Peter and Karen

Chapter 8: Loss

When Reed didn't come back at the first schedule time Sue wasn't too worried. They had planned for this and honestly, she could see her husband and Spider-Man getting lost in any new technology or information from another universe. Her brother, well she knew how easily distracted Johnny could get. So, she opened the portal at the time she was supposed to and waited a few more minutes.

She was starting to get worried and moved to the communications system set up to see if anything was wrong when the portal reacted as the Fantastic Car slowly came through. Sue smiled seeing them but then frowned seeing that Karen was still with them.

Had something gone wrong? Did Reed make a mistake and got to the wrong universe after all?

Power Girl looked like she was about to break down into tears as the taller blonde woman quietly got out of the vehicle and just walked ahead, her eyes nearly dead to the world. It was then Sue noticed how quiet the others were and the looks on her husband and brother's faces.

"Karen?" Sue asked as the woman just walk by her. She was about to go after her when she felt the hand of her husband on her shoulder. She looked over to see Reed's extended hand as he walked up to his wife. She could see the sorrow in his eyes and knew something horribly wrong had gone on.

"Reed…what happened?" Sue asked him.

For Kara she was mostly just shut down, she had been shutting down since she learned what Flash did. She knew he didn't mean for it to happen, but he erased her life, he did something that can't be fixed, he wrecked her life. She couldn't stand to be in the same room as him anymore, let alone the same planet. Because in her grief she was afraid of what she might do, she might cross a line she didn't want to cross.

Maybe one day she could forgive him, but that was a long way off and now. Now she was just wrapped up in so much pain she couldn't think, she couldn't really feel. She just walked to the single room she had been staying here because it was the only thing she had left.

She got to her room and locked the door behind her, throwing off the red cape she started to take off her gloves when she noticed it. Her hands were shaking, it made for pulling the gloves off more difficult and when they were off, she just stared at her shaking hands. At least she stared at them until her vision started to get obscure from tears in her eyes.

Balling her fist her face scrunched up as she took a shuddering breath. Kara walked over to the bed and feel onto it, she grabbed one of the pillows pulling it closer as she buried her face into it and screamed. She just screamed out all her pain, all her sadness, all her grief. Then the crying came next, she let out everything she had been holding in.

Everything was just gone.

Again.

It finally happened, the universe finally broke her. She couldn't stand it anymore, how many more times can someone stand to lose everything? Even though the sun hadn't set yet and her room was filled with light, she felt nothing but darkness. She felt so alone, she felt his large gapping hole inside but the whole wasn't empty. There was this throbbing pain that seemed to echo her heartbeat.

She didn't remember when it happened, but she literally had cried herself to sleep that night.

-One Week Later-

Peter was in his lab at Horizon working, or at least trying to. His mind was busy as he just couldn't stop thinking about Karen. Although they hadn't known each other long he liked to consider her a friend. Said friend apparently had holed up in her room and hadn't come out. The Fantastic Four were worried, their kids were worried, Peter was worried.

After finding out that her home was basically rewritten with no hope of restoring it, she hadn't said a word. She just left with them, and he guess he could see why, she had nowhere else to go. There was already a different Power Girl in that reality. Reed had helped set something up with Cyborg so the two could stay in touch. Both men would create what they were dubbing the 'quantum mirror' to talk to the other and share notes.

Victor would work using Reed's help in getting the Earth-2 Power Girl and her friend home.

That still left Karen.

Peter yelped as he just zapped himself. "Ouch, well that hurt."

Waving his hand, he looked at it, he had a hell of a lot worse in life. He remembered reading that medical report before his 'death' and The Other brought him back free from all his injuries. Even his old battle scars were gone. Granted he no longer had access to those extra abilities, he couldn't really complain.

He went to sit on a chair as his mind went back to Karen. Peter knew what loss was, he lost his parents at an early age. Sure, he barely remembered them but in some ways that was even worst. Growing up he knew he was missing something. God bless his aunt and uncle they were the best type of people to raise him. They were basically his 'parents' when he thought about it but some part of him always wanted them to just walk back into his life again.

Then he loss his uncle, the guilt and pain he always felt stabbed him in the chest. He thought of Captain Stacey, which of course lead to Gwen. He could still remember the feeling of holding her limp lifeless body in his arms.

He remembered his failed relationships, Felicia, Mary Jane the most of all.

All that pain and loss and Peter would admit, a few times he had tried to quit being Spider-Man, quit this life but he kept coming back to it. Karen however was going through all this and more and this wouldn't even be the first time she had gone through all this.

"Okay Peter," he said to himself getting up and throwing off the lab coat. "She's been quiet for too long, doesn't answer her texts or phone. Time to go see her in person." He had been giving her space but maybe it was time to stop giving her such space. He went to the security door to the small walk in room. He put in his access codes as the door unlocked and opened revealing his Spider-Cave.

Alright it was more of a Spider-Room but that didn't sound as cool.

It was a supply room with a security door designed to hold volatile items for safe storage. It also was a great place to put all his Spider-Man stuff. You never knew what some people would store in these things. Chemicals that could explode, something radioactive, a virus. It made people think twice about snooping in anyone else's labs.

Putting on his costume he left through the skylight and out he went. Peter made for a beeline to the Baxter building.

When he got into the building he started to look around, hopefully he could find someone and ask them how Karen was doing. Thankfully he ran into Sue first as he saw her in the gym running on a treadmill in workout clothing.

"Hey Sue," Spider-Man waved to her walking in.

"Oh Spider-Man," Sue had the machine slow down to a stop as she grabbed a towel to wipe off the sweat.

"Working hard?" He asked.

"I'm a mother of two, you have any idea how hard it is to keep my figure after that?" She smiled at him taking some water.

Peter had to admit that Sue was a very attractive woman, seeing her all sweaty in skintight clothing wasn't helping. He really hoped Reed appreciated the type of woman he married. He shook his mind out of that getting to the business at hand. "Well, I wish I was here for something more light hearted…how is she doing?"

Sue's face fell. "Honestly? Not well, she hadn't come out of her room as far as I can tell. I tried talking and left food. She eats some and leaves the rest, honestly, we're all really worried about her. Ben suggested he just rip off the door but given how strong she is and reacts badly to that…"

"Yeah, there would be a few Grimm shaped holes in the walls of this building." Peter sighed.

"We were honestly thinking of calling in Dr. Samson to have a talk with her." Sue suggested.

Peter thought about it the gamma powered phycologist might be someone they could all upon. Still, he felt that someone had to get in there and talk to her. They had to get her to open up if not physically then emotionally. Then an idea struck him, it could be risky depending on her mental state and given how fast she was he wasn't sure he could avoid her even with spider sense. She had zipped across the room to pin Flash before he could react after all.

But maybe it was worth a shot.

"Hey Sue, are the windows of the Baxter building still got that security function Reed put in that can lock or open them?" Peter asked.

-Power Girl's Room-

'What time was it?' Kara asked as she heard knocking on the door. Why can't they just leave her alone? Alone…that's what she was, alone in not only the world but the multiverse. How long has she been in bed? She didn't care, what was the point of it all? Every time she got up and rebuilt her life it always seemed to get knocked down again.

The room was a mess, her clothing scattered into a corner she was just in an oversized t-shirt and her underwear laying on the bed which hadn't been made all week. Her hair was a mess, she could smell herself knowing she hadn't showered in a few days. The times she did, she could end up crying on the floor.

Sue seemed to leave food outside her door, she heard the woman talking through it but Karen didn't want to talk to anyone. She just tuned the world out as she was left alone in her misery. She would eat what was given but not all of it, she just didn't have much of an appetite these days.

How many days has it been? She lost track, not that she cared to keep track.

She just didn't see the point in anything. She had no home to go back to and boy was she sick of that happening. She couldn't have stayed in that universe, it was just too hard to be in it. Everywhere she looked was just a reminder of how everything used to be and never will be again. She really couldn't stand to look at Barry again. It hurt too much to be in that universe.

She hurt to be here too but at least she wasn't being crushed by it, here it was just all around her.

Kara didn't know what to do, how to get out of this living hell anymore. She kept thinking to all the people that she had known. All her friends at work, Atlee who might not even exist anymore. That hurt the most, the young woman had been fast becoming one of her closest friends and now she was just…gone.

So in the end what was she supposed to do? Just stay in a universe that wasn't hers anymore. Waiting for Reed to send that other 'her' to Earth-2 and then what? Just move in and take over that live like some kind of second hand-me-downs? She wasn't going to make another new identity for herself, she wasn't giving up on Karen Starr, she put too much work and effort to make that name her own.

Yet, what did it matter anymore?

She was so lost in her own thoughts she didn't even notice the window sliding open or something coming in from it. Suddenly there was a weight on the bed as she slowly opened her eyes to the familiar red and blue costume.

"How did you get it?" Karen muttered.

"Through the window," There was no humor or good-natured tone to his voice now. "We're all worried about you."

She turned so she wasn't facing him. "Go away."

"Karen you can't keep doing this to yourself," Spider-Man said gently. "Wasting away in here isn't healthy."

"What's the point? I lose everything, make a life for myself, lose everything again and again. I'm sick of this never-ending cycle." She wished he would go away, that the whole world would just go away.

Peter was silent not sure what to say to her, what could he say? He sighed just sitting there on the bed facing away form her. "We've all known loss Karen, not to your extend at least. Sue lost a child in childbirth once."

Karen's eyes widened at that she never knew that. She didn't know them well enough to go into the full history.

"There's this guy Scott, lost his family as a kid, was orphaned, as an adult he found out his little brother survived as did his dad but not his mom. Then his wife dies, comes back and then died again."

"I could tell you about the Silver Surfer who gave himself up to this world eating ancient being, was turned into something else and served him for years before throwing off the chains but then his former boss threw his home planet out to some random destination."

"Or…I can tell you about myself. How the first love of my life died in my arms, how I lost my parents as child and the man that raised me as a son died because of one stupid decision I made. We all experience loss Karen. There were times I even gave up being Spider-Man, I just couldn't take it anymore, but something always pulled me back."

Peter looked at the wall thinking about everything. "So many of us put on the costume and try and do something we think is right in the world. No matter our pain or loss for some reason we just keep getting back up. I think that's the hardest part, to get back up when you get knocked down. There's always this part of you telling you to just stay down, take the loss, that only getting up invites more pain."

Karen shifts listening to his words.

"The thing is, no matter what we always get back up. We all have something that keeps us going, friends, family or just knowing that you make a difference. I know you're suffering right now but you got people here that are worried for you. We're here for you Karen."

She frowns at that last part. "But for how much longer? I keep losing everyone, what's to say that in a year the same thing doesn't happen again, and then again, then again? I can't keep doing this, I can't just…keep building my life for it to always come crashing down."

Her life was like her trying to build a sandcastle on the beach, the tide keeps coming in and just washes everything away, leaving her with nothing.

"I wish I could promise you that will never happen again, I really do." Peter sighs. "But I don't think anyone can make that promise to you."

Seriously, once was bad enough but this just keep happening to her. He always thought the universe liked to pick on him, well Peter just learned that the universe could be a lot crueler than he thought it could be.

There was a moment of silence as she closed her eyes. "It's so hard…I'm not sure I can do this again…"

Peter looks over his shoulder at her and gently reaches out to touch her shoulder. She feels the touch but doesn't reach.

"I know and if I could, I would make it, so it never happens again…just know that for now you don't have to go this alone again."

Kara stays motionless for a moment before silently getting into a sitting position next to him looking down at the ground. "Where do I even start?"

"Well if you want, Sue said something about getting in touch with someone that might help."

"Help in what way?"

Peter paused not sure how this was going to be taken. "Well, his name is Doc Samson."

"What kind of doctor?"

"He's, uh…a psychiatrist. A super powered one actually."

Karen snorts. "Okay that's a new one."

"Yeah, I mean we got She-Hulk who is a super powered lawyer so why not this? Plus, there's Doctor Strange who was a brain surgeon who is now Sorcerer Supreme. Maybe I should go back to school and finish my doctorate." Peter could in theory do that but with his life? He was lucky to make it as far as he did before he had to drop out and help his Aunt with living expenses. Then things just kind of snowballed from there just trying to have a job that could pay the bills.

Karen wasn't sure but she had been holed up in a room for days now. Did she really need to see a shrink? Okay maybe she didn't deal with all of this well but how the hell was someone supposed to deal with his kind of crap being done to her life?

She looked around the small room, did she really just want to hole up in here for the rest of her life? Could she even do that? She had a feeling the Fantastic Four wouldn't just kick her out but she couldn't live off them forever.

She leaned on his shoulder resting her head on it as she just stared at the wall. "Would it actually help?"

Peter shrugged. "Couldn't hurt. I mean if the Scarlet Witch had gotten help what happened with her might not have happened."

"That sounds like a story."

"Yeah, kind of a long and complex one," Peter used his free arm to scratch the back of his head. "TLDR version? She had magically made kids since she always wanted to be a mom but had to get rid of them. No one knew just how badly it messed her up to do that. Then there was some mind manipulation, all leading up to her completely losing it. She attacked the Avengers team she was a part of and things…got bad." He didn't want to go into the deaths of Hawkeye and Ant-Man but they both got better.

"Anyways she warped reality where mutants were top dog but then warped it back but with a major change. Most of the world's mutant population lost their powers."

"That last part doesn't sound too bad," Kara stated.

"Except that now every mutant hating group now has free targets who can't fight back." Peter sighed.

"But they weren't mutants anymore, why would they?" Karen was still learning about the mutant issue before she broke down. So, she knew she had a lot of gaps to fill in.

"Some people just can't let go of hate." Peter tells her. "Plus, it was sudden so any mutant flying or say had gills and was swimming deep under the water suddenly lost their powers."

"Oh no," She whispered out suddenly realizing where he was going with this. She thought of herself flying and then suddenly becoming human and falling to her death.

"Yeah…she's better now but a lot of that could have been prevented." Spider-Man said sadly.

Karen thought about herself now, she was stuck in her own depression she knew that. But what if she went another route? What if she became uncontrollable or violent in her pain? She suddenly remembered Hal Jordon when he lost Coast City thanks to Mongul and the fake Cyborg Superman. While it was later learned he had been influenced by the Parallax entity, it was still partly him.

Hal had gone off and took Green Lantern rings, even killing other Lanters all to bring his city back. So, she had seen firsthand what pain can do to a person and a person with powers like her could be extremely dangerous.

Maybe it would be a first step in getting her head on straight. Maybe she just needed to take that first step. It was just so hard to do. She slipper her hand into his not saying a word as he looked surprised before holding it back. It was a nice warm hand she found. He was nice and warm she hadn't even realized how cold she felt inside until this moment.

She had been through so much, losing her planet, then regaining her memories of her lost time on the other Earth. Now her life was gone again and there was nothing to fix it. The hole inside of her just seemed so massive.

Peter just stayed silent just trying to be there for her. She was physically so powerful and strong but, in this moment, she was just a broken person trapped in their pain. It was like she was shattered glass, and any movement would make the cracks bigger. Maybe he shouldn't have gone so deep with the pain other people went through, but she needed to know she wasn't alone. There were other people that knew what loss was and they were willing to help her.

"You think it would help?" Karen said softly.

"I think talking about it might help a bit at least," He responded. Peter hadn't taken therapy himself although her certainly had his own issues to deal with. "I used to have someone I could talk to all the time with my issues, and she helped me a lot."

"Who's that?"

"Ex-girlfriend," Peter smiled at the memory of Mary Jane. God, he still missed her, she had always been there for him. Always the one to encourage him, to talk sense into him, to be there to help patch him up both physically and mentally. "We broke up awhile back, we still stay in touch but…things…just didn't work out."

He wished they had, they were supposed to have gotten married but for whatever reason, it just didn't happen. He often wondered what his life would have been like if they had gone through with it. MJ would always be the 'one that got away' to him. Kind of like Black Cat but they were totally different types of women, but both had been big parts of his life.

"So yeah, trust me talking about it might be a good first step." Peter

"You going anywhere? Because this is a lot of baggage to unpack." Karen sighed.

"Tell you what, unless the city goes on fire, or a giant monster shows up or a giant spaceship is just hovering over Manhattan, I'll be here." Peter joked.

"That's fair." She nodded.

"Although can I make a suggestion?"

"Sure."

"Now this is kind of a delicate question but…when was the last time you showered?"

Power Girl shifted as she smelled herself and yeah, she was getting kind of ripe. "I…guess it's been a while."

"Yeah, I've been trying not to say anything but you might want to do something about that," Peter gently joked with her. "Tell you what, you get cleaned up and I'll make us something to eat and we can just talk."

She paused thinking it over before getting up. "Yeah okay, maybe I'll feel a little better cleaned."

Karen went into the small bathroom as she closed the door and took off what little clothing she had on. She could smell it without pulling it up to her face as she grimaced. She was going to have to put these away to be cleaned. Stepping into the warm shower she just let the water fall on her, closing her eyes trying not to think.

Sometimes it felt like her brain was just wrapped up in razor wire and others she just didn't want to think. The warm water was slowly started to make her a little bit more at ease. She opened her eyes to use the soap next and by the time she was finish she did feel a bit better now that she felt actually clean. Drying herself off she looked in the mirror and frowned at the image there.

Her eyes looked tired, and her hair was a mess, she could see the sadness in her face. She closed her eyes and too a breath. She didn't want to be like this anymore, she wanted out of this pit she found herself in. Opening them she looked away not wanting to see her refection, at least not until she started feeling better.

She paused at the door and knocked. "Spider? If you're out there I need to change."

She was not putting those filthy clothing back on that was for sure. She didn't hear anything as she took a look with x-ray vision to see the room was empty and that the linens on her bed were gone.

"Did he take them?" She opened the door to see the bare bed and guessed those needed to be cleaned too. So, she put on some simple jeans and a shirt as she went to reach the door she paused. If she left this room she would have to start dealing with her issues, she knew that. In here she could just hide from the world.

Power Girl made a fist. "No, no more hiding. I'm Power Girl, I've faced off insane villains, powerful entities, and all sorts of stuff. I'm not letting this beat me, come on Kara you got this. Just…just take it one step. Just take one step out and then it's just another step after that."

Taking a deep breath, she opened the door and caught Sue coming to her room a few feet away with fresh linens.

"Karen," the blonde mother beamed as she quickly walked forward and gave the woman a hug. "I'm so glad to see you."

Karen felt the motherly warmth of the other woman and felt the sting in her eyes. She could barely remember her own mother, but this warmth brought back long buried memories. She slowly hugged back. "Sorry for worrying everyone."

"If anyone has a right it's you," Sue told whispered to her. "You've been through so much lately."

Kara nodded feeling the lump in her throat but coughed as she pulled back. "What's with that?"

Sue looked down at the fresh bedding. "Spider-Man found me and asked where the laundry room was when he told me what he was doing. I told him where and I could get some clean sheets for you." Sue placed a hand on the alien woman's arm. "I'm more worried about you."

"I'm…" She couldn't say 'okay' as she knew she wasn't. "Slowly dealing…"

"If you ever need someone to talk to let me know," Sue replied with a warm smile.

"Thanks, I may take you up on it," Karen let the other women to her task as she went to the kitchen. Each step felt a little lighter than the next, but it still felt like she had weights on her feet trying to drag her down. She knew this would be a road to recovery but at least she wasn't alone in it.

Now, now she just had to learn how to live again and to rebuild not only herself but her life.

"Time to start over…again," she felt that familiar pain aching in her chest, but she pushed past it. She needed to start somewhere and today was the day she started.

TBC…

Before someone brings it up it's unclear when Doc Samson was brought back exactly from the dead also he didn't turn evil yet or have a split personality in this universe at this time.