A/N: Roger Thornhill finds that Eve Thornhill nee Kendall isn't the only reminder from his adventures in the 1959 film "North by Northwest".
QED - Pseudonyms are Just an AKA with a PhD
"This is quite different from the last time we dined on a train," Roger Thornhill told his wife after the dining car steward left with their dinner orders. "For one, we've got the same last name, which means a lot fewer questions when making a reservation for a sleeper car. Of course, the workers on the train are the model of discretion, but it does keep the raised eyebrows to a minimum and I'd hate to have somebody sprain an eyebrow because of me."
"And I saved five dollars by not having to tip the steward to be seated with you this time," Eve Thornhill reminded her husband. "Who knows what kind of dining companion I'd end up with otherwise."
"Oh yes. Lucky for you. More economical too, although I suppose the steward might have a slightly different opinion. Five dollars? What are you doing, sending his kid through college?"
"If you feel guilty you can tip him later."
"I don't feel that guilty. I was innocent before, and I'm free of guilt now."
"I..ah…," she said with a wry smile "wouldn't go so far as to say you're all that innocent."
"Of murder charges, yes. And although technically I WAS driving drunk when I escaped being killed the first time, in my defense I wasn't the one that poured a bottle of bourbon down my throat to set me up. Of being in love with you, I am as guilty as a man can be. But I want you to know that after all that happened, I don't hold being a mistress against you." Eve had recently been involved with Phillip Vandamm, a British merchant of sorts - if you counted sensitive information as a product and being in espionage as being a businessman. Eve had been recruited by an American intelligence agency to find out all she could on Phillip's habits and associates and report it to their home office. They in turn had created a persona for a spy who didn't exist and used the movements of the fictitious George Kaplan to divert any suspicion that might be directed toward Eve.
Quite by accident, Roger Thornhill – New York advertising executive on a lunch break with clients - had been mistakenly identified by Vandamm's henchmen as the fictitious Kaplan and eluded both police and Vandamm's as he attempted to clear his name. During his flight he had met Eve and fallen in love, not knowing her part in the events until he was released from police custody by a high-ranking intelligence officer known as "The Professor" who filled him in on the truth. In the end they had just barely managed to stop Vandamm from his plans to flee the country and kill Eve in the process; now the newlywed Thornhills were enjoying their honeymoon after the whole affair with a trip to Florida to distance themselves from the whole sordid affair.
"Thank you," she said. "I'm done with it now."
"Being a mistress, or being a spy?" Roger asked as he raised one eyebrow. He wasn't worried about spraining his eyebrow; it was well trained in skepticism.
"BOTH," Eve said emphatically. "They just recruited me because of who I was with. I'm not a professional spy. I didn't even go to spy school or anything."
"That makes two of us. I do wonder if maybe I can get some course credit for work in the field, that sort of thing. I learn fast. I can just see the diploma on my wall, right next to my Toastmasters certificate."
"The only certificate I'm worried about from now on is our marriage certificate."
"Oh, that...I know it must be here somewhere..." Roger said as he patted the pockets of his jacket.
"It probably wouldn't surprise you to know they don't issue certificates for spy school, Mr. Thornhill," a low voice came from across the aisle. Roger looked over and saw a man in a casual suit sitting by himself at a table. He had seen the man before, but it took him a moment to place him. "Didn't we meet recently?"
"I think I'll join you," he said as he got up and sat beside Roger. "I don't think this is a conversation that should be held across a train car." It was done so quickly and smoothly that Roger didn't have a chance to object.
"Roger?" Eve asked.
"I'd introduce you, but I don't know this man's name. We were having the most stimulating conversation in the middle of nowhere when a bus rudely interrupted our discussion."
"Archie Leach," the man said as he stuck out his hand to Eve. "Pleased to meet you finally, Mrs. Thornhill. Congratulations on getting married. Third time's a charm, Mr. Thornhill."
"Well, at least we know your name," Eve said in return.
"That may be, but he still has us at a disadvantage," Roger went on. "How did you know we just got married, although now that I think about it, you might have picked that up from our conversation. But there's no way you could have known I was married twice before by just listening."
"Don't be alarmed, Mr. Thornhill. We're on the same side - you might say we three have worked for the same organization at some point in the recent past." The steward came by, and Leach indicated he would be dining with the couple as their salads were served. He had already finished his at the other table and accepted his entree.
"So, you work for The Professor too," Eve said.
"Who? I haven't met anyone by that name, although I think I can deduce who it is."
"If we're on the same side, why didn't you say something back there at Prairie Stop?" Roger asked. Without a building anywhere near, it was a roadside stop an hour and a half out of Chicago for Indianapolis and in the midst of farmland.
"I did say something – I warned you about that crop duster. And I told you the truth - I wasn't named Kaplan. I knew he was made up, but you didn't know it at the time, and I was under orders not to divulge that information. Didn't you think it a bit strange that I got out of a car that just suddenly appeared from behind a cornfield?"
"At that point, everything was strange. You could have been riding a pink elephant and I wouldn't have given it a second thought."
Archie laughed. "Sorry, I suppose your first case always feels strange. Even more so when you don't know you're on it."
"First AND last," Eve said. "We're both retired."
"I don't blame you. Horrible business. But I couldn't stay there and jeopardize my cover, so I warned you about the plane before I had to meet my contact on the bus."
"Oh yes. Handy plane to have - exterminate bugs and anybody you don't want hanging around. If the DDT doesn't get you, the machine gun will."
"I told you it was a horrible business."
"The Professor was the only contact I had with the agency," Eve said as she went back to something Archie had said earlier. "You must have a different contact."
"Precisely. Now I'm not 100% sure, but the way I figure it The Professor is like a committee chairman if you will. There is a board under him, and then various people under them. I was hired by a Mrs. Finley, who I gather is on the committee although I don't know for sure if that's her real name. Mr. Thornhill, you're in advertising, right?"
"I'm sure you know that AND who my clients are."
"Hardly. I know where you work, but not the details. But tell me - when you're pitching a sale to a client, do you just have one plan, or do you have a backup in case they don't go for the first idea?"
"Two or three, I'll grant you. I do enough research that the first idea is usually the one they go for; just in case, I have a backup pitch I can pull out of my hat if the first one doesn't knock their socks off."
"Smart strategy. The same applies for intelligence gathering. You have a main plan, but you always keep an ace up your sleeve to take the hand at the end. As you know, George Kaplan didn't exist."
"I know that, and you know that, and things would have gone a lot smoother if Mr. Vandamm knew that. Oh wait, I'm sorry dear," Roger said as he turned to his wife. "I guess they needed the Kaplan ruse to keep you safe."
"And when you showed up and somehow managed to survive and elude everyone, it made them really confused," Archie explained. "They were starting to think our Kaplan was fake, then you came along and they weren't sure. Every time they thought they had it figured out, you survived or suddenly admitted to being Kaplan or Eve pretended to kill you."
"All to take suspicion off of her. But Vandamm figured it out in the end and was going to dump her out of the plane after he got away," Roger added.
"Well...he figured out most of it," Archie admitted as he worked on his fish dinner. "But you see, I was on the case too but had even more information about the operation than Eve did. I was even in the audience at the art auction when that figurine with the microfilm was sold – I stuck around long enough to see you starting making a nuisance of yourself to get intentionally arrested. After Mrs. Finley found out you were involved, Mr. Thornhill, she felt bad about getting innocent people swept up in the business and decided to contact me and have me - for lack of a better term - watch out for you. Not only was I at that cornfield, but I was the one that told the agency when you'd been arrested at the auction so they could intervene and free you."
"When I was talking to The Professor, he did say that Eve was ONE of their agents. I never thought they'd have somebody else on the case too."
"That red cap you knocked out and took the uniform from on the train - he was one of ours. He volunteered to be a victim - he even had a uniform designed to fit you, not him."
"They did seem a little baggy on the man," Eve said as she thought back. "I just assumed he hadn't had them tailored to fit yet."
"Now I don't feel so bad about giving him a headache," Roger said. "Give that man a vacation."
"All in a day's work. There are worse assignments."
"So, are we your assignment now?" Eve asked.
"No. I'm heading down south. I can't go into details but I'm looking forward to checking out an offshore cigar factory firsthand. Things are heating up down there, and some people in Washington want to keep up with what's going on. No better way to do that than getting out onto the streets. Now if you two will excuse me, I'm going back to my room and brush up on my Spanish. Vaya con Dios, amigos." Archie got up and prepared to leave.
"One thing - is Archie Leach really your name?" Roger asked.
Archie smiled. "In this business it's hard to remember your real name sometimes with so many fake names and identities, but yes - it is my real name."
"Okay, just checking. But if you ask me, I'd think about changing it. Archie Leach sounds horrible; you wouldn't catch me with a name like that. Try playing around with some other names and come up with one with a little more sophistication."
The End
A/N: Another Hitchcock great, I always thought the exchange at the bus stop (if you want to call the middle of nowhere a bus stop) was a little awkward and of course the whole scene was played as surreal. I used to work about an hour from where that scene was filmed, although it was before I was born. No, I didn't work before I was born - follow along please. Anyway, when I watched the film again, I decided to give a little more backstory to the scene, and this is the result.
Cary Grant, who played Roger Thornhill, was born Archie Leach. And it wasn't too long after this film was made that Cuba was closed and the Cuban Missile Crisis occurred.