some credibility. "I was just looking for it around here…but I don't think I'll ever find it again! And now I have to take the train to see my little brother…"

The security guard looked suspicious at first, but his look of uncertainty turned to one of compassion according to Raito's words, until finally he was nodding his head in understanding. After a few moments that Raito acted out his melancholy, the guard spoke again.

"You'd do best to inform the authorities about your problem, sir. There is a chance that you may find it…and just in case anyone has stolen it! …For now, however, let me buy you a free ticket for the metro…"

Was this man stupid, a pushover or just overly nice?? Even Raito couldn't believe that he had managed to convince the man so easily! Was this an individualized case of kindness bordering on stupidity, or was this a general phenomenon in this society? These people were utterly confusing: on the one hand they killed criminals and suspected everything, but on the other they were extremely hospitable and willing to serve each other. Raito had some trouble understanding. Nevertheless, he accepted the man's hospitality, thanking him many times for the ticket.

As he boarded the train, he kept thinking that there were some good aspects about this place after all. He looked at the people around him in the train, and was overly surprised at all these calm, serene faces he encountered. No one seemed wary of one another. No one seemed afraid or anxious when talking to strangers. People were much more willing to help than Raito had ever remembered. Even if they were pushovers…they seemed happy and peaceful, as though they felt safe and protected. This was probably because they felt reassured that, if anyone dared hurt another person, that criminal would die almost instantly.

Everything around Raito was smooth and clean.

Kira's…New World? Had Kira done this? Raito almost felt himself burst with pride. This was indeed what he'd been thinking when he'd thought of a better society: a place where people would feel reassured of each other's good intentions, and would not be afraid to buy a complete stranger a metro ticket. A place where people would feel complete safe from crime…

But at the same time, just as he was patting his back for the success of his justice, he remembered those boys he'd seen at the park, shouting obscenities and pretending to kill criminals from the age of twelve. Not to mention that robber, who hadn't looked malicious enough. Of course, Raito could never be sure of other peoples' intentions, but…still, killing a person in cold blood, just because of one action…

And, after everything he'd been through, Raito had stopped taking death so lightly. Sending someone to…whatever happens after life, especially if it's an afterlife like Raito's…is not such a nice thing to do, based on Raito's personal experience.

Finally, Raito reached his destination. Having calmed down substantially since the time he first arrived in this new hallucination, he walked quietly out of the train, grinning slightly along with all the other smiling people around him.

However, just as he stepped out of the train, the first thing he saw was a policeman, with his pistol – higher tech. than Raito remembered – out in the ready.

This time, the scenery was different than before. There was a grimy-looking man holding a knife over a teenaged girl's throat, and his face didn't look at all desperate – it was rather malicious instead. Just as monstrous as Sai had been when he-

Raito stopped that trail of thought.

"You'll never stop-!!" the man with the knife started shouting, but the policeman shot him before he could finish the sentence. The gunshot echoed around the station. The crowd, who had all stopped moving – to give the policeman a clear headshot, Raito realized – resumed its movement. They were shaking their heads in astonishment and disappointment for a few moments, and then they all approached the policemen and started thanking them.

Raito thought that these public cameras might actually be useful, since this kind of sexual harassment in the station would normally go unnoticed by authorities. Perhaps the idea of cameras was not all that negative after all…

Raito stared at the trembling teenager, who was shuddering and saying 'thank you' to the police. He heard a policeman saying 'No problem, Ma'am. He deserved it." And then Raito turned to look at the criminal, whose blood was now trickling over the platform. He found that he couldn't disagree with the policeman – men like this one – like Sai – really were better off dead…but…

But this was not Kira. Kira's work had been different. More refined. It had a sense of Godhood to it – of divine Judgment…whereas a gunshot appeared crude, like human murder…Not like Kira. This people had the right to do what they wanted with their legal system, but Raito was upset by the fact that they were abusing Kira's name. Kira was something greater: the struggle for his ideals to persevere, the epic fights with Ryuuzaki and his scions…Kira was…Raito. No one could ever understand the very essence of being Kira as well as Raito had. Not Misa, not Mikami, and certainly not these-

"Are you all right sir?" Raito heard a voice from his left, and it took a few moments for him to realize that someone was talking to him. He turned around and saw the policeman, the one who'd shot someone a few minutes ago, staring at him in concern. It took a few moments for Raito to realize that his body was trembling and that the policeman was concerned about his health.

"Fine…" Raito muttered, with a slack jaw. The policeman was smiling, completely jovial. As though he hadn't just killed someone. Like the security guard Raito had talked to before. For some reason, Raito had expected the policeman to be cruel, mean. With some underlying psychosis, even…however, the policeman looked utterly normal. Just like a soldier who's been sent to war – just because he's ordered to kill someone doesn't make his act…murder?

Could that kind security guard kill someone? Just like this kind policeman could? And to what extent could-? What was-? Why-?

When the hell had everything gotten so very difficult?

Raito nodded again and moved away, trying not to walk too fast lest someone suspect him of being a criminal's accomplice or something. Apparently, the people in this society didn't have any qualms about manslaughter. If someone committed even a minor crime, there were no inhibitions about killing him.

Well, Raito couldn't deny that all criminals were being effectively wiped out, and that society was surely cleaner…But when he'd been thinking of a New World, he'd been thinking of a place completely without evil…not a place where everyone was becoming desensitized.

He didn't understand why this was happening, exactly. Even if it was a hallucination, Raito could only suppose that it was an extremely realistic one, designed to make him live his dream. However, what he'd thought would be a perfect paradise was turning out to be just another part of hell. Because…

Kira's ideal world…didn't seem to work.

If Kira had indeed defeated Near and created the New World…then, logically, after all the constant punishment…criminals would simply stop appearing, right? Just like with ants, or cockroaches, criminals would eventually be vanquished. Only then would society truly be cleansed! But this didn't seem to be the case…even after all these years, Raito was still seeing criminals around. The only difference with before was that they were being killed immediately, without being allowed to walk around on the loose. But evil was latent everywhere, even though there was an ever-present fear of punishment. Why?

Even though he'd felt cheerful at the balance of this society before, while he'd been on the train, now he was aggravated again. And he wasn't aggravated at the fact that criminals were being killed. After all, if he wanted to be completely honest with himself, the Death Note was a form of murder as well, only a more indirect and clean one.

The problem was that, apparently…Kira's New World…

It didn't matter how clean society had become…criminals were still here. People still talked with percentages: this year, criminality has fallen 5 percent, etc. Why couldn't criminality just stop altogether…? Because…there were people like Sai around?

But were malicious criminals idiots? Didn't they understand that they'd be killed if they attempted crime in public? Why did they not learn through punishment? How many of them had to die to simply prevent people from committing crimes?

But then again, what about crime born out of necessity? Raito remembered the way his father, and later himself, been forced to rape Sayu. Was this why crime could never be extinguished? As long as human needs, values, ideals and beliefs existed…the danger of crime also exists? Like Abraham in the Jewish scriptures, who was prepared to slaughter his child out of necessity?

Then again, perhaps crime was in human nature itself. Some people were just…born that way. Like Cain and Abel, where jealousy created a rift, which led to murder…

Would Kain be better off dead? However… if Kain hadn't kept living after killing Avel, he would have never had the chance to repent. If Kain had died because of justice…then there would be no scriptures.

Repent…repent…

How to make them stop committing crimes without killing them off? It's simply impossible! That's why Raito had resorted to the Death Note all along. That and the fact that he'd wanted to use it, anyway, since he'd been granted something so powerful. To try and make someone stop committing crimes…to try and change someone's nature…to try and create a conscience where there was none…this was exactly what all those years of useless law enforcement system had tried to do – and failed.

But on the other hand…seeing this world now…killing them off didn't seem to work either. Did nothing work?

How was he supposed to understand justice anymore, when he wasn't being given any feedback?

He didn't feel as sorry or guilty for the latest death he had seen as he felt for the robber before. But in any case, this did not alleviate the fact that he had witnessed two hallucinogenic murders within two hours, and he didn't feel all right at all. Was this what a perfect society was supposed to be?

He started walking away from the scene, along with the rest of the unperturbed crowd. And what could be said about the policemen? Kind and polite, until they saw you do the wrong thing. Then they became killing machines – like soldiers dropping bombs over Hiroshima – and no amount of begging could change their mind, because they were following orders, not thinking about who deserves to die and who doesn't!

In any case, trying to wipe these thoughts away, Raito walked out of the station. He'd decided to visit a familiar place, in hopes of resolving this new panic that had spawned around him.

Immediately, as he exited the station, his vision was overcome by an oasis of cherry trees. He hadn't seen a Sakura park in this part of town before…it must be a new addition to Tokyo. Raito looked at the park and saw a group of children with what seemed to be their teacher.

They looked…happy. Safe.

He didn't understand! Was this world right or wrong?

This hallucination, just as all the other ones, was extremely realistic. Sighing again, and feeling like he was being put through some new kind of interrogation, Raito turned around, looking for the HQ building, which had become his point of origin in this crazy hell.

But he was doomed not to see the building today. Right in front of him, standing tall and filling all his vision, was a gigantic religious shrine.

And perhaps most importantly, it was dedicated to 'God Kira'. He looked at it numbly, not realizing what it was, at first. Then he staggered a bit, feeling his knees weaken.

It wasn't only that he was too amazed by what he was seeing. It was also the fact that he'd just realized exactly where this temple was built. It occupied the space where the old HQ building used to stand. L's glass obelisk of computers and machines had been wrecked, and in its place was built this…this…temple.

Since Raito was curious to enter this thing, despite feeling a bit intimidated by the sheer massive size of it, he steeled himself and walked forward. Somehow, he felt he should be feeling more excited about this. This hallucination was obviously a presentation of what the world would have been like if Raito's Kira had prevailed. Therefore, why was he feeling so…numb about it all?

And so, he went inside, passing through a pedestal with a huge statue upon it. He stood still and stared at the Baroque-reminiscent sculpture, which was the representation of two people. One was a knight in full armour, with one hand raised up in the air pointing at the sky, and the other stretched in front on him, pointing downward at the second sculpted form – the form of a man lying on the ground, holding his chest over his heart. It was as though the knight – Kira, obviously – was drawing his power from…the sky?…to provoke a heart attack.

Raito's own heart gave a painful lurch as he observed the statue of the man in pain: he remembered very well what it felt like. Not only that, but he keenly remembered Ryuuzaki's strained face as the detective left his last breath in Raito's arms. At that time, Raito pondered sarcastically, Ryuuzaki had also seemed not to think much of what it had felt like.

On the marble pedestal beneath the statue was an inscription, in English. Raito kneeled and read it.

'Strike fear in the heart of evil, and your voice shall be heard.'

Now Raito was becoming angry. Who did these people think they were, taking Kira's ideas for a purified world and turning them into...into...some kind of...travesty? Even if this was a hallucination...was he supposed to believe that this was the Now World that he had wanted to create? He'd always wanted calmness and serenity...and of course, a tribute to his own power. However, he wanted the tribute to be about how persistent and powerful he'd been when trying to promote his ideals to the world and oppose the restrictive governments. He wanted books to be written about his achievements – about how he'd finally defeated L! He didn't want... something that looked like it came out of a half-Shinto, half-Christian, and half-Buddhist fashion show!

As he walked, Raito carefully observed every single part of this so-called temple: everything around him was painted red: the paved little street that led from the gates to the main temple, the leaves of the surrounding trees, the wooden columns that adorned the garden. It looked like a bad Feng Sui advertisement.

Raito turned around, pausing in his tracks. Just as he was staring around the huge red pillars in wonder, he heard a voice.

"It symbolizes the blood of the sinners…" a male voice suddenly rung, and Raito turned around to see a sage-looking man in a red robe approaching him, obviously the caretaker of this…institution. "The sight of their blood purifies this world, and reminds us always of our duty."

'Duty'? But Raito had thought that it was his duty, not theirs! Being Kira wouldn't be half as important if everyone could do it!

He was getting angrier by the second. This was completely and utterly wrong. There was never any blood involved! It was a clean job of quickly disposing of criminals! That was the entire point of the Death Note – and the entire point of purification itself! Not this…this…charade! If they didn't have the Death Note, then…

"But won't the blood send the wrong message to Kira's believers?" Raito asked, weighing his words carefully when talking to these people "Kira's work is not about carnage…it is about purging and purifying."

"Of course it is." the man answered, nodding his head compassionately "Kira is much too graceful …Kira's work is God's work. Kira is God. Who else could provoke a heart attack? This temple is just a tribute to his ideal…it serves to remind the evildoers of what awaits them if they persist on their ways."

Raito's pulse was starting to thunder. Somehow, he'd thought he'd feel much more ratified at being called God than he currently was. Instead of this man's words, he could only hear Mikami's malicious screams in his mind. He asked the thing he wanted to know most:

"If Kira's way of doing things is really so effective…then, why, after years of living by Kira's rules are criminals still walking in the streets?"

The other man stayed silent for a while, as though contemplating his answer. Raito mentally cackled, realizing he had won the argument. And then, finally, the red clad man turned around again "That is because evil is ever-present in the world. Life would have no meaning without the constant effort to vanquish it for the sake of vanquishing." A small pause followed, and then an extravagant smile "After having accepted that it is not an evil to vanquish evil openly, we are all so happy and balanced."

Raito thought of the cameras he'd seen…the fact that people were accustomed to seeing murder without batting an eyelash…The fact that everyone was extremely nice to each other, until someone wasn't so nice, at which point that dissident was simply deemed a hazard and killed. Was this really… the better society he'd dreamt of, where evil does not exist…? Was this really…'balanced'? Because, by now, he'd lost all hope that this place was purged of evil – obviously, that could not be done. But, to his woe, he realized that it wasn't even balanced.

People didn't even seem to be able to discern good from evil anymore. They had a few names to identify crimes: 'stealing' 'murdering' and so on, but they didn't manage to separate malicious crimes from crimes of passion. In fact, this society technically applauded murder – some murders excusable and some not – every day. That didn't make them much better than the criminals themselves, despite their noble causes.

Raito caught himself, amazed at his thoughts. How could he think something like that? If something like that was true, then he'd been a murderer as well! No…no…the point wasn't whether he'd been a murderer or not. He'd said all along to Ryuuku that he didn't care about committing sins, as long as there was no Heaven or Hell…That 's why Raito had decided to carry the weight of the entire world in his two hands, and show the world an Apocalyptic event. He'd considered it his personal duty to cleanse society – he'd considered the Death Note his duty, because power becomes power only when it is used.

Only then would his struggle and Godly title have meaning: if he succeeded in creating a society without evil, by doing everything on his own and not bringing any more people in the position to chose who to convict and who not to convict. By succeeding where the world order had failed: only then would he be like a God.

Naturally, at that time, he hadn't known about death. He hadn't known a single thing about Gods.

After a few minutes, he slowly exited the shrine, thanking the caretaker – or whatever monk-like thing he was – for his 'kind advice' and walking at a slow pace. He looked back at the temple, and, unexplainably, wanted to see the Headquarters. Regardless of all the other problems, this temple was just horrible, as was this entire 'Kira religion': a mixture of Renaissance sculpture and Japanese architecture. Just plain garish. Raito had wanted respect and dignified honour.

As he walked, he heard a small child asking his mother for an ice-cream. He started idly wondering what he would do now that there was obviously no HQ building to visit. His eyes caught a café in the corner of the street and he decided.

The clerks were all nice and polite. The waitress' smile seemed permanently stuck on her face. People around chattered happily, and not once did Raito pay any attention to them. Instead, he looked outside. There were three kinds of recycling bins on this street alone. Everything was so …'good', and yet, excessive in its goodness. As though these people had something to hide beneath their façade of calmness.

Like a dark underlying plague, evil still existed, now not only in the minds of criminals, but also in the passiveness of the general public. There was no one to even question the death penalty! This was not what he'd dreamed…he hadn't meant to cow the general population. This was all wrong.

Belatedly, as he looked at the swirling colours of his tea, he realized that, even if he'd won in his struggle, the world he would have created would eventually look like this. While Kira would live, the New World would be fine…but after his death, just like with all grand figures and dictators of history, his legacy would be completely distorted, his words used to defend different values than the ones he'd originally intended.

Until now he'd thought that he'd failed his ideal because he'd been defeated by Near. But apparently, as illustrated by this extremely naturalistic presentation…

He would have failed anyway? It seemed impossible to vanquish evil completely. This idiotic priest had accidentally said something substantial amongst all the other cant: evil exists to be vanquished, for the sake of being vanquished. How could the meaning of 'good' and 'bad' be understood, if there was no evil to separate the two? Would a peaceful society appreciate peace in the same way as a society, which has known evil?

By trying to create a 'peaceful' society, completely unaccustomed to evil and hardship…was he just trying to create a dumber society? It is obviously unachievable to destroy evil completely. But if, in an ideal situation, evil could be wiped out…the situation in a completely benevolent human society would be exactly the same as it had been for Adam and Eve in Eden:

Peaceful, balanced…but deprived of everything that defines a human. (2)

Deprived of the sweat, the tears, the struggle, the deprivation. After a long struggle to reinstall themselves in paradise, Adam and Eve will appreciate their peaceful coexistence much more than they originally did, when they'd just taken it for granted.

When Raito had been alive he had thought that a perfect society would be the ideal. But now, after bleeding and sweating, after fighting to learn and defeat his own fear…he felt more alive than he ever had. For certain, before he'd been given the Death Note he'd been piteous and quiet…but also so very ignorant and dull.

And now look at him. He'd killed, he'd died, he'd learned pain, he'd learned suffering and he'd learned courage. What meaning would his current existence have if…if evil did not exist?

But did victims…want revenge? Did Raito want revenge from Sai?

Yes. His mind readily supplied, but at the same time, an equally strong thought erupted from somewhere What's the point?It's not like he'll feel sorry if I rape him in return. He'll just become even more vicious.

He didn't understand what he should do!

Justice…!! The power of justice was abandoning him!! In the end, that's what he had been ordained to do: attribute justice. Help people feel…as though they were justified!

Not to mention that, obviously, Justice wasn't being attributed effectively…Even though Raito had studied the history of the judicial system and deemed it ineffective time and time again…the thing he was seeing now was still not the answer.

Just as he was lost in his musings, he heard a little girl's voice echo from his right.

"Mama…!" the child called, in the distinctive needy voice "Mama…look what I found on the floor!"

Raito turned around curiously, since the tone of the child's voice drew his attention. He saw the little girl, complete with pink ensemble and flowery hair accessories, waving 500 yen around in the air, in front of her mothers lap. Her mother's face seemed curious at once, but the moment she noticed what the child was holding she released a gasp and her expression became scandalized.

"Natsuko..!!" the mother said in a hushed tone, privately chastising her offspring. Raito watched the woman's obvious nervousness with interest "Put that where you found it! Right now!"

"But mama—" the girl whined.

"I said put it back!" the mother's tone was harsh.

Raito raised a mental eyebrow, but on the outside he kept his expression blank. Five hundred yen was not that much money – the woman could have kept it if she wanted, or considered it a stroke of luck. However, instead of keeping the money someone had obviously accidentally dropped in the café…she'd left it right where she found it.

Raito wondered if this attitude had anything to do with the fact that the woman may be afraid of being called a thief and persecuted. And if every adult who saw the money refused to pick it up…then exactly how long had the money been lying there, waiting for its rightful owner to pick it up.

On the one hand Raito was pleased, seeing that the people in this society were completely honest – perhaps honest to the point of idiocy (1) – and that Kira's punishment had indeed intimidated them…but on the other hand, Kira was supposed to strike fear in the hearts of criminals, not innocent people…why was Kira seen as a dictatorship? Had he always been seen that way?

"Are more people happier like this?" he asked himself aloud in a tone of mild befuddlement, talking more to himself than to anyone else. He asked yet again, as though unable to believe it. Even though this world had some good elements…the problematic aspects were much more pronounced, Raito admitted, with a knot in his throat.

Somehow, even though everything was superficially perfect, this place didn't feel satisfying enough. There were still criminals around. When he'd been thinking of being a God of the New World, he'd been expecting crowds to cheer at Kira's extreme intelligence, at the fact that Kira – a.k.a. Raito – truly was a force comparable to God, able to succeed where God had failed and give true, absolute justice to the world…change the way people think.

But now, seeing this…he wondered if…perhaps punishment was not the answer? Or at least not the absolute answer… If criminals were being punished so severely, then why did they still insist on committing crimes? He remembered the desperate robber. On the other hand, people like Sai – Raito felt a chill up his spine – had to be punished. Raito had always thought this was a fact. But on the other hand…these people were completely moronic in their obsessions. Would punishing them really be fruitful?

Raito remembered the words of that malicious man he'd seen holding a knife earlier that day 'you'll never stop.-…us?'

Perhaps punishing them was actually…severing the problem? Perhaps bashing a rabid dog will make it even more furious? Maybe agitating the problem is not the answer here, Raito thought, and internally cursed himself for gaining these epiphanies when he was already dead, and they were useless. In any case, now he wasn't in the real world, and he didn't hold the Death Note in his hands…everything was over, for him.

Best if he'd just died.

He didn't understand justice anymore! How could justice be attributed, if the sense of absolute justice did not exist?

And where would he go now? He had nothing to do in this huge fake world… Sinking in melancholy, he stared at 'Kira's temple', which had replaced the HQ building. And then, suddenly, as he thought of the HQ building an idea hit him: something that might make him feel better. If this hallucination world really was a replica of what the world would have looked like if Kira had defeated Nate Rivers…then obviously…

Standing up immediately, eager to leave, Raito belatedly remembered that he had no money to pay for this coffee.

After a minor panic attack, he finally realized what he should do: these people were obsessed with criminality. He'd play on their weaknesses. Immediately, he started shouting:

"I've been robbed! My wallet! Oh no!"

At times, even he admired his own gall.

Convincing the waiters that his wallet had just been stolen was a piece of cake. Especially when he started pointing toward directions and describing non-existent suspects, no one had misunderstood him for not having any money. There were probably surveillance cameras around the store but, since these people were obsessed with crimes, they would search fro imaginary suspects even if there were none.

This whole scenery verified his impression that this world, despite extremely peaceful and clean, was comprised of pushovers.

A bus ride, a metro station and five minutes of walking distance away, he reached his destination.

As he walked, he heard a woman's voice echo from somewhere on the left "Muuu….Kenjiii! A date in the cemetery is no fun! What were you thinking?" she whined, slinging her boyfriend's hand back and forth in hers. Raito was instantly reminded of Misa, and, for the umpteenth time in the last few hours, the dark weight inside of him made its presence known.

Letting these reflections aside for a few moments, he quietly walked through the perfectly trimmed lawn, passing by various monuments and family tombs. If his calculations were indeed correct, and this hallucination represented a world where Kira had won, then…

Maybe he was expecting the tombstone to talk to him? Maybe he missed the more quiet days of his recently tumultuous existence. Most likely, he just wanted a flash of the sign of his victory.

'Ryuga Hideki'

Age: unknown. Nationality: unknown. Real name: unknown. Right next to his tomb was Watari's.

Ahh…this place always brought a sense of satisfaction to the very core of Raito's psyche. He kneeled, sinking his fingers in the lawn next to Ryuuzaki's tombstone, wanting to experience that feeling again: the feeling of long-awaited, absolute victory and freedom. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, feeling the very definition of triumphant exhilaration sing through his entire neural system.

Now without the photo, he resorted to the next best thing. He grinned as he heard the familiar mantras run through his mind.

'…and now you're buried six feet under…you're buried six feet under…Losers will never get to patronize me again!!'

Suddenly, a small indentation appeared between his eyebrows. Maybe it was the fact that he'd seen Ryuuzaki's face much too recently. But somehow, unexplainably, he didn't feel all that much better as he left the cemetery.

He'd only managed to walk a few paces on the sidewalk outside, before he stopped dead in his tracks. His fingers started shaking, and he shoved them in his pockets to stop them. The world around seemed to become dulled, the noises of the city grew muted and the lights of the cars – since it was already evening – were spinning into a vortex around Raito's vision.

«So how do you like it, great Kira?» the voice asked, just as occult and flickering as Raito had remembered, from that brief time he'd ever heard it with his own ears.

He didn't answer and just stayed put.

«Is it everything you'd ever hoped for?» it asked again, and Raito stared at it. Albino children would never cease to look controversial in a Japanese man's eyes, he thought sourly, as he stared at the white hair. Ryuuzaki's aura was spilling all over the creature. The only difference with the real Nate Rivers was that this creature's eyes were blood red, not at all black or brown.

«Is it even more?» Near's voice whispered, but, somehow, despite the great distance, Raito heard everything perfectly. The demon's face looked at him sombrely, obviously expecting an answer. An answer that Raito hadn't even wanted to give to himself.

«What's the point of this?» Raito finally spoke, gesturing vaguely to his faded out surroundings and fighting to keep his tone even. «It's just a hallucination, anyway. No solid conclusion can be drawn from it.»

And then, just as he was about to elaborate, the Near-shaped demon in front of him turned around. But instead of seeing Near's back, as Raito had expected, Raito saw a horrible second face – like a second head – plastered on the back of the Near-demon's skull. Raito realized that, on the back, the Near-demon had black clothes instead of white. The second face was burnt and scarred, deformed to the point of plain disgust, and had red demonic eyes.

«Keep telling yourself that!» Raito had never met this man face to face, but he'd have recognized Mello's voice anywhere. «And you might convince yourself too! Ha! Haha! HAHAHA!» A voice which sounded nothing but 'mellow' muttered in mild paranoia, stuttering on the borderline between brilliance and psychosis. His teeth kept clattering, as though he wanted to bite or break something, but Raito ignored it.

Instead, he focused on the fact that this demon seemed to be half Near and half Mello. Was it infuriating irony, or a symbol meant to represent the fact that they'd been more powerful as a duo then as individuals? In any case, the sight was something out of a freakish novel, as though it were a teratogenesis.

But before Mello could say anything else, the demon's body twisted around again, and Raito was presented with Near once again. Belatedly, now seeing them both at the same time, despite his disquietude, Raito realized that each one of them carried a part of L inside them, just like Near had said back then. Near seemed like the more calculating, suspicious part of Ryuuzaki's mind, which always occupied itself with solving riddles and puzzles. Whereas Mello must be the aggressive part of Ryuuzaki, the part that made L fight back whenever Raito would try to hit him...the part that was rude and daring enough to illegally install sixty four cameras in an innocent Japanese citizen's bedroom, and wait for the kill.

Finally, unable to help himself, Raito exploded. He simply would not tolerate being told off face to face, after everything he'd been forced to persevere. Especially not by an L-wannabe.

«You may mock me,» he started with a glare, trying not to let himself start barking in ire «But you're not much better yourself.» he spoke through gritted teeth, finally unheeding of any kind of fear or restriction. What did he have to be afraid of, anyway? He'd been through all the worst, and he'd survived it. The worst that could happen was that he would relive it.

And now, ironically, after everything that had happened with the obvious intention to break him, he felt as though he'd been broken and reassembled again. But this time, the pieces that had comprised his mind before had now been rearranged in another way – a better way, he reminded himself – which allowed him to see certain scopes much more clearly and unrestrictedly than before. However, unfortunately, even though he'd learnt so much about himself and how much perseverance he was truly capable of...at the same time, he'd lost himself. He'd lost his understanding of justice: who was responsible for crime, victimization and punishment? Was Kira wrong of was he right? And worst of all, after seeing Kira's New World, he'd lost the very thing that made him click: his ideals. He didn't know what would be a better world anymore...!

Having managed to see a much bigger picture...ironically, now he was not only completely open-minded and prepared to draw new information like a sponge...he was also completely lost!

And now that the end was finally at hand, he didn't know if he could-

Raito held his ground, frowning. If someone even tried to compare him now with the snivelling creature that had cried for salvation in front of Ryuuku, then they'd believe he were a completely different man. Even though his ideals about justice had been completely shattered, reconstructed and overthrown again, a different kind of ideal had grown inside him. A different kind of hope, which gave him the will to fight: an ideal that he couldn't quite put to words, but stretched deep within his psyche.

Perhaps it was the undying drive, and the will to learn. To find the truth about justice. About Godhood. About the world. To find out, finally what makes this world tic, what creates crime and punishment...what kind of rules this universe follows, and how can it be constructed in a way that will make all humans...equal? If he could learn as much as he could, if he could one day achieve the method to construct a system of balance...then he would realize his ideal world. That was what he wanted now, regardless of using the Death Note to achieve it or not.

« Oh I don't doubt my horrid appearance, Yagami Raito.» the demon started, talking a step forward. «You're the one who created it, after all.»

Raito's thoughts started racing when he heard the demon's words, but he kept himself silent. How was it possible that he had 'made' this demon? Was this an allusion for something else, he asked himself. But then he reassured himself that the answers would come. The end was close...and he'd finally learn. It was happening – he could feel it, just as he'd felt he'd meet Misa!

In the end, there was only one question that had to be answered. One basic, maternal question, from which all others spawned:

«...why me?» he asked, scowling despite himself, «Was it because I used the Death Note? Because I killed people with these hands?» he queried, raising his hands as if to display them to the world. His voice was less angry than it should have been and more exasperated. «Is that why?»

«You give yourself too much credit, Yagami Raito.» Nate's calm, unperturbed face, and a muscle pumped in Raito's jaw. «But I've already shown you that.» After a pause to make Raito digest the strange new information, the demon spoke again, in a solid voice.

«At last, it is now time that we talk in terms of justice.»

Raito looked up stridently, his eyes wide. So soon...? But he hadn't expected -! And what would a 'talk in terms of justice' involve? No...anything but justice! It was the one thing he was unclear about! The one thing that he'd...grown to be afraid of. It could make him weak! He didn't dare say anything, however, as he realized the other was about to speak again.

«...and through this trial finally see to what extent Yagami Raito is suited to be... Shinigami.»

Shiniga...mi...?

And then, with a lift of the demon's hand, the world around Raito started changing again, morphing into something different. A new hallucination? A lie? ...another world?

Justice. Life. Death. Punishment.

'The person who uses the Death Note is doomed to misery and suffering…that's all I know.'

'But who is more disgusting, Ryuuku? I, who kill to make the world a better place...or you, vile creature, who feed on people's lives?'

'Raito...you act more like a Shinigami than any Shinigami I've ever known...'

Raito had always thought that...compared to that of other people...there had been a heat in his blood.

This time, he neither fell unconscious, nor woke up accompanied by confusion and fear. This time, Raito observed every single thing that happened around him. The image of Tokyo slipped from around his eyes, spinning like a vortex of wind, water and light, until the sense of space was lost.

Raito kept his eyes trained on the demon that was standing in front of him, motionless.

Shinigami. He'd guessed before that they might have some involvement in what was happening to him. At first he'd thought the entire process had been something as plebeian as Ryuuzaki's or Misa's revenge...Or even that he'd been sent to hell to repent for his supposed sins...

But now he came to understand, finally. The Siamese demon in front of him, half Near and half Mello, was staring at him from his 'Near' side. Finally, Raito realized where he'd seen those red eyes before, and felt his own face twist in an ironic, self-depreciating smile.

Shinigami.

Of course. Who else could have done something of this magnitude except them?

He'd been so involved with himself...he'd hardly realized that there may be other interests involved. After all, Ryuuku had said it quite clearly: 'when you will die, you will see...Mu' And Ryuuku, despite as disgusting as creatures can get, had never made it his wont to lie...a lot.

But Raito had definitely not seen the 'nothingness' of 'Mu'. He'd seen torture, pain, screams...rapes...but not nothingness. Therefore...something must have gone wrong. Something about his soul must have been...problematic... so that he hadn't turned to nothingness when he died. If he had, then he wouldn't be able to think currently.

However...to turn into a Shinigami...to turn into the most disgusting, evil creature he'd ever seen in his life...why...how...when had this happened? Was this punishment for his sins?

Numbly, his head bent forward in pensiveness, and, as such, his eyes turned to stare downwards. He was surprised to notice that the ground beneath his feet, which had previously been the grey sidewalk, had now turned to graphite-coloured cement.

He raised his eyes immediately, to check if the demon was still in place. Indeed, he was standing just where he had been before, about six feet in front of Raito – with the only difference that the spinning lights around them had ceased their spectral dance and the environment had settled into a new landscape.

The landscape that Raito hated the most.

His reaction was completely uncontrollable, as he felt crystals of ice climbing over his skin. He looked at the orange colours of the sunset on the far right – the red sun was fading between the black skyscrapers, struggling to emit as much light as it could before it would be extinguished.

Fifty floors above the ground.

L's monolith.

Raito's heart was pounding, and he didn't dare look at the TV platform that he knew was located on the left. He had realized that he was at the Headquarters' building, standing on the roof. This was exactly the place...this was the exact same... as when he'd been thrown to...to...

However, as he struggled to keep himself calm and composed, he noticed the demon in front of him, who seemed completely unperturbed.

And then, finally, Raito also started to understand: the environment around him, which was constantly changing like a hallucination...was not real.

Raito didn't know where he really was, but... the top of the HQ building wasn't it. He was safe...this was probably just a tactic to try and terrify him, before the 'talk about justice' would even start. The demon probably knew that this place symbolized Raito's greatest fear...which was probably why he had selected it as a battleground – for whatever kind of battle was sure to follow.

When Raito had finally calmed down enough to be able to think clearly, he noticed that, even though there had always been Ryuuzaki's figure standing on this roof when he'd been thrown to the Hands, now there was only him and Near. L was nowhere to be found...wasn't this yet another indication that he would not be thrown to the Hands again?

« Not many humans have the courage to use the Killer book.» the demon's voice – Near's voice – suddenly spoke, and Raito immediately focused on the other. «And of those who do, very few stay sane until the end.»

It took a moment for Raito to realize the demon was commending him for using the Death Note. Why would the demon start praising him now, however? Was this some sort of effort to gain his sympathy...in that case, if they wanted his sympathy, they shouldn't have put him through all those nightmares before bringing him here.

However, thankfully and quite a bit ironically...all those nightmares had ended up making him a much more capable person.

In any case, he stayed silent, not antagonizing the demon and waiting for the other to speak.

«The time for thinking is over...now is the time to act.» Near spoke, and, immediately, like lightning, the demon in front of him turned around, displaying Mello's body instead of Near's.

«Indeed.» Mello spoke, and there was a paranoid glint in his eye. «Show us what you've decided.»

Raito was slightly confused. Was he expected to do something at this point? But how would he-? Then, something that the demon had said caught his attention.

«'The time for thinking' you said...? What 'thinking'?» he asked , in a flat impassive voice. But Mello spoke immediately.

«You look just like an idiot to me!» Mello spat, and Raito was slightly taken aback by the openness of that tone «What do you think you've been doing all this time?»

Raito was about to answer with his own brand of venom, but before he had the chance to speak, Near turned around again, hiding Mello from sight.

«As I said before,» Near repeated again, not adding much to what he had already stated but obviously preventing Mello from speaking any more. «This is the time we examine Death by terms of justice.»

What did the demon's words signify...? Raito stayed silent, gritting his teeth...even if he asked, he knew he would never get solid answers.

Suddenly, without saying another word, the demon waved his hand in a fluid motion and, right in front of Raito's eyes, there in the middle of the roof, a black table appeared, with a black chair in front of it.

On its flat parallelogram surface, as silent and deadly as any reaper's scythe, laid the Accursed book.

Raito's breath caught in his throat. The last time he'd set his eyes on it, he'd been dying – literally – of the need to use it. Writing in it was an addiction, he realized in retrospect. He'd been...obsessed with it. And now, seeing it after all this time...its black allure seduced him all over again, like a Siren's song, making him focus on it completely. Like a moth drawn to the flame, he temporarily couldn't think of any consequences, only the power...the...beauty.

«This is the Death Note» the demon's voice sounded, jerking Raito out of his reverie. Raito realized that, for a few impossible seconds, he'd almost forgotten the demon was even there and that he was living this awful hell. For a few seconds, he'd felt as though he was...alive again. That his existence had some purpose, except for living a nondescript, ordinary life...that he was destined for greatness: the greatness controlled by Go-

Then the demon spoke again, and with his words Raito's calmness ended, replaced by slight panic. «The tool used by Shinigami to kill humans.» Raito nodded at the demon's explanation, clenching his fists. He knew all this, so why was he being told all over again? Why was he being shown the Death Note now, when he knew nothing was real? What would he be-?

Shinigami

No...he couldn't let it happen!!

«Pay great attention now, Yagami Raito.» the demon said with his index finer raised, and his red eyes flashed hungrily as he uttered the man's name, as though eager to devour Raito's very essence. «You have the right to write only one name in this notebook. Only one.»

Raito nodded unconsciously, to signify he was listening carefully and understood what he was being told. Obviously, writing a name in this notebook was part of the new 'game' he was playing, whatever it was. Only this time, the stakes of the game were much higher...and there was the possibility that he would become a Shinigami...which was simply not an option. Even though he hadn't known that humans can become Gods of Death...and even though he'd once admired the power that Shinigami were able to wield...

To become like Ryuuku...a creature without purpose, or meaning...

'No! Never!!'

But before he could muse any longer on his fears and worries, the devil's voice interrupted again, and Near wiped his silvery hair away from his face.

«I will present you with three people.» the demon spoke, and Raito's heart immediately started falling, realizing where this was going. It was called a 'trial of justice' after all, wasn't it, he thought sourly.

«And you must choose who to kill.»

Raito closed his eyes, keeping them closed for a few moments and taking a deep inhale before he opened them again. This was not-

«Depending on the person you select...you will either become Shinigami or not.» the demon finished, speaking in a completely pacified tone, which, ironically, soothed Raito a bit when faced with such extremely high peril. At least the demon symbolized familiarity...and Raito needed familiarity when faced with a future as unknown and dire as this.

«Now mark my words of advice, Yagami Raito, and don't make me repeat them.» the demon said, with piercing eyes, and Raito's jaw clenched rather painfully as he realized his intelligence was being undermined. «I suggest you don't view this as a competition of win or lose. If you do...then you shall surely fall to unhappiness.» Near instructed, and his tone was completely neutral – neither hostile nor sympathetic. «Instead, think of this as a placement test. You shall feel peaceful whichever path you choose, because it will best represent your choices. If you become Shinigami...then that is the place that suits you best.»

Then, the demon motioned toward the chair in front of the table, as though urging Raito to walk forward. At the same time that Raito situated himself on the uncomfortable black chair, the other spoke again «If, on the other hand...» the demon gave a surreptitious small smirk, as though thinking that the possibility was not at all likely «you don't become Shinigami...then you shall also find the place that suits your soul.»

Raito nodded, mostly because he could do nothing else. After all this time of being forced around without help, obliged to undergo torture, it felt strange to have things explained to him, even a little. But of course, he wasn't willing to trust anything yet.

He was unsettled when the demon in front of him turned around again, to reveal Mello instead of Near. It was strange that these two could be stuck on the same body, since one was taller than the other in real life. Even so, however, somehow...they seemed to fit. Like pieces of a puzzle, they completed each other's problematic aspects.

And together, true to form, they could become Raito's worst nightmare.

Mello continued where Near had left off, obviously eager to speak to Raito after such a long period of silence. The man's dangly blonde hair and paranoid, constricted red pupils smirked cruelly at Raito, who tried to ignore everything and focus on the task at hand.

«The time has come, the time has come, the time has come...» Mello muttered, in a deranged, repetitive voice which Raito tried not to let affect him. Instead, he listened carefully for any clue in Mello's words, anything he could use to surmise what the right solution to the trial would be, the solution which wouldn't make him a Shinigami.

But then he remembered the Near-demon's words and realized that he was doing exactly what he'd been warned not to do: thinking of this as a right or wrong test. And even though Raito despised the idea of becoming a Shinigami with all his heart, he could also remember the good aspects of being a Shinigami, such as being immortal, being free to control the lives of humans...

Even if he did become a God of Death, he didn't necessarily have to become a useless, bored Shinigami. He could always use his power to improve justice and improve the human world.

And seeing as he had ignored Ryuuku's advice before, when Ryuuku had told him that Death Note users end up in misery, Raito decided that he should heed this kind of advice if he heard it again. Since the demon had said that Raito was bound to end up unhappy if he tried to 'win' this trial instead of simply follow his gut instincts...then, for once, he was willing to prioritize another being's advice over his own judgment.

After all, Ryuuku was living proof that being a Shinigami can be...fun?...Interesting? ...Painless?

But the more Raito considered it, the more depressing it seemed. And so, he stopped thinking about it altogether when Mello started speaking again.

«Now I'll show you three people...hehe...»he laughed with a sadistic chuckle, looking at Raito as though he was a pathetic worm. «And of these three you have to decide who to kill- You got that? Who to kill.» Mello repeated, giving emphasis and different inflection every time he repeated a phrase. «And I will present these three only once – once, I said once! – so take your chances.»

So Raito braced himself, dedicating all of his attention to the – no doubt tiresome in its repetitiveness – speech that would follow. However, fortunately for Raito's snapping nerves, the demon switched sides again, and Near appeared, who didn't seem to be half as frustrating as the other when giving long speeches.

So without preamble, the demon started talking, and Raito braced himself for the difficulty of the trial would follow, expecting to be unpleasantly surprised very soon. After all every time he dared to think that a challenge was easy...it turned out horribly difficult. So this time, he'd retain his judgment until the end.

«This is Yamada Sakura, maiden name Sawada» Near explained, in a loud voice. He motioned to his left with his hand, and Raito almost yelped as the image of a woman – just like a human statue – appeared in front of the table with the Death Note. The woman looked completely nondescript, with long black hair and a rather attractive face – and since Raito, who didn't really care for such trivialities, had noticed this, she must really be beautiful.

However, she seemed to enjoy wearing inordinate amounts of makeup – even more so than Misa, who'd at least had some taste when using beauty products on her face. She was dressed in a slightly provocative way, complete with short skirt and high heels, even though she seemed to be older than her late twenties . She obviously enjoyed men's attention...however, judging from Near's words, this woman must already be-

«Married Yamada Taichirou, a thirty-year-old businessman when she was nineteen, just to have an excuse to escape from the poverty of her home. Taichi and Sakura stayed had a daughter, Ayako, after one year of marriage.» Near continued, his face completely neutral. Raito braced himself, curious despite himself about the progress of this story.

« Taichirou was a kind and loving man, and he was gentle to his wife and child.» Near stayed expressionless, turning to look at the 'Sakura dummy' that he had appeared beside them on the roof. Raito stared at the demon expectantly.

«But he wasn't rich and ambitious, and Sakura felt she was wasting her potential with a man like him» Raito could already see where this was going «So, after thirteen years of marriage, his wife convinced him to create a life insurance of ten million yen in his daughter's name. And then, one year after he made the life insurance, Sakura poisoned him. She made it look like an accident, as though he was a victim of food poisoning. But what had actually happened was that she poisoned and murdered him.»

Raito turned to watch the 'Sakura Dummy' only to notice, to his complete disturbance, that the woman was actually smiling. She was smiling in that twisted, maniacal way.

The way of murderers, Raito thought, disgustedly. He'd seen that expression on his own face...

Near nodded slowly «And of course, after he died, his twelve-year old daughter Ayako received the ten million yen of life insurance. But since she was underage, she could not yet retrieve the actual money.»

Raito nodded, showing he was listening. Unprovoked murder of an innocent man for the sake of money. So far so good, he thought sarcastically. But this was nothing he hadn't seen before.

«A few years later, when the daughter Ayako was fifteen years old, Sakura met a new man called Yamaguchi Ryoutarou. He was attractive where he late husband had not been, but not particularly rich.» Near motioned on his left again and Raito was once again disturbed to see a human statue appear near him, standing next to Sakura's statue. The newcomer was the image of a man in his early thirties, with extravagantly expensive clothing and a tall, smug posture. Raito could see why Sakura would prefer this kind of partner after her previous husband. This Ryoutarou was probably the second man that Raito was supposed to judge.

«Finally, after a year of continued dating, during which the daughter Ayako had met and gotten along well with Ryoutarou, Sakura and her new companion decided to marry at last. In the meantime, Sakura instructed her daughter, who was now sixteen, to go retrieve her late father's life insurance money. In this way, ten million yen entered Ayako's bank account. The mother did not have direct access to the money, but at least the money existed in the daughter's name.»

Raito nodded, not seeing anything problematic so far, except for the fact that this marriage would be built on problematic values.

«However, once Sakura remarried, the situation within the house changed.» Near almost grinned in an uncharacteristic demonic grin «And Ryoutarou seemed to take a liking to the stepdaughter rather than the wife.» Raito saw the statue of Ryoutarou, situated a few feet nearby, smile in a decidedly perverted, and extremely disturbing way – just as the Sakura statue had before him.

«So he started courting the daughter, buying her gifts and so on, trying to seduce her when the mother was not at home.» Ryoutarou's statue grinned even more widely, and Raito was momentarily disgusted.

«But when he realized that the daughter wasn't interested in the conventional way, he raped her savagely.» Raito couldn't say he hadn't seen it coming, but it was just as horrible a notion nonetheless.

The demon continued immediately «After he raped her, the girl threatened to tell her mother everything, or flee the house in the next few days. Ryoutarou, having learned of the large sum of life insurance money kept in the girl's account, saw an opportunity to simultaneously rid himself of a pest and make himself rich.» Near nodded. However, suddenly, the demon switched sides, and Mello appeared in Near's place, smiling viciously with dilated pupils. Raito heard a disgruntled sound echo in his brain, as he realized that the narration would not go as smoothly as before.

«So he hired Kaidou. Kaidou! A specialist...a paid killer, if you prefer, to ice the girl for him and make it look like an accident.» The demon raised his hand for one last time and a third human statue appeared amongst them. The new man was tall and lean, with shoulder-length black hair much like Mikami's. In essence, this 'Kaidou's' gruff appearance was that of the quintessential hitman, a seemingly nondescript man who kills to get paid.

«So Kaidou indeed did the job» Mello smirked «And truly made it look like the girl had had a car accident, when he'd in fact murdered her. With her death, Ryoutarou and Sakura, the parents, inherited their daughter's life insurance of ten million yen.» This was shaping up to be quite the merry tale, Raito thought venomously, already feeling his temples pound in his head.

«But Kaidou wasn't an idiot. Before he did the job, he'd asked around to gather information. In this way, he'd found out about the life insurance money, and wanted it for himself. Himself! HA!» Mello accentuated with a slightly paranoid smile.

«So Kaidou approached Sakura, who was hardly as heartbroken as one would expect from her child's death, and seduced her, by convincing her he was rich, powerful and successful.» Mello nodded patronizingly «It didn't take much for Sakura, who was already getting tired of her new marriage, to fall madly in love with Kaidou.» Raito looked at the statue of Kaidou and saw a horrible smirk etched there, like a fox's grin.

«And so it took little for her to abandon her husband and, with Kaidou's help, steal all of the money from her daughter's life insurance from Ryoutarou.» Mello raised his hands in the air and cackled evilly «Of course, after she'd stolen the money for Kaidou, Kaidou stole the money from her and abandoned her, leaving her alone without a husband and without money.» Mello nodded with finality, and, completely unexpectedly, leaned forward, banging his palms on Raito's table, making the Death Note and the black fountain pen on the desktop shake.

«And so I ask you, Yagami Raito!» Raito's eyes narrowed at the barking voice, but he was still much too focused on processing the tale of horrors to react «Which one of these three deserves to die? Give me your answer and I shall see if you deserve to be a God of Death or not!»

Raito gulped silently, posing his face in a glare. The demon kept staring at him for a few minutes, and then leaned backwards. Finally, after a long staring contest, Mello spoke again.

«I will now leave you to decide...who should live or die.» Mello nodded with a smirk «But don't think that you can escape without making a choice. One of them has to die for sure...you can't try to let them all live. And also, one more thing...the only thing you are allowed to write on this Death Note is a name. Nothing more, nothing less.» The demon nodded again, and, with a whisk of black wind, vaporized from the atmosphere.

Raito was left there, looking at the open air. Then he turned around, staring at the unmoving statues of the three criminals.

At present, the only thing that he could hear in his mind was silence, and an impending sense of dread. And as the minutes wore on and he still could not find the answer, the feeling of dread worsened, and he felt his palms grow clammy with sweat.

It was impossible! Impossible!

All three of them...all three had...they were equally vile! It was technically impossible to separate one from the other.

Who deserves to die more?

The woman, Sakura, who'd killed her innocent first husband for the sake of money, put her own interests before those of her child when she married the disgusting Ryoutarou, stayed unmoved from her daughter's death, and was prepared to elope with a new man soon after her daughter had died, as long as the new man was rich.

And what to say of Ryoutarou, the despicable fashionista, who'd molested and raped a child of sixteen, then did not hesitate to arrange for the child to be killed and, after that, steal the child's money and live an untroubled life with his wife as though nothing had happened?

And last but not least, of course, comes Kaidou, the complete and utter slime, who was a paid murderer to begin with and who didn't hesitate to murder a sixteen year old girl when it suited him, not to complete his job but to secure that the girl's money could later be stolen. He seduced the girl's mother by pretending to be rich and then, after making the mother steal the money for him, he stole the money from her and abandoned her.

In Raito's eyes, they were all equal. And based on everything he had learned after his own stunning death, not only were they equal in crime but they were equal in punishment. Sakura, who had killed and rejected one husband after the other for the sake of money had finally found misery when rejected by Kaidou. Ryoutarou, who had been lusting over the daughter and finally forced to kill the object of his obsession, later also lost every semblance of comfort when the money was stolen for him.

In Raito's eyes, if there was one of them who seemed not to have been equally punished for their crime that was Kaidou, who was a paid killer, who had exploited the 'love' of a woman and who had finally received the money to live comfortably. Of course, being a murderer always involved a sense of misery in one's life, but, to Raito's eyes, it didn't seem as though this killer had been truly punished for his crime.

But on the other hand, Raito couldn't just go ahead and decide to wipe Kaidou out of the way. Kaidou's existence was important, in the sense that it made Ryoutarou's and Sakura's pain more intense. Sakura would feel ratified and avenged if Kaidou were to die after having left her, and Raito definitely didn't want her to feel less than absolutely miserable.

On the other hand, by killing either Ryoutarou or Sakura it would be just like lightening Kaidou's shoulders. Kaidou, a paid killer, would probably want to kill both Sakura and Ryoutarou very soon in order to wipe the slate clean and leave absolutely no witnesses about the larcenies of the life insurance money. Not that either Sakura or Ryouta would ever think of going to the police anyway, since they were both criminals as well...but Kaidou could never be sure of that, and he would want to murder them on his own.

These three were criminals who sullied society on the one hand, but on the other hand their death would hardly serve any purpose. There was no victim to wish for revenge, since Ayako was already dead. The three criminals were each other's victims, and in that sense they all deserved to live and be tortured by each other's existence.

In the end...Raito just couldn't see how he could eventually apply true, absolute justice in this situation. There was simply no way he could do it. He couldn't claim that one person deserved to die more than the others because of the severity or perversion of his crime, because all three of them had equally vicious records.

The next step to attributing justice would be to consider which one of these three would be likely to harm society again in the future. But the answer to that was, once more, inconclusive: it was possible that all three of them would harm society once again, but also possible that none of them would. Because Kaidou had now received a great sum of money, it was possible that he would retire from an occupation that risked his life – he would already have money anyway. In the same way, Sakura and Ryoutarou might or might not rape, murder, remarry and steal again.

On the one hand, if Raito could have had it in his own way...actually, if he could have it his own way...he didn't know what he would do. Kill all three of them? Kill no one? He wasn't sure what was right and what was wrong anymore...Besides, the demon had told him that he wasn't allowed to write anything on the Death Note except the name of a person. Or else he might have instructed the one person to kill the other two, and then die on his own by a heart attack.

But now, Raito wasn't at all sure of what he was supposed to do.

The way he saw it...there was no justice that could be attributed. Besides, what good does the Death Note do for justice? As he had learned in the New World he had seen, a criminal's death doesn't teach anyone a lesson – a criminal doesn't stop committing crimes after he dies. After a man's disappearance from life, what matters is the progress of those who remain. Society.

And no matter which of the three Raito would end up killing, society would still be in the same situation. Whoever he killed would pretty much be the same...the child rapist, the greedy murderess or the hitman? They were just as bad.

So Raito went to the next step of his reasoning, and wondered what human law would do. Probably, the sordid truth about these three people would never be discovered, and they would be allowed to live free – but miserable – for the rest of their lives. The idea disgusted Raito that criminals would be left on the loose amongst the innocent people in a society...

But on the other hand, as Ryuuzaki had kept telling him in their conversations about Shakespeare, justice can only be attributed when a crime is brought to the light. Raito had killed many people with the Death Note as Kira, that was true...but they were only the people that were captured or identified by the authorities.

In everyday society, unseen and unidentified, like Sakura, Kaidou and Ryouta, probably thousands of criminals exist. People with lives and stories so sordid that they could make a man's blood curdle.

And yet, what could justice do for the victims of these people? If the criminals have not been identified, then the victims have most obviously never gotten a chance to express their sorrow – probably already dead. And in that case, there was very little justice could do to 'justify' these victims.

What is the point of killing a criminal, when his death doesn't even benefit society? Because, as Raito had realized, killing criminals off still did not alleviate the human need for crime – which was an element born out of human nature. It's not like some people were born criminals and some weren't in this world. Every person has the capacity to commit a crime just as they have the capacity to remain innocent.

Killing them off in massive amounts will never work, Raito realized as an epiphany. One can't simply 'kill off evil'.

As long as humans exist, the capacity to kill, rape, steal, hate and hurt also exist. It's not as though society would be a better place if people like Sai were killed, because there is a Sai in all of us. The only difference is that some people are more eager than others to bring their malice outwards...

But that's a question of choice, not birth! How can it be said that society would be better with certain people dead, if it was impossible for Raito – for Kira – to be aware of every single crime at every single point in time? Evil can't be murdered without consequences – because when people are surrounded by killing, even the killing of killers – they grow accustomed to more killing. Raito remembered the two boys who'd been fighting in the park. Though they were fantasizing about a noble cause of killer a criminal...in the end...

Raito realized that, until now, he'd been thinking that he'd been committing a 'justified crime' as Kira. True, he'd been murdering people to stop the spread of evil. And he'd believed, just like a judge who afflicts the death penalty, that the act of murder was excusable for the judge, as long as it results in a safer and more peaceful society.

But it's different for a judge to decide the death of one or two criminals, and different for Kira to massively kill off large groups of people. If he'd kept killing them, based on the fact that there was hidden evil in every human...what would he have done in the end? Killed the whole world?

Killing them all is just...ultimately fruitless in terms of justice, just as it is in terms of their own conscience. Nothing is improved...nothing changes by killing. Rather than try to kill them all and display to the world a Killing Spree of Goodness – the very term seems contradictory – why not try to create a society in which less and less people would be inclined to bring their criminal selves out in the open? Creating a society where there wouldn't need to be crime – a society where people like Sakura wouldn't have to feel repressed or poor, a society where Kaidou wouldn't even dream of the option of killing people for money, a society where people could chose their partners not based only on good looks but other qualities also...

Why couldn't such a society be possible? Isn't this what Raito had wanted all along? But he was intelligent, and he knew more than anyone else that it was impossible to wipe out poverty, hunger, lust, needs. It was impossible to create complete balance out of complete imbalance.

But at least...couldn't there be another way than killing them all, and sending them to be tortured without even forcing them to change their conscience? A more effective way to change society for good? In retrospect...killing them off seems too easy, and it doesn't take a God to do it, even in massive amounts. If the legal system allowed it, then criminals would be executed in masses instead of imprisoned.

Trying to change them is what is truly hard. Raito didn't care about those who would die...he cared about those who would live – that had always been the case. So couldn't he finally find a way to create...to create...a Utopia...out of something degenerate?!

And if the issue had been about his personal pride once, then it wasn't any more. Because when one is alive, there are countless distractions: fame, glory, money, pride. There was Ryuuzaki, who Raito had wanted to defeat as a personal vendetta, there was Misa, who'd always been pestering him...all these mortal distractions took away from the idealism of the whole thing. But now, Raito was sure...if he put his mind to it, he could come up with a better, more permanent way to wipe crime away.

The humans themselves have made a conscious effort, by the construction of a common system – a base – to ordain a sense of unity and point of reference. Raito's problem with this system was that, ironically enough, his expectations of it were much too high, since he'd wanted it to offer all the answers and to relieve all problems. But was it really so crazy, so unjust, to feel disappointed by the fact that the system doesn't work? To see that people were still being harmed and that evil still reigned supreme?

Why must he accept either one of two extremes: either a justice which is futile and there can be no sense of equilibrium...or a justice that is absolute and is based on stale retribution? Retribution, punishment...was this really the answer?

«Well, have you reached your decision yet?» a rather bored voice suddenly echoed, and Raito raised his eyes to meet shining red orbs.

But whose red orbs?

«You know your time is passing Yagami Raito.»

«Ryuuku.» Raito spoke, and a small shiver ran down his spine as a wave of utter nostalgia – and anger – overcame him at the same time. The Shinigami hadn't changed a bit since the last time Raito had seen him. He still carried that sense of boredom. Even though Raito had only seen a jester before, a cruel vicious being that plays with human souls, now he could see something more. Wisdom...a wisdom that could not be expressed with words rested there, in those wide ugly eyes...

The knowledge...of the truth, about justice.

And even though Ryuuku had killed him, and showed him what it was like to die of the Death Note...showed him what it was like to feel pain...even so. Now, after the things Raito had learned about justice...it felt as though Ryuuku had not only taken something away from him...but given Raito something in return. Wisdom. Ryuuku had given him wisdom.

«Oh...is that how you see me now?» Ryuuku asked, and Raito stared at him for a few moments, confused.

«What do you mean?» he asked finally, letting his thoughts recede for a few moments.

«I told you before, Yagami Raito» Ryuuku spoke, and, for the first time, Raito noticed that even though this creature looked exactly like Ryuuku, it didn't speak like him... «You're the one who creates my appearance.»

«So...» Raito started, feeling an indiscernible sense of disappointment overcome him «So...you're still-?» he questioned, knowing the demon would understand. It was the very same demon who had looked like Near and Mello before...it was possibly the same demon that had always been there, from the start.

In fact, Raito had never seen another soul except a demon for all this time...could it be that it had always been the same demon?

«Have you made your choice?» the demon asked, moving around in Ryuuku's silver accessories and making Raito's skin curl from sheer deja-vu. He remembered countless days of sitting on a table, much like this one, with the Death Note spread open in front of him and Ryuuku hovering above his right shoulder.

He could remember writing names, countless names...faces, hearts...

'Was it all for nothing...no...I'm sure...even if society didn't benefit from it...and even if I was not remembered as a great God at the end...at least it all happened for a reason: and if not for any other reason, it happened so that now, after all this time...I can think the way I do!' he thought, and took courage.

«You must decide.» Ryuuku's – or, more correctly, the demon's – voice rang, pressuring Raito to make a choice. And truth be told, Raito had not yet made this choice.

«Decide...» Raito repeated to himself, as though pondering the question, looking for a loophole.

«Decide which of the three you should kill.» Ryuuku specified, and hovered patiently over Raito. After having passed all this time without Ryuuku's presence, it now felt rather stifling – not to mention plain ominous, to have this monstrous Reaper hovering over him twenty four hours a day. How had he been able to withstand it?

Is this why it is said that those who wield the Death Notes are doomed to misery? Because they are followed by ghouls?

And now came the time that he was forced to choose, based on Justice...but...

In the end, he'd been disappointed by Justice, both that of others and Kira's own. If he had to choose the legal system that a God should employ, to his absolute shame, he would choose the one that currently existed in the world: the one where no God kills or cares about human justice and leaves the humans to their own devices. 'Let them find their own path.' That is the general idea that Raito had failed to see all this time...ironically, however, he must have known it all along since he'd seen that Ryuuku and the other Shinigami, who'd been all-powerful since the dawns of time, had never bothered to kill humans based on justice.

Or perhaps they had, and they had reached the same conclusions as Raito: the thing called absolute justice does not exist. Because justice and its needs varies from person to person, and a human may remember or consider things that another person may not even fathom. By doing justice to one man – by killing Kaidou and avenging the dead Ayako, for example – that may create injustice for another – for example, Kaidou's relatives or children, who supposedly don't know of his crimes. Doing one crime only creates another, until it becomes a chain reaction – Misa's family situation was a good example of this, in which Misa had gotten the will to kill criminals because a criminal had destroyed everything she'd loved. At first Raito had scorned the Shinigami for their disinterest in human affairs, considering them idle cowards who lack ambition...but now, after all this time...he could see the wisdom behind their acts. He could see...why a God would act in this way. Actually, the Shinigami only ever killed...when they needed to. When they needed lifespan in order to live...

Raito had adored the Death Note so much at first glance: because it was clean, and because no one could ever be blamed. By killing criminals silently with heart attacks, no one suspects a crime and there can be no chain reaction.

However, then the idea of Kira and the New World, as well as the crusade to defeat Ryuuzaki, had surfaced – primarily a manifestation of Raito's ambitions and secondarily an effort in society's best interests...The problem, therefore, was not the existence of the Death Note or the Shinigami themselves. It was the way that Raito had approached the subject. The way he'd rushed to wipe crime off the face of the Earth, when he could see now that the very idea was completely ludicrous. No one can wipe out crime as long as human beings exist...what can be done is to try and contain it, more for the ideal of justice than for anything else.

«Honestly, Ryuuku» Raito started, knowing but not caring that he wasn't really talking to Ryuuku. This was something that he needed to say out loud, in order to hear be said with his own ears «I don't see the direct point in killing any of these people. Perhaps...against my better judgment...putting them behind bars is the best punishment that can happen to them. Let them live without having the possibility of harming society.» he finally said it, feeling as though he had suddenly walked into a bizarre dream, where white had turned to black and vice versa...and, impossibly, this world made sense. It made complete sense.

The demon didn't answer anything, just kept staring with his red eyes.

«I don't know all the clauses...what about other people that I don't know about, who depend on these three here? And in any case it's impossible to select who to kill based on the severity of their crimes, because they are all equal, and they have all harmed and been harmed by one another... Their crimes have already been committed...and they are being punished. The way I see it...if one dies and so must the other two. » he concluded, shaking his head. His eyes moved fervently around, not focusing on anything as he tried to think.

«You must choose one.» the demon then spoke, shrugging «...it is the only way you're going to end this trial.» and with a motion of his hand, the demon made the Death Note in front of Raito flutter open to a completely blank page With the Death Note spread out like that, it was as though the pages were begging him to write...just one small word. One word that could wreak havoc...the power of words was absolute. Raito had always believed in it.

But as he sat there, looking at the crisp white sheets, Raito got a distinctly bad feeling. As though there was something about this object...something...that didn't quite meet the eye. As though, in its pages, more was hidden than paper and ink.

A notebook that can kill. Never before had Raito wondered what a book like this may be comprised of, or how it is made... and at what costs.

The more he now thought about who and what had created it, the less he wished to approach it.

«Choose one of the three, and write the name you see above their faces.» the demon instructed, and Raito raised his eyes to see clearly. But suddenly, for no reason, everything around him had turned...red?

He was seeing things in red. Until finally, his eyes focused on the faces of the three human statues in front of him. Above the three faces, with floating, shining white letters he saw three names written. And beneath the names, in vivid relief, Raito could see some numbers, which he could only guess were the remaining life spans of each person.

As if by some magic manner, Raito could somehow understand exactly what the numbers were saying, and that Sawada would die in sixteen years, nine months, thirteen days, eight hours and twenty eight minutes exactly.

Shinigami's eyes...for the first time in his life...he was now seeing through them. And by the numbers he saw, based on what Ryuuku had told him, he understood that if he killed Ryoutarou now, then, if he was a Shinigami, Raito would gain more lifespan.

But he wasn't a Shinigami.

Raito turned downwards, and, through the red colours that were filling his vision...he discerned his own hand.

His own...hand?

That's right...there weren't only three he could kill.

There was a fourth, called Yagami Raito.

Raito stared at his hand – at himself – then at the three people. Technically, in terms of justice alone, he was the greatest murderer of all. He had killed easily more than a hundred people – some of them innocents. In terms of justice alone...perhaps he should be the one to die.

'But again, what good would that do? I'm already dead. What purpose of my existence will punishment serve...perhaps I'm here not to abandon myself, but to learn.'

«Choose fast, human.» the demon beside him said, and his voice was much rougher now than before, since Raito had wasted time.

«But I don't see the point...I don't want to kill any of them.» he answered, fisting his hands and gritting his teeth «Killing them isn't going to undo what has been done...the victims will not feel ratified because they are already dead. Perhaps society will be harmed by them again in the future, but perhaps it may not...The only thing their death can bring is pain to the ones that care for them, and glee on behalf of the remaining two.»

He shook his head steadily to signify his exasperation, but the demon didn't seem to be acquiescing any time soon.

«If I decide to kill someone, it will be a choice based on randomness.» Raito nodded, trying to show that it wasn't his lack appetite to act, but his ideals. «But now, with these three, leaving them live is much more torturous for them than killing them. And since the future is unpredictable, it can never be said that one will harm society more than another!» Indeed, Raito thought that it was wiser to let them act by themselves, and wait for their own brand of justice to be brought to them.

In this kind of universe, which pits people against each other and turns victims into criminals and vice versa...it's impossible to ordain absolute justice!

And the same applied to himself, as well, if he was expected to kill himself. He couldn't believe what he was thinking – that he was passing on this chance to Judge dangerous criminals... and yet, as he said it... somehow, in some way he couldn't understand, after all this time of trying and failing to find justice...he'd found it, by accident.

«Don't tell me this, mortal!» The demon in Ryuuku's body suddenly shouted, banging two fists on the table with such force, that he left two indentations of fists on the black metal. Raito, taken aback and unprepared for this onslaught, keeling backwards. It was awkward to hear an irate voice but see Ryuuku's smiling face...But the demon continued.

«What I ask of you is only one thing: select a name and write it in the book. And then this trial shall end.» the demon stated, and floated backwards with Ryuuku's shredded wings. Raito shook his head slightly and closed his eyes, suppressing a sigh.

What kind of stupid trial was this, anyway? Hadn't he already made his choice...Hadn't he?

But the unforgiving eyes of the demon stared at him, as though trying to dare him. And Raito could understand why. Because it was strange that Raito, the great Kira, who had killed countless people without batting a single eyelash, was now hesitating over one single name.

And yet, Raito remembered the inevitability of it. The fact that once a name is written, it cannot be erased. When a man is Marked for Death, he cannot be unmarked. And when your heart starts trembling, and the pain cripples you, and you know that it won't stop until you- He couldn't wish that on anyone...not even a criminal like this!

«Choose, Yagami Raito...» the demon's voice echoed roughly around «And if you don't choose now you'll be sent back...to experience the trial for eternity, until you are prepared to make the choice.» the sober tone unsettled Raito...The 'whole trial'...did that mean that everything he had experienced...everything he'd lived and learned...everything was...a unity?

The Hands...the interrogation...the rapes...everything?

In any case...if he took the demon's words at face value, then it was possible that he would be stranded here, without answers, for the rest of a bitter eternity. It was entirely possible that the humans and situations that were being mentioned here were not at all realistic...

Perhaps...perhaps he should simply choose. If that meant getting the answers...if it meant breaking free, then...But how to choose? Choose in terms of justice...but justice would not be attributed, even if he did kill one of these people...

«Very well» Raito finally decided, and stretched his hand forward beneath the devil's watchful eyes. He picked up the fountain pen, and was surprised by how heavy it felt in his hand – as though he were picking up not a single pen, but a dozen of them at the same time. His red vision was confusing him a bit, seeing as he kept seeing light hues blending in each other, but he could see the Death Note itself clearly enough. «I'll do what you ask of me.»

Even if he killed one of them at random, it would be exactly the same.

And so he wrote, with his characteristic precise, pointy scripture, Kaidou's name. Every single stroke of the accursed kanji was heavier than the other, and with every second that passed, Raito had the illusion that it was this person's life that was bringing heaviness to his pen.

A person's life was failing now, just because of something Raito had written, miles and miles away. Without knowing Kaidou, without knowing exactly why he'd done the things he'd done, whether he was malicious or not.

Finally, when Raito had finished, he felt a deep exhaustion overcome him. He stood up from the chair and moved away, turning his head from the demon. Forty seconds later, nothing happened around them. Raito turned around, slightly surprised, but saw that the statues of the three people had disappeared. The only thing that was left now was the table, the Death Note and the demon, which was looking at Raito with wide eyes.

And as for Raito himself, his right hand, the hand that had written in the notebook, felt as though it was made of led. Unconsciously, he remembered the way his own name had looked on the notebook when Ryuuku had written it, and he heaved a great sigh. Then, the demon's voice sliced into his thoughts.

«Congratulations.» the Shinigami-shaped devil said looking at Raito with the ever-present smile. The only difference was that, this time, the smile seemed much more gleeful than usual «You've become a Shinigami.»

Raito felt his insides convulse and freeze. But then, as he watched the demon's face, he realized there was nothing he could have done anyway. The demon had been sure that Raito would become a God of Death right from the start, and Raito had realized it immediately.

«It's fine.» Raito said, and, unexplainably, something behind his eyes began to sting. He imagined himself like Ryuuku, an ugly, deformed ghoul with nowhere to call home, roaming the streets with naught but a notebook for company. His only ability would be death, from now on...and there was nothing he could do to change. «I already thought so.»

The demon nodded his head fervently, floating across the roof of the HQ building and then back to Raito's side. Raito appreciated the irony of a Ryuuku-shaped demon flying beside him. He supposed he ought to get used to it from now on...after all, he was going to be seeing a lot more of the Shinigami world, with its wrinkled apples and passive residents, than he ever thought he would.

And, since no Shinigami Raito had ever known had remembered their lives as humans...he supposed that he'd lose all his memories in order to be transformed into a...a...beast. He'd never think of how stupid and annoying Misa was, anymore. He'd never get to make fun of Ryuuzaki's incurable sugar addiction...In fact...he'd never get to see Ryuuzaki...or be able to speak to any other human...ever again. And even though he'd guessed that before...now it was becoming more pronounced, and more painful.

«So what do I do now?» Raito asked, trying not to let his voice crack. Thankfully, the demon beside him seemed not to notice.

«Now you wait...until your transformation is complete.» the demon sounded more cheerful than Raito had ever heard him.

'Transformation.'

So they waited, and waited. Hours and hours of waiting, until Raito became restless. Nothing was happening, as far as he could tell. He was still the same old Raito...which was a good sign, on the one hand...but on the other... the agony was crippling him! He wished that it could just be over, and then he'd at least forget everything...but-

«What?» a voice suddenly echoed a fair distance on Raito's left. Raito turned to see the demon, shaped exactly like Ryuuku, blink questioningly at something. Raito followed the other's glance and turned to see, to his utter astonishment, that the television aerial on the roof – the retched thing where Raito had stepped all those times, was shaking precariously on its own, all of a sudden.

«What's going on?» Raito asked, confused and terrified by the onslaught of memories this brought. The demon stayed silent for a few moments, and then, quietly, he turned back towards Raito again.

«It seems...as though I was mistaken.» he finished, and Raito could feel a hoarse beat, like the stampede of animals in a jungle, initiate in his chest. «You...Yagami Raito...are not a Shinigami after all...»The frantic flames of hope were easy to rekindle, and his heart was almost bursting by the sheer force of his pulse.

Raito stared at the demon, with his teeth chattering uncontrollably and his extremities feeling completely cold.

«But...» he started, unable to stop himself «But...why? I thought...» he asked, unable to contain the tone of enthusiasm in his voice.

But instead of speaking, the demon shook his head, and Raito thought that he detected a hue of dejection in the red eyes, as though the other was disappointed that Raito hadn't become a God of Death after all.

But Raito would not let it pass without an explanation this time, so he ran forward, near the demon. And with his eyes narrowed he asked, solidly.

«Why...?» he queried, preventing himself from grabbing the demon's arm. «I killed him...didn't I?» he asked, expecting some answers.

The demon turned to him, slowly. «Yes» he started, with his ruby eyes dull «But 'why' did you kill him.» he stared at Raito, with piercing eyes. Raito compelled to find an answer, stated his cause.

«Because, out of the three of them, his existence had been the one to facilitate the daughter's death – the fact that people like Ryouta can call people like Kaidou when they want to murder someone…is the greatest problem of all! Crimes of passion, like those of Ryouta and Sakura...cannot be contained. But killing innocent people like Ayako as an occupation is unacceptable...at least in my eyes... This profession is...a source of problems for society.» Raito defended, and finally, he gave the most prominent reason «And...basically, the reason why I killed him...is that I believe it was unjust that despite committing the most murders, he was allowed to take the money and live comfortably in the end...that's why...in my personal opinion...he's the one that should die.»

«That's exactly the point.» the Ryuuku's voice said, and Raito stared at him questioningly. So the demon continued « You say 'the one who should die'...But when you told me that you understood justice was futile...I believed that you'd come to understand the world the way Shinigami do.» the demon finished, and his hostile eyes turned away, as though to reminisce «Shinigami don't understand what the humans call 'justice'...they kill at random, without judgment. 'Should die' does not exist for Shinigami.»

So that was why... So Justice wasn't futile, Raito felt something lighten in his heart at this thought. Justice did exist!

As long as someone waited for it, wished for it...justice would be here! Even if it wasn't absolute...even if it was futile and wouldn't manage to redeem society...in order to remain human...a person must believe in justice, believe that, despite all appearances of the contrary, there must still be some way in which people could feel justified, people could live a better life!

Justice may not be absolute...and an act of justice may not ratify every wrong...but at least the intention was there! The intention to help, to improve...to justify, to respect, to honour people! That wish had always been with Raito – his ideal world – and as such...it was impossible for him to become a Shinigami.

Then the demon turned toward the quiet Raito again «Haven't you ever wondered why Shinigami die when they kill for a human they love...?»

Raito paused to think about it for a second, and a light of understanding suddenly dawned in his eyes as he turned to look at the demon, who continued speaking.

«Because a Shinigami cannot remain a Shinigami if he kills subjectively – if kills for a reason other than his own survival. At first, when you spoke, I was certain you were going to become Shinigami because of your understanding of the futility of this...this...'justice' that humans have. When you killed the man, I supposed you were killing at random. But it turns out, you...you worked with an opinion.» the demon looked pointedly at Raito, and Raito thought that they other seemed somewhat...rejected, if that was even possible. «You killed because of a reason – your personal reason, regardless if it's right or wring. You care too much, when you kill...that's something that humans do, not Shinigami... And so, that's why...»

« You say that only humans think this way, not Shinigami...I wonder if that means that when Shinigami die because of love...they turn into humans?» Raito started quietly, and saw the demon's surprised, bewildered eyes as they looked at him. Obviously, the demon hadn't expected Raito to think or surmise anything like this.

Well at least, the fact that Raito had not turned into a Shinigami meant that, despite the fact that he couldn't clearly understand the meaning of this...'love'...he at least had a chance at learning.

After a few moments, Raito spoke again, with his eyes a bit lowered. his tone rather pensive «You...You're a Shinigami...aren't you?»

A few seconds after he'd said it, the demon turned towards him with wide eyes. And then, a few moments later, the creature's started to change again, transforming into something new.

Raito watched, bewildered, as the world around him spiralled madly for the second time, twisting into new shapes and figures. Until the roof of the HQ building had disappeared, and instead of the skyscrapers of Tokyo, Raito could now see wooden logs around him, as though he were located in a crumbling wooden hut of some sort. There was a small door on the side of the cabin, which was closed firmly.

He'd never seen this place before in his real life...this couldn't be another of his hallucinations. It was something...completely new...

Could it be that this...was...

He was...out...? Out of that hellish place?!

But he didn't manage to rejoice about this for long, because when he turned around to look at the demon again, his voice caught at his throat. It was a...a...a walking corpse, a Shinigami if Raito had ever seen one, disgusting and monstrous at the same time, with that awful slimy green skin and disgusting liquid appearance.

«My name is Leeru» the Shinigami answered, and Raito stared, completely aghast. Thankfully, he'd met a Shinigami before, so he wasn't as surprised as he could have been. He had a thousand questions he wanted to ask, so he started from the most prominent one.

«So...this...this...everything that I went through ever since I...died...that was...?» the man asked, overwhelmed.

«The Trial of Souls» the Shinigami Leeru responded, with his filthy fingers stretching to point towards Raito's chest «Which is undergone, sooner or later, by all the souls who have used the Death Note in their lives.» he answered, and Raito waited patiently for the other to elaborate. When he realized that the God of Death would not speak again, however, he decided to pose his own questions.

«So...what exactly is this...'trial of souls'?» the man inquired, with narrowed eyes. Whatever it was, he privately thought, he was glad it was over – if it was over, since Raito wasn't sure, even now.

«Basically» Leeru started, with his slimy red skin – the skin of a corpse which was drowned in a river, with weed on its head «When a human dies – they must be sent to Mu...Mu does not exist in the human world...it is the place where the minds of all humans join, to create all the dead and lost parts of the human world. But most humans can't go there immediately.»

Raito remembered what this 'Mu' place was. There was a rule in the Death Note that instructed that when humans die, they go to a place of non-existence, a place called 'Mu'.

«Since they were in the mortal world, humans were trapped in their own body.» Leeru explained, waving jell-like hands around and testing Raito's stomach «When they die, they are still trapped in their own mind – all the fears, aspirations, guilt, or subconscious thoughts that the carried ever since they were alive...»

Raito nodded, wondering what this had to do with his own trial. However, Leeru wasn't yet finished.

«When, after death, a human is able to escape the confines of his mind – face his fears, learn something new, know himself better – then he can finally enter Mu, and let his mind and experience join that of the others.» Leeru explained, nodding as though to emphasize his point, beady red eyes shining and reminding Raito of things he'd rather keep forgotten.

«And how is the trial of souls different from the trial that any other human undergoes?» Raito asked the question that had been plaguing him all along.

«Hmm..» Leeru remarked, with thoughtful eyes «humans these days have grown persistent...but I suppose it's logical, considering everything.» The Shinigami nodded to himself, and Raito waited patiently, trying not to tap his foot on the floor, or cross his hands, or something to that effect by his impatience to learn the answer.

Then, finally, Leeru spoke again. «A soul that has used the Death Note, like all others, will eventually go to Mu. The only difference is that the process is usually much more prolonged, since the Shinigami like to keep these souls in their world for a long time...» he explained « But eventually, the soul must face its own trial. And the Trial of Souls is the same as any other trial, where the human must escape the confines of his own mind...the only difference with all other trials is that there is a Shinigami in the trial to inspect the human...and that the human has a chance: either to become Shinigami, or to remain human and go to Mu.»

«So when a human does enter Mu» Raito asked, still trying to accept the fact that everything he'd seen in this so-called 'trial' was a product, a manifestation of his own brain and symbolized his guilt, or conscience, or fear. «What happens to him? Does he...stop existing?

«I don't know what happens in Mu...except that it is the place of non-existence and the place where minds join. No Shinigami is ever allowed there. Because we don't have a soul to lose...» a chill climbed up Raito's spine as he realized the fate he had narrowly missed. After a few moments, Leeru raised a hand and pointed a finger at the closed door of the cabin «That is the entrance to Mu...the rest is up to-«

«Wait» Raito called, as he realized that the other was preparing to leave without a further explanation «Wait!» he repeated, for emphasis, since he didn't want to touch Leeru's arm to stop him. He didn't want to admit it to himself, but he wanted to prolong facing that door...wanted to draw as much information as possible from this Shinigami, before the end.

«I want to ask you...why were you so sure I would become a Shinigami?» he asked, with a furrowed brow. «Answer me this, and I'll be at peace.» he added, just to emphasize how important this question was to him.

Leeru's red eyes seemed to way the human up and down, until finally, he answered «Because most humans do...especially those who use the Death Note and like to kill other humans.»

'Like to kill'

The Shinigami said it so suddenly that it shocked Raito to the core...but it was true, wasn't it? Deep down, when he'd been Kira...he'd...liked to use the Death Note as frequently and as intensely as possible. However, having it said to his face so-

«When they face their trials, most humans change. Some part of them becomes different...and since each trial is specific to each person, most humans find it difficult to recover from a great blow to something they considered important before. And so, they learn to understand the world like Shinigami do. I guess that's why...» Leeru nodded again to himself, and this time, as he started walking away, Raito didn't call for him to stop this time.

Finally when he saw Leeru's slimy body start floating, as though ready to fly away – although Raito couldn't fathom where the Shinigami would go – he said something again.

«Do you know Ryuuku?» he finally asked, and was slightly amused as he saw the slight perturbance in Leeru's face at the mention of Ryuuku's name « He's a friend of mine.» Raito spoke, thinking that nothing could be further and closer to the truth at the same time «So tell him...tell him I... said hi.» he finished, nodding. There were a million things Raito wanted to say to that jester Reaper, most of them unpleasant for having tricked and killed him...but some of them thankful, for having made him...a better – a more just – man.

Leeru also nodded.

And then, before Raito's very eyes, Leeru's whole body seemed to evaporate, shining in a cloud of black dust. Until finally, he disappeared.

And this was how Raito was left alone in the wooden cabin. Alone with the door, which would lead him to Mu, where all humans go after they die. But what would that place be...would he...evaporate? Would he stop existing?

And all the discoveries he'd made...would they accumulate to nothing?

Raito's hand clasped the handle of the wooden door, nervously settling his fingers upon it. Then, he took a deep breath, and remembered what the demon shaped like Near, or, more precisely, Leeru, had said.

Even if he didn't become a Shinigami...then he would surely go to the place that most suited him. And if non-existence was it, then...then he hadn't gone through that entire trial in vein! At least he'd become...he'd become...something different, something more evolved...something better than what he had been when he'd started.

And perhaps for the first time in so long, that deep, unfulfilled and abstract cave inside of Raito was starting to fill, by some strange power. As though he was taking strength from something that he didn't even know – some conviction, some belief...

They say there are three values by with the universe is ruled: fortune, need and order. In all his life, he'd strived for the last two...but he'd never taken into account the first. And even so, he who had been so careful to create order where there seemingly could be none, had suddenly, by a stroke of fortune, found his existence more disorganized than ever.

And as his need to find his old order propelled him forward, there was something born – something deep inside him.

When Yagami Raito – when Kira – died, a man with very solid ideals was lost. At first, something had been withdrawn from Raito...but eventually, that empty space was filled by something new. Something he could not quite place. But finally, he'd found new alternative solutions to old problems, he'd found answers.

During life, he'd always been an idealist, and always strived to make the world a better place. However, in retrospect, he could now see the damage that the Death Note had done to his ideas. Basically...when he'd touched the Death Note…he'd lost sight of his goal.

Along with the Death Note – the force of fortune – new needs were born. And Raito was forced to find order for these needs. And become Kira. And lose sight of the basic objective – to retain justice at all costs.

But now, in retrospect, he was still glad – just as glad as he'd always been – that he'd been given the Death Note. The Death Note was the greatest gift that had ever been given to him, because without it, now he wouldn't be here. He wouldn't have the will to discover and learn – he wouldn't be able to understand the concept of justice.

Without the Death Note, he would never have been Kira. And without being Kira, without working for his ideal, without making mistakes as well as correct actions...without what he was yesterday, he could never be what he is today.

So he did not regret being Kira, and he did not regret using the Death Note, meeting Ryuuku, and seeing the kind of greatness that other humans have never seen in their entire lives. But he did regret becoming sidetracked from his goal and focusing on becoming a God, he did regret becoming obsessed with eliminating the ones who didn't agree with him...he did regret leading Misa to believe that he would love her if she chopped up her lifespan, even though he knew he would never love her.

He understood, now, the question that had plagued him about the tragedy that had befallen both Misa and himself. Neither of them could stop the universe – the fortune – from making Misa love him...nor could they make Raito love her in return. And the sense of manipulation, of panic, of torture that had followed...it was all a result of this twisted status quo, for which neither was responsible.

Raito respected what he'd been back then...because back then he hadn't known any better.

And in order to become something better tomorrow…it is a prerequisite that one respects what he was until yesterday. And now, fortune had created new needs, and the achievement of these needs required order. Ironically, Raito had now achieved order once more, this time not by narrowing but by broadening his horizons. The person he was until yesterday – that person who had his own brand of beauty – was now transforming into something new.

The true idealist. A man who's focused, precise, clear about his goals. Who had no death or demons to fear any longer…who could exercise his ideals constantly without becoming sidetracked.

With one sudden lurch, he jerked the door open.

No sooner had he pulled the plank of wood apart than he was blinded by absolute, extreme,

Light.

(1) there is an expression in Japanese called 'baka-sojiki', which means exactly 'honest to the point of idiocy / so honest that can be easily manipulated'. And since I've been consistently trying in this fanfic to immitate the Japanese way of speaking – even if I'm writing in English – I've tried to express this phrase as well.

(2) I'm sorry if this offends anyone. This is said from Raito's POV, and it's designed to emphasize a point. I am not trying to insult anyone's religion or imply (in any way) that the parable of Adam and Eve in the Bible is erroneous. This fic is just a collection of philosophical questions, and since, at this point, the story of Adam and Eve seemed fitting to instigate Raito's thoughts, I used it. I'm not worried, however, since I know that people who like yaoi tend to be more open-minded about things in general. In any case, if I offended anybody, please tell me and I'll do my best to make it up to you.

I hope everyone liked the conclusion of the trial!

I thought that I'd make Raito not kill anyone in the end, but that ending sounded extremely cliché. Besides, the whole trial was supposedly taking place in Raito's mind, so I eventually decided that a conflict of Shinigami values and human values was in order, even if it involved a mandatory killing.

I think I made it clear in the end that, despite not being OOC and not regretting being Kira, or thinking himself absolutely guilty for everything that has happened, Raito has changed. He's become more human, and much more open-minded, as well as prepared to see things from different POVs.

Also, if some of the philosophic points about justice/crime/punishment etc. are not perfect, please pardon me. I don't take philosophy as a class, so I don't know the best way to talk about these issues, or if the arguments are valid. That's why I need your help to ascertain it!

In any case, whatever the problems with the philosophical arguments (which I will tinker with in the future) I hope that the theme of the novel became clear: the quest for justice never ends, and if we accept to be fatalistic about justice, like the Shinigami have, then the world will never progress. What Raito did by killing people was a failure, but Raito is a sympathetic character because he had the will to help people. There is emphasis on human thought, human justice and human perception in the fic. DN did not include a God anywhere, and the atmosphere of DN is atheistic…so I tried to keep everything from a human perspective.

In the future chapters, I hope that I will retain and augment these themes!

This is officially the second to last chapter of solo!Raito. In the end of chapter twelve there is a spark, and in chapter thirteen the romance officially starts.

Please send me your feedback! Now that I'm working on this fic twenty four hours a day (no kidding), I need all the support I can get! And since I can't show it to my dad (the eternal curse of yaoi) you guys are all I've got!

So drop me a line and tell me what you think!