Hi guys,this is my first fanfic everrr. If you find anything wrong with it. Please do leave a comment! Enjoy!
"Do you have to go?"
Kakashi remembers his last words to you like it was just yesterday.
He remembers the warm, humid summer that clung onto his skin in a thin layer of sweat as he laid on the grass with you, the grass tickling the back of his neck. He remembers you pointing at the skies, telling him that a cloud looked like a frog, or a dog, or his hair.
The two of you were younger back then. Just as the Third Shinobi War raged on, many lives were lost, and he felt as if his worst nightmare had come true.
You were considered MIA. Missing in action. *Killed* in action.
He remembers visiting the memorial stone every night.
The only times he wasn't there was when the days got too difficult, and Kakashi would find himself lingering by your apartment. No clan compound to call home.
Wishing the lights to your window would turn on, just as he'd come to familiarize with whenever he visited and watched without you knowing when the two of you were still genin.
Now, he was in his late 20s, sensei to three little brats assigned to him. All who'd shown the most promise.
Now that he thinks about it, you've always wanted kids. His stomach still squeezes at the thought.
The what ifs.
Kakashi's never one to believe in reincarnation. It was impossible and frankly stupid. He would be naive to think that something like that existed.
He wasn't really sure if he's lost his mind now, or if he's in some sort of illusion.
"Need any help?" Kakashi's exposed eye crinkles, sliding right next to you as you make supper. His fingers itch to hold you, but he's quick to compose himself.
The signs were all there. Your characteristics, that same look in your eye, your likes. It's all you, just.. in a different body.
It's no coincidence.
For the first time in a while, he felt fear. Then grief. Then a burst of love and regret. Who knew that the man they were escorting, Tazuna, housed a family friend that resembled exactly you?
Who knew he would meet you in the Land of the Waves, the very place you were sent to to die?
She glanced back at Kakashi, a warm smile gracing her lips as she said, "I appreciate it, but I'm fine. Thank you for asking anyway, Kakashi-san."
Kakashi was stuck for a moment, frozen by your smile.
He hated it. He hated how you looked at him like he was simply just someone you knew. How you spoke to him casually.
How you called him 'Kakashi-san'.
He had to restrain himself from grabbing your wrist and yanking you back to him.
His heart twisted in his chest.
God. He missed you. He missed the way you looked at him. How you laughed with him and at him.
He wanted to pull you into his embrace and hold you there, letting his nose nuzzle into the crook of your neck and breathe in your scent.
He wanted to feel your heartbeat. He wanted to listen to you talk to him, and say his name with that familiar affection.
But he couldn't.
Kakashi could do nothing but watch you, and he realized that this was the most powerless that the White Beast of the Leaf has ever felt.
"What are you making?" He asked, tilting his head, his eye raking over your face.
Every curve and line. Everything.
He knew you. He knew you, and how you loved to make home cooked meals. How you always found comfort in the smell of cooking, how you always looked calm and serious whenever you chopped vegetables.
The familiarity was suffocating. The more he looked at you, the more he wanted to just hold you and never let go.
He remembers, as if it were yesterday, the brown hair always tied in a ponytail, the emerald eyes that used to shine so brightly. But, he needs to remind himself, really remind himself, that this wasn't her. It was just a person who acted like her – scratch that, it was essentially her, but different.
This person had black hair instead of brown, diamond blue eyes instead of emerald. She was shorter, while this person was taller.
It wasn't really you
This time, he bit on his tongue hard to prevent himself from speaking. To stop himself from saying something he might regret.
Kakashi hated this.
He hated it, hated how you were and yet you weren't, how you reminded him too much of you yet so different, the way you talked and looked and acted.
Everything was the same.
And yet,you weren't.
So he chose to watch in silence, opting to look at you from the counter behind you.
The way your shoulders moved, how your back arched at certain angles, the muscles in your arms flexing whenever you lifted the knife and chopped the vegetables.
He's seen you do it countless times, and now seeing you doing it again, here, in front of him in the flesh – it was killing him.
A flashback appeared suddenly, bringing Kakashi back to my room. He stood there silently, watching as I diced vegetables for our dinner.
"Kakashi, you really need to learn how to cook," She grumbled. "You can't just barge into my apartment every night and expect me to whip something up for you."
She sighed, glancing at Kakashi before tossing the knife in his direction. He effortlessly dodged it.
"Nice reflexes," She said, hee voice laced with amusement. "If you'd been a second slower, you'd be a goner."
Kakashi retrieved the knife embedded in the wall and tossed it back to her. She caught it with ease and returned to chopping vegetables.
"When do you think the next mission is?" he asked.
She hummed in response. "No idea. But hopefully, it'll be soon. I'm bored out of my mind!"
Kakashi scoffed at hee complaint, and she let out a disgruntled groan.
Kakashi watched the memory like a movie screen, how you held yourself with such confidence and yet with a casual demeanor.
He could almost smell the fragrance of the vegetables and meat, and he could almost hear the sound of the knife as it chopped them into thin slices.
His heart ached.
It ached, and it ached, and it ached.
Every part of him yearned to be back there in that moment. Everything in him screamed to be there. Standing beside you, watching you cook.
"Uhm... Kakashi-san...? I think the kids are calling for you," She said gently, interrupting Kakashi's apparent deep thoughts. She knew he'd been lost in some internal reflection, and mentioning Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura would usually get him out of it.
"They've been yelling your name for quite a while," She added, glancing out the window to confirm their presence.
Kakashi's eye snapped back into focus, blinking at the call of his name.
He took a look outside, and lo and behold, he was met with three troublesome kids looking for him.
Naruto looked impatient, Sasuke looked grumpy as always, and Sakura looked exasperated.
They were all yelling out for him, calling his name over and over again like an annoying alarm.
Kakashi let out a deep sigh, running a hand down his face in an attempt to compose himself.
He turned to look back at you, and he realized that you were *also* looking at the kids as well.
His chest squeezed again.
How was he supposed to handle this situation?
How was he supposed to watch you act so similar like how you were, and not be devastated?
How was he supposed to act natural, when it was taking everything in him not to break down?
Kakashi bit his tongue again, and he managed to rasp out a reply to you.
"Right. I'll go see what the brats want."
"Alright, Kakashi-san. Take care, hm?" She said, turning her attention back to the vegetables and resuming her chopping.
'Take care.'
Something so simple, just a little phrase to say goodbye. But here, in this circumstance, with what he's just feeling, it's like being ripped to shreds.
To be told 'take care' again by you, it's like a punch in the gut.
It's a painful reminder of a time that's gone.
Kakashi could feel the tightness in his throat from having to hold back. But somehow, he managed to make a sound of affirmation and walked outside to face the little brats.
End
Authors note: So? hehe, sorry there are anything grammar wrong here. English isn't my first language, i'll try to be a good author! Goodnight (.ᴗ.)