In Your Hand
Chapter 1
"Update, Friday."
Tony peels his face off the desk.
It's been serving as his makeshift bed the past couple of months, and probably for the foreseeable future, since he can't bring himself to sleep in his own bed anymore.
Too many memories there.
...speaking of which.
Head pounding, he spots the glass of scotch he passed out with hours before and downs it in a single go. The liquid goes down like fire, and he coughs, hoping it will numb the pain, although it has yet to.
He knows he needs to stop. He knows he does. He's treading into habits better left in the past, but what's the point anymore?
Everyone's left him.
What else does he have except this?
Trying to save the world on his own and prove them all wrong is a farce at best.
He'd rather have them by his side, but whatever. Like they care anyway.
These people, who were supposed be his brothers in arms, all ran away, like a bunch of rebellious children who didn't like being told what to do, and here he thought they were more than that.
He thought they understood what was at stake, given he's been shouting it from the rooftops since he fell out of that wormhole.
The goddamn Chitauri invasion alone should have been enough to open their eyes, and yet here he sits, the only one left.
Evensheleft him.
Sighing, Tony rubs a hand over his face, painfully.
That's probably the scariest part about all this, is how the hell did he turn into the responsible one that tries to play nice?
Seems the world really is ending, and that's fine by him.
He's spent the last three months stuck. Lost in a sea of contingencies and possibilities, surrounded by five different projects designed to accomplish a non-accomplishable feat, and yet none of them are finished, and why?
Again, because he just can't do this alone.
A suit of armor around the world takes a team, he's realized, and he is not a team. He is just one broken man right now.
He puts his head into his hands.
Because that's it to.
Maybe if his heart wasn't so goddamn broken by all this, he could focus - get something done, but thanks to Natasha, that's near impossible.
The Black Widow.
Tony knows damn well it has to be karma that he fell so hard for somebody that has even bigger commitment issues than he does.
He must be the biggest dumbass in the world, to think someone who makes a living out of lies would make him the exception to those lies.
He's not even sure what time this makes that she's ghosted him, because it's certainly not the first. Not by a mile. Maybe he's just too embarrassed to keep track anymore.
She told him that she loved him. Three words he never expected to leave her mouth, but they did, multiple times. And after years of chasing her, he thought that meant something. That they could finally be together, and that they were getting somewhere, but he fell for it again.
That same old trick. She's been pulling it since the night of his birthday party, when she seduced him pretending to be his assistant - Natalie.
Natasha is the one who started all of this, and if he could go back, he would tell her to fuck off.
…well, probably not, but he can dream, can't he?
Just like always, she gets all the information out of him, whatever she needs, and then goes on her merry way, not caring about the carnage it wreaks on his heart along the way.
She's become a phantom like that. Someone who moves in and out of his life, sucking the energy from him when she needs it, and then disappearing back into the shadows.
She'll never change. He knows this now, but god he wishes it was different, because being with her does something wonderful to him.
The woman gets him in ways not even Pepper could, but maybe he should have just stayed with Pepper, and gave up his suits, and whatever else she asked for when he had the chance, because now he's destined to love someone who won't stay, and has serious trust issues.
This all reminds him of how he felt when he was a kid. Giving and giving, in hopes of winning the long sought after love of his father, and yet it was never enough.
He's never enough.
That's why he should just forget all about her. Lay it to rest, but he can't.
It would be healthier, certainly, if he did. Healthier than him sitting in the basement of the facility, developing all kinds of facial recognition software, just so he can find her and she can probably tell him to his face what he already knows - that it's over.
Tony is sick like that.
A lonely man who enjoys rejection, and wants people who don't want him back, apparently.
You could say he was doomed to this life of masochism from the start, another gift of Howard's A parenting.
Tony stares longingly into the bottom of his empty liquor glass, holding back tears now.
He should be doing something more productive than wallowing in pity, like saving cats in trees, or whatever.
Do cats even still climb up in trees?
He doesn't know.
All he does know, is that he needs a win right now. Something that will give him a reason to go on, and not revert back to his old ways, if that's even possible.
Because he's sure been making a go of it lately.
The only reason he hasn't hit the club yet is because he's pathetically holding out hope this is all a mistake. That Natasha only left because Ross is after her, and they will have their happily ever after.
More lies.
More delusions.
When will it stop?
He pours more alcohol into the glass, head swirling and fuzzy, barely noticing Friday's voice piercing through the silence of the workshop, yelling at him.
"Boss!" She tries to get his attention, because he's out of it. Lost in his own misery.
Tony glares from within his darkened corner of the lab. Can't she see he doesn't want to be bothered?
"I said I found Ms. Romanoff!" Friday exclaims, cheerfully.
Tony snorts at her words.
It's times like these he hates that all his AI's inherit his smartass sense of humor.
They fuck with him, and don't have the capacity to see its not funny.
"Yeah, good one, Fri," he says. "You got me."
"I'm not joking, Boss!" Friday insists. "I found Ms. Romanoff, look!"
A hologram appears right in front of him, and Tony moans and shields his eyes at the bright ass light.
"Christ, Friday!" Tony snarls.
"I'm sorry, Boss, but look!"
He purses his lips and lets his eyes adjust to the cornea melting rays to appease her. All he finds is a map with a big red blinking dot over Budapest.
"Friday, what the hell am I looking at?" He asks, annoyed.
But then his eyes swell to saucers as at least a dozen satellite photos of Natasha walking to one of the buildings get plastered across the screen.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" He sits up, quickly - a little to quickly, enough to see stars.
He rubs his eyes, just to make sure it isn't the alcohol playing games with him, but there's no denying.
At first, Tony is overcome with immense joy, but then it's replaced with anger, and resentment half a second later.
So, you have been out there all this time, alive and well, just choosing to ignore me,he thinks to himself, bitterly.
The reality of it cuts deep.
"Are you okay, Boss?" Friday asks, softly when a tear escapes his eye.
"Perfect," Tony says, clearing his throat, trying to wrangle his feelings into something manageable, so he doesn't start sobbing to boot.
He's usually not a crying man, another luxury Howard bestowed upon him, suppressing his feelings, but these past few months have been rough. Not for the first time in his life, he's wondering if there is anyone who truly loves him out there, or if there ever will be. Or will it always just be people that want to use him until there's nothing left? Or worse, want to change him and take away the pieces of who he is?
In the meantime, Friday brings up an x-ray view of the building Natasha is in via satellite.
Tony knows it has to be her, when he sees two figures fighting on the top floor. Who else would be bashing someone's skull in that early in the morning?
"Is there any audio?" He asks Friday, because the brutality of the fight suggests this other person is giving Natasha as good as she gives, which says a lot about their skill level. Until now, he didn't know it was possible for someone else to be on par with her.
"Audio is unavailable," Friday replies.
Tony stares at the screen, suddenly overwhelmed by all of this, and that's a bad sign.
This is the moment he's been waiting for, where he can finally go and confront her like he's been imagining himself doing since he came to her room after their little tiff on the terrace, following Rhodey's accident, but found her gone.
He thought about all the things he would say to her since then. He knows he wants her to know how angry she makes him, leading him on all the time, and that he's not putting up with her disappearing acts anymore if there is something to be salvaged between them. But most importantly, he wants her to know that she needs to make a decision - she either wants to be with him, or she doesn't. He's tired of playing games.
At least those are the things he's been fantasizing about saying to her, but now that the moment is here, he just feels hurt and betrayed, and like chickening out.
What's the point of going?Do you really need another blow?If she truly wanted to be with you and loved you, she wouldn't keep doing this, Stark. Grow a pair and move on.
But Tony doesn't want to move on. As much as the evidence keeps mounting towards her not giving a fuck about him, something keeps telling him he needs to hold out hope, and that his big brain is capable of being wrong.
Besides, how can he move on when he's loved the woman from the moment he laid eyes on her, even during his relationship with Pepper. He loved Pepper, but it's just different with Natasha. Like he said, she gets him like nobody else, and she doesn't expect him to change or give up being Iron Man.
Plus, if he doesn't go now, then who knows how long it will take to find her again. He can't pass this opportunity up. He'll regret it if he does.
48 Hours Later
It's forty below on a mountainside outside a Russian prison.
Tony stands in the blowing snow, fighting off flashbacks of Siberia.
The last 48 hours have been a shit show, to say the least.
First, he may have had a small mental breakdown when people showed up and tried to kill Natasha while she was in Budapest.
Her and her, for lack of a bed word, friend, whom she was fighting with before, stole a car while trying to get away from this crazy person in a tank that was chasing them. It caused them to crash into the subway, and Friday to lose track of her location indefinitely.
After a fit of rage, Tony got drunk and blacked out. The next morning, he awoke in a pool of his own vomit, but as he literally crawled to the shower, unbeknownst to him, Friday had been busy. She seemed even more dedicated to finding Natasha than him, and decided to check the back door they'd created after hacking Ross's computers, just in case the Secretary had any intel regarding her whereabouts.
For once, the man proved himself useful, and had gotten a lead though a guy named Rick Mason, supposedly an ex-Shield agent turned independent contractor. After a little more digging, Friday found out he helps people disappear for the right price. His most recent transactions included an airplane he had moved to didn't seem relevant at the first, but when crosschecked against alleged sightings of Natasha in the area - and there were a lot since people had been reporting anyone with red hair all over the world since she was labeled a traitor, in order to get reward money. Friday came in again and found one description given by a grocery store attendant that matched Natasha's rocking hot bod perfectly. Only the evidence wasn't concrete, and of course she managed to skip the security cameras, but it was all they had to go on.
It took another day of surveillance after that and combing that area of Norway with a fine-toothed satellite, and the facial recognition software but they finally got a hit, andwhilethe transfer was going on.
Tony never liked to get mixed up in all that destiny and fate nonsense, but given what's happened in the last eight years of his life, he's slowly begun to entertain the idea of outside forces being at work here, at least to some degree, because all this seemed too perfect to him.
He didn't waste anytime getting his ass into his armor this time, hi-tailing it into the Russian outback, to the Russian prison where he finds himself now, in a place so damn cold it's actually started to seep in through the crevices of the suit, a matter he's going to have to look into further as soon as he gets home, because that should not be happening. The thing is supposed to be sealed tight and waterproof.
"I'm freezing my balls off, Fri! Why is everything in below zero weather lately?!" He finally breaks his silence.
Friday doesn't answer him, understandably so, she is probably sick of his bitching. She leaves him to wait it out with his growing anxiety.
How nice of her.
Tony just keeps wondering how all of this is going to play out, because low-key, while he's not afraid of Natasha per say, even though he probably should be, she is lethal when she's angry, and he doesn't want to be on the receiving end of that. Regardless if they are screwing or not, the fact she could kill him at anytime, much less if he fucks up her op right now by inserting himself into her business today, weighs heavily on his mind.
"What's the ETA on that audio, Fri?" Tony asks, getting antsy.
"Connecting now, Boss," Friday says.
The sweet sound of Natasha's voice fills his ears, and Tony is overcome with relief, and maybe a bit of nausea.
He really shouldn't have had that poptart with his scotch before he left.
"It's your lucky day, Alexei. Move to the southeast wall."
Probably somebody she's here to break out,Tony thinks.
"Friday, find out who this Alexei guy is please," Tony says.
"Boss, there are numerous individuals with that name in the prison's databanks," Friday replies.
"Then I guess you better work quick."
And then.
"Goto the upper level. Move your ass super soldier."
...
...
Wait.
Super soldier?
Tony blinks.
Suddenly, he is on the ground again, with a shield protruding from his arc reactor, wondering if this is how it ends as Rogers stands above him.
"Friday!" He yells, half panicking, half enraged. "Who-"
"Boss, there is only one inmate in particular that has information in his file related to the super soldier program. His name is Alexei Shostakov, formerly known as the Red Guardian. Russia's answer to Captain America."
Tony has never felt so much anger in his entire life.
How?
Why?
His brain can't make sense of it.
"Well, isn't' that just fucking wonderful?" He seethes.
Because she can't be serious, and this isdefinitely not what he needs right now.
He's already too raw.
As if Steve wasn't enough?
Now she's about to break out his knock-off?
What the hell is her fascination wit super soldiers? He truly wants to know, because it's not cool.
It's not cool how she keeps coming to Steve's rescue all the time. Now this guy?
Working his jaw, Tony tries to calm down as he goes through the minimal information Friday can provide him in the HUD about the guy, but all he finds is himself in no shortage of contempt.
So, she'll fuck me over and let Steve, and his precious Barnes, and she'll break this asshole out of his prison, but when it comes to me, the person she supposedly loves, she treats me like yesterday's news. Amazing.
An ache spreads throughout Tony's chest, bordering on unbearable, but before he can get too caught up in his brooding, Friday is yelling at him again.
"Boss, there are sharpshooters gathering on the towers," she says.
"I don't give a fuck," Tony replies, but blasts off towards the prison anyway, with his retro-reflection panels engaged.
He scans the area to get a better idea of the layout of the place, spotting the snipers in the towers that Friday mentioned, as well as some filling into the grounds.
A loud pop erupts from below - a door being smashed open. Then the man Tony assumes is this Red Guardian runs outside.
"What now?" He asks.
"We're getting ya outta here," Natasha replies.
Tony should have swooped down right then and there and picked the guy up, but he was feeling a little too petty for that. As guards pile out to stop the riot and the break, he hopes this Red Guardian guys gets the hell beat out of him, but the most that happens is he gets tazed and falls to the ground.
He smirks, sadistically.
"Boss. The sharpshooters," Friday replies, urgently.
Warnings flash left and right on Tony's HUD, pointing to the towers again.
For a second, he contemplates doing nothing at all, but then his conscience wins out. Apparently, he's not that cold of a bastard - not yet. Besides, if Natasha is risking freeing this guy then she must have a reason, as much as he dislikes it, if he helps this guy out, then he helps her out, which gets him in the same room with her so they can talk.
"He's never going to make it," Yelena says.
"Get me closer...what? You got a better idea?"
Tony looks up and frowns at seeing Natasha open the door to the plane, no doubt to come down and help this fool.
It changes the game entirely, and he hurriedly moves to take out the snipers he was was putting off, while also keeping an eye on her.
He smiles seeing her land gracefully on the catwalk below, and after taking out the snipers, he finds himself gawking like some lovesick teenager as she cuts down every guard in her path, looking spectacular doing it.
"Damn she looks hot in all white," he says, getting distracted.
But then her plane is getting fired at, and that girl Yelena lowers it to avoid damage. In the process, she swings it around, and Tony's eyes go wide as she nearly takes Natasha out with the tail end.
"Seriously?What are you doing!? Back up!"Natasha yells at her from the catwalk.
Tony might have laughed, wondering what kind of team she's assembling here, if the machine gun turrets didn't deploy next. A rocket goes soaring through the air fired by Yelena, straight for the highest tower, toppling it to the ground. The mountains make a ugly gurgling sound in response, and then all of his sensors start going off.
"Boss, I'm detecting a severe disruption in the snow pack because of that explosion." Friday informs him.
"Yeah, me to," Tony says, watching the fresh powder spray up like an ocean waves, before traveling down the mountain towards the prison.
"Okay, enough playing around Friday, let's mop up this mess, shall we?" He says.
Tony engages his thrusters, bolting down towards the prison. The guards and inmates are mobbing and trampling over each other to get back inside and avoid the avalanche. Natasha is somewhat safe swinging on the rope of the plane, but that still leaves Red Guardian who has at least managed to get to the upper levels now.
"Let's pick this idiot up, Friday," Tony sighs, flying in low.
He zooms towards Alexei on the catwalk, but he ends up getting pinged towards the concrete walls of the prison like a fly because the man starts screaming bloody murder, and his juiced up arm catches him in the chest.
"AHHHHH! It's a demon!" Alexei swats his hands above his head.
Tony glares, hurriedly stopping himself from hurtling into a concrete wall.
"Fucking serious?" He mutters.
Tony straightens himself out and circles back, successfully nabbing him this time. They shoot into the clouds, like an eagle that's grabbed its next meal. He carries him through the clouds while Natasha and Yelena yell at each other.
"Where the hell is he?" Natasha asks.
"He just disappeared!"Yelena yells back.
"What do you mean he disappeared?!"
"Get off me, demon!" Alexei bellows, twisting back and forth in Tony's grip, forgetting they are hundreds of feet off the ground, or too stupid to care. Tony is betting on the second part.
He grunts at having to work extra hard to keep the man in his grasp because of how strong he is, until finally he has Friday paralyze his grip to make sure he doesn't drop him, since Natasha would probably be pissed if he does.
"Would you shut the fuck up and stop moving, or would you rather I drop you?!"
It comes out of his mouth before he realizes what he's said.
The comms go silent.
Deadly silent.
Tony grits his teeth, realizing his mic was muted, but he forgot about Alexie's earpiece and that it was not.
Fuck,he thinks to himself.
"Tony?" He hears Natasha's voice shortly after.
"Tony? As in Tony Stark? I thought you two weren't talking?"Yelena replies.
Tony doesn't speak. Too furious, both at this idiot in his arms, and at himself for his own lack of control.
Once Natasha is back up the rope and onto the plane, he flies over and unceremoniously drops Alexei inside, a little higher than needed. The man goes cannonballing, causing the plane to jerk in response to him slamming into the opposite wall. Tony lowers himself in next, making himself visible by turning off his retro-reflection panels, bracing himself for the coming storm.
"Iron Man. Not cool," Guardian gasps, panting, dragging himself to his feet, coughing as the impact must have knocked the wind out of him.
Tony narrows his eyes, ready to chew him out for nearly killing them both when he was trying to save his life, but before he can, he's being pushed to the back of the plane by a livid Natasha, nearly falling on his ass in the process.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" She growls.
Tony trips on his own feet as she shoves him, but he manages to catch himself on the wall. The action brings all his anger up to the surface, and he quickly retracts his helmet and glares back at her.
"What the fuck do you mean what am I doing here? Why are you here? Why are you breaking this guy out of prison?!" He yells.
Natasha's eyes are sharp and cutting. If he wasn't so mad himself, he'd be terrified.
"It's none of your business what I'm doing here, Tony," she spits. "I'm working. How the hell did you even find me?"
"Because I'm a genius, that's how. Why haven't you called me?" He demands.
Natasha chuckles darkly, her glare so chilly it burns him to the core.
"Better question, why are you interfering with my op?"
"Interfering?"
That's rich, Tony thinks.
He bunches up his forehead as if she is crazy.
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I just saved your op. You're welcome, by the way. That guy is a fucking mess." He nods towards Alexei.
"You would think that. I had it under control. I didn't need you!" Natasha snaps back.
Honestly, Tony is a little taken back by her aggression towards him right now, but then his own isn't much better.
He dials it back.
"Yes. I'm familiar with your motto." He rolls his eyes.
"Tony, why are you here?" Natasha sighs, crossing her arms over her chest, studying him through narrowed eyes.
Tony stares back into her scrutinizing gaze.
"Because I wanted to see you," he admits, actually hating to say it out loud given his less than enthusiastic reception.
Natasha snorts, which only makes it worse, because it makes him feel like an idiot.
"Why are you ignoring me?"
She eyes him in disbelief. "You're really asking me that?"
"Uh, yeah. I haven't heard from you in three months, Natasha," he replies, unable to keep the hurt from seeping into his statement.
This must be how all those girls felt when he told them he'd call them the next day and never did.
Ouch.
"Because I didn't want to talk to you, Tony. I didn't have anything to say to you," Natasha replies.
Tony blinks at her, but he also feels himself recoiling.
There isn't an ounce of emotion on her face other than anger, and he wants to dissolve into a puddle on the floor.
Because it's one thing to suspect it, but it's another to have it said straight to his face.
"Why?" He asks, needing to know.
She crinkles her eyes in indignation.
"You know why," she grounds out.
Tony frowns, because he really doesn't. That's why he's here.
"No, I don't, actually. You're the one who just up and left, Natasha," he replies, confused. "I thought we were good."
"Yeah, so did I, Tony, but then your fucking ego got in the way, like always. Not to mention, your friend Ross made me an international fugitive, remember?"
"He's not my friend," Tony says, shaking his head, wishing people would stop insinuating that.
He hates Ross more than any of them. He's aware of the sick things the man has done, especially to Bruce. He would never be friends with a man like that.
"I don't understand what you mean about my ego - actually, you know what, nevermind, yes, I do, but that's always been, Natasha. Why is it now an issue?" He asks.
Natasha works her jaw.
"Just forget it," she says, trying to walk away, but Tony is not about to let her off the hook that easy, not after he came all this way.
He grabs her arm in a daring feat, and pulls her closer.
"No. Tell me what I did to piss you off this badly that you won't even talk to me," he says.
Natasha stiffens at his touch, then glares up at him.
"Whatever it is, I'm sorry," he says, truthfully, able to feel the anger radiating off of her.
"You're sorry!?" She suddenly whips towards him.
Tony gulps, walking backwards as she walks forwards.
"Uh...yeah?"
Natasha's face turns as red as her hair. She clenches her fists, and for a moment, Tony is worried she's actually going to pummel him, but then she unclenches and gives a tired slump of the shoulders.
"Just go, Tony, please," she says.
"Huh?"
Tony is beyond confused now.
"I accept your apology."
She turns to leave again, but again, that's not happening.
"Wait, wait, wait." He risks more bodily harm by grabbing her forearm, stepping out of his suit completely.
Natasha lets out an angry breath through her nose.
"What the hell is that?" He asks.
"What?"
He arches an eyebrow.
"I accept your apology? I mean, that's great, but I get the feeling you'd rather filet me." He chuckles, frowning.
"You'd rather I did that?" She asks.
"No, I'd rather you kiss me, but I'll settle you telling me what the hell is going on with you. I felt like we kind of had a relationship, Natasha, you know? And then you just left, and you're obviously mad at me for something, so just tell me what it is because honestly honey I probably did it because you know me, always pissing people off and such, but I'd rather it wasn't you..."
He hopes she can that he means that. She takes her time studying him before pulling her arm away.
"You truly don't know, do you?" She asks.
"Um...no, that's kind of why I'm asking. I'm dense sometimes," Tony replies.
"Yeah, no shit."
He flinches, but figures he deserves that one.
"Okay, I probably deserve that."
"What you deserve, Stark, is a foot up your ass," Natasha replies, annoyed.
"That sounds like it could be fun - err, sorry. I didn't mean that." He says, when her expression turns homicidal.
"Yes, you did." Natasha looks at him disappointed. "Because you just love to hear yourself talk, no matter what idiotic bullshit comes out."
"You think this is funny?" Natasha asks, misreading him when he smiles nervously.
He shakes his head and looks down.
"No, I really don't. Look, babe." He sighs and purses his lips. "I'm just here trying to figure this out so I can start groveling appropriately, even though I told myself I wouldn't, or I need to find the nearest bar."
"What?"
"Nothing. Nevermind. Please, will you just tell me what I've done that was so terrible it took you from my bed to zero contact at all?"
Natasha gives him demon eyes. "Sure, Tony. It's called you being an insensitive asshole," she says.
Tony opens his mouth, but then he closes it because he doesn't know what to say considering that doesn't exactly narrow it down. .
"Okay, um, how so? Can you...be more specific?" He wonders, aloud.
Natasha's eye twitches, and hetries to remember the last time he met with a lawyer about his will.
"Let's see if this rings any bells." She glares, evilly.
"Boy, it must be hard to shake the whole double agent thing, huh? It really sticks in the DNA."
She arches an eyebrow at him, and he winces.
Jesus. Good going, Stark.
"I said that?" He asks.
Natasha's emerald eyes cloud over like a dragons about to breathe fire.
"You-"
"Wait! Wait!" He holds up his hands. "You're right. I remember now." Except he doesn't. " That is insensitive. You're right. Now that I'm thinking about it. I'm so sorry, Natasha."
Natasha stares at him for a long moment, one in which he begins to sweat profusely.
"You're such an ass." She shakes her head, finally. "My god you're such an ass."
Tony watches her grimly, not knowing what he can do to make this right, because he did not realize he had fucked up this bad. Of course that would hurt her feelings given her past. He's such an idiot.
He looks down at the floor, then up at her sporadically debating on how to fix this, coming up with very few options. The good news is, it certainly isn't the first time he's said something stupid, and it will hardly be the last.
Wait, how is that good news?
He shakes his head.
"Look, I'm going to be honest with you, Natasha," he decides, hoping maybe that will make the difference, if she doesn't already know. "I actually don't remember saying that, and I know that sounds bad - awful, even, considering how much it's bothered you, but if you're saying I did, then I probably did. I say stupid stuff all the time. It's not hard to imagine."
"You're not helping yourself at all, Tony." Natasha sighs.
"Please, let me finish," he begs.
She rolls her eyes, but waits.
"Even if I don't remember, that is a dick thing to say, and so I apologize, seriously," he tells her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you or your feelings, or whatever."
"Whatever?"
She laughs incredulously.
Tony scratches his head again.
"Um, yeah...you also look sexy in that jumpsuit." He adds, as a finishing touch, smiling.
Natasha just looks at him like he's the dumbest person on the planet.
"Go home, Tony," she says, tiredly.
Fuck.
He was sure that would work.
His face falls as she even opens the door to the plane so he can get out.
He looks at the bleak pale blue sky and knows he can't leave it like this.
Hurry, hurry, Stark. Fix this! Fix this!
"I don't want to go home though. I came here to see you," he says.
But Natasha remains as onyx.
"Okay, you've seen me. Now you can leave," she replies, motioning towards the door.
The bottom of Tony's stomach begins to churn, seeing how serious she is, like it's slowly falling out.
He panics, realizing the giant wall he's chipped away at of all these years she keeps around herself, trying to make her comfortable enough to be even the tiniest bit vulnerable with him, has been rebuilt. It's a harrowing thought, considering how much time it took - six years to be exact - for him to even make a dent.
"Natasha, please don't do this," he says, getting desperate now.
"I'm not doing anything, Tony. I told you, I'm busy."
"You are. You're cutting me out." He feels sick.
Natasha runs her fingers through her hair before looking up at him.
"Look, I just can't deal with this right now, okay? I don't know if you noticed, but I'm kind of in the middle of something. Something important.
"I noticed, but this is important. Important to me, anyway."
"I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that like it's not to me," she says.
"Well, you're the one throwing me out of the plane."
"Because I'm in the middle of an op, and your a fucking billionaire who is shit at stealth and flies around in a red and gold suit of armor, Tony. God damn, do I really need to explain any further than that."
"No." He looks down, before looking back up. "But I can still help."
"No."
"Please?"
Natasha stares at him, her already non-existent patience wearing.
"Tony."
"Please," he says, again.
A sullen expression takes over his usually cheery demeanor.
"Natasha."
Tony bows his head as she leaves him no choice.
Raising his head, he gives her his last defense. Puppy dog eyes.
She glares at him in return, shaking her head. Frustrated, she grabs the door and slaps it shut.
"Why do you want to stay?" She barks.
"Because I miss you and I love you." Tony doesn't hold back anymore.
She closes her eyes, possibly because she's counting to ten and then looks at him furiously.
"Have you even been taking care of yourself?" She asks.
Tony shrugs, but the answers is clearly no.
He hasn't been keeping up with his goatee maintenance, or eating proper meals, and he can't even remember if he combed his hair today.
"You look awful," she says, looking him up and down.
"You look beautiful," he replies, smiling at her long red hair flowing over that crisp white jumpsuit - why is he so obsessed with that?
"Natasha, I didn't know it was going to hurt your feelings so much, I-"
"It didn't hurt my feelings."
Tony nods, shutting up.
"You always think you're right, and you're not, Tony" she says.
"I don't always think I'm right, baby. I'm wrong a lot of the time."
Finally, she breaks character, and he watches her swallow hard.
Tony shifts nervously, wondering if he's actually going to be the guy who made the Black Widow cry. If so, there's no denying it that he really is a jerk.
"…you know, for someone who's supposed to be in love with me, and trust me, you sure assume the worst of me pretty quickly," she says.
An actual tear rolls down her cheek, but she swipes it away just as fast. Tony does want to open that door and throw himself out of the plane then, and without his suit.
"I didn't mean it, babe. Rhodey nearly died, and I just...I thought we were on the same team," he says, trying to pull her close, but she pushes him away.
"Oh, so you do remember?" She glares, wiping at her cheeks angrily as more tears come.
Tony feels like he got punched in the gut.
"We were on the same team, Tony! Just because you guys decided to have a fucking macho pissing contest doesn't mean they stopped being a part of it. Ross was just using this as a way to split us apart, and we fell right into it. I've went up against the Winter Soldier before, many times. If there was even once chance there could be more of him stashed away, we owed it to everyone not to let politics get in the way of stopping Zemo."
"I know, and you were right, but it was just a lot at the time. I'm sorry. It shouldn't have went down like that, but Rogers isn't innocent in all of this," Tony says, refusing to let Steve get absolved of his blame, not after what went down between them in Siberia.
"None of us are innocent," Natasha says, sniffing. "None of us."
"I know," Tony stares at her guiltily.
All he wants to do is take her into his arms right now, but he can't.
"You shouldn't be here," she says, for the umpteenth time, pulling herself back together.
"I can't help it. I miss you," Tony says, helplessly.
Natasha grits her teeth, and then Tony feels like he needs to do something quick to sway this back into his favor. He dares take another chance at stepping into her space, well aware this could be his last action. He lifts his hand so he can caress her cheek.
"Didn't you miss me at all," he asks.
"No," Natasha says, but for once he can tell she is lying.
"Really, not even a little?" He smirks.
Natasha purses her lips at him, but she does lay her hand over his that's on her cheek, and just like that, he has hope again.
"Of course, I did, Tony," she says, in a way that suggests she doesn't like it though.
A mountain of relief suddenly washes over him like that avalanche, and he finally pulls her into his chest, hugging her tightly.
"I'm so sorry," he murmurs, pressing a kiss to her hair.
Natasha doesn't respond, but she hugs him back slightly.
After a few minutes, he pulls back and looks down at her. She refuses to meet his eyes, so he has to tilt her chin up.
"I love you," he says, before kissing her sweetly.
Natasha doesn't return it at first, but eventually, she gives in. She even moans a little when he deepens it, and runs her fingers through his unkempt hair, gripping it, making him whimper.
"Tony, Ross is going to find out you're here, and then you're going to end up in court, or worse. I don't want that," she says, when they break apart.
"I don't give a fuck about Ross." He kisses her again, hungrily, like a man starved.
He doesn't care about anything else at the moment, except her. He pushes her against the wall of the plane and tries to show her just how sorry he really is, until she has to push him away to gasp for air.
"You say that now, but when he finds out you were here?"
"He's not going to find out. I don't care if he does. I just want to help you. Whatever it is your doing." He rests his forehead against hers.
Natasha huffs and gazes into his eyes.
"I really don't think that's a good idea though."
"Why not?"
"Because."
"Because why?"
"Because...I have to fix something that I screwed up a long time ago. It's personal," she says, pulling back.
"All the more reason for me to help. I promise I'll do whatever you say," Tony says. "I can follow orders."
Natasha chuckles at him doubtfully.
"No you can't."
"Yes I can...if they're coming from you."
"Right."
"Come on, babe. I just got here," Tony pleads. "I don't want to leave yet. I may never find you again," he says, sadly.
"This isn't a party, Tony. This is serious." Natasha says.
"I know."
"You know what?"
"I know that it's serious. It's not a party. What's so serious about it though?"
Natasha is about to explain, but then Yelena chooses to interrupt their little reunion.
"Oh Natasha! Aren't you going to introduce us to your boyfriend?" She snickers up front.
Tony blinks, looking up since he forgot there were other people on the plane.
Natasha turns her head and glares at Yelena.
"Right. So who are these people, by the way?" Tony asks.
"It's a long story," Natasha replies.