A message from the author:
Dear readers and reviewers,
I doubt any of you who once read and enjoyed this story will ever get to read this message, but I felt that your reviews – sent over the last 15 years with many pleas for its completion – at least merit a response.
The truth is that the last 15 years have been a great personal struggle for me, which unfortunately started right around the time that this story was in its last Act, …the world of Mu . In these 15 long years I have gone through depression, a hellish eating disorder, a slew of painful toxic relationships (turns out life doesn't play out like a fanfic indeed), a collapse in my family dynamics, emigration to different countries – you name it. Unfortunately, slash romance and fantasy were the last thing in my mind, as I struggled hopelessly both to divorce myself from my fantasies and visions, and instead to create happiness in the real world… as it turns out, I was much happier when I was lost in teenage dreams.
Nevertheless, there is one thing that I have always thought throughout my struggles, and that is: "I wrote that damn long fic. And I promised these people I will end it. And one day I WILL end it."
Please understand my inner conflict – when I wrote this story, I was 18. Now, I am 35. It's quite a leap…and these days when I reread it, I do roll my eyes. The plot and ideas are good, some passages are powerful…but MY GOD if it isn't long-winded. It's reeeeeally self-indulgent with the long descriptions and the long characterizations and the loooong psychological insights and balablabla… And sometimes it seems that in the plot we are going in circles – the characters should have learned their lessons more clearly. Of course this is a result of having started the fic without any plot outline and without being a native speaker…in short, not knowing what I was doing. But yeah. In any case, you get the picture – a lot of self-judgment and hair-pulling going on now, when I read it back. In my mind, this thing needs a MAJOR edit – I'm talking proper overhaul…First off, half of it doesn't need to be there, it's just long long loooooooong. :D
BUT fair enough. I said I would finish it, and I intend to finish it. My eating disorder and life issues seem to continue in any case, …so I might as well sink myself back into the romantic dreams of yore and feel better. Nowadays I realize that REAL men have nothing to do with what I'm writing about….and that's actually fine! This is fantasy, and it's great. Two gorgeous men humping each other in the afterlife.
Because, BELIEVE ME, we aaaaaall want to see it happen. Goodness knows I DEFINITELY do. I even saw a person wrote a one-shot called "The End" because they soooo wanted to see it happen.
And it's going to happen. 2024. We've waited enough .I will NOT have my fic be logged as "dead" or "dormant" in anyone's rec list…it might be badly written, but it will be complete. And for Goodness' sake….for GOODNESS' sake, we're finally going to find our redemption after 250,000 words and 15 years of bloody UST.
It's going to happen. I'm rereading the story now because – believe it – I've forgotten half the plot. And then, once I'm done reading, I will start writing.
And here's the good news for you: at 35 I don't have even half the patience and stamina that I did before. I'm DONE with the huge long descriptions…bring on the action, baby!And also, because I am now 35 instead of 18…now I DO have the requisite relationship experience…and I AM ready to use it.
Be well, turn on the update notification. Something will be coming up, heh.
X Ezan