Chapter 18:

Self discovery

It was quiet in the high seraphim's office, the silence only periodically broken by the telltale sound of scribbling of a golden glowing quill running across a set of official documents as Sera was in the middle of finishing up her work for the day.

The dull, monotonous chore didn't allow for much excitement and stimulation for the brain, especially after a few hours of this as Sera's mind began to wander, as it often would near the tail end of a long days' worth of work, after all, being high seraphim came with allot of responsibilities.

But as she began to zone out, her hand began to move on its own as the quill touched the corner of the page and the tall angel began to scribble something.

It had been literal millennia since Sera had indulged into one of her hobbies, one of which being figure drawing as slowly, a face became more and more apparent in the drawing.

"Hey Sera" A voice snapped her out of her thoughts as the tall angel looked up, being met with her sister, Emily, peeking through the door of her office "Yes Emily? Something the matter?"

The younger seraphim smiled "Lute just got back from the hotel and she got word from Charlie that they have a date scheduled where they can have Zestial have a look at Vallery, we might finally get more answers" as she stepped inside the office and got closer.

But once Emily walked right up to her sister's desk, her eyes fell on the doodle in the corner of Sera's paperwork "Oh, you drew something? You haven't drawn for a long time"

At first, Sera squinted her eyes "I…I did? Must have zoned out" but as her gaze fell on the paper, her eyes widened at the obvious small doodle of the tall overlord known as Carmilla Carmine in the bottom right corner of the page.

Emily was startled when she wanted to lean in closer to better look at the small doodle, being unable to make out exactly what it was, only to be stopped when her sister practically SLAMMED her hand over it in a panicked way "W-WHY….why don't you and Lute go on ahead and leave early today? I'll finish everything up here!"

Emily gave her big sister a confused glance, before shrugging "Well if you insist" as she decided to drop it for now.

Trying to keep a smile on her face, the SECOND Emily had left, Sera tore the little corner with the doodle on it off the page, snapping her fingers with some quick magic to restore the document as she strolled over to a nearby paper basket…but as she held her hand with the doodle in it over it….she just couldn't bring herself to throw it away….

"What…..what is wrong with me?" Sera thought to herself as she quickly glanced around, making sure she was alone, before taking a long, close look at the small, little drawing…..There was no doubt about it….she drew Carmilla Carmine's face….

"No….she was probably the first thing that came to mind because the small coffee meeting with her was so recently, nothing more" the tall, mocha skinned woman tried to reason with herself….but again, she couldn't bring herself to throw it away….so, with a deep sigh…..she pocketed the little doodle, before putting her paperwork into her desk drawer, locking up her office and heading out….

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Having curled up on the sofa with one of her favorite books by now, evening began to fall over heaven as Sera tried to focus on the story before her.

Her feet tucked underneath her, she let her gaze fall over the words on the pages, but no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't focus as the events of the last 2 days played on repeat in her head.

Sighing, she finally gave up as she placed her bookmarker between the pages, closed the book and returned it to her extensive bookshelf before returning to the couch as she began to give whatever happened some more thought.

In over 10.000 years, she had never questioned her sexuality even once, she knew she was attracted to men, so, she had to be straight, right? It wasn't her fault that women were just inherently attractive too…..or was it?

She would check the time….not too late….maybe Emily was still awake….

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The sudden ringing of Emily's phone interrupted hers and Lute's gameshow as she picked up "Hey Sera, what's the matter?"

She recognized the tone in her sister's voice right away, stuttering and unsure, her normally stern and steeled composure now absent, something she only felt comfortable doing around a hand full of people "Uhm….h-hey Emily, I'm not waking you 2 up, aren't i?"

The younger seraphim put the phone on speaker as Lute piped up "Yo, what's up? And no, you're good, we were watching "Feathery feud" ".

Taking a deep breath, Sera began to ask "Well….i have a question…..h-how does one…."know" they're straight?"

Emily pondered as she gave her girlfriend a look, somehow having entire conversations with her wordlessly as Lute nodded before she continued "Well Sera….for a woman who claims to be straight, you've slept with an awful lot of women" at which said angel would answer "Well, women are just pretty, it's not my fault they are"

Lute chuckled "That's…..not how it works, Sera" causing the confusion in the tall seraphim's voice to become apparent.

"Ok…" Emily asked "What do you think of men?"

Sera gave this some thought "I mean….yea, they're attractive, I've always thought they were" giving Emily and Lute the first half of their answer, as Lute finished the question "And women? Like, do you think they look attractive?"

Sera scoffed, as if Lute had asked her a stupid question "I mean, of course they are, aren't they? Women are pretty"

Emily and Lute exchanged another look, telling each other all they needed to know "Sis….not everyone thinks that way…."

It became very quiet on the other side of the line all of a sudden for a few minutes, before Sera would softly ask "They….don't?"

"Nope" Lute spoke "I don't find men attractive….like, not in the slightest" before Emily picked up where Lute stopped "Angel Dust for example, he doesn't find women attractive, he's homosexual, he's gay" before Lute finished "And I like women, I'm lesbian"

The line was quiet again, the high seraphim being in deep thought before she asked "And….you, Emily?"

Emily chuckled "I'm like you, I like both women AND men, that's called bisexual"

A long silence came from the other end, followed by a "Oh….i see….." as Sera pondered this newfound knowledge "You 2 have given me…..something to think about….thank you for your time…." And after some quick thank you's and good bye's, Sera hung up….

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It had been a week since her phonecall with Emily and Sera currently sat at a table on the terrace of her usual morning tea location.

Something she'd often do right before getting to work, and as she scanned through the menu, seeing what different blends of tea they had, she sighed to herself "Sera, if it were a sin, they wouldn't serve it….you've done worse, you can indulge a little….as long as it's measured" sighing to herself, she did the one thing she'd never imagine herself to do…..she ordered a cappuccino….

As the waitress came with her beverage, Sera gave her sister's words some more thought as she took in the woman's appearance…..she was pretty…..REALLY pretty…..

Squinting her eyes, she began scanning the promenade for others, she HAD to test this theory…..there, a man….tall, lean muscle…..half long, blonde hair…..yea….no doubt about it…he was handsome….but in a different way than the girl….

Another person caught her attention….neither man nor woman…as Sera realized…"they're hot too….WHY IS EVERYONE HOT?!"

"I can't believe I'm doing this" Sera mumbled to herself as, once the waitress had left, she closed her eyes and imagined herself "With" these people, but when she realized all 3 options seemed VERY appealing to her, her eyes shot wide open in realization as she mumbled under her breath….

"Ashley was right…I think I might be bisexual…."

The next week was filled with research. Looking up blogs, watching video essays, reading through self-discovery articles, and the more Sera did, the more the grueling reality began to set in…..that she might not be as straight as she had always claimed to me….

It was during her evening stroll to clear her head that she passed a little shop on the promenade. Around this time, there were usually a good portion of bistros and shops still open so, seeing people enjoy themselves by shopping wasn't exactly rare, as Sera passed this quaint little shop, a variety of little pins, bracelets and necklaces with what appeared to be rainbow flags on them, tho there was one in particular that caught the tall seraphim's eye.

Getting the shopkeeper's attention with a smile and a gentle wave, Sera would point at a pin with a 3 colored flag on it, a dark pink on top, a more purple-ish color in the middle and a dark blue on the bottom as she asked "I have a question, what does that one mean?"

Smiling back at her, the young lady behind the counter picked up one of the pins "Ah yes, this one, that's the bisexual pride flag"

"Hu" Sera perked up as she glanced around before she leaned in and mumbled out "I'll…..i-I'll take one"

Not long after the transaction, Sera left the store, looking at the enamel pin that now sat in her hand, the metal had this warm, golden hue and the colors were vibrant against the shiny metallic frame.

She looked over it for a bit, deep in thought

"There's nothing wrong with it, Sera, there's plenty of bisexual people up here in heaven….heck your own SISTER is bi….so then why am I so afraid to admit it?"

Taking a deep breath, Sera closed her eyes and as she exhaled, she bit the bullet as she pinned the pin on, right under her right collarbone…

"I…..i'm bisexual….and that's ok….."